SUNSHINE65's SparkPeople Blog SUNSHINE65's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community The Perks of Being Over 50 -- Kidnappers are not very interested in you. <BR> <BR> -- In a hostage situation, you are likely to be released first. <BR> <BR> -- No one expects you to run into a burning building. <BR> <BR> -- People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?" <BR> <BR> -- People no longer view you as a hypochondriac. <BR> <BR> -- There is nothing left to learn the hard way. <BR> <BR> -- Things you buy now won't wear out. <BR> <BR> -- You can eat dinner at 4 PM. <BR> <BR> -- You enjoy hearing ... Mon, 15 Dec 2014 03:16:53 EST Tracking the Weather It was October and the Indians on a remote reservation asked their new Chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a Chief in a modern society he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared. <BR> <BR> But being a practi... Sun, 14 Dec 2014 00:36:45 EST Weather Stone <img src=""> Thu, 11 Dec 2014 22:08:52 EST Oh Yah... <img src=""> Thu, 11 Dec 2014 21:51:46 EST A few laffs In Court <BR> <BR> My boss is without peer when it comes to the rules and regulations that customs officials must follow. But when it comes to the law, well, that's a different story. <BR> <BR> We were attending a court case in which we were prosecuting a smuggler. The judge asked the court, "Who is making these allegations?" <BR> <BR> My boss stood up and proclaimed, "I am the alligator, your honor." <BR> <BR> <BR> The Manager <BR> <BR> Our manager at the restaurant where I worked wa... Wed, 10 Dec 2014 00:28:16 EST Late Nite Funnies It was a great week for Jimmy Fallon. He welcomed a baby girl. Congratulations, Fallons! In this modern society, your little girl can grow up to be anything she wants. Except of course a late-night talk-show host. -Craig Ferguson <BR> <BR> A marine biologist in California discovered a very rare 12-pound lobster. He said he planned to return the lobster to the ocean. But today he was seen buying 12 pounds of butter. -Craig Ferguson <BR> <BR> According to a survey, the most popular Christmas ... Wed, 10 Dec 2014 00:06:19 EST Retired Husband After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter,from the local Target: <BR> <BR> Dear Mrs. Harris: <BR> Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store. <BR> We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced... Mon, 8 Dec 2014 01:24:05 EST Season's Greetings! <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Sun, 7 Dec 2014 02:29:05 EST Holiday to do list <img src=""> Thu, 4 Dec 2014 00:15:54 EST If brains were gasoline... <img src=""> Wed, 3 Dec 2014 23:41:27 EST What Santa's bringing you! <img src=""> Wed, 3 Dec 2014 23:40:34 EST Republican Agenda <img src=""> Wed, 3 Dec 2014 21:28:45 EST Remove a curse... An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 50 years. The wizard says, “Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the course on you.” The old man says without hesitation, “I now pronounce you man and wife.” Sat, 29 Nov 2014 19:17:41 EST Some pertinent what I don't know! A young lady confidently walked around the room while leading and explaining stress management to an audience with a raised glass of water. Everyone knew she was going to ask the ultimate question, 'half empty or half full?'... She fooled them all .... "How heavy is this glass of water?" she inquired with a smile. Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. To 20 oz. <BR> <BR> She replied , "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, that's not... Thu, 27 Nov 2014 20:22:54 EST Ohhhh! The pot at the end of the rainbow! <img src=""> Thu, 20 Nov 2014 02:09:37 EST Ohhhh! The pot at the end of the rainbow! <img src=""> Thu, 20 Nov 2014 02:09:25 EST Warren Buffett, "I could end the deficit in 5 minutes!" Warren Buffett, "I could end the deficit in 5 minutes," he told CNBC. "You just pass a law that says that anytime there is a deficit of more than 3% of GDP, all sitting members of Congress are ineligible for re-election. The 26th amendment (granting the right to vote for 18 year-olds) took only 3 months & 8 days to be ratified! Why? Simple! The people demanded it. That was in 1971...before computers, e-mail, cell phones, etc. Of the 27 amendments to the Constitution, seven (7) took 1 year or ... Thu, 20 Nov 2014 02:05:37 EST I must confess... I went into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church. <BR> <BR> Inside I found a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. <BR> <BR> On one wall, there's a row of decanters with fine Irish whiskey and Waterford crystal glasses. <BR> <BR> On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates. <BR> <BR> Then the priest comes in. I say to him, "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit tha... Tue, 18 Nov 2014 23:02:43 EST Everything I Learned from a Cow 1. Wake up in a happy mooo-d. <BR> <BR> 2. Don't cry over spilled milk. <BR> <BR> 3. When chewing your cud, remember: there's no fat, no calories, no cholesterol and no taste! <BR> <BR> 4. The grass is green on the other side of the fence <BR> <BR> 5. Turn the udder cheek and mooo-ve on. <BR> <BR> 6. Seize every opportunity and milk it for all it's worth. <BR> <BR> 7. It's better to be seen and not herd. <BR> <BR> 8. Honor thy fodder and they mother and all your udder relative... Mon, 17 Nov 2014 17:16:07 EST Obit What with all the trauma and sadness going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person which almost went unnoticed last week. <BR> Larry LaPrise, the ma who wrote "The Hokey Pokey" died peacefully at age 93. <BR> The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. <BR> They put his left leg in, and then the trouble started. Mon, 17 Nov 2014 02:39:49 EST Breakfast in bed... <img src=""> Fri, 7 Nov 2014 01:16:09 EST Not the end... <img src=""> Thu, 6 Nov 2014 22:24:14 EST Maxine's take on voting... <img src=""> Tue, 4 Nov 2014 00:24:08 EST He thought his wife was going to kill him, but... Husband arrives home drunk out of his mind. What he wakes up to shocks him. <BR> <BR> Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Halloween Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong. <BR> <BR> Opening his eyes, the first thing that he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side tabl... Mon, 3 Nov 2014 22:52:41 EST BEST THERAPY! Cut and Paste: <BR> <BR><BR>juo#t=25 Sun, 2 Nov 2014 22:09:48 EST Best Therapy! <link><BR>X_ZTjuo#t=25 </link> Sun, 2 Nov 2014 02:08:04 EST Nobody works harder than American workers! <img src=""> Sun, 2 Nov 2014 00:44:36 EST Vote! <img src=""> Sun, 2 Nov 2014 00:39:28 EST Don't Vote <link><BR>447162239205&set=vb.210277954204&type=<BR>2&theater </link> Fri, 31 Oct 2014 02:09:19 EST GOOD ADVICE! <BR> While walking down the street one day a Corrupt Senator (that may be redundant) is tragically hit by a car and dies. <BR> <BR> His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. <BR> <BR> "Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you." <BR> <BR> > "No problem, just let me in," says the Senator. <BR> <BR> "Well, I'd like to, ... Fri, 31 Oct 2014 02:08:23 EST Late Night Funnees During a campaign event, former presidential nominee Bob Dole told the crowd that Mitt Romney should run for president in 2016. If there's anyone who knows that the third time is a charm, it's a guy who lost three times. -Jimmy Fallonght Funnees <BR> <BR> For Halloween, a woman in Vermont is handing out kale to trick-or-treaters. If you're in Vermont and you want to stop by, look for the house that's been set on fire. -Conan O'Brien <BR> <BR> Neil Patrick Harris is getting a new variety sh... Thu, 30 Oct 2014 22:27:41 EST Why Not? <img src=""> Sun, 26 Oct 2014 22:16:52 EST On the road to health... <img src=""> Sat, 25 Oct 2014 16:55:32 EST Robert Reich Wherever you are, are you hearing candidates talk about (1) raising the minimum wage (supported by 78% of the electorate), (2) raising taxes on the rich to finance better schools for all (supported by 63%), (3) putting people back to work by repairing our roads, bridges, water, and public transportation systems (58% support), (4) making childcare more affordable (71% support), (5) raising taxes on companies with high ratios of CEO pay to average workers, and lowering them on companies with lo... Sat, 25 Oct 2014 16:22:07 EST Hope you are all aware how dire this mid term election is! <link><BR>ie-sanders-shoots-rumors-leave-senate-<BR>democratic-caucus.html </link> Fri, 24 Oct 2014 01:45:51 EST Burial Plans A man and woman were married for many years. Whenever there was a confrontation, yelling could be heard deep into the night. The old man would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!" <BR> <BR> Neighbors feared him. The old man liked the fact that he was feared. Then one evening, he died when he was 98. After the burial, her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, "Aren't you afra... Mon, 20 Oct 2014 21:13:18 EST Haloween Therapy Group <img src=""> Sun, 12 Oct 2014 04:08:31 EST Just For Laughs <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <img src=" Sat, 11 Oct 2014 22:02:15 EST Tailgating A man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten The red light by accelerating through the intersection. <BR> <BR> The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup. <BR> <BR> As she was still in mid-rant, she ... Mon, 6 Oct 2014 02:43:17 EST 6 Lessons in management that everyone should know. LESSON 1: A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel... Sat, 4 Oct 2014 22:18:06 EST Morals... <img src=""> Sat, 4 Oct 2014 21:45:36 EST Breat cancer awareness month <img src=""> Fri, 3 Oct 2014 01:10:43 EST The "Change" <img src=""> Tue, 30 Sep 2014 09:36:04 EST The Most Caring Child Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child. <BR> <BR> <BR> The winner was: <BR> <BR> <BR> 1. A four-year-old child, whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman, who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old Gentleman's' yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his mother asked him what he had said to the neighbor, the littl... Thu, 25 Sep 2014 01:22:44 EST SUM FUNEES The Americans and Russians at the height of the arms race realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world. One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They'd have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and which ever side's dog won would be entitled to dominate the world. The losing side would have to lay down its arms. <BR> The Russians found the biggest meanest Doberman and Rottweiler ... Mon, 15 Sep 2014 04:21:02 EST The Goldberg Brothers - The Inventors of the Automobile Air Conditioner Here's a little fact for automotive buffs, or just to dazzle your friends. <BR> The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Max invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. On July 17, 1946 , the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees. <BR> <BR> The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford's office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter. <BR... Mon, 8 Sep 2014 02:19:57 EST Jasper and the Unbaked Yeast Rolls Those of you who have/had animals will probably appreciate this more. It is a story that is hilarious in itself and the person that wrote it is a good writer and made the story even better. ~ <BR> <BR> We have a fox terrier by the name of Jasper. He came to us in the summer of 2001 from the fox terrier rescue program. For those of you, who are unfamiliar with this type of adoption, imagine taking in a 10-year-old child about whom you know nothing and committing to doing your best to be a ... Sun, 7 Sep 2014 21:31:10 EST 10 Jokes Only Engineers Will Understand. Who Says Engineers Don’t Have A Sense Of Humor? 1. Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet. <BR> <BR> 2. To the optimist, the glass is half-full. <BR> To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. <BR> To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. <BR> <BR> 3. A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been w... Sat, 6 Sep 2014 23:26:11 EST How The Internet Got Started - According To The Bible. In ancient Israel , it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a healthy young wife by the name of Dorothy. <BR> <BR> Dot Com was a comely woman, large of breast, broad of shoulder and long of leg. <BR> <BR> Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com. <BR> <BR> And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?" <BR> <BR> Abraham did look at her a... Sat, 6 Sep 2014 22:21:28 EST Just some funnees - 101 Dalmatians and Peter Pan (Wendy) are the only two Disney cartoon features with both parents that are present and don't die throughout the movie. (Wait, what about Sleeping Beauty, which also has both parents surviving in the film?) <BR> <BR> - 'Stewardesses' is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand. <BR> <BR> - The Baby Ruth candy bar was actually named after Grover Cleveland's baby daughter, Ruth. <BR> <BR> - Armadillos have four babies at a time and they are alw... Wed, 3 Sep 2014 23:51:32 EST