SUNFLOWERSAVAGE's SparkPeople Blog SUNFLOWERSAVAGE's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Last Blog I'm not going to be blogging anymore. Not here anyway. <BR> <BR> Thank you very much to those of you that have been supporting me and encouraging me for the last couple of years. It has meant a lot to me. More than you can ever know. <BR> <BR> I just can't be cheerful and positive. It isn't who I am. <BR> <BR> I was asked by a fellow Sparker today what is really bothering me. Like I have a hangnail or am just grumpy or something. I'm not that shallow. If I say that my life is a mess... Wed, 7 Aug 2013 17:53:04 EST I Gave Up....Again The last week has been really hard. I have been struggling so much. My mental health has been really bad and the way I deal with that is by eating. And eating. And eating. <BR> <BR> I just don't feel like I have the strength to fight this time. <BR> <BR> Excuses, excuses...I know. <BR> <BR> I have to do it though. I HAVE to. <BR> <BR> I've wasted so much of my life already. <BR> <BR> Wed, 7 Aug 2013 03:43:22 EST Day 21 Today was a tough day emotionally. <BR> I stayed in my limits nutritionally though. <BR> <BR> Have a great week Sparkly Peeps! Sun, 28 Jul 2013 23:17:56 EST Day 20 Today went ok. I ate about double my calories for the day. We ordered pizza, something we haven't been able to do for months, so I went a little overboard. Most days I'm under in calories and this isn't something I'm going to do often, so I'm not too worried about it. <BR> <BR> I got some antihistamines today and am already feeling quite a bit of relief. <BR> <BR> It is nice and cool here today. The perfect weather for me. Not freezing and not sweltering. I wish it could be like this ... Sun, 28 Jul 2013 01:08:52 EST Days 17, 18 & 19 I've been having trouble entering blogs, that is why my day 16 blog was only one sentence. It took me 15 mins just to write <BR> <BR> I'm still here. Still pushing. My eating has been good. I need to get my fitness up. My mobility is at an all time low due to my back and the arthritis in my knees. I'm hoping that will change. <BR> <BR> My allergies are horrible this summer. My head is so stuffed all the time I can hardly think. Grrr... <BR> <BR> I hope you are all having... Fri, 26 Jul 2013 17:48:13 EST Day 16 Made it through another day! <BR> <BR> Wed, 24 Jul 2013 01:40:28 EST Days 14 & 15 I've been fighting a strong allergy attack the last few days so I forgot to blog yesterday. I went to bed early and didn't remember until this morning. I almost forgot again tonight as my head is so clogged I can barely think. <BR> <BR> I made it through the weekend..and now through 2 weeks! It is getting easier in some ways. <BR> <BR> I actually want to eat healthy food; however, our budget is so small that it is very difficult to get the fresh produce that I need. I'm tired of people ... Tue, 23 Jul 2013 00:20:46 EST Day 13 Busy & stressful, but I got through it and stuck to my program. Sun, 21 Jul 2013 02:15:39 EST Day 12 I am almost at 2 weeks of being back on track. Each day is getting a little easier. <BR> <BR> One of the hardest things for me is when my partner and I have errands to do and it is taking longer than I had anticipated. This is when I am getting hungry and it would be so easy to just pull into a drive through and to hell with the healthy <BR> <BR> I'm not against fast food once in a while. Quite a few places offer healthier choices and it is just a matter of educating yoursel... Sat, 20 Jul 2013 02:13:04 EST Day 11 Very good day. <BR> <BR> I had some running around to do with my partner & mum this evening. I knew I would be hungry since I only ate breakfast (woke up at 10am and didn't eat until around 11:30 so wasn't hungry for lunch) so I brought a muffin with me. They wanted to stop at McD's and ordered burgers. I got a snack wrap with grilled chicken! I haven't had one in ages and noticed the chicken is about half the amount they used to put on them. So, with the snack wrap and muffin I got my ... Fri, 19 Jul 2013 01:45:53 EST Day 10 Yay, got through another day. <BR> <BR> Ate quite well today. Thu, 18 Jul 2013 01:51:51 EST Day 9 & Banana-Oatmeal Muffins So, starting to feel better about this. I have always felt better eating real food. Sometimes I have to really remind myself with all the junk that is out there. <BR> <BR> For those of you that use FaceBook, have you noticed the increase in recipes circulating in the last few months? Most of them are quicker methods of making less than healthy meals. Many incorporating Pillsbury Fortunately, there has also been an increase in healthier recipes. So, the challenge is to l... Wed, 17 Jul 2013 00:30:38 EST Days 7&8 I was so tired last night I forgot to blog. It was too bad a day. The best day of the weekend. <BR> <BR> Today I've been doing really well. Haven't had enough veg yet, but I will have lots at dinner. Had a nice fresh pineapple today. So yummy. <BR> <BR> It is getting a little easier, I just have to keep telling myself I have done it before, so I can do it again. <BR> <BR> All the awesome support is helping too! Mon, 15 Jul 2013 20:35:41 EST Day 6 Rough weekend, but I'm not giving up. I won't give up this time. Sun, 14 Jul 2013 02:25:58 EST Day 5 Rough day. <BR> I'm not giving up though. Fri, 12 Jul 2013 23:56:40 EST Day 4 Got through another day. <BR> <BR> Since I live in the Slurpee Capital of the World, and it is Slurpee Day, I did have one. It is the I fit it in to my calories for the day, even though it isn't the greatest use of them, and it is almost bed time and I'm way under in my calories for the day. <BR> <BR> I wanted to thank everyone who has been supporting me since I've been back. Thank you for all the encouragement on my blogs. I want to thank you all individually, but ... Fri, 12 Jul 2013 01:06:47 EST Day 3 I made it through another day! <BR> Nothing exciting to report, but I'm still here. Thu, 11 Jul 2013 00:45:59 EST Day 2 My first day back yesterday went ok. It was difficult, probably because I'm not really wanting to do it this time. I know that it only works if you are doing it for yourself; however, that is never going to happen so I have to make it work this time. <BR> <BR> I am going to blog daily as it is the only way for me to stay connected. It isn't going to be interesting for anyone, but I need to do it. <BR> <BR> So far, today has been very challenging. I feel like eating everything in sight,... Tue, 9 Jul 2013 15:40:38 EST Trying Again (WARNING: there are no Unicorns, rainbows or kittens here) It has been just over a year since my last blog post. In that time things have gone seriously downhill for me. <BR> <BR> For those that followed my blog posts in the past, I am just going to warn you that the "SparkPeople Motivator" that you nominated in the past is gone. I couldn't motivate a starving mosquito to suck my blood right now. <BR> <BR> I have gained back most, if not all, of the weight I lost. I have lost something though, my positive attitude towards changing my life. I ... Mon, 8 Jul 2013 16:54:49 EST Sorry I have been MIA & Rock It Week #1 Well, it has been a very long time since I have blogged and I haven't been around Spark very much either. I haven't totally reverted to my past habits, I have still been drinking all my water, have been quite active even if I haven't been doing "exercises" and my eating hasn't been too bad; however, I have really missed supporting my Sparkfriends and being part of the community. I have started to let my eating habits get out of control again lately and I am not going to give in to this beha... Mon, 2 Jul 2012 14:01:44 EST Short Blog...Pics I will write a proper blog soon, but I have had a few creative days so I thought I would post some pics for my Sparkly friends who have asked to see them. <BR> <BR> I want to warn that the pics aren't very good as I don't have a great camera. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Feather earrings with turquoise beads. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Crocheted anklets. Top left is ti... Mon, 23 Apr 2012 00:55:20 EST Having a Pitty Party...Will be back when it is over... I'm going to be taking a little Spark Break. I'm going through some stuff right now and I'm not able to be a support to others. I have been noticing that my posts and blogs haven't been very positive lately and I think that is because I'm not feeling very positive lately. Truth is I'm not a very positive person. I'm a "glass is half empty" person. I have tried to be positive, but it just isn't working. I have actually lost friends in the past because they have told me that my depressio... Sat, 31 Mar 2012 03:23:59 EST Oh the Humidity! Very hot & humid here today....crazy humid...especially for March. We had a brief thunderstorm this evening. It was great, I love thunderstorms. <BR> <BR> Did well with my food choices today. I was craving the Black Bean & Quinoa casserole I found on Sparkrecipes today, I had made it last week and loved it, so I made one for my dinner. My partner doesn't like it so there is lots left over for my lunches this week. It always tastes better the next day. <BR> <BR> Got my exercising in tod... Tue, 20 Mar 2012 03:24:15 EST Beautiful Weekend & NSVs! The weather was so awesome this weekend. In fact I'm sitting here sweating as my apartment is like a sauna. Saturday my partner and I did our shopping then went out for dinner. I was really proud of myself because even though I had pizza and desert, I stayed under my calories for the day. We went to Boston Pizza and shared a Steak & Portobello Pizza. All I had to drink was water with lemon slices. I was tempted to have a icy cocktail, but I knew I was going to have a decadent desert so ... Mon, 19 Mar 2012 02:21:05 EST Top O' the Mornin' To You! Happy St. Paddy's Day Sparkly Peeps! <BR> <BR> I have had a pretty good week. I have exercised every day since Monday. The weather has been absolutely beautiful here. We are breaking temperature records left & right. I am wearing my flip flops again!!! I have done well with my nutrition..and have been exploring new foods. I have big plans for chickpeas this week. Chickpeas aren't new to me, but I have found some new uses for them including making chickpea flour. <BR> <BR> I went to m... Sat, 17 Mar 2012 03:30:29 EST I am DONE Wasting Time!! I have wasted the last 2.5-3 months. I stopped exercising on a regular basis around Christmas. I'm not sure why. I know that around that time I became a lot more active, going out more and walking more. This used up a lot of my extra energy, but it is no excuse. <BR> <BR> I have been really upset with myself for wasting so much time but I still couldn't get myself to exercise consistently. I have been eating pretty good, but I am allowing myself more extras than I was before Christmas... Wed, 14 Mar 2012 04:33:20 EST REFLECTIONS ON THE MOTIVATE CHALLENGE Our final challenge for MOTIVATE was to reflect on our progress, share two things we've done and two things we would like to improve on. <BR> <BR> Well, I have to admit that I didn't do very well with the MOTIVATE challenge. When I signed up for MOTIVATE I knew it would be challenging but I didn't realize that so many of the weekly challenges would be things that are just way beyond my fitness level. I spent a lot of time feeling as if I was letting my fellow Bahama Mamas down as I wasn't ... Sat, 3 Mar 2012 23:08:33 EST Pizza is Evil! I think I'm going to have to give up pizza. I just can't control myself around it. I stuffed myself to the point of feeling sick tonight. Then I feel so bloated and disgusted with myself. I ate it almost 5 hours ago and I'm just starting to feel less bloated. The only good thing about it is that I have to drink a couple of gallons of water after because of all the sodium. <BR> <BR> To be honest my self control is starting to wane with a lot of other foods too....but nothing is as bad as... Thu, 1 Mar 2012 01:16:33 EST New Ink-Pic! This is the inspiration for my new tattoo: <BR> <BR> <BR> Not long ago, astronauts found in the heavens gaseous celestial bodies-clouds of cosmic dust - which they think have finally answered the mystery of what exists between the small things in the universe, like planets, and the bigger things, like the sun. <BR> They call the cosmic dust "brown dwarfs" or "pre-stars" because although brown dwarfs have all the same elements to become a star, for some reason, they never did. <BR> <BR> All... Fri, 24 Feb 2012 13:06:44 EST My Sister's 40th Birthday February 23, 2012 is the day my sister would have turned 40. For those who haven't read my blog about Christine, she died 5 1/2 yrs ago. <BR> <BR> 40 is one of those milestone birthdays. I know when I turned 40, 16 months ago, it was big to me. I have never worried about getting older. I almost always told people I was a year older than I actually was. I'm not one of those women who get offended if I'm asked my age. But, when I turned 40 I freaked out a little. It could have been be... Fri, 24 Feb 2012 01:54:17 EST Awesome Weekend I had a great weekend. Was out every day. It was a long weekend here and my partner had to work Saturday but he had Sunday & Monday off. When he got off work Saturday we drove out to my cousin's about 40 mins out of the city. We had dinner and played with my nieces and nephew. They were very energetic and lovey. My nephew is 3 and until recently didn't talk much. He is fostered so we don't know much about his biological mom's pregnancy with him, but his speech hasn't developed at the "... Tue, 21 Feb 2012 03:28:53 EST Friday I had a really awesome day Friday. I didn't do anything really special but it was such a beautiful day here. The sun was shining <em>67</em> and it was really warm only about -3 c. I feel so grateful that we are having such a mild winter. For those of you that don't know, I live in Manitoba and we normally have really harsh winters. Last winter was so bad, and we had so much snow, that we had a lot of flooding. This winter we have very little snow and it has been so warm. Normally in t... Sat, 18 Feb 2012 04:19:17 EST Starting to Feel Better I don't have a lot to say today...just wanted to check in. I'm feeling a bit better than I have been the last few days. Getting some energy back. <BR> <BR> I had to go out to do errands with my partner this evening (I know this blog will say that it is Friday, but I haven't gone to bed yet so it is still Thursday to and when I walked out to the car I realized I was walking quite a bit better. It isn't a really long way, but I was walking somewhat normally and not shuffling and b... Fri, 17 Feb 2012 03:50:38 EST I Love You Sparkly Peeps! So, this year isn't starting out the way I thought it was going to. I think the reason my spark is dimming is because I have had some health issues come up since the beginning of the year. Nothing major...or at least I'm not sure that nothing too major is going on. I got my period early in January. It started on the 7th and lasted a whole week. That isn't very usual for me to have it a full 7 days, but I wasn't worried about it being early because a friend of mine who is on my cycle got ... Tue, 14 Feb 2012 03:15:26 EST Deanna the Fat Slayer! I was watching a re-run of Buffy the Vampire Slayer the other day and decided that I am going to slay my own demons. We all have our own real demons...they may not look like the ones that Buffy fights, and we may not save the world by slaying them, but we will save our own life. <BR> <BR> This is the time of year that I have a lot of demons to battle. It will be 13 years in April since I had my son...I am dreading that birthday. He would have been a This month is also ... Wed, 1 Feb 2012 19:37:33 EST Just Do It! I realized today that it has been a long time since my last blog. One of my goals this month was to blog on a regular basis, but I just haven't had it in me. Most of my goals for the month haven't been going very well. I haven't been really consistent with my fitness. I have been doing some, but I know I could be doing more. It isn't like I don't have the time. I don't work so all I have is time. The thing is, I am super bored. It is hard for me to get motivated when I am home all day... Wed, 25 Jan 2012 02:42:44 EST Wall Push-Ups....No More Excuses! Two weeks ago in one of the challenges I am in, the weekly challenge was to do wall push-ups. I read the challenge and immediately decided I wouldn't be able to do them. Why? Because it requires standing and I can't stand for very long. I did think that maybe I could try it sitting on a chair, but I pushed that idea aside because I didn't believe I could do it. So, I took 0 points for that challenge. It was just 0 points for me, but it also affected my whole team's total points. The tr... Sun, 15 Jan 2012 04:12:17 EST Last Christmas Party of the Season & a Goal NOT Met...with pics! Today was my partner Dale's work Christmas party. He works retail so Christmas is their busiest season; therefore, they can't close the store for a party before Christmas. Even today they closed the store 3 hrs early for the party. They posted signs stating that they would be doing that. But, the customers were not happy about it and one became very irate and stated they should have their party before Christmas like everyone else. Let's forget that technically it is Christmas today, Ukra... Sun, 8 Jan 2012 04:22:43 EST Ugh.... Ok so I decided I was going to blog every day to keep on track. But some days I really don't have much to say. And, I don't want to bore people to <BR> <BR> I started the pretty good. I have done pretty good with my nutrition. I just made my min. calories. The last 2 days I was under my min calories by about 300 cals. I was going to use the Wii today, but I just couldn't get motivated. So the only extra movement I got was walking to the car and back. <BR> <BR> I read a c... Thu, 5 Jan 2012 03:02:23 EST Getting my blog on ;P Had another good day. Ate well. Danced. <BR> <BR> D was off today so we did a few errands. The weather has been so amazing here. We have very little snow. Normally at this time of year we have huge snow banks everywhere. On Thursday the temp is supposed to get above zero. Usually in January we are freezing our butts off in -30 or colder. It was nice and sunny today too, which normally in the winter means it will be super cold, but not today. <BR> <BR> I did a lot of Sparking today. ... Wed, 4 Jan 2012 02:06:50 EST Just Keep Dancing Today was a good day. I ate well and I did 32 mins of exercise. For the first time in weeks I did my Just Dance 3. It was great to do it again. Since I haven't done it in so long that I thought I would just do 15 mins, but when I got into it I decided to just keep going. I forgot how fun it was. <BR> <BR> I stayed up really late last night so I was pretty tired today. I will go to bed earlier tonight. <BR> <BR> A new Sparkfriend told me about a free site for selling jewelry so I che... Tue, 3 Jan 2012 01:41:04 EST 1 JANUARY 2012...with Pics For the first time in 13 years I am actually looking forward to the New Year….not because 2011 was so horrible that I want to leave it behind, but because it was pretty good and I can’t wait for 2012 to be even better. Normally, I am happy for the new year because I had had such a horrible year that I want to believe that the new year has to be better. Not this year though. This year I am starting the year with the knowledge that I made some amazing choices and changes last year and that I... Mon, 2 Jan 2012 03:51:26 EST Fighting to keep my eyes open. Wow, I am soooo tired. The last few day have been so busy and long. I had a great Christmas though. I had a wonderful time with my partner & family. Good food, although too much of it. I have given in to the sweets, but all that is over tomorrow! I got some really nice presents. <BR> <BR> Today was the hardest though because I did the entire dinner for my in-laws. I had just stuffed the turkey and was putting it in the oven when my FIL called to say my MIL was at emergency because s... Tue, 27 Dec 2011 00:47:19 EST All Wrapped Up Just taking a break from wrapping gifts. I don't know why I'm still up. I am exhausted. Had such a busy day. I did so much walking today. I surprised myself. We were out for 8 hrs running around. One of those hours was spent trying to get out of the parking lot at one of the malls. Seriously, it took close to an hour. Crazy. <BR> <BR> I also went to get weighed. Last weigh in for the year. I only lost 2 lbs this month. At least it wasn't a gain. After the holidays I am going ... Sat, 24 Dec 2011 04:11:02 EST Beautiful Light Displays I had a great day. Got my meatballs made and put away in the freezer. Worked on some crafts. Delivered gifts to my cousin's. Picked D up. Did some errands. Went to Ten Thousand Villages and picked out some great gifts. Then we drove around looking at Christmas lights. Saw some really amazing light displays. There is one area in the city that has competitions. It was a really nice evening. It put me more in the spirit. The only thing is that we don't have very much snow and it is ve... Fri, 23 Dec 2011 01:30:02 EST Why do we do this to ourselves? I went to Walmart tonight. Nuff said <em>24</em> <BR> <BR> Pretty busy day. Packaged up the cookies for gifts. I got cute baking bags for them then I tied a cookie cutter to each one. Did some wrapping. Made my shopping list. My mum came over to help me clean. There are some things I'm not able to do and D is so tired with everything he already does, so my mum very generously offered to help. Then we went shopping. I got some cute pj's for Christmas Eve. Then we went to Walmart b... Thu, 22 Dec 2011 04:04:19 EST Still Here! I haven't been very good at blogging lately. I'm not sure why. I just haven't felt like doing it. Unfortunately, I am having the same problem with fitness. I'm still eating well, and I'm getting out more. I have even been more active around the house. But, I don't seem to have the motivation to exercise. D has noticed and has urged me to do at least 10 mins a day....and he wins some days. I'm hoping that I will get the urge back myself soon. I have no intention of giving up....just ... Tue, 20 Dec 2011 22:34:38 EST My Chair Died Today :( I've mentioned in other blogs that my mobility is limited. It is getting better, but I am still not able to stand or walk for very long. Standing still is actually worse than walking...not sure why. At home in order to get household tasks done, I use a desk chair with casters. It is great because it doesn't have a back, so I still have to maintain my posture, and it has a saddle seat so I have more range of motion with my legs. Using this chair allows me to cook, do dishes, get some clea... Tue, 13 Dec 2011 04:59:42 EST Christmas Cookies! (with pics!) Had such a great time making cookies with my Mum! <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> So pretty! <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <link> </link> <BR> <BR> No, I didn't start eating These are ABC (already been chewed) cookies. The decorating didn't turn out how I wanted it to, because it was late by the time I got to these ones and just wa... Mon, 12 Dec 2011 01:24:21 EST Sparkly Again! OMG...Just did this super long blog and lost it....grrrrrrrrr..will try to remember everything. <BR> <BR> I have been feeling my spark dimming over the last couple of weeks. I haven't been as consistent with my fitness or blogging. I have been reading and responding to posts...sending goodies and birthday wishes..but I haven't really been here. It really started when I broke my fitness streak. I have been keeping up with my nutrition though, so I know I didn't completely lose sight of my... Sun, 11 Dec 2011 02:44:24 EST