STRIPPERGLITTER's SparkPeople Blog STRIPPERGLITTER's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community God I'm trying I don't think about it too often, it's hard enough to deal with being fat as it is. <BR> <BR> But I have to admit that I've let God down. <BR> <BR> He gave me this temple that is my body. I need to care for it. <BR> <BR> I'm trying God. I'm trying. I need some help though. <BR> <BR> <em>43</em> Wed, 30 Jul 2008 14:20:12 EST Why does this have to be so hard I'm sick of having to start over. <BR> <BR> I wonder how far I could have been if I had just kept at it. <BR> <BR> A year ago I weighed 20-ish pounds less than I do now, maybe even 25. <BR> <BR> It was wonderful. <BR> <BR> But I allowed myself to mess it up, and now here I am. Again. <BR> <BR> Picked up a book called "Protein Power" at a used book store last week. I'm giving that a try. <BR> <BR> I have no expectations right now. All I can do is start. Again. Tue, 1 Jul 2008 18:33:11 EST Exercise exercise! Haven't been tracking my food the last couple (few) days, but I AM tracking my exercise, and I am making myself go! <BR> <BR> I was thwarted last night (3/5) though! I went to work out at the **24/7** fitness club I belong to....and I couldn't get in! Eventually someone else came along, and he had the same problem. I was glad to know it wasn't just me, but oh was it frustrating! I FORCED myself to go (it's so much easier to be lazy!) and then I get there and can't do what I set out to do. <... Fri, 7 Mar 2008 03:21:11 EST I HAVE to watch the carbs There's just no other way. Well, I'm sure there is, but I know from experience that I will feel better and lose faster if I get a handle on my carb intake. As in breads and such. Fruits & veggies I'm not so concerned about, but bread is my weakness. I really really enjoy eating breads. It used to be cake, but not even that so much, not always. French bread with pasta, strudels, etc -- those are big downfalls for me. I have to remove them from my diet for at least the time being to kick-start... Fri, 29 Feb 2008 14:25:50 EST So far, so good First, thank you to those who have posted comments on my page or on my blog entries!! I appreciate the words so much :-) <BR> <BR> Second -- like the title says, "so far, so good" today. One moment at a time.... Mon, 25 Feb 2008 16:55:47 EST Took the weekend off Wasn't worth it. I let myself eat "whatever" yesterday, and afterwards I felt icky. Bloated, weighted down, sluggish. I have been a bit better today, but still not "good". Back to it tomorrow, eh? Sun, 24 Feb 2008 21:28:55 EST One meal at a time Yesterday was a pretty good day. Even though I messed up with what I chose for dinner, I stayed *in the range* for most everything! Went overboard on sodium though. Oops. <BR> <BR> I am trying very much not to think ahead too far when it comes to food. What is the phrase I heard once....Eat to live, not live to eat. That's what I'm trying to do. Food has been too big a thing for too long. I was treating every day as a "special occasion" type thing, and eating without thought. Probably not ... Thu, 21 Feb 2008 12:07:05 EST Feeling defeated at this moment I was looking back at some old posts, and at my comparison picture below. How far could I have been if I had not screwed up? <BR> <BR> What is it in me that I allowed myself to mess up? Why did I pick food over being more healthy and looking better? How can I stop it from happening again? <BR> <BR> I feel really sad right now. Not the "give up and stop fighting" feeling, but just dejected that I let myself down. I'm tired of doing that. <BR> <BR> Sun, 10 Feb 2008 03:36:40 EST Starting over -- AGAIN Well, I dropped the ball. <BR> <BR> I gained it back. <BR> <BR> I'm starting over. <BR> <BR> Don't know what to say about that, other than....I'm starting over. <BR> <BR> Sigh. Sun, 10 Feb 2008 03:31:31 EST Been a long time.... Yep, I slacked. <BR> <BR> Yep, I gained some back. <BR> <BR> Nope, I am not giving up. <BR> <BR> It's that "special time of the month", any moment now. Normally I would use that as a license to eat whatever and say I will get back on track in a few days. <BR> <BR> Not this time. <BR> <BR> I am taking "drastic measures" and following a program I found in Woman's World (their newest "diet of the week" LOL). I figure for 4 days or so, it will shake things up and get me into a controlled m... Tue, 14 Aug 2007 17:28:47 EST Can I believe this?? 25 pounds!! Okay, so *technically* the scale said 320.9, but I am giving myself the liberty of taking off that .9 and saying I've lost, as of last night, 25 pounds! Oh my goodness. This is wow wow wow. <BR> <BR> Let me tell you that I have never, ever, ever done this before, not like this. <BR> <BR> ** I have never stayed with a diet (or whatever) this long <BR> ** I have never lost this amount of weight without being on a plan like Diet Center, Nutrisystem, etc. In other words, I have... Sat, 9 Jun 2007 14:41:06 EST I don't want anyone to think I've given up! I'm sporadically tracking my food intake, though I do try to always put my exercise in even if I haven't entered the food. I figure I need to learn to eat properly without always writing it down, so some days I slack. Maybe that's bad, but I'm trying. <BR> <BR> I just had 2 of my favorite wraps for dinner, and now I'm wishing I'd only had one. They are a lot more filling than I think they are. I hadn't eaten much today, so I thought "Well, I'll have 2 wraps for dinner". Not necessary! <BR> ... Sun, 3 Jun 2007 22:21:54 EST That said.... ....I REALLY REALLY REALLY would like a bagel spread with Philadelphia Cheesecake filling!! <BR> <BR> I'm resisting, but oy! Wed, 9 May 2007 15:15:04 EST Switching it up a little I slacked for about a week on my calorie counting. I think I am tired of it after doing so since, I decided to count carbs for awhile. LOL Still counting stuff, but just watching something different. I know from past experience that limiting my carb intake works well for me, and I need to kick the weight loss machine into gear. I have been stagnant for awhile, and that has to stop! <BR> <BR> My initial plan was to follow South Beach for awhile, but what I chose to do instead wa... Wed, 9 May 2007 15:10:13 EST Made it through that "time of the month" Yay, I made it through without any (or much) damage. I am "up" 4/10 of a pound, and that is not bad at ALL considering I said "screw it" and didn't really track my food and kind of ate what I wanted. But even being "bad" wasn't as bad as it used to be. No more downing half a dozen donuts or half a bag of candy. Nope. <BR> <BR> I took my neck, waist, and hip measurements for the first time today. I wonder how often I should re-check those; once a month? I think that's what I'll go with for no... Mon, 2 Apr 2007 17:30:50 EST Sometimes it's okay to look back.... So when I started Sparking again in January, SP's calculators told me that I could lose 50# by the end of June. Wow, I thought -- that would be *perfect* for my reunion. I wouldn't be as thin as I will be when I hit my tentative goal weight of 200#, but certainly thinner than I am NOW, and have a wider range of clothing available and be looking pretty good. <BR> <BR> Then in February I slacked off and basically just maintained my loss to that point. And I started getting discouraged -- but ... Thu, 22 Mar 2007 16:47:42 EST Almost 15 pounds gone!! When I lose 2/10 of a pound, I will officially be down 15 pounds!! <BR> <BR> Here, I have to mark each of those pounds: <BR> <BR> !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <BR> <BR> :-D Tue, 13 Mar 2007 17:31:50 EST Numbers are dropping again! Hooray!! I've lost another pound after pretty much just bouncing around in February, and am on my way to losing another! Maybe this will work after all ;-) Mon, 12 Mar 2007 16:27:00 EST Yep Still still here. Just quiet. Working through this valley in the weight loss/eating better/eating less dept. I'll make it. Thu, 1 Mar 2007 16:58:30 EST Still with this, ya know ;-) Just a quick fly-by to let my friends and MYSELF know I'm still in this game. :-) Wed, 21 Feb 2007 17:07:13 EST Gained 'em, lost 'em. They're staying off! So I think I gained a few pounds last week, but that's okay, b/c I <BR> took them back off :-) <BR> <BR> I am holding steady at the -3 I posted last week. Finally! I had a <BR> few days there that were rough, but I charged thru it with help from my wonderful friends (that'd be you ladies) and got the scale back to where it should be. <BR> <BR> Next week I hope to leave this number range behind and move *down* to the next! <BR> Sat, 17 Feb 2007 14:37:19 EST Guessing at calories Well, I went ahead and entered as close as I could find on the Spark food finder the stuff I ate on Sunday. It took me over my range for sure, but not 5# worth. *shrug* <BR> <BR> In any case, it now says 3# "gain", so I'm going to assume salt/water retention, and just keep on hangin' on. <BR> <BR> I've discovered that I really like almonds as a snack! I measure out my 1/4 cup and nibble at them. They are quite filling, and from what I understand, also good for me! :-) Wed, 14 Feb 2007 18:21:41 EST My scale is still betraying me! It still says up 5# this morning. I simply do not understand at all how this can be! Really, what in the world is going on? <BR> <BR> The *only* thing I can think is that I am retaining water and it takes me a few days to get rid of it. I did notice my feet seeming swollen last night. <BR> <BR> Yes yes, I should put the scale away. But tomorrow "should" be my weigh-in day. I'm not putting a gain on there when I didn't do anything wrong! (Well, not long-term wrong, anyway. A day when I was o... Wed, 14 Feb 2007 11:12:55 EST Stressful day, want to eat I really want to stuff my face this evening. I mean, a lot. <BR> <BR> It was a heck of an afternoon, kid tantrum and all that fun stuff. And there are cookies (not that good but still, there they are) sitting on the kitchen counter. <BR> <BR> I did not count calories Sunday. <BR> <BR> I did yesterday, but I also went over by some. <BR> <BR> I am okay today to this point, but my scale told me I gained 5 pounds. I'm going to assume it's from water retention or some such thing, because even... Wed, 14 Feb 2007 01:03:50 EST Sunday We celebrated our oldest son's birthday yesterday at a pizza place. I admit I went off counting calories etc for the day. I didn't go totally CRAZY but I was not paying attention to eating right. I paid for it later by not feeling good. It's funny how quickly our bodies become accustomed to eating better/eating less! <BR> <BR> Back to it today, however! Mon, 12 Feb 2007 17:09:56 EST Wooooooo me!! -12 pounds. <BR> <BR> Yes, that's what I said. <BR> <BR> MINUS <BR> <BR> TWELVE <BR> <BR> POUNDS <BR> <BR> !!!!!!!!!!!! <BR> <BR> I could not do this without the support I get from my friends. Thank you all. Thank you. <BR> <BR> Thu, 8 Feb 2007 13:12:16 EST It will be worth it! I'm so proud of myself -- it's hard sometimes changing the way I've been almost my whole life, but I know it will be worth it. I am utterly determined to meet my goal of 50# (or very close to it) LOST by the end of June this year. What better way to start the summer than thinner and healthier?? Tue, 6 Feb 2007 19:05:31 EST Blah couple of days, but.... ....I'm back on track now :-) <BR> <BR> I let "that time of the month" get the better of me Friday and Saturday. Not *completely* out of control, but not as wise as I could have been. That's okay, it's back to it today! Sun, 4 Feb 2007 20:30:50 EST Changed my ticker I did what some others have done and changed my ticker to a smaller increment. *MUCH* more motivating that way! Fri, 2 Feb 2007 02:46:22 EST Another pound, that's RIGHT! 336.1 today. <BR> <BR> *Nearly* 9# lost since January 2. <BR> <BR> Thu, 1 Feb 2007 16:57:17 EST Still here ;-) I figure I need to check in every so often, so my friends know I'm still with it, still counting my calories, exercising, LOSING. Even if the scale is slow on its way to lower numbers, I'm hangin' in, hangin' out, and hangin' quote Tanya Tucker ;-) Wed, 31 Jan 2007 11:02:50 EST Another pound gone for a total of 7!! It seems when I have a really bad time emotionally with the scale is when I see results. LOL <BR> <BR> I was so discouraged last night. I felt like I wasn't seeing any results after the initial loss, and I have been so *good* the last 4 days (except for sodium, but that's a work in progress) -- my calories, fat, protein, etc -- they've all been right in the range, even on the low ends some days. I've gone out and walked every day for 30+ minutes, and not just strolling, but really walking, K... Fri, 26 Jan 2007 15:11:26 EST If you know me.... If we know each other "in real life" or elsewhere online, I hope that you will be as non-judgemental as possible should you look at my ticker and see my weight and how much I have to lose. <BR> <BR> If we are friends, there is a reason. You've shown me that I can trust you, that you care, that you are respectful of me. And hopefully that's been a 2-way street and I haven't let you down. <BR> <BR> Now that said....even though we are friends and you care about me, I hope that you will not be... Sun, 21 Jan 2007 00:36:42 EST Still hanging in there Just a note to say I am still with SP. I had some hang ups as far as expecting bigger losses....I think sodium was an issue for me, so I am trying to reduce that. Tue, 16 Jan 2007 14:18:00 EST I'm back! My my my, it has been awhile, eh? <BR> <BR> Well, I've decided I've had enough of being fat. I've gained weight and it needs to stop NOW. I'm at an all time high, or close to it. <BR> <BR> I'm losing it this time. I am going to stick with SOME type of plan and LOSE THIS FAT. Thu, 4 Jan 2007 05:12:22 EST (no title) I've been sticking with the calorie and other limits lately, and am really proud of myself. It was hard last night I admit, I had a severe case of the munchies and wanted to EAT. I did have a treat, but even that did not send me over the edge as far as all my counts. That was a nice feeling. <BR> <BR> I've discovered that I am really enjoying kosher dill pickle spears. I look forward to that each night when I have them with dinner (usually). I am not ordinarily a pickle eater, but they just ... Sat, 20 May 2006 11:55:18 EST Back on the scale, baby!! Woohoo!!!! I just weighed myself, as I have been doing every day, to see if I was back on the scale. You know, numbers instead of "ERR". Well, yippee!! I got numbers today!! I am just barely there, but I saw numbers, twice! Thank you SparkPeople! Tue, 16 May 2006 15:12:16 EST (no title) Zoinks. I do so well during the day, and then *whoosh*, I blow it at night. Why is this? Tue, 16 May 2006 01:40:57 EST (no title) Was traveling yesterday and did not eat properly. Trying to get back to it today! Sat, 13 May 2006 10:21:32 EST (no title) So yesterday I went overboard by a lot; I was having trouble with my eating, with controlling it. That is definitely an area I need to work on. Wed, 10 May 2006 11:54:27 EST A migraine At about 2:30 this morning I was lying in bed and I figured out what was making me sick: A migraine. Yuck. I haven't had one in ages, and I hope I never do again. Had a little more appetite today, but still trying to behave and keep it under control. I have to say I really like this site, and having the range of calories, etc to work with. It's so easy to use. A big big thumbs up from me! Tue, 9 May 2006 01:40:36 EST Still sick Feeling better but not great today. Finally decided to try a yogurt, just to get a little something in my body. Going to drink some Diet 7-Up in a bit, take some Tylenol. Sun, 7 May 2006 17:42:27 EST (no title) My first day with this, and I am sick. Ugh. Hit me out of nowhere. No worries about maxing out the calories, etc today! Sat, 6 May 2006 23:50:03 EST