STORKBYTE's SparkPeople Blog STORKBYTE's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Motivation My motivation to do this is at an all time low. I last one or two weeks and give up. I read other Spark members blogs, daily motivations and I feel inspired yet can't stick to what I want to accomplish. I am at a point where I really can't stand the way I look. 5'5" and close to 190 lbs. Now my heaviest ever. Even when I had my first child 28 years ago, I weighed 10 lbs less than this when he was born. I look in the mirror with disgust. I see fat wings at my triceps. Thunder thighs. ... Tue, 16 May 2017 01:18:37 EST Some days I feel like a train wreck. <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I am hoping the above "quote" helps me to stay motivated. Motivation: the act or process of giving someone a reason for doing something : the act or process of motivating someone. : the condition of being eager to act or work : the condition of being motivated. : a force or influence that causes someone to do something. <BR> <BR> Logging my food is still my biggest challenge, followed by ... Sun, 12 Feb 2017 16:54:34 EST Reset, reset, reset, reset. I'm a broken record. <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I seem to reset on a regular basis now. For what ever reason, I'm not staying on track. I have a myriad of excuses. Shift work. Tired. Sore foot. Winter. January. Depressed. Who cares? Menopause. Mentalpause. <BR> Result? Once again, down to 4 scrubs that fit comfortably. Next step, size L. Sigh. Disgust when I look in the mirror. A rotund little 5'5" 55 year old. <BR> Unusu... Fri, 6 Jan 2017 13:39:47 EST Reset <img src=""> <BR> <BR>'s been a while since I've written anything. I worked hard over the summer, following various routines...Zumba Fitness on WiiU, the 21 Day Fix exercises, Jessica Smith walking workouts, Jessica Smith toning, and some of the Spark exercises. Though I didn't loose much weight, my clothes fit nicer. Bear with me, I really am going somewhere... <BR> This brings me to September, wh... Tue, 22 Nov 2016 23:24:59 EST The Scale <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <BR> Ah, the scale. I have been diligent for several weeks, and have avoided the weigh in. Yesterday, I decided to "weigh" in. I've been doing cardio, strength, clean eating (minimal processed food) and (drum roll) ..... I gained 3 lbs! I stood there staring down at that number I am trying to desperately get a way from and there it was in bold. I cried. Thought all this hard work was ... Thu, 14 Jul 2016 10:48:36 EST 16 Days <img src=""> <BR> <BR> ..........I have pretty much been doing this with the odd day of nothing. <BR> <BR> It has been 16 days since I purchased my Fitbit. Do I think I'm moving more? Definitely. I have found myself jogging on the spot to get my 250 in when that little piece of tech messages me it's time to move. Some how, this little device on my wrist makes me want to do a workout. Weird. It's like my li... Tue, 12 Jul 2016 14:39:46 EST Pizza Guilt and Zumba Day 1 with my new fitbit. I sure walk a lot at work. And today wasn't even that busy. And, I jumped on the scale this morning...not literally of course.....and I have lost 3lb of the 7 I had gained back. Yay! I went to work feeling good. <BR> Dilemma when I got home from work. Supper? I hadn't taken anything out of the freezer, and didn't stop at the store on my way home. My son was home. Of course the word Pizza was out of his mouth pretty quick. Hmm. Pizza. It's been a while.... Wed, 29 Jun 2016 00:13:12 EST Fitbit <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Today I purchased a Fitbit Alta. I hope it was worth the $192 I spent on it. On sale doesn't count for much once you add all the taxes. I've toyed with the idea of this for a few months now. And, I always found a reason not to go out and spend that much money on something for myself. I'm not sure what changed my mind today. I think it is part of this weird mindset I've been in for a ... Mon, 27 Jun 2016 23:19:47 EST Pity Party <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <BR> Two weeks ago, I crashed and I went down hard. It was a Friday night, and I was exhausted when I got home from work. My youngest adult son was home and requested a pizza night as we haven't had one in forever. Sigh. Okay. I ordered a thin crust vegetarian pizza. Small. I found it overly salty. I think I ate 2/3's of it. Saturday morning, woke up feeling like a sponge. My hands... Sat, 11 Jun 2016 23:43:55 EST My Go To Workout I love to dance. I love Latin American music. Combine the two and you get Zumba. I love Zumba. I had an amazing Zumba instructor at the gym I used to go to. The gym closed. My eldest son owns a WiiU........I purchased Zumba Fitness World Party based on the reviews. And.I.Love.It. I'm not wasting money on a gym membership. I workout in the comfort of my home, though carpet isn't ideal but it's doable. I can chose a short workout (30 minutes), medium at 45 minutes or full workout whic... Fri, 27 May 2016 00:29:48 EST Picking My Hard <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I love that picture. It speaks to me. I feel calm when I look at it. Though I don't have long slender legs, secretly, I'd love to be able to mimic that picture. <BR> <BR> I'm two weeks into "picking my hard". I've had days when I don't want to put on my dance shoes. I don't want to put on my work out pants. I don't want to sweat. I don't want to breathe heavy. I. Just. Don't. Beca... Tue, 17 May 2016 13:25:42 EST Spring......time <img src=""> <BR> <BR> How is it that a workation followed by a vacation can totally sabotage whatever headway you have made? Aside from walking from where I park my car into the hospital where I work, I have done nothing that resembles exercise. Nothing. I left home for a medical humanitarian mission at the end of February. Twenty-two of us went to Haiti. Northern Coast. Totally safe. We worked 8 out of our... Sat, 30 Apr 2016 11:17:16 EST Clean Eating I joined a support group in the hopes that I can lose some of this weight I've gained over the last 2 years. It focuses on clean eating, exercise, accountability (as I've said before, I lie very well to myself, yet I can not lie to people). Week one is completed. Being the scatterbrain that I am, I can't find my initial measurements. Oh well. What can you do? I did my measurements today and being smarter, put them here on Spark where I should have put them in the first place. Weight wi... Sun, 24 Jan 2016 15:03:03 EST Pledge I found this today as a featured blog so I copied it from CERIUSLY. She in turn has copied it from a spark person, who copied it and so on and so forth. I've read it once, twice and now 3 times and I have to say it is a post that makes me want to try hard. Try hard to find the person I was not that long ago. I want to love myself again. I want to feel like a winner. So yeah, I take the pledge. <BR> <BR> <BR> Saturday, June 30, 2012 <BR> Taken from BBonet's blog <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> ... Sun, 3 Jan 2016 22:23:24 EST Eye Opener <em>230</em> So, I had a get together with a friend tonight at the Olive Garden. Now, I thought I was a smarty pants today. I did a 30 minute cycling interval workout on the recumbent bike and felt just a bit smug. But not any more. I treated myself to a glass of red wine. Had one bread stick and salad. My entree was the lobster ravioli. Not a large serving. But this dish does not need to be large to do damage. As I logged my meal, a whopping 1300 calories!!! And, dessert. I a... Thu, 31 Dec 2015 00:17:03 EST Getting Back On Track <em>249</em> <BR> I've been off site for close to a month now. I just finished reading the article 25 Ways to Get You Back on Track. I am very much off track. I worked a lot of night shifts from the end of November to mid December. Keeping track of my food intake was messed up. Exercise dwindled. "......missed one workout, and that turned into a whole week away from the gym. After that, your momentum to start over again was gone, and your gym bag hasn’t left the closet since." This ... Wed, 30 Dec 2015 01:29:39 EST Energized. Happy sunny Saturday! And only -5c. I have discovered Jessica Smith on and have started doing her videos for my workout. She is so easy to listen to and the music is doable. Right now, she's my "go to" for my home workouts. I still haven't decided if I'm going to re-join a gym now that mine is closing at the end of the month. I think I can accomplish just as much at home, but with the deep freeze of winter on my doorstep, the advantage of the gym membership is that it gets me... Sat, 28 Nov 2015 15:32:06 EST Wow I was down for 48 hours with a GI bug. I went to work today feeling pretty blah. I finally got brave and stepped onto the scale. I knew I had gained weight. I had a real feel sorry for myself year with feel sorry for me eating. But, I was also a little in denial. Denied how much weight I had gained. I suspected. My bras are tight. Summer clothes from last year didn't fit this year. Some clothes I bought in the late summer are snug now. I don't know why I decided today was the day to... Wed, 25 Nov 2015 00:20:22 EST Nights And The Weather We haven't had a lull at work in a while. These past 4 nights I worked, were nice. Steady, but not crazy. 2 births a night instead of 6. The best part was, no politics for a change. The weather was beautiful. It was nice to go to work for my night shift and think how nice it was for mid November. All that changed yesterday afternoon with this crazy low that came in. First there was rain. Then the temperatures dropped and the rain changed to snow. The winds picked up. The roads turne... Thu, 19 Nov 2015 21:30:42 EST Simply want to say ........hello Saturday! It's beautiful for November 14th. 10c. I've done my work out for today. I have the cat's box soaking. Washed my delicates. Now for a protein shake for lunch and then shower and nap so I can make it through my night shift tonight. Sat, 14 Nov 2015 15:01:32 EST Think Differently Another sunny day, another day without snow. The next few days look like they will be really nice and well above seasonal temperatures. Sadly, I have to work night shift and will miss most of it. I was working out this morning and realized how much of a negative person I have become. I wonder, if it was easier to hide when my boys were young and I had to channel so much energy into them. I didn't have time to think about how miserable I thought my life was (aside from my wonderful sons)... Fri, 13 Nov 2015 15:57:11 EST Mind Over Matter I feel successful today, and it's only 11:40 a.m. <BR> It was a very busy 3 days at work and I was absolutely exhausted when I got home from work yesterday. I really needed down time. I fully intended to watch a movie and I ended up napping on the couch. <BR> Today, when my alarm went off at 7;30, I got up pretty much right away. I took an hour to skim through my email, ate a banana and then began to search for some different work outs. So what I accomplished was a 14 minute cardio work... Thu, 12 Nov 2015 12:48:09 EST Reset I reset my weight. Reset my goal weight. Pounds lost is therefore zero. <BR> Had a 2 hour meeting after work today. Had absolutely no energy to do a workout. One easy goal for tomorrow is.......workout after work. I think I can manage that as long as I do it as soon as I walk in the door. Really kind of feeling sorry for myself. Wed, 11 Nov 2015 00:37:25 EST I always wander back I've been out of commission for a month or two. I'm afraid to look and see when I actually was here last. I pushed myself to finish the 21 Day Fix program. I know what happened. Typical of me. All gung hoe! Push, push, push...and crash and burn. When I finished, the changes were minimal. And I thought....."why did I bother/" I'm so notorious for having way to high expectations of myself, others and my abilities. Not sure what I'm going to do. I have goals. I have a vision in my he... Sat, 7 Nov 2015 14:32:04 EST The Power of the The Brain <em>27</em> <BR> Two days of rain, heading into 3. Thick heavy gloomy cloud. My sump pump comes on every 10 minutes. It's annoying but I'm thankful I had the money to have one installed last year. I'm not sure where this rain is coming from. Huge system over the prairies. I guess I'm lucky I don't live in Tampa though. Their weather is worse. Flooding. <BR> I had set a goal, to do my 3rd round of 21 Day Fix DVD cycle without missing a day. I was happy with my progress in t... Thu, 6 Aug 2015 21:02:27 EST Night Shift...again <em>24</em> Today is a switch over so back onto nights in 1 hour. So glad I don't work 12 hour shifts any more. I did manage to get a 3 hour nap in this afternoon so I should be wide away for the night. <BR> Today was Pilates Fix. Tomorrow, will be 21 days of exercise done as the 21 Day Fix. I'm going to try to remember to do my measurements. I haven't been on the scale for a few days. Not feeling like I've lost any more weight. That's okay though. I feel good. I've been follo... Tue, 4 Aug 2015 22:42:53 EST A Little More Motivation <em>34</em> Today, I exercised before the sun was setting. I was actually finished my 21 Day Fix workout BEFORE 2 p.m. For me, that is an accomplishment. Feels good to have that task out of the way. No more weight loss this week, but no gain either so I'm happy. <BR> It's a beautiful sunny day here, albeit windy and not overly warm. Only 21c last time I checked. I was going to venture out with my camera to the park, but I think it is way to windy to get decent flower pictures. Ma... Sun, 2 Aug 2015 15:51:45 EST August 1. Am I losing motivation already? <em>40</em> <BR> First of all I have to say, I enjoy comments made to my blog. Well, I guess it isn't really a blog. More about my journey to be happy with myself and the way I look and I know sometimes I do blather on. Back to comments as I tend to digress when I write here......They make me smile and they make me feel like I can keep going with this. <BR> Today is Saturday, it's beautiful and warm out. Though I was up early enough, I couldn't amp myself up to doing my workout until w... Sat, 1 Aug 2015 15:39:58 EST Grumpy Cat <em>521</em> .......but I didn't. I did end up doing my Yoga Fix last night. It went better than the first time. But tonight, I don't know. Swallowed a sour pill on my way home from work. Got home to find out both my young adult children had basically done diddly squat all day. Neither worked. Dishes in the sink. Front lawn not yet mowed. I was home briefly then had to make a run to the bank. Always happy for Wednesdays and Thursdays as those are the late banking days. After that... Thu, 30 Jul 2015 01:48:14 EST Another pound gone Jumped on the scale this morning. One more pound gone. I did a good workout yesterday. It was the dirty 30. So proud that I could almost get through the renegade rows before having to modify. It's late, and I still haven't done anything this evening. Just one of those evenings where I had to vegetate after work, as not busy as I was. So tonight is Yoga Fix which is pretty much a recovery workout. Some good stretches before bed will do me some good. <BR> <em>192</em> <BR> <em>532... Wed, 29 Jul 2015 00:04:00 EST 15 Days Of Hard Work <em>185</em> Today was day 15 of exercise in the 21 Day Fix program. Cardio Fix today but I label it Cardio Fix2 as it is much more intense than the first one. It's one of those work outs where you want to scream, lay down and die, yell and swear at Autumn Calabrese. Which, I do most of that. But I do the whole workout, modifying when I have to. My heart rate is up, I'm sweating. It's all good even though it does feel like torture at the time. I'm 20 days into the diet which as I've ... Sun, 26 Jul 2015 14:45:51 EST Day 14 of the 21 Day Fix Program <em>402</em> Night shift really doesn't fit well with this program. I found, I just couldn't muster the energy to do a workout on Thursday or Friday. Still basically following the eating plan. I've lost a bit of weight, and I'm definitely starting to tone up. I can see it. That makes me happy. <BR> Work was stressful. It's hard being the most senior nurse on the floor with all the other nurses having less than 1 year experience. <BR> Friday morning, work was followed up wit... Sat, 25 Jul 2015 12:19:43 EST My Blogs are Boring...sorry I had a great first night back at work. Really, didn't work hard at all. I'm sure we'll all pay for it tonight, but what a nice way to ease back into the work routine. And of course, it was an absolutely gorgeous day here, that I slept through. <BR> Today was day 13 of my 21 Day Fix program. favourite.....pilates. <em>24</em> <BR> Second round and still disliking it. I do believe I modified less tonight than the first time I did it. Core is strengthening slowly. <BR>... Wed, 22 Jul 2015 22:34:25 EST Addendum......... <em>40</em> <em>41</em> <em>30</em> <em>521</em> <BR> <BR> On a whim, just before hopping into the shower I thought "what the heck B, step on the scale" And.........I lost weight!! 173........from 176. Now, I feel like the work outs are beginning show benefits. Wahoo for me. I feel good.... <BR> <BR> Tue, 21 Jul 2015 23:12:43 EST Vacation over-Day 12 complete <em>362</em> <BR> Day 12 complete of the 21 Day Fix Program. I'm sort of enjoying the workouts. After I'm finished. Not during them. Today though, I got a little dizzy doing one of the routines. Not sure what that was all about. Vacation is officially over until my 10 days off in August. Back to night shift. I am hoping I don't find maintaining the diet too difficult. I need supper right now, but because I will be awake all night, I need to eat at work. This I call my food turn... Tue, 21 Jul 2015 22:22:16 EST Day 11-now 3 days behind but I haven't stopped <em>320</em> Missed my program yesterday. I chose instead, to spend the day with my oldest son tramping around a marsh just north of the city. It rained a bit, but then the sun came out and we had a gorgeous afternoon. Does 90 mins of walking on uneven terrain and on trails equal the sweat inducing 21 Day Fix program? Probably not. Second to that, I was pretty off on my eating plan too. Nothing bad, aside from 1 cookie, went into my mouth. After today's work out though, I was wonde... Mon, 20 Jul 2015 18:21:43 EST Day 9-Still Alive <em>27</em> <em>257</em> <em>67</em> <BR> Mother nature, please make up your mind. I woke up to glorious sunny skies. Reviewed email, had a chat with a friend, breakfast and it clouded over and looked like rain. I made breakfast and donned the work out gear. Day 9 workout complete. 10 minute Abs Fix. I'm still modifying a few but not as much. Core strength is building. <em>41</em> I felt like that wasn't enough of a workout so put on this sort of hokey Denise Au... Fri, 17 Jul 2015 15:19:58 EST Day 8 <em>27</em> <BR> Woke up and got a little cranky when I saw the sky this morning. Heavy clouds that hung around all day. I couldn't even bring myself to leave the house. So far, vacation weather has been kind of sucky. And I go back to work next week doing night shift. Sigh. <BR> I did manage to muster up the energy to do my 21 Day Fix. Today was yoga. It was a good workout. An hour later, I did 20 minutes of Zumba workout. Not easy on a carpet. I've tracked my food, an... Thu, 16 Jul 2015 22:04:05 EST Missed 2 Days Today is day 7 of my 21 Day Fix. It should be day 9. Drove up to my parents cottage on Sunday after doing my work out. Plan: was to be home mid day Monday to work out and meet a friend for dinner. Didn't happen. Ended up having a late lunch out ( and had supper out the evening before with parents). By the time I got back home I had 30 minutes to clean up and meet my friend for supper. So, 2 days lost in exercise. I had no motivation yesterday. The place we went for dinner didn't have ... Wed, 15 Jul 2015 14:11:25 EST Day 6 <em>386</em> <BR> I stepped on the scale yesterday, 5 days after starting the 21 Day Fix program. Not one pound lost. I have followed that diet to a T...had one alcoholic beverage day 2 and 10 pop chips the other day. Those small tiny digressions can not prevent weight loss considering how hard I'm exercising. Everyday. Even with the strength training, there is cardio. Frustrated. Tomorrow I'll have been doing this one week. a foot note, I didn't spend money on the Shakeo... Sun, 12 Jul 2015 12:44:20 EST Day 5-10 Minute Abs Fix <em>40</em> Yeah, not a big fan of that one either. But, I did it. Had to modify some. So not bad. Patting myself on the back. Just finished a 30 minute dance cardio routine. Annoyance: when they aren't dancing to the beat and rhythm. OMG! What is that? Anyway, despite that annoyance, I finished the 30 minutes. <BR> One thing I do wish, is that I could get proper tracking info for exercises done outside of Spark. I'm doing all this great stuff with 21 Day Fix, yet can't ge... Sat, 11 Jul 2015 13:05:43 EST Day 4-Not Friends With Pilates <em>33</em> Day 4: 21 Day Fix: Pilates Fix. Thought I'd enjoy it. Hate it. Hate it, hate it, hate it. <BR> So, I ask my self why..."why do you hate pilates?" Well, after careful thought, I think one reason is because I can't do most of it. Absolutely no strength. I had to modify almost every excercise. So, I don't like that. Then I tell myself "self, in 3 weeks, you will probably be hardly modifying if at all". Pep talk. Another reason........the burning on fire muscles and ... Fri, 10 Jul 2015 13:41:32 EST Day 3 & Feeling It <em>24</em> <BR> Oh my. I'm so sore......everywhere. Back, arms, legs. It's an effort to stand. But I feel good because I feel like I'm doing something and I feel like I really am working towards my goal. I did "cheat" a wee bit on the diet only because we were running short of time on our way to the concert and ended up at a fantastic burger joint, Greek owned. I had the most amazing Greek burger. Which in itself wasn't so bad, but the slab of Feta cheese, need to... Thu, 9 Jul 2015 13:03:22 EST Day 2 <em>40</em> <BR> I could hardly move my legs this morning. I guess that cardio workout from yesterday worked! LOL. <BR> Today is day 2 of my 21 Day Fix program. Exercise was the Upper Fix, mostly arms with some ABS work. I'm feeling positive I can do this. <BR> I'm going out to a concert tonight with my longest in time friend...48 years! We go weeks without talking or seeing each other and can always seem to pick right up where we left off. She wants to go to Red Lobster. Tha... Wed, 8 Jul 2015 15:13:17 EST Back and forth So here it is, Tuesday July 7th. I was at a family reunion on the weekend. Needless to say, I wasn't overly careful about my food choices. There wasn't really a lot of healthy food choices to make. I think everyone thought the same thing. Haven't seen these relatives for as long as 20 years, it's only one weekend. Enjoy yourself. And I did. Alcohol consumption was low...bonus. I had an out of town relative with me yesterday, so today was the beginning of my 21 Day Fix I've decided to... Tue, 7 Jul 2015 13:23:33 EST On Course Feeling SO determined! <BR> Had started the Beach Body Challenge but ........... wasn't pleased with some of the exercises. I will exercise if I find them doable. Right now, Beach Body has some that aren't which just frustrates me. So rather than feel frustrated, I've gone back to my 30 Day Challenges...Squats, Abs, Arms, Thighs, Back. Those to me are doable. <em>34</em> <BR> I spent an hour doing up dishes and while I did, I danced it out to some good Latin rhythms. <BR> Today...... Sun, 28 Jun 2015 22:35:07 EST Off Course <em>24</em> <BR> I had to do this recertification for work last week, but it requires studying this book. And it's boring. I had to make it a priority. Having had the laser eye surgery May 15th, I found reading was a challenge until 2 weeks ago. There went the exercise, there went the proper eating. On top of that, I had to work 3 weeks of night shift. My routine was toast. <BR> Yesterday, I thought I'd look for a pair of light white summer pants. Can't be found. Either denim... Sat, 27 Jun 2015 11:23:56 EST Night Shift <em>24</em> <BR> I think, after 32 years, night shift is killing me. I blame it on my sleep issues and my weight issues. Being a nurse has broken me. I know that stress plays a huge role in weight management, I have too much stress at work, and stress at home, especially in the last year. <BR> A few years back I had put a picture of me taken at a Christmas party up on my bedroom closet. It was that picture that motivated me to lose 20 lbs. I said, I'd never get to that size again (... Sat, 20 Jun 2015 22:18:29 EST Just stop it! <em>316</em> <BR> I'm on a long stretch of night shift and the motivation somehow went out the window. But it's back. One just has to feel ugly I guess. Or continue to squeeze into jeans that just barely fit, knowing that a few more pounds will require a horrible experience shopping for jeans in a size you swore you'd never wear again. <BR> I was Googling 30 day Challenges and found this 30 day Beach Body Challenge. Thought I might try it. I'm not sure I'll be able to do all the exerc... Sat, 20 Jun 2015 01:57:34 EST 5.96 km <em>311</em> <BR> Today was my first real day out since May 14th. On the 15th, I had laser eye surgery. It's been a slow recovery and I'm feeling a bit down about it. The weather has been absolutely amazing and I can't get out to enjoy it. I'm still photosensitive and have very dry eyes. I haven't been eating a lot but when I do eat I try to eat healthy. I simply have no appetite laying on the couch all day. I can now do light exercise, still need to avoid heavy lifting though. So,... Mon, 25 May 2015 21:53:26 EST