STEPH-KNEE's SparkPeople Blog STEPH-KNEE's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Dirty Looks & Disneyland! Okay, I truly don't understand the dirty looks I've been receiving lately. When I was 270 pounds, I totally got those stares, the jokes, the comments about how big I was. They were hurtful and not fun to see or hear, but it was the reality when I would often be the biggest person in the room. There are kind people and there are cruel/negative people and that is just how the world is. <BR> <BR> As I lost weight (as low as 181 before I started screwing up LOL), I was still not small, but I no ... Thu, 19 Nov 2015 07:36:20 EST Having Fun & Gearing Up For Big Changes... <img src=""> <BR> This is what I posted on my Facebook page today: <BR> Confession Time: I have been eating cheese like it's going out of style, lol! I think it's knowing that I plan to give it up that makes me want it more. Honestly, the only thing about not eating any animal products that worries me is the cheese. Going meatless was easy for me, but I did it the wrong way. I ended up using cheese as a substitute ... Tue, 17 Nov 2015 03:11:08 EST I Heart Feedback & I Heart Spark! I am so honored that so many people took the time to respond to my questions yesterday. I was really looking for honest feedback and I was surprised that I got so many responses. Based on the awesome feedback I have received, this is how I've decided to move forward: <BR> <BR> <em>252</em> I will continue to blog right here on Spark. No extra links to click to see those blogs, just good old fashioned Spark blogging! If I decide to do a separate blog for myself, I will just copy and paste ... Fri, 13 Nov 2015 03:08:15 EST So Here's What I'm Thinking... <img src=""> <BR> First and foremost, I have no intentions of leaving Spark. My journey started here (my failed attempt from 2009 and my most current attempt that has hit a rough patch in 2012) and I always planned to finish the weight loss portion and continue maintenance right here on Spark. That certainly hasn't changed. But part of me has wanted to create a weight loss page on Facebook as well. The only thing i... Thu, 12 Nov 2015 07:19:45 EST More People Want To See You Fail... So my meatless diet is front page news at work... but it is just the flavor of the week. I won't even go on to list the comments I've received in the past few days because they are truly irrelevant. The good news is, tonight is my last shift until my annual vacation and I will be off for 25 days! By the time I get back my meatless-ness is surely going to have been forgotten. Okay so the two truly crazy people will probably ask again at some point (they are just that kind of people), but it'll... Tue, 10 Nov 2015 20:59:16 EST Celebrating 31 Days Meatless! <img src=""> <BR> *My current Facebook status update: <BR> <BR> Coworker: Are you still not eating meat? <BR> Me: Yep <BR> Coworker *TONE*: How long do you think that'll last? <BR> Me: It's been a month, so... yeah... <BR> Coworker: So there's no meat in your burrito???? <BR> Me: It's bean & cheese! <BR> People slay me. 31 days meatless, no turning back. I'm sturdy. I'm also not stupid enough to lie about somethin... Sun, 8 Nov 2015 03:05:42 EST How I Have Changed In 2 Years! Unfortunately this isn't some awesome blog about how much weight I've lost in 2 years or how I've changed physically. That would be a fun blog to write, but somehow this is fun in a different sense. It might seem a little confusing at first, but have faith in me. <em>246</em> <BR> <BR> This is a collage I made of the last 3 years of going to Halloween Horror Nights. Same pillar every time too, kinda cool! <BR> <BR> <img src=" Tue, 3 Nov 2015 03:38:02 EST Don't Open Til May 1st! <img src=""> <BR> This blog is just for me... I have never truly set goals like this. I am not a timeline person... and I often feel like if I don't hit the goal then somehow I have failed. Although clearly the lack of goal setting has really not been helpful these past few months. So I am going to set some goals, and some rules that I want to learn to incorporate in my daily life. I want to be able to look back on... Sat, 31 Oct 2015 03:33:55 EST So Much Support But Not Supporting Yourself! <img src=""> <BR> It was quite ironic today when I realized that despite all the support surrounding me, I was not supporting myself. I used to support myself, I used to kick butt and take names when it came to weight loss, but that seems like soooooooo long ago. It feels like a life time ago, but the truth is I was doing fine up until April of this year. That person is still in me, I have just put her on the sidel... Fri, 30 Oct 2015 08:12:58 EST I Can Picture It... :( <img src=""> <BR> I can picture sitting here in 6 months, writing a blog to admit to everyone (and myself) that I have gained back all my weight. The way things have been going, this 25 pound regain, the out of control eating, the lazy habits, just the way things are going, I can completely picture me sitting here at that high weight, crying, and writing that blog. <BR> <BR> What is crazy is once upon a time, ther... Wed, 28 Oct 2015 20:38:10 EST STEPH-KNEE UNCENSORED: VOLUME 4 <img src=""> <BR> <em>228</em> Disclaimer: Occasionally I do these blogs where I am uncensored and unfiltered. Anyone who knows me knows that I am pretty transparent in all of my blogs, but these type in particular are the equivalent of letting you read my journal entry. They aren't really motivating or uplifting, they are just me, alone with my thoughts essentially. So if you feel they are harsh or unmotivating... Tue, 27 Oct 2015 03:03:32 EST I'll Take Motivation Wherever I Can Find It! <img src=""> <BR> I have been a downward spiral, and it hasn't been fun... okay, if I'm being honest, eating crap and not worrying about what I was eating was a little bit fun. <em>246</em> But let's break it down... eating junk tastes good at the time, and is something that I don't worry about... until later! Later on I feel bad about what I ate, I feel bad physically because my body doesn't appreciate the junk... Thu, 22 Oct 2015 03:01:41 EST Luke Bryan & Doing What Makes YOU Happy! <em>228</em> If you don't give a tiny rats behind about Luke Bryan, skip down lower! LOL! PS. My video was super clear, but uploading it to the internet takes away it's sparkle! <BR> <BR> Last year I ventured out to go to a Luke Bryan concert by myself. It was my first time doing anything big like that alone. I had a blast, enjoyed myself and realized I could conquer the world. Okay maybe that's a little dramatic but it allowed me to venture out alone to go to Disneyland as well! Last year... Mon, 19 Oct 2015 07:51:32 EST Fat, Unhappy & Blessed! I am not back to my regularly scheduled programming just yet. I'm still learning, researching and trying to understand my regain. But while I'm working on that I thought I would share how I'm feeling right now. Fat, unhappy and blessed! I'm going to do my best to make the fat and unhappy portions half as long as the blessed portion. Wish me luck! <BR> <BR> I feel FAT! Yes, I can call myself that. I have a great relationship with myself and I don't take offense to it. I don't wake up hating... Thu, 15 Oct 2015 05:40:36 EST New Before Photo! <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I am considering this my new before photo! This photo is important to me on so many levels... despite the fact I'm 205ish pounds, not happy with my stomach or my 20 pound regain, I didn't allow that to hold me back. I walked 7 miles, I ran, yes ran from zombies! I was careful not to overdo it to the point of hurting my knee, and did wear a knee brace, but it did show me I could be like "ever... Sun, 4 Oct 2015 07:06:29 EST Ending The Pity Party! Starting October off right! <img src=""> <BR> First off, thank you so much for all the goodies and support! I didn't know that a post of a sad cat would get so many responses. <em>246</em> <em>239</em> You are all so sweet and I was truly grateful to see that I really do have the best Spark friends. <em>247</em> It's hard to continue to feel sad when you have so many kind words given to you from amazing people. <BR> <BR> I will say ... Thu, 1 Oct 2015 03:07:00 EST A New Vision... Board! :) When I started my weight loss journey, there were so many motivational tools that were suggested to me through Spark & fellow sparkers. I did the marble jars, I attempted a vision collage, and tried a few other things. The thing was, I did them because I was told it was a good idea. I wasn't really sure WHY I was doing them, other than to be "one of the crowd." <em>246</em> <BR> <BR> In fact, I never finished the motivational collage. Cutting out pictures of ideal bodies that I could nev... Sat, 26 Sep 2015 03:14:25 EST Why Putting Yourself Out There Can Be Tough... <img src=""> <BR> I got a lot of feedback on one of my recent blogs, and I'm so glad it spoke to so many of you. Not only does it show you that you aren't alone, it reminds me that I'm not alone either. <em>220</em> I am always humbled, excited and quite shocked by all the support I continue to receive on Spark. <em>129</em> I never take any of it for granted, and I do read every comment I receive. But with c... Wed, 23 Sep 2015 03:23:54 EST Steph's Super Dooper Sugar Plan! <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <em>228</em> Disclaimer: I am in no way promoting this plan, asking others to join me, or anything of the sort. I am just posting some accountability for myself. <em>304</em> <BR> <BR> If you have been my Spark friend for quite some time, you're awesome. <em>246</em> But in addition to being awesome I am sure you have heard me talk about the 21 Day Sugar Detox. I successfully comp... Mon, 21 Sep 2015 03:30:09 EST It's Like Starting Over... Only BETTER! <img src=""> <BR> As I was laying in bed last night, I was thinking about HOW I could get things turned around. I mean it's pretty obvious: Stop eating like a heffer is going to be step one, but more specifically HOW do I get this turned around? Of course my instincts are to just dive right in to what I was doing before things started to get out of control. Walk 2-3 miles a day, track everything, do this do that. ... Sun, 20 Sep 2015 03:11:26 EST I Want What I Had... <img src=""> <BR> I'm sure you know the expression: <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> That is what that photo represents to me, it was taken on January 22nd, 2015 and that day was very special to me on many levels. For starters, it was my first solo trip to Disneyland, I was in my size 16 shorts (weighed 186) and had walked a record 13 miles ... Sat, 19 Sep 2015 03:51:52 EST WWWWI: #1 The world doesn't revolve around me?! <img src=""> <BR> Yep, the dreaded gain. <em>246</em> We have all been there, and there are many Sparkers that won't even post a gain. There's nothing wrong with that at all, your journey, your choices, whatever works for you! Years ago I never wanted to log the gains, and for a long time I didn't. But the one thing that sucks about not logging the gain is that when it comes back down you don't get to celebrate ... Wed, 16 Sep 2015 22:23:40 EST WWWWI: #0 Yes yes, my title doesn't make any sense. <em>198</em> Well I totally said there were 16 weigh-ins left this year... well I didn't realize that the 31st is a Thursday, which means if you are a Thursday weigher like me, there are 16 weigh ins NOW! Oopsie doodles! <BR> <BR> So I'm going to call today #0, and then count my 1-16 from there! <BR> <BR> So what are all the W's for? Weekly Weight Watchers Weigh-In! If At some point I no longer go to Weight Watchers, I will remove two W's. In all... Thu, 10 Sep 2015 22:05:30 EST Looking Forward To Bigger & Brighter Things! <img src=""> <BR> It's no secret I love Disney, and I have always wanted to go to Disney World! I also have my love for elephants, and my mom said she would go with me after I hit my goal to the Elephant Sanctuary! I still want to do that, and I sure do plan on it. I decided it would not only be after goal but after my tummy tuck. Of course with my regain and not having my head on straight, things get pushed back f... Wed, 9 Sep 2015 04:57:47 EST A Look Back On 2015! No no, don't check your calendars... I may be hopped up on cold medicine still, but I know it's not the end of December, 2015. I look back on each year and do an overview of weight, my victories, my losses, the whole she-bang! <BR> <BR> As I'm sitting here, still living in Twoterville I thought to myself, "Dang, if this were the end of the year, 2015 would have been a colossal waste!" That is a really crummy feeling. <BR> <BR> If this were the end of 2015, this would be my weight chart: <... Mon, 7 Sep 2015 03:04:18 EST Random Rambles I will try to keep this short, but I'm hopped up on cold medicine and so if a lot of it doesn't make sense, that would be why! <BR> <BR> Today I was 201, how exciting LOL. I really feel like I can leave Twoterville behind for good this time. I guess crossing back into this territory really set me straight. It showed me how easy it is to slip back into those bad habits and let all of our hard work slip away. It reminded me that no one is immuned to regain and it can happen to anyone at any ti... Sat, 5 Sep 2015 04:37:19 EST Attitude Is Everything! So I went to Disneyland alone on Monday, which I totally love! It is not something I ever thought I would have the courage to do, but my first alone adventure was to a Luke Bryan concert last year. After I realized how no one cares if you are alone, no one even truly notices, why can't I go to Disneyland alone? So this was my second trip alone, and it was a blast. <BR> <BR> But attitude is everything. I am up 20 pounds from my lowest, and I have never visited Disneyland in Twoterville (unles... Wed, 2 Sep 2015 04:01:46 EST "What Got You Started The First Time?" <img src=""> <BR> The best kind of friend is one that can be supportive, and listen to you... but more importantly makes you think! Lynn (Lynn-LovesLife7) often makes me think, and I owe her for it! She casually asked me "what got you started the first time?". When I set out, and ended up losing 90 pounds, what did it, what gave me that break through to get up and do the dang thing? So I thought for a minute and re... Mon, 31 Aug 2015 03:01:34 EST I No Longer Answer Stupid Questions... <img src=""> <BR> We all have that well meaning (or maybe not so well meaning) person that takes it upon themselves to make sure you are successful on your "diet" and may ask "should you be eating that?" <em>18</em> Nothing makes me more angry than someone food policing me, but I've gotten used to the occasional "can you have that?" comment. What I am not used to is an even more ridiculous question... "Are those... Fri, 28 Aug 2015 06:17:32 EST When Weight Gain Slaps You In The Face! You may have noticed that my recent blogs have a theme... the dreaded regain! Unfortunately that is where my journey is at right now... Sure, I could sit here recount the tales from my glory days of being down 90 pounds, but what good is that going to do? As of now, I'm only down 70 from my highest weight. Okay okay, 70 pounds down is no small feat, don't get me wrong... but it feels like it's ONLY 70 because it used to be 90. <em>246</em> <BR> <BR> Sure, I can sit here and tell you how ... Thu, 27 Aug 2015 03:13:15 EST The Root Of My Regain... I'll try to make this short and sweet, which is tough for me. <em>246</em> I was able to link my weight gain to my knee flaring up. It makes perfect sense. Just as an injury can put someone on the sidelines and make them feel sad, my arthritis flareup has done the same thing. <BR> <BR> The yoyo of 10 pounds up and down was normal for me (not saying it was a good thing, but it was normal for me and not alarming). But with the arthritis flareup hitting in April, that is when the typical 10 ... Thu, 20 Aug 2015 03:13:06 EST I Can See Why People Quit/World Elephant Day <img src=""> <BR> So for starters, I'm totally not quitting. <em>246</em> You can't get rid of me that easily! But I can totally understand it. I also think there is flat out quitting, and there is a sneaky way of quitting... that maybe even the person is not aware of. <BR> <BR> The flat out quitting is the easiest, you wake up one day and you say I have had enough of this, I'm done-sies! You throw in the towe... Sun, 9 Aug 2015 08:43:01 EST What Regain Does To You... <img src=""> <BR> So what regain does to you physically is the obvious part. <em>15</em> It can make you feel bloated, heavier, uncomfortable.... It can make your clothes fit tighter (or make you go up a size), it can mess with your health... and it is just an all around unpleasant experience. <BR> <BR> I am dealing with the physical right now... the tight pants (my work pants are not happy)... I feel truly hea... Sat, 1 Aug 2015 03:00:12 EST Sparky Deserves A New Mommy... <img src=""> <BR> I'm not even going to lie, I had a heart to heart talk with my dog Sparky today. <em>246</em> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> I'm aware this sounds totally crazy, but he really is the best listener. He doesn't judge, he doesn't try to give advice that you really don't want to hear, he just listens. But I can tell he has been... Fri, 31 Jul 2015 07:06:50 EST It's Never Too Late For A Fresh Start.. <img src=""> <BR> I used to think a fresh start in weight loss only happened after you have undone all of your hard work. Yes, each day is a new chance to get it right... but sometimes you are so far down the rabbit hole you can't seem to do anything right. I have seen people on this journey (on spark and in real life) lose a bunch of weight only to gain it all back... and it truly is heartbreaking. Some people can... Thu, 30 Jul 2015 05:59:53 EST Hitting The Panic Button... (Onederland Boarder Patrol) <img src=""> <BR> Okay, don't kick my tushy since I am on my "Sparkpeople mini time out", <em>246</em> ... but today I got up and had an idea and I just want to think out loud. If you want to chime in by all means go ahead, but I just want to get this down somewhere to have for me. I have to say that it's funny the second I step back and remove the pressure of sharing/blogging etc... things start to pop up in thi... Tue, 28 Jul 2015 20:27:35 EST Sometimes I Feel Like A Fraud... <img src=""> <BR> This blog comes to you from a girl having a very rough day, and a tummy full of Jack In The Box... <em>15</em> <BR> <BR> So let me start off by saying I have never ever lied about anything here on Spark. When you see the title that sometimes I feel like a fraud, I don't want you to think I've ever lied or misrepresented myself here on Spark... that isn't it at all. I have been nothing but 100%... Thu, 23 Jul 2015 03:34:18 EST When The Compliments Stop... Everyone has their words of wisdom when it comes to weight loss. One that I have always strongly believed in is that you have to lose weight for yourself, not someone else. Someone else might be able to motivate you in the short term or give you a reason to start, but long term success is going to come from within you! <BR> <BR> When you lose a good amount of weight, your appearance can change so much and people start to notice. Some people will be jealous (especially if they struggle with w... Mon, 20 Jul 2015 03:21:32 EST Well I Have 2 Choices... <img src=""> <BR> Are you ever smacked in the face with a piece of information, and you first instinct is to shriek in horror? No? Just me? Okay, well this is awkward now. <em>20</em> <BR> <BR> So my Gammie and I were talking about weight, as we often do... and I was talking about how my lowest ever was 181, but it was literally for 2 seconds. My lowest for real-sies weight was 184, and I am sitting at least 6... Sat, 18 Jul 2015 03:21:33 EST The Scale Is Out, Health Is In! <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I am a self admitted Scale-a-holic! For the majority of my 3+ year journey, I would say I weighed almost daily. <em>227</em> Don't lecture me, and give me all the reasons why we aren't supposed to weigh daily. I know them all, I've heard them all, I understand them all...but I happen to some super successful people who have lost a lot of weight and kept it off by daily weighing. It is one... Wed, 15 Jul 2015 03:00:11 EST You Know What Makes Me Sad? My arthritis flareup in my knee taking me away from what I truly love.... <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> It's funny because I started to forget how much I loved it. My knee has been swollen for quite a few months now, and it wasn't that painful at first but has progressively gotten worse. Sparky is no longer getting his regular walks (and we are both sad about that). I have been "blocked out" from Disneyland for the ... Fri, 10 Jul 2015 03:00:37 EST Ready To Learn About Me! <img src=""> <BR> <BR> One thing that I think most of us on Spark agree with is that "every BODY is different", and we all "have to find what works for us". We all have our own preferences, our bodies work differently, and what works well for one person may not work at all for the other. I have always believed this and I have never tried to copy someone else's journey, and have never encouraged anyone to copy min... Wed, 8 Jul 2015 23:56:22 EST I'm So Sad To Admit This, But I'm A... <img src=""> <BR> <BR> This is brand new information to me, and it's pretty devastating. <em>246</em> I guess in order for you to find out if you are addicted to something, you have to actually give it up and see what kind of changes your mind and body go through. It is no secret that people can be addicted to food/sugar just as they can be to alcohol or cigarettes. It makes sense that we end up craving these t... Sat, 4 Jul 2015 05:27:34 EST 21 Day Sugar Detox Results! <img src=""> <BR> So I had to modify this photo. It originally said "I CRUSHED the 21 DSD". But by no means did I crush anything. In my eyes I completed it simply because I never quit or gave up. I certainly did not follow all the rules, I had spread at In-N-Out, plenty of diet soda, some whole wheat tortillas etc. I won't go on and on about all the things I did wrong because the most important thing that I learned... Thu, 2 Jul 2015 03:11:54 EST I Can Dish It Out, But I Can't Always Take It! :( I can dish out advice (when asked for) and kind, supportive words to anyone at any time! Someone can tell me that overate, ate something they shouldn't, skipped a workout, gained 5 pounds etc. and I can find a positive spin on all of it. I can remind them not to give up, not to let the scale get to them. I can remind them that they are human and of course they are going to make mistakes from time to time since none of us are perfect. I can remind them not to beat themselves up and to get back... Sat, 27 Jun 2015 03:42:36 EST Sugar, BLC, Life update! <img src=""> <BR> So I had mentioned wanting to make this sugar plan more of a long term thing. Well I haven't changed my mind, but it is best for me to tackle this 21 day challenge and then work on the rest. If I get overwhelmed, I shut down, so baby steps for me is right. <BR> <BR> For full disclosure, I have had 2 diet cokes, and I have chosen to keep my whole wheat, high fiber tortillas in my diet (not dai... Tue, 23 Jun 2015 21:12:36 EST Why I'm Not At Goal Yet... This started with me updating my opening on my Spark page, but I decided to share it in a blog as well. <em>20</em> <BR> <BR> 6/17/15 - The true prize that no one tells you about is the sense of pride and happiness one can achieve after losing so much weight. We deserve to have confidence, love ourselves, and be happy at any size, but for some of us that is easier said than done. I spent so many years on the sidelines, watching everyone else live life. The weight only holds you back if y... Wed, 17 Jun 2015 22:19:28 EST What's 5 More Pounds?! 5 pounds is the theme of the day... so far on my sugar detox I have lost 5 pounds in 5 days! <BR> <img src=""> <BR> I know it's probably 4 pounds water weight and 1 pound real weight (based on my calorie intake), especially because I was eating SO poorly the 10 days leading up to starting the detox... but at the end of the day it's refreshing to see the scale move, and water or not, it's 5 pounds I'm currently not ... Tue, 16 Jun 2015 20:59:16 EST Eating Better Doesn't Have To Be Hard! <img src=""> <BR> You probably read the title and said "of course it doesn't have to be hard, everyone knows that!" <em>246</em> But for me it's not so obvious. I end up thinking it has to be way harder than it actually is. I think it requires hours of preparation, cooking fancy recipes etc. But that really isn't the case. <BR> <BR> My biggest obstacle in terms of cooking is the fact that I live alone. So I ne... Fri, 12 Jun 2015 21:33:51 EST Why Is It So Hard To Be Kind To Your Body? <img src=""> <BR> Sometimes I really have to stop and ask myself "what are you doing?" Basically, I got back on track with partial motivation from a weight loss challenge at work. There are 3 rounds, and for the first 3 weeks I kicked butt, took names and lost 10 pounds through hard work and laser focus. Then we got weighed, I came in 2nd out of 7 people and was very pleased with that. But then there was a shift. S... Wed, 10 Jun 2015 08:33:01 EST