STEPH-KNEE's SparkPeople Blog STEPH-KNEE's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Ghosts of BLC's Past... <img src=""> <BR> I am going to be a Minion for BLC 31 which is starting on June 1st... so I went back to see the various rounds I participated in over the years. I have had a love/hate relationship with BLC in the past, and it wasn't the competition, it was me. <em>246</em> Some teams were a great fit, and others... well... not so much. So I gathered up some of the data from the rounds I completed. Some of the ... Fri, 27 May 2016 04:27:00 EST Trip To Catalina! (Video Blog) <link> </link> <BR> ^I was delighted to see that while the words on the shirt were backwards when I was filming, it ended up getting flipped the right way. Technology is amazing LOL. ;) <BR> <BR> Just me rambling in front of the camera about our trip and the souvenirs I got! I still feel awkward and uncomfortable, but I thought if I could get a few of these short silly ones out of the way maybe one day I would feel comfortable enough to do a video blog for realsies. I ... Mon, 23 May 2016 19:30:46 EST Old Tools + BLC! (Video blog) I attempted to upload this directly on Spark, but the youtube route seems easier, faster and I can just provide the link here (hoping it works LOL). Spark, me & links don't seem to mix. But with all the fancy updates maybe the links will work now. ;) <BR> <link> </link> <BR> <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> ^For those who don't want to see the video, the main thing was bringing back the marble j... Sat, 21 May 2016 22:31:23 EST When People Tell You "You Can't!" Nothing bugs me more than when people tell me I can't do something. I do some of my best work when people doubt me. <em>246</em> At the end of 2014 I did a 21 Day Sugar Detox, and I passed with flying colors... this was because a Sparker essentially said I would never be able to do it. So bound and determined to prove them wrong, I rocked that detox like a champion of the world. But the thing that has stuck out the most was how amazing I felt on that plan. I felt on top of the world! I did... Fri, 20 May 2016 03:04:48 EST Thinking About What Could Have Been... I don't know why I torture myself, but I do. <em>246</em> I sit here and play that whole what if game and it can be downright depressing. What if I never got off track? What if my knee didn't have a horrible arthritis flare up and I wouldn't have injured my foot? What if this whopping 43 pound gain never happened? What might life be like? How might I feel? How would things be different? <BR> <BR> All of those things go hand in hand. My knee flaring up and foot injury took away the one exe... Sun, 15 May 2016 03:00:18 EST For Real-sies This Time This is not a real blog, but just a post taken from my Facebook page. I had a very sweet Spark Mail from a Sparker, and I realized I have gotten so caught up in posting on instagram and Facebook that I have neglected Spark, so from time to time I might share one of those posts here. The update from this is day 2 is going alright, I am working on it LOL. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Let's be real... I have so ... Sun, 15 May 2016 02:04:38 EST A Weekend I'll Never Forget! <BR> ^The clickable link didn't work but copying and pasting this one seems to work! <BR> <BR> Those are two of my favorite videos of the night! They aren't as clear uploaded as they are on my computer but what can you do?! PS. If you are bothered by drinking/alcohol don't watch those videos! <em>211</em> <BR> <BR> Initially I was headed to Fresno alone to see Luke Bryan & go to the Fresno Zoo. Normally my mom would enjoy going and doing those things (and sh... Tue, 3 May 2016 19:50:34 EST Days 3-7 After this post I will just do them weekly. I should really stop calling it 2 shakes + 1 meal because that very rarely happened. I think instead I'll call it 30 days of accountability! 30 days of being accountable to myself and not trying to hide anything. It has also got me into the habit of tracking even when I know my calories are waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay over. <BR> <BR> I'm also celebrating 200 days meatless (as of Sunday), super excited about that! <em>334</em> <em>104</em> <BR> <BR... Mon, 25 Apr 2016 04:10:28 EST I Didn't Disappear! Just a note to say that while my days haven't been going as well as I hoped, I have still kept up with my daily posts. I got tired of transferring them to a blog daily, and more importantly I don't like clogging up your feed with just a little mini post. I decided I will post the entire weeks worth of posts here in one shot. Since I already did the first couple of posts I will put the rest of the week in one final post, then do weekly posts from there. <BR> <BR> I will say that Friday was a ... Sat, 23 Apr 2016 22:06:35 EST 0 Shakes + 2 Meals: Day 2 (Oops) Again, just sharing my Facebook posts. I will admit HERE that I knew I wouldn't be perfect but I didn't expect to "mess up" so quickly. I still consider a day within calorie range a success, and I am glad I am posting regardless of if I'm doing as well as I had originally hoped or not LOL. ;) <BR> <BR> I am not upset with my food choices, I lost 90 pounds initially eating whatever, counting calories and portioning. Everything was portioned, accounted for and in calorie range... but the goal ... Wed, 20 Apr 2016 06:09:18 EST 2 Shakes + 1 Meal: Day 1 These do not qualify as blogs, but I am going to post the photo and the update I post on my Starchy Stephy Facebook page and I might add a little more to it as well. The thing I will add to this one is when I got on the scale I just about fainted! 229 was the wake up call I needed to turn this around. I plan to take a picture of the scale each day for 30 days and make a little animation/flip book of it. Let's hope the weight starts coming off. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Today is Day 1 of 2 Shakes... Tue, 19 Apr 2016 04:13:27 EST 2 Shakes + 1 Meal (Not A Blog) I know you are thinking how is this not a blog? This is a blog entry! Well this is just a copy of the Facebook post I posted on my Starchy Stephy ( page! <BR> <em>230</em> Any negative or judgy comments will be deleted, I'm too old for these shenanigans! <em>20</em> <BR> <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> There were 2 reasons I had stopped doing the daily accountability posts ... Mon, 18 Apr 2016 05:37:50 EST Timing Is Everything & Baby Steps 2.0 Timing really IS everything, and if the timing is wrong you can sure set yourself up for failure, which is exactly what I did. I have been off track for the majority of a year. I have had good days, even good weeks, but the bad definitely out numbers the good. So for me picking Dispatcher's Week to really give it a solid effort was one of the dumbest things I could have done. <BR> <BR> During the other 51 weeks in the year, there's plenty of stupid goodies hanging around my work place. An on... Sat, 16 Apr 2016 22:12:23 EST So What's Worse? I have been thinking a lot lately, and I have been thinking a lot of people (myself included) who say they are going to do something (make a big change, turn things around, etc) and don't follow through. I am one of those people for sure, guilty as charged! <BR> <BR> It's not just on Spark but in "real life" also. I have mentioned things on Spark so very many times and had to come back with my tail in between my legs admitting that I quit very early into whatever the "new thing was" and that... Sun, 10 Apr 2016 03:25:51 EST Parasailing! This is just a quickie to say what an amazing time I had parasailing! This is something I would have never done at my highest weight so I am glad I have found the confidence in myself to go out and try new things! My friend got to hold a camera on a stick and film our adventure! She was able to get a few screen caps of the video which was awesome. It was so amazing and I'm so glad I did it. I'm truly happy learning how to enjoy life and get out there and do fun things! <BR> <BR> Afterwards w... Mon, 4 Apr 2016 20:24:47 EST Hitting Those Milestones... AGAIN! I have said at least 20 different times, in different blogs, to different people I had NO desire to celebrate the weight loss milestones again. The way I was looking at it was kind of a been there done that kind of thing. I have already celebrated 60, 70, Onederland, 80, 90 pounds lost! I have been there, I have done that and it was amazing. I guess I didn't feel like I deserved to celebrate those accomplishments again, and I was pretty much embarrassed at the thought of doing it again. I mea... Thu, 31 Mar 2016 03:22:21 EST Getting Real & Skipped Anniversary? Thanks to everyone who took the time and read and respond to my blog yesterday. Despite my ramblings, I think people actually got what I was attempting to say, even if I didn't explain myself in the best way. I was also expecting some shady comments which didn't happen, so <em>244</em> <BR> <BR> One thing I said yesterday was from me, directed to me, and it was this paragraph: <BR> <BR> I believe that no one can reverse their regain until they get real with themselves. We must first be ... Tue, 29 Mar 2016 03:02:38 EST STEPH-KNEE Uncensored: VOL 5 - A Fall From Grace <img src=""> <BR> I have written a few of these in the past, that is why this is Volume 5. While I always say what I feel or think in my blogs, these are even more uncensored. Where I just want to say what I want to say, I don't want to apologize ahead of time of anyone doesn't like what I'm saying, and I just want to blurt it out. So I guess that is the non-disclaimer disclaimer if you will. <em>211</em> <BR> ... Sun, 27 Mar 2016 22:08:30 EST Changing My Goal Weight! <img src=""> <BR> First off, I love my new fancy scale! Do I fully believe the body fat% is accurate? Not at all, but it is consistent, so even if it's off, it's consistently off! <em>211</em> But the weight part I know is accurate. <BR> <BR> So I have told a few people I changed my goal weight to 220. They look puzzled and ask "why?" I say because I've maintained it effortlessly within a 3 pound range for 4 mo... Sat, 26 Mar 2016 03:43:29 EST The Countdown Is On! <img src=""> <BR> As I said in a previous blog, 2016 was going to be the year of living and not letting things hold me back! In April I am going parasailing for the first time and I'm also traveling 3 hours away to go see Luke Bryan & go to the Fresno Zoo! <BR> <BR> Already this year I went to a movie screening where The Rock & Kevin Hart happened to show up and surprise us! I went to two tapings of The Big Bang T... Thu, 17 Mar 2016 03:04:20 EST When Weight Gain Slaps You In The Chins... I Mean Face! ;) I have made several posts about my regain. So you would think by now this regain would have really sunken into my pee brain, right? Apparently that's wrong. I really thought I fully understood this hefty regain... I sure felt the strain of the extra pounds, and the sadness that came from the disappointment of a 37 pound regain. So I thought I had really accepted it and was ready to move forward. If that were the case, I would have not been so shocked seeing my new Disneyland photos. <BR> <BR... Thu, 10 Mar 2016 03:08:02 EST Prove Yourself Wrong! <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I have always been the kind of person who didn't like when people would doubt me. I was always on a mission to prove someone wrong. One of the prime examples was last year when I posted about following a 21 Day Sugar Detox, a Sparker was quick to point out that they didn't think "anyone could stick to that" including that Sparker themselves. I felt my blood boil and I set out to prove that p... Wed, 24 Feb 2016 05:32:07 EST Dejavu & An Update Yesterday my friend and I went on a belated Birthday outing! We ate, we shopped and we saw the movie How To Be Single. When we went shopping we went to Torrid, which I have always affectionately referred to as the fat girl store. You see for years, I was ONLY able to shop at Torrid. Even the XXL clothes at Target didn't fit. More recently plus sized clothes are becoming more available in stores like Target, Kohls, Walmart etc... but back then I pretty much had to spend a lot of money on prett... Mon, 22 Feb 2016 21:18:19 EST Reverse Before & After This is what I'd like to call a reverse before & after pic. The one on the left is from last year, when I was at a much better weight (I was down over 80 pounds and that point and was feeling like a million bucks). The photo on the right is from my birthday this past Wednesday. Hopefully Disney forgives me for borrowing that pic, but I don't have any other side views as it's not a typical photo pose. <em>211</em> That is the difference GAINING 31 pounds makes. It is extremely noticeable i... Sat, 6 Feb 2016 06:15:38 EST Pre-Birthday Epiphany! <img src=""> <BR> 2016 is going to be the year of living! Every year I would always think to myself if the year went as awesome as I hoped, it would be the year of losing weight! When I was doing really well in 2013 and 2014 (at the very least maintaining an 80+ pound lost), I always dreamt of just hitting the final weight loss goal. Nowhere in my mind did I think that I should ENJOY life and do things that I enjoy... Sun, 31 Jan 2016 03:04:40 EST A Cleansing Experience & Moving Forward... <img src=""> <BR> No, not a physical cleanse, more of a Spark cleanse. I have never been someone who wanted to wipe out my Spark page and start over or make a brand new one. All of the ups and downs on this journey and all of the things documented on this page are part of that journey. The good, the bad, and the ugly are all here for me to look back on and I would never wish to get rid of all of that. With that sai... Mon, 25 Jan 2016 03:00:53 EST Returning To The Scene of A Crime (Big Bang Theory) <img src=""> <BR> I have written about this a few times, so here's the short version. 4 years ago I got to attend a taping of Big Bang Theory! It was one of the best experiences of my life. The problem was the walking. It may have been a one mile walk, in a single file line, and a fast walk. Not only was I holding up the line with a gap because I couldn't keep up I huffed and puffed the whole way. The walk back to ... Thu, 21 Jan 2016 03:03:42 EST The Definition of Exercise When you hear the word exercise, what do you immediately think of? Maybe you instantly see the gym... maybe it's not a place but a specific activity: running, lifting weights, swimming, etc. I have never been a fan of traditional exercise and the gym has never been a place I have wanted to go to (it seems scary to me LOL). I have always been fond of exercise that isn't part of that cookie cutter idea. The things that I liked to do included walking, which many people recognize as a normal form... Mon, 18 Jan 2016 03:42:28 EST I Got To Smell What The Rock Was Cookin'! ;) I had to sign something that said I would not talk about any details of the movie... and I mean who the heck wants to hear spoilers anyways? I sure wouldn't. But I was able to attend an advanced screening of Central Intelligence which comes out this June. It is with Dwayne Johnson (The Rock) and Kevin Hart. I am a fan of both, but I've been a fan of The Rock since back in the day. <BR> <BR> Him and I go way back. *GIGGLES* When I was about 15, I won tickets to the Teen Choice Awards and was... Sun, 10 Jan 2016 04:53:22 EST No Rewards... <img src=""> <BR> Reward (noun) - 1. a thing given in recognition of one's service, effort, or achievement. <BR> <BR> The other day I decided I was having major Luke Bryan withdrawals. I think the clinical term is L-B-Itis, but I can't be sure. <em>20</em> He announced tour dates but wasn't coming to Los Angeles. Living in Los Angeles we are spoiled, the performers ALWAYS come here, and sometimes in multiple pl... Fri, 8 Jan 2016 21:58:29 EST Where Does The Time Go?! January 17, 2012 I was lucky enough to attend a taping of The Big Bang Theory! It was one of the most amazing experiences I've ever had. What was less than amazing was the physical aspect... physically it was torture. The walk to the studio, which couldn't have been over 1 mile felt like 10! Walking in a line of people and knowing you are holding up the line because you aren't keeping up... while huffing and puffing. Only to sit in a chair butt cheek to butt cheek with a stranger because you ... Tue, 5 Jan 2016 03:04:38 EST Kermit Knows! <img src=""> <BR> Boy, Kermit knows me pretty well! This is so true! I had been steadily gaining weight since April. I have rheumatoid arthritis and my knee really hurt in April and has been swollen/irritated ever since. That pain caused me to stop walking, then I felt sorry for myself and ended up eating more and more. The weight came on at a steady rate but I didn't stop it before it got too far away from me. Abo... Mon, 28 Dec 2015 21:52:23 EST Self Worth & Vegan Eating At Disneyland! <img src=""> <BR> The madness started the night before. The jeans that I under grew are now tight. This is no surprise with all my regain, but finding clothes that fit is a pain in the you know where! I refuse to buy new bigger clothes, it's just not happening. All my new Disney Christmas/Holiday shirts are too tight. I tried on all sorts of stuff, not happy with anything. Maybe it'll be better in the morning (yeah... Fri, 18 Dec 2015 01:51:55 EST They Can't All Be Good Days... Well today wasn't a good day food wise, but we will get to that in a minute. I shared a while back that there was a very nasty coworker that feels the need to comment on my food. "Are those cheetos?" "oh come on, you don't want Taco Bell?!" I swear, I can't win. If I eat well I get criticized for not eating junk, if I eat junk I am criticized for that, even though she personally offers me junk (which I politely decline). Before I go any further I'm throwing out this disclaimer: <BR> <BR> <... Tue, 15 Dec 2015 06:23:28 EST Why I'm Done With The Scale! <img src=""> <BR> We all know the scale isn't the only measure of progress, and in many cases it isn't even the best measure. There are so many things that can show us progress like our measurements, progress photos, the way our clothes fit, how we feel, the list goes on and on. <BR> <BR> The only time I stay off the scale is typically when I'm doing poorly and gaining. I know that's the time I probably need it mo... Fri, 11 Dec 2015 20:51:52 EST Will This Time Be Different? The New Before! I am sitting here thinking about how this time is different than the last time. In 2012, when I set out on this journey I was only about 10 pounds down from my heaviest, I was miserable with my weight and my life. I truly let the weight affect my self esteem and how I felt about myself... and I was just so very unhappy. This picture is the proof. My half smile, knowing I am having my pic taken and that's the only face I can muster up? Not only that, but I am in my happy place (Disneyland). In... Sat, 5 Dec 2015 22:38:26 EST Well... CRAP! <img src=""> <BR> So the word I really wanted to use started with an S, and if you saw the most recent episode of Walking Dead, then you would really understand the sentiment around the "Well $h*t" mentality. For spoiler alert reasons I will leave it at that. <em>211</em> <BR> <BR> Anyhoosies, had a good time in Vegas. Lost a bunch of money gambling, gained a bunch of weight eating... isn't that what Vegas is ... Thu, 3 Dec 2015 04:00:09 EST Dirty Looks & Disneyland! Okay, I truly don't understand the dirty looks I've been receiving lately. When I was 270 pounds, I totally got those stares, the jokes, the comments about how big I was. They were hurtful and not fun to see or hear, but it was the reality when I would often be the biggest person in the room. There are kind people and there are cruel/negative people and that is just how the world is. <BR> <BR> As I lost weight (as low as 181 before I started screwing up LOL), I was still not small, but I no ... Thu, 19 Nov 2015 07:36:20 EST Having Fun & Gearing Up For Big Changes... <img src=""> <BR> This is what I posted on my Facebook page today: <BR> Confession Time: I have been eating cheese like it's going out of style, lol! I think it's knowing that I plan to give it up that makes me want it more. Honestly, the only thing about not eating any animal products that worries me is the cheese. Going meatless was easy for me, but I did it the wrong way. I ended up using cheese as a substitute ... Tue, 17 Nov 2015 03:11:08 EST I Heart Feedback & I Heart Spark! I am so honored that so many people took the time to respond to my questions yesterday. I was really looking for honest feedback and I was surprised that I got so many responses. Based on the awesome feedback I have received, this is how I've decided to move forward: <BR> <BR> <em>252</em> I will continue to blog right here on Spark. No extra links to click to see those blogs, just good old fashioned Spark blogging! If I decide to do a separate blog for myself, I will just copy and paste ... Fri, 13 Nov 2015 03:08:15 EST So Here's What I'm Thinking... <img src=""> <BR> First and foremost, I have no intentions of leaving Spark. My journey started here (my failed attempt from 2009 and my most current attempt that has hit a rough patch in 2012) and I always planned to finish the weight loss portion and continue maintenance right here on Spark. That certainly hasn't changed. But part of me has wanted to create a weight loss page on Facebook as well. The only thing i... Thu, 12 Nov 2015 07:19:45 EST More People Want To See You Fail... So my meatless diet is front page news at work... but it is just the flavor of the week. I won't even go on to list the comments I've received in the past few days because they are truly irrelevant. The good news is, tonight is my last shift until my annual vacation and I will be off for 25 days! By the time I get back my meatless-ness is surely going to have been forgotten. Okay so the two truly crazy people will probably ask again at some point (they are just that kind of people), but it'll... Tue, 10 Nov 2015 20:59:16 EST Celebrating 31 Days Meatless! <img src=""> <BR> *My current Facebook status update: <BR> <BR> Coworker: Are you still not eating meat? <BR> Me: Yep <BR> Coworker *TONE*: How long do you think that'll last? <BR> Me: It's been a month, so... yeah... <BR> Coworker: So there's no meat in your burrito???? <BR> Me: It's bean & cheese! <BR> People slay me. 31 days meatless, no turning back. I'm sturdy. I'm also not stupid enough to lie about somethin... Sun, 8 Nov 2015 03:05:42 EST How I Have Changed In 2 Years! Unfortunately this isn't some awesome blog about how much weight I've lost in 2 years or how I've changed physically. That would be a fun blog to write, but somehow this is fun in a different sense. It might seem a little confusing at first, but have faith in me. <em>246</em> <BR> <BR> This is a collage I made of the last 3 years of going to Halloween Horror Nights. Same pillar every time too, kinda cool! <BR> <BR> <img src=" Tue, 3 Nov 2015 03:38:02 EST Don't Open Til May 1st! <img src=""> <BR> This blog is just for me... I have never truly set goals like this. I am not a timeline person... and I often feel like if I don't hit the goal then somehow I have failed. Although clearly the lack of goal setting has really not been helpful these past few months. So I am going to set some goals, and some rules that I want to learn to incorporate in my daily life. I want to be able to look back on... Sat, 31 Oct 2015 03:33:55 EST So Much Support But Not Supporting Yourself! <img src=""> <BR> It was quite ironic today when I realized that despite all the support surrounding me, I was not supporting myself. I used to support myself, I used to kick butt and take names when it came to weight loss, but that seems like soooooooo long ago. It feels like a life time ago, but the truth is I was doing fine up until April of this year. That person is still in me, I have just put her on the sidel... Fri, 30 Oct 2015 08:12:58 EST I Can Picture It... :( <img src=""> <BR> I can picture sitting here in 6 months, writing a blog to admit to everyone (and myself) that I have gained back all my weight. The way things have been going, this 25 pound regain, the out of control eating, the lazy habits, just the way things are going, I can completely picture me sitting here at that high weight, crying, and writing that blog. <BR> <BR> What is crazy is once upon a time, ther... Wed, 28 Oct 2015 20:38:10 EST STEPH-KNEE UNCENSORED: VOLUME 4 <img src=""> <BR> <em>228</em> Disclaimer: Occasionally I do these blogs where I am uncensored and unfiltered. Anyone who knows me knows that I am pretty transparent in all of my blogs, but these type in particular are the equivalent of letting you read my journal entry. They aren't really motivating or uplifting, they are just me, alone with my thoughts essentially. So if you feel they are harsh or unmotivating... Tue, 27 Oct 2015 03:03:32 EST I'll Take Motivation Wherever I Can Find It! <img src=""> <BR> I have been a downward spiral, and it hasn't been fun... okay, if I'm being honest, eating crap and not worrying about what I was eating was a little bit fun. <em>246</em> But let's break it down... eating junk tastes good at the time, and is something that I don't worry about... until later! Later on I feel bad about what I ate, I feel bad physically because my body doesn't appreciate the junk... Thu, 22 Oct 2015 03:01:41 EST Luke Bryan & Doing What Makes YOU Happy! <em>228</em> If you don't give a tiny rats behind about Luke Bryan, skip down lower! LOL! PS. My video was super clear, but uploading it to the internet takes away it's sparkle! <BR> <BR> Last year I ventured out to go to a Luke Bryan concert by myself. It was my first time doing anything big like that alone. I had a blast, enjoyed myself and realized I could conquer the world. Okay maybe that's a little dramatic but it allowed me to venture out alone to go to Disneyland as well! Last year... Mon, 19 Oct 2015 07:51:32 EST