STEPH-KNEE's SparkPeople Blog STEPH-KNEE's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Reverse Before & After This is what I'd like to call a reverse before & after pic. The one on the left is from last year, when I was at a much better weight (I was down over 80 pounds and that point and was feeling like a million bucks). The photo on the right is from my birthday this past Wednesday. Hopefully Disney forgives me for borrowing that pic, but I don't have any other side views as it's not a typical photo pose. <em>211</em> That is the difference GAINING 31 pounds makes. It is extremely noticeable i... Sat, 6 Feb 2016 06:15:38 EST Pre-Birthday Epiphany! <img src=""> <BR> 2016 is going to be the year of living! Every year I would always think to myself if the year went as awesome as I hoped, it would be the year of losing weight! When I was doing really well in 2013 and 2014 (at the very least maintaining an 80+ pound lost), I always dreamt of just hitting the final weight loss goal. Nowhere in my mind did I think that I should ENJOY life and do things that I enjoy... Sun, 31 Jan 2016 03:04:40 EST A Cleansing Experience & Moving Forward... <img src=""> <BR> No, not a physical cleanse, more of a Spark cleanse. I have never been someone who wanted to wipe out my Spark page and start over or make a brand new one. All of the ups and downs on this journey and all of the things documented on this page are part of that journey. The good, the bad, and the ugly are all here for me to look back on and I would never wish to get rid of all of that. With that sai... Mon, 25 Jan 2016 03:00:53 EST Returning To The Scene of A Crime (Big Bang Theory) <img src=""> <BR> I have written about this a few times, so here's the short version. 4 years ago I got to attend a taping of Big Bang Theory! It was one of the best experiences of my life. The problem was the walking. It may have been a one mile walk, in a single file line, and a fast walk. Not only was I holding up the line with a gap because I couldn't keep up I huffed and puffed the whole way. The walk back to ... Thu, 21 Jan 2016 03:03:42 EST The Definition of Exercise When you hear the word exercise, what do you immediately think of? Maybe you instantly see the gym... maybe it's not a place but a specific activity: running, lifting weights, swimming, etc. I have never been a fan of traditional exercise and the gym has never been a place I have wanted to go to (it seems scary to me LOL). I have always been fond of exercise that isn't part of that cookie cutter idea. The things that I liked to do included walking, which many people recognize as a normal form... Mon, 18 Jan 2016 03:42:28 EST I Got To Smell What The Rock Was Cookin'! ;) I had to sign something that said I would not talk about any details of the movie... and I mean who the heck wants to hear spoilers anyways? I sure wouldn't. But I was able to attend an advanced screening of Central Intelligence which comes out this June. It is with Dwayne Johnson (The Rock) and Kevin Hart. I am a fan of both, but I've been a fan of The Rock since back in the day. <BR> <BR> Him and I go way back. *GIGGLES* When I was about 15, I won tickets to the Teen Choice Awards and was... Sun, 10 Jan 2016 04:53:22 EST No Rewards... <img src=""> <BR> Reward (noun) - 1. a thing given in recognition of one's service, effort, or achievement. <BR> <BR> The other day I decided I was having major Luke Bryan withdrawals. I think the clinical term is L-B-Itis, but I can't be sure. <em>20</em> He announced tour dates but wasn't coming to Los Angeles. Living in Los Angeles we are spoiled, the performers ALWAYS come here, and sometimes in multiple pl... Fri, 8 Jan 2016 21:58:29 EST Where Does The Time Go?! January 17, 2012 I was lucky enough to attend a taping of The Big Bang Theory! It was one of the most amazing experiences I've ever had. What was less than amazing was the physical aspect... physically it was torture. The walk to the studio, which couldn't have been over 1 mile felt like 10! Walking in a line of people and knowing you are holding up the line because you aren't keeping up... while huffing and puffing. Only to sit in a chair butt cheek to butt cheek with a stranger because you ... Tue, 5 Jan 2016 03:04:38 EST Kermit Knows! <img src=""> <BR> Boy, Kermit knows me pretty well! This is so true! I had been steadily gaining weight since April. I have rheumatoid arthritis and my knee really hurt in April and has been swollen/irritated ever since. That pain caused me to stop walking, then I felt sorry for myself and ended up eating more and more. The weight came on at a steady rate but I didn't stop it before it got too far away from me. Abo... Mon, 28 Dec 2015 21:52:23 EST Self Worth & Vegan Eating At Disneyland! <img src=""> <BR> The madness started the night before. The jeans that I under grew are now tight. This is no surprise with all my regain, but finding clothes that fit is a pain in the you know where! I refuse to buy new bigger clothes, it's just not happening. All my new Disney Christmas/Holiday shirts are too tight. I tried on all sorts of stuff, not happy with anything. Maybe it'll be better in the morning (yeah... Fri, 18 Dec 2015 01:51:55 EST They Can't All Be Good Days... Well today wasn't a good day food wise, but we will get to that in a minute. I shared a while back that there was a very nasty coworker that feels the need to comment on my food. "Are those cheetos?" "oh come on, you don't want Taco Bell?!" I swear, I can't win. If I eat well I get criticized for not eating junk, if I eat junk I am criticized for that, even though she personally offers me junk (which I politely decline). Before I go any further I'm throwing out this disclaimer: <BR> <BR> <... Tue, 15 Dec 2015 06:23:28 EST Why I'm Done With The Scale! <img src=""> <BR> We all know the scale isn't the only measure of progress, and in many cases it isn't even the best measure. There are so many things that can show us progress like our measurements, progress photos, the way our clothes fit, how we feel, the list goes on and on. <BR> <BR> The only time I stay off the scale is typically when I'm doing poorly and gaining. I know that's the time I probably need it mo... Fri, 11 Dec 2015 20:51:52 EST Will This Time Be Different? The New Before! I am sitting here thinking about how this time is different than the last time. In 2012, when I set out on this journey I was only about 10 pounds down from my heaviest, I was miserable with my weight and my life. I truly let the weight affect my self esteem and how I felt about myself... and I was just so very unhappy. This picture is the proof. My half smile, knowing I am having my pic taken and that's the only face I can muster up? Not only that, but I am in my happy place (Disneyland). In... Sat, 5 Dec 2015 22:38:26 EST Well... CRAP! <img src=""> <BR> So the word I really wanted to use started with an S, and if you saw the most recent episode of Walking Dead, then you would really understand the sentiment around the "Well $h*t" mentality. For spoiler alert reasons I will leave it at that. <em>211</em> <BR> <BR> Anyhoosies, had a good time in Vegas. Lost a bunch of money gambling, gained a bunch of weight eating... isn't that what Vegas is ... Thu, 3 Dec 2015 04:00:09 EST Dirty Looks & Disneyland! Okay, I truly don't understand the dirty looks I've been receiving lately. When I was 270 pounds, I totally got those stares, the jokes, the comments about how big I was. They were hurtful and not fun to see or hear, but it was the reality when I would often be the biggest person in the room. There are kind people and there are cruel/negative people and that is just how the world is. <BR> <BR> As I lost weight (as low as 181 before I started screwing up LOL), I was still not small, but I no ... Thu, 19 Nov 2015 07:36:20 EST Having Fun & Gearing Up For Big Changes... <img src=""> <BR> This is what I posted on my Facebook page today: <BR> Confession Time: I have been eating cheese like it's going out of style, lol! I think it's knowing that I plan to give it up that makes me want it more. Honestly, the only thing about not eating any animal products that worries me is the cheese. Going meatless was easy for me, but I did it the wrong way. I ended up using cheese as a substitute ... Tue, 17 Nov 2015 03:11:08 EST I Heart Feedback & I Heart Spark! I am so honored that so many people took the time to respond to my questions yesterday. I was really looking for honest feedback and I was surprised that I got so many responses. Based on the awesome feedback I have received, this is how I've decided to move forward: <BR> <BR> <em>252</em> I will continue to blog right here on Spark. No extra links to click to see those blogs, just good old fashioned Spark blogging! If I decide to do a separate blog for myself, I will just copy and paste ... Fri, 13 Nov 2015 03:08:15 EST So Here's What I'm Thinking... <img src=""> <BR> First and foremost, I have no intentions of leaving Spark. My journey started here (my failed attempt from 2009 and my most current attempt that has hit a rough patch in 2012) and I always planned to finish the weight loss portion and continue maintenance right here on Spark. That certainly hasn't changed. But part of me has wanted to create a weight loss page on Facebook as well. The only thing i... Thu, 12 Nov 2015 07:19:45 EST More People Want To See You Fail... So my meatless diet is front page news at work... but it is just the flavor of the week. I won't even go on to list the comments I've received in the past few days because they are truly irrelevant. The good news is, tonight is my last shift until my annual vacation and I will be off for 25 days! By the time I get back my meatless-ness is surely going to have been forgotten. Okay so the two truly crazy people will probably ask again at some point (they are just that kind of people), but it'll... Tue, 10 Nov 2015 20:59:16 EST Celebrating 31 Days Meatless! <img src=""> <BR> *My current Facebook status update: <BR> <BR> Coworker: Are you still not eating meat? <BR> Me: Yep <BR> Coworker *TONE*: How long do you think that'll last? <BR> Me: It's been a month, so... yeah... <BR> Coworker: So there's no meat in your burrito???? <BR> Me: It's bean & cheese! <BR> People slay me. 31 days meatless, no turning back. I'm sturdy. I'm also not stupid enough to lie about somethin... Sun, 8 Nov 2015 03:05:42 EST How I Have Changed In 2 Years! Unfortunately this isn't some awesome blog about how much weight I've lost in 2 years or how I've changed physically. That would be a fun blog to write, but somehow this is fun in a different sense. It might seem a little confusing at first, but have faith in me. <em>246</em> <BR> <BR> This is a collage I made of the last 3 years of going to Halloween Horror Nights. Same pillar every time too, kinda cool! <BR> <BR> <img src=" Tue, 3 Nov 2015 03:38:02 EST Don't Open Til May 1st! <img src=""> <BR> This blog is just for me... I have never truly set goals like this. I am not a timeline person... and I often feel like if I don't hit the goal then somehow I have failed. Although clearly the lack of goal setting has really not been helpful these past few months. So I am going to set some goals, and some rules that I want to learn to incorporate in my daily life. I want to be able to look back on... Sat, 31 Oct 2015 03:33:55 EST So Much Support But Not Supporting Yourself! <img src=""> <BR> It was quite ironic today when I realized that despite all the support surrounding me, I was not supporting myself. I used to support myself, I used to kick butt and take names when it came to weight loss, but that seems like soooooooo long ago. It feels like a life time ago, but the truth is I was doing fine up until April of this year. That person is still in me, I have just put her on the sidel... Fri, 30 Oct 2015 08:12:58 EST I Can Picture It... :( <img src=""> <BR> I can picture sitting here in 6 months, writing a blog to admit to everyone (and myself) that I have gained back all my weight. The way things have been going, this 25 pound regain, the out of control eating, the lazy habits, just the way things are going, I can completely picture me sitting here at that high weight, crying, and writing that blog. <BR> <BR> What is crazy is once upon a time, ther... Wed, 28 Oct 2015 20:38:10 EST STEPH-KNEE UNCENSORED: VOLUME 4 <img src=""> <BR> <em>228</em> Disclaimer: Occasionally I do these blogs where I am uncensored and unfiltered. Anyone who knows me knows that I am pretty transparent in all of my blogs, but these type in particular are the equivalent of letting you read my journal entry. They aren't really motivating or uplifting, they are just me, alone with my thoughts essentially. So if you feel they are harsh or unmotivating... Tue, 27 Oct 2015 03:03:32 EST I'll Take Motivation Wherever I Can Find It! <img src=""> <BR> I have been a downward spiral, and it hasn't been fun... okay, if I'm being honest, eating crap and not worrying about what I was eating was a little bit fun. <em>246</em> But let's break it down... eating junk tastes good at the time, and is something that I don't worry about... until later! Later on I feel bad about what I ate, I feel bad physically because my body doesn't appreciate the junk... Thu, 22 Oct 2015 03:01:41 EST Luke Bryan & Doing What Makes YOU Happy! <em>228</em> If you don't give a tiny rats behind about Luke Bryan, skip down lower! LOL! PS. My video was super clear, but uploading it to the internet takes away it's sparkle! <BR> <BR> Last year I ventured out to go to a Luke Bryan concert by myself. It was my first time doing anything big like that alone. I had a blast, enjoyed myself and realized I could conquer the world. Okay maybe that's a little dramatic but it allowed me to venture out alone to go to Disneyland as well! Last year... Mon, 19 Oct 2015 07:51:32 EST Fat, Unhappy & Blessed! I am not back to my regularly scheduled programming just yet. I'm still learning, researching and trying to understand my regain. But while I'm working on that I thought I would share how I'm feeling right now. Fat, unhappy and blessed! I'm going to do my best to make the fat and unhappy portions half as long as the blessed portion. Wish me luck! <BR> <BR> I feel FAT! Yes, I can call myself that. I have a great relationship with myself and I don't take offense to it. I don't wake up hating... Thu, 15 Oct 2015 05:40:36 EST New Before Photo! <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I am considering this my new before photo! This photo is important to me on so many levels... despite the fact I'm 205ish pounds, not happy with my stomach or my 20 pound regain, I didn't allow that to hold me back. I walked 7 miles, I ran, yes ran from zombies! I was careful not to overdo it to the point of hurting my knee, and did wear a knee brace, but it did show me I could be like "ever... Sun, 4 Oct 2015 07:06:29 EST Ending The Pity Party! Starting October off right! <img src=""> <BR> First off, thank you so much for all the goodies and support! I didn't know that a post of a sad cat would get so many responses. <em>246</em> <em>239</em> You are all so sweet and I was truly grateful to see that I really do have the best Spark friends. <em>247</em> It's hard to continue to feel sad when you have so many kind words given to you from amazing people. <BR> <BR> I will say ... Thu, 1 Oct 2015 03:07:00 EST A New Vision... Board! :) When I started my weight loss journey, there were so many motivational tools that were suggested to me through Spark & fellow sparkers. I did the marble jars, I attempted a vision collage, and tried a few other things. The thing was, I did them because I was told it was a good idea. I wasn't really sure WHY I was doing them, other than to be "one of the crowd." <em>246</em> <BR> <BR> In fact, I never finished the motivational collage. Cutting out pictures of ideal bodies that I could nev... Sat, 26 Sep 2015 03:14:25 EST Why Putting Yourself Out There Can Be Tough... <img src=""> <BR> I got a lot of feedback on one of my recent blogs, and I'm so glad it spoke to so many of you. Not only does it show you that you aren't alone, it reminds me that I'm not alone either. <em>220</em> I am always humbled, excited and quite shocked by all the support I continue to receive on Spark. <em>129</em> I never take any of it for granted, and I do read every comment I receive. But with c... Wed, 23 Sep 2015 03:23:54 EST Steph's Super Dooper Sugar Plan! <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <em>228</em> Disclaimer: I am in no way promoting this plan, asking others to join me, or anything of the sort. I am just posting some accountability for myself. <em>304</em> <BR> <BR> If you have been my Spark friend for quite some time, you're awesome. <em>246</em> But in addition to being awesome I am sure you have heard me talk about the 21 Day Sugar Detox. I successfully comp... Mon, 21 Sep 2015 03:30:09 EST It's Like Starting Over... Only BETTER! <img src=""> <BR> As I was laying in bed last night, I was thinking about HOW I could get things turned around. I mean it's pretty obvious: Stop eating like a heffer is going to be step one, but more specifically HOW do I get this turned around? Of course my instincts are to just dive right in to what I was doing before things started to get out of control. Walk 2-3 miles a day, track everything, do this do that. ... Sun, 20 Sep 2015 03:11:26 EST I Want What I Had... <img src=""> <BR> I'm sure you know the expression: <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> That is what that photo represents to me, it was taken on January 22nd, 2015 and that day was very special to me on many levels. For starters, it was my first solo trip to Disneyland, I was in my size 16 shorts (weighed 186) and had walked a record 13 miles ... Sat, 19 Sep 2015 03:51:52 EST WWWWI: #1 The world doesn't revolve around me?! <img src=""> <BR> Yep, the dreaded gain. <em>246</em> We have all been there, and there are many Sparkers that won't even post a gain. There's nothing wrong with that at all, your journey, your choices, whatever works for you! Years ago I never wanted to log the gains, and for a long time I didn't. But the one thing that sucks about not logging the gain is that when it comes back down you don't get to celebrate ... Wed, 16 Sep 2015 22:23:40 EST WWWWI: #0 Yes yes, my title doesn't make any sense. <em>198</em> Well I totally said there were 16 weigh-ins left this year... well I didn't realize that the 31st is a Thursday, which means if you are a Thursday weigher like me, there are 16 weigh ins NOW! Oopsie doodles! <BR> <BR> So I'm going to call today #0, and then count my 1-16 from there! <BR> <BR> So what are all the W's for? Weekly Weight Watchers Weigh-In! If At some point I no longer go to Weight Watchers, I will remove two W's. In all... Thu, 10 Sep 2015 22:05:30 EST Looking Forward To Bigger & Brighter Things! <img src=""> <BR> It's no secret I love Disney, and I have always wanted to go to Disney World! I also have my love for elephants, and my mom said she would go with me after I hit my goal to the Elephant Sanctuary! I still want to do that, and I sure do plan on it. I decided it would not only be after goal but after my tummy tuck. Of course with my regain and not having my head on straight, things get pushed back f... Wed, 9 Sep 2015 04:57:47 EST A Look Back On 2015! No no, don't check your calendars... I may be hopped up on cold medicine still, but I know it's not the end of December, 2015. I look back on each year and do an overview of weight, my victories, my losses, the whole she-bang! <BR> <BR> As I'm sitting here, still living in Twoterville I thought to myself, "Dang, if this were the end of the year, 2015 would have been a colossal waste!" That is a really crummy feeling. <BR> <BR> If this were the end of 2015, this would be my weight chart: <... Mon, 7 Sep 2015 03:04:18 EST Random Rambles I will try to keep this short, but I'm hopped up on cold medicine and so if a lot of it doesn't make sense, that would be why! <BR> <BR> Today I was 201, how exciting LOL. I really feel like I can leave Twoterville behind for good this time. I guess crossing back into this territory really set me straight. It showed me how easy it is to slip back into those bad habits and let all of our hard work slip away. It reminded me that no one is immuned to regain and it can happen to anyone at any ti... Sat, 5 Sep 2015 04:37:19 EST Attitude Is Everything! So I went to Disneyland alone on Monday, which I totally love! It is not something I ever thought I would have the courage to do, but my first alone adventure was to a Luke Bryan concert last year. After I realized how no one cares if you are alone, no one even truly notices, why can't I go to Disneyland alone? So this was my second trip alone, and it was a blast. <BR> <BR> But attitude is everything. I am up 20 pounds from my lowest, and I have never visited Disneyland in Twoterville (unles... Wed, 2 Sep 2015 04:01:46 EST "What Got You Started The First Time?" <img src=""> <BR> The best kind of friend is one that can be supportive, and listen to you... but more importantly makes you think! Lynn (Lynn-LovesLife7) often makes me think, and I owe her for it! She casually asked me "what got you started the first time?". When I set out, and ended up losing 90 pounds, what did it, what gave me that break through to get up and do the dang thing? So I thought for a minute and re... Mon, 31 Aug 2015 03:01:34 EST I No Longer Answer Stupid Questions... <img src=""> <BR> We all have that well meaning (or maybe not so well meaning) person that takes it upon themselves to make sure you are successful on your "diet" and may ask "should you be eating that?" <em>18</em> Nothing makes me more angry than someone food policing me, but I've gotten used to the occasional "can you have that?" comment. What I am not used to is an even more ridiculous question... "Are those... Fri, 28 Aug 2015 06:17:32 EST When Weight Gain Slaps You In The Face! You may have noticed that my recent blogs have a theme... the dreaded regain! Unfortunately that is where my journey is at right now... Sure, I could sit here recount the tales from my glory days of being down 90 pounds, but what good is that going to do? As of now, I'm only down 70 from my highest weight. Okay okay, 70 pounds down is no small feat, don't get me wrong... but it feels like it's ONLY 70 because it used to be 90. <em>246</em> <BR> <BR> Sure, I can sit here and tell you how ... Thu, 27 Aug 2015 03:13:15 EST The Root Of My Regain... I'll try to make this short and sweet, which is tough for me. <em>246</em> I was able to link my weight gain to my knee flaring up. It makes perfect sense. Just as an injury can put someone on the sidelines and make them feel sad, my arthritis flareup has done the same thing. <BR> <BR> The yoyo of 10 pounds up and down was normal for me (not saying it was a good thing, but it was normal for me and not alarming). But with the arthritis flareup hitting in April, that is when the typical 10 ... Thu, 20 Aug 2015 03:13:06 EST I Can See Why People Quit/World Elephant Day <img src=""> <BR> So for starters, I'm totally not quitting. <em>246</em> You can't get rid of me that easily! But I can totally understand it. I also think there is flat out quitting, and there is a sneaky way of quitting... that maybe even the person is not aware of. <BR> <BR> The flat out quitting is the easiest, you wake up one day and you say I have had enough of this, I'm done-sies! You throw in the towe... Sun, 9 Aug 2015 08:43:01 EST What Regain Does To You... <img src=""> <BR> So what regain does to you physically is the obvious part. <em>15</em> It can make you feel bloated, heavier, uncomfortable.... It can make your clothes fit tighter (or make you go up a size), it can mess with your health... and it is just an all around unpleasant experience. <BR> <BR> I am dealing with the physical right now... the tight pants (my work pants are not happy)... I feel truly hea... Sat, 1 Aug 2015 03:00:12 EST Sparky Deserves A New Mommy... <img src=""> <BR> I'm not even going to lie, I had a heart to heart talk with my dog Sparky today. <em>246</em> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> I'm aware this sounds totally crazy, but he really is the best listener. He doesn't judge, he doesn't try to give advice that you really don't want to hear, he just listens. But I can tell he has been... Fri, 31 Jul 2015 07:06:50 EST It's Never Too Late For A Fresh Start.. <img src=""> <BR> I used to think a fresh start in weight loss only happened after you have undone all of your hard work. Yes, each day is a new chance to get it right... but sometimes you are so far down the rabbit hole you can't seem to do anything right. I have seen people on this journey (on spark and in real life) lose a bunch of weight only to gain it all back... and it truly is heartbreaking. Some people can... Thu, 30 Jul 2015 05:59:53 EST Hitting The Panic Button... (Onederland Boarder Patrol) <img src=""> <BR> Okay, don't kick my tushy since I am on my "Sparkpeople mini time out", <em>246</em> ... but today I got up and had an idea and I just want to think out loud. If you want to chime in by all means go ahead, but I just want to get this down somewhere to have for me. I have to say that it's funny the second I step back and remove the pressure of sharing/blogging etc... things start to pop up in thi... Tue, 28 Jul 2015 20:27:35 EST