STEPH-KNEE's SparkPeople Blog STEPH-KNEE's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Attitude Is Everything! So I went to Disneyland alone on Monday, which I totally love! It is not something I ever thought I would have the courage to do, but my first alone adventure was to a Luke Bryan concert last year. After I realized how no one cares if you are alone, no one even truly notices, why can't I go to Disneyland alone? So this was my second trip alone, and it was a blast. <BR> <BR> But attitude is everything. I am up 20 pounds from my lowest, and I have never visited Disneyland in Twoterville (unles... Wed, 2 Sep 2015 04:01:46 EST "What Got You Started The First Time?" <img src=""> <BR> The best kind of friend is one that can be supportive, and listen to you... but more importantly makes you think! Lynn (Lynn-LovesLife7) often makes me think, and I owe her for it! She casually asked me "what got you started the first time?". When I set out, and ended up losing 90 pounds, what did it, what gave me that break through to get up and do the dang thing? So I thought for a minute and re... Mon, 31 Aug 2015 03:01:34 EST I No Longer Answer Stupid Questions... <img src=""> <BR> We all have that well meaning (or maybe not so well meaning) person that takes it upon themselves to make sure you are successful on your "diet" and may ask "should you be eating that?" <em>18</em> Nothing makes me more angry than someone food policing me, but I've gotten used to the occasional "can you have that?" comment. What I am not used to is an even more ridiculous question... "Are those... Fri, 28 Aug 2015 06:17:32 EST When Weight Gain Slaps You In The Face! You may have noticed that my recent blogs have a theme... the dreaded regain! Unfortunately that is where my journey is at right now... Sure, I could sit here recount the tales from my glory days of being down 90 pounds, but what good is that going to do? As of now, I'm only down 70 from my highest weight. Okay okay, 70 pounds down is no small feat, don't get me wrong... but it feels like it's ONLY 70 because it used to be 90. <em>246</em> <BR> <BR> Sure, I can sit here and tell you how ... Thu, 27 Aug 2015 03:13:15 EST The Root Of My Regain... I'll try to make this short and sweet, which is tough for me. <em>246</em> I was able to link my weight gain to my knee flaring up. It makes perfect sense. Just as an injury can put someone on the sidelines and make them feel sad, my arthritis flareup has done the same thing. <BR> <BR> The yoyo of 10 pounds up and down was normal for me (not saying it was a good thing, but it was normal for me and not alarming). But with the arthritis flareup hitting in April, that is when the typical 10 ... Thu, 20 Aug 2015 03:13:06 EST I Can See Why People Quit/World Elephant Day <img src=""> <BR> So for starters, I'm totally not quitting. <em>246</em> You can't get rid of me that easily! But I can totally understand it. I also think there is flat out quitting, and there is a sneaky way of quitting... that maybe even the person is not aware of. <BR> <BR> The flat out quitting is the easiest, you wake up one day and you say I have had enough of this, I'm done-sies! You throw in the towe... Sun, 9 Aug 2015 08:43:01 EST What Regain Does To You... <img src=""> <BR> So what regain does to you physically is the obvious part. <em>15</em> It can make you feel bloated, heavier, uncomfortable.... It can make your clothes fit tighter (or make you go up a size), it can mess with your health... and it is just an all around unpleasant experience. <BR> <BR> I am dealing with the physical right now... the tight pants (my work pants are not happy)... I feel truly hea... Sat, 1 Aug 2015 03:00:12 EST Sparky Deserves A New Mommy... <img src=""> <BR> I'm not even going to lie, I had a heart to heart talk with my dog Sparky today. <em>246</em> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> I'm aware this sounds totally crazy, but he really is the best listener. He doesn't judge, he doesn't try to give advice that you really don't want to hear, he just listens. But I can tell he has been... Fri, 31 Jul 2015 07:06:50 EST It's Never Too Late For A Fresh Start.. <img src=""> <BR> I used to think a fresh start in weight loss only happened after you have undone all of your hard work. Yes, each day is a new chance to get it right... but sometimes you are so far down the rabbit hole you can't seem to do anything right. I have seen people on this journey (on spark and in real life) lose a bunch of weight only to gain it all back... and it truly is heartbreaking. Some people can... Thu, 30 Jul 2015 05:59:53 EST Hitting The Panic Button... (Onederland Boarder Patrol) <img src=""> <BR> Okay, don't kick my tushy since I am on my "Sparkpeople mini time out", <em>246</em> ... but today I got up and had an idea and I just want to think out loud. If you want to chime in by all means go ahead, but I just want to get this down somewhere to have for me. I have to say that it's funny the second I step back and remove the pressure of sharing/blogging etc... things start to pop up in thi... Tue, 28 Jul 2015 20:27:35 EST Sometimes I Feel Like A Fraud... <img src=""> <BR> This blog comes to you from a girl having a very rough day, and a tummy full of Jack In The Box... <em>15</em> <BR> <BR> So let me start off by saying I have never ever lied about anything here on Spark. When you see the title that sometimes I feel like a fraud, I don't want you to think I've ever lied or misrepresented myself here on Spark... that isn't it at all. I have been nothing but 100%... Thu, 23 Jul 2015 03:34:18 EST When The Compliments Stop... Everyone has their words of wisdom when it comes to weight loss. One that I have always strongly believed in is that you have to lose weight for yourself, not someone else. Someone else might be able to motivate you in the short term or give you a reason to start, but long term success is going to come from within you! <BR> <BR> When you lose a good amount of weight, your appearance can change so much and people start to notice. Some people will be jealous (especially if they struggle with w... Mon, 20 Jul 2015 03:21:32 EST Well I Have 2 Choices... <img src=""> <BR> Are you ever smacked in the face with a piece of information, and you first instinct is to shriek in horror? No? Just me? Okay, well this is awkward now. <em>20</em> <BR> <BR> So my Gammie and I were talking about weight, as we often do... and I was talking about how my lowest ever was 181, but it was literally for 2 seconds. My lowest for real-sies weight was 184, and I am sitting at least 6... Sat, 18 Jul 2015 03:21:33 EST The Scale Is Out, Health Is In! <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I am a self admitted Scale-a-holic! For the majority of my 3+ year journey, I would say I weighed almost daily. <em>227</em> Don't lecture me, and give me all the reasons why we aren't supposed to weigh daily. I know them all, I've heard them all, I understand them all...but I happen to some super successful people who have lost a lot of weight and kept it off by daily weighing. It is one... Wed, 15 Jul 2015 03:00:11 EST You Know What Makes Me Sad? My arthritis flareup in my knee taking me away from what I truly love.... <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> It's funny because I started to forget how much I loved it. My knee has been swollen for quite a few months now, and it wasn't that painful at first but has progressively gotten worse. Sparky is no longer getting his regular walks (and we are both sad about that). I have been "blocked out" from Disneyland for the ... Fri, 10 Jul 2015 03:00:37 EST Ready To Learn About Me! <img src=""> <BR> <BR> One thing that I think most of us on Spark agree with is that "every BODY is different", and we all "have to find what works for us". We all have our own preferences, our bodies work differently, and what works well for one person may not work at all for the other. I have always believed this and I have never tried to copy someone else's journey, and have never encouraged anyone to copy min... Wed, 8 Jul 2015 23:56:22 EST I'm So Sad To Admit This, But I'm A... <img src=""> <BR> <BR> This is brand new information to me, and it's pretty devastating. <em>246</em> I guess in order for you to find out if you are addicted to something, you have to actually give it up and see what kind of changes your mind and body go through. It is no secret that people can be addicted to food/sugar just as they can be to alcohol or cigarettes. It makes sense that we end up craving these t... Sat, 4 Jul 2015 05:27:34 EST 21 Day Sugar Detox Results! <img src=""> <BR> So I had to modify this photo. It originally said "I CRUSHED the 21 DSD". But by no means did I crush anything. In my eyes I completed it simply because I never quit or gave up. I certainly did not follow all the rules, I had spread at In-N-Out, plenty of diet soda, some whole wheat tortillas etc. I won't go on and on about all the things I did wrong because the most important thing that I learned... Thu, 2 Jul 2015 03:11:54 EST I Can Dish It Out, But I Can't Always Take It! :( I can dish out advice (when asked for) and kind, supportive words to anyone at any time! Someone can tell me that overate, ate something they shouldn't, skipped a workout, gained 5 pounds etc. and I can find a positive spin on all of it. I can remind them not to give up, not to let the scale get to them. I can remind them that they are human and of course they are going to make mistakes from time to time since none of us are perfect. I can remind them not to beat themselves up and to get back... Sat, 27 Jun 2015 03:42:36 EST Sugar, BLC, Life update! <img src=""> <BR> So I had mentioned wanting to make this sugar plan more of a long term thing. Well I haven't changed my mind, but it is best for me to tackle this 21 day challenge and then work on the rest. If I get overwhelmed, I shut down, so baby steps for me is right. <BR> <BR> For full disclosure, I have had 2 diet cokes, and I have chosen to keep my whole wheat, high fiber tortillas in my diet (not dai... Tue, 23 Jun 2015 21:12:36 EST Why I'm Not At Goal Yet... This started with me updating my opening on my Spark page, but I decided to share it in a blog as well. <em>20</em> <BR> <BR> 6/17/15 - The true prize that no one tells you about is the sense of pride and happiness one can achieve after losing so much weight. We deserve to have confidence, love ourselves, and be happy at any size, but for some of us that is easier said than done. I spent so many years on the sidelines, watching everyone else live life. The weight only holds you back if y... Wed, 17 Jun 2015 22:19:28 EST What's 5 More Pounds?! 5 pounds is the theme of the day... so far on my sugar detox I have lost 5 pounds in 5 days! <BR> <img src=""> <BR> I know it's probably 4 pounds water weight and 1 pound real weight (based on my calorie intake), especially because I was eating SO poorly the 10 days leading up to starting the detox... but at the end of the day it's refreshing to see the scale move, and water or not, it's 5 pounds I'm currently not ... Tue, 16 Jun 2015 20:59:16 EST Eating Better Doesn't Have To Be Hard! <img src=""> <BR> You probably read the title and said "of course it doesn't have to be hard, everyone knows that!" <em>246</em> But for me it's not so obvious. I end up thinking it has to be way harder than it actually is. I think it requires hours of preparation, cooking fancy recipes etc. But that really isn't the case. <BR> <BR> My biggest obstacle in terms of cooking is the fact that I live alone. So I ne... Fri, 12 Jun 2015 21:33:51 EST Why Is It So Hard To Be Kind To Your Body? <img src=""> <BR> Sometimes I really have to stop and ask myself "what are you doing?" Basically, I got back on track with partial motivation from a weight loss challenge at work. There are 3 rounds, and for the first 3 weeks I kicked butt, took names and lost 10 pounds through hard work and laser focus. Then we got weighed, I came in 2nd out of 7 people and was very pleased with that. But then there was a shift. S... Wed, 10 Jun 2015 08:33:01 EST Learning About My Regain... <img src=""> <BR> In all my past weight loss attempts, regain was what happened when I'd lost quite a bit of weight, 20-40 pounds, got stuck, got frustrated, gave up and regained ALL the weight, PLUS more. That was the only way I understood weight loss journeys. The people that lost their weight, got to goal, and maintained seemed like unicorns, they didn't seem like they could be real. <BR> <BR> When I joined Spa... Thu, 4 Jun 2015 21:09:26 EST What I Learned From A Cheeseburger... <img src=""> <BR> It's amazing what you can learn from something that can't even talk... or listen. Since starting the Biggest Loser at work 3 weeks ago, I have been on point. In just about 3 weeks I am down about 9 pounds... to me that's amazing because in this stage of my journey, weight loss doesn't come fast or easy. But one girl at work really ruffled my feathers. <BR> <BR> <em>326</em> Long story short, s... Sun, 31 May 2015 03:01:19 EST For Those Asking... For those kind enough to reach out to me, to ask what's going on, to encourage me to do what is right for me, or to encourage me to stay... I thought I would give a better explanation of my status update from a few days ago... <BR> <BR> "May be taking a huge step back from Spark... I can only speak for myself but it doesn't "feel" the same to me anymore. Will update occasionally, if you want to be facebook friends, let me know! :)" <BR> <BR> Now before anyone says "You left, why are you pos... Sat, 23 May 2015 01:34:31 EST Updates About Life... It has been a long time (at least for me a long time), since I've blogged. I haven't had much to share, but I thought I'd give a few updates on life. <BR> <BR> <em>68</em> So my foot has been hurting, and my right knee is swollen thanks to an arthritis flare up. I was able to get an xray and get into the podiatrist, and the great news is my foot is not fractured like I feared. <em>104</em> The bad news is he thinks I hit a nerve. That actually scares me more than a fracture because as ... Fri, 8 May 2015 23:53:15 EST Weight Loss Isn't My #1 Priority... <img src=""> <BR> <em>198</em> That is not something that you expect to hear on a weight loss website, now is it? <em>246</em> I am not here to say that I am not trying to lose the rest of this weight, or that it isn't important to me. It is VERY important to me. But right now I realized I am more focused on the big picture! Getting my LIFE/EVERYTHING together is my #1 priority. What does that entail? <BR> <BR> *My house a mess. Su... Wed, 29 Apr 2015 23:01:29 EST Coulda, Shoulda, Woulda... This weight chart has been on my mind lately, and not in a good way. Here is the weight chart that starts when I hit Onederland at the end of July, 2013, until the beginning of April. <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> What is plaguing me is this: I hit Onederland at the end of July 2013, and here I am, April of 2015 around the same weight. The highs on this chart aren't as bad as they look, because my highest weight was 272. I know when I look... Wed, 22 Apr 2015 21:25:51 EST It Just Got Real LOL... So I am famous for wanting to try things, and then finding out quickly they aren't for me and giving up. That's the way the cookie crumbles I guess, but since it happened so often, I stopped sharing every little detail of things that I wanted to try. Now I haven't given up on the motivational tools I shared in my last blog. I am excited about them, and I think I am going to hang up my shirts so that I can see them and remember what I'm working towards. I'm officially starting the good/meh day... Tue, 21 Apr 2015 22:05:05 EST New Motivation & New Challenges I am a very visual person. In the beginning of this journey I did so many things that involved NSV's and other outside motivation. As the journey has gone on, I stopped doing it. I loved my weight loss marble jars because it was a visual reminder of how far I had come. Not only that but it was motivating to move the marbles from one jar to the next. Well when you aren't losing weight, it's not really fun anymore. <em>246</em> <BR> <BR> I have tried so many things with rewards and that si... Fri, 17 Apr 2015 03:21:34 EST Trying To Cut The Yo-Yo String! <img src=""> <BR> When you look at the big picture, it looks as though I have more or less maintained my weight loss. As much as I would love to say that is true, the truth is this: I yo yo, it just so happens that when my weight gets up there I work to bring it back down. I know what we will always fluctuate a few pounds, and my goal one day is to maintain within a 5 pound range. That is maintaining. Maintaining is not allowing yourself... Thu, 16 Apr 2015 20:42:58 EST Where Did The Fighter Go?! <img src=""> <BR> ^Crazy Tourist day at work for Dispatcher's Week! <BR> I gotta tell you, when I was at my biggest, there was a fighter deep down inside of me that wanted to get this weight off of me. I tried so many fad diets and diet pills, I honestly felt I would do ANYTHING to lose the weight. I wanted it that desperately. Funnily enough I would do "anything" but eat right and exercise. <em>246</em> Oh the irony! But anyways, when... Wed, 15 Apr 2015 09:02:22 EST The Mood Has Struck Me... <img src=""> <BR> So I finally admitted that I needed a break from blogging and today I had something that actually caught my attention and it lead me here to blog. <em>246</em> I think that was the problem with the blogging... I think some of my more recent blogs were kind of forced. I used to just blog when something made me think, or I wanted to share. But in time it seemed like people were expecting them, and then when I was quiet... Thu, 9 Apr 2015 03:00:47 EST In Case You Were Wondering... <img src=""> <BR> <BR> If you don't watch Friends then that probably means nothing to you. <em>246</em> But I've been on a break from blogging. I did post it in a status update, but a few people were asking about me and wondering what's been going on. I am exhausted, and my <em>26</em> isn't in the blogging right now. If my heart isn't in something then I don't do it "just to do it". Sometimes I feel like I "should" blog but if it ... Mon, 6 Apr 2015 01:51:14 EST What Is Your Weight Loss Accountability/Motivation? <img src=""> <BR> I've been around the block a time a two! Weight watchers, nutrisystem, jenny craig. I thought the accountability of having to go and get weighed in front of people would help and that didn't do it. <BR> <BR> I have all the fun motivational tools, I've tried the reward systems, I have the weight loss marble jars, the smaller jeans that I want to fit in to, the stickers on my calendar when I do well, the list of reasons I... Sat, 28 Mar 2015 05:30:19 EST Do You Want The Good News... <img src=""> <BR> Or the bad news? Well who doesn't love good news, so we will start with that! <em>20</em> The good news it that I had an amazing time at Disneyland, as always ha ha! I got to meet Pluto with the bunny ears and we got to ride all the big rides despite it being completely and ridiculously crowded for Spring Break. Fast passes really do work wonders. Pluto was a doll. When I met him I told him we came just to see him wi... Fri, 27 Mar 2015 03:02:19 EST Funny How Perspective Changes! (New Before Pics) A coworker came across some photos of me from 2010. I checked my records and I was 250 pounds then... I also found a couple from 2012 and I was also 250. I figured out in that time in between, I got to my highest weight of 272. Crazy to think I have been on Spark since 2009 that I have record of my weight even when I wasn't doing my best. <BR> <BR> The craziest part about these particular photos is I remember them being posted on facebook way back when, and I instantly untagged myself from t... Tue, 24 Mar 2015 03:16:15 EST Celebrating 3 Years of Awesomeness! :D <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> I have been reflecting on my journey a lot lately, so I will try not to bore you with all that again. Those that are my Spark friends know I've maintained an 85 pound loss for over a year, and I'm ready to move forward and lose the last 30ish pounds. Today, I am celebrating 3 years on this journey! <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople... Fri, 20 Mar 2015 03:01:28 EST Going To Give It 6 Months... For me and my journey, I do not believe in setting timeline goals. I learned the hard way that saying I want to lose XX pounds this month, or I want to weigh XXX by such and such date doesn't work for me. Usually, when I set those goals, I set them too high, secretly knowing I can't hit them, then when I don't hit them I feel like a failure. So I don't do that anymore and I haven't in years. I know that technique works so well for some, just not me. <em>211</em> <BR> <BR> I would say the ... Wed, 18 Mar 2015 20:39:17 EST What I CAN'T Do... I had decided a couple weeks ago while talking to a good Spark friend (Hi Lynn! <em>213</em> ) that I was going to let go of all the things I "can't do". But I wanted to share some of that here today. I think at some point, we have all compared ourselves to someone else. Whether it is someone you know in "real life" (friend, relative), a celebrity, a fellow Sparker or a perfect stranger... it can still really get us down. <BR> <BR> I remember comparing myself to a fellow Sparker. I didn't k... Sun, 15 Mar 2015 03:02:14 EST Reflecting On My Journey So Far... I am celebrating a huge anniversary this month, on the 20th to be exact. It is going to be 3 years on THIS weight loss journey. I signed up for Spark in 2009, lost 40 pounds, lost my spark, hid from spark and gained it all back plus more. I went back and forth for years. I had a HUGE wake up call on January of 2012 when I saw this photo of myself: <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I honestly was downright heartbroken when I saw that photo. I ... Fri, 13 Mar 2015 03:11:53 EST I'm Overweight & I'm Happy... <img src=""> <BR> Such a strange concept right? I know there are some people that are genuinely "fat and happy", but for me that wasn't the case at 272 pounds. I wasn't happy with my weight, and I let that affect my overall happiness. So I was never one of those people who at their biggest thought they looked great and was strutting around like I was all that. <em>246</em> If that is/was you, go for it, but for me that wasn't the case... Wed, 11 Mar 2015 03:54:13 EST The Vicious Circle... <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I think those of us that have struggled with our weight have encountered the vicious circle a time or two. The vicious circle can come in many forms... <BR> <BR> For me I often experience this one: <BR> <BR> Overeat, feel bad (mentally & physically), overeat again... <BR> <BR> It could also be... <BR> Gained a couple pounds, feeling discouraged, no longer trying, gaining a few more pounds... <BR> <BR> You coul... Sat, 7 Mar 2015 03:06:18 EST What I'm Afraid Of... <img src=""> <BR> A lot of people who have lost a significant amount of weight are often afraid they are going to gain all their weight back. When you think about it, it makes sense... if we were once overweight/obese we know it is very easy to found ourselves there again. Not only that, but most people have had multiple attempts at losing weight which usually resulted in gaining back some or all of the weight. It makes perfect sense tha... Wed, 4 Mar 2015 03:15:16 EST It's All YOU Baby! I was thinking today about something that we all know, but it really had my wheels turning today for some reason. We already know that this is all on us. Regardless of how much support we have, weight loss buddies, weight watchers meetings, OA meetings, work out partners, fitness classes, Spark people tools/support, and any other resources you can name... we really have to do this ourselves. <BR> <BR> Now don't get me wrong... I will be the first to say I would not be where I am on this weig... Sat, 28 Feb 2015 03:07:47 EST BFF Day At Disneyland! Okay, so it wasn't REALLY BFF day at Disneyland but it felt like it! I got buttons made that say "Best Friends" and one has Mickey and one Pluto and I was surprised how many people commented on how cute our buttons were. I didn't think anyone would notice but they did. <BR> <BR> We had such a great time... I will say that some pictures were an eye opener of why I do not want to be in the 190's anymore. The changes in my face from even a 5-10 pound gain as well as my stomach are pretty crazy.... Thu, 26 Feb 2015 03:03:08 EST Square Peg...Round Hole... <img src=""> <BR> It was only a couple days ago I posted about trying to do this whole kind of game/reward system thing. I have tried stuff like this before, it has NEVER worked. What possessed me to think that THIS TIME it would work is beyond me. I am one month away from being on this journey for 3 years... yes 3 years. The last year was spent more or less maintaining in a 10 pound range, but I was here, trying and had never thrown in ... Sat, 21 Feb 2015 03:08:19 EST Trying Not To Lose My Marbles.... I am going to be trying some different stuff. Now knowing me, I could quit at any moment and forget all about it... <em>246</em> But this one I am really hoping is going to stick. I made a kind of "game" for myself... I guess it's really not a game but it sounds more fun that way. <em>211</em> I will try to spare you all the details, as it really is not interesting, but I set up 2 vases. I can earn activity marbles for 1 and "food" marbles for the other. To earn a food marble it's strai... Mon, 16 Feb 2015 03:06:19 EST