STEPH-KNEE's SparkPeople Blog STEPH-KNEE's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Weight Loss Isn't My #1 Priority... <img src=""> <BR> <em>198</em> That is not something that you expect to hear on a weight loss website, now is it? <em>246</em> I am not here to say that I am not trying to lose the rest of this weight, or that it isn't important to me. It is VERY important to me. But right now I realized I am more focused on the big picture! Getting my LIFE/EVERYTHING together is my #1 priority. What does that entail? <BR> <BR> *My house a mess. Su... Wed, 29 Apr 2015 23:01:29 EST Coulda, Shoulda, Woulda... This weight chart has been on my mind lately, and not in a good way. Here is the weight chart that starts when I hit Onederland at the end of July, 2013, until the beginning of April. <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> What is plaguing me is this: I hit Onederland at the end of July 2013, and here I am, April of 2015 around the same weight. The highs on this chart aren't as bad as they look, because my highest weight was 272. I know when I look... Wed, 22 Apr 2015 21:25:51 EST It Just Got Real LOL... So I am famous for wanting to try things, and then finding out quickly they aren't for me and giving up. That's the way the cookie crumbles I guess, but since it happened so often, I stopped sharing every little detail of things that I wanted to try. Now I haven't given up on the motivational tools I shared in my last blog. I am excited about them, and I think I am going to hang up my shirts so that I can see them and remember what I'm working towards. I'm officially starting the good/meh day... Tue, 21 Apr 2015 22:05:05 EST New Motivation & New Challenges I am a very visual person. In the beginning of this journey I did so many things that involved NSV's and other outside motivation. As the journey has gone on, I stopped doing it. I loved my weight loss marble jars because it was a visual reminder of how far I had come. Not only that but it was motivating to move the marbles from one jar to the next. Well when you aren't losing weight, it's not really fun anymore. <em>246</em> <BR> <BR> I have tried so many things with rewards and that si... Fri, 17 Apr 2015 03:21:34 EST Trying To Cut The Yo-Yo String! <img src=""> <BR> When you look at the big picture, it looks as though I have more or less maintained my weight loss. As much as I would love to say that is true, the truth is this: I yo yo, it just so happens that when my weight gets up there I work to bring it back down. I know what we will always fluctuate a few pounds, and my goal one day is to maintain within a 5 pound range. That is maintaining. Maintaining is not allowing yourself... Thu, 16 Apr 2015 20:42:58 EST Where Did The Fighter Go?! <img src=""> <BR> ^Crazy Tourist day at work for Dispatcher's Week! <BR> I gotta tell you, when I was at my biggest, there was a fighter deep down inside of me that wanted to get this weight off of me. I tried so many fad diets and diet pills, I honestly felt I would do ANYTHING to lose the weight. I wanted it that desperately. Funnily enough I would do "anything" but eat right and exercise. <em>246</em> Oh the irony! But anyways, when... Wed, 15 Apr 2015 09:02:22 EST The Mood Has Struck Me... <img src=""> <BR> So I finally admitted that I needed a break from blogging and today I had something that actually caught my attention and it lead me here to blog. <em>246</em> I think that was the problem with the blogging... I think some of my more recent blogs were kind of forced. I used to just blog when something made me think, or I wanted to share. But in time it seemed like people were expecting them, and then when I was quiet... Thu, 9 Apr 2015 03:00:47 EST In Case You Were Wondering... <img src=""> <BR> <BR> If you don't watch Friends then that probably means nothing to you. <em>246</em> But I've been on a break from blogging. I did post it in a status update, but a few people were asking about me and wondering what's been going on. I am exhausted, and my <em>26</em> isn't in the blogging right now. If my heart isn't in something then I don't do it "just to do it". Sometimes I feel like I "should" blog but if it ... Mon, 6 Apr 2015 01:51:14 EST What Is Your Weight Loss Accountability/Motivation? <img src=""> <BR> I've been around the block a time a two! Weight watchers, nutrisystem, jenny craig. I thought the accountability of having to go and get weighed in front of people would help and that didn't do it. <BR> <BR> I have all the fun motivational tools, I've tried the reward systems, I have the weight loss marble jars, the smaller jeans that I want to fit in to, the stickers on my calendar when I do well, the list of reasons I... Sat, 28 Mar 2015 05:30:19 EST Do You Want The Good News... <img src=""> <BR> Or the bad news? Well who doesn't love good news, so we will start with that! <em>20</em> The good news it that I had an amazing time at Disneyland, as always ha ha! I got to meet Pluto with the bunny ears and we got to ride all the big rides despite it being completely and ridiculously crowded for Spring Break. Fast passes really do work wonders. Pluto was a doll. When I met him I told him we came just to see him wi... Fri, 27 Mar 2015 03:02:19 EST Funny How Perspective Changes! (New Before Pics) A coworker came across some photos of me from 2010. I checked my records and I was 250 pounds then... I also found a couple from 2012 and I was also 250. I figured out in that time in between, I got to my highest weight of 272. Crazy to think I have been on Spark since 2009 that I have record of my weight even when I wasn't doing my best. <BR> <BR> The craziest part about these particular photos is I remember them being posted on facebook way back when, and I instantly untagged myself from t... Tue, 24 Mar 2015 03:16:15 EST Celebrating 3 Years of Awesomeness! :D <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> I have been reflecting on my journey a lot lately, so I will try not to bore you with all that again. Those that are my Spark friends know I've maintained an 85 pound loss for over a year, and I'm ready to move forward and lose the last 30ish pounds. Today, I am celebrating 3 years on this journey! <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople... Fri, 20 Mar 2015 03:01:28 EST Going To Give It 6 Months... For me and my journey, I do not believe in setting timeline goals. I learned the hard way that saying I want to lose XX pounds this month, or I want to weigh XXX by such and such date doesn't work for me. Usually, when I set those goals, I set them too high, secretly knowing I can't hit them, then when I don't hit them I feel like a failure. So I don't do that anymore and I haven't in years. I know that technique works so well for some, just not me. <em>211</em> <BR> <BR> I would say the ... Wed, 18 Mar 2015 20:39:17 EST What I CAN'T Do... I had decided a couple weeks ago while talking to a good Spark friend (Hi Lynn! <em>213</em> ) that I was going to let go of all the things I "can't do". But I wanted to share some of that here today. I think at some point, we have all compared ourselves to someone else. Whether it is someone you know in "real life" (friend, relative), a celebrity, a fellow Sparker or a perfect stranger... it can still really get us down. <BR> <BR> I remember comparing myself to a fellow Sparker. I didn't k... Sun, 15 Mar 2015 03:02:14 EST Reflecting On My Journey So Far... I am celebrating a huge anniversary this month, on the 20th to be exact. It is going to be 3 years on THIS weight loss journey. I signed up for Spark in 2009, lost 40 pounds, lost my spark, hid from spark and gained it all back plus more. I went back and forth for years. I had a HUGE wake up call on January of 2012 when I saw this photo of myself: <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I honestly was downright heartbroken when I saw that photo. I ... Fri, 13 Mar 2015 03:11:53 EST I'm Overweight & I'm Happy... <img src=""> <BR> Such a strange concept right? I know there are some people that are genuinely "fat and happy", but for me that wasn't the case at 272 pounds. I wasn't happy with my weight, and I let that affect my overall happiness. So I was never one of those people who at their biggest thought they looked great and was strutting around like I was all that. <em>246</em> If that is/was you, go for it, but for me that wasn't the case... Wed, 11 Mar 2015 03:54:13 EST The Vicious Circle... <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I think those of us that have struggled with our weight have encountered the vicious circle a time or two. The vicious circle can come in many forms... <BR> <BR> For me I often experience this one: <BR> <BR> Overeat, feel bad (mentally & physically), overeat again... <BR> <BR> It could also be... <BR> Gained a couple pounds, feeling discouraged, no longer trying, gaining a few more pounds... <BR> <BR> You coul... Sat, 7 Mar 2015 03:06:18 EST What I'm Afraid Of... <img src=""> <BR> A lot of people who have lost a significant amount of weight are often afraid they are going to gain all their weight back. When you think about it, it makes sense... if we were once overweight/obese we know it is very easy to found ourselves there again. Not only that, but most people have had multiple attempts at losing weight which usually resulted in gaining back some or all of the weight. It makes perfect sense tha... Wed, 4 Mar 2015 03:15:16 EST It's All YOU Baby! I was thinking today about something that we all know, but it really had my wheels turning today for some reason. We already know that this is all on us. Regardless of how much support we have, weight loss buddies, weight watchers meetings, OA meetings, work out partners, fitness classes, Spark people tools/support, and any other resources you can name... we really have to do this ourselves. <BR> <BR> Now don't get me wrong... I will be the first to say I would not be where I am on this weig... Sat, 28 Feb 2015 03:07:47 EST BFF Day At Disneyland! Okay, so it wasn't REALLY BFF day at Disneyland but it felt like it! I got buttons made that say "Best Friends" and one has Mickey and one Pluto and I was surprised how many people commented on how cute our buttons were. I didn't think anyone would notice but they did. <BR> <BR> We had such a great time... I will say that some pictures were an eye opener of why I do not want to be in the 190's anymore. The changes in my face from even a 5-10 pound gain as well as my stomach are pretty crazy.... Thu, 26 Feb 2015 03:03:08 EST Square Peg...Round Hole... <img src=""> <BR> It was only a couple days ago I posted about trying to do this whole kind of game/reward system thing. I have tried stuff like this before, it has NEVER worked. What possessed me to think that THIS TIME it would work is beyond me. I am one month away from being on this journey for 3 years... yes 3 years. The last year was spent more or less maintaining in a 10 pound range, but I was here, trying and had never thrown in ... Sat, 21 Feb 2015 03:08:19 EST Trying Not To Lose My Marbles.... I am going to be trying some different stuff. Now knowing me, I could quit at any moment and forget all about it... <em>246</em> But this one I am really hoping is going to stick. I made a kind of "game" for myself... I guess it's really not a game but it sounds more fun that way. <em>211</em> I will try to spare you all the details, as it really is not interesting, but I set up 2 vases. I can earn activity marbles for 1 and "food" marbles for the other. To earn a food marble it's strai... Mon, 16 Feb 2015 03:06:19 EST Sometimes This Isn't Fun... I know you are probably saying to yourself "Well, duh!!" <em>20</em> But as I was sitting here, struggling, in a funk, I thought to myself man, sometimes this stuff is just not fun. Sometimes it is hard, sometimes it doesn't feel worth it... but the keyword there was sometimes. Not all the time, just sometimes. When I was rocking and rolling for a month and a half this was easy, kind of fun, and as the scale was coming down it was extra fun. So at least I am seeing that losing weight isn't... Sat, 14 Feb 2015 03:01:22 EST How I'm Feeling + Disneyland Pics... This is just a quick update to tell everyone thanks for being so supportive. I am really having a rough time with food and other things right now and it is not going well. I will be headed to Vegas to see my Gammie Monday-Friday and I'm hoping this will give me a chance to recharge and get back to business when I get home. I think I am really learning that I need to be more flexible with things. When things are going well I am on point and kicking butt but when I hit a bump, sometimes it turn... Sun, 8 Feb 2015 03:13:35 EST Here's What February Is Going To Be For Me... I'll try to keep this short and sweet, which is hard for me. <em>246</em> <BR> <BR> I am having a rough time,...horrible day, then a good day then a blah day. What I realized is that I had 37 days perfectly on track before the binge day. That was amazing in itself and that is by far the longest I've ever gone without a binge. The funny part is I wasn't even really trying or counting. I knew I was doing well, I knew it had been a while but I didn't know how long. <BR> <BR> I think my Bir... Mon, 2 Feb 2015 06:45:02 EST Such A Complicated Relationship... <img src=""> <BR> <BR> *SIGHS* This relationship has been on again off again since I was a teenager. But we have been together, exclusively since March of 2012. We've had our ups and downs, our good and our bad... but we can't stay away from each other. Or more specifically, I can't stay away from him. <BR> <BR> I am talking about him: <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Yes, that ... Fri, 30 Jan 2015 03:02:36 EST Good Thing I'm Not On A Diet... <img src=""> <BR> <BR> In this case it wasn't an argument... but I hate when I think of things later that I should have said. When you are losing weight people have their own ideas of what you are doing. It doesn't matter what you tell them or how many times, they have their own ideas and rules of what you should be doing. I have tried various different plans... in fact this particular coworker knew about my 21 Day Sugar Detox (So mine w... Wed, 28 Jan 2015 05:37:48 EST Disneyland Alone = 30,000 Steps Badge & Feeling Unstoppable! <img src=""> <BR> ^Don't tell Pluto, but I think I'm in love. <em>211</em> <BR> Okay seriously... going to Disneyland alone was an amazing experience on so many levels. For starters, I walked a record 12 miles alone. I was only there from at 10:15 to 7! I walked Sparky when I got home and my ending total was 13.63 miles and 30,077 steps! There were times that I walked just to walk. I rode 8 rides, and I took a bazillion pictures. I met... Fri, 23 Jan 2015 04:31:06 EST Set Yourself Up For Success! <em>228</em> Warning: This is super cheesy, and I know it's cheesy, but I've found it to be true. <BR> <BR> All these little tips we hear along the way: <BR> "Set out your workout clothes so you see them first thing in the morning" <BR> "Bring a bottle of water with you so you can drink it throughout the day" <BR> "Plan your meals ahead of time" <BR> "Don't bring foods that might be too big of a temptation into the house" <BR> <BR> Blah blah blah, yada yada yada. When I was starting this... Thu, 22 Jan 2015 03:16:46 EST My Weight Loss Journey In Photos... <img src=""> <BR> I found some new before photos, and I am noticing that even just 30-40 pounds ago I look like an entirely different person! Of course I look even more different 80 pounds ago, but it is amazing to see how much I have changed. It is hard for me to find pictures that really show what I looked like, because I didn't have many photos taken. The ones that were taken were always cropped or deleted because I didn't like how th... Sat, 17 Jan 2015 03:05:02 EST I Forgot How Sweet The "Sweet Spot" Was! <img src=""> <BR> In 2013, I wrote a blog about how on my journey, there are 3 phases of weight loss. <BR> <BR> <link><BR>urnal_individual.asp?blog_id=5507580 </link> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> The shorter version of that blog is this: At any point in time on my journey I am in one of my 3 phases... <BR> <BR> The Sweet Spot, The Pit of Despair o... Fri, 16 Jan 2015 03:59:22 EST Disneyland Amazement & Slipping Up... *The video is nothing interesting, the poor lady didn't know how to work my camera, so Snow White and I were just kinda chillin' and started to laugh. She was such a trooper and so patient! It just shows how dang cute we are* <em>211</em> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> What do you think are the odds of the Fairy Godmother can help me out with the last 30 pounds? <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <... Thu, 15 Jan 2015 04:21:33 EST As The 21 Day Sugar Detox Comes To A Close... I'm supposed to be asleep and waking up in 2 hours for Disneyland, but I couldn't sleep so I thought... might as well just get up. <BR> <BR> Today (Wednesday) will mark day 20 for me for the 21 Day Sugar Detox. I want to say that I have not been absolutely perfect on this challenge... no one is perfect and unfortunately I am no exception. <em>246</em> But I counted each day as successful because I think I did very well. Some days were indeed spot on... but I will say I had a few iced latt... Wed, 14 Jan 2015 08:03:40 EST An Apology To My Body... <img src=""> <BR> Today I am thankful for my body! <em>40</em> Did I just say that? You know that thing that I've hated for years, told it how ugly and large it was and how it disgusted me? Well I really am learning to be thankful for my body. Am I bothered my hanging stomach? Yes, it gets in the way and it doesn't look adorable. <em>246</em> Do I like when I'm exercising and the flying squirrels (as my friend Susan calls the flapp... Fri, 9 Jan 2015 05:29:01 EST Different Stages Of A Weight Loss Journey... <img src=""> <BR> I have been incorporating some great changes in the last couple of weeks, and boy is it exciting! I have learned a new way of eating through the 21 Day Sugar Detox (just finished day 12!) and I can tell a difference in so many things. I fall asleep faster and stay asleep, I have more energy and my tummy isn't always bloated and uncomfortable. Although restrictive it has taught me how much eating veggies really helps me ... Wed, 7 Jan 2015 03:51:36 EST What Is This 21 Day Sugar Detox All About? <em>230</em> I am not at all pushing this plan on anyone or even inviting anyone to join me. We all have to figure out what works for us. I have failed at many plans, but that doesn't mean they are bad plans... it just means they weren't for me! I have been asked quite a few questions about what plan I'm following and what it entails, so that is my reason for this post. If you weren't one of the ones asking questions, you are going to want to skip this. <em>211</em> <BR> <BR> What pl... Mon, 5 Jan 2015 03:04:33 EST Started Off 2015 With A Bang! It's crazy to think just 10 days ago I was so off track that I was scared that I couldn't pull this together. So much has changed in just those 10 days and I am so thankful. I got back on track on Christmas Eve and on December 26th I started the 21 Day Sugar Detox. I have tried many different programs and I have never stuck with anything for the full length of time. The farthest I've gotten I think was 10 days. But this has actually become a pretty decent way of eating and I'm not dreading it... Fri, 2 Jan 2015 03:08:55 EST A Different Kind of Reflection on 2014... <img src=""> <BR> At the end of 2012 and 2013, I sat down and looked at all I had accomplished during the year in terms of weight loss. (I have lost a total of about 80 pounds since starting my journey, and kept it off). I figured out how much weight I lost that year, how well I was doing, maybe even how many miles I walked. But as everyone knows, 2014 has not been the greatest year for me in weight loss. Just for the record to reflect...... Thu, 25 Dec 2014 03:01:38 EST Do You Run Towards The Good Or Away From The Bad? <img src=""> <BR> So I was watching an awesome vlog from my girl Susan (IMSOOZEEQ) <link><BR>urnal_individual.asp?blog_id=5836195 </link> ... and she has a way of really making me think. I am much in the same boat as her, trying to figure out where to go from here... and how I want to go about it. <BR> <BR> The thing that she said in this video that really got me thinking was this: What motivated h... Mon, 22 Dec 2014 04:33:31 EST I'm Caught In A Trap... <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Or can I? I feel like I'm stuck in the Pit Of Despair... and that I've been there so long that I'm thinking about redecorating. <em>246</em> That is definitely not the right attitude, I should be planning my escape, not deciding which blinds would brighten the place up... it's the pit of despair, nothing can make it pretty. <em>20</em> It's amazing how things can snowball out of control, and get away from you... Fri, 19 Dec 2014 03:03:06 EST It's Always SOMETHING, & A New Goal... <img src=""> <BR> I am going to tell you why so many weight loss journeys fail. They either never make it past the first week, or they make it to a certain point (3 months, 30 pounds lost, etc.) before life throws the person an unexpected curve ball and everything gets destroyed! I'm just gonna call it like I see it: This crap is hard! There, I said it! <em>246</em> On the surface it sounds easy... and anyone who just tells you to "ea... Wed, 17 Dec 2014 04:33:06 EST Hitting Rock Bottom At The PERFECT Time! <img src=""> <BR> I have done it again, hit rock bottom... but this time is different! In the past, hitting rock bottom came after regaining all the weight I had lost, and then MORE. It was admitting I was at an all time high weight, and realizing I needed to do something about it. I lost 40 pounds 3 times in my life, only to gain them back and then some. When I started in March of 2012, I decided this was going to be the final time losi... Sun, 14 Dec 2014 03:02:03 EST Hitting The Panic Button! <em>228</em> This blog isn't interesting or informative, it is for me to document what I am feeling today... <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> My weight this morning was 196.6... my lowest weight on this journey was 181 in September. Then I went back up to 190 or so. I got back down to 184, then went to Florida in November and am now sitting at 196.6. That is not okay, it is too close to Twoterville! Numbers aside, I FEEL heavy. I feel... Fri, 12 Dec 2014 21:01:55 EST STEPH-KNEE Uncensored... Volume 3 <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I have been very blessed in my life recently, and have been having a lot of awesome days! I was blessed enough to have 30 days of vacation time, and most of those days I took advantage of. I went to Florida, I went to the Zoo twice, and Friday morning will be my 3rd and final trip to Disneyland for this vacation. I am getting ready go to back to work on Saturday, and well, that stinks. <BR> <BR> I have had a lot ... Fri, 5 Dec 2014 03:02:05 EST Bestest Day EVER! For Real-sies This Time! A video of the beautiful It's A Small World at Christmas time at Disneyland! <BR> <BR> I can't even express how much it was the best day ever! Despite my foot hurting and twisting my ankle while I was there, it was still the best day. It was crowded but not as crowded as the previous time. The weather was gloomy but no rain which was awesome! We were able to ride all the big rides and do everything we wanted to do. I felt like I was 7... as we were walking by, several characters came out to ... Tue, 2 Dec 2014 21:13:02 EST Sometimes You Feel Like A Nut... <img src=""> <BR> Anyone remember those commercials? I never liked the candy, but that slogan came to mind while thinking about this blog. <em>246</em> <BR> <BR> I still can't get over how different someone can feel about themselves from one day to the next. It really has been confusing to me, especially lately. Example? Monday I went to Disneyland, had a blast, loved the majority of my pictures, felt great, walked 10 miles, and enjo... Sat, 29 Nov 2014 03:30:56 EST Disneyland Christmas Edition: Volume 1! Why Volume 1? Because I get to go twice next week, and am thinking about venturing out alone the week after that. I have to say, I've never been a big Christmas person... or a picture person (until recently)... but being able to enjoy all the lights and decorations was awesome! Disneyland is such a busy place, there are so many photo opportunities and so many characters to meet... and call me immature but I love meeting some of those characters. <em>20</em> <BR> <BR> My favorite photo fr... Wed, 26 Nov 2014 03:26:57 EST Another Fun Day In The Life of Steph-knee! Okay, so I don't go around referring to myself in the 3rd person, but in some of my blogs some of my Spark friends have commented that it was another fun day in the life of Steph-knee! I figured that was super cute, so I decided to go with it! <BR> <BR> As I've been back from Florida, I have been dealing with some terrible jet lag. The combination of switching my sleep around in Florida so that I could be up during the day (I work graveyard shifts) was hard enough... but now that I'm home my... Thu, 20 Nov 2014 06:13:01 EST The Magic Boots... I will TRY to keep this short and sweet, these boots must have a super power. <em>530</em> Other than the fact that my poor baby toes were not quite happy with my choices in footwear, they made me feel good. The jeans helped too. I am by no means done with my journey, I can still be self critical and think "wow, your stomach looks pretty bad", but overall I FELT good, I felt pretty and I had a blast. I never once felt like the fat chick, and I didn't care if anyone was looking at me. I tol... Wed, 5 Nov 2014 03:00:26 EST Getting Back To "Weight Loss Mode"... <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I have been talking A LOT about the last year of my journey because I've been reflecting on it and preparing to move forward. While maintaining an 80 pound loss, I gained and lost the same 10ish pounds several times. I am about 3 pounds away from getting back to my lowest weight... and I feel like I am gearing back up for weight loss mode. <BR> <BR> If you were to ask me if I had been trying to lose weight this l... Mon, 3 Nov 2014 05:05:33 EST