STARDUST2K4's SparkPeople Blog STARDUST2K4's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Bring it on December Things have been crazy these last couple of months. My husband and I are out on our own again. We both work at a Plasma donation center. He recently got promoted, and I'm doing well myself. I have my very first business trip coming up next month! <BR> <BR> More importantly-I'm starting school in January to get my Master's degree in Social work. I have been trying to get my foot into the door at my local department of human services, but so far, to no avail. I was hesitant to even apply beca... Fri, 1 Dec 2017 01:49:59 EST Holy 2016! I've been hesitant to write here. Last year was quite depressing for me, and frankly, a wash. It just hit me that after finishing college, I still ended up doing jobs that I didn't even need a degree for-jobs that I set out to avoid by going to college. I knew that my income opportuities wouldn't necessarily change after getting an undergrad degree, but I thought maybe I'd at least be able to find something entry level in my field. So many applications, one interview, and nothing. At least I'... Fri, 29 Jan 2016 12:57:26 EST the Importance of Choice I feel like ever since I admitted to myself that I have an addiction to food, I've used it as a crutch. The reality is that I have lost weight before. I have before, and I can again. Addiction or not, everything boils down to choice. Addiction does not remove responsibility. It doesn't take away the ability to make a choice. <BR> I have lost about 8 pounds since January. While some progress is better than no progress, I feel like I could be doing more. I want to stop beating myself up over ... Sat, 21 Feb 2015 13:02:09 EST Started Personal Training I had my first session of personal training last Thursday. Man I got my butt kicked! I have a feeling that things are going to really start getting better though! One other thing that I am excited for is seeing the original counselor that I saw back in 2011. Now that I have a good job, and my fiance has a job too, we can afford the help that I clearly need. I think things are going to start changing and it's going to be for the better. <BR> <BR> I wanted the personal trainer to help me get... Sun, 18 Jan 2015 16:12:41 EST Time for another Strategy Work has been going well. I have been out of training for 4 weeks now. My fiance also got a job there. He will be starting on the 6th. Financially, we're going to be set. I am so thankful and happy. <BR> Health wise, I have fallen back into old habits and working a sit down job, that's not a happy situation. Luckily, I have a friend who is willing to take me on as a client at the local gym. I have a consultation today at 11. I am going to take measurements and weigh myself before I go. <BR... Mon, 29 Dec 2014 12:27:19 EST I quit my job yesterday I was offered employment closer to my home, so I decided that it was time to quit the job that required commuting 20 miles each way. On top of that, my co-workers were not very polite or accepting of me. There were 6 of us-all women, and approximately the same age. there was a lot of clique behavior similar to that of the high school variety, and I have to say, I was pushed out. They weren't good at inclusion, and in fact, often, they would make plans about "hanging out" and I'd be sitting th... Sat, 4 Oct 2014 13:28:19 EST It's Been A Very Long Time. I Am Ready To Come Back Since my last post, Adam and I graduated with our BA's with honors. I was lucky enough to have a job at a local clinic as a scheduler that I started working the week after I graduated. We finally moved back out. Unfortunately, the toll it took on my body was not good. I am back up to where I began. That's right. I am 330 pounds again. I am not proud of it, but if it's any consolation, I can at least say that I don't look as big as I did the last time I weighed this much. The other good news i... Sun, 7 Sep 2014 03:44:21 EST Banishing the Negativity! So far, 2014 has been quite eventful for me. From moving into my parents' house with my fiance, and working on completing my last two terms of college, and now looking for work, I can definitely say that food has been my coping mechanism-big time! I have gained about 30 pounds since the beginning of the year. I readily admit that. Yes, I've gained some weight, but I'm not going to start hating myself over that anymore. I'm not ugly-I never was. I'm gorgeous, and I feel amazing. Sure, I will h... Mon, 28 Apr 2014 14:02:42 EST 10 days so far I have been wheat free for 10 days now (today will be day 11). While I do feel better about it, I've noticed something else: I've eaten WAAAY too much candy! In fact, I've been having crazy sugar cravings! It's nuts! I've been thinking about it, and I realize: I'm swapping out one bad food for another! Candy is essentially the same thing! They're just a bunch of sugars that are going to get converted to fat! Why am I giving up wheat, if I'm substituting it for candy? That's not good! So what... Sat, 29 Mar 2014 10:37:23 EST Spring has Sprung! I was so happy to finally finish Winter term! I am officially on Spring break, but I still have to do some research relevant to my senior project. I can't believe I have about 85 days until I graduate! I started a count-down in my planner around the beginning of the term, so it's kind of neat to see the days go by and cross it off. <BR> <BR> One thing I am finding I have more time for now is to write my resume, and start applying for work. I know that these processes can sometimes take month... Fri, 21 Mar 2014 12:03:12 EST Stumbling This is seriously really hard! It's difficult to just uproot my entire diet! Needless to say, I've stumbled quite a few times over the last three or four days! I've gone from being afraid to eat anything to the mentality of "aw, who cares, I've already got the stones anyway". Definitely not a good thing! <BR> <BR> On top of all that, I'm trying to get my final essays done to complete Winter Term, and star the job application process (I know that these types of jobs can take months before ev... Sat, 15 Mar 2014 16:31:42 EST Crunch Time! I have totally overhauled my diet, and I have to say, I feel much better. I don't have the pain that I was experiencing before. <BR> On Friday, I went to the casino and the buffet with my fiance and his family. His sister was visiting from Illinois and we haven't seen her in over 2 years. I did very well and the only meat I ate was a small piece of chicken breast. I had a lot of veggies and a salad with light dressing. The only dessert I had was a piece of sugar free coconut cream pie. It fe... Sun, 9 Mar 2014 19:56:32 EST A More Serious Wake-Up Call... So, these last couple of weeks (okay, more like three or four) I've been having some stomach pains nausea, and in particular, pain on my right-hand side just below my rib cage. <BR> Because I FINALLY got health care, I decided to go to the doctor so he could check it out, and also so I could get some blood work done and make sure that everything was still fine. It had been over a year since I had gotten any kind of physical, so it was necessary, especially with the recent weight gain, to che... Mon, 3 Mar 2014 17:45:56 EST Woah, is the month already almost over!? Wow. I cannot believe it's been so long since I've posted here. <BR> I have fallen and gotten back up so many times it's not even funny. The good news is that since the 16th, I have consistently tracked all my food, and have made more of an effort to exercise. I actually bought a PolarFt4 to track my heart rate and calories burned. I love that it's more accurate because many of the machines and things over estimate, or way underestimate how many calories are burned during each workout. I fee... Mon, 24 Feb 2014 23:58:03 EST Well, No Help There... Yesterday my sister, my brother, my mom, and I went to the gym. I had a good workout, and I finally started feeling better after having coped with food for the stress that I'm experiencing because of school. On the way home, we were talking and I said that I just had to stop eating all this garbage. It is something that I completely struggle with, and I knew that at least telling them about it would not only give them a heads up, but it would also help me stay accountable-at least a little, t... Sat, 1 Feb 2014 14:15:35 EST Unexpected source of Motivation Since my fiance and I have moved back home, we have been hanging out with my brothers a lot more. They have a lot of interesting ideas for things to do that Adam and i normally wouldn't have done on our own, and since we are saving a ton of money, we do have some extra money to do those fun things on our days off. <BR> Last Thursday and the Thursday before, we went to Sky High, which is a basically a warehouse of trampolines! That was a lot of fun. I didn't realize how many muscles you use j... Sun, 19 Jan 2014 09:55:49 EST Back We've been living with my parents for about a month now. I will definitely say that I struggle with a lot being there. We decided to forgo the storage unit, and we donated a lot of the furniture we had, and will be selling our washer and dryer. The rest can be stored in boxes in my parents' garage. We decided that it was ridiculous to spend money storing items that we obtained for free, or nearly free. It will give us a chance to save some money too. <BR> <BR> The whole eating right and ex... Tue, 14 Jan 2014 13:26:41 EST Big Changes for 2014 So after much thought, it was decided that Adam and I won't be able to afford to live on our own at the rental house. Instead, what we will have to do is move back into my parents' house. We are going to put in our 30-day notice on Monday. I'm actually relieved. If we chose to stay, we would only have $200.00 to last for 3 months to buy food, and that doesn't even include the cost of books. Luckily, I only have to buy one book this term, and it will be only $35.00 to rent from a website, but ... Sat, 28 Dec 2013 20:39:23 EST Wake Up Call I feel a lot better knowing my grades now. I got 4 A's and an A-! I am especially happy knowing I have only 2 more terms left. That's 20 more weeks of school! Then I'm DONE! <BR> I have been at my parents' house since last Thursday. We don't have a lot of money to be going back and forth, so Adam and I have been staying at my parents' house, and we will be here until the day after Christmas. In the mean time, I have been eating SO much x.x I feel awful. I wrote everything down. From the 14th... Thu, 19 Dec 2013 22:08:13 EST It Hasn't Even Been A Week... I have been done with school for 5 whole days. I'm already depressed and anxious, and I want this break to be over. Another vacation time where I can't actually afford to take a vacation. I'm starting to wonder if things will ever actually start looking up. Once again, I'm on another break where I have nothing to do, and not even a part time job to keep me busy and to provide extra income. I basically wake up, and look forward to going back to bed because that's another day closer to startin... Tue, 17 Dec 2013 16:20:29 EST "Day 1" How many times have I said "day 1"? I guess it doesn't really matter, because somewhere, some day, down the line, I will be repeating that same thing. It may not be weight-loss related, but it will be something worth mentioning, some "first day of the rest of your life" feeling. <BR> <BR> Today, in spite of the fact that I REALLY didn't want to, I got up, got dressed and went to the gym with my sister. I ran a 5K, and then did 30 minutes on the stationary bike. I came home, had some health... Sun, 15 Dec 2013 02:13:16 EST Definitely Not Waiting Until the New Year! I have been tracking my food and actually trying to eat within range since about the end of October. I have lost 9 pounds after being my highest weight this year. It was enough to scare me because it made me realize how close to 300 pounds I was!! I didn't track over the holiday weekend (visiting family and whatnot), but I started tracking again on the first. I ate waaay over, but the important thing was I tracked it. I also didn't go to the gym on Sunday. That's okay though because I was st... Tue, 3 Dec 2013 03:19:27 EST Major Decision Hello everyone! I just finished week 7 of fall term! After this term, I'll have two more terms, or approximately 20 weeks of school left until I graduate. SO EXCITING! <BR> I wanted to go the route of law school after I earn my BA, but I have this really strong feeling that I should find a job first, and then later on, if I want to pursue law school, I will then. <BR> <BR> I am actually relieved to make that decision. My fiance is still going to apply, but that was his plan form day one. I ... Fri, 15 Nov 2013 23:48:22 EST Huge Milestone Today! I went for a jog today. I decided to see if I could jog five miles nonstop still (It had been a long time, and to my recent memory, the furthest I could go was 4 miles nonstop) I ended up jogging a route and by the time I got closer to my house, I had already jogged about 7 and 3/4 miles. I was already quite surprised that I had gone that far. I realized that if I could just jog a lit bit further, I would finally be able to make 10. So, I ended up finishing on the school track. It took me ni... Sun, 20 Oct 2013 21:56:14 EST Trying to make a plan Things have been going alright. That is, exercise wise. I struggle with eating-as do most people on this website. I can't seem to get this idea out of my head that I somehow 'deserve' to eat what I do, justifying it with stress from school, and the upcoming entrance paperwork for law school. Most days, I've been able to exercise enough to outweigh the high calories of the food. Others, not so much. <BR> I have been spending about 2 hours there 3 days out of the week. I have been going swimmi... Sun, 13 Oct 2013 11:43:54 EST Week Check-in Last Monday I started going to the gym again. It's SO NICE to have access to a gym again! I have already spent so much time there. I plan on spending much more. One thing I am going to do differently however, is use the pool more. I have already gone twice, which is more than I had used it last year already. I wish I had been using it sooner. I guess I wasn't as confident in my body as I thought. I finally just told myself to get over it. I'm there to exercise, no one is going to look glamoro... Sun, 6 Oct 2013 17:49:27 EST Last day of vacation! Tomorrow I will begin my last fall term at Western Oregon University. I am excited and nervous. <BR> I am also really happy because for the FIRST time in the last 5 years that I've been consciously aware of my health, and trying to do something about it the right way, Adam is FINALLY on board! I never tried to push him. The most I did was beg him to go for a walk here and there with me. Now? He wants to stop eating the junk, and he wants to get healthy before we graduate, and definitely befo... Sun, 29 Sep 2013 11:25:22 EST Definitely Time to Reset I feel like I have been neglecting this website, more importantly, my body! I had been staying with my parents most of the summer because I was working full time at the retirement home again doing housekeeping. I didn't want to have to drive 15 miles at 6:00 in the morning when they only live about a mile away. We had opportunities to come back home for some weekends, but now I'm home permanently. school will be starting on the 30th, and I wanted to get home and settled. I am really excited t... Tue, 17 Sep 2013 02:19:16 EST Last Day as a 26 Year-Old Tomorrow is my 27th birthday. I know a lot of women are afraid to announce their ages, but to be honest, I'm really happy because a lot of people for some reason seem to think that I'm 20 years old or so. <BR> I have been working full time since July 15th. I plan on making September 13th my last day there. I don't mind cleaning rooms, and my boss has been awesome, but I just don't think with my workload at school that I will be able to accommodate a job on top of it-even if it's only part-ti... Wed, 21 Aug 2013 20:06:27 EST Adjusting to the work week I started my first day of work last Monday. My days start at 6:30 in the morning, which is fine because I'm totally a morning person! Plus, it's nice to get my work out of the way and have the afternoon off. I had done pretty much the same thing last summer, so I already knew what to do. I had a small amount of training, and then I was out on my own. I like it a lot better because they put me in a different building and rather than cleaning the same rooms every day, I'm cleaning different roo... Sat, 20 Jul 2013 11:17:23 EST Attitude Check. Since I've written my last blog entry, I hit a mini "rock bottom" so to speak, and I have turned my attitude around. I had been slipping again-basically, just eating whatever and treating my stay here as a vacation-including a vacation from tracking my food!. I was hanging out with my sisters and a family friend on Tuesday. We ended up going out to eat-even though I had already eaten dinner before I came over! <BR> <BR> This family friend used to be my eating buddy-before I finally decided ... Fri, 12 Jul 2013 21:16:57 EST blah I have been at my parents' house for almost a week. The main reason for this is because I got a call from a job. They had full time work for me, so once I get my first paycheck, I'll be able to buy a car and commute. I sent in background check paperwork last Tuesday, and I'm hoping they'll call me back next week sometime. It's been nice to not have anything to do, but at the same time, not knowing exactly when I'll start working has me a little anxious. I'm sure things will turn out for the b... Sat, 6 Jul 2013 18:04:52 EST Saying "no" to the gym this summer I've decided that I don't want to use the gym this summer. It will cost $65.00 and sure, I use the cardio equipment and the weights, but I can use my own bike, and go for walks and jog on my own. I can do body weight exercises and watch youtube videos and stuff here at home. I had to really think about it, and I decided that I can do it without the gym. There are plenty of people who are successful and never set foot in a gym. I've lost weight before without a gym. <BR> <BR> I got my grades ... Mon, 24 Jun 2013 19:10:05 EST Almost at the End This is week 10 of school for me. I've got a Spanish test today, the Spanish final tomorrow, and two writing assignments that are due Monday. I'm really excited about the fact that I am so close to being done. <BR> <BR> Last Saturday, I went and visited family. Adam and I ended up going to Carl's Jr. with his parents. I allowed myself a cheeseburger and a shake (no fries) and I have to say it was pretty delicious. I was going to get the Big Carl, but then I realized that I didn't want to do... Wed, 5 Jun 2013 09:32:53 EST So Soon for June! I can't believe that I've managed to stick to my goal for an entire month! I've watched as Adam and others in my family enjoyed cake, pastries, and crackers in front of me. It's gotten so much easier, and I have to be honest, I want to keep this up. Those foods that they ate earlier times this month are long forgotten. I didn't really feel like I was missing much. I'm sure I'll eventually 'crack' and have a piece of cake or a cookie or something, but really, right now, I don't feel the desire... Sat, 1 Jun 2013 00:54:15 EST Halfway Through the Month I honestly am not sure if I'd be able to 'last' this long, but it has now been 16 days of complete success of avoiding white breads and starches. It's been hard at times, but honestly, once I set it in my mind that I don't want any of those foods, it's easier. I know that Sparkpeople doesn't endorse eliminating foods, but this has helped me so much. Those foods are NOT healthy, and I'm actually not depriving myself because I still allow myself treats-just healthier ones. I am seriously thinki... Sat, 18 May 2013 12:01:54 EST It's Been.... One Week! I am amazed at how quickly one week has gone by! Just like that, one day of success has turned to 2, and 3, and so on. I have noticed one major change: I just FEEL so much better! I honestly didn't think I'd even last this long, but I am finding that the desire to reach the goal outweighs the desire to eat the food. It makes it so much easier too. I don't feel like I'm depriving myself because Dark chocolate has helped me so much when I'm craving something sweet. I also allow myself ice cream... Thu, 9 May 2013 15:00:24 EST (To the tune of Nsync) It's gonna be May! This month has had many ups and downs for me. The ups: I've been keeping up with my school work, and I have been able to consistently earn good grades on the assignments that I have been doing. I also have been able to exercise regularly. I do feel some parts of me getting strong. I have gotten to a point where I can jog at a 10 minute mile speed, though at the moment, I can't go more than about 7 or 8 minutes at a time. I used to not even be able to go that fast at all! I thought level 5 on ... Tue, 30 Apr 2013 10:27:13 EST Excited In order for me to graduate, I have to conduct a research project which I will be working on all of next year. It will consist of taking a sociological issue of my choosing, creating a research question, and conducting my own research. My absolute final project will involve me presenting my findings in front of an audience (think "TED Talks" Jr.) <BR> <BR> I have known for a while that I wanted to do something with the topic of obesity. There's not a lot of sociological research out there, ... Thu, 18 Apr 2013 10:37:59 EST Hopes and Plans I went to the gym for the first time in a week. To be honest, I really didn't want to go this morning, but I forced myself to do it because I knew I'd feel better once I did. I also gently reminded myself that it's only going to get harder if I wait longer. I had also eaten very terribly yesterday, so I had that on my mind. <BR> <BR> I made a motivational chart. Basically, it consists of every Monday beginning April 8th, and has 44 squares, so I have every Monday until February 3rd, 2014. Th... Sun, 14 Apr 2013 16:52:35 EST This might be my body punishing me...Or a Wake-up Call Yesterday I ate a party pizza with a side of cheese pleeser's (they're off brand cheese puffs) for lunch. I'll admit it. I eat those things still. I probably shouldn't but I did. I was still within calorie range, so that was good, and I had eaten a healthy breakfast, and I was intending to have a healthy dinner. It would have been fine. That was around 1:00 when I came home from school. <BR> Fast forward to about 2:00 when I'm in my last class, and my stomach started hurting. It felt like my... Tue, 9 Apr 2013 13:40:05 EST Spring Break On Sunday, I went to my grandma's house. I stayed the night, and then went to my parents' house. I've been there since, and I'm not really sure how long I'm going to stay, but I'm enjoying my time. I have been writing down all of my intake, but the totals haven't been pretty. I don't mind though. I am where I want to be for now. I just want to enjoy myself I'm still exercising, so I'm really not too upset about it. <BR> I tried Zumba for the first time yesterday with my sister. It was a lot ... Wed, 27 Mar 2013 01:09:15 EST Adding Another Element So, like I said, I reset my page last Sunday. I made a vow to write down EVERYTHING regardless of the damage. It hasn't been pretty, but I still see this as progress because I'm writing it down as opposed to not writing it down. I finished my final paper yesterday, and all I have left to do is turn it in today before 4pm. I haven't been drinking enough water these last few days either, and it is taking a toll on my body. I'm holding water, and I've been waking up with a headache, and my mouth... Fri, 22 Mar 2013 11:01:47 EST First day of Spring! yay! I reset my page again last Sunday-hopefully for the last freakin' time. I had been inconsistent with my tracking, and 'forgetting', to track foods. The reality is that I didn't wan to see the totals of my intake values. On Sunday I made a commitment to myself to record everything I eat-ALL OF IT, no matter what the damage. If I'm going to eat it, I'm going to hold myself accountable and know the numbers. Over the last 3 days, my average intake has been about 4-5000 calories. Not a happy numb... Wed, 20 Mar 2013 18:50:58 EST Important Realities I have been living around my weight loss and education. I have been so focused on those two things that I haven't been doing anything else. I realize that I go to school, or I go to the gym, and then it's like any time between that is just waiting until I have the opportunity to do it again. That's not living! The boredom I feel in between is spent sitting around watching television, surfing the net, or more recently, those two PLUS eating. <BR> I realized that I felt like weight loss and be... Thu, 14 Mar 2013 15:23:49 EST Wake Up Call I ate SO terribly yesterday and into the night. I am so ashamed of myself, and I'm so upset because we're already almost halfway through March and I have yet to get truly 'back on track'. My stomach hurt SO terribly. I drank so much soda-and not even the 'diet' kind (not that it would have made it any better). <BR> I feel that the combination of the pain I felt last night (stomach ache+gas/bloating) combined with the fact that I'm not done yet is causing me to realize what is important. I st... Tue, 12 Mar 2013 15:09:01 EST Not Again So, after being back on track for about 9 days I had a super binge on the 28th, and then ate within range on the first and second, and then since the 3rd, I have been eating crap as well as eating over my calorie range. I still have a calorie differential, as I'm still exercising, but if anything, I'm just exercising enough to maintain. <BR> I'm also happy because what I am maintaining is lower than what I was maintaining before. I'm getting seriously pissed off with myself. I'm jealous of ... Wed, 6 Mar 2013 17:20:23 EST Wow. Today is day 9 of me being 'back on track'. I am so incredibly happy. I'm back to the lowest weight I have ever been as an adult. The last time I was here it was 2011, and when I reached this point, I was already kind of burnt out, and I also kind of freaked out because of the changes that were happening with my body. Now, I have a more positive outlook. I feel like this is really going to happen. I don't like saying 'this time' because it implies that there's an 'on' and 'off' time. This is ... Tue, 26 Feb 2013 14:36:21 EST New outlook, new goals, new struggles. I feel really good today. I have managed to eat within calorie range today being the fourth day in a row. It's a small start, but it's a start. I was writing an exam today, and normally when I procrastinate, I find something to eat. That actually didn't happen today! I had a cup of tea, sat my butt down in the chair, and just did my assignment. I'm not as stressed out for some reason. Maybe it's because tomorrow is Friday, and I don't have a ton of homework for this weekend. I hope that I can... Fri, 22 Feb 2013 02:00:45 EST And now the food portion... Ever since I can remember, my family used food as a reward. Being that my dad is a school teacher, and it was his salary alone that supported 7 people (my mom's a home maker), we were always taken care of, but it was like the only way we were ever rewarded was with food. <BR> I remember my dad bribing me to do a talent show with soda. If we were good at church, we got to go to McDonald's for lunch-though we never each got meals, it would just be a burger, or a burrito at Taco bell. After ban... Sun, 17 Feb 2013 04:01:38 EST