SPASTASTIC's SparkPeople Blog SPASTASTIC's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community My Spark will find the way. <BR> Weight loss is hard. It is even harder when you've slipped and plunged back down the mountainside when you felt for certain you were soon going to stand atop it in victory. Fortunately, I was able to grab hold before I reached the bottom, but I nonetheless felt bruised and defeated, ashamed that I lost my footing. I hung there for months, knowing that sliding down further was unacceptable, but lacking the willpower to reclimb. I was miserable, twisting in the wind, helpless and in th... Sun, 18 May 2014 23:09:03 EST Climbing back on the wagon in time for the holidays. Hey everyone! I know I haven't been around lately and I aim to remedy that. I hope you have been well and reaching your goals! <BR> <BR> Since my last blog in the summer I actually fell off the wagon and regained weight. Uuuugh. I'm not gunna let it derail me completely though! Normally through the holiday season I sadly gain 15 pounds I lose again in the new year, but since I already gained that I am terrified of gaining more. There is zero way that I can let that happen and so I am r... Thu, 14 Nov 2013 16:57:48 EST Turning 30. <BR> Tomorrow I turn 30. Whooooooa. It's hard to believe it. I don't feel 30. I don't look 30. But... I am! Lol. I'm not going to be one of those "waaaaah!!" type of girls and whine about getting older. After all, turning 30 is a gift denied to so many that went before their time. I think of my friend Mike that passed away two years ago and would be having his 30th in two months, my cousin Mandy that passed at the age of 16 from cancer, and my childhood friend Angel that died from a... Tue, 3 Sep 2013 17:54:00 EST Woooot. Oh my goooosh, I did 30 mins tonight on the elliptical! I've had a hate-hate relationship with the machine and have only done at the most ten minutes on it before deciding to move to a different machine, but tonight I decided that I really needed to challenge myself and pushed onward. I stopped twice to wipe my brow and get a swig from my water bottle but that's it. My feet and calves were on fire, especially since I did 30 mins on the treadmill before for c25k. But I am really happy. =)... Tue, 23 Jul 2013 22:53:49 EST Pizza! Last week I started the gym and now I am going to focus on eating better again. =) I hit the grocery store and have everything I need to make my meals a success. It's been so great getting back into the swing of things! I actually gained weight since my last weigh in but I know it is just water and everything so I'm not concerned. It'll come back off. <BR> <BR> Soooo..... I love pizza. But I don't love the bread carbs! I hit SparkRecipes for ways to get my pizza fix but in a healthier... Mon, 22 Jul 2013 13:48:25 EST Feeling great. Hey guys! <BR> <BR> Soooo, I did three days of the gym this week! I am so glad that me and my friend decided to go. It has gotten a lot better and I don't feel too nervous going there now that I am more familiar with the place. We're not going back until Sunday but I plan to use my home gym until then. Tonight we just focused on cardio. I did a half hour on the treadmill, 20 mins on the bike, and I tried the elliptical and managed 10 minutes. I want to increase it to 15 and then 20. ... Wed, 17 Jul 2013 23:43:22 EST First day at the gym! Well, I went to Planet Fitness for the first time! I was really nervous and scared about going but it wasn't bad at all. I noticed people from all different sizes and it was just really nice. I didn't feel out of place or anything. My best friend Becki was really happy with it too and it was great seeing her feeling good about herself. =) She was even more nervous than me going in because in the parking lot her hands were shaking. lol She said the nerves just hit her all at once when ... Tue, 16 Jul 2013 02:43:07 EST Gym! So this summer has been a struggle for me. I backslid and have had trouble getting back to where I need to be mentally to lose weight. I've still come on Spark every day to spin the wheel but besides that I haven't done much. I dropped out of my summer challenge and everything! Bah! <BR> <BR> I really feel like I need something significant to help me get onto track again. That I need more accountability because right now I cannot trust myself to work out every day on my own even tho I ... Sun, 14 Jul 2013 13:12:18 EST Woo, workout room done. My workout room was a total mess. Everything was out of place, Christmas boxes were stacked up, and the dust bunnies were fruitful and multiplied. lol. It was unpleasant to exercise in there because I was so cramped and I was never looking forward to being in there. I finally got a basic weight bench at the flea market this weekend and decided I needed to get everything in order so I could enjoy the workout room again. The Christmas boxes were taken up to the attic closet, equipment was ... Mon, 29 Apr 2013 19:20:57 EST Salad ripoff. <BR> So for lunch I had a healthy meal and then my father and uncle came in from work and asked me if I wanted something from this local takeout place called Chicken Shack. It is not a healthy place at all. I declined but they were like "Get a salad!!" Lol. I knew a salad from there would be prolly be crappy and didn't want to waste the money but I said okay to shut them up. <BR> <BR> I was right. The "salad" was terrible. <BR> <BR> Half a hard boiled egg, a couple slices of an unim... Wed, 10 Apr 2013 13:22:58 EST Battling temptation. Thanks for all the replies on my last blog about struggling. I've continued to struggle since but things are getting better. TOM is finally over and the fatigue is lifting, and I am back in control of my eating. I am not caving to my cravings. I am not giving into the temptations anymore...I am not losing this war even if the battles temporarily make me lose some ground. I will not go whimpering back to 328 pounds. I will not. I WILL NOT!!! <BR> <BR> I am not kidding when I tell you ... Mon, 8 Apr 2013 20:50:53 EST Struggling I've been struggling since the weekend and being sick. I've binged, been emotional, bloated up (I'm talking a 9 pound weight gain in one day when normally my fluctuations are like 3-4 pounds) and got my period a week early. I just feel like I am in a funk and am sad because I was just on such a high on Friday when reaching my mini goal. I know the scale isn't going to be kind to me Friday for my official weigh in and I need to accept it and keep going (or rolling, considering how bloated ... Wed, 3 Apr 2013 23:39:39 EST Happy Easter!! Yesterday I binged on junk food. With my meals and the added junk I ate over 2000 calories. Today is going to be a high calorie day too but I am not going to eat any junk food. I decided that as soon as I woke up it was going to be a better day and that Monday will be completely back to my normal healthy way. So far so good. =) <BR> <BR> When I woke up I looked outside and saw that it was going to rain so I immediately got dressed and took my dogs for a walk with my mother to try and ... Sun, 31 Mar 2013 14:25:57 EST A new low! :) Omgosh, I'm so happy. I lost two pounds this week. I am at 237- this means I lost the 14 pounds I gained over the holiday season last year, plus a pound more which beats my previous lowest weight. 15 pounds lost so far this year! I really wasn't expecting more than a pound loss this week because I've been under the weather and missed two workouts, but I stayed true to my meal and snack choices, implemented more fruits and veggies, and got my water. <BR> <BR> It is so nice having real... Fri, 29 Mar 2013 13:34:51 EST Spring Challenge This blog is for my spring challenge team, Bouncing Apple Blossoms. (Though in my head I always call it Bouncing Apple Bottoms. Hahah - darn that song! ) <BR> <BR> During the challenge I want to get into the 220s and reach my 100 pounds lost milestone. I would love to drop a clothing size and feel more confident when it is time to try on new bathing suits in May. It is also a goal to remain committed to the weekly challenges and not lose interest or be discouraged by any possible setbac... Tue, 26 Mar 2013 12:50:38 EST Ready for the week! I went to the grocery store today to shop for the week ahead. I got all my veggies and fruits and now I feel prepared. =) <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Oh gosh, I checked out a new grocery store called Harris Teeter that opened up in a ritzy area not too far away. The prices were sooooo high. I just walked around it and then left to go to my normal grocery store. I'm sorry, I'm not paying almost 5 dollars for a loaf of bread. ... Sun, 24 Mar 2013 18:01:45 EST New shoes - finally! Yaaay! Finally got my running shoes after taking the other ones back since they hurt my feet. These are sooo comfortable. They cost about twenty dollars more than the other pair which sucks but I like them. I always get the plain boring white shoes but this time I went for color. The pair I took back were grey and purple which I loved, but this pair is pink, yellow, and black so I think they are cute too. =) Might as well jog in style. lol. <BR> <BR> Here is a pic I found online of t... Sat, 23 Mar 2013 20:08:25 EST A year of Spark. Current login SparkStreak: 365 Days <BR> <BR> Yay! <BR> <BR> I challenged myself to have a year of Spark, no matter what. If I fell off the wagon (which I did between Sept-Dec and regained 14 pounds) I still had to come onto the site and spin that wheel. I knew I could do that at the very least. Spark is such a big motivation for me and I knew that if I came here during my bad days as well as a good days that I would be inspired to get back on track. And I was! It really worked out fo... Mon, 18 Mar 2013 13:29:55 EST Happy Saint Patrick's! <em>137</em> <em>440</em> <em>441</em> <em>437</em> <em>438</em> <em>441</em> <BR> <BR> I joined a spring challenge here on spark and am looking forward to taking part in it. I've done them before and always started off strong but fizzled out at the end. Sadly it seems the case for most people but I'm really going to try and stick with it. Starting weights were due by Friday which is awesome because that is the day I always weigh in on anyway. It figures that when I w... Sat, 16 Mar 2013 23:38:05 EST How far I've come! Just something I wanted to share. <BR> <BR> The other day I was doing my measurements and I saw in my weight loss folder a paper where I had my measurements from when I was 315 pounds. (Highest weight was 328) My abdomen was 61 inches. 61!! I've always carried a lot of my weight in my mid section sadly. I took my tape measure and put it around me to see what 61 inches looked like and you know what? My tape measure only went to 60 inches. I stood there speechless for a long moment and ... Fri, 8 Mar 2013 20:53:48 EST A new month! I didn't lose any weight this week and so my total pounds lost this year remains at 10. 6 in January and 4 in February. My losing goal will remain 6 pounds a month. I'm not worried about not reaching it this time because it was a short month and I've been doing strength training more so I am building muscle. I measured today too and I lost over an inch on my waist this month. Whooooa! So happy about that! I also know today's weigh in wasn't exactly accurate because I wasn't able to u... Fri, 1 Mar 2013 14:12:36 EST Tomorrow will be better. I ate really poorly today. I had half a donut for breakfast and Chinese food for dinner. I overate and cannot even count my calories. Now I am bloated and have heartburn. Uuugggggh. The last time I ate so much and was unable to count calories was at my cousin's baby shower in early January, so I am not gunna beat myself up about it. I do allow myself a cheat meal each week, but I am not going to make a habit of this kind of cheat. Plus side is that I said no to the rice and ate mostly ... Sun, 24 Feb 2013 02:45:14 EST Ruby-lite of the week. Thanks to my Ruby team members for leaving me comments and goodies. It was such a nice surprise to be named Ruby-Lite of the week and it means a lot to me. =) <BR> <BR> Sooo, I weighed in a day early and I am at ten pounds lost so far this year! Four to go until I am back at my lowest weight. I am soooo not going to allow myself to pack on holiday pounds this year. Lol. I know it seems way early to think about it, but I didn't realize that it would be so tough to get the weight back off. W... Thu, 21 Feb 2013 17:25:32 EST I made my pets fat. It's true. My dogs are overweight and it is partially my fault. I showered them with love by giving them extra treats, giving some of my food off my plate, giving them meal leftovers, constantly refilling their kibble bowls for them to graze on, etc. And they got the same from my parents as well. And to add to the overfeeding they wouldn't get exercised properly. Oh, they'd run outside in the yard and play, etc, but it's not enough to burn off all those calories they feasted upon. A few... Wed, 20 Feb 2013 00:10:39 EST Figting food temptations thrown at me. Last night while I was on the treadmill my mother came into the room to ask me if I wanted fast food for dinner. Like.. really? I looked down and saw how close I was to my 5k goal and promptly told her no thanks. She said she understood it would be counteractive to my efforts but it annoyed me she even asked. Then tonight my father brought home pizza at 9pm, after we've already had dinner. I've really wanted pizza this week but behaved. If I had known he was going to stop and get it I ... Sat, 16 Feb 2013 21:46:39 EST 5k and changing my goals. Today I walked/jogged a 5k. I had the idea to do it before I got on the treadmill, but I told myself that I was just pushing for two miles today and that I'd be happy with that. It's been a long time since I did 5k and I was worried that I didn't have it in me yet to do another since I just got back to doing the treadmill a few weeks ago. But then I kept going after I hit my 2 mile goal. I was really feeling that last mile. My legs were rubbery and numb, my feet were on fire. lol. But ... Fri, 15 Feb 2013 23:32:53 EST Lost a pound and NSVs. I lost one pound this week. =) I know I said I want to lose two a week but I am taking other things into consideration. I started strength training last week and I am certain that I am building muscle. Instead of the scale I am focusing on NSVs. My pair of slim leg jeans that I had set aside are actually fitting me and I can button and zipper them. And today I tried on a Doctor Who T-shirt I got for Christmas that was too small and it went on without me feeling like I was gunna rip and b... Fri, 25 Jan 2013 15:23:00 EST 2 pounds lost, woooot! Yaaaay! I reached my goal of two pounds lost this week. That is the number I am shooting for each week. 2 pounds a week for a whole year in 104 pounds! Doesn't seem like such a small bit of weight after realizing that. =) So far I've lost 5 this month. I have 9 more pounds to go until I am back at my lowest weight. I've been feeling a little impatient to get back there but I know I'll see that number again soon. <BR> <BR> Hmm, what else.. <BR> <BR> Oh! I love eggs and lately hav... Fri, 18 Jan 2013 12:22:44 EST Went to a baby shower. I helped my aunt and mother put together my cousin's baby shower today. There was SO SO SO much food. I was bad today and cannot even count the calories of what I had. A lot of the stuff didn't have nutritional info on it. So, I am not even going to worry about it and just start tomorrow back on track. One day of free eating isn't going to derail me. =) My aunt ended up giving me a pretty purple vase filled with Hershey kisses for helping her with the shower. I worked out that one ki... Sat, 12 Jan 2013 18:40:49 EST Soda, dreams, and scales. I used to be a soda addict. I'd drink a 2 liter bottle a day and sometimes even more. But I made myself stop drinking it like 5+ years ago. I started with switching to diet and then I cut it out completely. The only time I have a soda now is when I am out at a restaurant and I MIGHT order a diet coke or a root beer. I always decline refills. So I probably only have soda about three times a year. Now I drink water and add the calorie free flavor packs. I never find myself missing soda,... Thu, 10 Jan 2013 13:33:03 EST Back on the treadmill! After my foot hurting for a week and me finally complaining about it last night, I woke up and it felt better. Wtf! Haha. I was so happy and was able to get on the treadmill like I wanted. For some reason I started doing the routine I normally did but since it has been months since stepping on the machine that didn't go over well. I was huffing and puffing and at one point needed to pause lest I fall off. I nixed the jogging after that and just kept at a brisk walk. I'll get back to w... Tue, 8 Jan 2013 19:08:22 EST First week of 2013. <BR> Well, it was the first week of the year and it seemed to fly by. I was sick at the beginning of it but am feeling much better now! Though I fell UP the stairs around that time and my foot is still hurting from it. I don't know what the deal is. It doesn't feel broken, but maybe I have a bruised bone? The pain is below my third toe, toward the middle of my foot. I haven't been able to do my treadmill workouts because of it. At least the exercise bike doesn't make it hurt. I hope it... Mon, 7 Jan 2013 22:26:43 EST I'm back. =) Happy New Year everyone! Hope you had a wonderful holiday season! <BR> <BR> I'll get right to it: I didn't reach my goal last year. 2012 was a crap year for me in general, and in fact I gained 14 pounds since August. I'm not proud of it but I am not going to be angry with myself. I made a promise to be kinder to me and I am gunna stick with it. I have my game plan all mapped out and I am going to give it my best. I want to lose 70 pounds in 2013 and I know I can do it. I've lost 90 a... Tue, 1 Jan 2013 21:18:25 EST Feeling guilty after my cheat meal. I had such a bad dinner tonight. Granted, I consider it my cheat meal, but boy do I feel bad. Here is what I had, directly from the menu. <BR> <BR> RANCHERO BURGER ... 8-oz. All-beef burger dipped in our Cajun spice blend, topped with mushrooms, bacon & Cheddar cheese. Served on a Kaiser roll with a touch of Ranch dressing. <BR> <BR> With that I had french fries and gravy, two onions rings, cold slaw, and a pickle slice. <BR> <BR> OMGOSH!! I feel like I pretty much binged. In fact, I... Sat, 11 Aug 2012 19:40:49 EST Fighting the blues and winning. Today I had the blues and really did not want to do anything. Sometimes I get so exhausted from my lifestyle change. Does that sound silly? It isn't like I've taken on everything at once and am overwhelmed by it like newbies to weight loss. I've been making changes for years now and started slowly. First it was cutting out soda, then salt, etc etc, you get the point. I guess I just wished I was at the end of my journey already and was feeling down about how long it seems to be taking. ... Fri, 10 Aug 2012 22:58:51 EST Goodbye forever 240s!!! Wow. I am officially in the 230s. It was a hard road getting out of the 240s but I am so proud that I stuck with my plan even when I wasn't seeing immediate results. I knew that my body would finally break through the major plateau and begin to change! I started p90x to shake things up and though I haven't been able to do it every day it really is an awesome workout and know it has made a difference. I also alternate doing other cardio workouts and am happy that I've been able to add more... Mon, 6 Aug 2012 17:42:45 EST Burst through my plateau! So the scale has finally moved dooooown. It felt like I was stuck at 242-244 and unable to get below it forever! This morning when I stepped on it said I was 241. I even checked it a few times to make sure I wasn't seeing things. lol. I've been really watching my calories and when I wanna have a bad treat I make sure it is counted into my total calories for the day and just not put on as extra. I also have been working out 5-6 times a week and have been sticking to my strength training. ... Thu, 19 Jul 2012 21:24:40 EST Don't think, just do! I have the problem of self doubt even when I am in the middle of a workout and doing awesome. I think things like, "This isn't really going to change anything. I hope I don't slack off after this.. I prolly will... sigh... all this hard work for nothing. How long can I keep up this pace? Can I make it another minute? Another 30 seconds? Another 10 seconds? 3-2-1... Ahhh!" <BR> <BR> Then I very moment I reach whatever my time/rep goal is I am done. I don't consider going for longer... Sun, 8 Jul 2012 21:45:29 EST Summer goals. So in early April I weighed in at 242 (my lowest weight in my whole adult life) and then got off track and regained. I got up around 249 and threw on the brakes because I didn't want to go back after 250 after I fought so much to get under it. I needed to get out of my funk and believe in myself again! I hunkered down and started to eat better and exercise again. So today I weighed in and I am back to 242. =) And I am not going to slack off. I won't meet my goal of being 199 by my birt... Sat, 16 Jun 2012 02:04:10 EST The Biggest Loser game. I got The Biggest Loser game for the Wii as a Christmas gift back in 2010. I tried it once and it was so hard for me and my knees that I gave up halfway through my first workout and didn't touch it again. I hated it that much. lol. Today I came across it and decided to give it another shot. I've been wanting something to shake up my workouts and knew it would be challenging. Well, I opened the file I had back in 2010 just to see where I was at that point in time and saw that I weighed 2... Mon, 14 May 2012 14:56:24 EST Happy Mother's Day! Happy Mother's Day! <BR> <BR> Today I went to Fort McHenry with my mom to have a picnic. Fort McHenry is where Francis Scott Key saw the flag flying after a battle that inspired him to write the Star Spangled Banner. Here is the exact spot where he saw the flag flying. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> And this is me and my mom. It turned out to be a really hot day. <BR> <BR> <img src=" Sun, 13 May 2012 20:07:18 EST Diet nightmare. So I had a dream I was standing in my kitchen preparing kale chips and talking to someone about my health goals. I was so excited about them and feeling proud. Then I looked down and my kale chips turned into hot dogs on buns with cheese oozing out of them. I froze and said, "How am I going to reach my goals eating this?!?" I felt despair because I knew I was gunna end up eating the hot dogs. Then I woke up. Like wtf?! I just thought it was a crazy dream to have and it is one I am g... Thu, 10 May 2012 17:01:28 EST Dentist visit. Today I went to the dentist and got a root canal. I had to pay out of pocket because I don't have insurance, and it really sucked having to dip into my savings. 2k for the root canal and crown I will get in June. Ugh. =( And I still have more work that I need done like a deep cleaning but that is another 1k. If I don't my teeth will be in trouble in the future because of gum disease. I have a nice smile and would hate to lose it. =( I really need to find work and get benefits becaus... Tue, 1 May 2012 21:23:35 EST I binged. :( I caved and ate a lot of carbs. Bread, chips, crackers.. Ugh! It feels like I lost my mind for a short time and just attacked my kitchen. I wasn't even hungry! I think I was feeling deprived, trying to keep myself away from those things even when others bring them into the house and sit them on the main counter. It's frustrating that I lost control when for so long I was strong. I know the scale is gunna jump so I am thinking of just staying away from it and not sneak in a peek every m... Fri, 27 Apr 2012 14:20:48 EST Only a pound. <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Tue, 24 Apr 2012 20:16:45 EST Pep talking myself. Laziness is not an option. Ignorance is not an option. If I want to be healthy and happy, I need to be active and I need to continue to educate myself. I cannot be passive. When my journey hits bumps in the road I need to have faith that my efforts are not in vain and I will reach my destination. When living for the moment is hard and I feel weak, live for my future. Fight the doubt. Don't think of what I could've done, think of what I can do. Think of what I will do. Think of suc... Wed, 18 Apr 2012 14:01:37 EST 244 again! Back in December I got to 244 and then fell off the wagon. The holidays made me lazy and then I was so depressed about falling that I didn't put a real effort to get back into the swing of things. March came and I got on the scale to see I had gained 8 pounds. Getting back into the 250s after I fought so hard to get out of them was a tough pill to swallow! I was disappointed in myself. I knew I had to take action and that if I didn't get back to treating my body better that it would onl... Fri, 13 Apr 2012 12:48:16 EST Improving my timed mile. So yesterday I did a mile in 16:58 seconds. My goal was get a mile in under 17 mins. Cut it close, didn't I? lol. I am really happy with that number though. It's my fastest time yet! When I first started, I walked a mile in 24 mins. Back in October I was thrilled that I did a mile in 19 mins, making it under 20 mins for the first time since I was a teen. It's great knowing I shaved off even more time. I am working toward a 15 minute mile and I know with the weight coming off and the... Fri, 6 Apr 2012 20:30:27 EST Inactive Spark friends, part II. And some other stuff. Thanks everyone for your comments about how to handle inactive friends. I decided it would be best to keep them on my list with the hope that one day they return to Spark. I even sent messages and comments to some of them, asking how they are and that I hope to see them around again! I remember reading a success story about how a girl had given up on Spark but she returned after getting a message, and she really stuck with it and reached her goals. If I can give someone a nudge towards t... Thu, 5 Apr 2012 13:03:34 EST Inactive Spark friends. I've been a member of Sparkpeople since Feb 2008 (wow!) and over that time I have added about 100 people as friends. I notice though that the majority of them have not been active in a year or even longer. I feel bad that they've likely fallen off the wagon and are up to their unhealthy ways (though I really pray they are just reaching their goals without the help from the site!). I sometimes think about deleting some of them because my list feels cluttered but I feel bad, like I am giving... Wed, 4 Apr 2012 21:09:12 EST