SPARKMYWAY47's SparkPeople Blog SPARKMYWAY47's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Still not giving up. One day i will overcome this, one day i will eat only good foods and no processed. I know i have always felt better when I have. The key is to be prepared, and this year I want to make a few freezer meals and practice one trip, no seconds. Just a few little changes here and there. Tomorrow im going to clean around the house and put on a nice dinner, get this house smelling nice. October is my favorite time of the year, beautiful squash, cornstalks, pumpkins. Been a busy day, cleaning o... Wed, 8 Oct 2014 02:09:05 EST When am i going to learn! Here i am again, back here and i have not changed anything, im eating to the point of sick. How sick is that? I have ate so much junk food, without hinking, just eating blindly that my stomach is really off, i just had to take some baking soda and water. I have gained alot more weight! What is the matter with me, what makes me gorge myself with food, i feel like a drug addict. I have not been able to turn anything arou d, alot of wishing thinking but thats it. What in the hell is the m... Tue, 7 Oct 2014 02:14:06 EST A new day with a greatful attitude Well after my food dilemma the last two days, im am feeling the after ffects of it today. You know the old saying, what you eat today, you will be wearing tomorrow. My whole body feels swollen up plus my face, also to having my cpap mask on to tight, the bridge of my nose and my eyes are puffy, makes me feel like its hard to keep my eyes open. I have only got myself to blame, thats where sheer gluttony will bring you. So today is amother day, i am drinking water, lots of it today :) <BR> ... Sun, 23 Feb 2014 12:00:00 EST What a past few days! Attended both wakes yesterday for my cousin Angel. Beautiful, many wonderful tributes and the place was packed. She touched alot of lives. <BR> <BR> Between the wakes i have this bright idea for my son and i too meet the dh at Dar's Place for dinner. Mind you i had the intention of asking for a to go box with my order but did not. I was going to put exactly one half in box for lunch next day. Because i chose not, i ate a huge bacon chicken ranch sandwhich on grilled sour dough bread wit... Sat, 22 Feb 2014 20:15:29 EST Very contently tired after a constructive day. Today has been great. I must not have had any leaks on my sleep apnea machine because after two good days of sleep I had alot of good energy. i have cleaned the house, mopped the floors, got all the laundry done and whipped together a crock of spaghetti with a side salad, NO BREAD either. I sit here tonight feeling pretty good about things today. <BR> <BR> Stripped down alot of shirts i picked up at the thrift store down the road to cut and tie into strips and then crochet the material i... Thu, 20 Feb 2014 19:11:41 EST a good day for making good decisions. Thank you everyone for the comments on my last blog. This is why sparkpeople is such a good place for support. The community is like no other. <BR> <BR> I went to bed thinking that when I get up Im going to change a few things. Firstly im going to stop thinking diet and major weightloss and anything of the like. I realize i cannot hold myself back from food or stop eating because when I think and try in this frame of mind it just ends up me eating in a major binge. Not good. So I decid... Wed, 19 Feb 2014 08:50:31 EST Still hangin on, I need my sparkfriends! Here I am again back to my sparkfriends. Why i leave i dont understand because all the best support and tools to loose weight and regain health are right here. <BR> <BR> So now it is February 18th and I am now 250 pounds, i have gained weight, ahhhhhhhhhhhh! What is a matter with us people who cannot seem to do it! No one but ourselves is putting the food up to our mouths. It cant get on or in our body unless our very own hands put it there. I would say its obviously a mental problem. ... Tue, 18 Feb 2014 18:39:06 EST ALOT has happened since then Coming back to where i need to be. This week, my significant other of many years, my high school sweetheart have separated, called it quits, we both wanted it but i called it. I could not stay in a dead relationship any more, it felt like i was waiting to die.. Our son is fifteen and he is okay with it, he will stay with his father. He has had enough too. <BR> <BR> Even though i called it quits, i have been severely depressed because it almost feels like suffering a death of someone. An... Mon, 7 Oct 2013 01:35:41 EST Saying hi to everyone Just wanted to say thank you from my last blog letting me know why I can.t watch videos on sparkpeople. If you wouldn't of explained, i would of been forever trying to figure out what i was doing wrong, lol. So thank you, i miss all of you. <BR> <BR> Still stuffed up today, been a home day today, pajama day. No one here but me, fed the dogs, rabbits and the cats, actually made myself get up and take a shower, eat a bowl of beef vegetable soup I made the other day which I have to say was s... Fri, 22 Mar 2013 14:43:01 EST Still hanging in there Here I sit, even though i have not made any dents in the weightloss scale, still determined to never give up. My computer bit the dust, i had to get my ipad, but it does not let me watch everyones videos on sparkpeople for some reason. I dont know when i will be able to vlog again unless i get that old omputer up again. It would be hard taping myself with this big ipad but i may have to try it. I fell off the wagon big time not blogging on sparkpeople. I got hit ith seasonal depression b... Fri, 22 Mar 2013 01:38:28 EST Back to bed Woke up this morning feeling like I was hit by a train, 2nd cup of coffee and still my eyes want to keep closing, cold is gone but what this is I don't know, I wanted to put up blog and pics of the other nights dinner, healthy and really tasty but Craig took off with the car for the day, and my camera is in it. But that blog will still be posted even if it is late. <BR> <BR> My great nephew, my neice and my daughter all just got treated for strep, thank God I did not catch it, mine is jus... Sat, 2 Mar 2013 10:57:00 EST Many small starts eventually lead to change. I was overwelmed in a sweet way of all the support I got from my last vlog and I want to say thankyou to all of you. I have been doing alot of sparking and reading and one thing that keeps standing out is the use of "small changes". Meaning you don't have to be perfect but keep making the effort until it becomes part of the new you, your life, your habits, your style of the way of doing things. So today I am going to incorporate a small change here and there, a vlog I just seen in the past... Thu, 28 Feb 2013 13:40:00 EST Being Human Top Ten Rules for Being Human <BR> <BR> <BR> Rule One - You will receive a body. Whether you love it or hate it, it's yours for life, so accept it. What counts is what's inside. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Rule Two - You will be presented with lessons. Life is a constant learning experience, which every day provides opportunities for you to learn more. These lessons are specific to you, and learning them 'is the key to discovering and fulfilling the meaning and relevance of your own life'.... Wed, 27 Feb 2013 08:35:16 EST If you can't be honest here, why bother? Asking myself alot of deep questions and looking inside for the terrible truth I have somehow let myself believe and think I am. When did I stop loving myself ? When did I start treating myself so terrible. I, somewhere along the path of life must of chosen to base my self worth on the "outside" things instead of concentrating on my inside things. It is time to work on me till I get this right. I have so many things I want to do and sitting on the couch all the time is not one of them. ... Tue, 26 Feb 2013 13:16:18 EST Monday morning at Laura's place A looksey around and our new addition to the family. Mon, 25 Feb 2013 13:00:51 EST Feel like I'm hungover Hopefully I can get myself moving, it is 12;30 in the afternoon already. I took my son Ben and his friend, my neice and her friend and my sister to the movies, the late show last night, ate a box of milk duds, a bag of popcorn and a medium soda. I absolutely felt terrible the whole night! I could not wear my cpap machine, because the possibility of reflux because of eating so late. After the movie, 11 pm or so, we all went late night shopping at Walmart till after midnight. Then had to d... Sat, 23 Feb 2013 13:05:36 EST HUFFIN AND PUFFING AND AWAY WE GO Just getting some more excersize. Fri, 22 Feb 2013 18:20:26 EST Staying accountable today Back in town, another all day shopping day, by myself this time. I had to square away the bus tickets, pic some groceries up, got to make my sons lunch for the next two days of school due to two full days of being prop guy for a play they are practicing for at school. I picked him up some cold meat, swiss cheese wheat rolls and grapes. <BR> <BR> Of course, everytime I go into town and shop, I always have this thing about I have to eat out somewhere. So lately I have been coming to a happy... Wed, 20 Feb 2013 14:52:36 EST I treated myself to some "Spark rewards" When I was out today shopping with my son, I decided to treat myself to something I have been wanting for a while but never spending money on. MAKE UP! Yep, make up. I usually don't wear it but I felt so good today getting ready to go shopping, curling my hair and what not, that I felt like putting on a little color. I don't have any due to my daughter, it seems that some has walked home with her, lol. Been so long since I have worn it, I never noticed. I bought eye shadow, eye liner, fa... Wed, 20 Feb 2013 00:33:48 EST Get that body moving Please excuse a few times when I thought I was video taping my dog Cloe, I am not good at aiming at what I want yet. Good day, Parked away from stores, walked more and did a mall walk. Did Jrecks, 1/2 ham/cheese, lite on mayo/russian, And small soda no refill, made dinner no just water till morning. Yes we can all do it, little steps at a time, get that body moving, even if it is only 5 or 10 minutes at a time, it all adds up. Tue, 19 Feb 2013 18:32:41 EST Get your BUTCRACK off that couch & off computer I am sorry about the crack but I wanted to catch your attention, get that body moving, no matter what it is, movement creates energy. Just do a few minutes, it is better than doing nothing. This was my sons first time being the video man, sorry about all the bouncing around, lol. Mon, 18 Feb 2013 17:14:36 EST Wow another successful Vlog Hi Sparkers, the question is what are you going to do for yourself today, do something, do anything. My big thing today is once I hit the shower I am going to get on my coat and hat, gloves and go walking, it was a few times back and forth to my mailbox, but my driveway is slippery as heck, I forgot Craig had snowblowed a path to one of our small barns across the yard so that is going to be the walk. I am going to try to video cam it, don't know how good it will be, but we will see. Sun, 17 Feb 2013 12:35:34 EST I think I did it Had a heck of a time learning how to use the video cam then downloading the browser into computer, and finally finding the video again to upload it here. Hopefully this will work, cross your fingers, lol. Sat, 16 Feb 2013 23:40:53 EST I did it I did it, my first vlog, now I just got to learn how to download. Okay sparkers, I did my first vlog, hopefully it will be on here before the night is over, my daughter is taking it over to my sisters with my computer and figure it out. My sweet man is taking me out to dinner tonight at the Riverview, just trying to get some stuff done here, packing up that eyesore of a bedroom so my daughter and I can take down the border and patch holes and give it a new makeover. Okay so watch for my vlog, the first one, I want to vlog instead of blog and that way I ca... Sat, 16 Feb 2013 13:57:52 EST Woke up tired, sick of being tired I did pretty good staying on plan yesterday, but I did eat a handful of swedish fish yesterday, but all in all not bad for Valentines Day. And whenever I craved for something sweet, I ate an orage, three in all and a handful of grapes. Mabe that was two much sugar for me and thats why I feel so tired today. I am getting ready to take a shower then go into town. I have to order Craig his new band saw and get the taxes paid today. My daughter is coming to stay for the weekend tomorrow morn... Fri, 15 Feb 2013 10:07:08 EST Made some much needed changes and good decisions. Well I went grocery shopping last night and bought mostly whole foods, no soda and no junk. For my 14 year old son and my guy, I just picked them up a $1.00 box of swedish fish they both like instead of overloading them with chocolate this year for Valentines Day. I told Craig do not get me anything, I bought alot of fruit, oranges, apples and grapes and that is my gift to myself this year. I am getting ready to go to my doctors off to pick up copies of my last two labs because my sisters ... Thu, 14 Feb 2013 14:16:09 EST Too tired to think about it all but I will try. Yesterday my sister n laws three kids were hit by a car while waiting for the bus. All three were taken to a major hospital and I am waiting for the latest word. The oldest daughter who is a senior, had to have her arm pinned and her leg pinned due to breaks, had to have two tranfusions, removed a busted spleen and had a lascerated liver. My teenage nephew had two broken vertebre in his neck, concussion and some broken bones, the youngest neice has a broken collar bone and a concussion, on... Wed, 13 Feb 2013 11:01:04 EST Here we go again Had a few good days, then WHAM! Saturday just began on an all out binge, got invited down the road for a few drinks and dinner at a friends house, a few othere people we went to school with were also there, the food was great, the desert was out of this world, and only drank 2 glasses of wine. When I got home near midnite, I stupidly ate two buttered pieces of french bread with chili, boy was that stupid, I had bad gerd and acid reflux all night. Then to top things off my two adult daughte... Mon, 11 Feb 2013 17:13:40 EST Oh my, where will today lead. All schools are cancelled for miles around, a big snow storm warning the next few days. I kept the wood stove going thru the night and I have to say, it's so cozy in here this morning. My sister Bobbi Jo and her family took off this morning to Albany NY to meet up with a driver who picks up rescued dogs from various rescues in the United States and transports them to their new homes. She is picking up a female grey dachshund that fell on bad times earlier and ended up at a kill shelter bef... Fri, 8 Feb 2013 09:10:46 EST Going to be a good day I am going to stay on top of things today. I got up early and took my son to school, drank one coffee, took my thyroid meds and made myself a protien shake, Body by Vi. Takes the thinking out of breakfast. I am also going to take all three of my dogs for a short walk with in the next hour. This way I am getting myself out for some excersize. It may be walking back and forth to the mail box but truthfully...thats more than I usually do ever. I am going to Indiana with my kids to see my o... Thu, 7 Feb 2013 09:52:32 EST Goodbye to an old friend I changed to picture on my profile to a picture of our old gal Ladeebug who we laid to rest before Christmas this year. She was 14 and 1/2 years old and was in failing health. When my daughter Emily boved out a few years ago she took her with her because she was her dog. She bought her with her own money when she was 8 or 9 believe it or not. Ladeebug was 7 months old when we picked her up at a woman that breeds and shows these beautiful dogs. She fit right in to our family and had the... Mon, 4 Feb 2013 00:48:09 EST Checking in Just another quick check in, i am doing really well. Still 85% low carbing it. Getting in swimming, done a load of lawnwork yesterday and also had a lawnsale. Got all my goals accomplished for the day. Absolutely amazing how much better I feel in one weeks time after turning the pressure up one number on my cpap machine. Had it for three months set one 3 and did not feel any different and certainly not any better. Now i turned up a number and feel wide awake, have loads of energy and ca... Thu, 26 Jul 2012 08:01:53 EST Only a second Just a quick note, doing so good, low carbing and swimmersizing and my cpap is helping me greatly. Having a lawnsale then swimming, later. Wed, 25 Jul 2012 13:33:45 EST A little catchup Just a bit of catchup, time is short. The hubby and me are mending fences, he sat dwn with me and had along talk, said he seen alot about himself he did not realize. Right nowwe are mending fences. I have still been doing low carb 85 % of the time, went down to 235 on scale, see what this week brings, got over 8 hours on my cpap machine last night which has been hard t do since i cant sleep till late. I also turned the pressure up from 3 to 4 and i think it works better for me. Sold 3 mo... Sun, 22 Jul 2012 21:34:52 EST Life about to take another path A little update...the love of my life Craig and myself are talking about splitting, well more than that, i have already decided i am leaving. We are being very aimicable at this point and trying to be fair. My man is a bit of a hoarder and it is getting worse, and i am just not going to deal with it anymore. I am also going through the change and because of our issues in the past with his problem of collecting stuff, he has no compassion for me falling apart, i cry at the drop of a dime an... Wed, 18 Jul 2012 08:53:34 EST trouble trouble Trouble at home right now, at the point where i am ready to leave, hell i AM there, told my guy I am done, I had it no more, go to the bank and give me my part of this house and i will sign off. He went to bank yesterday and needed to bring in his w2 form today, if he can get my money I am out of here, sick of living with o loveless man, all about himself, plans everything around his gun shoots and the rod and gun club is a daily thing but can NEVER NEVER, year after year plan anything at al... Tue, 17 Jul 2012 11:02:23 EST Still doing well but low spirits So hot today, around 96, too hot to do anything. Even in the house, down to one air conditioner. The air is like breathing soup and in this weather, I really can't do anything. My whole body is like a limp rag. Which has made me feel all the worse since I have a hard time doing the bare nesseccities. My energy is always so low, being so fat and overweight has turned my life into one slow moving mess. I am still doing well on the low carb but since I seem to be having a pity party, poor ... Fri, 13 Jul 2012 21:30:57 EST Finally I got time to BLOG! Finally I can blog, i kept trying to check in daily for daily status and did but could not seem to get time to blog. Here it is going on 1 oclock in the morning and what am i doing? Made a boat load of homemade dog biscuits for the four hell hounds. One batch are potato chicken made with w/wheat, cornflour and eggs and a few other little things. The othe batch were chicken parmisian with egg and cornflour, with wholewheat. Boy did i have an audience in the kitchen, yes, they did all love... Fri, 13 Jul 2012 01:03:52 EST Loving the low carb, down 2 more pounds and not even my weigh in day!!! Got up and went in and weighed myself this morning and was down 2 more pounds. My weigh in day is not until Saturday but woo hoo. My daughter had some potatoe chips with dip last night and it smelled so good but that is a no no on low carb but what i can have is pork rinds so we went down to the corner store and not one bag we could find so I came home and had a half cucumber instead and that was okay. But i am going to stock up on pork rinds so i will be prepared. <BR> <BR> My son and i... Mon, 9 Jul 2012 08:22:15 EST A good day all around and made a few decisions too The day went just as I planned which is something new. I got up and made Craig and I a low carb breakfast, crispy bacon and a plain egg omlet, coffee with my new stevia and half and half which is good low carb. I cannot go without my coffee or i will feel deprived and then probly eat away the entire kitchen. Then I made pork meat balls, fried them quickly to crisp the outside then popped them into the crockpot with a small amount of tomato sauce so they would not burn, Those were dinner w... Mon, 9 Jul 2012 00:08:30 EST Well as promised Here I am Well i did not go t the wedding, i sent Craig and the on instead, i really don't know the people anyway and it saved me from eating alot of junk, i stayed home and did not do much, i closed the doors and took a nap, fiddled around some here and there. When Craig and Ben got home, I went to Walmart at 9;30 or so, i did not get back until 11;45. I shopped for some low carb stuff, and no i did not buy any junk food crap to eat on the way home. I cannot believe I didn't but i am looking forwar... Sun, 8 Jul 2012 00:45:11 EST Promise to me, checking in daily on sparkpeople I made a promise to myself last night that i would check in on sparkspeople daily. I need something to help me stay in line, like this as a daily reminder. So, here I am. I have a wedding at 4pm today to go to, and in a half an hour I am running down the road to my sisters house so she can die my hair. Much needed. I am going to try to be strong at the reception and not go overboard on eating because I am sick to death of my excuses, Oh I will start tommorrow or After this wedding I will... Sat, 7 Jul 2012 10:38:04 EST At my lowest tonight, anyone there? I am so tired of it all, this feeling of defeat is unbearable, Oh God why do I continuously choose to do this to myself. Why do I let food beat me, to make me feel absolutely defenceless, weak and just an utter failure. I at this time in my life feel like i am no good for nobody, nothing, just a big disappointment. I have severe sleep apnea, fatty liver, hypothyroid and high blood pressure. I weigh near 250 and move around like a sloth. I look and feel terrible and dress like an outright... Sat, 7 Jul 2012 00:25:51 EST Want to say thanks to Tisha, you have inspired me I want to say thank you Tisha (Tublady) from sparkspeople. You have given me inspiration to get up and do this, to start moving, swimming and making healthier eating choice. I have read many of your blogs, going to read more tonight. Yes, today is day number two of going to my sisters to excersize in her pool. After doing the pool yesterday I decided that if i am going to make the effort to go swim, i am ging to make the effort of eating better and stop grazing thru out the day. Today fo... Thu, 21 Jun 2012 23:58:37 EST Dreary out side Got up early to bring daughter to her pet sitting job, she is pretty sore from her spill off her brothers mopehead yesterday, came back got some coffee, ran out to check on rabbits, got one due right now and i think she is in labor, nothing yet, did plug the heat light in because it is cold and damp this morning. <BR> <BR> Came back in and cooked the old man breakfast, him and our son Ben just took off for a morning of black powder shooting on the range. Meanwhile i have walked back and for... Sat, 2 Jun 2012 09:05:17 EST Had a surprising day What I mean by that is a burst of energy, where did it come from, got up did the dogs, the rabbits and duck with the chickens, ran to town with my daughter to cash a few checks, came back and cleaned quickly throught the house, then I went to a friend of mine and picked up two starters for weeping willow trees then went further up the road to pick up our new addition to our rabbit family. A beautiful blue eyed white long haired lionhead. She is absolutely gorgeous. <BR> <BR> Then after all... Fri, 1 Jun 2012 20:34:54 EST Hey life, will you slow down a bit Seems like the older you get, the faster things go. Here it is one am again, seems to be my bedtime nitely. No matter how hard i try, I can't get myself to bed any earlier. <BR> A few months ago, I found out I have a very severe case of sleep apnea, which now i realize i had it from far back as being 26 years old and weighing only 130 pounds, i am 50 now and 247. My husband used to tell me I scared the crap out of him when i slept because i constantly stopped breathing, never realized jus... Fri, 1 Jun 2012 01:43:05 EST bloodwork results back I just went and had bloodwork done and the results were not in my favor. They upped my thyroid medicine once again from 137 to 150. The last two tests for my liver were abnormal so she wanted me to go for me, she tested me for all the hepititus's and those were all negative, thank you God, but the there were two readings for a few other things about the liver that once again came high, she wants me to have another bloodtest and a sonogram of the liver in one months time. She thinks I may ... Thu, 24 Mar 2011 23:13:39 EST Sorry about no Friday blog I promised. I was looking forward to writing nice Friday blog but the funniest thing happened. I made myself a bowl of rice crispies with milk and right upon finishing it I started a burning sore throat and burning behind nose. I have suffered throughout the night with rounds of salt water and mouth wash gargles with little relief. It is reaching into my sinuses too. I feel lousy. I have a dinner to go to at the Rod and Gun club tonight, my clothes are ready and mac salad ready too. It is at 6 ton... Sat, 19 Mar 2011 14:41:28 EST St. Patty's Day shopping I am on my way out the door to pick my daughter up for shopping dinner for St. Patty's Day. I invited my sister and her family over Thursday nite. Mabe a good game of rummy afterwards. I want to make a cake of some sort with green decorations or sprinkles, something festive. I also go some banking to do plus stopping at library for the newest coupons out. I hope everyone has a fine day, bye. <em>137</em> <em>439</em> <em>441</em> <em>440</em> <em>438</em> Tue, 15 Mar 2011 11:16:26 EST