SPADIVA77's SparkPeople Blog SPADIVA77's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Better late than never January 1, 2013 came and went and 23 days into the new year I have resolved to continue my journey. Through out my gaining and losing many hundreds of pounds over my lifetime there is one approach I have never tried, whole heartedly. In my previous post I mentioned it was going to take a miracle for me to lose weight. Over the past month I have prayed that God would put the want (to lose weight and get healthy) back in my heart, and he has. Day by day the want has grown. I've watered it with ... Wed, 23 Jan 2013 20:58:53 EST All I Need is a Miracle 2012 is on its way out and 2013 is creeping in. At times I feel l have lost all hope that it is even possible for me to lose weight. I have tried so many times this year and failed. I feel as thought my mind will explode with the plethora of "diet" information that is in my brain. I've tried so many things I don't even know where to begin. I've read this and heard that and seen eat this and don't eat that. I'm confused. I've been doing this since I was 10... One would think after 25 years tha... Fri, 28 Dec 2012 15:30:26 EST Update On August 19 my dear friend Nicole (aka nicole12-01) lost her battle with cancer. She was diagnosed in February. I am still in disbelief. Thankfully, I was able to speak with her a week before she passed. She leaves behind her precious daughter who will be a year old on September 12 and a husband who was her rock. I will miss her so much. <BR> <BR> At the moment I feel as though I am in some sort of midlife crisis. I think because school has been 99% of my life since 2004, I've lost myself.... Sun, 26 Aug 2012 19:27:50 EST Praise God I got my results today for my MRI and it was all clear!!!! I am sooooooooooooo relieved and thankful and blessed. <BR> <BR> Not sure where I go from here... probably have to see a neurologist but I am going to give it some time to see if exercise and focusing on eating better helps. <BR> <BR> Thanks for all your prayers and thoughts! Mon, 12 Mar 2012 22:28:35 EST Goings on Just a quick little update. <BR> I received my bloodwork back and all was normal. I am having my MRI tomorrow morning @ 7:30. All prayers appreciated. Wed, 7 Mar 2012 13:21:00 EST Doctor, Doctor Give Me the News... Thank you everyone for you sweet words.It means so much to me that each of you have taken the time out of you day to encourage me. <BR> <BR> As some of you know I've had a few health scares over the past year and even recenlty I have had some very odd syptoms. I went to the opthomologist about 2 weeks ago and he saw nothing wrong with my eyes. That was a relief but I wasn't happy with that answer and have continued to worry myself sick. I really feel that this is part of my problem of not b... Wed, 29 Feb 2012 15:06:23 EST Drifting I've come to the conclusion that this battle I am fighting is bigger than me. It's grown into such a monstrosity that all the willpower, motivation, inspiration, and dedication in the world is not going to help me beat this. But what it isn't bigger than, is, my heavenly Father. I am a God fearing, praying woman and I do not know why it has taken me this long to realize that I have been going about this all wrong. I have been relying on my strength, and not His. And let's face it I am weak. I... Tue, 28 Feb 2012 13:26:54 EST *Sigh* I don't even know where to begin. Once again, I have gone completely off the rails. Fast food has become a frequent visitor to my home and exercise is as welcome in my daily routine as that "yearly" visit to my GYN. I am so tired of fighting this weightloss battle. I have often asked myself if it is easier to lose weight or be fat? The way I feel right now it would be a toss up. I know that feelings change and this is just a rough patch but February is pretty much over and all I have to show ... Mon, 27 Feb 2012 15:43:14 EST I'm a little dusty... <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I can't believe it's been a week since my last blog. Well actually I can. When I fall off the wagon I don't feel much like doing anything, including blogging, tracking food and water and exercising. I always have such great intentions first thing in the morning and then I start inching to the back of the wagon and next thing I know the wagon is miles a head of me and I am covered in dust. I guess it all started whe... Thu, 16 Feb 2012 11:28:26 EST Growing Pains It's been a rough week this week.My middle bonus son (he's 22) has being seeing this girl that is 9 or 10 years older than him; divorced and has a six year old son. She lives in KY at the moment and last week we found out he will be moving in with her this summer. There has been some issues that have come up over the past year with them combining their finances and some poor decision making on his part. Anyway, he has been very distant from the family, me especially since about October of la... Thu, 9 Feb 2012 11:12:16 EST Sunday's Weigh-In <em>192</em> I am down 2 pounds for a total of 10.5 pounds!!! <em>192</em> <BR> <BR> I've had a great weekend that's for sure and these two pounds are the sprinkles on my sweet as a cupcake weekend <em>475</em> <BR> <BR> Speaking of cupcakes...while the man and I were shopping yesterday I came across this fabulous display... <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> LOVE IT! Sun, 5 Feb 2012 15:55:23 EST January Wrap Up / February Goals <em>249</em> <BR> I started January at 282.5 pounds and I am ending January at 274! That's a total loss of 8.5 pounds and it puts me half a pound ahead for my goal of losing 100 pounds in a year. <BR> <BR> January stats: <BR> <BR> SW:282.5 <BR> CW: 274 <BR> PL: 8.5 <BR> PTG:134 <BR> <BR> <BR> <em>486</em> I've gone 31 days with out any fast food! <BR> <BR> <em>331</em> I got in activity 18 days out of 31 (59%) <BR> <BR> <em>43</em> Went to church once - I will do better. <BR> ... Tue, 31 Jan 2012 14:16:15 EST Just call me Ms. Excuse Buster <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I was watching the BL last night and the mantra for this season is no excuses. I love that. The quote above pretty much sums up how I feel about excuses.The truth is, if it is important to you, you will make the time for it (whatever it is). Over the past seven years my number one goal was to to finish undergrad and grad school. Done. This year marks the first year in seven years that my status is not "student". I ... Tue, 24 Jan 2012 14:37:56 EST The next best thing to ice cream...IMO <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Those closest to me know I love ice cream! LOVE IT! So believe you me, that was one of the first things I brought up to the dietician when I saw her last week. As I mentioned earlier, she suggest I try Arctic Zero. So today me and the man made a trip to WF to pick up a few things and look for Arctic Zero. I was in luck. They had some. So I bought three pints. 1 each of chocolate peanut butter, chocolate, and vanil... Sat, 21 Jan 2012 17:58:31 EST It's Friday, I'm in love I am so glad it is Friday. It's been an exhausting week. I think all this working out is finally catching up with me! Not that it's a bad thing, my body is just on overload with all this activity I am getting. Last night I had a great workout at my female focus class. My quads were still so sore from Tuesday's work out they adjusted the workout to where I wouldn't really work them and focused more on my boo-tay and hamstrings. <BR> <BR> I am feeling much better today than yesterday that's... Fri, 20 Jan 2012 13:01:17 EST It's one of those days... I am not feeling very sparkly today. <BR> In an effort to increase my sparkle I decided I needed to list all the things I have to look forward to as I release 140 pounds from my body <BR> <BR> 1. I will feel better inside and out. <BR> 2. Decrease my risk for a health crisis. <BR> 3. I will look better. <BR> 4. My confidence will increase. <BR> 5. I will be able to enjoy shopping for clothes. <BR> 6. My social anxiety will decrease <BR> 7. Sex will be a lot more enjoyable <BR>... Thu, 19 Jan 2012 10:52:03 EST The 411 on my Dietitian Appointment Today Starting tomorrow the magic number is going to be 2000. This magic number is the amount of calories the dietitian recommend I eat every day. EVERY DAY! I couldn't believe it. She did the math with my resting metabolic rate and 2000 it is. She said I need to eat every 3 hours and when I do, eat a carb and a protein. She put me on an omega 3 supplement (DHA and EPA) 1000 mg daily. Lastly, I need to change up my workout program every 6-8 weeks. In one week I need to follow up with her to give h... Wed, 18 Jan 2012 22:17:54 EST Well.... I was going to write quite a bit tonight... but, I am too tired. I had a kick butt workout today at class that's for sure. Night night! Tue, 17 Jan 2012 23:02:20 EST Monday's Musings <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I've had a great day today. Nothing spectacular happened. It was just great because I woke up with one more day of making good choices under my belt AND I am going to end today the same way. It feels so good to know I did everything I could to make today the best it could have been. <BR> <BR> Tomorrow I don't have a lot planned. I need to run to the store to pick up a few items I forgot on Sunday and then I have m... Mon, 16 Jan 2012 22:25:06 EST Sunday's Greetings and Salutations Sunday's are my weigh-in day <em>192</em> . Today I am down 1.5 pounds for a total of 4 pounds since January 1. HOLLA! I've had a great weekend so far. I went shopping with a fellow sparkbuddy for some new workout pants Saturday morning; found two pairs. I also found some online at Old Navy and they should be here in a week. I am on a mission to find the perfect workout pants. The rest of the day was spent cleaning out my dvr, some light cleaning around the house. I also made a casserole for ... Sun, 15 Jan 2012 15:54:29 EST Nothing like conquering your fears to make you feel ALIVE! F- False <BR> E- Expectations <BR> A- Appearing <BR> R- Real <BR> <BR> Yes. I made it through the class with out even shedding a tear. AHHHHMMMAZZZING <BR> <BR> Yesterday, I posted on the boards in the Panic Button Forum about my social anxiety at the gym. I received so many encouraging comments. I printed them out and stuck them in my wallet. When I got to the gym yesterday I busted them out and read them. It was the perfect peptalk. I can't thank those that commented enough. When I got... Fri, 13 Jan 2012 10:11:47 EST Phew!! I DID IT! <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Just a quick post to say I made it to and through my female focus class with little to no anxiety! It was awesome and once I got going I was on FIRE! I will go into detail more tomorrow... right now I need to gulp down this green monster smoothie, unpack my "gym bag", shower and go to bed! <BR> <BR> Night night. Thu, 12 Jan 2012 22:34:48 EST I will never see 279.5 AGAIN! Yesterday I had my first female focus class. When I arrived I checked in and waited for "A" to get there. I stood their waiting glued to the wall. You would think that if I moved I was stepping off a ledge into an alligator pit. (although that would have been better than what transpired 15 minutes later) The place was choka! I couldn't believe how many people were there. Finally "A" found me and she walked me over to the bike so I could warm up. As were were walking over I could feel my hear... Wed, 11 Jan 2012 17:39:04 EST I've Been Cooperized Saturday I went for my assessment at CFC. My appointment was scheduled for 7:45am. The only requirement they had for me was that I needed to fast for 12 hours. So I did. Fasting for that amount of time wasn't as bad as I thought. I was hungry but I manage to dodge getting a hunger headache and the shakes. So I went in and waited for "A" to get there. As I sat in the lobby people were coming and going and I couldn't believe how many people where there working out that early in the morning. Whi... Sun, 8 Jan 2012 19:03:46 EST Tomorrow is the big day! Tomorrow I go for my assessment. I am a little nervous about that. I have to fast for 12 hours which means I can't have anything to eat starting at 7:45 tonight. The way my hunger and blood sugar have been lately I hope I make the entire 12 hours. I am going to make sure and have a really good dinner. <BR> <BR> I know I say this every time I start eating healthy but I feel sooo much better when I don't eat junk. Duh! This has been the first week of really focusing on my eating and although I... Fri, 6 Jan 2012 16:40:49 EST What's on my plate Breakfast: not pictured oatmeal with a banana <BR> <BR> Lunch: <BR> <img src=""> <BR> Chicken breast, steamed mixed veggies with roasted red potatoes (last nights dinner) <BR> <BR> Afternoon Snack: <BR> <img src=""> <BR> Plain greek yogurt, granola, straberries, blueberries and a little drizzle of honey <BR> <BR> Dinner: <BR> <img src=" Thu, 5 Jan 2012 20:55:36 EST 2012 Goals and Stats <img src=""> <BR> <BR> One thing I have learned over the years is to write down my goals. Goals that are written down are more concrete than just keeping them stored in our minds. With that said...let's begin <BR> <BR> Stats: <BR> <BR> Starting weight - 282.50 <BR> <BR> Goal weight - 140 <BR> <BR> Pounds to lose - 142.50 <BR> <BR> Goals: 12 in 2012 <BR> 1.Lose 142.50 pounds <BR> 2.Do not eat fast food more than 12 times this year.... Wed, 4 Jan 2012 12:11:24 EST 281 The man and I went to the grocery store today. It took us almost an hour and a half to get through the entire grocery store. Usually, it takes around 30-45 minutes. Today's trip was different. I was grocery shopping with a purpose. A purpose that will help me reach my goal of losing half of me. I made it a point to shop mainly around the perimeter of the store and most of what we bough in the middle was for the man. <BR> <BR> Around 11 today I received a phone call from the center where I a... Tue, 3 Jan 2012 19:53:57 EST That end of the year post...sort of. This post has been about 3 weeks in the making. I would start it and then I would get sidetracked. With the end of 2011 comes the realization that school has finally ended for me. Graduation was 12/17 and went good. We had our hooding ceremony at 1:30 and then graduation was at 3. There were over 500 graduates. The ceremony was long. We arrived back at the house by around 6:30. It was a very long day to say the least. I had plans to go out to a really nice restaurant but opted for a low-key ... Thu, 29 Dec 2011 16:47:23 EST Almost there A couple more days and I will be done with school. I can't belive it. It's like I am a prisoner being released from prison. Don't get me wrong I LOVED going to school, but I chose to let it interfere with soooo many parts of my life. I am ready to move on that's for sure. My weight has stayed about the same give or take a few pounds. When I weighed this morning I was 280. <BR> <BR> Similar to last year my boss has decided to get me another graduation gift that will help get me on my way to a... Sat, 3 Dec 2011 19:04:41 EST Back to basics <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I am amazed at how fast each week is passing by. It's November on Tuesday I can't believe it. Today I managed to squeeze in sometime to watch the Eat, Walk, Lose dvds. I watched all of the breakfast and lunch dvds and half of the dinner dvd. All of the meals are simple and use simple ingredients. Its just the basics. I think that is what I need right now, to get back to the basics. I've been on so many "diets" th... Sat, 29 Oct 2011 20:37:07 EST 57 more days 57 more days until graduation!!! I received my Walk-Eat-Lose DVDs but I have yet to watch them. I ve been so swamped with school and work and just life in general I have hardly had a chance to come up for air. The past 3 days I have been battling a headache. Not sure if it is migraine or if its a tension headache but I know that I would sure like it if it went away asap. I could really do with an entire day of rest. That isn't likely so I must press on. This weekend is going to be cram pack... Fri, 21 Oct 2011 16:54:59 EST 77 more days I've got 77 more days until graduation! I can not wait. Things are a bit hectic around here at the moment. My work load at school is just as bad as last semester but this is my last semester and I can do anything for 77 more days. <BR> <BR> I went back to the doctor to get my vit D level re checked and it was a 33! So it went from 18 to 33 and I feel so much better for it. I was definitely suffering from depression among other things. Now all I have to do is take a daily supplement of vit D... Sat, 1 Oct 2011 21:22:52 EST My new favourite salad A huge thanks to the lady from Whole Foods who showed me how to make this! <BR> In the mix: <BR> 1 oz of pecans <BR> 1 plum <BR> 2 huge handfulls of mixed baby grees <BR> 4 tbs of fatfree balsamic vinegrette <BR> <BR> <img src=""> Sun, 24 Jul 2011 20:02:00 EST My quest for imperfection. <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Yes I said imperfection. I beat myself up 18 hours a day. I have a dialouge in my head that is constantly telling me I can do better, that I am failure when I don't do things perfectly. I am constantly anxious about everything I do being perfect work, school, family, relationships, losing weight... you name it. In order to change my way of thinking I am forcing myself to be imperfect. This sounded silly to me at f... Sun, 24 Jul 2011 19:05:20 EST Follow up So I went to the doc. I got my bloodwork back and it turns out I have a vitamin D deficiancy and my iron is low. I started take vit D supplements three weeks ago and I am already noticing a HUGE difference in my engery level and my overall well being. Today is the first day I have exercised in months. I did my elliptical for 10 minutes. That's all I am going to do. I am not going to feel guilty for only doing 10 minutes. I did something... My eating has been so so today I stopped by s'bucks f... Mon, 18 Jul 2011 19:57:05 EST I'm still breathing so it's not over yet I received a just checking on you sparkmessage from a sparkbuddy otherwise I wouldn't have even logged on. So now that I am here I thought I would stop by my dear neglected blog and say hello. <BR> <BR> Let's see what I have been up to. There's definitely not been any weightloss to speak of. Lot's of stress related to my decision to get my master's degree in a year. Simply stated school is kicking the you know what out of me. Last semester wasn't "that" bad but this semester has almost got ... Thu, 30 Jun 2011 16:58:14 EST NUTritarian in the making??? I can't believe it has been 10 days since my last blog. Actually maybe I can. Not a day hasn't gone by where I haven't thought "I should log on sparkpeople and see what is happening". I haven't, obviously and it's shown in my eating, exercising and well being. <BR> <BR> I have been trying to pinpoint when it was I started my downward spiral. Amazingly, I have indeed pinpointed it. I was on such a "high" from doing so good with everything I decided that I "had" to exercise 60 minutes a day. ... Fri, 18 Mar 2011 15:51:43 EST Coming up for air I am still here...barely. Between grad school and family drama for the past 3 weeks I've been stretched to the max. My weight is holding steady at 270 and I am grateful for that. Even though spring break is next week, there is no rest for the weary. I have a 15 page paper due the following Wednesday and I have to catch up on hours for my field practicum. With that said I am going to cut this short because midterms are tomorrow and this woman needs to STUDY. Tue, 8 Mar 2011 18:50:52 EST Someone slap me please... Because this pictures is exactly how I feel right now times a bazillion!!! <BR> <img src=""> <BR> I really want to scream my head off right now. I am exhausted. I was jolted awake by the man coughing this morning at 5am. By the time my heart and nerves settled back down I heard the front door open at 5:15am. Then I heard it shut a minute or two later. I called our oldest son and asked him if he went outside and he said no it was the other... Thu, 3 Mar 2011 09:43:51 EST Hello March...Let's kick some butt and take names Hello March! I am so glad to see you. February...get the heck outta here! <BR> <BR> February was a very rough month for me. So I am really looking forward to what March has to hold. <BR> <BR> February's Goals: <BR> Lose 12 pounds Started at 274 GW - 262 -- Ended February with a 4 pound loss and a CW of 270 <BR> Eat out 1-2 times the entire month - Total was 5 <BR> Get in a minimum of 10 minutes of exercise a day for a total of 280 minutes. Woooohoooo 597 minutes! <BR> Make 1 new recipe - ... Tue, 1 Mar 2011 10:16:57 EST Worst Week Ever (well almost, it definitely could have been worse) I am so thankful this week wasn't any worse than it was. I have not exercised in 6 days. My eating has been...meh. I am thankful I have maintained and NOT gained, so I cannot complain. <BR> <BR> Tomorrow I have jazzercise with Andrea0301 and am I sure that is going to lift my spirit. I MUST work on school work this weekend and focusing on my eating and working out. I need to make the decision not to let my personal turmoil hinder my progress. In the end it doesn't help me, it only hurts me.... Fri, 25 Feb 2011 09:39:46 EST This too shall pass. Sometimes...I hate being a girl. It's almost that time of month and for some reason this month I am more irritable than normal AND anxious AND the voice in my head is very, very negative at the moment. It is taking every fiber in my being to keep from listening to that voice. It's very difficult not to. I didn't exercise Sunday for a stupid reason and I didn't exercise yesterday because it's my day off from working out but I still feel bad about it. Grrr. I know I feel this way because of my ... Tue, 22 Feb 2011 10:05:36 EST Tuesday Weigh-In I am down 1.5 pounds for a total of 13.5! <BR> <BR> Tue, 22 Feb 2011 09:37:38 EST The Day That Got Away I can't believe it's almost 11pm. This is just a quick swing by to say the weekend is stealing me away. My BFF will be here in the AM and we have a fantabulous day planned which may or may not include frozen yogurt... <BR> <BR> Fri, 18 Feb 2011 23:55:51 EST It's a new decade!!! I am so excited I can't stand it. I can't keep it in. So I am going to share. I finally made it into a new decade!! I am in the 260s!! I'm not going to update my weight until my regularly scheduled weigh-in next Tuesday. There was no way I could have kept that a secret that long. I finally feel like I have a firm grip on living well and making choices that further my progress and not hinder it. It's a wonderful feeling. Releasing this weight from my body is serious business but I cannot let i... Wed, 16 Feb 2011 10:31:00 EST Tuesday Weigh-in I am down 2.5 pounds for a total of 12 pounds!!! Tue, 15 Feb 2011 09:16:44 EST Did you know that... <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Tonight in my mental health class we learned that along with exercise SINGING increases serotonin too! <BR> <BR> Next time you need a pick me up give your vocal chords a workout! <BR> Mon, 14 Feb 2011 22:27:32 EST 2 for 2 <img src=""> <BR> <BR> First I have to say that the temp. here is 69 degrees! YAY! I love it! There isn't a cloud in the sky. I even thought about going for a walk with my dog but I am seriously sore from yesterday's 5k. Note to self - Stretch after. Point noted. <BR> <BR> I started out today with a trip to Whole Foods. The man and I have decided we are just going to purchase our vegetables from there instead of WM or T. The selection ... Sun, 13 Feb 2011 17:46:07 EST I can finish a 5k @ 272 pounds and so can you! Two races under my belt and 10 more to go! I hate to brag BUT we finished our 5k four+ minutes under our last 5k. YAY! We walked mostly but we did do some intermittent wogging. I started my day out with my usual go to breakkie 2 waffles w/ cream cheese and a veggie sausage patty and then a banana. Right before I left I had a pumpkin spice muffin and I was out the door. Once we got to the race sight we registered and donned our race bibs and timing chips (we must make an effort to get pic of ... Sat, 12 Feb 2011 16:45:36 EST