SOULFISH80's SparkPeople Blog SOULFISH80's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Blog day Having a hard day so far, not with the diet or exercise, but with my emotions. Think I better blog about my process and what's going right. So far I'm getting in 20-30 fit mins 5 days a week. I'm ok with the free days because I'm usually super busy those days with cleaning, laundry, shopping, cooking, etc. that I know I'm burning calories throughout the day. So, my plan for exercise was slow,slow, slow and that is going great. I did take a 2 mile walk last week and decided that was not going ... Tue, 30 Aug 2016 16:35:10 EST Post it! Woke up to another lb lost. I feel elated by the steady losses. I'm sure it won't always be this way, so I'm tracking every lb lost in blogs. This makes 33 total, that just looks lovely written, 33, such a nice number ♡ I'm excited for 50, which is my next milestone. I lost 80 lbs when I was in high school, so I remember what losing large amounts of weight feels like, it's great, really great. I'm getting the feelings I had then back again only this time I'm shooting for well over 100 lbs... Tue, 30 Aug 2016 10:37:07 EST The numbers Seems to be the topic of the day for me. I started SP 4 years ago at 240, feeling as if my life was over. That was my highest weight to date and I was lost in grief, and full of shame. I lost and gained over the next two years, hovering around my entry weight. Then boom, two years ago my life fell to pieces and kept crumbling until semi recently. Whatever could happen, did happen. Death, severe illness both me and hubs, scary living conditions, unstable work, etc. Semi recently those circumst... Mon, 29 Aug 2016 20:36:12 EST Slip sliding away. Another lb down, that's 12 in two weeks and 32 this year. I'm really starting to enjoy this. As time goes on I'll share a but about my goals and where I am on that road to get there. For some, 32 lbs would be all they needed to loose, we'll that's not me. I have HUGE amounts to lose, so 32 is a great start, but just a small drop in the bucket of the big picture. I'm not ready to admit just how high my weight got or how much I still want to loose yet. One day I will though, because I'm slowly ... Mon, 29 Aug 2016 13:07:24 EST Minimums So, I've thought a lot about this over the years. Minimum calorie consumption and starvation mode. It seems to me to have been pretty true and accurate in the past, if I didn't hit minimum calories, I'd go into starvation mode, then gain weight. But now, on the lower carb eating plan, I'm consuming so much veg and protein I'm really not hungry that often. I've tried to force myself to eat three meals, but I feel so full that I get a gag reflex with one bite. Also, I know I'm not going into st... Sun, 28 Aug 2016 19:19:52 EST Ohhhhh man! So I had this odd feeling that my scale was broke. It did weird things like weigh differently within a seconds time difference. I was losing or gaining multiple lbs overnight. Weird stuff like that. So, I bought a new one today and yes, I was right, to the tune of 8lbs!!! Oh jeeze, so now I've lost 30 lbs this year and 10 in the last two weeks. I'm feeling quite a bit better about things. I was thinking to myself that things had to be wrong, man am I glad I followed up on that. I would have b... Sun, 28 Aug 2016 14:36:39 EST Another one bites the dust I lost another lb, that's two this week. I could get used to this! My new diet is very satisfying, and I seem to be craving the veg more than I did before going on the lower carb eating plan. I ate two spinach and tomatoe salads and fresh broccoli yesterday. It was all so good. I want to ramp up my exercise, but I am still in my first week of the new plan, so I may wait a bit longer to change things. It seems to be working with where I am now. Just wanted to write a small blog about the littl... Thu, 25 Aug 2016 13:02:38 EST Keep it going Well my higher protein/veg diet, water versus diet soda and daily fit mins are working. I lost 1 lb since last week and I'm feeling hopeful that this will last. Also Tim and I talked about buying an elliptical machine to shove in our tiny apartment. We both like those machines, so I think it will get used. The only funny drawback to my new routine is that I'm peeing every 30 minutes, even through the night. I guess that's what more water does to my system!!! If that's what it takes to get h... Tue, 23 Aug 2016 14:44:47 EST Tracking my little victories I'm on day three of starting my mornings off with eggs. Seems to be making all of the difference in my morning energy/hunger. Boy is protein satisfying! I also walked in my living room yesterday. Only 15 mins, which I think was about 1 mile. I'm starting super slow, which in the past was what seemed to work for me. I also came to work with my hair freshly unbraided, instead of the usual dripping wet, right outta the shower style I've been sporting. Which is a small victory for me also. I only... Fri, 19 Aug 2016 13:02:28 EST Getting going I'm on the planning end of starting, once again, a new eating/exercising routine. I feel like I've learned so much over the years of what works and what doesn't work. I hope I'm going into this with the tools I need. Low and slow with the exercise to start. I've been doing little things here and there, but nothing steady. I need consistency. And I need it now! Thu, 18 Aug 2016 14:13:14 EST Ohmygoodness!!! I lost another 9 pounds! 15 lbs in two months. Track, track, track! Oh and water! Yesss!!! Wed, 2 Mar 2016 18:11:56 EST 6 lbs!!!! I lost 6 lbs since I weighed 2 weeks ago! Yippee for tracking, water and light exercise. Sun, 21 Feb 2016 18:15:15 EST Oh my Golly!!! I've got to type some of this to get it off my chest. I haven't been logging food, water or fit mins in a few weeks because I've been so busy I can't see straight!!! (There are no excuses, but that is my excuse.) <BR> <BR> Starting last summer, in June, I had a MAJOR bi-polar episode that landed me in the hospital for two weeks and in a safe house for two weeks. I lost my job of six years and I went on temporary disability. It was major stress. Tim ended up hurting himself at work and has be... Thu, 18 Feb 2016 17:33:21 EST Water time!!! I drank my 8 cups of water this morning, it was a struggle, I admit it, but I did it. I love water, but I forget to drink it. Then I get dehydrated and it is even harder to desire it, because then I am craving juice of some other silly drink. So, I'm going for 16 cups/day of good clean water. my body is my temple and this temple needs a good cleaning with good water. <BR> <BR> I'm still really amazing that proper calories, proper water consumption and healthy bodily movement is really all we... Mon, 18 Jan 2016 15:32:24 EST The importance of tracking I've been tracking religiously this last month and did not do it yesterday. I felt as though everything was off. I was able to loose 4 lbs this month by tracking and exercising regularly. Last night, after not tracking for a day, I actually had some night eating, which is regular for me when I don't track. <BR> <BR> Usually when I don't track, I don't eat enough during the day and try to make it up at night. This is what I did yesterday. Quite unhealthy for me. Anyway, I wanted to make a qui... Sat, 16 Jan 2016 13:06:52 EST Winter's Tale Winter is here and I'm Sparking it up in royal Spark Girl Style!!!! Woooo hoooo!!!! I'm so impressed with how much Spark is flowing through me these cool winter days. This has been a notoriously hard time of year for me to stay motivated, but not this year!! Boooyahhh!!! Seasonal depression is nowhere to be seen. I am really, really, really, really happy. <BR> <BR> I have tons and tons and tons to write about. But overall I'm just excited that I've been active, very active in my life in most... Tue, 29 Dec 2015 16:33:16 EST Fall We have been walking nearly everyday these last few weeks. It has been amazing! It is so great to have a walking partner. Tim has actually been the one to drag me out of bed and get me going, it's been great. We have been getting in about 2 miles/day on average. The mornings have been crisp and cool and I've been loving it. I'm trying to soak up all of the together time I can while he is still home. I know that before I blink he will be back on the road again. <BR> <BR> Everything has been p... Sat, 7 Nov 2015 19:43:01 EST Today I had a wonderful day today. I woke up, it was overcast and cool, light drizzles. I got ready early because I had a visitor coming by before noon. It was such a fun day. We went to a haunted museum, we went to a really great thrift store and we had super yummy roasted chicken meal. It was a perfect day, I loved it, and she did too. We plan to get together often, I cannot wait!! <BR> <BR> So, that is really all I had to say. I'm just so excited to have had a visitor, it doesn't happen often. ... Tue, 27 Oct 2015 23:45:13 EST What happens when I can't exercise So, I couldn't exercise these last two weeks very much. I was healing from my back going out, and then I started my period and it was a hard one. I have endometriosis and every now and again I have a really hard cycle. This was one of the hard ones. <BR> <BR> As I dreamt about taking my daily walks, I also dreamt about other things. Like art, crochet, friends, family, writing and all kinds of things that I just don't spend enough time doing when I'm up and busy everyday. I had a very good ti... Thu, 15 Oct 2015 21:07:04 EST Please, love your bodies I have often pondered the importance of different body parts during my life. My hands come to mind often, since I've used my hands to make a living the majority of my life. Also legs and feet often come to mind, for many obvious reasons. Once in a blue moon, I really contemplate how important my back is. Well this week was a week of blue moons for me. My back went out Sunday. I was dressed for church, said something nasty to Tim because he would not get up to go, I turned out of the bedroom a... Fri, 9 Oct 2015 20:27:12 EST Road to Recovery Just lost a nice long blog, not in the mood to write another. All is well, better than I expected. I have been getting stronger and healthier each day. I have a nice pot of ham and beans on the stove, so I will go tend to that. Hope you are all well :) <BR> <BR> <em>465</em> <em>27</em> <em>465</em> <em>27</em> <em>465</em> <em>27</em> Sat, 3 Oct 2015 13:11:00 EST Revelations Well, this morning has brought me to another point of revelation. It is apparent, at this stage in my life, that permanent disability may be my only real option for survival. I cannot begin to tell you how hard this is to admit. But as time goes by, I see it is most likely the only way. I cannot see my way out of our financial pit of ruin. I am over $75,000.00 in debt in medical bills, just for this last hospital stay alone. I have past hospital bills from when we were without medical insuran... Sat, 26 Sep 2015 09:05:09 EST Sleepy weekend Well, all is good in the hood here. We got our disability checks, finally. I started a new job this week, making next to nothing and only working three days!! LOL! It's all good. I was so freaking tired from those three days that I nearly passed out each day on the walk to the van. We will see how things go. It seems as though we have rode out the worst of it, and are gonna survive to see the next year. I wasn't sure about that for a minute there, but you know, all looks well, from this vanta... Sun, 20 Sep 2015 23:21:24 EST The most important thing I've learned from SP I woke up a bit ago and sat in the cool morning air. The sun isn't up yet, and the air is still, cool, slightly moist and perfect. As I sat there I thought about the most important thing I have learned since starting SP. I have learned so many things, I really can't name them all. But the most important thing I learned is that I have a severe eating disorder. I had no idea, I've never officially been diagnosed. However, through using the tools on SP, I quickly learned that my "normal" eating/... Sun, 13 Sep 2015 10:02:35 EST It's Saturday and I feel fine. It has been a very eventful day today. I woke up early and got myself showered and ready to meet my Mom at 9:00 at her house. She drove me into the city and bought me a new Barber's smock and some new combs. We went to pick up some new pants and shirts for work also. I start on Tuesday and I was panicking that I didn't have a smock to work in or proper pants to wear. After it was all said and done I only kept one of the pairs of pants. But one more good pair is much better than none. <BR> <B... Sat, 12 Sep 2015 21:19:21 EST Money!!!! We're getting our disability checks, FINALLY! I'm so excited. Maybe tomorrow, by the end of this week for sure. I called the automated line yesterday and they issued them yesterday. Hallelujah. I'm so freaking happy. I wanted to share the goodness. <BR> <BR> <em>244</em> <em>345</em> <em>304</em> <em>250</em> <em>224</em> Fri, 11 Sep 2015 00:04:39 EST Patience is not called a virtue for nothing Each day as I meander, with anxious hope in every step, to the mailbox, anticipating it's contents to contain a check for one or both of us, I have half of the trip filled with hope, longing, dreaming and planning and the other half filled with "why us", "really's?" and tons of other negative-nellie talk that I won't share with you. It's a roller coaster of emotions each day. I am trying to keep calm, to stay upbeat, to stay busy, to not stress. It is hard. I have always said that I didn't wa... Wed, 9 Sep 2015 15:11:50 EST Thanks!!! Thanks you guys for the love and support on my last blog. I needed it. I'm feeling much better now. Spark friends always make things better. <BR> <BR> <em>104</em> <em>532</em> <em>345</em> <em>304</em> <em>220</em> <em>212</em> <em>247</em> <em>250</em> <em>252</em> <em>244</em> <em>381</em> <em>223</em> Fri, 4 Sep 2015 08:05:50 EST Hmmppfff.... I had a MASSIVE headache, let's just call it a migraine that started Tuesday night. Tim suggested I take some pain/sleepy meds. I did, slept all that night, all day yesterday, on and off, and then all night last night. I have a feeling I may be sleeping some of today and hopefully most of tonight also. The stress is causes so much tension in my head, neck and shoulders. I've had two of the headaches in the last few months and many little ones that are just there and painful, but don't cause m... Thu, 3 Sep 2015 11:48:53 EST Ridmycocoon, you made my night!! I got a surprise call from the dearest, most darling Ridmycocoon. She really knows how the ask the right questions at the right time, and how to surprise a girl. You are wonderful girl!!!!!! I actually feel so good to get some of what's been up off my chest to someone I know can take it. She was my girl last night, so many thanks!!! <em>212</em> <em>247</em> <BR> <BR> So, the results from the MRI were relatively positive. Tim is feeling pretty OK. Not 100%, but not horrible. We've FIN... Tue, 1 Sep 2015 14:16:46 EST Friiiddaaaayyyy! Yay, we are still alive! All is good. Tim had an MRI yesterday, we should hear the results today. Thanks for all of your support. It's been a real blessing to us :) <em>212</em> <em>212</em> <em>212</em> <em>212</em> <em>212</em> <em>212</em> <em>212</em> Fri, 28 Aug 2015 11:50:48 EST Day's haps Hey you wonderful peeps. All is good in the hood for today. We still don't have any income, but our friends and family has been so amazing to us. We did some deep cleaning today. By we I mostly mean me. I went through our outside storage unit, and then through our inside coat closet and my clothes closet. I still have the hall closet, and the kitchen cabinets/fridge to sort through. But I made a good dent. I hauled a heavy box down to the laundry room and labeled it free art supplies. I sorte... Wed, 26 Aug 2015 22:42:09 EST A new week We survived the weekend, and quite well I might add. The food in the cupboards and fridge were so full that we have barely made a dent in it. My freezer is full of meals I've prepared, along with a few tasty homemade treats. All of them are in small, sturdy plastic containers with good, freezer ready seals. I am so happy to know that we are extremely good to go in the food/paper goods area for quite awhile. I'm sure we could hunker down a month or more and live just fine. <BR> <BR> I've rea... Mon, 24 Aug 2015 23:51:12 EST Sunday (pics) We went to church today for the first time in awhile. It was exactly what we needed. I am so glad that God put it in our hearts to get up and get going this morning. There were tears, some singing, smiles, hugs, and new faces. I loved it. The sermon was lead by a young gentleman youth leader, and he was funny and pretty engaging. It was on the book of Genesis, Joseph to be precise. He is one of my favorite old testament characters, so I enjoyed the lesson, and even learned a bit I didn't know... Sun, 23 Aug 2015 20:19:52 EST Still afloat :) Well, as of today, although our plans have changed ten + times, everything seems almost bearable. I went to the pool for an hour, soaked up the sun, tread some water, did a little water aerobics and stretching. It was nice. Tim is off for the rest of the week again. He is not feeling stable yet, and has plans to schedule an MRI soon. Progress is good. Baby steps and progress. If it's good enough for SP, it's good enough for all other areas of life. I say I'm baby stepping so much now that I f... Wed, 12 Aug 2015 21:26:10 EST Current haps......... Well heck, where to start? I actually, truly don't know. It's been a wild ride this last month or so. All seems to possibly be working out, and possibly be moving in a positive direction. Only time will tell. I am still unemployed. Tim's shoulder is still injured. In fact he should be seeing a neurologist soon in order to help him decide what the next course of action is for his course of recovery. Seems strange that a neurologist would be involved for a shoulder injury, however, a lot of the... Fri, 7 Aug 2015 15:21:24 EST Zen and the art of pool time It's been swimming, water aerobics and various strokes of treading water for me every day, often multiple times a day. Yesterday we didn't go out because there was a fire nearby the night before and the air quality was still pretty terrible. I am praying that tonight things are back to normal, and I can breathe safely. The worst part about summer for me is the countdown until it is over, wwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaa :( I LOVE summertime. The swimming. The swimming. Tanning. Salads. The swimming. Tank t... Fri, 24 Jul 2015 19:35:48 EST Noooo It never fails, when I write a blog, and lose it, I am peeved. <BR> Which is me, right now. <BR> <BR> My goals right now are to follow the SP suggested guidlines as closely as possible. I know that I will not be able to scale the highest mountain tomorrow, or ever......but that's OK. Mom is bringing over a bicycle, I am really excited about that. <BR> <BR> I have not been seen without my water these last few days. I am remembering what it feels like to be fully hydrated. I have been a big... Fri, 10 Jul 2015 12:13:45 EST Spring 2015 This season, each year, is such an odd time for me. I embrace it with excited anticipation as I imagine what the rest of the year will hold, but it is also a time of year that I am a little wobbly on my feet, both literally and metaphorically. I have been doing well by staying busy. This is my third week of spring cleaning. I have gone through most of the closets, just have one left. I have sorted through almost every box we have, both in the apartment and in storage. Today I took boxes to s... Mon, 13 Apr 2015 18:28:26 EST Blog mode I wrote a rather boring blog yesterday about how happy I am to have access to SP after a 6 month hiatus. Don't get me wrong, I am happy.......but there were so many typos in it and fixing them on this tablet is not easy for me. So I erased it. Today I am in a different place. My health is fully on my mind, and I am in "tackle this beast" mode. I am not going gung ho crazy........since that leads to injury for me.........or it has in the past. But I am in the "focus on me" mode. What does my b... Tue, 31 Mar 2015 23:52:26 EST Mt Lassen pics and recent musings <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Tim having an all out glorious moment. The water in the background is Lake Helen, and in person it actually is as blue as it looks. Divine. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> Lake Helen without the hubs blocking the view :p It is small in circumference, but HUGE in beauty. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> First vie... Fri, 26 Sep 2014 19:03:54 EST Quick little blog So the happenings here are good, interesting and keeping me quite busy, mentally, emotionally and physically. Tim and I had a MUCH needed weekend getaway to Lassen Volcanic National Park this weekend. It was truly spectacular, and we cannot believe we have lived in the Sacramento area nearly ten years and have never been there. It is just under 3 hours away, and it is wonderful. The people we met were down to earth, friendly and fun, the food was good, the lodging was affordable, but most imp... Tue, 23 Sep 2014 22:17:39 EST Measuring tape I was reminded at exercise class on Monday about the importance of measuring ourselves. The last time I did this I was shocked at how much my body was changing even when the scale was not moving. Just leaving a quick blog to remind myself to do that today....after I find my measuring tape ;-) Wed, 10 Sep 2014 06:22:59 EST Size really does NOT matter. So, I was going through my clothes yesterday, got rid of a ton, and have quite a bit more to get rid of. Wish I could say it was all too big, bit in reality, most of it just does not seem to suite my taste anymore. What I found, not only from the clothes I gave away, but also from the pieces I kept is, size means nothing. I am wearing a medium dress today, and was wearing a medium dress yesterday. I also have size 18 dresses, and a few sizes between medium and 18. I have medium shirts and XXL... Mon, 1 Sep 2014 21:54:50 EST New work out class Today would have been day three of my new workout class.......but hubs came home today and scheduled and impromptu meal with my Mom and sister at one of my fave places to eat in Davis. So, I skipped class. I shouldn't have, but I did. And the meal was wonderful, and the company was even better. I had Heirloom Tomato Pomodoro Spaghetti, mmmmmmmm boy it was good. This area is know for it's tomatoes, so much so that Heinz has a plant in my town. It was nice....this is the perfect season for them... Fri, 29 Aug 2014 21:23:07 EST It's good to be me. Life is just good right now. I have things I definitely want to change and make better, including all Spark related activities...........but I want to stop and take note that things are good. There are things around me, in my family that are hard/sad, but in my day to day life, all is pretty great. Tim has a great job, I am "working" from home, I have lost weight and kept it off........and am attempting to lose more. We recently got a kitten, which just makes life great. The summer is coming ... Fri, 22 Aug 2014 00:41:44 EST Sp has been there for me. SP has really been there for me over the last few years. I have been through so much, a miscarriage, loss of a job, moving, Grandfather's death, multiple health crises for both myself and my husband. Through all that SP, and of course sparkfriends were there in a way no one else was. I really feel like I owe it to myself, and to all of my sparkfriends to do my best. I am losing weight, but I haven't been a productive part of this community and I really missing that. I want to try harder, hope... Tue, 20 May 2014 00:47:51 EST Take two Highlighting my hair, so I have a bit of downtime while it processes, let's try again!!! Blog number two for the day. Hope this goes better this time. Thanks for the sweeties that commented on my blog from this morning. I was a bit frustrated when I lost my 5 paragraph blog at 7 am this morning. Oh well, it was probably just a bunch of boring nonsense anyway!!! Ha! <BR> <BR> So, all is really great here. Lost another pound. This makes eleven in just about two months. I have 5 more to go to g... Sun, 4 May 2014 22:56:47 EST Whaaaaaa? Just typed and entire blog and lost it! Not cool!!!!!! Not typing another now. All is well here, hope all is well in your worlds. I'll type one up when I get over losing this one!!!! <BR> <BR> Hugs. Sun, 4 May 2014 10:43:22 EST Quickie Just wanted to get a quick blog in this morning before work. I leave soon, so this will be short and sweet. I've been logging all calories in and burned and have been attempting to get as much water in as possible. I have lost ten pounds since the first week of March and I feel a glimmer of hope in my bones that I might be able to keep losing for awhile. Ever since I stopped my old medication and got a new one I have been struggling to even want to eat very much. This is the polar opposite of... Thu, 24 Apr 2014 09:30:11 EST