Loving and Letting Go 21

Sat, 5 May 2012 11:13:05 EST

Within a few days we received a call from DCS. Several of the team members were on the phone. The supervisor began to explain all of the things that we had done wrong - in their eyes. They said many things but I gritted my teeth and just listened as they blamed us for things that we had no control over and told us how we should have handled them differently. They gave us a slap on the wrist by telling us that we would have to complete an extra training class and review the confidentiality sta...

Loving and Letting Go 20

Sat, 5 May 2012 00:45:15 EST

Visits began right away. We picked up Amy and Carmen on Saturday after speaking with AMy several times on the phone during the week, The foster Mom said she didn't care how late we brought them back so we always took them back as late as possible. Carmen was always sleeping soundly when we got them back 'home" around 10 pm.

We planned Carmen's first birthday party, picked up the girls up and celebrated with friends and family. Taking them back that night was so difficult. We alre...

Loving and Letting Go 19

Sat, 14 Apr 2012 21:43:14 EST

First thing Monday morning we called DCS and asked for an appointment to come in and talk about the situation. We went to the DCS office late that day and had a private meeting with the supervisor. She totally changed her toon and began to speak from a different perspective. We have no idea what transpired between all of the higher up supervisors, but she began to talk about visitation and the possibility of the girls returning to our home. She came right out and said that they needed to be a...

Loving and Letting Go 18

Tue, 10 Apr 2012 22:21:02 EST

Quite simply, it was the longest weekend of our lives. Courtney was gone for the summer. Raven had already been placed elsewhere. With Amy and Carmen gone, the house that was normally filled with giggles and clutter was unusually silent and calm.

Everywhere I looked, there were constant reminders... her crib, her toys, her favorite blanket, her tiny little shoes. My chest felt so tight I kept wondering at times how I was able to breathe. I kept repeating my mantra over and over.. "...

Loving and Letting Go (17)

Tue, 3 Apr 2012 09:56:06 EST

We arrived home from work nervous and apprehensive. I wanted nothing more than to pack all our suitcases and fly to some remote corner of the world. Amy confirmed our fears when we explained that there was to be an emergency CFTM in 30 minutes and that the supervisor and case worker were on their way to our house. She had been moved more than 20 times in her life and she said the only time DCS conducts an emergency meeting is when they are going to close the foster home down.

Amy b...

Loving and Letting Go (16)

Fri, 30 Mar 2012 22:05:15 EST

So Raven was removed. Amy and Carmen were still with us. Amy had sent a hateful email to DCS which I had followed up on by sending one of my own, but had heard nothing in response...

The next day, I received a call from the supervisor of the kids case manager. She was practically yelling at me. She had opened the email Amy sent. First she said she had opened it while she was on vacation the week before ( a fact she later tried to deny, but I had proof she had in fact opened it. Bec...

Off Topic - Simple Pleasures

Sun, 25 Mar 2012 23:23:58 EST

Sometimes it's the simple things in life that account for having a great day!

No one made us late for church today.

Daysia seems to be trying extra hard - she's cleaning things that are not her chore, asking how she can help me, etc. Of course, I am not allowing her to even speak to anyone outside of our family unless I am standing beside her, so I am sure she wants to get along with me so I will give her some freedom. LOL I wish she would try this hard all the time.

Loving and Letting Go (15)

Sat, 24 Mar 2012 11:34:11 EST

So Raven walked out the back door, got into the car with some guy, and even with a house full of people no one noticed but Amy who waited until they drove away to come and say something. One thing you should know about Amy is that she is very intelligent and manipulative. She knew that it would cause a much bigger commotion to let her leave and then report it that to try and stop her or yell for anyone's attention before they were gone.

The nightmare begins.... We have to call the ...

Test - Cute baby stuff

Thu, 22 Mar 2012 18:52:26 EST

Testing to see how this works

Loving and Letting Go (14)

Thu, 22 Mar 2012 08:59:52 EST

So we went home from the meeting with DCS feeling like bad employees who had just been called onto the carpet by the boss and told to get our act together. There were also subtle undertones, as well as outright comments, coming from the DCS supervisor and the foster family advocate (yeah the one who is supposed to be on our side) regarding us forcing Amy to care for Carmen. We were told to make her assist with diaper changes and get up during the night even though Amy has stated she has no in...

Loving and Letting Go (13)

Thu, 8 Mar 2012 23:56:19 EST

I have to apologize for not getting this posted sooner, but I have been dreading these next few posts. It's always darkest just before dawn and this is the darkest part of our journey.....

Raven had made a lot of progress at the facility and she wanted to come to our home so badly that some of the team members felt that it might actually set her back to take the normal steps down from level 4 ( a prison type facility) to 3 (a group home) to 2 ( a therapeutic foster home) before fin...

loving and Letting Go (12)

Sun, 26 Feb 2012 22:26:42 EST

We have learned that just because a door is open, it may not be because God wants us to walk through it. We sometimes find that it is an 11th floor balcony door and the balcony is missing!!!

So.... Amy moved in. We gave her the room next to Courtney's and then Courtney left for the summer to go visit her Mom. Looking back, we are SO glad that she wasn't there to get caught up in, or stuck in the middle of the fray. Amy is a very intelligent, highly manipulative young lady who will ...

Loving and Letting Go (11)

Fri, 24 Feb 2012 15:45:40 EST

I don't remember exactly how it occurred, but David and I ended up getting a call from DCS that basically put us in a terrible position. The supervisor had reviewed Amy's case and decided that despite Amy's insistence that she didn't want to be Carmen's mom, she had never been given ample opportunity to be Carmen's mom. In other words, DCS could not state that Amy shouldn't or couldn't parent the baby and they needed that in the record to avoid the possibility of a later lawsuit. What they sa...

Loving and Letting Go (10)

Sun, 19 Feb 2012 00:50:54 EST

So.... at this time Raven is in a level four facility and discussion between us and DCS has centered around the possibility of her eventually having a second chance in our home,

DCS has been transporting Carmen to see Amy but either Courtney or myself have been riding with the worker as she is not comfortable transporting a baby and possibly having to feed or change her. The drive is nearly an hour one way because both of us moved, and Amy has already stated that she wants us to ad...

Loving and Letting Go (9)

Fri, 17 Feb 2012 23:52:31 EST

Back to Raven....

The first time She was with us, she was only in our home for 6 days. During that time, she told us she was pregnant but the hospital ER declared her to not be (based on a urine rather than blood test - I asked for a blood test but was told it was not necessary because their urine test was "highly" accurate). She also made a pass at my husband, stole a pregnancy test from a store (after the ER becau...

Off Topic - Valentine Shout Out

Wed, 15 Feb 2012 15:21:58 EST

I just have to brag on my amazing Valentine......

God has blessed my life with the most amazing husband (and father of my children) I could have ever asked for. He has been very quietly contemplating what to do about Zoe and the boyfriend fiasco of a couple of weeks ago. If you don't know, post a comment and I will answer....

Last night we sat down with her. He told her how much he loves her and that we want only the very best for her. Then he presented her with a book ...

Loving and Letting Go (8)

Tue, 14 Feb 2012 10:54:38 EST

This post will be a little difficult to follow. I have to lay some background for you and introduce new people into the story in order for readers to have a better understanding. I am going to start by backing up just a little.......

Carmen was our very first foster placement (even though we had been approved for a couple of years). We had raised our age limit in the hopes of getting more children placed with us. Our intention from the beginning was to take a sibling group because ...

Loving and Letting Go (7)

Thu, 9 Feb 2012 23:30:34 EST

Once we met Tommy, we realized that even at his age he seemed no older than our 17 year old. We are often told that kids regress 6 months every time they are moved to a new foster home and sometimes never make that time up developmentally until they find a secure and loving environment. Although 22 in years, this "boy" was sleeping on the couch of whatever friend wasn't tired of him at the time. There was not stability, no support system for this young man, and no one who seemed to care.

Loving and Letting Go (Part 6)

Tue, 7 Feb 2012 15:28:14 EST

The DCS team stated that they would have to search for the "supposed" Father and place notices in local papers. It wasn't too long before they located Tommy. A case manager spoke with Tommy who would admit to nothing due to his fear of being arrested (remember he is 22 and she was 13 when she became pregnant). Unknown to us, Amy was actually dating Tommy's 15 year old brother while having a relationship with Tommy so everyone ended up in court one day. What a mess!

Amy had stated ...

Music Can Move You (Off topic, back to adoption later today....I promise)

Mon, 6 Feb 2012 08:54:35 EST

It's going to be a great day!

One of the songs we sang in worship yesterday morning was like a slow waltz. I closed my eyes right there on stage in front of everyone and it was as if God was taking me into His arms and dancing with me like a Daddy would his baby girl. I am feeling as if that is what He is doing for me this morning as well.

The Holy Spirit has several main roles and one of them is comforter. Did you know that if you cry out and ask the Spirit to comfort y...

Loving a Hard to Love Child, so They Can Learn to Love

Fri, 3 Feb 2012 10:39:06 EST

God is SOOOOO good (even when He switches from a ball pin hammer to a sledge hammer - see previous threads)

David and I were given a copy of Parenting the Poorly Attached Child - by Jonathan Maletz
We began reading it together this morning. I am going to quote..."You will need to be home and ready to tackle the child with your ambush of overpowering love from the moment she walks in the door from school. "
and
".. this involves making work choices that will allow a...

Loving and Letting Go (part 5)

Thu, 2 Feb 2012 22:25:31 EST

The next day we set a meeting with DCS and informed them that Amy asked us to adopt the baby. They said that it would take several days to get the "team" together and that mean while the baby must remain where THEY placed her, unless David and I were willing to provide "respite" care for the doctor for free. I thought "hello, we want to ADOPT her, we think of her as our child, why in the world would you think I need to be paid for that" We would soon learn that DCS as a department is filled w...

loving and letting go (part 4)

Tue, 31 Jan 2012 08:55:36 EST

As soon as David and I got the call, we drove back over to the Dr.'s house. We were greeted by the Dr. and her partner and invited into the dining room. Amy and Carmen were conspicuously absent. I was looking for them because, as usual I just wanted a chance to see Carmen. We sat around the table made small talk briefly, all of us but David who stood behind my chair with his hand on my shoulder. Then she said..... "Amy has decided that she is not ready or able to be a Mother, and she wants to...

Loving and Letting Go (part 3)

Sun, 29 Jan 2012 21:39:27 EST

So we had returned Carmen to her 13 year old mother ...

The next days were so long and empty. I had been unemployed for a few months, so I had been happily home with her for those couple of weeks. There were small reminders of her everywhere I looked.

Saturday finally came around and I asked David if he thought it would be ok for me to call and ask if we could take her to church with us. Honestly, I hadn't told anyone at church that she had left our home because I was su...

Loving and Letting Go (part 2)

Sat, 28 Jan 2012 22:26:18 EST

Back to the topic of foster care and adoption....

So I got the call from DCS placement asking if we would take a 10 day old baby and I told no one. I explained to Meagan (my adult daughter who was 21) and Sean (my 18 year old) that I had to go somewhere and would be back soon. Courtney would be arriving at the airport later that night. Filled with barely contained excitement, I drove to a gas station to meet up with a local case manager who was bringing a baby girl for me to take ...

Losing to Gain

Fri, 27 Jan 2012 08:50:31 EST

Lately God has been using various situations to perhaps enlighten me that I am needed to serve in the role of FULL TIME Mom. Now that is not to indicate in ANY way that I think working Moms are not full time Moms. I just don't know any other way to word the situation given that I have 8 children, 7 of whom still live at home. I guess what I should say is that I need to be an overtime Mom and not have a separate job that distracts me from what is most important.

I have a framed pict...

Family is who you make it (Loving and Letting Go Part 1)

Fri, 20 Jan 2012 22:08:19 EST

If you had asked me what I would be doing at this point in my life several years ago, I would have said that I would have a blissfully empty nest. David and I are best friends, have an amazing marriage, and he is the BEST Father I have ever seen. All three of our children are now happy thriving adults ages 25, 22, and 19. Back then, we were excited about the future prospect of having all our time (and money) to spend solely on each other. Our kids were younger then but should have been "out" ...

Back on Track.....well mostly

Wed, 18 Jan 2012 22:00:11 EST

Ok, so I started the new year off newly committed (some people say I should be committed...I guess because I have 8 children) but I digress. I started off fresh with a new look at my plan (after gaining 5 pounds over a 3 month break) and the good news is that Hubby and I are doing GREAT with our healthy eating plan.

The bad news is that we have not added any exercise into our lives. Lets' examine why... we get up at 5:30 a.m. to get the 3 little ones ready for school and daycare. T...

New year New Me

Tue, 3 Jan 2012 22:33:35 EST

I love the new year. Although, the reality is, each new day is a new chance to start afresh, there is just something about a new calendar for me. I get out my new refill pages for my Day Runner and try to calculate when I could reach my goal weight if I stick to my healthy plans. I review my baby steps, clean out my pantry, shop for healthy foods, look up some new recipes, and get organized.

If I could take this same attitude each time I have an off day, how much closer to my goals...

Weigh and Measure Consistently

Fri, 30 Sep 2011 15:54:46 EST

I am making a promise to myself. "I will weigh once a week for the rest of my life!" Everytime I have lost weight and regained it (plus some) I know that there were several common threads that allowed me to fail. One of those threads that came unraveled was weekly weigh ins. When I stop weighing, I stop trying. I go into denial. As long as I don't see the scale creeping back up, I can pretend "what I ate today isn't so bad"

Weighing too often can have a negative effect as well. I h...

Next Baby Step - Move More

Wed, 21 Sep 2011 09:12:29 EST

If you have been following my blog, you know that by now, I have really developed the habit of eating a healthy breakfast (or drinking one most of the time). I drink a LOT of water and I am choosing better nutrition and more protein over refined carbohydrates.

Now I have to remind myself to really focus on this next one.... MOVE MORE! I was just starting to get this habit instilled when overnight I became a "Mom" again, and again, and again. No, I didn't have triplets. No, I didn'...

A-ha Moment (off my normal topic)

Fri, 9 Sep 2011 20:33:06 EST

So... this has nothing to do with the usual baby steps......

Some people are starting to notice that I am losing weight. I went from 269 to 246.6 in under 2 months, so they are starting to ask what I am doing. Then when I tell them, they sigh and say I wish I could do that, or I wouldn't be able to do that. I feel really sad for them because I am not even doing anything all that drastic.

When you do a little research and look at the facts, you find that...

Sug...

Baby Step Three - Plan Your Choices (Health Budget)

Thu, 8 Sep 2011 11:17:00 EST

The first two steps I gave are in the order of the baby steps I took to begin my journey to becoming healthy. This step is one I only recently adopted, but wish I had incorporated much sooner.

I am now looking at my daily log for nutrition and exercise in much the same way that I treat my checkbook. If I don't carefully plan out in advance how my money will be spent, I will find that I "have too much month left at the end of my money." In the same manner, I am now trying to plan th...

Baby Step Two - Water

Tue, 6 Sep 2011 10:44:09 EST

Ok so this may be a very boring post to some people but it is the second step I took so, I want to blog these in order.

I knew I should be drinking more water. You hear this "rule of thumb" all the time. What I hadn't heard were reasons that "clicked" with me.

Do some research on Spark or Google Scholar not regular Google - refer to previous blog for more info) and you will find a reason that motivates you personally!

For me, I found a few...

1. You...

Baby Step One - Healthy Breakfast

Thu, 1 Sep 2011 11:18:55 EST

Note: My blog is based on well documented research, but everyone needs to conduct their own research in order to determine what is best for their own health. I will gladly pass along any research I have done if you are interested. If you do conduct research, I recommend using Google Scholar ONLY. A lot of articles you read on the internet are based on opinion or taken out of context. Google Scholar allows you to search for the actual medical documentation that compares various types of diets ...

Healthy Baby Steps

Wed, 31 Aug 2011 14:39:13 EST

My very first blog entry....hmmm where do I start?

My husband and I attended a nutrition seminar in mid-July. The speaker was very knowledgeable and recommended changes to our nutrition that looked nothing like the USDA's food pyramid or even their new "Healthy Plate" guidelines. He quoted a lot of research. I was impressed and purchased his book, but I never take a speaker at their word ( or a blogger) - and I suggest you don't either!....but I digress... the point is, I looked at...

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