SOBERSUGARHED's SparkPeople Blog SOBERSUGARHED's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community back on the wagon Lately I have been riding the gravy train ! My baby is 5 and a half weeks old and I am suffering the consequences of my poor pregnancy diet . or lack thereof . I am at 190 and feeling awful . Workouts down to nothing though I have been getting back into hiking a little . I am ready to shed this extra weight and these icky feelings about myself. I have a girlfriend who had a baby 3 weeks before me and she is almost back to her pre preg weight and I am trying to not compare myself . Back to tra... Sun, 4 Nov 2012 18:24:37 EST I am 13 weeks pregnant :-) After 8 months of trying it finally happened! It had wreaked havoc on my diet. Because I have let it. I am still working out though not as much . The fatigue and food aversions of the first trimester were challenging. It was very strange , I did not want to eat veggies. Been craving a ton of carbs and eating them too. Getting bigger is hard but I am not doing much to keep that at bay by making healthy choices. I a pulling the wool over my own eyes. <BR> As of now I am not even that upset ab... Mon, 26 Mar 2012 11:07:30 EST checkin in ! sorry I used the f word :-/ me talking to me and talking to you and hoping it helps someone Sat, 14 Jan 2012 20:44:48 EST just checkin in sayin hi :-) think i might be addicted to is kinda wierd to see myself but it feels good to process things with myself and share it with you ! Wed, 27 Apr 2011 01:02:20 EST vlog #1 :-) here goes nothing! amanda thank you for inspiring me again! Mon, 25 Apr 2011 18:50:56 EST idk...... Feel okay...I exercised for 13 days in a row and took a break today. I dont think I have ever done that before! It fely good. My body was mildly sore just about everyday and I feel strong. I struggle (or maybe it's not a struggle) with staying inside my calorie range for 5 to 6 days out of 7 and then getting into that "last supper" eating mode on the day or 2 that I am more loose with my diet and dont count calories. Overall I do think I made progress with my night snacking.Toward the end of ... Sun, 20 Mar 2011 02:34:23 EST damn late night snacking! My goal for this week is to stop the late night snacking! I get bored, I wanna associate eating with relaxing and it may be at the time but not the next day or that night when I am adding it to my nutrition tracker! I have been staying in my calorie range for the most part(not last night , pizza yum! ) But I use it as an excuse to eat more even when I am not hungry! So my goal instead of having the cherries AND the 100 calorie popcorn at night is to just have one! I have been feeling okay abo... Mon, 14 Mar 2011 21:37:57 EST Feast or famine and some thoughts on that.... Well I was reading someone's blog today who mentioned that when she had been successful at weight loss was when she kept her calorie intake around 1100 calories daily ....which has been my experience too. It made me think hmmm that can never last though so it is either all or nothing. Being in the middle somewhere somehow feels like a half commitment or something.But obviously it is the better thing to be doing because eating that little amount of calories is just not sustainable for the lo... Tue, 22 Feb 2011 23:53:52 EST honestly NOT feeling good about my choices When I eat junkfood my brain tells me I am "free" and if I want it then darn it I should have it. I have been doing that too much lately and this "freedom" is turning me into a prisoner. I have an ember inside me right now that needs to catch on fire with a resored passion to get me back to health and true freedom! I dont know what it is that turns the fire on and then fans it out over and over but that is for sure what happens! I need to remember that what I put in my mouth has nothing to do... Mon, 22 Nov 2010 21:12:59 EST okay back to being accountable..... After my week long vacation in the bahamas and eating every day like it was Thanksgiving I am ready! I have not smoked in 2 months and 3 days and feel great. My trainer moved to Utah where she's from and I am working with a new one. I do not have my true goal weight posted as I was setting myself up to slack off but it is 130. My first trainer helped me to lose the first half of my weight and how appropriate that I am now working with a new one and am feeling recharged and up to losing this ... Wed, 3 Nov 2010 18:32:19 EST a quick hello and some goals for the day... hello!! i have been doing well . eating pretty much what i want ..sometimes in moderation and sometimes not.i have had a lot of get togethers out at dinner then the wedding weekend last weekend and just a lot of exposure to food that has no nutrition and i have a hard time sayin no! i have been keeping up with my workouts though and planning my breakfasts lunches and snacks. i have not smoked for 3 weeks and 2 days!! i weighed myself yesterday and was shocked to see that i had lost weight si... Tue, 5 Oct 2010 14:20:56 EST a quick hello and some goals for the day... hello!! i have been doing well . eating pretty much what i want ..sometimes in moderation and sometimes not.i have had a lot of get togethers out at dinner then the wedding weekend last weekend and just a lot of exposure to food that has no nutrition and i have a hard time sayin no! i have been keeping up with my workouts though and planning my breakfasts lunches and snacks. i have not smoked for 3 weeks and 2 days!! i weighed myself yesterday and was shocked to see that i had lost weight si... Tue, 5 Oct 2010 14:20:50 EST well there's a lot..... This weekend my sister-in-law got married. We don't have the best history but things are okay between us.I do hair and had done one upstyle on her awhile back and when I asked her how she liked it she said it's fine.I was asking her.."do you want your curls straighter? Do you want it higher?" her only answer was "It's fine" So knowing that she was engaged I let her know shortly thereafter that if she wanted me to do her hair for her wedding day that I would love to and if she wanted someone e... Sun, 26 Sep 2010 23:41:13 EST enjoying life and the journey of it....and ice cream ! so there is 5 weeks until i will be in the bahamas and i am fully aware i will not be at my goal weight by the time i leave and it is okay.i am at peace with the way i am living and feel no urge or compulsion to cut out anything from my diet or do anything other than what i am doing now....which is enjoying my life and taking things slow.i went to this dessert shoppe in scottsdale last night called sugar bowl and it was amazing!! it was my friends bday celebration and i ordered a huge sundae ... Mon, 20 Sep 2010 00:24:32 EST losing a pound a week for the last 7 weeks....... its good....not what the instant gratification junkie in my head wants but my heart and soul know it is good! i am creating habits and living in a way that i could live for the long restricting just being balanced and getting in my exercise. i am so bad about posting pics but these pics i have on here are all so old i need to post my pics when i was at my heaviest and now.the anniversary of the first time i started the hcg diet is comin up oct 24th to be exact....and i am at the wei... Thu, 16 Sep 2010 00:26:26 EST if you love ice cream but not the calories and fat ..... then i recommend you get yourself some arctic zero! it is pretend ice cream with approx 150 calories per pint and no fat. you can visit the website to see where it is available in your area or order form! yum i had the mint chocolate cookie one the other day and it was delicious. <BR> so ya , try it. on another note i have not been feeling my 100% self and have had a little cough..therefore i have not been smoking which is great but i do not feel as energetic especially when it co... Tue, 14 Sep 2010 00:04:17 EST not going to be an extreme person just gonna be me! its hard sometimes reading all of the ways different people accomplish their goals and not getting caught up in comparing myself or feeling inadequate.i am proud of everyone who is able to accomplish their weight loss goals in whatever way that works for them! my brain gets jumble on the calorie cycling, low carb no carb exercising for 10 hours a week no soda no white bread etc etc etc. what i am doing for me is producing results and i am living in a way that i could live for the rest of my l... Wed, 8 Sep 2010 02:23:49 EST slow and steady wins the race right? ya i think so....i need to know that i am healthy and that is whats most weight loss is slowing down due to 2 things 1) the less weight i have to lose the slower it will come off 2) i was making a habit out of eating cereal every single night. So i have a little less than 2 months till i go to the bahamas and a little over a month till i turn 30 (just sayin) cause yes these are great motivators but the habits i am creating will be a lifetime practice i know.i weighed in yesterda... Thu, 2 Sep 2010 21:48:19 EST feeling balanced..thank you god! it's been awhile since i've checked in so hello sparkers!! I am feeling balanced and happy . I have a friend struggling with an eating disorder and it is so nice to be able to pull out my journal and read her my feelings about being active in one myself. to tell her how i felt like a hopeless piece of crap and beat myself up and feel inadequate and like the day would never come when i would feel any different. see she met me after i had recieved treatment and healed from my eating disorder... Thu, 19 Aug 2010 23:19:25 EST feeling good excited to celebrate my friends 9 years of know what that means...cake! red velevet and yes i will be having my cake and eating it too.a piece of cake is not bad. a whole cake might not be great. i remember when i was depriving myself and then when i would eat something i told myself was "bad" i would start on a binge and engage in "last supper eating". which means i would say screw it i've already messed up so tonight will be my night to drive it into the ground since i am not ... Thu, 29 Jul 2010 14:55:47 EST i am not on a diet and am losing weight and inches!! it is amazing. i feel as though i could live this way forever.i plan and prepare most of my meals and snacks each night for the next day and track my calories .i eat when im hungry no matter where i am because i always have my food with me. i eat out with friends a few times a week and dont worry about the calories as i know a few times a week will not deter all the other hard work i am doing.i work out consistently and switch up my cardio every 3 weeks. i work hard and push my body and sweat... Wed, 28 Jul 2010 14:20:50 EST yay i graduate from intensive outpatient tomorrow!!! it has been 5 months investing 7 hours a week in my recovery from binge eating disorder and i am so proud of myself and god and grateful to have had this opportunity to be relieved of my crazy head!! this has been an extremely painful peeling of my onion but i feel like a million bucks now! that isolating self loathing miserable out of control chick i was when i started iop in january is gone gone gone! i am the woman that i want to be and the woman i know was trapped inside of me. i smile... Thu, 22 Jul 2010 02:30:34 EST obsession for binging still removed and learning to let go a little more each day i am doing well and staying consistent with working out and logging my food daily....if i havent logged a meal its cause i ate out and wasnt sure of the nutritional value or calorie content. i no longer let that rule my world. i just try to enjoy life and be a moderate person. that means planning and tracking what i eat daily but planning for times to not worry about it as well like eating out with friends a couple times a week. i am losing weight slow and in a healthy way . i am living in a ... Tue, 13 Jul 2010 01:41:39 EST my obsession for food has been removed :) i have been in intensive outpatient therapy for my binge eating disorder since march and doing a lot of praying and writing around my e.d. and finally have been losing weight in the last month. i am not weighing myself just tracking calories and working out and doing a lot of cardio. i feel amazing and am being kind and patient with myself. this experience has taught me so much and given me a lot of empathy and insight to people with weight problems. i have let go and need to remember the mor... Sun, 30 May 2010 22:59:30 EST totally binged today and it was a trainwreck i knew in the first few hours i was awake that today would not end well. it seems like a week is the number to beat of me not binging. i think this protocol just eggs my binging on and i need to get down to causes and conditions not 500 calories. i wanted it to work so bad and to fit onto my skinny jeans but my brain wants to kill me. i go to the doc monday and think i will go to an oa meeting monday. Fri, 5 Feb 2010 22:58:21 EST ok set up appt with a doc and a dietician the obsession for food is eating me alive. at the end of today i will be one week since my last binge. i have a serious problem and need treatment so first of all my brain can find some relief and second so i can be successful after this protocol. i know my disease is just resting for now and it is causing me quite a bit of sadness. i go in on monday! Fri, 5 Feb 2010 13:02:17 EST vlcd binging is resting but the obsession is not! i am so afraid. i cant stop thinking about sweets and carbs. before this diet.. i was binging so much like out of control like hitting 3 drive thrus in a row then the grocery store. so bad. my clothes stopped fitting and i was getting ready to grow out of the bigger clothes i had to buy very recently. i know that there is something going on inside of me that needs to be addressed. i am in so much pain right now thinking about what is to least i will get to be smaller while i am d... Thu, 4 Feb 2010 23:26:42 EST okay day 4 done! someone brought in homemade biscotti and i had a TINY bite..hoping this will not effect me too much it was so small! tomorrow i am going to mix veggies which i have never done before but i am having some diced tomatoes ( sauce) with fennel and shrimp. time will tell if this will stall me but i am hoping it wont. drinking a ton of water and staying positive! Wed, 3 Feb 2010 23:49:58 EST day 3 is about done!! i am feeling joyful. i have no idea though how you ladies can do full on workouts!! i worked out often before this diet and just taking the dogs for a walk is enough exercise for me! my body does not want to move around!! i had a great day..finished it off with the orange julius recipe (located in the p2 recipes thread) and YUMMYYYYYYY! yumm yum. i also enjoyed my walden farms bbq sauce with my chicken tonight. what i enjoyed most was the 5 pound loss i woke up to this morning!! go hcg!!!!!! Tue, 2 Feb 2010 23:18:14 EST on to day # 3 i finally stepped on the scale and though i did not step on the scale after my 2nd loading day due to fear, i am sure i have lost 5 pounds !yay prayed this morning for god to give me strength. also this time around i am not going to live in the future by looking up recipes all day long for p3 like i did last time.and i am definitely not going to go shopping for a bunch of sugar free dessert stuff before i was even off p2 like i did last time. i ended up binging on ice cream one night last tim... Tue, 2 Feb 2010 11:45:13 EST DAY 2 VLCD still did not weigh myself..think i will tomorrow though! i did an excellent job loading so i am not feeling hungry. my husband just went to breakfast ..lucky!!!! i hung back and went to the store and bought my foods and some walden farms bbq sauce and honey dijon. i will let you know what i have lost so far tomorrow! have a great day! Mon, 1 Feb 2010 14:02:19 EST day 1 vlcd and feeling ggggrrrreeat! amazingly. i was a little nervous with all the binging on junk food i did this weekend that there would be some cravings and there wasnt. also no hunger...probably still full from yesterday cause i ate till it hurt. loading is my specialty lol!! i did not step on the scale today or yesterday cause that sounded not fun. i will step on the scaLE tomorrow or maybe tuesday morning. i have some chicken prepared that i baked with a variety of spice rubs and some tilapia. ... Sun, 31 Jan 2010 20:01:40 EST day 2 loading uugghhh so bittersweet.....i am pigging out all over the place having a massive food funeral and it is disgusting. i will be more than happy to start my vlcd tomorrow.i purchased the drops (30 day supply) for $140 and i get worried with all the talk about scams that i am going to gain this weight during loading and just stay this way!! hahah i felt that way last time too and it was not the case. i just feel so sinful! i do not want to waste any drops on a preg test ( already did but i wasnt willing t... Sat, 30 Jan 2010 17:51:29 EST day 1 of loading man i feel delightfully and disgustingly disgusting. it is amazing that i will probably be craving all this crap i have eaten today quickly i forget. i am doing this hcg for the 2nd time and going to go into this with a positive and grateful attitude. i was a miserable person to be around the last time i was on it and i think it was because i was ungrateful...i told everyone i was on it and it became the focus of my every waking minute which sucked which i am not going to do this... Fri, 29 Jan 2010 22:31:34 EST starting hcg need instant gratification and i feel like i am giving up but this is going to be another part of my journey. i did it once before lost 18 pounds in 3 weeks and was miserable. i am going to try to go into this with a better attitude and now i know what to expect. i am so sorry ladies i feel as though i am letting you all down because it is the easy way (kind of and hopefully) OUT. i have become my own worst enemy. i binged hard core today and it was horrible. i am going through the steps (i a... Thu, 28 Jan 2010 23:17:30 EST i keep wanting to eat "at " people last night i was telling my husband that i passed up a cadbury egg at the store and i told my mom i just found out they were out for valentines day and that she told me i should have one and he said no you shouldnt and i said i didnt but i am sure i will.and he said why? and it pissed me off so bad it was automatic i wanted to eat a whole bunch of crap to be like f you i will show you!! i know he just said that because he loves me, he goes you cry about your weight why would you do that?? i ... Thu, 28 Jan 2010 10:24:27 EST slow and steady yesterday was a good day with a little hiccup that i am not ashamed friend brought me banana bread and i had 3 slices and gave the rest away ( she brought me two loaves!! ) the nerve!! but i have been working hard at the gym this week and am back on top of my cardio with a vegeance! i did not binge though and i stopped myself from going down the downward spiral! it was good. i also started taking a diet pill thermogenic thing called avesil...well see how it goes. i love fat burners and ... Wed, 27 Jan 2010 22:17:03 EST on to good day #2 burned about 620 calories today and am on track with my eating....i love what sleeping in does to my eating throughout the day!! :) i have all my food prepared and logged for the day. i will do legs class tomorrow and 40 minutes of cardio.preparing my food for tomorrow tonight cause i work a little earlier tomorrow. i am bloated and on tom a little irritable but just praying for god to remove my food obsession and hoping this week will be my best in a real long time! Tue, 26 Jan 2010 15:23:55 EST pretty sure i have developed a binge eating disorder and i had a horrible weekend. i kept a food log though and showed it to my trainer this morning and i bought some books on binging and am going to really work hard on controlling my emotions and finding and doing other things than eating when i am emotional. started tom this week too so that didnt help. once again i am starting over with a new resolve and someday, hopefully this week will be the last time i have to report this. i just keep on trying. i know beating myself up is not going to ... Mon, 25 Jan 2010 13:26:03 EST i did good yesterday i managed to brush my knees off and get back up again and not let my thursday night binge affect my day yesterday. i was a bit over zealous though by deciding to step on the scale this morning and i did not enjoy that. but i am probably gaining muscle as i just have gotten back to working out for the past two weeks and have been sore everyday. i am still scared. they said at the gym that in the fitness challenge at the gym i am in the least amount that has ever been lost is 8 pounds a month.... Sat, 23 Jan 2010 10:37:05 EST wow i am an idiot i am such an emotional eater. i hate it. if i keep on this way i will never lose weight. got in an argument with my husband=binge= man i feel so bad after i was feeling so good. Fri, 22 Jan 2010 01:19:00 EST been a little gym rat!! :) thought i would take the day off from the gym to let my body rest as i have been sore every day this week but my body still wanted to go to the did my mind!! i pigged out a little last night on fiber one cereal i just love it.....not that bad though. i really struggled last night with some sugar cravings and usually this meeting i go to has tootsie pops and red vines and i was going to have one of each..miraculously they were out!! so i went to the store and did not cave and buy any... Thu, 21 Jan 2010 14:48:56 EST i caved and weighed myself and i lost 2 pounds so yay!! i went to my leg class today and did 20 minutes (instead of 30) but i realised how out of shape i am ..i used to take that class and do cardio before and after without such a struggle. today i was struggling. tomorrow i am just going to do 30 minutes of cardio no strength...then friday i am going to take my first spin class. i have my food prepared, logged and i am off to work! have a great day! Wed, 20 Jan 2010 14:34:58 EST earlier i was proud of myself now not so much its not the end of the world or anything but i went over my calorie range today and at least i can say it was not from the chocolate that was at my meeting tonight or the pastries where i stopped to get coffee from!! it was from too much greek nonfat yogurt and agave nectar and a few too many a vast improvement but not my best effort for sure. it is one of those nights when i should probably be drinking more water but refuse to cause i dont feel like peeing in the middle of the night... Wed, 20 Jan 2010 00:27:40 EST pam olive oil spray has 0 calories!! just a few random thoughts and i thought that the pam olive oil had calories but finally checked and was thrilled to see that it does not. also just discovered that some people publich their food tracker on their pages and that i could publish mine!! it is so cool to see what people eat .also i had a dream about my collar bones last could see them in my dream!! soon i will see them in reality!! Tue, 19 Jan 2010 18:11:09 EST feeling good went to a step cardio class this morning even though i was sore from my trainer yesterday. i did not step on the scale this morning i have decided tp pay attention tho how my clothes are fitting and wait another week and a half then it will have been two weeks of consistent exercise and healthy diet. i do not want the scale to bring me down and as long as i am doing exercise and eating well i feel great.i will get measured and weighed again on feb 15th for my fitness challenge. Tue, 19 Jan 2010 12:26:16 EST mon jan 18 :) had a good day..pretty much stuck to my food plan. i wrote it in the morning and made a few alterations but stuck within my calorie range. had a great time with my trainer this morning and and 100 situps into my 200 spark streak goal for the day and man my abs are hurtin ;) yay. tomorrow i will take the step cardio class and pray i dont fall apart after!! feeling good. Mon, 18 Jan 2010 22:34:21 EST good day i bought the spark book last night and am mostly finished. it was awesome and i reccomend it to anyone. i started making my vision board , and have created my short long and medium term goals and chosen my rewards. i hiked this morning and stuck to my eating plan all day today so far. yesterday went well except i ate a popcorn ball at an aa meeting but it was 150 calories and within my calorie range for the day. i did a little cardio when i got home too. i set a spark streak and that will ... Sun, 17 Jan 2010 19:22:00 EST ready for this new day cause yesterday i was in a black hole, courtesy of my crazy brain!! i slept most of the evening.i did take a step cardo class yesterday though and i did get weighed and measured for the 60 day fitness challenge i am participating in at my gym.i was given a food plan and it was funny cause i was a little disappointed to see that it was nothing crazy like never eat bread or no fruit allowed. it included food. all kinds of food and it made allowances for sweets if i want them. it does have a m... Sat, 16 Jan 2010 11:47:45 EST AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH i am my own worst enemy. i am so good at manipulating myself and saying tomorrow will be different when it never is.i cant get a grip and it is consuming my brain and i am terrified. has anyone felt this way before?i want to start over but i cant believe myself!! i am trying to tell myself tomorrow i will start over. i am joining a 60 day fitness challenge so please pray for me. i am down on myself <BR> Thu, 14 Jan 2010 11:48:26 EST