SOARINGPHOENIX's SparkPeople Blog SOARINGPHOENIX's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Royally pissed off! I used to love sparkpeople but now I hate it. They want me to eat between 3190 and 3540 daily and work out 2.5 hrs a day. This is the final straw! No more tracking on here. Sun, 12 May 2013 21:45:17 EST game plan for blc break and blc 22 My plan is simple. Watch carbs and calories. Train 6 days a week and do st yoga and pilates. That plan starts this week. Mon, 29 Apr 2013 23:58:31 EST Lost my spark and motivation Since my depression has become an issue I have had to fight to work out and well I am not happy either since I am near 400 lb now. My feet are no longer a size 8 now. I am now a size 9. I am to say the least pissed. The antidepressant wellbutrin has caused me to balloon. Pristiq with Abilify never did. This is bull crap. I need to lose weight. Mon, 29 Apr 2013 11:38:56 EST Disgusted with care program Monday I found out that it discontinued paying for preventive measures. I am not too happy! I need that for my pre-diabetic state. I am angry about this. I did three things that may seem drastic but they had to be done. First I canceled all my appointments then I wrote them stating my position then I had a friend of mine put a letter in two papers where they are likely to get hit the hardest when they found out about this change in the paper. My goal in doing it was to make a point which is t... Wed, 17 Apr 2013 18:56:16 EST tomorrow I sing with the worship team I am getting overly emotional right now. I cried while praising God. Sat, 13 Apr 2013 23:44:20 EST made a mistake in planning I made a boo boo last night. Didn't plan accordingly for all my classes so missed a quiz in a class. Won't do that again. Tue, 9 Apr 2013 08:26:47 EST two very hard assignments and very little time I have two hard assignments in my classes and very little time to do them in. I am crossing my fingers I get them done. Sat, 6 Apr 2013 23:26:46 EST Seen nurse practitioner Saw Christy Brown today. She ordered another x-ray on my left knee. I go in on Tuesday for it. I think i might have jarred the knee cap from my recent fall. She spoke of seeing an orthopedist for it yet. Thu, 4 Apr 2013 22:45:17 EST Good Will is not cheap! I found out today that it is not cheap buying clothes for myself. I spent almost $30 on myself for clothes. I spent over $16 at Walmart for a skirt. Yikes. Tue, 2 Apr 2013 22:48:55 EST Took a leap of faith Today being Easter Sunday I made a huge decision! For months I have tried to be a part of my church's worship team. Only to be ignored and denied repeatedly! Today I spoke to a different worship leader and was accepted. His eyes lit up when I told him. I can't wait to start! Sun, 31 Mar 2013 22:57:14 EST Tomorrow I turn 33 Not looking forward to it. Funeral tomorrow for my friend and a lot of people who used to go to my church will be there.Not looking forward to that really depressed right now! Thu, 28 Mar 2013 23:11:31 EST 7 yrs gone Words cannot express the pain I still feel. My life is forever changed. Reading my mom's blog made me cry. I only hope that I can keep a promise to my late dad. Thu, 28 Mar 2013 00:29:38 EST why I can't work for those of you who think I am not doing anything. I have a very good reason for not being able to work. I have fibro and there are days I can't remember where I put things. I don't have a good memory anymore thanks to fibrofog. I also am in a lot of pain sometimes. A person from my church thinks because of fibromyalgia I can't work. There are days I end up in so much pain I can barely function. Yes a Kindle fire was bought but guess what I prayed about it and God said I needed it for class ... Tue, 26 Mar 2013 21:05:45 EST an explanation of my situation for people who don't understand 1. 2006 in March 2 days before my birthday my dad died <BR> 2. 2007 we sold our farm and house and chose to move to peshtigo <BR> 3. I ended up unemployed after working for a sheltered employment center <BR> 4. July 2007 or june of that year mom ended up unemployed <BR> 5. november of that year she gets rehired but by june 2010 mom ended up quitting at the nursing home she loved since things were unbearable <BR> 6. march and may 2012 with in 2 mos of each other we both decided to follow God's... Mon, 25 Mar 2013 11:40:43 EST scared to death that we will be homeless if help don't come soon I am scared about having to quit college because I will be homeless. I need to be strong but with no one talking to each other I couldn't take it anymore and felt like I needed to cry or doing something. My aunts don't care since they spent over 400 dollars for the newest and greatest kindle fire. The one that has a choice of 32 gb or 64 gb of memory. Mom and I chose to buy the Kindle Fire and we got it on ebay for 99 dollars. No shipping at all. But how much longer until we end up out on the... Sat, 23 Mar 2013 21:13:16 EST one week from today One week from today I will be 33. I am not looking forward to it mainly because mom and me are in dire need of help and my own family don't seem to care! I am so tired of fighting with them that is why I cut off contact. Did they get the hint heck no. I got an email this week saying that my aunt terri had decided to rub it in our faces that she can afford to buy new clothes for grandma while we can't. This week Weds. we went to see her we see that Grandma got some clothes in the mail. Mom ask... Fri, 22 Mar 2013 23:23:55 EST stiff as a board in legs sat too long now my legs are stiff. I hate it when they get stiff. I need to move around more. I can't stand being stiff all the time since then my legs ache and my knees hurt as well.. Wed, 20 Mar 2013 22:08:38 EST update on knee and ankle Officially I sprained my ankle and I bruised my knee cap. I know big ouch! I have to wear an ankle brace from now on. I was cleared to do my normal workout. So as of tomorrow I will do my normal workout. Tue, 19 Mar 2013 18:25:14 EST knee still acting up my knee still bothers me but tomorrow I see the foot doctor he was planning on letting me off but i would have none of it so I see him tomorrow and the nurse practitioner. Mon, 18 Mar 2013 23:14:57 EST two new classes start tomorrow I have two new classes tomorrow. Sociology 200 and Psychology 341 I have to write a 300 -500 word disussion board post for Sociology 200. So I am working on that right now. Someone asked when I filed my tax return. I filed it at the end of January mid February it was accepted. Sun, 17 Mar 2013 22:08:06 EST irs refund still not here My irs refund is still not here. I checked mine every day and it says mine is being processed yet. More like mine is being held cuz they think I am working when in truth I am not working at all. How dumb can they be! I don't drive so I don't have a job since there is nothing available. Mom gets hers now but mine they hang onto! Sat, 16 Mar 2013 20:33:50 EST have to study differently for college I have to study differently period. After barely making it in Child Psychology and U.S. History I need to push myself to study harder and do the best I can with getting my discussion board replies in. Well I need to study so will close. Fri, 15 Mar 2013 22:16:09 EST Going to see a foot doctor and nurse practitioner next Tue. Next week I see a nurse practitioner for my knee and also the foot doctor because my ankle caving in twice in a period of two weeks. I am hoping to know why it caves and not given the answer it is my weight doing it. This has gone on for many months possibly even years that I know something just isn't right. I would like to say something as well. Please don't scream at me in caps lock I don't appreciate it. Another thing please don't critique me saying no need to be rude or something similiar... Thu, 14 Mar 2013 18:34:42 EST for those of you who don't know Just like the title says I am going to speak my mind here. I can't drive so if you think I am going to walk to my doctor's office. Think again. My knee is banged up and very touchy right now. Wed, 13 Mar 2013 17:30:55 EST managed to get 120 mintutes of cardio in but hurt my knee badly today I eaked out 120 minutes but in the process of working out I hurt my knee. It is pretty bad looking. It is swollen and all scraped and bruised so one big ouch. I eaked my circuit training. I did 60 minutes of it but then my knee got stiff and I said okay that is it. I have enough. Here is hoping that it isn't going to hinder my workout plan. Tue, 12 Mar 2013 23:22:40 EST thought I would take the semester off but I realized that I can't I know I posted about taking off a semester but I realized upon reading something about my financial aid I really can't take off that semester. If I don't take classes in that semester I will end up losing financial aid. So in truth I had to rethink it and decided to take at least 2 courses to keep the financial aid. Tue, 12 Mar 2013 12:53:48 EST made a critical decision I made a decision today to take a whole semester off to focus on me. I will be honest without going into great detail about it. After having two classes with poor grades. I thought it would be best to take off until my mind is recouperated from all the learning. So I will start back up in the fall. Mon, 11 Mar 2013 22:04:15 EST for those of you who don't know about my college For those of who don't know about my college education that I am currently taking. I am not going to a local community college. My college of choice is Liberty University and it is 100's of miles away. All of my professors including my child psychology one I can not see outside of class since this is all online for me. I am following God's plan for my education. I am going to where He put me. So I can't see her outside of class. It would mean going to her home to see her. She has no office h... Sun, 10 Mar 2013 19:59:16 EST Disgusted with a professor I believe the psychology professor made herself unavailable to me on purpose since I tried contacting her and my emails came back. She also is intentionally flunking me. Since I never had this problem before with one. Say what you will but something stinks to high heaven about this mess. I do not like her attitude either. I never had trouble contacting a professor until now. Sat, 9 Mar 2013 19:35:28 EST blc plan for last 4 weeks plus a little worried about psychology 221 My plan for the last 4 weeks being the fact I haven't lost more than 10 lbs after regaining 10 lbs of the 13 I am going to c oncentrate on strength training and cardio and try and break it up since by march 18th I will have 3 class going again. I will also try and keep my calories under 2000 but aim for at least 1700 to 1900 a day if possible. Keep a watch on carbs and protein try and balance them out. Since I have IBS. Too much of either one can cause problems for me. Now for the worry part.... Fri, 8 Mar 2013 17:35:15 EST close to being done with classwork I am almost done with course work for 3 classes but I am still wondering about my grade for child psychology. I have one day left and I don't want to repeat the class. If I have to I will not be happy. I may retake it next sub term if I have to but me and the professor just don't relate to each other at all. Thu, 7 Mar 2013 19:49:50 EST turned in my last essay I turned in my last essay for english and it was bittersweet. I actually will miss that class. I have to do my other class work now. Such a sad week for me. Wed, 6 Mar 2013 23:09:00 EST sad and excited about college I am sad because I have one class I am struggling in that is Psychology 221 aka child psychology. I know it is required for both my degrees But I can't relate to it at all. I am hoping to at least pass this course. Excited because my sociology and psychology 341 books came today. Tue, 5 Mar 2013 13:56:44 EST can a patient talk to her doctor without yelling shut up to the doctor I ask this because this is the 2nd time I wanted to say something and couldn't. The 1st time was with Mamonov when I had an ibs issue that caused a problem and he gave me a lecture about cleanliness. This time I got a lecture from my podiatrist about my shoes. I couldn't even tell him I have heel and arch pain. So now I have to call the office and talk to his nurse what a pain in the butt! Mon, 4 Mar 2013 20:23:45 EST need some motivation lacking motivation right now. I am dealing with pain and just not feeling like working out. I think I may need a foot up the butt to help me get motivated. Sun, 3 Mar 2013 22:00:06 EST Biggest Loser Challenge reflections As I reflect on the round so far. I have learned that I am far from perfect. I mouthed off about my captain when I shouldn't have. Big mistake there that I can't take back. Jane never deserved it. We got past it but I love her and she knows it. I have lost 13 lbs in 2 weeks. 7 lbs away from my goal of 20 lbs. If I go past it. I will still plug along I need to get past 300 lbs and into the 200's I am so tired of being in pain. Sat, 2 Mar 2013 20:40:49 EST read karen kingbury's bailey flanigan series You heard right I read the whole series in one day. I couldn't help it really. I got started and wanted to know if Bailey would marry Brandon or Cody in the end. I ended up crying more than once. It is a really great series. I have her other series to read plus ted dekker yet. I am hoping that by reading wholesome books I will be able to write again. Sat, 2 Mar 2013 00:13:48 EST i am wondering if i have gone nuts I have decided to do two more courses for my degree which psychology 341 and sociology 100 I think I lost my mind. I am taking 6 courses this semester. Can someone please tell me I am sane and not insane. Thu, 28 Feb 2013 12:39:20 EST out and out disgusted with blc already This week I am so disgusted with blc i am thinking of quitting. I never got a notice from the captain like I usually do to post my weekend points or my lcw or my weight. I didn't even get a notice from the captain or co captain about the tnt. I am like what is going on! I don't feel a part of it now. This just isn't right. Wed, 27 Feb 2013 13:50:20 EST trying to do the best I can in school I am doing just as I said in my title. I have good grades in all but one class. I am not going to lie I tried to tell her something but she wouldn't listen as in the prof. I am not giving up. two more weeks remain. Mon, 25 Feb 2013 22:56:37 EST can't wait till this semester is half over I have 2 more weeks left and I will be on one class which is Biology. I am going to cut this short. I need to work out! Sat, 23 Feb 2013 21:10:54 EST Results came in It came back fine whatever it was has disappeared. So I am healthy in all regards minus my weight and cold. Well time for me to get to work on my reading assignments. Fri, 22 Feb 2013 14:26:18 EST Results still waiting on Today I expected to hear about the cat scan. I have not heard any word yet. I am on the breaking point. No news drives me nuts I know what you might say no news is good news. But cat scans are different. I was told 2 days later by phone and the next day with the surgeon. So you can't say it will be a letter. Cat scans are always a phone call and that is standard policy. I have no ambition at all right now. Thu, 21 Feb 2013 21:29:41 EST no results yet Stil no news. Don't say no news is good news since it takes two days sometimes to hear about a ct scan. Book report in late. I really am struggling with it. Maybe next semester will be easier. Thu, 21 Feb 2013 00:09:48 EST Test over now the waiting begins and weigh in results This morning concluded my wait for the test. It took about 6 minutes to do the test. Which is quick. I am glad that is over but now I have to see what he says. Weigh in results everyone are as follows and this is thanks to Jane gfyogamom my captain and the beach body coach fitnut mama. 7.5 lbs bit the dust this week. I am glad about the loss. Tue, 19 Feb 2013 20:05:39 EST boo computer has pissed me off You heard right I am mad. The pc is acting up a lot now. I am on a deadline with two papers and have very little time to do it in. Mon, 18 Feb 2013 23:12:47 EST time for a change next round I have chosen to switch team next round. I am going to be a courageous copper cougar. I know that it is time for a change I don't feel the same about the golden phoenix. I think a new team is in order for me. Well that is all from me. Sun, 17 Feb 2013 21:41:09 EST I am not as strong as you think You think I am strong think again. I am not. I have been crying in fits and spurts since Thur. morn's news. It took me for a loop. What was found on my lung I don't know! I only know Hallaweh is concerned and he ordered ct scan of the chest. They found something unsure what it is and to be honest this has me running scared. I am so scared that I burst into tears. Listening to Christian music only makes things worse. I am really taking it hard right now. Sat, 16 Feb 2013 21:32:26 EST essay book report and back issues I have an essay on media and how it affects behavior and a book report due in college. The family issue is out of my hands. I tried talking sense to the family to no avail! I don't need the stress from it when I have a cat scan Tue. plus back issues that are worse than I thought. I have ruptured discs and shoulder blades pressing on the spine so I am in pain a lot. If my family wants to bicker not my problem any more.! Fri, 15 Feb 2013 23:59:43 EST slowly growing in faith amidst my questions I am slowly growing in faith amidst my questions. Especially now when I found out I need to go in for a cat scan on my chest on Tue. morning. I am scared and scared of dying young. Since I have no clue what they will find. I am taking it day by day right now. I am hoping for good news. I am really unsure how to feel at this point. Thu, 14 Feb 2013 21:06:05 EST