SMIDGON's SparkPeople Blog SMIDGON's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community I HAVE RETURNED It's been awhile. The family has been through so much. <BR> After Johns passing. Hubby and I still haven't come to terms with it. Some bittersweet memory can strike and I'll have a melt down. <BR> <BR> The 5th of June marked 8 mos.. <BR> About a month ago, I lost my 30+ yr. BFF . She had a palsy that left her completely bedfast. She was totally dependent on others. <BR> <BR> Our Lexie (the Yorkie ) will be 14yrs. On July 8th. She is aging fast. <BR> <BR> Hubby will be 81yrs ... Mon, 19 Jun 2017 07:53:51 EST HAPPY EASTER It's been awhile since I have blogged! <BR> <BR> It's been a bad winter and Spring. I still miss John so much. Life will never be the same. We visit his grave site every week. They filled it in this week. The stone should be installed after Memorial day. <BR> <BR> I have been visiting my friend of close to 40yrs twice this past week. She has been in a Nursing facility for some time. The last time Wednesday I was there sitting with her husband and holding her hand. She passed aw... Fri, 14 Apr 2017 07:50:17 EST FAMILY - GET TOGETHER Yesterday we made a 40 mile trip up to the nursing faculty where our eldest and Emma, her 50+lb. Pit - Bull service dog are residing temporarily. Emma, appeared happy to see her "Grandma". She just loves company! <BR> <BR> Daughter and her two were there. Youngest, her hubby and her youngest were also. We had the usual empty chair in Johns honor. <BR> <BR> The time was in the conference room. We didn't see any staff at all. All to ourselves. We had it for 3hrs.. <BR> <BR> Then, h... Sun, 19 Feb 2017 07:23:10 EST JOHNS DAY I intended to post yesterday, but, couldn't bring myself to do so! <BR> <BR> John turned 53yrs yesterday. He passed on a Wednesday and yesterday was a Wednesday. <BR> <BR> We went to the cemetery (like any other week) we placed three red silk roses on the grave <BR> <BR> His fav donut is glazed. So we each had one. We had the empty chair and set up like at Christmas Listened to hymns. <BR> <BR> The T-shirt quilt that a co-worker of our younger daughter is making sent pics of ... Thu, 16 Feb 2017 06:14:19 EST I NEED SOME FEEDBACK I have a situation I would like some feedback about <BR> <BR> As you all know our Beloved Son passed away on Oct. 05, 2016. <BR> <BR> We have two daughters who live in In.. The youngest lives in Indy.. the eldest across the state line from us. The youngest came to see her bro. Where ever he was at the time. And she lives 94 mile from us. The eldest living across the state line didn't come until he was in his 9th mo. Of suffering. Not even when he was in the hospital across the road f... Mon, 23 Jan 2017 13:13:56 EST WHERE ARE MY BLOGS? I wrote another blog yesterday but where is it? <BR> <BR> I wrote that yesterday (Oct 05 ) was the third month since John has left us. <BR> <BR> It meandt so much to me to share that with you all ! I miss him so much. <BR> <BR> Now the weather is bad, and I can't get out. <BR> <BR> Hubby's health is decling. It has been bad for quite some time. But with us losing John it has gotten much worse! <BR> <BR> Besides my grief, mine mainly is my balance. I use my cane, otherwise people ju... Fri, 6 Jan 2017 19:00:50 EST WHERE ARE MY BLOGS? I wrote another blog yesterday but where is it? <BR> <BR> I wrote that yesterday (Oct 05 ) was the third month since John has left us. <BR> <BR> It meandt so much to me to share that with you all ! I miss him so much. <BR> <BR> Now the weather is bad, and I can't get out. <BR> <BR> Hubby's health is decling. It has been bad for quite some time. But with us losing John it has gotten much worse! <BR> <BR> Besides my grief, mine mainly is my balance. I use my cane, otherwise people ju... Fri, 6 Jan 2017 18:56:37 EST PERPLEXED! This is my third post in a row. So far all has been rejected. <BR> <BR> All different. <BR> <BR> MERRY CHRISTMAS Sun, 18 Dec 2016 19:27:43 EST HOLIDAYS Hubby and I made it through the THANKSGIVING We didn't go to younger daughters family get-together. We felt we might not be good company since it was the first holiday w/o John ! <BR> <BR> Hubby went and got out carry-out dinner. Then we spent the rest of the day, watching separate TV'S in separate rooms. Long sad day. The main thing is we made it. <BR> <BR> But, for Christmas we have a family get-together. We are going to go for it. It is a luncheon with gift giving. Our eldest... Tue, 6 Dec 2016 06:59:31 EST ANOTHER BUSY WEEKEND Yesterday morning our youngest came in for the weekend. <BR> <BR> We sorted 15+ big black garbage bags of Johns clothes. In October we had gone through some bags. I didn't know men had that many clothes! He had scads of clothes with tags on them. I kept a denim jacket, blue T-shirt and Ohio State jacket. OHIO STATE was his fav..WE TOOK A trunk load over to Goodwi ll, some to a thrift store. She took some home for her son and Hubby. <BR> <BR> Then the rest to her Church's rummag... Sun, 13 Nov 2016 17:00:42 EST LIFE GOES ON! I felt like it was time to blog again. <BR> <BR> After Johns funeral I became sick. UTI . As usual I got a reaction from the shot. I became disornated. Then, itching. <BR> <BR> When I got the notification that John had passed, I felt unusually calm. It was expectef. Just not necessarily then. Even through my calmness, I felt like a hunk of my heart dislodged and sunk to my stomach. I just can't shake it. I'm trying to find little ways to overcome it. He always wanted me to b... Wed, 9 Nov 2016 14:19:29 EST JUST A TID-BIT "The emptiness that only losing a child can bring. " Mon, 24 Oct 2016 17:57:52 EST HELLO, It has been a very long month! <BR> <BR> Somehow we all survived getting ready for the visitation and Funeral. There were many friends of Johns we didn't realize he knew, and many didn't realize he is our son. <BR> <BR> He had a beautiful (if you could put it that way) funeral. Considering he didn't actually 'belong' to any one Church. Our Senior Pastor had the service and our Music Pastor, sang and paid tribute to John. It sure helped us, his family get through it. The family wer... Mon, 24 Oct 2016 06:58:31 EST JOHN MARTIN PAXSON This blog isn't coming through. <BR> <BR> JOHN MARTIN PAXSON went home to be with the Lord at 3 : 45 a.m. this morning. <BR> <BR> Thanks for all your prayers and concerns. Wed, 5 Oct 2016 11:52:12 EST JOHN MARTIN PAXSON <BR> <BR> <BR> John passed away peacefully at 3::45 a.m. this morning, oct.05,2016 Wed, 5 Oct 2016 05:04:52 EST JOHN The papers have been signed for the HOSPICE "COMFORT CARE" TO BEGIN. <BR> <BR> WHILE he's on a regular diet he is only able to eat a little. Sometimes it is only pudding and milk. He's always been a big eater, now it's so disturbing to see him this way. <BR> <BR> He has the trouble chewing and swallowing. I'd like to hug him and kiss him when he's having trouble. But, at the same x I don't want to embarrass him and call attention to it. <BR> <BR> my mind goes back to 1950 at the age o... Sat, 1 Oct 2016 09:23:57 EST PRAYERS FOR John John is declining fast. It's just a matter of waiting for God to call him home. <BR> <BR> He is in the nursing faculty with HOSPICE. <BR> <BR> It's hard to lose a child, no matter their age. <BR> <BR> The family needs all the Love and Prayers you can give them. <BR> <BR> Larry andJANET <BR> CHRISTINE and FAMILY <BR> CELESTE and FAMILY Sun, 25 Sep 2016 08:41:09 EST DEAR JOHN "Dear Lord, help us go on!" <BR> <BR> John started to give us an uneasy feeling over the weekend. <BR> He ate good on Sunday. Monday he wouldnt eat. He became hoarse, had trouble swallowing. Would drink fluids, though. <BR> <BR> Till Monday, I tried to contact ofc. But, as is usual, not one response. If he had gotten any worse, we would have headed to the ER. <BR> <BR> Yesterday was HHC NURSE day. She checked John out, called oncology. <BR> <BR> Finally got started, now diahhra.... Wed, 7 Sep 2016 06:36:16 EST WHO CALLED ? One day while I was out, one of you sweet ladies called! <BR> <BR> I understood it was Linda. However, for the life of me, I drew a blank. Help me out. <BR> <BR> There are times when I think my allergies are bothering my eyes when they tear up. Then I realized that's not what it is. It's tears. I'll get awake in the wee hours of the morning,and I'm thinking of John. Then I'll say the Lord's Prayer to bring comfort. <BR> <BR> One time I'll go to see John and he'll rush to the ... Sun, 4 Sep 2016 15:14:35 EST JOHN John isn't doing so well ! <BR> Please forgive me if I repeat myself. <BR> At this point sometimes I do believe I am losing it! <BR> <BR> I believe I told you all about John test not being well. <BR> In case I am wrong, his tests showed his liver cancer is still there and the spots somewhat larger. There is a cluster on his abdominal wall. They couldn't tell for sure just what it is. They didn't have any reason to believe it was anything else then cancerous. <BR> <BR> Since then... Fri, 2 Sep 2016 05:05:19 EST UPDATE ON JOHN John had another set of tests this past Monday. During the night he vomited. When we took him over for his Chemo, they had already canceled it until next Tuesday. The Chemo isn't working. They are going to try another set of drugs. These can have bad side-effects. Like skin issues. <BR> <BR> The spots on his liver are still there. In fact, they are larger. There is a cluster of something on the abdominal wall. They have no reason to believe they are anything but cancerous... Thu, 25 Aug 2016 17:52:42 EST ONE QUESTION: What is the one thing that makes you feel good about yourself? <BR> <BR> Mine is my hair ! <BR> If my hair looks good, then I can basically deal with anything else. <BR> VANITY? I suppose so, but what the heck, if that is what it takes, so be it. <BR> <BR> I noticed that when I was drinking my morning coffee. I wondered how my hair would look today. If I would need to wear my wig, one of two, which perfectly match my hair color. But what about when I took the wig off? Sun, 21 Aug 2016 05:49:38 EST I don't believe it, the sun is shining, here in central Ohio ! My hair completely dried out. The little natural curl I have, showed up! <BR> I 'picked' it out this morning. The cut was good enough , and styling that it isn't the way like I wanted it, but, it'll do until I go in Friday. <BR> <BR> I prefer to go in twice a week. My arms are weak so it's impossible for me to wash, dry, and style any amount of time. I go to a chain salon that is super aforable. And, with my senior citizen discount, I can afford it. I have been going there for ... Wed, 17 Aug 2016 16:19:10 EST AN UNBELIEVEABLE DAY ! We needed the rain so bad---but, REALLY, enough, enough ! <BR> <BR> Next Monday John has the 3mo. CAT/IMAGING. Then his blood work for Chemo. That's on Tuesday. This round of Chemo is starting to wear him out. Outside of sitting on the porch, he spends much of his time in his room, napping. This is the Good week, if you can call it that. He and I are planning to go out to lunch. I hope it isn't pouring down! His hair is graying (but he is 52). But, his hair is thinning. ... Wed, 17 Aug 2016 06:48:18 EST MIXED BAG OF EVENTS! John had another treatment today! They are making him more tired. <BR> <BR> I had another blood draw yesterday. If that dr calls me again, wanting me to take more b.p meds.. I am going to unload on him. He has me on 4 different b.p. meds NOW. And, my pressure still going up and down. I am so unbelievable zoned now. I can sleep all day, and all night! <BR> <BR> I went to the bank this morning and, stopped at "Dollar Tree ". Got a few things there. Could barely make it ho... Tue, 26 Jul 2016 14:39:47 EST MUSSINGS It is so hot and dry! <BR> We are to get storms which aren't good. I HATE storms! Especially at night. <BR> I had a melt down yesterday. There's Johns Chemo today. Then Larry will have to spend a lot of time with him. He has to have his temperature taken every hour. <BR> <BR> <BR> I am getting things together for the Church's Yard Sale. <BR> <BR> It's one thing after another. <BR> <BR> You all keep safe. Tue, 12 Jul 2016 05:44:00 EST BLESSINGS GOD BLESS AMERICA, <BR> <BR> AMERICA BLESS GOD! Fri, 8 Jul 2016 06:24:47 EST things are in an uproar ! John is still undergoing Chemo. He has made his peace a d periodically talks about the road ahead. I t hurts to hear him do such, but glad he is not in denial. <BR> <BR> As for me, I have been going to the dr a good bit. A lot of blood work. The dr says I look terrific . But I'm not! He called me last Saturday afternoon. He wanted me in there past mo day morning for more blood work. Apparently he is Chec king for low sodium. It mocked FI bro.and CFS. <BR> <BR> Mor... Wed, 6 Jul 2016 14:32:46 EST JOHN John had his blood work this morning. Tomorrow morning he goes for Chemo #2.. <BR> The day after his first one he was getting tired. He has 15 more cycles to go! That takes him to the 28th of December of this year. <BR> <BR> He says he doesn't have pain. But when he walks at xs he will hold his side. I called him on it. But, he denied it. The HHC NURSE told him that he didn't have to have pain. He knows what he has that he can take. I suppose he does. <BR> <BR> Will be b... Mon, 13 Jun 2016 20:49:53 EST UPDATE ON John So far, so good with John. He went back this morning to have the pump removed. <BR> <BR> On the pile of papers they gave us, when they said the Chemo may be indefinitely, do any of you know if that means straight through without a two week break from running tests? <BR> <BR> I can't believe it means Chemo for the rest of your life every other week. Even with us reading <BR> Fri, 3 Jun 2016 11:26:52 EST guessing game Today's blog will be a 2 - part series! <BR> <BR> Someone came to the door, hubby was outside for a good amount of x. <BR> He came back in announcing someone was coming to trim our big beautiful trees. AND, they are doing it for a terrific price. I have seen how some of these yahoo's trim your trees! <BR> <BR> I said they are going to scalp our beautiful trees. O but no they wont. One oother time an outfit did, and eventually the whole tree was leveled! <BR> <BR> the next x I actually... Tue, 31 May 2016 15:07:09 EST Johns acceptance of BAD NEWS. John realizes that Chemo is his only option. <BR> <BR> He talks freely of death and Heaven. There are places he wants to see and places to eat. That is something he has control over. Whatever he wants and we possibly can do, we will see he gets what he wants. <BR> <BR> Lord, have Mercy! Sat, 21 May 2016 15:27:56 EST BAD NEWS ! The bottom fell out of our world this afternoon. <BR> <BR> John is now STAGE 4 <BR> <BR> All three suspicious spots on his liver are cancerous. <BR> <BR> He will have to have Chemo. Indefinitely. <BR> <BR> He will start June 1st.. Wed, 18 May 2016 16:41:26 EST NEWS I thank you all for your prayers. <BR> <BR> we got a call that John goes back to the oncologist next Wednesday for the result of the last testing. He has been complaining about his back hurting. Oh, Lordy, NO! <BR> <BR> please <BR> PRAY, PRAY, PRAY,!!! <BR> <BR> Fri, 13 May 2016 15:02:31 EST biopsy Johns biopsy is next week. <BR> <BR> We got a call from our youngest late afternoon yesterday Hubby's B-i -L passed away. He was near 80 (same age as hubby). He had had a stroke on tuesday. About 20yrs. Ago he had had one that left him partially paralyzed. <BR> <BR> That is the third death in hubby's family since last August. The other two were in their 50s. <BR> <BR> Today is HHC. Busy, busy, busy. Meanwhile our house remains much the same! <BR> <BR> OUR 'BABY' is 49 yrs. Old t... Tue, 3 May 2016 06:19:11 EST LORD HAVE MERCY Well, we took John to the oncologist yesterday afternoon. <BR> <BR> There was some areas, but, the oncologist felt they were scar tissue and such. He will be watching them. <BR> <BR> However, there are 3 suspicious spots on his liver! He will be having a biopsy. Then, if confirmed, he will have to have Chemo. . Surgery and Radition is NOT a option. In some cases Chemo is indefinitely. <BR> <BR> He took it quite well! For an Autistic man, you wouldn't have spotted the Autism. <BR> ... Thu, 28 Apr 2016 06:11:45 EST TODAY Yesterday when Hubby took John to the urologist. The urologist said, depending on the report today from the oncologist, then he would decide on whether to remove the Stent and not replace, or to replace it. <BR> <BR> You see, they have to be dealt with every three months! <BR> <BR> We go to the oncologist this afternoon. He wants to eat out afterwards. I did tell him, if for some reason, he is too tired to eat out; we will do it another day! <BR> <BR> Regardless which way it goes, w... Wed, 27 Apr 2016 09:57:47 EST ANOTHER ONE! WHAT IN God's name is going on? <BR> ANOTHER ONE.! <BR> <BR> A young family man belonging to our Church Gatherings was ill. Instead of getting better, he steadily got worse. This past Sunday he went to the ER.. after much testing, he was admitted to the ICC in critical condition come to find out; he has a fast growing lung cancer. <BR> <BR> Yesterday a special prayer session was called for yesterday evening. Hubby and I felt compelled to attend. He is in mid twenties (???).with a wife... Tue, 26 Apr 2016 06:42:39 EST WHAT S UP? Well, today starts Johns testing. <BR> <BR> As you know, he finished his Chemo.. <BR> <BR> Today he had his blood work drawn. <BR> This next Monday he has his colon/abdominal cavity /kidney/and pelvis area CT SCAN done. Also, they added the second CT SCAN for his chest. <BR> On Tuesday of next week he has his kidney Stent either replaced or removed completely. <BR> <BR> On Wednesday of next week he goes back to the oncologist, to find out if the Chemo. Did it's job. <BR> <BR> I am aski... Thu, 21 Apr 2016 18:08:18 EST LOOK WHAT I FOUND! All this stress is starting to take its toll on hubby and I! <BR> <BR> the signs keep rearing their ugly heads. But, that's neither here nor there. I try to outsmart everything that comes along. <BR> <BR> Anywoo, yesterday before I went down to Johns I went to "Dollar Tree ". I wanted to get a few things, plus see what new Spring articles they had out. Mostly things for my Secret Sister at Church. Also, there is also my oldest daughters ex-girlfriend. I've been helping her at Church.... Thu, 14 Apr 2016 10:03:59 EST WHOA, NELLIE We woke up to 3-4" of snow overnight! <BR> Underneath it all, ICE ! <BR> It is to be in the 20 ' s all day! <BR> <BR> John and I are staying in all day, because of our weak bones! <BR> <BR> Hugs, <BR> Lexie and Janet Sat, 9 Apr 2016 09:27:33 EST #TIBET Yesterday I went to the dr. Due to almost impossible weight bearing! <BR> They took an x-ray. I was concern because of neuropathy and because of osporsporous (???) <BR> But, it is similiar to my long - x back problems. Wear and tear of joints! I am determined NO SURGERY. So I got a call from the pharmacy saying my insurance didn't cover it. Out of pocket it would be $205.00 ! Can you believe it. I kindly told them to keep it. I opted for a topical 3 x a day. Also my allotment of no... Fri, 8 Apr 2016 08:37:06 EST TIBET We spent the morning in a legal conference call for Special Needs Trust Fund. <BR> <BR> Anyone done this? Wed, 6 Apr 2016 16:34:52 EST ONCOLOGIST This past tuesday I took John to see his oncologist. I was very upset not knowing what John and I were going to hear! He told John he had done everything he could for him at this time. <BR> <BR> He told John that at least for the x being he was done with Chemo.. <BR> The last week of April he has more blood work; an CT scan and another Oncologist appt. <BR> <BR> He said it was a massive cancer. They had their fingers crossed as to whether they had gotten it all! The surgeons had done a... Thu, 31 Mar 2016 14:35:54 EST HELP! I just lost my very important blog I just posted. <BR> <BR> Is there any way I can get it back? Mon, 28 Mar 2016 20:31:43 EST IT'S A BEAUTIFUL DAY! By golly, it looks like Spring. <BR> <BR> HAPPY EASTER to one and all! <BR> <BR> Hugs, <BR> Lexie and Janet Sat, 26 Mar 2016 15:51:17 EST SPRING IS HERE! First of all, HAPPY EASTER! <BR> <BR> Hubby had his colonscopy yesterday morning. <BR> He is x with Diverticulosis. Now the rest is up to hi m! <BR> <BR> I am exhausted. Going to get my hair done shortly. Slow day planned for today. This evening am going to pick up Church Meal of homemade Chicken and Dumplings for the three of us. That's it! <BR> <BR> HOPEFULLY!!! <BR> <BR> LEXIE AND JANET <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <em>449</em> Wed, 23 Mar 2016 09:51:08 EST AN OPEN COMMENT I have encountered a issue that I wonder if anyone else has ever! Surely I'm not the "Lone Ranger'! <BR> <BR> I became 'friends' with this wonderful person I met in the Summer of 2010. We 'bonded' from Day 1. Through thick and thin. It's hard for me to become BFF. There are just some things that are hard for me to share. It takes me awhile to trust that well. Slowly that trust developed. I was there for her through thick and thin. Through family proplems; through health issues (both... Thu, 17 Mar 2016 07:05:54 EST TODAY HAPPENINGS! what a day this has been! John had his last Chemo. His appt. Was 9a.m.. until they finished doing his blood work, and weighing him , it was 12noon before they got his Chemo. started. <BR> <BR> They hooked up his last bag at 2p.,.. We backed out our parking space at 3:05! After got home, he called and said he was so tired. I wondered if my voice sounded as tired as his. <BR> <BR> I just wanted to let you all know about today. <BR> <BR> John sees the oncologist in two weeks after his b... Tue, 15 Mar 2016 20:25:30 EST I'm back! QUESTION: <BR> Has anyone else have to reenter their password on SP? That popped up several days ago. <BR> I was reclining and too exhausted to get up and get my paper out. But, I knew I would have to do it, so I finally did this morning. So, here I am. <BR> <BR> Now for the updates! <BR> <BR> John has his last treatment next week. I probably will be having to take him. I go from x to x anyway. <BR> <BR> Then they will schedule his tests. <BR> <BR> Hubby finally got his appt. For his... Fri, 11 Mar 2016 08:58:09 EST