SHREKWARD's SparkPeople Blog SHREKWARD's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community It's arrived! It's arrived but without bolts <em>39</em> ! Fri, 22 Mar 2013 16:11:32 EST New floor! In, fitted, looking good! <BR> <BR> I thank you! Thu, 21 Mar 2013 14:02:11 EST The Osmonds! Went to see Merril, Jay and Jimmy in Peterborough this evening! <BR> What nostalgia! Unfortunately Wayne Osmond has been ill and had to cancel the tour. <img src=""> <img src=""> <img src=""> <BR> I can't dance so no calories burnt watching the concert! Wed, 18 Apr 2012 19:26:38 EST It's been a while! It's been a while since I last blogged. What with hospital appointments and now getting involved in many ways with the local Spiritual church, the only spare time I've had as been spent on my garden. <BR> I'd love to know how many calories have been burnt carrying the tons of bricks, slabs, stones, sand and soil! <BR> So I thought I'd show the progress so far. <img src="">Before <BR> <img src=" Mon, 26 Mar 2012 04:06:02 EST Here we go again! Here we go again, life (or death) Mon, 20 Feb 2012 08:47:15 EST To look out the window So much exercise is awaiting me in the garden as Winter begins to take hold on the piece of land I call mine! <BR> All the digging, cement mixing, brick laying, planting and sitting back and taking in the fruits of my labours! Not to mention the great fruit and veg which will come from it all too. <BR> I'm itching for new life to start again but aware not to wish my life away also! <BR> It's too precious! Sun, 11 Dec 2011 05:52:46 EST To have known worries. How wonderful to have no known worries for the first time during 2011 and for perhaps the last 15 years. <BR> Life feels great and I only need to get my Sparklife "fully" back on track and it will all be complete! Sat, 10 Dec 2011 13:38:42 EST Now it's the first day! Today is the beginning of a new chapter as it the first day of being in my 50's! <BR> 50 today HOORAY! Fri, 2 Dec 2011 02:53:32 EST It's the last day! Well, it's here! <BR> So much is going on in my life at the moment and all for the good! <BR> Well, it's the last day today of me being in my 40's, tomorrow I'll be 50 years of age! <BR> Another decade, another year and another day older and hopefully somewhat wiser finally! Thu, 1 Dec 2011 05:19:20 EST Grandfather! 30th November 2011 will be a day I will remember forever as today I became a natural Grandfather to a baby boy weighing in at 6lb 7oz! <BR> 6lb 7oz seems like a weight loss entry here at Sparkpeople but, this weight is just a small bundle of joy! <BR> Both Mother and baby doing well! <BR> Chris. Wed, 30 Nov 2011 12:56:06 EST The freedom is great! Wearing my kilt has been such a comfortable feeling and the freedom feels great! <BR> I will leave you to decide whether the myths are correct or not!!!!!!!! <BR> I'll be posting pictures very soon folks! <BR> Chris. Tue, 29 Nov 2011 04:53:57 EST Today is the day of days! Well, here I go! <BR> K day (not D day!) has arrived. <BR> The K "stands" for kilt, and today is the day I've chosen to wear it out in public for the first time. <BR> Amazing how weightloss can inspire new confidences! <BR> <BR> Wish me luck! <BR> <BR> Here I go! <BR> <BR> Sun, 27 Nov 2011 04:35:29 EST A great time to plan. Well in the USA, the good people of that nation just celebrated Thanks giving day, and together in a months time, we will both along with all the christian world celebrate Christmas. <BR> I have all my adult life wondered where the true meaning of this "festival" as dissapeared to. <BR> Instead, it has become a festival of over indulgence of both food and alcohol. <BR> Both in excess often leads us to regret our "over" intake within a few hours, but it doesn't need to be this way. <BR> Now i... Fri, 25 Nov 2011 23:09:31 EST I'm back for good! I'm back and this time for good! <BR> My drugs although (as mentioned in my last blog) may hinder me slightly in weight management, I will on the advice of the readers of said blog use distractionary tactics to help avoid the pitfalls! <BR> As of today I am dedicating my whole life to ..........................................<BR>......ME! <BR> That is, I'm going to get the health and fitness my body and mind deserve and so have retaken up the challenge of being the leader of the team "UK Me... Fri, 25 Nov 2011 04:39:08 EST Oh the drugs! I have just been prescribed a mood leveller with a view to helping me with my "Borderline Personality Disorder" and I am somewhat fearful of the desire of craving excessive carbs. <BR> Apparently, this type of medication leads to these cravings and there are signs of this already begining to show! <BR> I don't want to undo all the hard work I've done over the last 2 years by this "tablet" but, realise that the benefits mean there is less chance of attempted suicides. <BR> So for now I'll just... Wed, 23 Nov 2011 16:03:28 EST The "Kilt" Well, I've done it! Well, actually not! <BR> What I mean is, I've ordered one! <BR> It was a promise to myself if and when I got through this dreadful period of my life. <BR> <BR> Now I know that some of you will ask what part of Scotland am I from, and my response to that is, does everyone who wears jeans, do they come from America? (well I know a lot of you are as it happens!) It's just that I've always wanted one and now just for everyday use (not formal) I want to wear one! And with my n... Mon, 21 Nov 2011 15:18:14 EST The pain continues! A weeks worth of Antibiotics and still the pain from the teeth persists! I am due to have the offending two out next Wednesday, but another trip to the Dentist is needed this morning for another dose! <BR> I am so looking forward to having a pain free world by the end of next week. <BR> All this makes the exercise hard (although I am at it!) as it just makes my face "pump" with pain from my right temple down to the bottom of the jaw. <BR> Well, that's my moaning done for the day! <BR> Have a ... Fri, 7 Oct 2011 04:03:51 EST Great weekend (at last!) But oooooh, the toothache! For the first time in a very long time, I had the most wonderful weekend, and with unseasonally brilliant weather, the weekend was just fantastic! <BR> We had friends and neighbours around in our new Mediterranean "courtyard" garden, and without shame had a BBQ with a lump of "rubbed" beef, whole Thyme basted chickens, Minted lamb breasts, real hot chicken wings,caramelized buttered cobs of corn, bacon wrapped mushrooms and an whole array of roasted "Meddy" veg! All followed by the quint ess... Mon, 3 Oct 2011 05:41:11 EST It's over! Now back on with the job! Well, it wasn't nice, it wasn't easy. <BR> The outcome wasn't as good as I wanted but, with life, whatever is? <BR> My final court appearance has now passed and now along with my mental treatment starting tomorrow, I can now start to concentrate back on the job properly to gain health and shed pounds. <BR> So, here's to getting back to it .........................HARD! <BR> <BR> Take care all, <BR> <BR> Chris. Wed, 28 Sep 2011 03:31:49 EST Good days, bad days. We all have these don't we. <BR> Mine of late have been somewhat extreme. <BR> One day I'm happy laying a few slabs to help create another sitting area in the garden or picking fruit etc., and another I'm in hospital feeling so low that I have taken another overdose. <BR> The problem is I never know how and when these days will strike, leaving me in an hospital bed for 4-5 days confused and ashamed of myself. <BR> Today I am having my initial appointment with the "Intake and Treatment" team i... Fri, 23 Sep 2011 03:28:27 EST Now just 3 weeks! 3 weeks to go, and hopefully I may be able to get my life back together. <BR> 2011 has been a very very hard year for me and although with time in general has already made fast progress towards it's end in December! <BR> And with many problems and personal issues, at least I'm coming to terms with it all and the help that I have been receiving. <BR> <BR> One of the best medicines I have found is distraction. I have found this in my garden and it takes me to places where no one can touch or h... Sun, 14 Aug 2011 05:55:02 EST Another 4 weeks. Another 4 weeks to go before the final (hopefully) court appearance. <BR> This whole thing has taken it's toll on me but, I have had some wonderful words of encouragement and messages of good will from you fantastic guys. <BR> I deffinately feel a little perkier and with the nice weather have spent alot of time in the garden. This has certainly been the best distracting practice that I undertake with very satisfying results. <BR> I guess that I will have to stay on this planet at least a whi... Mon, 1 Aug 2011 14:59:31 EST A name at last Yet again I have just been released from Hospital after another overdose but, this time there seems to be more of a glimmer of hope. <BR> I was instructed to see another Psychiatrist, a nice fella from Hungary. <BR> After telling him (yet again) my "full" life story and the problems that I have experienced over the years, it transpires that I am suffering from Unstable Emotional Disorder (or, Borderline Unstable Disorder as it's known in the States). <BR> Looking it up on the internet, the de... Mon, 18 Jul 2011 10:41:48 EST My past life is now history. I have just been released from hospital after taking a massive overdose of Warfarin last Tuesday. <BR> My life of old is now in the past as I cannot see a way forward as I find myself facing even more problems with the law with far reaching consequences. I am currently being raised higher through the Mental health treatment system and this is what I have to cling to. <BR> I need to hang in there, but deep down I feel I have had all the stuffing knocked out of me and I don't feel I will ever b... Mon, 11 Jul 2011 17:23:22 EST And I thought that my life was tough! Well, Charlie (the Cat) is still trying to gain trust amoungst his new "step" Brothers in Angus and Toby but, he answers his name already and follows me around like a small child wherever I move in the garden. <BR> I feel so happy with his progress to interact with the "rest" of the family! <BR> Here are just a couple of pics of the young man! <BR> Chris. <img src=""> <img src=""> <img s... Sun, 12 Jun 2011 10:47:18 EST Something to smile about! Well, it's been a while since I had good reason to smile but, today I collected a small 1 year old Tom Cat named Charlie. <BR> He is predominantly White with the odd patch of Ginger and a tabby Ginger tail. <BR> He is such an affectionate little chap and just needs some quiet time before being introduced to Angus and Toby, our two small dogs who, are keen to be friends! <BR> <BR> Clare and myself have always had cats but lost a few to road accidents and so haven't had one for the last 4 year... Wed, 8 Jun 2011 17:54:54 EST Here I go at last! Before I start, I would like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who has sent their regards and good will through these hard times and struggle. <BR> Well, my anti depressants have finally kicked fully in and, it's just as well, as this morning, the post was delivered (I can now open my own mail at last without too much fear anymore!). <BR> It now looks like I have to attend court on the 28th June to settle this ongoing matter. <BR> Of course I am anxious but, know that I am far better... Sat, 28 May 2011 05:15:20 EST Beginning to look ahead, at last! Hi all, sorry for the anguish that I've been causing you great people of late. <BR> I have been totally out of control and have been so confused by everything that has happened. <BR> <BR> I am trying to get back on track with exercise and nutrition, and am hoping to back good the missing time on here. <BR> <BR> I want to get back into leading the team that I love on here, and meeting up with some of you in the near future at various meetings around the country. <BR> <BR> I have been busy t... Fri, 13 May 2011 17:59:23 EST I'm on my way back! OK, I've been pretty low of late and all of my problems still need to be faced but, with my first appointment later this week with the Iapt team, I'm beginning to feel like I want to "Spark" again! <BR> My veg is growing and my "orchard" looks so very promising! I need to be "around" to see what Autumn (Fall) brings. <BR> I should also be starting back to the gym very very soon. So, hopefully, I can get going in the right direction again! <BR> <BR> A big thank you goes out once again to all ... Tue, 3 May 2011 10:11:55 EST What can I say? Hi Folks! <BR> <BR> I have been somewhat pre-occupied with my problems of late and have since realising where I'm at the moment. <BR> <BR> I HAVE been so appreciative of all the vast number of personal supporters of my recent problems. OK, the problems are all still around me but, the medication seems to be taking hold, and lifting me to a "normal" state of mind, as do all the kind and valued messages fro you all! <BR> <BR> I am about to embark on a "IAPT" (Improving Access to Psychologic... Wed, 27 Apr 2011 06:38:55 EST What to do for the best. I feel so pathetic, I feel helpless and useless. I feel of no worth anymore. <BR> I was once an upstanding citizen. I felt I could offer advice and be respected. I once was able to council and offer help. <BR> I am no longer anything. I know that you my friends, give me support, and it is truly appreciated. But, I cannot value myself of ay substance now. <BR> I don't write these things to senseationalise them, I do it as though it is my last will and testament. I know nothing of a "normal" li... Fri, 15 Apr 2011 08:23:08 EST Sorry to all of you. I have been released from hospital after trying to take my life last Saturday with Alcohol and an overdose of Valium, sleeping tablets and Warfarin. <BR> I have been sent so many concerned messages of worry especially from Patty, Caroline and Debra. Bless your hearts! <BR> I have tried to make sense of all of this and never meant to use this great site to cause so much trouble! (I even got a message from Chris "Sparkguy!"). I have been seen and councilled by the "Crisis" team and have further... Fri, 8 Apr 2011 11:34:45 EST IT feels good I feel good today, I want to make surre that Clarte iis out visitinfg her SON and I will enjoy the day. I have the RTugby to watvh, and many Beres to drinj. I can;t carry onn with this minddset that ids desrtoying me and putting too muchg pressure ontoi CLare. <BR> THanmkyou you my rfiends. <BR> ChTis. Sat, 2 Apr 2011 10:23:53 EST Another hospital visit. This morning came and I had thoughts of visiting the garden shed, where there are lots of tools and equipment to trip over and meet with some sort of accident. <BR> I tried to rationalise that this was a the right way to "try" again, as it could be seen as more of an "accident" than suicide. This way Clare may see the "accident" with less anguish perhaps?, thus leaving my conscience slightly more clear to carry on. <BR> <BR> Clare immediately recognised my mood and contacted the hospital Cr... Wed, 30 Mar 2011 11:38:32 EST I can't say I wouldn't do it again. I have written this blog 10-12 times over the last 2 days to try and make myself come to terms with my actions at the end of last week, and each time deleted it. <BR> The reasons? <BR> It has been to painful to accept my actions. <BR> I find it hard to believe I tried this. <BR> I feel somewhat ashamed of my actions. <BR> I find my actions somewhat fascinating. <BR> I and I alone know why I did what I did but, can't justify it. <BR> I can totally justify it. <BR> <BR> As you can see, I am ag... Tue, 29 Mar 2011 17:01:41 EST Where do I go now? I'm swamped. <BR> I tried the gym this week on Tuesday, became very paranoid and ended up destroyed by a panic attack. <BR> My work is becoming more and more tougher to deal, with a I am being put upon by my peers who hide and sherk and find myself with no fight back, unless I unleash all my fury, which would be an unwise thing to do. <BR> I can't explain anything inside my head and with all the medications find myself sleepless with torments running free. <BR> I have no idea where to go now,... Fri, 25 Mar 2011 07:40:25 EST Up to 6 months to wait. Have spoken with the solicitor this morning and it looks like this thing may loom over me for up to 6 months before any decision could be made. <BR> I really don't know how to cope with this. I am off to the GP's again in another 10 minutes time. <BR> I am in need of more sleeping tablets and I a feel somewhat more desperate again facing another week where I will be forever wondering. <BR> I know that this could take up to 6 months but, it may not either. <BR> I feel like someone on Death row... Mon, 21 Mar 2011 05:53:50 EST Smiling for today! I have seen so many buds on my fruit trees today. This has lifted my spirit somewhat as this is new life, and I hope that this is a good sign for my situation. <BR> I am in total fear of dark coming tonight as I know that when it comes, the light will follow and I will have to face another week. <BR> I am beginning to feel anxious about tomorrow and the following week but, I have just got to get on with it and get through it. <BR> <BR> I am so grateful and feel so uplifted by your support an... Sun, 20 Mar 2011 09:32:56 EST No post! 48 hours of no potential torment or knocks at the door etc.! <BR> The sun is shining and the birds are singing. <BR> My dogs are by my side and the deciding 6 nations rugby is on this afternoon. <BR> My life is in turmoil at the moment, but, at least I have a little respite for today and tomorrow. <BR> My concerns about the impending problem still hang over me, but I do feel some relief today. <BR> <BR> Thank you, for all of your support and kind words. <BR> Without you, this would be an eve... Sat, 19 Mar 2011 06:03:11 EST Getting a break. It's Friday, and as yet as I write this blog, there seems to be no post today. <BR> I have promised myself since 3 weeks back when I first learnt of my impending problem that any "official" mail delivered on Saturday will not be opened until the following Monday. <BR> The reason for this is that if I don't know what the mail contains then I can't worry about it and with the offices shut until then, can't do anything about it either, which will lead to more anxiety. <BR> I at the moment have a... Fri, 18 Mar 2011 06:45:22 EST I don't want to be seen weak. Thank you to everyone who took the time to comment on my blog yesterday, your words were really appreciated. <BR> I have not been to the gym for 20 days now, and my fitness revolves around walking the dogs (although I I haven't done this a week now owing to my fear of being outdoors, and so Clare does this for the time being.) and also what Wii fit when I feel like doing it. I don't feel like it anytime, but I do do a small amount of time each day. I just feel my body is slipping, and that de... Thu, 17 Mar 2011 07:13:43 EST Pretty desperate. I am not looking for sympathy, nor trying to seek attention, but I feel I must write this as a diary to possibly help me look back maybe to help answer some of my own problems. <BR> Please don't think that by not being accepted for "The Biggest Loser" that this is the reason. <BR> In some ways, it was a relief not to be accepted as at the moment I don't want to be seen in public too much and fear that I'm becoming Agoraphobic. <BR> I can't sleep at night and am now on 20mg of Temazepam. I am ... Wed, 16 Mar 2011 07:13:04 EST Oh well. Well, I was turned down for "The Biggest Loser". <BR> I guess I told them too much of what I'd done and what I'd already lost. <BR> I guess others need it more than me. <BR> Chris. Tue, 15 Mar 2011 11:02:35 EST The Biggest Loser. Well, I attended the interview yesterday in front of the panel who will decide on who will and who won't be put through to the 10 contestants. <BR> I have to say that I am quite confident of getting on the list, as I was able to relax and tell them all of what I've achieved and all about this site. <BR> This I think was something that took the panel by surprise and they seemed somewhat impressed by what I had to say. <BR> The added bonus of this was that for a few minutes, it took my mind aw... Mon, 14 Mar 2011 05:04:29 EST Despite how I feel, I'm going to give it a go! Sorry to all of you fine people for not being myself of late. <BR> The problem still persists and I have no idea of just how long it will linger or what the full result will end up being. <BR> Still 16:00 this afternoon is the interview stage for "The Biggest Loser" competition with a photo shoot as well, so I'm channelling what positivety I have into trying to become one of the 10 finalists. <BR> So, here goes! <BR> Chris. Sun, 13 Mar 2011 10:12:58 EST With help, I hope to cope. I think that the title sounds like a cry for help, and I guess to some degree it is. <BR> I'm not looking for sympathy to the situation that I find myself in, as the initial "hard" part is now passed (Monday passed), but it is now just a case of waiting, and not knowing when either the news or the severity of that news will arrive. <BR> This is without doubt "the" hardest thing I have ever had to deal with, even going through redundancy, divorce, bankruptcy, death of both parents, being told ... Fri, 11 Mar 2011 05:26:12 EST Anxiety and pain. As I sit here writing this, I am exactly 24hrs and 15 minutes from "H" hour. <BR> I feel nauseous and empty at the future prospects and by blogging is one small comfort to let it out of my system. <BR> I do know that this time will come and it will go and I WILL move on. <BR> I just need tomorrow to arrive now. <BR> Chris. Sun, 6 Mar 2011 08:46:52 EST The irony of it all!? Face the problem, it will come and then pass. Well, thank you all for the kind messages on being "The Motivator of the Day", I never realised that I was such a person really! <BR> <BR> The irony of it all though is, that although I have been doing exercise (at a much reduced rate compared to normal) I have lost a lot of motivation owing to a serious problem that has arrived in my life. I haven't blogged too much because of this and my activity has somewhat died away on the site compared yet again to normal patterns. <BR> <BR> I am howe... Sat, 5 Mar 2011 04:25:57 EST Thank you all! Thank you folks! <BR> Thank you for all of your comments and support for "MOD"! <BR> I have been totally overwhelmed by your kind messages! <BR> Thank you all! <BR> Chris. Thu, 3 Mar 2011 19:27:52 EST Why the honour? I'm confused and for once, lost! As, some of one of "my" Spark teams will know, I have a current personal crisis that means that I can't devote the time and effort into enjoying the time that I spend here at Spark. <BR> But, I had to spend a little of my time right now as when I switched the computer on for some "other" information, I find that I have been inundated with lots of messages congratulating me on being Motivator of the Day! <BR> <BR> I feel firstly very surprised by this, as I haven't done anything that special ... Thu, 3 Mar 2011 07:50:59 EST