SHELEEN1's SparkPeople Blog SHELEEN1's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Years Wasted I have just looked back over my Spark pages, and realised that I have wasted so much time eating and getting fatter! <BR> I know that when I gain weight, I get to a point where I will not get on scale, buy clothing without elasticated waists, and never look in a full length mirror - that way I can remain in denial about how big I am, and not diet. I am so hoping that this diet will be different for me than last years effort... and the year before too (where I lost weight extremely well unti... Tue, 29 Apr 2014 13:52:05 EST Ouch! Well, I did walk to the shopping centre with my grandaughter - but after a lot of shopping and chasing her around (it was so much fun! lol) I decided to take the bus home. By this morning, I could barely walk at all. I have an old leg injury that stopped me from walking very much years ago- I used a stick for nearly 8 years... and it's playing up again. That along with the blood blister that appeared on the bottom of my foot last week, and I'm a walking hazard! *lol* Still, I did a walk today... Thu, 11 Mar 2010 18:37:42 EST Feeling my age! My legs ached today - I am SO unfit! I didn't use my trampoline today - but I did take a long-ish walk with the dog. Tomorrow I'm planning on walking to the shopping centre with my grandaughter (she wont be walking *lol*) and doing the shopping - probably walking quite briskly for at least an hour and a half. Today I've been almost good - I did snack a lot... but after I opened the Jammie Dodger biscuits, I managed not to eat any at all - yay me. <BR> <BR> So, I feel a lot different than las... Tue, 9 Mar 2010 17:38:37 EST More than a year... Yes, it's been more than a year since I 'sparked'. <BR> What can I say? <BR> I have excuses... illness and suchlike - but to be honest, it's shame that stopped me coming here... shame and downright laziness. <BR> In one year, I went from a size 8 to a size 20... and I hate it so much. I've become introverted again - staying in and almost totally agoraphobic once more. How could I have let this happen? I put on 5 stone - that's 70lb!!! <BR> I have two wardrobes full of the most amazing cloth... Mon, 8 Mar 2010 09:20:54 EST Almost Reading through my own spark page, I realised with a sudden jolt that I will have to change the wording very soon. I will no longer be 'almost 40'... in 13 days - I WILL be forty! I know that heading towards my 30th birthday I was a bit over-awed by it all, knowing that I wasn't in my twenties any longer - why it's such a big deal I really don't know. But forty has me in knots... Why is it so important? Why do I feel the sudden urge to blatantly lie about my age? <BR> Ah, yes... 21 AGAIN ...... Tue, 10 Feb 2009 12:06:54 EST Never enough time... My laptop is definitely on it's way to computer heaven... The screen is so damaged I can hardly see what I'm typing - let alone see any pages on the internet properly. It won't log onto the internet when I ask it nicely to, and it's slow. <BR> Hmmm... Face is a bit cracked, memory and instructions are a bit muddled, slowing down... my computer and myself are more alike than I might care to admit - perhaps this is why I can't bear to get rid of it. <BR> Of course, all this flaffing around ha... Tue, 10 Feb 2009 09:43:39 EST Docs today Today was my check-up at the hospital... and a weigh-in. I was shocked to the core when I found out I had put on weight again! After being so well behaved too... albeit my 'bad days' have far outweighed my good ones. Still, I didn't expect such a hike upwards on the scales... 11 stones and 6.5 pounds. EEK!!! <BR> However, I am ... how can I put this delicately...?... I am expected around this sort of time to put on a few pounds, only to lose them in a few days time - it happens every month. U... Thu, 5 Feb 2009 16:21:55 EST Bad, Bad, Bad... Hm-hmm... <BR> I was BAD! <BR> And now I'm paying for it... big time. Actually, "big" is rather an apt word, as I seemed to have gained some inches around my once-svelte waist (as well as every where else!). Terrified of my work uniform not fitting, I have renewed my efforts to behave and really get back on track - for good! Seeing my reflection in the mirror today was a real shocking moment... I just don't look thin anymore... and that I am missing loads! Especially since the girls at work a... Wed, 4 Feb 2009 20:02:37 EST Been unwell... I have been decidedly unwell... trust me when I say that you really don't want to know the details! So... it's not an excuse, but the diet/lifestyle change has been way off the last few days - my only plus (apart from possible weight gain! *lol*) is that I have managed to keep exercising. <BR> Maybe tomorrow will be the start of another new chapter for me. I have a goal... I have set a date... there is no backing out of it... <BR> <BR> I booked my new tattoo last week - for the 12th May. I'l... Fri, 30 Jan 2009 22:23:53 EST Nearly... I had a bag of maltesers... they were just sat there, begging someone to eat them. Apparently, I was the only person who could hear the plaintive cries of the little crunchy chocolate spheres... so I had to eat them. Then I sliced some bread - huge hunks like doorsteps. "Excuse me" I said to my husband and eldest daughter with me in the kitchen.... "Is anyone going to stop me yet?!" <BR> Just as I am the only person who hears chocolate begging to be eaten, I am also the only person who can st... Sun, 25 Jan 2009 12:44:39 EST O-er! I have one thing to say about today... <BR> Darn those leftovers! <BR> 'nuff said, methinks... making a promise to myself that, from tomorrow, I will be an absolute angel! Sat, 24 Jan 2009 18:04:19 EST Good day, bad day... I dropped two of the Wednesday pounds in a day - muy body is just so weird... in a lot of ways *lol* <BR> <BR> Anyway, I had a bad day today - in that I acted pretty badly. I had a 'proper' meal - a bit of a celebration dinner, if you like, with three courses and no 'light' choices - full fat mayonnaise, butter, white bread... need I go on? I listed it as a binge - though it wasn't really... but I do feel a wee bit piggy to be brutally honest. <BR> <BR> I did spend hours walking today - wen... Fri, 23 Jan 2009 17:58:50 EST Oops :( I had to get on the scales today to reset my pedometer... and I accidentally set it onto pounds instead of kilograms. Darn my quick brain... I figured out exactly how much I weighed in a matter of seconds... I gained 3lbs since yesterday afternoon. I know the experts state that eating food will not add pounds instantly - same as exercise and burning calories will not show instantly with weight loss, but I disagree. Well, exercising hasn't made a difference I think, but if I eat a lot, it show... Wed, 21 Jan 2009 08:22:46 EST A proud sort of binge!??! I actually planned a binge today. Now, here's the explanation... <BR> When I binge, I can down 8000+ calories in a matter of less than an hour. I do sort of plan a binge - because I go out shopping for what I want to stuff into my face - chocolate, pizza, cheesecake, crisps, biscuits, icecream... that's just a small portion of the stuff I choose. <BR> So, here it is: <BR> I went shopping, fully aware that I was going to sabotage myself and binge totally. My shopping list included: <BR> Pizza ... Tue, 20 Jan 2009 19:13:59 EST Holiday Insomniac Well, I haven't done my exercise today - but I am off to work in half an hour or so... I shant be back home until 10.30pm, but I shall probably exercise then. I just can't seem to sleep lately - I lay in bed all night waiting to drift into slumber... and then nothing! 7am and I'm still wide awake! Today is my last work day this week - then I'm on holiday (say "YAY!!"). I'm just hoping I don't yearn for work, become a week-long couch potato and find myself eating rubbish through boredom. I'm k... Mon, 19 Jan 2009 11:03:06 EST Reset I took an idea from MNTWINSGAL, and reset my goals... I was so fed up seeing how I had let myself down last year, and I wanted to feel that I was actually achieving something positive. I already reset my weight goal counter, but that was mainly because I had gained so much weight! <BR> Every little step - even resetting the counters - makes me feel a little more able to carry on, a bit more positive. Sun, 18 Jan 2009 12:14:43 EST Still going... Today Hubby took me to my great-great-grandfathers chip shop ... which is now a chinese takeaway. It was so strange standing outside a place where my long-gone relatives once stood. Still, now I have the photograph I need to finish my "Then and Now" scrapbook page... <BR> <BR> Walked the dog this afternoon too - only a 45 minute hike, because where I wanted to go was flooded out and we had to turn back and choose a different - and shorter - route. Still, any exercise is good even if it is a ... Sun, 18 Jan 2009 12:02:21 EST Yay... Go me! Go me! Go me! Last night I was so bummed - I weighed myself and discovered that I had lost exactly.... nothing! I had actually GAINED a pound! To say I was 'miffed' would be a gross understatement. Well, not to be deterred, I figured that I should weigh myself in the morning - because that's what I usually do. What a difference one night makes... 3 pounds lighter! At last, I feel as I'm making progress... little by little. <BR> <BR> Trust me on this people... the older you are, the more difficult it is t... Sat, 17 Jan 2009 17:55:49 EST Pushed My daughter is a bit of a star... she's just pushed me a bit - and I managed to burn off an extra 100+ calories - but, man did I sweat! She's here in the room with me now, exercising and making me feel just a tad guilty :) <BR> It is so much easier when there's someone else around to say 'come on, lets get going' and give you the best kind of support... the kind where they join and and push you just enough. <BR> Fri, 16 Jan 2009 15:56:37 EST Making progress... I am quite happy with myself today... <BR> After being awake all night (worry - my mum had an operation today... all's good though) I slept most of the morning - actually, I slept ALL of the morning, and felt groggy and awful by the time I managed to haul my backside out of bed. I decided on a herbal tea infusion for breakfast - with ginger, because my insides don't feel quite right - you ever get that feeling? Without going into details (YUK!) I felt that my digestion needed a boost - and g... Fri, 16 Jan 2009 13:16:38 EST Uphill all the way... I have an amazing capacity to wreck my own successes... I have no idea why I do what I do - and I really must stop blaming outside influences. One tiny bit of stress and I'm hitting the chocolate bars and biccies like I can't live without them! Okay, so I'm smiling at myself... only because I've been 'normal' for two days - with some effort, I might add. Sometimes it feels like leading a normal lifestyle with normal eating habits is the easist thing in the world... and at other times I feel l... Thu, 15 Jan 2009 23:11:40 EST ooh, ooh, ooh.... Yes, that's my ooh, ooh, ooh's of excitement... I forgot to pass on some pretty amazing personal news... <BR> I went to see my doctor recently, and had a chat about my metformin (diabetes medication). I've been cut down to just two doses a day - soon to be one dose... in the view and hope that in about six months time I will not need the medication at all! <BR> How fantastically great is that??!! <BR> This will reduce dramatically the chances of me having eventually to use insulin, and theref... Fri, 9 Jan 2009 10:18:24 EST A sudden realisation... I have been cooking nearly every day this year - and today it suddenly struck me... as I cook, slaving over a hot stove, making scrummy meals for my family, well... I kinda lose my appetite. It's so strange, because whilst I was away from my kitchen ( - avoiding it like merry hell! ) I seemed to want to snack and eat constantly - I guess that's a bit like depriving myself and so thinking I want something more than I do. I so enjoy cooking - and I'm glad I've realised that actually baking is n... Fri, 9 Jan 2009 10:14:09 EST OMG!!!! I'm finally back - after losing my internet completely, being messed around by Orange (my previous awful ISP) and changing to BT (Very very good), then working overtime all over the Holidays... well, I guess I let my Sparking slip by the wayside... until today. <BR> After my father-in-law passed away, I must admit to really giving up for a while - no exercise, bingeing EVERY DAY! I piled on about 40lbs - well, if I'm honest, it was a bit more than that. I was so disgusted with myself - but I ... Thu, 8 Jan 2009 17:53:49 EST Finding time I really wish I had the time to 'spark' more... I'm working three days a week at the moment - plus overtime overnight Sunday (more money!!!). Hubby and I had a bit of a chat this afternoon - I'm so off course, and I feel really lost - I just needed someone to say that they had a bit of confidence in me, and that they would happily kick my butt if I kept shovelling rubbishy foods into myself. My usually wonderful Hubby is such a rock... but I don't want to lean on him too much at the moment,as... Wed, 24 Sep 2008 20:46:00 EST Starting again... I've really lost my way - I'm so far off-track that my only option is to draw a line under the past month or so and just start again. It's a new start - completely. No more picking myself up and dusting myself off only to carry on the same pathway... this time I'm taking a different route. I've picked up some bad habits over the last few weeks, and now I simply have to drop everything - wipe the slate clean and think of this as a new way entirely. Wish me luck... I have a long way to go :) Wed, 17 Sep 2008 09:59:20 EST Bad times, bad habits Have I been good? Have I heck!!! I dread to think what the scales would say now if I dared step on them... I'm not using a family death as an excuse, but my eating habits are all over the place at the moment - I'm either forgetting to eat, or forgetting to stop eating... It's like all the switches in my brain have gone haywire. Work tonight, then funeral organisation again tomorrow with the appointed speaker (no religious minister for my father-in-law... he would not have approved), work agai... Mon, 8 Sep 2008 10:45:44 EST Rotten week... I've gained 16lbs... over a stone in weight. I knew I had been out of control, but was shocked when I found out how much I weighed. I was refusing to get on the scales, but had an appointment at the hospital, where I was weighed. I asked the nurse not to tell me how much I had gained, as I really didn't want to know - ignorance is bliss, as they say. Still, she wrote it down, and then handed me the slip of paper by accident. It took just a few seconds for my brain to compute kilograms into po... Fri, 5 Sep 2008 09:57:52 EST Compliment...? At work on Saturday, it was extremely busy - with a lot of young people shopping, and teenagers coming in out of the rain. One group of young men (I use the term loosely... VERY loosely) were hanging about, trying to look nonchalant and 'cool', standing around discussing clubs, pubs and clothes. I had to clean up, check that mens clothing was neat and tidy... and as I walked past this group of youths, one of them called over to me "Hey gorgeous"... I ignored him (obviously I was in shock... b... Sun, 24 Aug 2008 20:05:56 EST Here we go again... I have been so off-track lately ... I'm totally ashamed of myself - bingeing nearly every single day and watching in horror as my waistline is thickening once again. I feel like I've failed so miserably, and yet set myself apart from putting on weight and the failure, like it's not my fault at all - as if it's something I have no control over. To be honest, that's how I feel a lot of the time. I start putting something in my mouth and I feel guilt... then I seem to shift to "well, what the he... Wed, 20 Aug 2008 15:01:16 EST Planning a binge... Well, I guess you could say that I've under-eaten the past couple of days - but not by much *lol* I've tried to keep active - but shopping is getting an expensive habit to stay outdoors and walking :) Work tomorrow - and I've packed my lunch already... lots of fruit - though I'm already thinking that I shall probably over-eat after work - I shall be famished after all the walking I do around the shop floor. Strangely, possibly because I've been doing so well for two days, I'm not panicking at... Fri, 1 Aug 2008 17:54:46 EST Not so well... Over-eating is becoming a VERY bad habit lately... I seem to be having one good day or two, then a bad day. I get so peckish after exercising, and as soon as I start to eat I can't seem to stop! I think I am going to have to sit and think really carefully about where I go from here... Tue, 29 Jul 2008 20:30:32 EST Still doing better... Monday is almost finished - and I did quite well. I didn't go for any more walks, but I did do the gardening this afternoon. I just wish I could keep this frame of mind I have right now, and feel good about me and what I'm achieving - with no guilt or feelings/actions of sabotage. Tomorrow I'm off to town... but I have a feeling that tomorrow evening will be difficult for me - I know I will have to resist the urge to over-eat. Strangely enough, knowing my danger points doesn't help me at all!... Mon, 28 Jul 2008 16:52:38 EST Doing better... Halfway through Monday, and I'm feeling good - hopefully I'll not be speaking too soon, and the rest of the day will be brilliant too! I walked the dog this morning, very briskly - poor little pooch is tuckered out now and asleep on the kitchen floor where it's cooler for her in this heat. I'm going to have the BIGGEST salad for lunch - with so many tomatoes I shall pop! *lol* Mon, 28 Jul 2008 08:30:18 EST Saturday night Saturday night's alright, as the song goes... but not if you're a hungry binge-er! So, I had a double-whammy... two nights bingeing in a row - what a stupid thing to do! So Sunday (today) I started afresh... with gardening, mowing the lawn (front AND back)... and more than two hours brisk dog walking. It was a sweaty day *lol* I feel okay - no weighing myself, but I'm happy to report that my jeans still fit (slightly too big, actually) - so I'm not panicking too much. Saturday at work was a b... Sun, 27 Jul 2008 18:35:01 EST Where's my week gone? I can't believe this week has whizzed by so quickly! I had a bad day yesterday, and although I'd much prefer to share good news and better days, I'm afraid I just can't at the moment. The stress in my life has hit an all time high, and yesterday I had an out-and-out binge... so it's backing off from the scales time again *lol* Ah, well... poopie happens (as my son says - only not so politely). I'm okay - looking forward to tomorrow, when Hubby is taking a whole day off of work, just so he can... Thu, 24 Jul 2008 00:52:26 EST A Journey Alone Hmmm... "A Journey Alone" ... sounds like a novel *lol* Actually, it's what I did today - I took that trip to the city centre, spent an absolute fortune on clothes, had a wonderful coffee at Fabios, and read a good few chapters of my latest book. I missed the company of my eldest daughter - I really needed a pick-me-up chat and girlie day out - but it wasn't an awful day. I walked a fair bit, spent a lot more, grabbed a few bargains, and bought pressies for my friends children. <BR> I do en... Mon, 21 Jul 2008 17:43:26 EST Miffed! This evening, I am a bit peeved. I had arranged for a walk and a shopping trip with my eldest daughter for tomorrow... and she's let me down. She's going out with her friend instead. It wouldn't be so bad, but she did the same last week too! I feel quite unimportant and very insignificant at the moment. I shall go to town shopping on my own - but it won't be the same at all. I wanted girlie chats and fun times... not moping around all on my own :( Sun, 20 Jul 2008 18:05:12 EST Dammit! My stressful problems came into work yesterday... and threw me completely. I was so shaken up... and didn't really recover, even after I'd gotten home last night. I knew it would be a trigger for me to have a binge - and I did, shamefully, eat myself into a stupor last night. <BR> I knew exactly what I was doing... yet I did it anyway. My only consolation is the amount of work I have done - not just a nine hour shift at work Saturday afternoon and evening, but I also stayed up all night scru... Sun, 20 Jul 2008 03:31:56 EST Never enough time... I didn't walk to the local shopping centre today - I went to the city centre (by bus) for the fourth day in a row! I bought a cheap book and a trashy magazine, went to the Mall, bought a coffee, and sat whilst the world passed me by. <BR> The doctors messed up my appointment - I have to go back on Monday. Still, never mind :) No bruises today - so no having to cover up at work tomorrow. <BR> I did walk to Tesco this evening - but I didn't have the energy to walk home again, laden down with t... Fri, 18 Jul 2008 18:14:04 EST Organised I can't sleep (again)! So I have organised my day tomorrow... I exercised already - trying to wear myself out and get some sleep - and I decided what i was going to eat tomorrow too. I have laid out all my snacks, treats, brekkie, lunch and dinner - and I hit my exact maximum calories too (coincidence). I just need to get up early enough to get in the extra exercise before seeing my doctor, and hopefully walk to the shopping centre too - loads of extra calorie burning :) Thu, 17 Jul 2008 20:41:14 EST More food, more exercise... I have gone WAYYY over my allowed calorie intake over the last few days - but I've also been very active. My house is spotless, the dog is shattered (too many walks!), the shopping is done, and I'm so tired *lol* <BR> Trouble is, though, I'm finding it difficult to get to sleep lately - I have things on my mind which are quite stressful, and I find I'm awake all hours of the night, and sleeping in the mornings - not so good. I thought, also, that I was over-eating (bingeing, really) because o... Thu, 17 Jul 2008 18:39:39 EST I didn't... Hmmm... I bet you're wondering what I didn't do... <BR> Well, this is something I didn't do that made my Hubby extremely happy. The bank manager is probably being looked after by his secretary after passing out through shock... <BR> I went shopping in town, and apart from a semi-expensive mascara I had promised myself as a treat, I hardly spent anything at all - and NOTHING... not a single penny... went on a credit card. I'm so chuffed with myself. Apart from the treat mascara, I celebrated w... Tue, 15 Jul 2008 15:42:40 EST A quiet day I have had such a headache today! I thought maybe I ws dehydrated - but plenty of fluids hasn't helped at all... though the extra exercise of running upstairs to the bathroom more often than usual was possibly a good thing *lol* <BR> I have done so little today - Hubby thinks I'm coming down with something... we'll have to wait and see on that one, though. Here's hoping I'll be okay. <BR> <BR> I thought the guilt of my recent massive food intake would hit me today - but it hasn't... I feel o... Mon, 14 Jul 2008 16:21:32 EST Over-eating! I worked so hard on Saturday - a nine hour shift of rushing around and only sitting down for one hour to have lunch... of grapes and a yoghurt. It's no surprise, then, that Sunday I decided to have a day off from dieting mania. I ate ALL day - pizza (homemade!), ice-cream, burgers (vegetarian, obviously)... nothing was 'off limits' - I must have gorged at least 5,000 calories. But I'm not classing it as bingeing - because I ate throughout the day, and didn't have the same feelings I have when... Sun, 13 Jul 2008 23:08:30 EST Just can't keep away! I seem to have been on Spark such a lot today! Firstly it was because I felt so bad about myself - I really don't know why. Then I decided to get off my backside and do my exercises... back onto Spark to log my minutes :) Stuffing my face - only with salad! - so back here to log my food... then exercising whilst watching the television (just stretches and strength exercises), so back here again to log what else I've managed to do. I feel so much better now than I did this morning... <BR> I th... Fri, 11 Jul 2008 19:12:55 EST Not so bad... I just bit the bullet and got on the scales. I've been avoiding them for a while now, knowing that I had gained a fair bit of weight. Okay, so after a few days of healthier choices and sustained (sensible) exercise, I am actually happy that I gained... only three pounds (from my very lowest weight a couple of weeks ago). So... the news isn't so bad after all, and the scales - though not my friend at the moment, are certainly not the enemy. Maybe a little of that positivity (is that even a re... Fri, 11 Jul 2008 08:21:42 EST Another day... Another day begins... and I'm having a 'bleugh' day, I think. I'm just not feeling that 'oomph' - my get up and go has got up and gone. I think that I did way too much yesterday (again) and really should learn how to balance out what I'm doing - the trouble is that if I feel I have the energy, I like to get going and push myself. I quite enjoyed doing so much yesterday - only I'm not enjoying paying the price so much today *lol* <BR> I'll do my exercises later tonight, when I'm watching Crim... Fri, 11 Jul 2008 07:31:55 EST Lefty08 & MicroMouser Had to just write a quick 'Thank You' to this amazing man (Lefty08)... <BR> He is such an inspiration... honest and thoughtful, his blog and comments have been such a boost. Maybe he and MicroMousershould set up their own company - motivators extraordinaire! MicroMouser always has boots on ready for that kick up the butt when I need it - though she always does it softly :) She's been such a help to me - and an inspiration too. There are so many great people here at Spark... always willing to ... Thu, 10 Jul 2008 17:36:03 EST Almost did it all... I walked the dog today - a muddy, rain-soaked walk that (to be honest) I really quite enjoyed. I even managed to walk to the local shopping precinct - and stomped around for a while just window-shopping (I actually kept most of my money in my purse - except for a bargain pair of suede boots for five quid!). I was on my way walking home (another forty minutes of extra exercise I was pushing myself to complete), when my son phoned me and told me my life-long friend had paid a visit, and was off... Thu, 10 Jul 2008 17:31:22 EST