SEPTEMBERSPIRIT's SparkPeople Blog SEPTEMBERSPIRIT's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Breaking Down... <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> I've felt this before - but perhaps this time it's even scarier as I swore I'd never be back here again. This weekend was truly heart wrenching with a major blow out on Saturday with my 13 year old - and I'm still recovering emotionally. <BR> <BR> I was ready to throw in the to... Tue, 8 Jul 2014 08:07:37 EST Borderline Personality Disorder I made a few calls today - first to the Children's Aid Society to clarify what had been said to me with respect to giving up my daughter to temporary care - which in my case, since she's not at risk of harm by me, would mean basically that I would be abandoning her because I couldn't handle it anymore (something that just breaks my heart to even think about). <BR> <BR> Then I called the Parents Lifeline of Eastern Ontario again and I have to say I need to call them more often. The person I s... Fri, 4 Jul 2014 21:00:40 EST Affirmations at Work... <img src=""> <BR> Life and every NEW day is definitely a blessing to be appreciated! <BR> <BR> It was back to work today and it felt good - especially since things cooled off and I managed to sleep a solid 5 hours - I know not a lot but in comparison to the previous 3 nights a blessing. <BR> <BR> The day flew by as it was my first day back since last Thursday. I am forever grateful for my workplace and amazing colleagues! <BR> <BR> I ... Thu, 3 Jul 2014 17:18:10 EST Staying Strong ... and Coping <img src=""> <BR> It's very heart wrenching that my 13 year old daughter is going through so much. Today was another day off for me - and I hoped to rest but spent it mostly still wound up about the event and talking with my oldest as we kind of debriefed together as she too is going through all of this. It's stressful for her too to hear and witness all of it. She often feels caught in the middle as my 13 year old will confide certain th... Wed, 2 Jul 2014 17:20:34 EST Overcoming Adversity <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> Yesterday was quite a day for me. It started with my motivation on a high because of the new month but as the day progressed things became more challenging. <BR> <BR> More conflict and arguing with my kids. My own cravings to cave in on my resolve to abstain from alcohol for a while and then caving in - but to fast foods instead. I managed to turn... Wed, 2 Jul 2014 08:22:29 EST 30 Days to my 8 Year SP Anniversary! <img src=""> <BR> This SP quote is ME - as I weighed in and measured again - no big changes from last month and overall since the beginning of my journey here 8 years ago - I am down 12lbs. There was a time that I was down 30lbs but I regained some. But I'm not going to fret about this because I'm still here and will continue to be for a lifetime - because this is not a diet plan but a lifestyle!! <BR> <BR> SP has been a wonderful addit... Tue, 1 Jul 2014 07:55:43 EST Faith Will Bring Me Through This <img src=""> <BR> I am catholic - but I am not a church goer at this time in my life. I am very spiritual and truly do believe in the higher power, my angels, and yes God. I do not speak of it often but think of it daily and pray daily - to get me through these difficult times. <BR> <BR> I am also grateful that despite some very challenging times - I'm still blessed with many good things in my life. <BR> <BR> This past week has been an... Mon, 30 Jun 2014 09:27:47 EST Another Beautiful Grad Pic <img src=""> <BR> This picture was taken the night of the graduation dinner - it's even nicer than the package I purchased... her hair is longer and her smile... Gorgeous!! <BR> <BR> I am now off for the 'long' weekend and not back to work until Wed July 2nd. <BR> <BR> I'm feeling very tired and drained and need to re-energize and get my mojo back. I need to take stock of where I am at and where I need to go. I need to acknowledge how ... Thu, 26 Jun 2014 16:23:43 EST Cleanse and Healing <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> I can't believe we are nearing the end of another month. With school officially ending and summer beginning - it's time to think of vacations and taking a break from routine. For me - it means re-adjusting to day to day dealings with how to manage my daughter and hopefully ge... Wed, 25 Jun 2014 10:17:32 EST Gift and Purpose <img src=""> <BR> My blogs and writing are my gifts back to the world. As I document my journey - my struggles and my successes, I allow others to see that they are not alone. I speak thoughts here - sometimes very personal - opening up my world to others, in the hopes that perhaps in doing so, I can help someone through their own struggles. <BR> <img src=""> <BR> The choices we mak... Tue, 24 Jun 2014 08:29:20 EST Motivation is Lacking - The WHY my Resistance is Low <img src=""> <BR> I start the day off with good intentions... and then I get hit with the reality and heartaches that have been ongoing and my resistance get worn down... <BR> <BR> My girlfriend found this article that truly explains it well: <link><BR>l-decisions/201406/why-your-resistance<BR>-gets-low </link> <BR> <BR> I know it's not an excuse but I'm seriously just trying to survive these day... Mon, 23 Jun 2014 19:44:37 EST Acceptance <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> Yesterday was good - while I didn't stay on track with my intentions - I am ok with what happened and accept where I'm at right now. I spent the morning cleaning out my daughter's room - finding things that hurt - showing the signs of her pain and issues... but it felt good to... Sun, 22 Jun 2014 09:54:24 EST Face the Truth - Coping.... <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> I wake this morning feeling like I need to truly face some hard facts... I cannot move forward until I face some realities and that is that I have poor coping mechanisms at times when it comes to dealing... Sat, 21 Jun 2014 09:09:31 EST 10 Power Thoughts for a More Rewarding Life Louise Hay has been an incredible influence in my journey. It started with the book "You Can Heal Your Life" and now I live by positive affirmations and start every day with them and end each day by expressing that which I'm grateful for - it truly can change YOUR life!! <BR> <BR> These are power thoughts posted in a recent newsletter I received from Louise Hay. <BR> <BR> 1. I choose to feel good about myself each day. Every morning I remind myself that I can make the choice to feel good. ... Wed, 18 Jun 2014 08:25:55 EST A Graduation Gift... <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> It was a nice evening last night... the pics above of all three girls and my daughter receiving her diploma. <BR> <BR> In the mail was an envelope sent by my sister's best friend, who since my sister pas... Wed, 18 Jun 2014 05:24:42 EST Graduation Day <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> Tonight is my 17 year old's graduation dinner and I can't believe the day is HERE!! It's been a challenging road to arrive here - but tonight it will be celebrations of endings and new beginnings. <BR> <BR> While she is not sure what's next - education and learning is truly ... Tue, 17 Jun 2014 09:04:07 EST I had Good Intentions... <img src=""> <BR> The T from HALT was at play today BIG time - I am feeling so drained and tired from a week of about an average of 4 to 5 hours sleep... <BR> <BR> And so the mind goes... the hunger grows, the cravings are there and I cave in - to tired to fight it mentally and actually enjoying the comfort of just being. It's just the easy way out I know and it's not what is going to get me the results I want. <BR> <BR> My mind works ... Fri, 13 Jun 2014 17:39:28 EST The Countdown is ON! <img src=""> <BR> So many things are coming up in the next while and I need to get my FOCUS on!! <BR> <BR> Last night I was sworn in as the new president for our chapter effective July 1st to December 31, 2014 (ending early as the organization will be restructuring from chapters to branches so our chapter will dissolve in December/January). <BR> <BR> My daughter's graduation dinner is on Tuesday. <BR> <BR> My youngest has until Monda... Fri, 13 Jun 2014 07:51:38 EST 11-11-11 and Full Moon Friday the 13th <img src=""> <BR> I often look at my clock and 11 or the sequence as above which is a bit more rare shows up and I smile and think positive thoughts because I view it as a sign from my angels being with me. <BR> <BR> The other 'angel' sign I have is finding dimes everywhere - in the strangest places and at times when it's like I need the sign to know they are with me. <BR> <BR> Then there's this Friday... <BR> <img src="http://phot... Wed, 11 Jun 2014 14:20:11 EST Never EVER Quit! <img src=""> <BR> There are times when our progress seems slow or at a stand still - or even like it's going the wrong way - but one thing I've learned is to Never EVER Quit! If you've had a bad day - turn TODAY into a great one! What choices can you make today that will make it more successful. Better yet - what action plan do you have - what workout will you do, what will you eat/drink (or maybe more important what WON'T you eat/drink)... Tue, 10 Jun 2014 05:25:33 EST New Week! <img src=""> <BR> Last week was good in the exercise department. I did my ST Monday to Thursday alternating upper and lower body. I did well with nutrition... until Thursday rolled around and then I slipped off track again. <BR> <BR> I was successful in not weighing in every day - but was a bit disappointed that not ONE pound moved ... however, it's my own doing with too much indulging on the weekend. <BR> <BR> I was active with the... Mon, 9 Jun 2014 19:55:05 EST What a Day!! Pics of Yard Work and my Beautiful Daughter's Grad Pic!!! So today was a slew of things... good, bad, sad, happy... <BR> <BR> It started with me feeling a bit bad with not going to Zumba due to a lingering headache/migraine... But once I recovered - I went to work on my yard... Here's some before and after shots. I originally thought of putting more patio stones but because it's a condo - it requires board approval - so it's going to be sod ... which the property manager will provide (as I have done all the hard work). <BR> <BR> <img src="http:/... Sun, 8 Jun 2014 20:56:19 EST Volunteering at the Telethon <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> I had the pleasure of volunteering at the CHEO 2014 telethon yesterday. I was there in support of this wonderful cause and of course in support of Princess Maya who was diagnosed with Leukemia in Januar... Sun, 8 Jun 2014 07:58:42 EST SUPER HERO DAY <img src=""> <BR> It's Super Hero Day at work today as we prepare for our annual telethon tomorrow! Many activities are going on and it's a special day as I brought my daughter in as she has her psychiatric appointment here. I'm so grateful and blessed to be working at the local children's hospital - where so many key services are provided. <BR> <BR> Tomorrow our team will host an open house - so any SP friends in Ottawa - be sure to c... Fri, 6 Jun 2014 07:32:59 EST Body Image Work <img src=""> <BR> Here are a few links that I think will be a great opening to this blog: <BR> <link><BR>3nCw10 </link> <BR> <link><BR>hion/plus-size-models-spoof-sports-ill<BR>ustrated-swimsuit-issue-cover-to-procl<BR>aim-body-positivity-185946317.html </link> <BR> I watched these with my 13 year old last night ... and although she wasn't really into it - I hop... Thu, 5 Jun 2014 10:04:06 EST HALT - I was 'T' Today <img src=""> <BR> I know myself now and when I am tired, my resolve to stay on track is tougher. I didn't sleep well as it was very humid and I have no AC. Combine that with my own body's hot flashes every now and again = a very restless night. So the day was harder today - I found myself craving food but I know deep down it's just because I was tired. <BR> <BR> Recognizing it is half the battle. While I did indulge a bit (I did have a... Wed, 4 Jun 2014 04:51:13 EST Successful Day! <img src=""> <BR> I had a successful day yesterday - I tracked my food, I stayed within eating hours range, I exercised a LOT, including the grueling job of ripping out the yucky grass/weeds from my back yard - almost done now... <BR> <BR> I am also proud that I've not been tempted to peak at the scale - a BIG step forward for me as I was one of the daily weighers. I'm determined to only take it out once a week on Sunday mornings. <BR>... Tue, 3 Jun 2014 08:35:38 EST Work Your Strategy <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> I was gung ho yesterday to make it a successful day and it started out great! I was tracking my food. I went for a 40 minute walk by the river and I went to Zumba for an hour workout. Then came the afternoon - and the leftover couple of drinks called my name so I finished the... Mon, 2 Jun 2014 08:07:05 EST 60 Days to my 8 Year SP Anniversary <img src=""> <BR> I absolutely love turning the calendar page and having a fresh start! This month is especially special as I'm counting down to my 8 year SP Anniversary and re-setting all goals and tickers. <BR> <BR> Weight is up but it will come back down. Here are my stats today and I vow to NOT weigh in more than once a week - on Sundays now since I'm starting today. I know that my journey is not just about the number on the scale ... Sun, 1 Jun 2014 07:53:25 EST Sexy is a State of Mind <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> I have to thank Sue McGarvie for bringing me to the place I find myself today... feeling good in my skin at the size I'm at NOW. Sure I still want to improve upon myself but I am appreciating my SELF as I am in the present. Yes I'm going to keep working to trim and tone... b... Sat, 31 May 2014 08:22:15 EST Fighting Obesity - Time to Attack it Like We Did Tobacco Use Here's a link to an interview conducted here at my workplace with my <em>345</em> boss Dr. Mark Tremblay!! I was there taking pics - and after that we celebrated a colleague's BIG 30 Birthday! I am so blessed to be a part of this incredible team!! <BR> <link><BR>y-fight-needs-government-strategy-cheo<BR>-doctor-says-1.2658988 </link> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.... Fri, 30 May 2014 07:18:32 EST A Change in Perspective <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> A few images to spark some thought my friends... I have been really reflecting lately how my perspective about this health journey has changed over the years. I am learning to really love and appreciate my body as it is now - all the while seeking to continually strive to be b... Thu, 29 May 2014 10:27:10 EST Roller Coaster Yesterday was a semi-good day - I try to poke out the positives first... <BR> <BR> I was AF <BR> I exercised 110mins <BR> I met with my gf for a lunch time walk and we vented <BR> My youngest asked me to go for a walk <BR> <BR> School attendance is still NOT happening and I'm so frustrated. The school is not pushing much anymore either and I feel it is just not right to dump this all on me. The vice-principal said he would call me today but honestly I'm so frustrated with them too - even th... Wed, 28 May 2014 16:43:13 EST Day 1 Back - Didn't go as planned Well I had hoped to be back to routine and normalcy. Work was great - as always just catching up. I emailed the school to see how my daughter was doing and learned she left after the first break and never returned. When I called home she said she felt like passing out and was sick when she got home. She has been showing signs of eating issues again - thus her feeling of passing out as she has not been eating right. So much for going to school all week. <BR> <BR> THEN - I got home to find a ... Tue, 27 May 2014 10:00:06 EST Back to Work Well I go back to work today and my daughter is going back to school - modified in that she goes to the guidance office and not regular class - but she'll be there. I have negotiated with her that if she goes all week she will get her desired reward this weekend. <BR> <BR> I have been a bit of a wreck and avoiding things. I think I'm also suffering from the post-vacation depression a bit... while I have a trip coming up at the end of July - I'm worried about how I can go and enjoy it given t... Mon, 26 May 2014 04:39:12 EST Hope - Lotus Card Reading <img src=""> <BR> I love my free online Lotus Card readings... this one so accurate for all I'm feeling/experiencing and it gives me hope... <BR> <BR> Card 1 (The Chariot) : How you feel about yourself now » <BR> <BR> You feel everything is a constant battle at the moment, but persevere and you will triumph in the end. Expect some good news that will help you to keep going until you achieve your goals. This is a time of movement and ... Sat, 24 May 2014 08:58:32 EST Finding my Ground Again <img src=""> <BR> Yesterday was another tough day ... I ended up in arguments with both girls and did a search of my youngest's room to find that while I thought she had not cut in some time (since before xmas) - there were obvious signs she had. When I asked when - she said a few weeks ago but I'm not sure I can believe her. I also found evidence of her smoking - cigarettes and marijuana. <BR> <BR> She then went out and flat out lied ... Fri, 23 May 2014 08:37:14 EST Back from Vacation, Back to Reality Well I got back from our amazing vacation late Tuesday night (May 20th). The 7 days away, the break and being in a stress free zone was simply incredible. We were also very active - every day (lots of walking, swimming, dancing, snorkeling) ... doing so many things including a standup paddle board lesson (and we only fell once) and the amazing Harbour Lights show. <BR> <BR> Here's a link to some pics (the album from my Facebook account) - I think you can see it. <link>http://www.facebook.... Thu, 22 May 2014 07:59:37 EST At the Airport THE day has finally arrived!!! We are sitting at the airport - it is 3:37am. We got maybe 2 hours of sleep but it is all good! Our flight leaves at 6am and we land in Bridgetown at 2:05pm. By 4 we should be on the beach enjoying our first drink. <BR> <BR> My youngest pulled a number on me before I left makimg me wonder how things will go while I am away but que sera sera at this point. I am on vacation. <BR> <BR> This will be my last blog - check in until I return as I am unplugging! Have... Tue, 13 May 2014 03:41:51 EST Happy Mothers Day to all my wonderful SP Friends! <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> It's a beautiful sunny day here... one daughter is still out - one is sleeping... <BR> <BR> I am thinking of my beautiful mother today and missing her dearly... <BR> <img src=""> <BR> She was easy going, caring, genero... Sun, 11 May 2014 06:37:44 EST Just another day While I wish my girls would treat me differently for and with Mother's Day tomorrow - this morning was not good. I have become numb to how they speak to me but at times like this - when I would think they would take extra care to maybe make an effort... well NOT. <BR> <BR> My oldest even went so far as to say I was selfish and I just thought about myself - because I said I was looking forward to my trip... They know just what to say to get to you, don't they?! <BR> <BR> On an upside - I had... Sat, 10 May 2014 19:41:19 EST TGIF - but next Friday will be even better!! Next Friday we'll be in Barbados!! I can't believe as of 6am tomorrow we only have 3 days to go <em>244</em> <BR> <BR> I had two meetings today with men and I continue to be impressed with the quality of men I am meeting this time round. Perhaps it's the fact that I'm not limiting to ONE as I used to and exploring. I am honestly feeling really great about this process this time. I am meeting someone else tomorrow and then while in Barbados - I'm unplugging and will reflect on 'where I go... Fri, 9 May 2014 20:36:15 EST Gratitude Journal I wanted to post this separately - to acknowledge that despite my challenges - I have soooo much to be grateful for! <BR> <BR> Yesterday was a great day - even though there were some difficult moments... <BR> <BR> One of our graduate students successfully defended her PhD thesis on Tuesday and she brought me these wonderful gifts from Kenya (her home) - all hand crafted.... as a token of her appreciation of my support while she was here. <img src=" Thu, 8 May 2014 09:15:03 EST Honoring Lives... and Dealing with Mental Health Issues <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> Seven years ago today I lost my best friend Rita ... aunt and godmother to my girls. She was an incredible source of support for me after my separation/divorce and her and her husband spent so much time with us ... I still think of her and miss her, but while she has passed - my love for her remains. <BR> <BR> When dates like this come about, it r... Thu, 8 May 2014 09:04:17 EST It's a GREAT Day! <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> I woke this morning feeling much better than I did for most of the day yesterday. I had a lingering headache that lasted all day but TODAY is going to be a Great Day! <BR> <BR> I wish I could bottle this feeling I have - walking to the bus, watching the beautiful sunrise, th... Wed, 7 May 2014 09:29:41 EST Look Up - A MUST Watch Video I absolutely think this video should be shared, watched and then you need to turn it off and get out there!! <BR> <BR> I'm headed out for my lunch time walk and just a head's up - for the first time since I don't know when ... when I go to Barbados I am totally UNPLUGGING. The only reason I may check in is to take care of some financial stuff. <BR> <BR> Cheers!! <BR> <link><BR>ryone-needs-to-see-for-the-first-time-<BR>in-my-life-im-speechless/ </link> Tue, 6 May 2014 12:07:25 EST Body Image Work <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> As some of you know a few months ago I joined a 5 week body image group. She's running another one... here's the link (the first testimonial signed "H" is mine) <link><BR>-body-image-and-sexuality-workshop-sta<BR>rting-nov-2nd-2013/ </lin... Tue, 6 May 2014 04:51:01 EST HOPE - Presentation Went Well! <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> The meeting went well - I arrived at the same time as the psychologist who sat next to me. She handed me the report and asked if I had any questions. The meeting was run very well - I'm impressed with the process. We entered - the VP, school social worker (the one who has been working with my daughter and even going to our home to deliver work for ... Mon, 5 May 2014 11:26:08 EST Presentation Day - Focus <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> I am leaving shortly for the BIG presentation of my daughter's case before the Coordinated Access committee. I'm ready with my notes and feeling relatively calm and going in thinking positive thoughts about having my daughter's needs being heard and hopeful about the recommen... Mon, 5 May 2014 08:08:36 EST ELEVEN - 11 ... Loving it!! <img src=""> <BR> Well my favorite number is appearing in my Barbados countdown today ... 11 days!! <BR> <BR> I'm a true believe in the concept of seeing certain numbers as a sign of my angels - when I look at the clock and see 1:11 or 11:11 and when I moved to my new place and found my parking spot was 101. <BR> <BR> It's Friday! It's Payday. I was able to pay my bills, put money aside for the trip. It's not raining for now... so I ma... Fri, 2 May 2014 09:52:37 EST