SENIMMO's SparkPeople Blog SENIMMO's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community My last "free" wednesday for a while Classes start back up on the 30th, so this is my one and only "free" Wednesday. It's not really a free day, I have a LOT to get done. I need to fix my pricing signs I screwed up yesterday (don't ask. Computers and I are NOT getting along, grr), make lunch to take, get a shower, do more laundry, put in 8 hours at the shop, stay on schedule with my nsaids to keep lessening the swelling and pain in the legs, etc. ad nauseum. <em>246</em> <BR> <BR> The first comment on yesterday's blog kind ... Wed, 24 May 2017 06:50:13 EST So far, so good... But it's only 520, so... <BR> <BR> I'm still hopeful for a better day than yesterday. I did have a couple of small sales yesterday, so evidently my "bad idea, mom" of putting towels out on the door wasn't such a bad idea?! That and calling out "Hello, Welcome" when I heard people come in the building <em>334</em> I had more people actually come into the store than son had in the whole time I was gone and the week before that! Part of it is that there are more tourists coming in, part of i... Tue, 23 May 2017 06:33:21 EST Not a fan of mondays... But I dragged my butt out of bed and to the pool. Then I went and picked up some healthy foods for the shop and went to work. The knees felt ok in the pool, and not too bad shopping, but after a couple of hours in the store, they were acting up. <BR> <BR> I closed at 3, came home to put ice on them, climbed in the house, then remembered I was supposed to go pick up the rabbit food that finally came in. Dangit. So, I climbed back down the stairs and went to the farm store. Son actually was he... Mon, 22 May 2017 18:53:07 EST Cold, wet, and yucky out- And I'm still heading out to the farmer's market?? What is wrong with me? <em>246</em> <BR> <BR> I'm probably not going to set up if it's as wet up there as it is here. I'm starting to contemplate a trailer...when weather is bad, I could just put products on racks and set them in the doorway to keep them dry and people could still see what they wanted...But that's WAY down the road. The budget has to vastly improve before that's anything more than a dream. <BR> <BR> Anyway, my "bad" foo... Sun, 21 May 2017 07:14:42 EST Another day of discovery- I discovered that I love my kid, but he is a jerk. I fired him and gave him 30 days to start paying for his cell phone and health insurance (he's 20 and the deal was, we paid those things and he didn't have to pay room or board and we helped with his tuition, all in exchange for his help with my business). <BR> <BR> I discovered believing you can count on someone because you're always there to help them, is a really BAD idea for me. The more I depend on the help, the less likely anyone is to... Sat, 20 May 2017 18:03:49 EST I made a discovery :-) I discovered that if someone leaves a comment on my blog that I think is rude, I can delete it <em>334</em> <BR> <BR> Someone told me I need to "let go" because mom's passed. Um. I wasn't holding on to anything, I was explaining my choice to not go to my graduation ceremony. I wasn't asking for judgement or inappropriate comments, I was stating a position. <BR> <BR> You see, I've been blogging about the "mama drama " and the emotionally abusive and manipulative relationship for a while... Fri, 19 May 2017 14:42:10 EST Why I skipped my graduation ceremony No, it wasn't because I didn't want photos of me being fat in my graduation gown. It wasn't that I was ill, or insecure, or anything like that. <BR> <BR> It was simply that I was mentally and physically exhausted after all the drama with mom and her passing. And that if I went and "lost it", it would cause drama and I didn't want to ruin anyone else's graduation day. Also, if anyone knew about mom, it would have made my graduation all about her. With everything else that's been going on, I w... Thu, 18 May 2017 21:57:17 EST What the???? I logged my weight and it didn't send me my con gears for loss??? Those little things make a huge diffrrence. Did they stop sending them? It's like saying suddenly that 2 pounds off isn't worth noticing <em>234</em> <BR> <BR> Oh well. I still think I did awesome not gaining with everything that went on. So <em>20</em> , for ignoring it, automessage. I'm still proud of myself <BR> <BR> <em>246</em> <em>593</em> Wed, 17 May 2017 23:44:03 EST Getting there... I'm hoping to be home around noon. I'm going to take a nap when I get there, then get on with it. <BR> <BR> Still dealing with the emotional roller coaster from losing mom, but it is what it is. <BR> <BR> Just fyi, if anyone else is dealing with the loss of an abusive parent-it is totally ok to feel relieved that it's finally over. It will take time to heal. There is no "right" or ""wrong " way to grieve and there is no timetable. Move forward at your own pace, but DO move forward. Please... Wed, 17 May 2017 09:51:24 EST Driving therapy That's what my trip home will be. Hubs is going to stay another day to help clear out mom's apartment. I'm heading out later tonight, probably. I need some more sleep first. We went to the shop and got hubs truck back, so he'll be able to get back to work soon. <BR> <BR> With all the extra expenses from this latest drama (am I horrible for being grateful it's the last?), it's really going to be hard to get back on our feet. <BR> <BR> We'll figure something out, we always do. Missing gra... Tue, 16 May 2017 12:35:16 EST So much for my streak :-( I wish log in for our sparkstreaks was automatic for being active on the site. My click on the wheel yesterday didn't go through, so it put me back on day 1. Sigh. Not up for dealing with it or trying to do it on cell, so will do it when I feel better. Sun, 14 May 2017 06:42:47 EST Getting there... I've gotten the cookware and dishes boxed up and my niece took them to drop off. I sorted most of the photos, and the nieces took a bunch home. <BR> <BR> Hubs packed up movies and cds, I sorted most of the yarns, threw away stuff that had no hook with it, was spilled on, stained, etc. <BR> <BR> We're taking some to the market tomorrow, since I need to look for a container for mom anyway. <BR> <BR> And my niece said it's going to be 3 weeks before they cremate mom?! They dang well better ... Fri, 12 May 2017 17:42:37 EST Time for me Hubs will be in later today, so I will FINALLY have the safety and security I need to be able to process and cry as long as I need to. Until Hubs is with me, I have to stop myself every time I start to lose it. <BR> <BR> The weirdest thing is that I'm thinking just as much of my dad and losing him as I am about mom. I'm trying really hard to not be angry or bitter, but sometimes it's just so much work. <BR> <BR> When daddy died 6 1/2 years ago, mom had put them on a ventilator, trying to k... Thu, 11 May 2017 08:19:07 EST One day, one step, one breath at a time... That's still how I'm managing to function. Being alone to do it is HARD. Hubs should be here sometime tomorrow, though. <BR> <BR> I found someone to groom the little dog for a reasonable price, and I don't have to keep hunting for the shot records. With circumstances being what they are, the lady is willing to just do it. Thank goodness. <BR> <BR> It turns out mom's dishwasher had never been used before I put stuff in it today!? My sister has been buying dishwasher detergent all this time ... Wed, 10 May 2017 17:11:04 EST Sometimes it's all you can do to breathe That's how I'm feeling today. My sister had asked me to pick out the obituary photo. With the people in mom's complex having the nerve to already ask YESTERDAY if they could have her things, on top of the physical exhaustion from a week of less than 5 hours of sleep in any 24 hour period, and knowing we had to make arrangements this morning, and having to go through all this...stuff... <BR> <BR> Yeah. It's taking all i have right now to just breathe. <BR> <BR> And that's ok. We are having m... Tue, 9 May 2017 12:05:53 EST It's over... My mom passed this morning, rather unexpectedly quickly. She had a perforated bowel caused by pain meds backing her intestines up. She would not have survived surgery, so it was pointless to put her through it. They kept her comfortable and when the end came i held her and told her it was okay to rest. <BR> <BR> My day has sucked. I have a raging migraine. I did not binge, I do not plan to binge. I'm going to take some time for myself to grieve and appreciate Hubs and son being so supportive... Mon, 8 May 2017 16:53:18 EST The decision is made. My sister and I talked to mom's Dr. We agreed dnr. We are at the point where it needs to be God's decision, not mom's. <BR> <BR> The doctor was very relieved that we were aware of the games my mom plays. When my mom is alert and aware and demands full code, they will list the board as full code. When she is unable to make rational decisions, she will be no code. <BR> <BR> I will be staying a few more days to see if they are going to do the back surgery or not. I made it clear that I am NO... Sun, 7 May 2017 12:34:15 EST Choices My mom is still choosing to make drama, deliberately endanger herself for attention, being manipulative, and being mean. <BR> <BR> I am choosing to put myself, my health, and my sanity above her drama. <BR> <BR> Which, according to her, makes ME a bad person. <BR> <BR> Guess what? It doesn't. <BR> <BR> Finding the strength to stop participating in m8nd games and being able to recognize emotional ab7se for what it is and ending it does NOT make me a bad person. <BR> <BR> You have to ... Sat, 6 May 2017 06:20:55 EST The never ending drama... Mom had another tantrum yesterday. She demanded a strawberry milkshake and told me it had to be from burger king. I told her it had to wait until I came back because I was not making a special trip. <BR> <BR> Then she whined and complained to my younger niece until she agreed to go get her KFC. And a shake (I hadn't gone back up yet). Since my niece was going to bring one, I didn't. <BR> <BR> She demanded to be fed (I wasn't happy, but the drama, ugh) then my sister called to talk to me a... Fri, 5 May 2017 08:36:55 EST Seriously, the drama never ends. So, yesterday things looked fairly bad. Today? Today I am already ready to go back home <em>234</em> <BR> <BR> She has been demanding and rude since last night. Has flipped me off at least a half dozen times this morning (I had enough and left at noon while she was sleeping)And told me I could leave. The grabbed hold of me and wouldn't let go (which is why I left when she fell asleep). <BR> <BR> She keeps yelling "help me" any time she's not getting her way fast enough, refusing to eat ... Thu, 4 May 2017 15:05:08 EST What a difference 24 hours makes. My youngest niece called last night and asked me to come to ohio. She's scared and worried. I've always told her I would be there when she needs me. <BR> <BR> So I got up at 4am and drove 600 miles. Mom's not doing well, so I will be here for a while. It will be what God intends. I'm ok with that. <BR> <BR> I've got this. Wed, 3 May 2017 20:37:44 EST And the mama drama saga continues... She was supposed to have her surgery on her back today. I was ok with that, and it was going to be what God needed it to be. I planned to come to campus, study for a bit, take my accounting exam, and run some errands. (the order was a little up in the air, but I needed to print stuff on campus for the errands, so...) ANYWAY... <BR> <BR> I was on my way to campus when my sister called. Mom's physician had called my sister and said they were putting our mother on life support. My sister called... Tue, 2 May 2017 15:06:11 EST "meh"day Yeah, I know "Monday" ugh. it's another cold, wet, yucky one. It's annoying, but I'm dealing with it. I'm getting ready to finish an assignment and then see about taking my exam. Sigh. I'm SOOOO ready to be done. Oh, wait, then I get to come right back June 1st and start on the REST of my classes to get my associates. Sigh. What WAS I thinking??? <BR> <BR> At least they finally came in with a decision for my financial aid for next year. I'm going to have to manage summer with minimum student... Mon, 1 May 2017 10:44:56 EST One way or another, I'll get through all the drama with my mother and survive the financial crisis Hubs is managing to ignore (HOW does he manage to do that??? Oh, wait, he knows I'LL figure a way out for him. <em>24</em> ) <BR> <BR> It's a good thing I know how to cook and I'm not afraid of hard work. The grocery budget is dead for at least 2 more weeks (probably 3, until pay gets fixed). We're out of several basics, like bread and breakfast bars (son likes easy grab and go). So, I baked some quick breads... Sat, 29 Apr 2017 14:11:38 EST Just not up for it. My hands have been bothering me all day. I just don't feel like trying to type, so the mama drama episode is going to have to wait until I get the pain back under control. <BR> <BR> Have a great weekend. <em>593</em> Fri, 28 Apr 2017 21:00:49 EST And another cold, wet, yucky day out- But things are looking up. The scale still says under 350, so I'm good there. I got my assignment done tuesday with help from the tutor, so that was good. (instructor still hasn't graded it, though). I'm actually getting the hang of some of it, the hard part is that things don't have to be logical or make sense to be correct. It is what it is. Once I stopped trying to understand WHY things have to be done a certain way and concentrated on just HOW to do it, it started getting a little easier... Thu, 27 Apr 2017 11:21:40 EST Cold wet weather isn't helping... It started out decent this morning, and I was feeling a little better. Finally got official notices that both of my credentials will be issued at graduation. I'd been waiting for over a month for my graduation application approval. That helped my mental state, then it got cold and cloudy, so my body decided to pitch a hissy. Sigh. <BR> <BR> On the plus (or minus <em>334</em> ) side, I got on the scale again and it said 348.9! Those tiny drops are enough to keep me motivated. <BR> <BR> ... Wed, 26 Apr 2017 15:24:39 EST A bit better today... The day wasn't great, but it wasn't as bad as yesterday. And I didn't go off the rails binging from the stress. <BR> <BR> I didn't get my communications assignment done exactly right, but with all the mama drama, things are coloured differently and it affects my work and writing. It is what it is. <BR> <BR> Hubs waited until today to tell me he doesn't think he's getting the pay he expected this week. Which leaves me trying to come up with house and store rent by myself at the last minute ... Tue, 25 Apr 2017 21:35:09 EST The Monday from he## That's what today felt like. My brain. Just didn't want to function, I totally missed seeing an assignment that was due today because I've been dealing with the mama drama (episode what? 500 something? Sigh.) <BR> <BR> It is what it is. I sent the instructor am apology, told her I will email it when I figure out how to do it, just so I know if I'm doing it right, and I don't expect credit. It was my fault for letting the drama get the best of me. <BR> <BR> I had to go in son's room to feed ... Mon, 24 Apr 2017 22:34:12 EST Egg salad for breakfast?? Yep. And why not? Not much difference between an egg salad sandwich and a fried egg with toast, since I didn't have pickle relish to put in it. <em>246</em> <BR> <BR> I used to struggle more with what "should" be eaten for certain meals. I'm learning to just eat what sounds good, in the appropriate quantities out of the group's I have remaining for the day. So far, I'm back down consistently below 355, with one measure as low as 349!(I claimed that, even though I had a dehydration headac... Sun, 23 Apr 2017 09:49:32 EST Today's nsv Sugar free date nut bread. Ended up right around 100 calories per slice instead of 400+. YES!!! <BR> <BR> Next up-sugar free banana nut bread. <em>4</em> <BR> <BR> I guess it's one good thing with the mama drama and knowing I'd be stress eating. I planned for it and I'm making better stuff to have on hand. <BR> <BR> I've got this. <em>593</em> Sat, 22 Apr 2017 15:19:42 EST Nice surprises- For a change! Son got up and went to the shop early and let me sleep in. AND he actually went in and opened on time ! <BR> <BR> We bought a new scale yesterday, so I got on it this morning. I was expecting 358ish. It said 349.1!! I will take it! Progress. Baby steps. I can do this. <BR> <BR> Even with the mama drama ramping up again. She somehow broke her back, so they're going to remove bone chips and put pins in. She said it was today, but they have to wait until she's been off blood thi... Fri, 21 Apr 2017 11:09:23 EST Today's exercise will be... Taking my 19yr old son to green bay to get interview shoes...and clothes, if I can swing the budget. In a pinch, he can wear his dad's shirt and dress pants, but Hubs wears a size 14 shoe and son only wears an 11, so that won't work! <BR> <BR> I closed the shop for the day to do this, so here's hoping it goes well! <BR> <BR> I will definitely get exercise and walking today!! Thu, 20 Apr 2017 09:26:50 EST Bake sale day- And I donated everything I baked. I also asked them to donate anything leftover from what I made to the food pantry across the street from campus so I don't have any to take home. Small steps, but steps nonetheless! <BR> <BR> A friend and I ordered pizza for lunch, but I limited myself and had the two smallest pieces in the box. Again, small steps, but in the right direction. I'm also working on getting my friend to start going with me to the gym. She doesn't want to swim (medical issues pre... Wed, 19 Apr 2017 14:43:37 EST Terrific Tuesday- We had our graduation brunch today. My pigs in a blanket were gone in a flash! I made one batch with regular sausage and reduced fat crescent rolls, and the other with turkey sausage and reduced fat crescent rolls. They turned out really good. None of the diesel kids said anything rude, so that was another victory. <BR> <BR> I also brought my own fruit juice, so I had grapefruit! I stayed away from the real high calorie stuff and I put fruit spread on half a bagel instead of a whole one with... Tue, 18 Apr 2017 12:35:14 EST Rain for monday- And it's got me feeling blech. Son decided to be a booger and didn't help with anything for easter dinner, so there wasn't one. I can't open cans or jars with my hands the way they are, so I couldn't just do it myself. And I can't lift anything without serious danger of dropping it, so...Yeah. It sucked. <BR> <BR> I DID get a lot done at the shop yesterday, though. I got 58 buttons sewn on towels and got them on sale racks, plied 6 skeins of alpaca and got it measured and priced. And I got ... Mon, 17 Apr 2017 10:32:24 EST A little better I took anti-inflammatory meds on a schedule today and broke my work up with 10 minute rests every half hour. My hands aren't as sore, but they still hurt. <BR> <BR> I managed to unload and load the dishwasher and didn't drop the crockpot, so that was good. I'm doing some laundry and son is supposed to put up new clotheslines tomorrow. <BR> <BR> I even made myself a great spinach dip snack. It's a whole cup of frozen chopped spinach with 2 T of commercial spinach artichoke dip mixed and heat... Sat, 15 Apr 2017 19:42:16 EST Pain is not fun. I've been working with my hands a LOT, between schoolwork and production for my shop. I'm paying for it right now. My hands hurt so bad I'm sick to my stomach and it's all I can do to not cry. This is SO not cool. <BR> <BR> I'm going to finish this quick blog, then make dinner (a sandwich, I am not trying to lift or carry anything hot!!), take pain meds, and either wrap or soak my hands. Maybe both... <BR> <BR> Yeah, pain sucks. <em>46</em> <BR> <BR> <em>593</em> Fri, 14 Apr 2017 19:52:41 EST So, I slept on it... And decided to go, take Hubs' advice...and his flask... <em>334</em> <BR> <BR> I also lined up two friends to come with and run interference. Neither of them likes the woman, either, so it should be interesting. :-) <BR> <BR> Hubs is going to make sure we have migraine meds, and he said since my store is only a block away, he'll be happy to stash a bottle at work and refill the flask as needed <em>246</em> <BR> <BR> So, I'm going to finish up my post, do another round of homework ea... Thu, 13 Apr 2017 11:03:26 EST So much for enjoying my graduation :-( I just found out today that the former academic advisor from my campus is not only going to be at our graduation-she is IN CHARGE of students AT graduation. <em>234</em> I had decided LAST YEAR that I was not going to participate if it meant having to be nice to this...person. She is NOT a nice person, she is a complete and total hypocrite that sabotaged not only me, but several of my friends in our endeavors to obtain our education. <BR> <BR> I was SO happy <em>224</em> when she qui... Wed, 12 Apr 2017 17:53:13 EST So far, so good... I'm making small amounts of progress on all fronts, which is good. I'm ahead on some of my classes, and current on the other. (barely, lol) I had forgotten to do this week's homework that's due at midnight tonight <em>2</em> But I saw it was due and got it done and submitted, so I'm ok now. <BR> <BR> We had a lunch and learn today at school, so I had a 4"sub with veggies and 2 bottles of water. I'm making progress. <BR> <BR> I came to campus today and ordered my cap and gown for graduat... Tue, 11 Apr 2017 14:54:51 EST The internet ate my blog...again... Yesterday, I was feeling a little better and got some stuff accomplished. I did my blog, posted it, my cell said it sent, then today it's not there. So yeah, the internet ate yesterday's post. <BR> <BR> Which resulted in today's mini rant instead of the blog I had planned <em>246</em> <BR> <BR> Rant over. Better blog to come tomorrow <em>334</em> Mon, 10 Apr 2017 17:12:19 EST Saturday Still not feeling well. Didn't do anything today, just too I'll. Hoping to feel better tomorrow... Sat, 8 Apr 2017 21:37:12 EST I love getting packages!! I got Hubs' Father's day gift already! I ordered it online and it was supposed to take 6-8 weeks. It's one of those star trek pocket watches. It's really nice. He is going to love it. <BR> <BR> See, my dad used to collect pocket watches, Wayne liked them, so we started buying them for him, too. And he has a few that are identical to my dad's. This is a combination of something he had in common with my dad and something that is unique to hubs. Daddy wasn't a Sci-Fi fan. Hubs and I are. <BR> ... Fri, 7 Apr 2017 22:14:26 EST More progress- Not so much on the weight loss, more on being a better person. Part of that is leaving a typo (gasp!) in my sparkpage post for what I'm up to. I am trying to stop being such a perfectionist and let little things be long as it's not for my business page or my homework! Those still have to be the best I can make them. <BR> <BR> I was up before 4 this morning, sick. I think it was something from dinner that disagreed with me...violently. I'm being careful in not wandering far from the r... Thu, 6 Apr 2017 11:55:26 EST New clothes! My new stuff got here yesterday (a day earlier than expected! Yay!) and everything fits. More or less. It's a little big, but it's good. This is the size that fit perfectly when I was at the store last month trying things on. It's a little baggy now. I'm totally fine with that. So is Hubs. He said order smaller when you want to. <BR> <BR> I'm going to see if I can tighten the elastic in these for now. And it's not a big deal if tops are big. So I'm dressed in adult clothes today! <BR> <BR>... Wed, 5 Apr 2017 10:08:25 EST Unexpectedly hard exercise- I decided last night to make another rug for the store. That involves tearing multiple yards of fabric into long strips. Holy cow!! I didn't think much of it for the first few strips, but by the time I was done with a whole rug's worth?? My upper arms felt like rubber. They still do!! And talk about ache! Evidently the stretching with the resistance of the fabric is a pretty good workout!! <BR> <BR> I think I'm going to let the arms recover today and let more fabric wait at least a day or tw... Tue, 4 Apr 2017 08:06:58 EST Manic Monday- Not really, I'm just getting into it early today. I'm at the shop, have it open, have my lunch with me for the third day in a row, and waiting on deliveries. <BR> <BR> I didn't go to the gym this morning, I needed the sleep more. I'll work the gym in, but right now, keeping on track with my food is more important. <BR> <BR> I'll get there, baby steps. <BR> <BR> <em>593</em> Mon, 3 Apr 2017 09:51:27 EST 2 down... I packed breakfast and lunch today! I recharged my fit but while I was at work, so it says nothing done -lol. <BR> <BR> I have homework to post tonight and dinner to make and eat <em>4</em> . Then I'll crash early so I can get up at oh my god early in the morning to try getting to the gym. I'm also working extra days in the shop this week. I've got to get ready for the season. And my new stuff will be coming this week! <BR> <BR> I've got my new outfits that should be here tomorrow and Hu... Sun, 2 Apr 2017 16:46:33 EST Ha! I packed lunch!! We went out for breakfast, but 1. I logged it and 2. I only had half <em>48</em> And before we left the house, I packed a salad, cottage cheese, and no sugar added peaches!! I came home and baked leftover fish with spiced potato wedges. <BR> <BR> I didn't get a ton of exercise in, because I'm having so much work to get done for the shop, but I'm going to start parking farther from the shop and walking until I'm walking all the way from the house. <BR> <BR> I've got this!! <em>104</em... Sat, 1 Apr 2017 20:56:40 EST