SELIZA12's SparkPeople Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=SELIZA12 SELIZA12's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community SparkPeople.com http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ Happy Monday http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5197307 This was my entry from yesterday... For some reason I didn't post it. <BR> <BR> This is the way it has always been - during the week when I have structure and responsibility for my own days and meals, I do fine with my food choices. On the weekends/holidays/etc when I'm with the girls and the husband and I'm trying to balance everything out, I fall. <BR> <BR> Today is Monday. Most folks hate Mondays. And to be honest, when the alarm went off, I wasn't thrilled either. But overall I have had... Tue, 8 Jan 2013 16:50:36 EST Michigan http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5193837 I go to Michigan with my husband and at least one daughter once a month so my daughter(s) can see her(their) father. It was a requirement for leaving Michigan 5 years ago - since I wanted to leave, I was responsible for the transportation. So we go. And while we are there I stay with my father and step-mom at their house. I am a gracious guest to the best of my ability. They fix healthy-ish food so I eat what they prepare and they are thoughtful about my food allergy so I really can't complai... Sun, 6 Jan 2013 21:05:20 EST Thinking http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5189317 Can't sleep. Thinking... <BR> ...how nice it was to hear Luke say that he doesn't think I'm "fat" (my word) and that he loves me as I am - and I can tell he means it. <BR> ...how glad I am that I did my little measly 10 minutes of exercise. The cat thought I was crazy walking up and down the stairs dozens of times, and my lungs burned and my thighs felt it, but I did it. <BR> ...I should take my vitamins earlier in the day. Too much get up and go late at night is bad for sleep. <BR> ...how p... Fri, 4 Jan 2013 01:22:58 EST Worse than before http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5188912 Starting again today. Tracked food. Weigh more than ever... Time to fix this. Thu, 3 Jan 2013 20:45:56 EST Worse than before http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5188911 Starting again today. Tracked food. Weigh more than ever... Time to fix this. Thu, 3 Jan 2013 20:45:56 EST And again http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3770146 Last night I was on the phone with Luke - who was in a hotel room in Chicago. It almost felt like we were right back to when he lived 2000 miles away from me. Relationship by phone... But regardless... the conversation was mostly a monologue by me. "I am tired of being this big. I can't believe I let it happen!" Something along those lines... Basically angry with mysellf that I was on such a good road and I let myself wander off. I am back to what I weighed in February. All that work for noth... Mon, 8 Nov 2010 12:03:00 EST The TCBY Moment http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3088526 The girls wanted to go out for dinner. I couldn't really think of a reason not to. I've found meals within my "allowance" at several local restaurants. I was very concerned about their first choice though: Golden Coral. Massively long buffet with tons of high-fat yummy foods and minimal healthy ones. And not cheap. I'm sure I'd think, "I have to pig out if I'm going to get my money's worth!" So when I was able to dodge the bullet, I was glad. We ended up going to the Mexican place just up the... Tue, 6 Apr 2010 20:14:13 EST First Weekend of the Month coming http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3070978 I dread the first weekend of the month... I enjoy seeing my father, but I don't like the 7+ hour drive to take the girls to see THEIR father. And this month I really don't like it because I have to miss Easter at home. <BR> <BR> So... yes, I'm crabby. <BR> <BR> I'm also crabby because I still feel like I NEVER have time for myself. We do not have one evening, one weekend day, one block of time more than an hour where I am not working, going, or doing something. Go go go go go! <BR> <BR> Ok... Thu, 1 Apr 2010 21:45:52 EST Purpose http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3049156 My core values and beliefs... my CORE values and beliefs... Hm. Have I ever sat down and defined them? I think not. But without thought, my first answer is "I am not my own." It is easy jargon for me. Something I've read and heard a lot in my life... which is why it is my first answer, I'm sure. But if this is what I truly believe - and it is - then how does that turn into purpose? <BR> <BR> There are some places I can quickly point to that show this core part of me. At church I dive head-f... Sat, 27 Mar 2010 11:09:00 EST Easy? Not so much... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3032539 Having this constant focus on nutrition and food and calories is draining. In the beginning it was fun and exciting. Now it is yet another thing I have to pay attention to in my day. And I already had enough. Not that I'm going to stop... Just that it feels like an obligation I've added to my packed schedule. I do enjoy SparkPeople but it is so hard to take the time, several times a day, to login and participate. If I had my own iPhone it would be easier, but I don't. If I didn't work, it wo... Tue, 23 Mar 2010 07:07:04 EST Set Back http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2999000 "An unanticipated or sudden check in progress; a change from better to worse." <BR> <BR> I knew going out for Mexican would be an issue... but church was over and the girls wanted to go out for lunch. And I caved in. And I picked something I thought would be okay... But although I knew better, I let it get "not okay." Cheese sauce, sour cream... and joining the "clean your plate club" all defeated me. And that would have been fine... But then dinner hit. <BR> <BR> I cooked dinner tonight..... Sun, 14 Mar 2010 18:55:49 EST Moving moving... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2994437 Here we are to the weekend again. I'm more than moderately concerned about how I'll do with food because I'm at home where there are tons of snacking options... but so far when I think of food, I ask myself, "Am I actually hungry?" Up to now, the answer has been no. I had oatmeal for breakfast and that should tide me over for a while. <BR> <BR> One of my "hang ups" I'm trying to figure out here is how to measure my change in activity level. No, I haven't yet set aside time to exercise reall... Sat, 13 Mar 2010 10:03:06 EST 2.6 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2976548 2.6 isn't a very big number... but big enough. It is the number SP tells me I've lost since I started this last week. <BR> <BR> Honestly though I'm a bit higher than that. I was about eight pounds heavier than my starting weight 4 weeks ago. Those first eight pounds were lost via illness. I was sick with bronchitis for two weeks, barely able to get out of bed. <BR> <BR> One of the things that left me open to the option of starting SP when I saw the page was the fact that after losing tho... Tue, 9 Mar 2010 07:00:11 EST Monday Monday http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2973197 The weekend went better than I was afraid it might. I was able to manage to stay within 100 calories of my goal each day. Saturday I even had some to spare. (not much though) <BR> <BR> I have been reading more about the way they WANT me to start out here... Starting slow with just my fast break goals... And of course I didn't do that at all. I'm diving in head first, which is exactly what they say NOT to do. Perhaps I should have read closer before I started?? Nah... <BR> <BR> I'm not h... Mon, 8 Mar 2010 12:17:25 EST First Saturday of the Month http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2965737 Every month of the "school year" I drive one or more daughters from our home in West Virginia 450 miles to Michigan where their father lives the first weekend of the month. It is his "parenting time" and I'm responsible to make certain it happens, by court order (because I was the one who chose to move out of state). So when we drive up, I stay at my dad's house while the girl/s are at theirs. <BR> <BR> My dad and his wife are very healthy individuals. Before my stepmom's recent back proble... Sat, 6 Mar 2010 12:45:46 EST Challenged http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2961413 As I mentioned before, my time is not my own. My biggest concern about SP and whether or not I will see success or failure with this program is the amount of time necessary to spend at the site. <BR> <BR> Not that I don't want to be here... collecting sparkpoints... reading articles, blogs, message boards... Because I do. <BR> <BR> But I really do have a job that needs me to pay attention... and at home I just don't have the time to sit in front of a computer. I've already seen in the la... Fri, 5 Mar 2010 09:48:10 EST Why now http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2958034 My biggest struggle with weight loss is my apparent inability to control my own life. Every morning is defined and scheduled by the needs of others. Then to work where others influence my every move. Then home again where dinner prep must be planned (because I didn't think of it in advance) and executed before the locusts (my offspring) try to consume the walls in their ravenous hunger. Then the evening activities take over - whether it is church events or running around for Track or Band or ... Thu, 4 Mar 2010 13:05:38 EST