SEAGLASS1215's SparkPeople Blog SEAGLASS1215's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Moderation is NOT the Key for me When they say 'moderation in all things' they don't mean sugar or sweets in my case. I had gotten my head on straight about getting back on plan and was doing well with breakfast and a healthy snack and then...then I had a craving for a little something sweet. Just a mild craving, but it made me uncomfortable to say the least. So silly me figures one cookie with my herbal tea would be fine... <BR> <BR> WRONG! That innocent little cookie led to my downfall. It was like I opened the gate and... Sun, 21 Sep 2014 06:29:35 EST Post Surgery Having had foot surgery on Friday (after fasting since midnight the night before and being a nauseous wreck from pain meds) the only thing I was able to eat was bread and saltines. Not sure if the whole bag of oyster crackers counts as a binge like it would have pre-surgery but now that my gut is calming down and I'm off the heavy duty pain killers (I'll suffer rather than take them, I hate what they do to my head and stomach) I'm going to really make sure I start back on track with healthy s... Sun, 14 Sep 2014 04:28:29 EST Planning My Plan I think I am ready to pick myself up and start again...falling off this crazy roller coaster of weight loss one more time is the last straw. So I'm going to randomly write out some ideas, see if I can come up with a workable plan. <BR> <BR> Track the naughties...I hate tracking, really and truly struggle with this and have complained more often than not about how much I despise having to jot down everything I my new plan is to track only those foods that are not wise choices. Since ... Sat, 6 Sep 2014 18:54:08 EST Must Stop Grazing All Day! I think I have hit bottom in terms of being disgusted with this spare tire around my middle, my inability to sit comfortably in a n office chair, the struggle to tie my shoes, the lack of flexibility required in day to day living... <BR> <BR> Confession: I stood by the open refrigerator door and squirted whipped cream from the can directly into my mouth until it was full. <BR> <BR> Was that awful? No...unless you add to it that I'd just devoured 2 slices of pizza and a giant chocolate chip ... Sat, 6 Sep 2014 06:51:29 EST Bad Week Rough week -- one of our cats has been missing, and there is a coyote or ox in the area (not sure which, too dark to see clearly). Such a nice cat, I just pray that whatever happened was quick and no suffering. <BR> Work was over the top stress - I am so done with the non-stop pressure, they expect the work of 4 people to get done by two, and it's not happening and they wonder why. Really? With all those letters and degrees after your name, you people in upper management can't figure out tha... Sat, 30 Aug 2014 05:40:39 EST My Thoughts on The Writing Diet I joined the Spark Team called The Writing Diet and have since borrowed the book from the library. I am not very far in at all but let me just say, so far this book is making a huge impact on me and my choices. I am letting go of what's eating me instead of eating whatever is laying around. I'm releasing my feelings onto paper instead of stuffing them down with food. In the past few days I have come to terms with journaling my food (something I have always hated and resisted) and because of t... Tue, 26 Aug 2014 05:56:16 EST Happy Anniversary to Me <em>384</em> to me - 16 years ago today I quit smoking. Probably one of the hardest things I've done in my life, but so worth it. I would not be at all surprised if all these years, I've substituted food for cigarettes....always seemed easier to stuff my feelings down than deal with them. I'm sure I used cigarettes as a coping mechanism and over time, food became my drug of choice to numb me from unpleasant things and help me celebrate the good things. <BR> <BR> I am working on getting it... Sun, 24 Aug 2014 06:35:53 EST New Kitty - "Fiona" <img src=""> Sat, 23 Aug 2014 07:03:11 EST Musings on the Past Week The new routine of the gym did not happen this past was one of those weeks where everything seemed to either go wrong or I just couldn't get up early enough to get my butt out the door. My eating was a little better in some respects as I focused on lots more fruit and salads, only hit the vending machine once (for pretzels, not candy), tried to eat meals rather than grazing all day long. I tracked my food for about 3 1/2 days, not very good, God I hate tracking! <BR> <BR> The upcom... Sat, 16 Aug 2014 06:38:06 EST The Gym Went to the gym yesterday and went through all the moves the trainer taught me. I am supposed to space them out on different days, but I wanted to run through all of them so I remembered what they were and how to do them and wrote down the size of the weight and machine settings, etc. Felt very good afterwards. <BR> <BR> One obstacle which I overcame was seeing someone at the gym that I know - and she joined when I did - and she was working up a hefty sweat, looking like she belonged there,... Sat, 9 Aug 2014 07:43:35 EST Power of Habit #2 A little further on in the book, it talks about experiments where people who were recovering from hip / knee surgery were given booklets along with their physical therapy plan. In the back of the book were blank pages and some of the people were told to write out their action plans for how they would meet their goals each week; the other group was not told to do this. The result was the more specific the people got when writing down how they would overcome their obstacles, the better they met... Thu, 7 Aug 2014 05:33:47 EST Back to the Gym Today First time going back to the gym in a long while...fell out of the routine and now it is a bit of a struggle to get there but I packed my bag last night, woke up early, and off I shall go. Promised myself I will do 20 minutes on the treadmill at the very least - if I can do more, great. If not, at least it is a start. <BR> <em>315</em> <BR> Also packed healthy foods to eat today - planning on a large salad with shrimp and maybe some soup for lunch, Greek yogurt, nuts and fruit the rest of... Mon, 4 Aug 2014 05:27:21 EST Wrote a Letter to Mom Mom passed away 4 years ago. On the advice of my therapist, I wrote her a letter because I am struggling with guilt - not over her passing so much as over not being the daughter she wanted me to be. I was adopted and my mother wanted a baby so badly...and she wanted me to be what she wanted me to be - a pianist, a ballerina, a little girl she could dress up perfectly in dresses and hair ribbons who had aspirations of becoming a teacher or a nun. Instead, she got a rebel who lived in jeans, pr... Sun, 3 Aug 2014 16:43:06 EST Power of Habit Reading a book called The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. Very insightful as to how we develop habits / routines and how we can change them. I haven't gotten too far ain to it yet, but basically he is saying there is what he calls the habit loop: first there is a cue or trigger that tells our brain to go into habit mode and which habit to use. Then there is the routine, which can be physical, mental, or emotional. Finally there is the reward, which helps the brain figure out if this particu... Sun, 3 Aug 2014 07:09:20 EST Baby Steps & A Binge Yesterday would have been a great day on plan had I not caved in and had 10 Chips Ahoy cookies... <em>495</em> <em>495</em> <em>495</em> <em>495</em> <em>495</em> <em>495</em> <em>495</em> <em>495</em> <em>495</em> <em>495</em> <BR> Yes, 10 of them!! <BR> <em>29</em> <em>15</em> <em>198</em> <BR> I wasn't even hungry, just fighting a craving and the craving won! <BR> I did have fruit at breakfast, salad at lunch and dinner, fruit as part of two snacks ... Thu, 31 Jul 2014 05:01:47 EST ETL - Making Sense but Scary too I'm not done with the book yet, but it certainly makes sense that increasing fruits and vegetable will benefit my health overall. <BR> <BR> The scary part - Giving up dairy, olive oil, animal products...I get that my education over the years have been tainted about eating these things but it's so hard to undo years of thinking one way. <BR> <BR> I may have to take this slowly, step by step. Give up the processed stuff first - for a full week - and then, piece by piece, eliminate the stuff... Mon, 28 Jul 2014 04:44:31 EST RMR Test Had my Resting Metabolic Rate tested at the gym at work. You breathe into a machine through your mouth for about 7 minutes and it comes up with a number, which gets plugged into a computer and the trainer helps you figure out your calorie needs, weight loss goals, etc. My calorie budget is 1651per day in order to lose 1 lb a week without doing anything physical. If I add exercise, particularly weight training, my RMR will go up, effectively burning more calories per day and increasing the rat... Wed, 23 Jul 2014 06:19:07 EST PreDiabetes....possible? Been reading a bit about pre-diabetes and while my numbers at the doctor's office don't indicate any problems, my lifestyle choices are certainly pointing me down that road. How long can I spin the roulette wheel and come up healthy? <BR> <BR> The thing is, diabetes has not scared me in the past because I didn't know enough about it. Now that I am learning more, the scary reality of it is sinking in and I don't want to have to deal with the solution is to change my lifestyle to help ... Sun, 20 Jul 2014 08:07:37 EST Need to FInd the Right Motivation This may sound weird but I often think if I had some big hurdle to overcome, I would work harder and could be a success you read about celebrities who struggle with addiction and then they manage to over come it, become a role model, etc. then they humbly brag about how long they remain sober. Or let's say someone fought a battle with cancer and they inspired others with their courage and motivation and they made life style changes that helped them. Even people on shows like the ... Wed, 16 Jul 2014 05:06:49 EST Anger Directed at the Past / Parents Is it okay to be angry at someone who is dead? And I don't mean over the fact that they are gone....I mean, angry because of how they made me feel long ago. Even though I love my parents dearly and I'm sure it was not intentional, I feel like a lot of their hopes and dreams were put on me with the expectation to be perfect, to be someone I am not. I know struggle with a warped sense of perfectionism and self esteem. While I don't really want to blame them for how I'm feeling (after all, my f... Sun, 13 Jul 2014 06:50:02 EST Stress (no more) at Work I don't want to be on my death bed looking back at all the over time hours I put in at work...and all the stress that goes along with it....I want to look back at happy times, fun memories, at a life well lived, not well-worked. <BR> <BR> So I'm stepping back a bit at work. I'm not going to volunteer to rush and fix every problem right away. Worst they can do is fire me...and then those things will never get done so they are going to have to realize that not every situation is a fire that ne... Wed, 9 Jul 2014 05:05:53 EST Why? Why do I want to lose weight? What will motivate me to change these long-ingrained unhealthy habits and adopt a better lifestyle? <BR> <BR> 1. HEALTH...I want to stop the pain in my ankles, feet, knees, back...all of the extra weight is simply straining my poor old bones and joints. I want to have flexibility enough to be able to get up from lying down without wishing for a crane to haul me upright. Tying my shoes without huffing and puffing would be awesome, too. I want to be able to walk f... Mon, 7 Jul 2014 05:46:06 EST Time Passes but Goals are the Same I just re-read the very first blog I wrote here on Spark and it is basically saying nothing different than my most recent ones...nothing has changed, except that my weight actually has gone up in the past two years instead of down. It's rather depressing that I continue to focus on changing the same things in the same way and nothing has worked (or I haven't worked hard enough) since July 2012. <BR> <BR> <em>3</em> Could this, then, be my light bulb moment when I say "Aha! I better do so... Sun, 6 Jul 2014 07:01:58 EST New Plan Step One - give up junk food. <BR> I'm not going to focus on calorie cutting or anything else but eliminating the junk from my diet. The mindless cookies, the 3:00 PM candy bar, the treats I secretly stuff my face with after grocery shopping...all of that must stop if I want to move forward and set up stricter guidelines. For the next three weeks (which is how long it takes to make/break a habit, or so I've heard) my main goal is to stop eating junk. If I can put good, wholesome, real food i... Sat, 5 Jul 2014 05:43:18 EST Vacation is Over Indulged in many non-good-for-me foods but did a lot of walking (lots of foot pain as a result). We came back a day early due to nasty weather but I think overall we are vacationed-out. Time to get back to reality even though going back to work is going to really be hard... <BR> <BR> Anyway, although I was eating lots of naughty stuff, I did take some time to focus on my future goals....while feeling the pain of trying to roll over on a beach towel and then get up from same towel, thighs st... Fri, 4 Jul 2014 16:26:25 EST Vacation is Here Waited and waited and now it is finally time to load the car and head out...and all my goals for slimming down in order to enjoy walking on the beach, bending down to hunt for seaglass, etc...well, guess who failed? Me! I am still fat, having actually gained a few pounds over the last few months and I still look hideous in shorts and bathing suit but - and here's a big but, not to be confused with my big butt -- BUT: I am going to enjoy every minute of this vacation without caring what peopl... Sat, 28 Jun 2014 05:49:20 EST Ode to a Bathing Suit Oh shiny piece of stretchy fabric <BR> I used to love you so <BR> And then because I put on weight <BR> your size had to grow. <BR> <BR> What once was a bikini <BR> has morphed into a tent <BR> you try your best to hide my flaws <BR> and listen to me vent. <BR> <BR> I carry on about my thighs <BR> my flapping bat-like wings <BR> I moan and groan and cry about <BR> the way my clothing clings <BR> <BR> Oh simple suit, you squish me in <BR> you try to fit around <BR> my rolls and hips and eve... Tue, 24 Jun 2014 04:48:47 EST New Car - New Me It may be crazy but....I bought a new car one month ago and just traded it in for something else! I just wasn't 100% happy with the CR-V and missed my Subaru. Had a Forester but hated the color so I got the CR-V, nice color but just not 'me', now I have a 2011 Outback and I am so happy! <BR> <BR> So there I was in the driveway trying to set up the bluetooth and radio stuff and the dog takes off across the street. I had to chase him, try to lure him home, got half way back then had to chase h... Sun, 22 Jun 2014 17:52:36 EST Finding What Works for Me Wouldn't it be great if the Magic Fat-Melting Fairy could come along and just wave the flab away so we could have a fresh start? <BR> <em>188</em> "Fat - Be Gone!" **poof** <em>9</em> <BR> If that could happen, it would give me license to eat poorly all the time, knowing the Fairy would come and erase all evidence of my gluttonous ways. <BR> <BR> Truth be told - that ain't happenin' any time soon. The reality is that we have to find what works for us...what works for me might not wo... Wed, 18 Jun 2014 04:41:45 EST Co-Worker Support A co-worker and I have decided to be each other's support when it comes to late day binge eating, stress eating, get-up and get-moving instead of sitting...our office is moving to a new building on Monday - new desk, new building, time to build a new routine and new habits. She was successful at weight loss but not in a healthy way - I think her calorie intake was less than 1000 a day, combined with intense exercise. She is younger than me and has more energy, more stamina and less to lose. ... Sat, 14 Jun 2014 05:44:05 EST Long Rant, Pity Party, New Focus Vacation starts at the end of this month and I am disgusted by the fact t hat I've made no significant progress in my weight loss efforts - not even sure I would call it an effort at this point, I feel like a blob of fat. Shorts and a bathing suit are going to look hideous on me. I am praying I don't see anyone I know on our trip to the beach, I would be mortified as I have morphed from a teenager with all the right curves to a fat, lumpy old lady. <BR> <BR> I know they say we shouldn't talk... Sun, 1 Jun 2014 08:26:45 EST Baby Steps to Move Ahead Based on some very supportive comments, I am going to try to focus on one or two small changes at a time, incorporate them into my life so they become habit/routine and then add another 1 -2 changes and so on. I think trying to change too many things at once is overwhelming...and since it is not working and I fell off the wagon again (okay, I jumped) it can't hurt because at least I can say I'm doing "this" and "this" and being successful as opposed to being a complete failure. <BR> <BR> So ... Wed, 28 May 2014 05:28:12 EST Depressing Rant Not feeling very motivated lately - wish I could get back into the mood of going to the gym and eating right but I fell back into old eating patterns this weekend and my exercise was cleaning the basement. **sigh** Getting discouraged with myself, with lack of focus and much as I might want to lose the weight, I feel it is a hopeless case, too much to lose, and life is too short to give up chocolate and ice cream. <BR> <BR> Toying with the idea of doing Weight Watchers again...b... Tue, 27 May 2014 04:04:27 EST Low Carb is Hard I've been struggling to keep at the whole low carb thing - I'm sorry but giving up bread is worse than giving up cigarettes. I like my oyster crackers in my soup and I like a bit of toast with my eggs and fruit. A few crackers with some cheese shouldn't be such a no-no... <BR> <BR> I am also having a super hard time giving up hard candy completely. During the day at work, when the stress gets to me, it's nice to suck on a jawbreaker or lollipop - give me something to do with my mouth (besid... Sun, 25 May 2014 05:21:24 EST A Taxi Driver and a Priest Die… A Taxi Driver and a Priest Die… <BR> He waits for a long time and finally goes to St. Peter and asks: "Why could that taxi driver go to the highest level of heaven and I, who all my life spoke about God, have to wait for such a long time?" <BR> <BR> St. Peter replies: "When you were speaking to the people at your church, everybody was sleeping. But when that taxi driver was driving, everybody prayed!" <BR> <BR> <em>246</em> <em>18</em> Sat, 24 May 2014 06:18:10 EST Low Carb Day 3 of very reduced carbs - still having fruit but no candy, bread, cereal, cookies, etc. <BR> <BR> Appetite is less. <BR> Cravings come and go . <BR> Missing bread more than the sweet stuff... <BR> Very tired - possibly due to so much less sugar in my bloodstream? <BR> <BR> Not sure this can be sustainable long term but willing to give it a good couple of weeks to see if there are any changes, scale results, etc. Tue, 20 May 2014 17:29:11 EST GNC Stopped at GNC and talked to the nutrition counselor there. She lost 100 lbs and had some great advice. Didn't try to sell me every product out there either. Got a good deal on a supplement package that includes women's vitamins along with a green tea complex, carnitine , fish oil, and something called Burn 60 which is supposed to speed metabolism. Also got some shakes (samples were pretty darn tasty) and some powdered peanut butter. She gave me a list of foods and ideas also, keeping carbs a... Sun, 18 May 2014 03:51:32 EST Salads Decided this week to add salad to my's not as awful as I thought, although I do get a bit gassy which is rather uncomfortable and embarrassing. <BR> <em>550</em> <em>551</em> <em>550</em> <BR> Going to try and create a severely restricted diet in the sense of certain foods are going to be strictly off limits because it seems like I cannot lose this flab no matter what I try. Later on I am going to go through my food tracker and devise a calorie based plan that allows for... Fri, 16 May 2014 05:03:56 EST Up Too Early This 3:30 AM wake up thing is starting to really wear me down...I wake up raring to go at this ungodly hour and do great until about 2 PM and then I just want to take a nap. Of course, being at work makes this impossible so to stay awake, I start to eat and it's downhill from there. <BR> <BR> Must find either a way to stay asleep when I should be asleep or a better way to cope in the afternoons.... Tue, 13 May 2014 04:19:52 EST Getting Back on Track & Tracking I was doing really well but somehow I have just sort of let go of that determined feeling and let little habits creep back that Mother's Day is over and my feel are healing, I can get back to the gym and back on a regular eating plan. I think I am going to have to track my food, much as I hate doing it, because what I think I am eating and what I am actually eating seem to be vastly different in that it doesn't make sense for me to gain weight if I am eating healthy (yes, I've overdo... Mon, 12 May 2014 05:20:33 EST Searching for Faith/Religion How does one become faithful and put their trust in Jesus? <BR> <BR> So many people, especially my extended family, seem to have this inner calm and sense of peace, even when things are going horribly wrong in their lives. The turn to Jesus, read the Bible, go to church, pray, etc...I am, in a word, envious of their ability to believe, to have faith, to commit themselves like they do. <BR> <BR> I struggle with this. I want to believe and have faith and be able to turn to God / Jesus but I f... Wed, 7 May 2014 05:11:49 EST Gym Today - Home Tomorrow Need to make it count today - have some minor foot procedures coming up which I think will limit my walking for a few days. Also need to talk about possible future surgery, not sure when to schedule that. <BR> <BR> Taking tomorrow off as I don't know how much walking I'm going to want to do and I really can use a 'down day' to kind of sit around, do some crocheting, read, nap, etc. Rejuvenate my spirit and let everyone else deal with the chaos at work - see if they can manage without me. <BR... Mon, 5 May 2014 05:04:58 EST Sugar - the Enemy? The kids made a chocolate cake yesterday with chocolate frosting. It stared me down for a few hours before I figured, "Ok, I've eaten clean - no sugar - all week, and it really looks good." Cut off a slice, ate it, had a half slice more because I was feeling that old craving / urge to over do it take over, and then I walked away. No big deal...or so I thought. <BR> <BR> Very tired, went to bed, tossed and turned, woke up thinking there had been a crisis with my son, could not get back to sle... Sun, 4 May 2014 08:42:08 EST Antidepressant Advice The most over-used antidepressant is food. <BR> The most under used antidepressant is exercise. Sat, 3 May 2014 07:07:46 EST Baby Steps Paying Off Weighed myself after 3 days of clean eating - lost 4 lbs. <BR> <BR> <em>244</em> <em>244</em> <em>244</em> <em>244</em> <em>244</em> Tue, 29 Apr 2014 18:34:37 EST Continuing to Eat "Clean" I'm sure I'm not eating 100% clean but for me, I'm defining "clean" as: no junk food, no sugar in the form of candy, cookies, etc., limited bread / crackers (just need that bit of crunch sometimes but I'm way down from how it used to be). I'm not eating unless I'm truly hungry and I'm trying to 'ride out' cravings like I did when I quit smoking...they do go away eventually. I miss my mints and hard candy, especially at work, but I'm doing remarkably well so far. <BR> <BR> I feel better...I'm... Mon, 28 Apr 2014 18:41:56 EST Amazing I ate clean junk food, high protein, decent amount of fiber...I actually tracked what I ate and I didn't even hit 1600 calories. I am pleasantly full, not feeling bloated, no heartburn...survived a couple of sugar cravings... <BR> <BR> I feel good and not deprived and I am amazed at this! <BR> <BR> I know it won't always be so easy, some days life is going to get in my way and I will feel like eating bread is the most important thing in the world...but I got through today with n... Sat, 26 Apr 2014 22:52:56 EST The Gym, Junk, and Motivation I made it to the gym 4 out of 5 mornings before work this week and on that 4th day, I had walked around the block (1 mile) with the dog. My workouts were not sweat-dripping, feel-the-burn things but I was more excited to just be creating the habit of getting my sorry @$$ in there and doing something! I'm trying to overcome my anxiety of someone else being there watching me, and also getting comfortable with how the machines work. So even though I probably didn't accomplish much in terms of to... Sat, 26 Apr 2014 06:27:04 EST Progress - Baby Steps My eating habits are not much improved, but I have been to the gym 3 days in a row (today will be day 4 if I can wake myself up a bit more) and I've consistently stuck to my goal of washing off my makeup every night. The silly thing keeping me motivated to go to the gym is I am putting smiley face stickers on a calendar at work for every day I go and it's a visual reminder that I am making progress. <BR> I do eat a healthy breakfast and lunch, and I pack healthy snacks - my problem really boi... Thu, 24 Apr 2014 04:37:11 EST Photos Photos make you see things you can be in denial about. Like yesterday, I was caught in some family photos at a gathering and the photos made it to Facebook where I am mortified that other people can see them. No one made any rude comments of course, but there is no denying that my lower half (basically from my neck to my thighs) has turned into the shape of a jellybean. Granted, I know I need to lose weight, get in shape, etc., but seeing it 'out there' in front of people who haven't seen me ... Sun, 20 Apr 2014 06:24:04 EST