SEAGLASS1215's SparkPeople Blog SEAGLASS1215's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Food, Stress, and Feeling Good! Came to the realization that the less focused I am on food and calories and nutrients, the less binge eating I do and the better I feel overall in terms of stress, anxiety, depression over my weight. If I take a walk on my break at work, it's because I want to enjoy the fresh air and clear my head, not because I am trying to 'exercise'...and again, my reasons are shifting my thinking away from being stressed about how much activity I am doing to how much am I enjoying this beautiful fall weat... Sat, 3 Oct 2015 06:31:21 EST Venting about a FB Re-Post i reposted something on FB that supposedly was a quote from the Pope (I am Catholic but have not been to church in a long time) and of course, my holy roller cousin has to quickly point out that this quote was in fact, not from the Pope at all. (My extended family is up for saint-hood by the way, out-blessing and out-praising and out-amen shouting each other). <BR> <BR> I never post anything to do with religion (I feel that's everyone's personal business). This quote was rather secular in na... Mon, 28 Sep 2015 05:14:42 EST As a follow up... yesterday's blog - I am not going to jump through nutritional hoops of knowledge in my weight loss efforts - no more buying magazines based on the false promises on the covers about weight loss success if I take a certain vitamin that I can only order online or making concoctions of certain oils mixed with yogurt and seeds that make me almost 55 years old, I have to stop trying to turn my body into the thing of beauty I had in my 20's and start treating it like the precious mac... Sun, 27 Sep 2015 08:45:49 EST Traveling Again / Thoughts on Eating So they want to send me back to New Mexico in a little less than a month from now...third time in one year and I never imagined traveling for work, I started so low on the corporate ladder and I don't think I've gone up by more than rung in 10 years...oh well, I am looking forward to it, the weather will be cooler than it was in July and my new boss will be there as well so it should be fun. The people out there are so nice also - really excited to be going back for another week! <BR> <BR> I... Sat, 26 Sep 2015 06:08:47 EST Motivating Goal / Reward I am signing up to go on a quilting retreat in April. I would like to be in much better shape by the time this trip comes around so I am using it as both motivator and reward. In order to afford the trip, I am planning to pay myself a small bit of money for each day I stick to my eating and exercise goals. The small bit won't feel like it's draining the bank and yet, when the trip rolls around, I will have saved the money to pay for it and gotten into better shape along the way. <BR> <BR> Da... Mon, 21 Sep 2015 05:25:06 EST Need for Structure / Routine This past week I was on vacation with no set plans...and I pretty much fell off my good intention wagon and gave in to some binge eating, junk food, and sloth-like attitude with regards to exercise. It seems the less busy I actually was, the less motivated I was to do anything. Monday is back to work and I would like to set myself up for success once I am back in my normal daily routine - prepare healthy meals and snacks ahead of time to bring to the office, make the time to walk during break... Sat, 12 Sep 2015 07:00:41 EST Update on Working my "Plan" On my way to the pool this morning, then I am working from home so I don't need to fuss with getting dressed up after I swim...the weekend plans are shaping up - going to Cape Cod - and then I have the entire following week off! No big plans other than some major house cleaning, decluttering, maybe treat myself to a day of perusing the bookstores and antique shops... <BR> <BR> Happy to report I am very focused on clean eating these past few days - not strictly following any particular plan b... Thu, 3 Sep 2015 05:08:24 EST Back to Whole30 / Modified Paleo / My Own Version I'm not even sure what to call my new strategy...probably just Eating As Clean As Possible Without Driving Myself Insane -- but that's a bit wordy. <BR> <BR> Basically after reading a gazillion articles, books, blogs, advertisements, you name it - what it all really comes down to is eating as little processed food as possible and eating more protein, fiber, healthy fats in reasonable portions while increasing exercise but not pulling a groin muscle in the process... <BR> <BR> So - here's m... Sun, 30 Aug 2015 15:14:11 EST Adopted a Rescue Kitty A local shelter held free adoptions for cats over a year old this weekend - we waited in line for a good while before finally getting in with a counselor who narrowed down our choices to our preference for a cat who could co-exist with other cats (not many out there) and dogs (even fewer). Well - please meet Pudge, our 9 years old newest family member! <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> He is an absolute sweetheart, ful... Sun, 30 Aug 2015 07:15:50 EST Wishful Thinking - Can it come true? Feeling guilty about not having been to the pool I paid big bucks to join...seems like something is always coming up or I just don't have the energy it takes to stuff myself into a bathing suit and then get out of it, take a shower, and get dressed again. If I wasn't so out of shape and heavy, it would be easier..and so would many things in my life -- putting on socks, tying my shoes, hooking my bra, picking things up from the floor, getting in and out of bed -- I could go on for pages with ... Wed, 26 Aug 2015 05:19:34 EST On My Walk... I walked the other day...just me, no dogs...and discovered something. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I have driven past that neighbor's flowering bush every day, but only when walking did I actually see it up close and realize how beautiful it was. Take your time, slow down in this hurried world, you may find some delightful surprises surrounding you. Tue, 25 Aug 2015 04:58:13 EST Motivated Again The battery in my scale died and when I finally replaced it, I was shocked to discover a 5 pound weight gain...seriously?!? At first I was devastated but now I am more resigned to the fact that my poor choices and bad habits have gotten me where I am today. It's not that I haven't tried, but I certainly have not tried to use all the tools at my disposal - I've looked for the quick fix, the easy way out, the latest fad or trend...and this does not work. <BR> <BR> I have been on Spark people s... Mon, 17 Aug 2015 03:59:33 EST Trying to Come Up with a Plan It's not too late, is it? <BR> At 54 years old and close to 100 lbs overweight...will I actually be able to lose weight and gain muscle and become the toned, thinner person I see in my head and want to see in the mirror? <BR> If I give this another shot and focus on small steps each day, is it really going to make a difference? <BR> <BR> I know everyone is different and what works for one person may not work for someone else. I have tried so many things and nothing seems to work for me or, i... Sat, 15 Aug 2015 06:50:48 EST So Depressed I want to Stop even Trying I should be able to resist food when I am not genuinely hungry.Head hunger keeps winning lately, cravings and binge eating and overall obsession with food have ruled my life the past few days and I feel completely out of control. Blindly bought new clothes automatically in a size 1x and everything I looked at was just large, baggy, shapeless...DH was with me in the store, said he'd meet up with me and where should he look for me so I said in the Fat Ladies section. I try to move more but ever... Thu, 13 Aug 2015 20:30:48 EST Dream Interpretation I had written down the details of a very strange dream but lost the blog when I switched tabs....The symbolic messages in this dream included a pool, shoes, a dog, paralyzing fear, climbing, a war, and my deceased parents. Below is a compilation of the meanings I got from the different symbols in the dream: <BR> <BR> I have doubts that need to be confronted. <BR> I need to redirect my energy in a more positive manner. <BR> I am trying to overcome a great struggle. <BR> I am seeking some s... Sun, 9 Aug 2015 07:18:30 EST Planning is the Easy Part I can make plans like it's a part time plans, exercise plans, time name it, I've got a plan (or two or three, at least) for just about everything. Sticking to the plan? Not so much. <BR> <BR> When I tried for years to quit smoking, I had all kinds of elaborate plans for how to do that, too. Nothing worked. Then one day, I simply woke up and didn't have that first cigarette of the day. That was almost 17 years ago. I haven't had a cigarette since. I simply just... Thu, 6 Aug 2015 05:11:05 EST Long Random Blog Missed my family reunion which I feel bad about, but it was the day after I got home from my trip and I just was not up to driving 2 hours there, socializing and driving two hours back again late at night...part of me did not want to attend anyway, due to my size and shape, these people last saw me looking chunky but not obese and I was embarrassed about them seeing me so heavy -- looking at some pictures posted on FaceBook, I can see now that I am not the only one who has 'let myself go' so ... Mon, 3 Aug 2015 04:41:17 EST Now that I'm Home.... Being away from home and routine was fun, exciting, and I have to admit, tiring and boring at times too. I wanted to see and do so much, yet after working all day, I was too tired to go out much. <BR> <BR> I am looking forward to getting back to 'normal' but I did pick up a few good habits while I was away - drinking lots of water (to avoid altitude sickness) and no snacking at work...I'd like to continue those moving forward. <BR> <BR> I also bought a new pedometer so my initial goal is go... Sat, 1 Aug 2015 07:29:16 EST The Man who Died My work, in part, involves reading death certificates most of the day and after 10 years I'm pretty immune to it...however, yesterday one really caught my eye. Cause of death - deep vein thrombosis (unknown how long the man had it), related condition - morbid obesity. The man was 41 years old. <BR> <BR> This scared me. I am 54, obese according to the doctor's chart, and will be flying again for work where I'll be sitting cramped in a plane and for all I know I could have blood clots in my le... Fri, 24 Jul 2015 04:58:24 EST Just Some Random Musings... The Devil (OldMe) went on my mini weekend vacation with me and had a grand old time...hoping I left that nasty little demon two states away and I can spend some time nurturing my Angel (NewMe). <BR> <BR> Found a great article in a magazine with a plan to eat healthy that I can actually do without feeling deprived. I do need to give up caffeine though so perhaps I will get myself on the eating plan part of it and then wean off the coffee. It's very similar to the Whole30 eating style with the... Mon, 20 Jul 2015 05:31:32 EST Angel & Devil on my Shoulders I imagine a fat little devil perched on one shoulder filling my head with seemingly logical reasons for why cake, candy, chips, processed junk is something I need to deal with the stress and pressure in my life. Her clawed feet are gripping my shoulder, forcing me to pay attention to her because the pain (cravings) seem to increase the more I ignore her. But I'm strong enough to flick that little demon off my shoulder, even though she is a fat slob and it takes a pretty firm swat to resist h... Tue, 14 Jul 2015 05:33:43 EST Getting Back on Track from Vacation Ready to get myself back on a modified Whole30 plan...I will allow a bit of pasta or rice or whole wheat crackers here and there, not at every meal of course, just now and then to round out a meal or two. Will still have 1/2 and 1/2 in my coffee and occasionally some oatmeal for breakfast. Popcorn with olive oil or coconut oil at night if it's one of those high stress days where I feel the overwhelming urge to crunch (or bite the head off of someone). <BR> <BR> These little tweaks to the pl... Sat, 11 Jul 2015 12:41:46 EST Whole30 Update So aside from two cups of coffee in the morning with a splash of half and half, I am sticking to this concept of clean eating. I was going to wean myself off the coffee but it just worked out that I stopped having any after my two cups in the morning. <BR> <BR> I do have some ranch dressing with my veggies at lunch. <BR> <BR> I still chew too much bubble gum - habit, stress, must work on this. <BR> <BR> I don't miss candy and cookies so much as I do pretzels - that salty crunch is a grea... Wed, 24 Jun 2015 04:50:32 EST Whole30 A co-worker told me about this concept, where you eat foods pretty much like on the Paleo diet for 30 days - good quality protein, lots of veggies, fruit, good fats....and that's about it. No dairy, no grains, no legumes, and obviously no processed junk. <BR> <BR> I want to do this...and yet I am balking at the idea of giving up - of all things - cream in my coffee. I think I can give up sugar without too much heartache because I know it is doing me no good. I can give up bread and pasta, wh... Mon, 22 Jun 2015 05:39:36 EST Researching the Diagnosis Yesterday I did really well eating healthy food until after dinner...then I cracked and had a sugar binge (not as bad as it could have been but still, I wasn't happy about it). I think the reason is due to the book I am reading about bipolar teens, as my DD was recently diagnosed as being on the bipolar spectrum and the symptoms I'm reading about really seem to fit her and the difficulties we've been having. I think the reality of the situation and the stress of it all just made it that much ... Sun, 21 Jun 2015 05:50:17 EST More Travel, Work Changes Another trip out west is in the works - they wanted me to go soon, I convinced them to wait a bit as training the new hires is more important for me to be there a few weeks after they are settled into their new roles - they'll have more questions and be ready to learn the more complicated things where having me right there will be more beneficial. <BR> <BR> I learned somethings the first time I traveled...I would rather have more time between flights to catch a healthy meal and do some walki... Tue, 16 Jun 2015 04:43:12 EST Just a Vent - Bad Mood Sometimes I feel very negative in terms of what is going on around me - antisocial maybe, I don't know...neighbor's kid graduated, we are invited to the party - I don't want to go. Niece also graduated - that party is tomorrow, have to go because it's family but I don't want to. I am not a party go-er, I don't like to drink and socialize and mingle and make small talk - I'd rather be home resting after a stressful week, maybe read a bit or work on my latest quilt project...I feel like it's ma... Sat, 13 Jun 2015 16:36:08 EST Yep - I ate the whole thing... Remember that old commercial that said something like: "I can't believe I ate the whole thing"...well, that was me yesterday. Very reluctantly I tracked what I can remember eating (I may have omitted something) and came to a total of 3010 calories for the day...yes that's right over 3000...lunch was the majority as we had a cook out at work....topping off dinner (bowl of popcorn - real nutritious) with a Klondike bar was probably not the greatest choice either (duh! ya think?!) <BR> <BR> The... Wed, 10 Jun 2015 05:07:04 EST Jelly Beans.... ....are evil. <BR> <BR> They are addictive, sickeningly sweet colorful orbs of pure evil... <BR> <BR> I went on a binge and devoured about 50 of those little sugar bombs. Today my muscles joints feel so achy, like I tried to run a marathon; my head feels like it's stuffed with cotton; I can't wake up; my stomach hurts. <BR> <BR> Too. Much. Sugar. <BR> <BR> I want to say "Never again!" but I've learned to never say never. So I'll say this: Not planning to repeat yesterday's behavior - ever... Mon, 8 Jun 2015 04:56:44 EST Quitting Weight Watchers I came the the realization yesterday at my meeting that after being a WW member since November and only having lost 2 lbs (I go up and down each week) that the $$ spent is simply not worth it as they are not teaching me anything I don't already know. I am paid through July 15 so I will continue to go until then but my tracking is going to be done here on Spark (I did that yesterday and it's not much different than the WW site (which I am not a fan of either, their groups and things are hard ... Sun, 7 Jun 2015 05:11:18 EST My Week - Lightbulb Moments My week -- I started off well but due some unforeseen family stress I stopped focusing on me and instead focused on others... <BR> <BR> I was doing pretty well with tracking (my goal) and I think because I made some unhealthy choices while I was in the middle of the crises I decided it would throw me way off course if I admitted (wrote down) the unhealthy choices I was making. <em>3</em> Light bulb moment! I am okay with tracking when I'm doing good but hate to admit mistakes so I slack o... Sat, 6 Jun 2015 07:51:11 EST I started a Spark Team I created a Spark Team called: Healthy Habit Challenge - 3 months at a Time. The idea behind it is that the team will only exist for three months (unless it is a success, then I'll continue it for another 3 months) with the purpose being to focus on one goal and a healthy habit that you want to work on and change. Mine happens to be tracking (you will know by previous blogs that this is my hardest habit to stick to). <BR> <BR> I've started posting a few things on the team page (I'm my own be... Wed, 27 May 2015 05:00:26 EST Spark Teams.... So I was scrolling through the myriad of Spark Teams that are out there and it got me thinking....most of them have a daily chat, a 'post an emoticon' thread, a A-Z game thing...I don't know, it just seems like they are all more or less the same. Maybe it's me, I just don't find those types of things very supportive. I had a hard time finding a team that I felt I can really relate to....I admit, some of this is my own doing, I'm not big on posting things "out there" for anyone to make comment... Sun, 24 May 2015 08:57:37 EST Overtired Mind making a Food Plan the beginnings of my plan...random ramblings, jet lag setting in... <BR> <BR> - reduce processed foods....going cold turkey on this is sure to backfire for me <BR> - junk "food" is not food...better to eat some nuts and a piece of real cheese than half a bag of Doritos <BR> - three real meals (sit down) and two snack (not treats, but snacks - there is a difference) daily <BR> - mindful eating - no distractions <BR> - track my food -- will need to determine if sticking with WW is the way ... Fri, 22 May 2015 18:52:21 EST Finally Home Had a great time in NM even though most of it was business trip, I got to explore a bit, do a little shopping - it's good to be home but I think - no, I know - I have finally hit rock bottom with this excess weight. <BR> <BR> While in the airport between flights, I had to go from one gate to another - the second gate was so far away! - and I had my lap top case (heavy) and carry-on bag (heavier)...there was no way I was going to make it. Not within the 1/2 hour I had to catch the connecting ... Fri, 22 May 2015 16:33:37 EST Positive Focus 3 1. Thankful that spring has been cooler because it cuts down on the pesky black flies. <BR> 2. Thankful that I got remote access for my work so I can start working from home on days when my daughter needs me here. <BR> 3. Thankful that I have enough money to afford the things I need and some that I just want...although I need to get back on a budget after paying my home/car insurance! <BR> 4. Thankful that my husband still finds me attractive after all these years and all these additional pou... Sun, 17 May 2015 05:08:26 EST Positive Focus 2 Today I am grateful for: <BR> <BR> 1. The weekend! SO glad the week is over - now I can concentrate on packing and making sure I have everything I need for my trip next week. <BR> <BR> 2. My Pharmacist - they thought they did not have a medication my daughter needed, but she was able to locate it and save me the effort of running around town to different drugstores. <BR> <BR> 3. My Pets - but in particular, today, my little rescue dog who absolutely melts my heart when she wants her "lovie... Sat, 16 May 2015 05:34:30 EST Positive Focus A dear friend here on Spark People has inspired me to write a blog of things I am grateful for, which got me to remembering how I used to write a daily journal of 5 things daily that I was thankful for or feeling positive about. I've lost track of that paper one, and my handwriting has deteriorated over the years - I'd just rather do something similar here, since I check in at least daily, and I think focusing on the positive things in my life each morning would be a great way to start each d... Fri, 15 May 2015 05:23:37 EST Just some Updates My back is still sore - more bruised than anything - and during the day I am doing okay, a bit slower perhaps, stairs are challenging...getting in and out of bed is almost a workout, that really hurts, but I don't think anything is seriously wrong other than I took a bad fall and need time to heal. I was so lucky, it could have been so much worse! <BR> <BR> I've tracked my food for 3 days now, a huge accomplishment for me because I am so resistant to it...I'm using the online WW tracker sinc... Wed, 13 May 2015 04:51:31 EST Fell - Hurt my Back I fell today shortly after writing my earlier blog - - trying to hang on to two dog leashes while they were going ballistic over a dog who approached us out of nowhere, two bikers, and two other dogs who we'd just passed. My dogs were obnoxious and pulling me so hard, I tried to hang on and crouch down in the street to hold them back and then I ended up falling flat on my back - not my butt first, which has a lot of cushion, but right on my spine. To say I am sore is an understatement, but I... Sun, 10 May 2015 17:26:04 EST Ch-ch-ch-changes.... Many changes and exciting things coming up - at work, my boss offered me a new role, something they are sort of creating which I will fit into very nicely, but in the meantime, I am still working with my old teammates...however, my old team (which is down to two people) is being 'let go' as their jobs are moving to another location out of state yet still within the company...I am the person training the new people who will be taking over and I get to travel out there for a week to do so. I ne... Sun, 10 May 2015 06:33:06 EST Timeline 08/01 I was invited to an out of state family reunion scheduled for August 1st...that is a mere 3 months it possible to even dream about being at a better weight by then? Could I somehow get myself down to at least 200 pounds? I would have to be very very very strict about eating and exercise...something I haven't been able to do before but I never really had a goal date before, either. I usually only see my extended family at would be nice to see them in a happy setting for... Tue, 5 May 2015 04:58:34 EST Did I Hit Bottom?...Again?? Totally Mortified...that was how I felt yesterday trying to get into one of our trucks - there is no running board to use as a step stool to climb up into it, and no handles to help haul myself up and in...(did I mention I'm short?) stupid left leg is so weak from the pain in the pulled muscle that I could not get any leverage so I had to get my right leg in first and then sort of dive across the seat until I could swing around and shift my butt into a position where I was sitting normal... Sun, 3 May 2015 07:45:09 EST When it pours Some people have good luck, most people have some good and some bad...then there is my daughter, bad luck seems to follow her and when something bad happens, fate laughs in her face and has to be sure to put icing on the cake. To make a long story short, after a very rough week just when things were looking up, her guinea pig died. She handled it fairly well and we were talking about getting either another one or maybe a rabbit and my son walks in with the news that a friend's father just pas... Sat, 2 May 2015 05:40:07 EST Moving my ***FOR PRIVACY REASONS, I'VE MOVED THIS JOURNAL TO MY BLOG*** <BR> <BR> They say (whoever 'they' are) that it takes 3 weeks (21 days) to make (or break) a habit so I am publicly posting this in the hopes that I will stick to it. <BR> <BR> HABITS TO ADD: <BR> <BR> (TF) TRACK FOOD - this includes being aware of portion sizes, weighing and measuring, writing down everything (even if it wasn't the best choice) <BR> <BR> (AM) WEAR ACTIVITY MONITOR - just wearing it every day and knowing that... Thu, 30 Apr 2015 17:42:01 EST Magazine & Stupid Leg Pain... I picked up a copy of Prevention Magazine and they are promoting a 21day transformation challenge...I went to their website to sign up because it sounded like a great idea, but they want $9.95 to join and then more if you want the book on breaking your sugar habit and access to the trainer...sorry, but I think I can find what I need right here on SparkPeople without it costing me money. This site is invaluable for the advice, articles, tips, encouragement - and friendship! Yes there are team ... Sun, 26 Apr 2015 18:45:45 EST Another Weekend Shot to Hell I started off good...went to weight watchers, had a long talk with the leader, felt motivated and in control. And then came Saturday night, with a huge bonfire celebrating my son's birthday and people brought my favorite cake, and there was a cookout, and I wake up today and try again. Egg white omelet, lots of veggies...topped off with a huge hunk of that danged caked! then it was out to dinner and a major splurge - shrimp scampi, split dessert, too much bread...I'm so stuffed I... Sun, 19 Apr 2015 19:52:58 EST Another Vent Going to try to make it around the block today even if my leg hurts, I have GOT to get out and move to relieve some stress and get back in the habit of moving. <BR> <BR> Additional stress at work - my boss told me my cost center is changing next week, which means I am moving forward with changing my team mates are unaware and I am a bit worried as they are not replacing me and I don't know what will happen to the current duties I have - how will they get done and by whom? Also ne... Wed, 15 Apr 2015 04:38:31 EST Very Stressful / Emotional Day Exhausted...Stressed....Eating too much...Not moving enough.... <BR> <BR> Lots of unexpected stress yesterday... <BR> <BR> Made poor choices and feeling it today in the form of sugar withdrawal. <BR> <BR> Wish I could sleep the day away... <BR> <BR> Being the mother of a 17 year old daughter who at her best is an emotional train wreck and at her worst (yesterday) stating she cannot see the point in living anymore, it's no wonder I use food as a comforting stress reliever. My eating plans ... Tue, 14 Apr 2015 04:54:51 EST Some Preplanning for the Week I have been eating the same breakfast (which I thought was healthy) for a few weeks now and finally decided to enter the nutrition information to see how many WW points it was...turned out to be 11 points! I figured out a way to tweak it and, if I stick to the Simply Filling plan instead of counting every point (just the 49 weekly extra ones) it will only cost me 2 points. <BR> <BR> I also figured out a way to make the salad cheaper at work - brining my own chicken, hard boiled egg, dressin... Mon, 13 Apr 2015 04:59:05 EST