SEAGLASS1215's SparkPeople Blog SEAGLASS1215's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Last Blog of the Month This has ben a tumultuous month to say the least, lots of stress within the family, my eating and exercise habits went from pretty darn impressive to what-the-heck-am-I thinking...we leave for vacation tomorrow and I am hoping I can make peace in my relationship with food while I am away from the day to day stress of life, this has become such a burden for me that I really don't want to carry anymore. <BR> <BR> Saw some pictures from the party last week and am mortified by my size...I don't ... Thu, 30 Jun 2016 06:24:05 EST Changing Things - Again - Long Rant So I quit the surprise there, at least I didn't let it drag on for months debating about it. While it wasn't as bad as I thought (except for that blasted music that they have blaring all the time), I really did not like it very much and found myself stressing about going, making the time to get there, and feeling pressure because I had other things that had to get done so I ended up ditching the gym day after day - yet feeling relieved that I didn't have to go. I did learn from the ... Fri, 24 Jun 2016 05:32:25 EST Talk about a Streak! I just got a Spark Award for logging in 350 days in a row...only 15 to go and it will be an entire year I have logged on without missing a day! Now the pressure is on, because at the end of next week we leave on vacation and I will be totally out of my routine. At the very least I can use my phone to log in and spin the wheel but it's harder to write blogs and comments that way...but I am determined to reach that full year of logging in! <BR> <BR> <em>347</em> Wed, 22 Jun 2016 05:27:31 EST Quick Notes to Self If I limit my eating to 6 scheduled times per day, it is much easier to track what I am eating since it's not a grazing/tracking/grazing cycle all day long. <BR> <BR> I survived feeling hungry, knowing my next meal was an hour away. <BR> <BR> Asking myself if a certain food choice will help me or hurt me in reaching my goals has resulted in sometimes making a better choice. With practice, the healthy choice will happen more frequently. <BR> <BR> I last 5 minutes on the elliptical, also did... Mon, 20 Jun 2016 06:00:19 EST Vacation is in Two Weeks I in better physical shape than I was last year at this time? NO <BR> <BR> I weigh any less than last year at this time? NO <BR> <BR> ...can I wear shorts or a bathing suit better than last year? NO <BR> <BR> ...will I miraculously lose 20 lbs in the next two weeks? NO <BR> <BR> ...did ANYTHING change since last year? NO <BR> <BR> I think I vowed after last year's vacation that this year I was going to look, feel, and be better in terms of weight, size, much ... Thu, 16 Jun 2016 06:03:13 EST Confession for the Final Time Yesterday was a no-good, messed-up, eat-everything kind of day which resulted in me leaving work early...not feeling well, and guess why? Overdose on food (dried cranberries in particular) which left me bloated, dull, lethargic, and spacey. Everything hurt and I went to put sneakers on to relieve the foot pain and could not comfortably bend over to put on socks...I looked and felt like a whale trying to bend in half. I also had to spend time sitting on a bar stool style chair and kept sliding... Wed, 15 Jun 2016 05:57:04 EST "The Little Prince" - My Adaptation I have never read this book until just recently, basically because it was mentioned repeatedly in a novel I was reading about being one of the character's favorite books ever. So I finally read it and was a little blown away to say the least by some of the messages in it. In Chapter 12, the little prince meets a tippler...bear with me while I substitute the word "Binger" for "Tippler", change the gender to a woman, and change the drink references to food references: <BR> <BR> "What are you ... Sun, 12 Jun 2016 05:16:35 EST Why I Keep Failing At This I am trying to figure out why I keep going back to old habits, why I find myself at the bottom of an empty cookie jar wondering (yet again) what the heck I was thinking...Possible reasons are listed below. <BR> <BR> 1. is my coping mechanism and has been ever since I quit smoking. Food never caused me any weight problems until I found myself using it for reasons other than hunger. <BR> <BR> 2. Slow Results...I want the weight gone - yesterday! This losing one pound a week thi... Fri, 10 Jun 2016 05:53:47 EST Walking Inspiration - Hate to Admit It Every morning I sit at my computer, having my coffee, logging into Spark and basically waking up. Every morning, I look out my window and see a neighbor walking. Sometimes alone, sometimes with someone else...but every day she is out there between 5:30 AM and 6:00 AM while I sit here, not moving.... <BR> <BR> This woman is irritating in more ways than one. She is the neighborhood gossip monger, the nose-body, the one who bluntly will tell you exactly what she thinks and it's usually never an... Wed, 8 Jun 2016 06:02:44 EST Need to Schedule My Time Better I confess - I have not been to the gym all last week. I know I don't have really good excuses, just a few lame ones that seemed valid at the time. I could have made the time to get to the gym, but my internal dialog was something along the lines of "You hate to sweat, it's going to take too long, you can make it up tomorrow, you've got too much other stuff to do" and my answer to all that was "Okay, I won't go". <BR> <BR> I know I feel better physically and mentally when I exercise - and I... Sun, 5 Jun 2016 07:02:21 EST Saying Goodbye... Saying goodbye is permanent, right? It's not the same as "See you later" or "Until we meet again". <BR> <BR> I went to say goodbye to my godfather who passed this week and by doing so, I had to revisit the town where I grew up, where my parents lived, my childhood home now in the hands of others. The town is completely changed except for one small store which of course I went into and was immediately brought back to 50 years ago when life was simple and innocent. The house belongs to others... Sat, 4 Jun 2016 08:03:24 EST My Venting Buddy - A Notebook I have found great value in using a small notebook to vent about things as they are happening. I keep it on my desk at work, but it's small enough to fit in my purse if I'm going to be out of the office. I can yell in it, swear in it, make nasty faced drawings in it and while I'm doing all of that, I am releasing the inner stress of wanting to tell people off but knowing I would be fired and possibly locked up if I expressed myself out loud. <BR> <BR> Several of the men at work talk very lo... Sat, 28 May 2016 06:42:25 EST Benefits of the Gym / Exercise Listing some benefits of this whole going to the gym / working out thing in case my motivation falters along the way: <BR> <BR> 1. Feel good after working out - not just glad that it's over, but sort of a combination of peaceful, accomplished, and for lack of a better word, high. <BR> <BR> 2. Less stressed <BR> <BR> 3. Eating better - don't want to waste a work out by filling up on junk food and undoing all my efforts. <BR> <BR> 4. Less stiffness - less aches and pains overall after the w... Tue, 24 May 2016 05:50:51 EST 3 Things I Never Thought I'd Say 1. I like how I felt after working out! <BR> I didn't like doing the exercises, but I like how it made me feel after the fact. If there was a word for it, it might be Accomplished or Empowered! I don't think it was actually like what I've heard about being a "runner's high" but I really felt good, physically, and in my head too. <BR> <BR> 2. The gym was great! <BR> Saturday morning, 6:30 AM - no one else was there, I had the place to myself. I was able to figure out the machines at my le... Sun, 22 May 2016 08:49:14 EST Physically a Mess It started with the sore throat - now it's congestion and coughing. On top of which, I have severe lower back pain and no clue what I did to trigger that. So the coughing makes the back spasm and I am a mess. Last night I wanted to do so much but I sat propped on the couch as comfortable as I could manage and stuffed my face with not-so-good pity food after a day of poor choices. I need to get to the grocery store - we have no milk, no bananas - but the thought of all that movement is making ... Sun, 15 May 2016 06:41:58 EST At the Gym Met with the personal trainer who went over the exercise plan she set up for me...some of the moves seem simple on the surface but when I tried to do them, I felt like a beached whale and could barely lift myself up - she said I was doing great, I said she was lying, and she said that as long as I get the basic moves down, the flexibility will come eventually as I build up the muscles needed. It was funny - I can hold a 'plank' for about 20 seconds before it starts to burn, yet lying on my st... Wed, 11 May 2016 05:57:04 EST Faced the Fear... ...of my first day going into the gym. I have not met with the trainer yet and so I did not go near those strange looking machines but I've been on a treadmill before so I was okay in my mind to just get on that and walk. There were (gasp!) other people nearby -- one was running on the treadmill, one had her's tilted up at a very steep incline and was briskly 'climbing' it. I looked at the computerized screen and took about 30 seconds just to find the start button! But no one noticed my hesit... Sat, 7 May 2016 06:15:00 EST I Joined the Gym My main motivation is to get my DD off my back...she says it is because she cares about me that she wants me to get fit and healthy and nags me about whatever exercise I 'think' I am doing is simply not enough...I'm not saying she is wrong, but her nagging is driving me nuts. I think she has a deep seated fear of having me become dependent on her for my daily hygiene needs if I become immobile or too fat to do things myself. I fear that too - I don't want someone else bathing me or even touch... Fri, 6 May 2016 05:45:02 EST Another "Make You Think" TV Show I thought I had seen it all...but apparently, you just never know how/when you will see something that will inspire you to rethink things. My father in law was in a car accident last night (I don't have all the details yet, but he will be okay, bruised and sore, car is totalled) and I was staying up waiting word from my husband who'd gone to the hospital... <BR> <BR> So anyway, I'm watching TV, flipping channels and there was this show on, I think it was called "My Half Ton Mom" or something... Tue, 3 May 2016 06:04:22 EST May Goals & Plan to Achieve Them In short, here are my goals, and what follows is my plan of action: <BR> <BR> 1. Simply Filing Technique <BR> 2. Planned Exercise <BR> 3. Tracking <BR> 4. Rewards <BR> <BR> 1. Follow the WW Simply Filling technique...this is where you eat very healthy non-processed foods until you are satisfied (not stuffed) and only track the not-so-great choices. You only have 42 points for the entire week for this type of food, so you really have to be careful of how you choose to use those points. I've... Sun, 1 May 2016 07:15:33 EST Moving Forward Goodbye April...a month of struggles, April has historically been a difficult month for me and this one was no exception. I have a cockeyed theory about why this is true - I was conceived as the result of an illicit affair and my birth mother would have realized in April 1960 that she was pregnant...did this freak her out? Did she consider abortion? Did she decide this early on that she would give me away as soon as I was born? I was not her husband's child and my understanding is that she wa... Sat, 30 Apr 2016 07:00:35 EST My Quilt & Other Stuff I uploaded the quilt top I made on the retreat to my background of my Spark Page if anyone wants to see it. I have to admit, I'm pretty happy with how it turned out. <BR> <BR> The retreat was a total success, despite a few oddball characters (one was simply odd, another was a bit of a *itch) but overall we learned a lot, had fun, expressed our creative selves and signed up for the next one in May 2017. <BR> <BR> I did some people watching during our quilting hours and observed some behavio... Mon, 25 Apr 2016 07:37:39 EST Quilt Retreat this Weekend I am going away for a quilt retreat with a friend - no family, no drama - leaving tomorrow and coming back Sunday afternoon. I am so excited, such a break in routine,being able to sew all weekend without feeling guilty about not doing housework or chores. I have prepared a project to work on, a simple but colorful quilt that I hope to be able to give to my DH for Father's Day (he indulges my love of creativity by letting me buy supplies, building me an area in the basement complete with great... Thu, 21 Apr 2016 05:29:41 EST It's Been a Month... ...since I seem to have let my goals and plans fall to the wayside. A month of depressing blogs about not being motivated, having too much stress, one excuse after another... <BR> <BR> Every day I tell myself "Today I start over!" and "I can do this!"....and by dinner time I've had one too many 'treats" and my nighttime eating is then all downhill and I go to bed disappointed yet again. <BR> <BR> I was so motivated when I joined WW and had that goal of losing 10 lbs in two months and then I... Tue, 19 Apr 2016 05:42:25 EST Walking Plan I had a rough week in part due to a funeral for my brother-in-law's father who had become like another grandfather to my kids...I'm hoping to get my act back together today with a renewed commitment to stay active based on his premise that a body in motion stays in motion (like that commercial). He was 84 and passed due to life long indulgence of too much alcohol (not alcoholic but it messed up his liver). Other than that he was healthy and vibrant, running or golfing, snorkling, fishing, al... Sun, 17 Apr 2016 07:13:42 EST Re-read a Few Blogs I went back to the beginning of the year and re-read a few of my blogs to help re-motivate myself...I've been doing okay but could be doing better, especially in terms of tracking my food. I always seem to let that slip and thus lose the true accountability of exactly what I am eating. I sort of track it in my head but that is not good enough. The scale is steady, going down a bit, but not in the sense that I feel I 'earned' it. Back in the beginning I was tracking faithfully and it really, t... Thu, 14 Apr 2016 05:48:24 EST WW Meeting - Discussed Support - Thank you ALL Our meeting topic was about support today and of course, I mentioned the wonderful community of friends here on Spark People that keep me going every day, that share my ups and downs (both on the scale and in life), and how this truly is where I get the most encouraging feedback one could hope for. I honestly cannot figure out how to make friends or communicate with members on the WW site - it's great for tracking the points but that's about it, in my opinion. Here, on Spark, is where I have ... Sat, 9 Apr 2016 11:15:44 EST Not Sure How to Cope with This Stress When someone repeatedly asks you "What's wrong?" and you tell them "Nothing" but they will not let it go, why do they continue to harass you until you finally DO get angry and now there really is something wrong (you feel attacked, not believed, frustrated) and then the person has the audacity to state: "See? I knew you were mad!" <BR> <BR> Seriously - I kid you not - this has been my life for the past two weeks...apparently I have a "tone" in everything I say, I roll my eyes, I breathe like... Fri, 8 Apr 2016 05:57:01 EST I Need to Get Back in Control Seem to have hit bottom yet again, can come up with several reasons (excuses) why but ultimately, the thing is, I have only myself to blame. I did not make wise choices, I ate for reasons other than true physical hunger, and I somehow convinced myself that this was okay. <BR> <BR> It is NOT okay! <BR> <BR> I am the captain of my own ship and I hereby am turning the wheel 180 degrees to get back on course and head for my ultimate destination: good health and a flexible, fit body. <BR> <BR>... Wed, 6 Apr 2016 05:47:58 EST Back to Work Today I wish my vacation had gone differently, that I didn't argue so much with my DD (I think the pain meds and anesthesia screwed up her personality for days), that I had a few more days to goof off and get minor chores done around here...but it's back to work today, and honestly, I think it will be good for me to get back into the routine of it. I think I really need the structure of bringing certain foods with me for breakfast, lunch and snacks - having the kitchen available all day is too much... Mon, 4 Apr 2016 05:34:20 EST A Better Day Yesterday there was not much relief in terms of stress but I do think I handled it better. I managed to get away for a few hours, did some major walking in, of all places, a warehouse store (those places are huge!), and tried to focus on the fact that the cause of most of my stress has just undergone surgery and is not "herself". I did not eat to stuff my feelings down and although my overall food choices could have been healthier, they have been a lot worse lately so at least that's somethin... Fri, 1 Apr 2016 07:35:26 EST Stress Eating Vent What I have learned over the past several days is that stress eating is a real problem for me (big surprise!)....seriously, this week has been one thing after another and my coping mechanism has been to shove everything that is not nailed down into my mouth. <BR> <BR> I start the day really well - healthy breakfast, vitamins, logging in to Spark and reading motivational articles...and then people start to wake up; and they push buttons; and they whine and moan and groan and pick battles; I ... Thu, 31 Mar 2016 08:01:31 EST Survived Easter I survived Easter - and I don't mean just the pastry, I mean some major family drama that was totally unexpected. A major blow up occurred btw two family members - normally I would stress eat about it but I managed to not do that. Nor did I refill my one and only alcohol infused drunk but stuck to plain club soda figuring staying sober might be a good idea. All was resolved within an hour with both parties driving away to calm down then returning to talk things over. Haven't had holiday dram... Mon, 28 Mar 2016 07:24:57 EST The Week Ahead - Preplanning This week will definitely be out of my I need to make a plan for how I am going to get myself back on track after really falling off the wagon this past week. <BR> <BR> First we have Easter, which means some once-a-year out-of-this-world pastries that I refuse to bypass as they are only bought once a year for the big family gathering. I don't need to stuff myself with them, but I would like to savor a few bites of a few different treats. I think I will have a very light breakfa... Sat, 26 Mar 2016 07:04:02 EST A Vent - Without Details - I think... I was going to write a blog about the stress in my life but you know what? I decided not to - and here's why: when I read other blogs about the struggles someone is going through, depending on my own mood that day I sometimes take on their problems and feel them as if they are my own - causing me more stress! I have enough in my own life to deal with and I don't want/need to take on more...this is not to say I don't care about each and every one of my Spark Friends - I do! - but I feel like ... Thu, 24 Mar 2016 05:56:54 EST Owning My Downfall & Moving On I'm not sure exactly when the downhill slope started yesterday, but you've seen those cartoons where a snowball rolls down a hill and becomes enormous? Well that's how bad my eating went out of control yesterday...not sure of the cause, perhaps it was working from home which threw me off plan; perhaps it was my daughter, nitpicking everything I said, asking for advise, and then copping an attitude because she didn't think I was responding to her questions correctly, no matter what I said; it ... Tue, 22 Mar 2016 05:15:51 EST Walking is My Thing I really dislike much as my daughter bugs me to join her, I just cannot stand the atmosphere (even in judgement-free zones), the machines are daunting, the mirrors are humiliating reminders of what I look like from every possible angle, the smell from other people's sweat is disgusting, I cannot help but compare myself to the skinny people (I want to be one) to the people who are heavier than me (if they can do it so can I, but they look like they are on the verge of a heart attack ... Thu, 17 Mar 2016 05:39:17 EST Mixed Feelings - Forgot My Dad Not sure how I feel about this...on March 9th, I had a perfectly ordinary day, nothing about the day made me stop and reflect about anything in particular. Yet that day is the 6th anniversary of my Dad's passing - and I forgot! It never even crossed my mind - and while part of me feels ashamed for not even remembering the day/date at all, there is another part of me that is okay with it, perhaps I have moved on from the grief and have 'let go' of some of the guilt I have struggled with over h... Tue, 15 Mar 2016 05:30:36 EST I Did It!!! When I joined Weight Watchers, they said if I lost 10 lbs in the first two months, they would refund me 2 months payments (or give me two months for free)...well, guess who did it! Exactly 10 lbs total lost in exactly two months! Woo hoo!! <BR> <BR> I seriously think having my eye on the prize so to speak really helped - it was a goal I could envision, it was attainable but I still had to work at it, and it was something I really wanted - not vague or wishful thinking - it was Specific, Meas... Mon, 14 Mar 2016 05:41:12 EST Random Updates, Nothing Special to Read Here The weather here yesterday was, in a word, perfect. 76 degrees, warm sunshine, fresh clean air, an occasional soft breeze....I could take days like that every day of the year and not get bored! Well, maybe an occasional thunderstorm and some snow at Christmas, but otherwise I'll take a repeat of yesterday anytime! <BR> <BR> Sewing machine class tonight - will finally learn how to use the wonderful but terribly under-used machine I bought 5 years ago. Figured I better learn how to use it sinc... Thu, 10 Mar 2016 05:39:40 EST Goal Setting Just an observation - writing down goals really does help you achieve them. On Friday, I wrote down a list of chores I wanted to get done this weekend - I got all but one of those done, but also added a few more - just watching things get crossed off the list was rewarding, I felt like I was making progress and not just letting the precious minutes of a too-short weekend slip by. <BR> <BR> One of my weight loss goals was to lose 10 lbs in 2 months (if I do, WW will give me a free month's mem... Mon, 7 Mar 2016 05:18:43 EST Week1 Assignment 3 - Symbol <img src=""> <BR> <BR> The symbol(s) I chose are combined in the image attached. There is a compass (small ceramic figurine thing from Red Rose tea box) which reminds me to think about where I have come from on this journey and where do I want to go? Which direction? Towards health? Or towards a life where I am not in control? There is also a small bit of a shell, white and purple...the white symbolizes purity (t... Thu, 3 Mar 2016 05:39:40 EST Back in the Saddle After what I thought was a terrible week of eating and not tracking 100%, I still managed to lose 1.4 lbs which brings my total weight loss to 8.2 since joining Weight Watchers. I have lost weight each week. How is this possible? My first two weeks I was highly motivated, this past week I wanted to give up (again) as I found myself grazing and not tracking. <BR> <BR> I did re-motivate myself, however. I was going to do the Simply Filling technique but there are too many things I would strugg... Sun, 28 Feb 2016 06:21:52 EST Switching it Up I logged in to the WW site yesterday and connected to their 24/7 chat where you can have an instant message conversation with one of their leaders. I was feeling down, not motivated, straying from my newly formed good habits...and after chatting with her, came up with a plan to switch up what I'm doing a bit to see if it helps re-spark my motivation. I'm going to switch to their Simply Filling plan which basically is not much tracking and 'eat til satisfied' but only certain very healthy choi... Thu, 25 Feb 2016 05:51:30 EST Where's My Map?? On this weight loss journey, it certainly felt like I made a lot of wrong turns and took a few detours this week - I even ran into a few roadblocks, some of my own making, others thrown up by circumstances beyond my control...where the heck is my map? I've been trying to find my way back to the right path and it seems like I get there for awhile, then bam! My binge monster whispers "Let's take a little break and check out that other trail" - you know the one, the cobblestones are all differen... Fri, 19 Feb 2016 05:31:33 EST Recharging My Motivational Batteries I really want to blame my head cold for this lack of motivation - I feel like ever since I gave in and had that stupid mini binge of white bread I cannot get myself back on track...I'm not doing awful but I'm certainly indulging in ways I shouldn't be and not moving enough. <BR> <BR> It could very well be a timing issue...the 'honeymoon phase' of sticking to the WW plan is fading plus I feel sick so the combination is making my cravings feel stronger than they actually are...and I'm giving i... Wed, 17 Feb 2016 05:06:40 EST Kitty Needs a Name <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Only 6 pounds, very feminine and petite, quiet and laid back -- total opposite of the fat, obnoxious cats we already have! Tue, 16 Feb 2016 06:10:24 EST Mini Binge I was doing so good, really sticking to my plan and eating right - then yesterday happened. I was over hungry by lunch time and had fish and chips - fried fish and french fries!! - oh the horror but it was SO TASTY!...then all was good through dinner, homemade meatball stew, not a calorie buster..and then - it hit! The binge monster knocked and I answered the door! (bangs head on wall repeatedly, why, why why?!)...I fed the beast what he demanded - white bread - four slices! - and that still ... Sun, 14 Feb 2016 05:36:01 EST Seeing (Wearing) Results I took a shot yesterday and tried on a pair of tan pants that have been hanging in my closet for months because they "shrunk in the dryer" (haha)...well, to my surprise, they fit with a bit of room to spare! I rechecked the label - size 16 - not my ideal size but let me just say this: they are not the size 20 I was wearing last month!! <BR> <em>9</em> <BR> To date I've officially lost 6 lbs, maybe one more this week...I don't think 6 lbs would mean 2 pant sizes...maybe it's the walking an... Thu, 11 Feb 2016 05:42:34 EST Update - To My Friends - Thank You I took the advice from one of my Spark friends and deleted recent blogs that included certain "vents" about certain people. I also understand now that unless I accept a friend request, anyone who adds me as their friend can still not see my page. I may also up a second account if and when the need to do so arises. <BR> <BR> Thanks everyone for your advice! <BR> Have a wonderful day! Mon, 8 Feb 2016 05:30:45 EST