SEAGLASS1215's SparkPeople Blog SEAGLASS1215's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Follow Up - Feeling Better - New Plan Thank you all for your support recently - I am 99% sure the chest pain I was having was a very bad case of heartburn - it has happened frequently lately and due to the lack of movement, poor eating throughout the day, etc., I am pretty confident it is not a major cause for concern. I will definitely follow up with my doctor, ask if he thinks I need to be seen or what I should be on the lookout for. <BR> <BR> I guess it was a good wakeup call. I have been reading about the new Atkins diet and... Sun, 28 Aug 2016 19:00:29 EST Bottom - I have Hit It - Scared Yesterday was "I feel like a slug" day, between taking a two hour nap and not getting a lot done around here. Everything hurt, I wasn't eating right, just overall blah...and then, it hit me. This horrible pain in my chest that made breathing hard, moving even harder. I took Tums and it subsided for awhile and then came back. I stayed calm, although my mind was racing as to what the heck was going on. More Tums, more anxiety although I tried to just relax my mind and say it was nothing more ... Sun, 28 Aug 2016 07:20:50 EST Job Update I have decided to remain in my current position, after much soul searching and emails with my current manager, my former manager, colleagues, etc. The current stress is something I am used to, and it was pointed out how my current manager has failed me in certain regards (she apologized and is working to correct this) and if I were to make the change, I would most likely be going from the frying pan into the fire. Currently I point out where the errors lie in Team A's procedures -- if I swit... Wed, 24 Aug 2016 18:13:10 EST Figuring it Out Did you ever feel like there is so much conflicting information out there about how to lose weight successfully that you just want to hide from it all and not listen to any of it? That has been me lately...I feel like I've overdosed on diet books, websites, magazines, even advice from family and friends. From what to eat, when to eat, whether or not to track it, when to move, how much to move, if 60 minutes of sweating is better than 15 minutes of gentle inner turmoil is like a... Sun, 21 Aug 2016 08:01:48 EST So About that "Bold Step"... ...I reached out to my old manager because he is hiring for a position that I would be perfect for. He agreed, he would love to take me on, but cautioned me to think if I would be running away from something or running toward something. I thought about it...yes, running away from the stress I am currently under and running toward a more comfortable role but one that comes with it's own kind of stress. I tweaked the resume and applied. <BR> <BR> Spoke to my current manager...she was not happ... Sat, 20 Aug 2016 05:14:19 EST The Ice Cream Won... ...okay, so I had this was a doozy...I bought three cartons of ice cream, not my all time favorite flavors but then again, is there any ice cream I don't like? I don't think so... <BR> <BR> Anyway, got home and made myself a cone filled/packed/stuffed with butter pecan...that was dinner. Of course, it wasn't as filling as a balanced meal would have been, so I repeated the process a short time later. The mint chocolate chip and the coffee cookie dough are still unopened but I de... Fri, 19 Aug 2016 05:21:27 EST My Week in Review 1. I have not had any meat since a week ago Friday so a good 8 days...I have had some fish, so I guess that means I am eating "pescatarian" which I find acceptable. I don't miss meat at all. No cravings, no seeing a commercial and drooling for a burger...What used to be such a struggle for me in my earlier years just on Fridays during Lent has become very do-able. <BR> <BR> 2. Sugar continues to be a struggle...and I think I may be overdoing the fruit (better that than candy, I know). I ne... Sun, 14 Aug 2016 06:38:15 EST "As the Cubicle Turns" I think the only reason I continue to go to my job each day (besides needing the money and health coverage) is that never ending sense of "What the heck is going to happen next?" a soap opera, the plot just thickens and the characters get crazier and you find yourself tossed about like a toy boat in a current, going from one drama packed encounter to the next. <BR> <BR> The latest episode involves a letter that got sent to the wrong address and the potential "risk" involved...I bla... Tue, 9 Aug 2016 05:08:47 EST Experiment I have started an experiment this week in terms of eating no meat. Yesterday I focused on eating fruits, veggies, nuts, whole grains...and then I did have fish & chips for dinner (in a burger place) with a sinful key lime pie for dessert. However, I made a conscious effort to avoid meat and overall felt pretty good about that. <BR> <BR> I think I will try and cook dinners for the family making the meat separately (using up what is already in the freezer) as a side dish with the main focus b... Sun, 7 Aug 2016 07:23:45 EST Vegetarian Dilemma The struggles of dealing with a daughter who has been eating vegetarian for about 5 months now while living in a house with three grown men who are meat & potatoes guys...and then there is me, the grocery shopper / cook who is torn between feeding the entire family and being sensitive to her beliefs. Add to that I have been called a hypocrite because I cannot bear to see an animal hurt or suffering but will enjoy a ham sandwich and can cook a great roast chicken... <BR> <BR> DD wants to tell... Sat, 6 Aug 2016 06:16:13 EST Talking the Talk... ...but NOT walking the walk - yep, that's me. I can write about sugar and junk food and giving up bad habits; I can give advice to others about what "works" for me; I can promise myself that I will make the necessary changes...and then what really happens? I don't follow through. Oh, I might for a day or so but it doesn't take much to fall right back into the habits I'm struggling to give up. <BR> <BR> Three days ago I was on a "Give Up Junk" train...two days ago I gave in to a large York P... Thu, 4 Aug 2016 05:39:19 EST Binge / Addiction - Part Two - The Salt Factor First of all - thank you Spark Friends for your support! I really appreciate the comments and insights you are so willing to share, it is very helpful! <BR> <BR> So - part two of this addiction/binge thing - I went the entire day yesterday without eating sugary junk. I did have some green tea with Stevia (needed that hint of sweetness as I am not a green tea fan but plan to slowly decrease the sweetener until I can drink it 'straight'). Beyond that I only had fruit sugar but no hard candy, n... Tue, 2 Aug 2016 05:37:21 EST Binge Eating / Addiction to Junk Did you ever have one of those times when everything around you seemed to be pointing towards the same outcome / solution? It seems like lately everything I read, see, talk about has to do with the quality of nutrients in real whole foods versus the addictive preservatives and chemicals in junk "food" (I'm sorry, cheese doodles are not FOOD, but they are JUNK, and yes, I am addicted to them and it's ugly). <BR> <BR> If I was eating right - meaning, I was eating good, wholesome, real food and... Sun, 31 Jul 2016 06:19:22 EST Foot Update So the foot doctor discovered my issue and it will be a quick fix compared to other surgeries in the past. Basically what has happened is my small toe has rotated so that when I walk, I am stepping on what should be the outer edge of the base bone - it has gone under my foot and feels like a hard pebble with each step. He can fix this! And apparently because I have been compensating when I walk to try and not feel the pain, I have compromised the tendons and ligaments which is causing me the... Fri, 22 Jul 2016 05:45:10 EST Self Imposed Tracking Challenge I have probably written a dozen blogs (and made many references to the fact) about how much I dislike food tracking and yet, I know it is a powerful weight loss tool and can really help one stay accountable and successful. So why don't I do it? <BR> <BR> I think I have the keeps a person accountable. It shows them in print, in ink, in a chart exactly what foods they have eaten that day - and if you are going to be honest with it and do it right, you need to mention those handfuls... Tue, 19 Jul 2016 05:47:19 EST Mom & Dad - A Visit from Beyond? <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <BR> Yesterday I saw a rainbow in the clouds - not a regular one with an arch but just the colors shimmering in one cloud...rainbows are a sign for me that my parents are visiting from heaven. But usually there is something a bit "off" about the rainbow, not a typical after the rain arc type. Since it had not rained and the colors were just within the cloud, not around it or going off in an... Sun, 17 Jul 2016 07:19:11 EST Goals / Advantages of Losing Weight My Updated Goal List <BR> <BR> 1. To prove my doctor wrong - that I can do this without weight loss surgery! <BR> 2. To fit into normal size clothing! <BR> 3. To bend down, tie my shoes, and breathe all at the same time! <BR> 4. To not look like a can of poppin' fresh dough when I slump in a chair. <BR> 5. To wear a bra with only one letter in the size. <BR> 6. To remain independent in my old age. <BR> 7. To not be the biggest person in group photos. <BR> 8. To look like the me I hav... Fri, 15 Jul 2016 05:35:53 EST Venting about Work - again! I am so fed up with the stupidity I deal with at work every would think a week's vacation would have changed my outlook (I thought it would) but within one hour of being back, I was ready to explode. I have vented to my boss about certain things and got she is having someone write up up a report about why things are the way they are so I let him know, too. Maybe if she hears it from him? At least he agrees with my perspective. I really used to enjoy my job a few years... Wed, 13 Jul 2016 05:25:43 EST Home What a week...over too soon and yet not soon enough! I did not have the type of refreshing, relaxing, rejuvenating vacation I usually do. I did not return feeling like I am ready or even wanting to change how I eat, just knowing that I have to. A lot of little things happened that I could complain about but I'm choosing not to dwell on them. There were some good moments, too, but mostly I felt pressured to have a good time, pressured to relax as DH spent money that we didn't need to spend, pr... Sun, 10 Jul 2016 07:51:21 EST Foot pain / Vacation winding down Hard to write blog using phone. Been on vacation and all the walking has aggravated my foot. I think I have some pulled tendons or something. Will be glad to get home - leaving tomorrow instead of Sunday so I can put my "walking boot" on and hopefully relieve the pain. Need to get back on a regular eating plan with healthy food too. Fri, 8 Jul 2016 17:02:52 EST Last Blog of the Month This has ben a tumultuous month to say the least, lots of stress within the family, my eating and exercise habits went from pretty darn impressive to what-the-heck-am-I thinking...we leave for vacation tomorrow and I am hoping I can make peace in my relationship with food while I am away from the day to day stress of life, this has become such a burden for me that I really don't want to carry anymore. <BR> <BR> Saw some pictures from the party last week and am mortified by my size...I don't ... Thu, 30 Jun 2016 06:24:05 EST Changing Things - Again - Long Rant So I quit the surprise there, at least I didn't let it drag on for months debating about it. While it wasn't as bad as I thought (except for that blasted music that they have blaring all the time), I really did not like it very much and found myself stressing about going, making the time to get there, and feeling pressure because I had other things that had to get done so I ended up ditching the gym day after day - yet feeling relieved that I didn't have to go. I did learn from the ... Fri, 24 Jun 2016 05:32:25 EST Talk about a Streak! I just got a Spark Award for logging in 350 days in a row...only 15 to go and it will be an entire year I have logged on without missing a day! Now the pressure is on, because at the end of next week we leave on vacation and I will be totally out of my routine. At the very least I can use my phone to log in and spin the wheel but it's harder to write blogs and comments that way...but I am determined to reach that full year of logging in! <BR> <BR> <em>347</em> Wed, 22 Jun 2016 05:27:31 EST Quick Notes to Self If I limit my eating to 6 scheduled times per day, it is much easier to track what I am eating since it's not a grazing/tracking/grazing cycle all day long. <BR> <BR> I survived feeling hungry, knowing my next meal was an hour away. <BR> <BR> Asking myself if a certain food choice will help me or hurt me in reaching my goals has resulted in sometimes making a better choice. With practice, the healthy choice will happen more frequently. <BR> <BR> I last 5 minutes on the elliptical, also did... Mon, 20 Jun 2016 06:00:19 EST Vacation is in Two Weeks I in better physical shape than I was last year at this time? NO <BR> <BR> I weigh any less than last year at this time? NO <BR> <BR> ...can I wear shorts or a bathing suit better than last year? NO <BR> <BR> ...will I miraculously lose 20 lbs in the next two weeks? NO <BR> <BR> ...did ANYTHING change since last year? NO <BR> <BR> I think I vowed after last year's vacation that this year I was going to look, feel, and be better in terms of weight, size, much ... Thu, 16 Jun 2016 06:03:13 EST Confession for the Final Time Yesterday was a no-good, messed-up, eat-everything kind of day which resulted in me leaving work early...not feeling well, and guess why? Overdose on food (dried cranberries in particular) which left me bloated, dull, lethargic, and spacey. Everything hurt and I went to put sneakers on to relieve the foot pain and could not comfortably bend over to put on socks...I looked and felt like a whale trying to bend in half. I also had to spend time sitting on a bar stool style chair and kept sliding... Wed, 15 Jun 2016 05:57:04 EST "The Little Prince" - My Adaptation I have never read this book until just recently, basically because it was mentioned repeatedly in a novel I was reading about being one of the character's favorite books ever. So I finally read it and was a little blown away to say the least by some of the messages in it. In Chapter 12, the little prince meets a tippler...bear with me while I substitute the word "Binger" for "Tippler", change the gender to a woman, and change the drink references to food references: <BR> <BR> "What are you ... Sun, 12 Jun 2016 05:16:35 EST Why I Keep Failing At This I am trying to figure out why I keep going back to old habits, why I find myself at the bottom of an empty cookie jar wondering (yet again) what the heck I was thinking...Possible reasons are listed below. <BR> <BR> 1. is my coping mechanism and has been ever since I quit smoking. Food never caused me any weight problems until I found myself using it for reasons other than hunger. <BR> <BR> 2. Slow Results...I want the weight gone - yesterday! This losing one pound a week thi... Fri, 10 Jun 2016 05:53:47 EST Walking Inspiration - Hate to Admit It Every morning I sit at my computer, having my coffee, logging into Spark and basically waking up. Every morning, I look out my window and see a neighbor walking. Sometimes alone, sometimes with someone else...but every day she is out there between 5:30 AM and 6:00 AM while I sit here, not moving.... <BR> <BR> This woman is irritating in more ways than one. She is the neighborhood gossip monger, the nose-body, the one who bluntly will tell you exactly what she thinks and it's usually never an... Wed, 8 Jun 2016 06:02:44 EST Need to Schedule My Time Better I confess - I have not been to the gym all last week. I know I don't have really good excuses, just a few lame ones that seemed valid at the time. I could have made the time to get to the gym, but my internal dialog was something along the lines of "You hate to sweat, it's going to take too long, you can make it up tomorrow, you've got too much other stuff to do" and my answer to all that was "Okay, I won't go". <BR> <BR> I know I feel better physically and mentally when I exercise - and I... Sun, 5 Jun 2016 07:02:21 EST Saying Goodbye... Saying goodbye is permanent, right? It's not the same as "See you later" or "Until we meet again". <BR> <BR> I went to say goodbye to my godfather who passed this week and by doing so, I had to revisit the town where I grew up, where my parents lived, my childhood home now in the hands of others. The town is completely changed except for one small store which of course I went into and was immediately brought back to 50 years ago when life was simple and innocent. The house belongs to others... Sat, 4 Jun 2016 08:03:24 EST My Venting Buddy - A Notebook I have found great value in using a small notebook to vent about things as they are happening. I keep it on my desk at work, but it's small enough to fit in my purse if I'm going to be out of the office. I can yell in it, swear in it, make nasty faced drawings in it and while I'm doing all of that, I am releasing the inner stress of wanting to tell people off but knowing I would be fired and possibly locked up if I expressed myself out loud. <BR> <BR> Several of the men at work talk very lo... Sat, 28 May 2016 06:42:25 EST Benefits of the Gym / Exercise Listing some benefits of this whole going to the gym / working out thing in case my motivation falters along the way: <BR> <BR> 1. Feel good after working out - not just glad that it's over, but sort of a combination of peaceful, accomplished, and for lack of a better word, high. <BR> <BR> 2. Less stressed <BR> <BR> 3. Eating better - don't want to waste a work out by filling up on junk food and undoing all my efforts. <BR> <BR> 4. Less stiffness - less aches and pains overall after the w... Tue, 24 May 2016 05:50:51 EST 3 Things I Never Thought I'd Say 1. I like how I felt after working out! <BR> I didn't like doing the exercises, but I like how it made me feel after the fact. If there was a word for it, it might be Accomplished or Empowered! I don't think it was actually like what I've heard about being a "runner's high" but I really felt good, physically, and in my head too. <BR> <BR> 2. The gym was great! <BR> Saturday morning, 6:30 AM - no one else was there, I had the place to myself. I was able to figure out the machines at my le... Sun, 22 May 2016 08:49:14 EST Physically a Mess It started with the sore throat - now it's congestion and coughing. On top of which, I have severe lower back pain and no clue what I did to trigger that. So the coughing makes the back spasm and I am a mess. Last night I wanted to do so much but I sat propped on the couch as comfortable as I could manage and stuffed my face with not-so-good pity food after a day of poor choices. I need to get to the grocery store - we have no milk, no bananas - but the thought of all that movement is making ... Sun, 15 May 2016 06:41:58 EST At the Gym Met with the personal trainer who went over the exercise plan she set up for me...some of the moves seem simple on the surface but when I tried to do them, I felt like a beached whale and could barely lift myself up - she said I was doing great, I said she was lying, and she said that as long as I get the basic moves down, the flexibility will come eventually as I build up the muscles needed. It was funny - I can hold a 'plank' for about 20 seconds before it starts to burn, yet lying on my st... Wed, 11 May 2016 05:57:04 EST Faced the Fear... ...of my first day going into the gym. I have not met with the trainer yet and so I did not go near those strange looking machines but I've been on a treadmill before so I was okay in my mind to just get on that and walk. There were (gasp!) other people nearby -- one was running on the treadmill, one had her's tilted up at a very steep incline and was briskly 'climbing' it. I looked at the computerized screen and took about 30 seconds just to find the start button! But no one noticed my hesit... Sat, 7 May 2016 06:15:00 EST I Joined the Gym My main motivation is to get my DD off my back...she says it is because she cares about me that she wants me to get fit and healthy and nags me about whatever exercise I 'think' I am doing is simply not enough...I'm not saying she is wrong, but her nagging is driving me nuts. I think she has a deep seated fear of having me become dependent on her for my daily hygiene needs if I become immobile or too fat to do things myself. I fear that too - I don't want someone else bathing me or even touch... Fri, 6 May 2016 05:45:02 EST Another "Make You Think" TV Show I thought I had seen it all...but apparently, you just never know how/when you will see something that will inspire you to rethink things. My father in law was in a car accident last night (I don't have all the details yet, but he will be okay, bruised and sore, car is totalled) and I was staying up waiting word from my husband who'd gone to the hospital... <BR> <BR> So anyway, I'm watching TV, flipping channels and there was this show on, I think it was called "My Half Ton Mom" or something... Tue, 3 May 2016 06:04:22 EST May Goals & Plan to Achieve Them In short, here are my goals, and what follows is my plan of action: <BR> <BR> 1. Simply Filing Technique <BR> 2. Planned Exercise <BR> 3. Tracking <BR> 4. Rewards <BR> <BR> 1. Follow the WW Simply Filling technique...this is where you eat very healthy non-processed foods until you are satisfied (not stuffed) and only track the not-so-great choices. You only have 42 points for the entire week for this type of food, so you really have to be careful of how you choose to use those points. I've... Sun, 1 May 2016 07:15:33 EST Moving Forward Goodbye April...a month of struggles, April has historically been a difficult month for me and this one was no exception. I have a cockeyed theory about why this is true - I was conceived as the result of an illicit affair and my birth mother would have realized in April 1960 that she was pregnant...did this freak her out? Did she consider abortion? Did she decide this early on that she would give me away as soon as I was born? I was not her husband's child and my understanding is that she wa... Sat, 30 Apr 2016 07:00:35 EST My Quilt & Other Stuff I uploaded the quilt top I made on the retreat to my background of my Spark Page if anyone wants to see it. I have to admit, I'm pretty happy with how it turned out. <BR> <BR> The retreat was a total success, despite a few oddball characters (one was simply odd, another was a bit of a *itch) but overall we learned a lot, had fun, expressed our creative selves and signed up for the next one in May 2017. <BR> <BR> I did some people watching during our quilting hours and observed some behavio... Mon, 25 Apr 2016 07:37:39 EST Quilt Retreat this Weekend I am going away for a quilt retreat with a friend - no family, no drama - leaving tomorrow and coming back Sunday afternoon. I am so excited, such a break in routine,being able to sew all weekend without feeling guilty about not doing housework or chores. I have prepared a project to work on, a simple but colorful quilt that I hope to be able to give to my DH for Father's Day (he indulges my love of creativity by letting me buy supplies, building me an area in the basement complete with great... Thu, 21 Apr 2016 05:29:41 EST It's Been a Month... ...since I seem to have let my goals and plans fall to the wayside. A month of depressing blogs about not being motivated, having too much stress, one excuse after another... <BR> <BR> Every day I tell myself "Today I start over!" and "I can do this!"....and by dinner time I've had one too many 'treats" and my nighttime eating is then all downhill and I go to bed disappointed yet again. <BR> <BR> I was so motivated when I joined WW and had that goal of losing 10 lbs in two months and then I... Tue, 19 Apr 2016 05:42:25 EST Walking Plan I had a rough week in part due to a funeral for my brother-in-law's father who had become like another grandfather to my kids...I'm hoping to get my act back together today with a renewed commitment to stay active based on his premise that a body in motion stays in motion (like that commercial). He was 84 and passed due to life long indulgence of too much alcohol (not alcoholic but it messed up his liver). Other than that he was healthy and vibrant, running or golfing, snorkling, fishing, al... Sun, 17 Apr 2016 07:13:42 EST Re-read a Few Blogs I went back to the beginning of the year and re-read a few of my blogs to help re-motivate myself...I've been doing okay but could be doing better, especially in terms of tracking my food. I always seem to let that slip and thus lose the true accountability of exactly what I am eating. I sort of track it in my head but that is not good enough. The scale is steady, going down a bit, but not in the sense that I feel I 'earned' it. Back in the beginning I was tracking faithfully and it really, t... Thu, 14 Apr 2016 05:48:24 EST WW Meeting - Discussed Support - Thank you ALL Our meeting topic was about support today and of course, I mentioned the wonderful community of friends here on Spark People that keep me going every day, that share my ups and downs (both on the scale and in life), and how this truly is where I get the most encouraging feedback one could hope for. I honestly cannot figure out how to make friends or communicate with members on the WW site - it's great for tracking the points but that's about it, in my opinion. Here, on Spark, is where I have ... Sat, 9 Apr 2016 11:15:44 EST Not Sure How to Cope with This Stress When someone repeatedly asks you "What's wrong?" and you tell them "Nothing" but they will not let it go, why do they continue to harass you until you finally DO get angry and now there really is something wrong (you feel attacked, not believed, frustrated) and then the person has the audacity to state: "See? I knew you were mad!" <BR> <BR> Seriously - I kid you not - this has been my life for the past two weeks...apparently I have a "tone" in everything I say, I roll my eyes, I breathe like... Fri, 8 Apr 2016 05:57:01 EST I Need to Get Back in Control Seem to have hit bottom yet again, can come up with several reasons (excuses) why but ultimately, the thing is, I have only myself to blame. I did not make wise choices, I ate for reasons other than true physical hunger, and I somehow convinced myself that this was okay. <BR> <BR> It is NOT okay! <BR> <BR> I am the captain of my own ship and I hereby am turning the wheel 180 degrees to get back on course and head for my ultimate destination: good health and a flexible, fit body. <BR> <BR>... Wed, 6 Apr 2016 05:47:58 EST Back to Work Today I wish my vacation had gone differently, that I didn't argue so much with my DD (I think the pain meds and anesthesia screwed up her personality for days), that I had a few more days to goof off and get minor chores done around here...but it's back to work today, and honestly, I think it will be good for me to get back into the routine of it. I think I really need the structure of bringing certain foods with me for breakfast, lunch and snacks - having the kitchen available all day is too much... Mon, 4 Apr 2016 05:34:20 EST