SEAGLASS1215's SparkPeople Blog SEAGLASS1215's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Attitude Changes Everything As many of you know, I have become disgruntled in my new job role (okay, I hate it most of the time) but when I was home the other day I updated my resume and went online and filled out an application for a new job...but....I didn't hit the "submit" button. I walked away from the computer and had a good long think about things. Here's what I came up with: <BR> <BR> PROS of LEAVING: <BR> <BR> I would be back to doing my old type of job which I really liked most of the time. <BR> <BR> CONS: ... Sat, 6 Feb 2016 06:33:59 EST Down 4.6 Pounds in a Week! Okay, I realize the first week is going to be higher than the weeks to come, some of it may be water-weight, etc...but dang! - I am celebrating! I've made some significant changes to my eating habits this week, changes I didn't think were possible or, I should say, do-able for me because I can be such a rebel sometimes and like to tweak the rules. <BR> <BR> I've increased my veggies without increasing my fruit - because I already eat a good amount of fruit, I didn't want to overload on the ... Sun, 31 Jan 2016 06:51:57 EST Ups and Downs This Week The Ups: <BR> <BR> - my food i choices are including more vegetables and protein <BR> - DD is weaning off medications better than expected <BR> - got new sneakers so walking won't hurt so much <BR> - hubby & I celebrated the anniversary of our very first date 36 years ago! <BR> - I rejoined Weight Watchers and have been following the program all week <BR> - met my Spark Goal of 3000 points for the month <BR> <BR> The Downs: <BR> <BR> - the number on my scale!!! <BR> - the amount of... Thu, 28 Jan 2016 05:29:50 EST Why WLS Scares Me / What I'm Doing Instead My doctor recommended WLS and I have had it in the back of my mind while trying to stick to tried and true methods of losing the weight myself...and I gave those efforts 100% for a few days then gradually slacked off somewhat...which is part of what scares me if I was ever to do WLS -- I don't think I could make such drastic lifestyle / eating changes, even if only temporary -- I am almost certain I would try to 'cheat' and either ruin the surgery or cause significant damage to my insides. <B... Thu, 21 Jan 2016 06:03:55 EST An Observation Yesterday I started the day high protein, extremely low carb and felt pretty good...was getting hungry while shopping and had a sample of a pierogi which was high in carbs but it was small, did not affect me much, then had a high protein snack. Got home and my day turned around from my original plan (went to the movies where I didn't eat a thing! Amazing, I didn't think one could sit in a theater without a tub of popcorn and candy and soda!)...anyway, prior to the movie I had a large helping... Mon, 18 Jan 2016 06:54:01 EST Atkins - "New" 40 Plan? I was reading a magazine that talked about the "New" Atkins plan where you are allowed 40 grams of net carbs per day as opposed to the original plan which allowed for 20. I'm debating whether to try this...I've been very good a bout tracking my food here on Spark lately and seem to always be extremely high in carbs, lower in protein, and I would like to reverse these two...apparently fruit is heavy in carbs, and I tend to go for the higher carb stuff more often...I have noticed when I eat a h... Sun, 17 Jan 2016 06:33:04 EST Three Day Weekend Plans 1. Clean the house - I'm stuck inside this morning due to an icy mix making the roads a mess so I want to declutter and dust (!) - it needs to be done badly! <BR> <BR> 2. Read up more on the Essential Oils kit I bought - figure out how to use them, when and why to use them, and actually start using them!! <BR> <BR> 3. Alternate working on my crochet project (rainbow afghan in jewel tones) and cross-stitch project while binge watching the football playoff games - Go Patriots! <BR> <BR> 4. W... Sat, 16 Jan 2016 07:46:07 EST Reality Check from the Doctor So I saw my doctor regarding my aches and pains and weight loss complaints and he suggested that I might be a good candidate for weight loss surgery...wait, WHAT?!? Me?? I never considered this an option, never looked into it, I've had co-workers do it, and I've seen deaths result from it (keep in mind I read death certificates all day as part of my job) as a solution?? what the heck?!? I know it works for many people and kudos to them for sticking to the rigid lifestyle changes th... Sat, 9 Jan 2016 19:39:33 EST **ANGRY**!! Having patience with my daughter is probably the toughest thing I have had to go through in a very long time. Everything I say or do sets her off, she misinterprets, blows out of proportion...we go around and around and get nowhere. Both of us are frustrated and angry - if I dare say how I really feel or what I really think I will lose the connection I have with her so I have to phrase everything delicately and explain everything so she understands what I am NOT saying....hard to explain here... Thu, 7 Jan 2016 06:16:26 EST Fauxbonichi OK - what the heck is that, you may ask? It's a journaling technique inspired by a Japanese thing called Hobonichi (which I think involves a special journal which is more expensive)...I saw it on Pinterest and decided it was something I simply HAD to try, it looked so much like something I would do being the creative, writing, artistic calendar-loving person that I am and so far (two days now) I am really loving it. Basically it is a journal that is kept up on a daily basis (I'm using a graph... Sun, 3 Jan 2016 05:32:44 EST Food Plan Time to commit to a food plan as I said I would...I've done my research, weighed the options, compared various things, and have hopefully combined the best tips and advice into something I can manage with consistency (not perfection, but consistency -- perfection, when not reached, leads to disappointment and binges, this I Know from experience). Some of these ideas I may have borrowed from my Spark Friends so here's a shout out of Thanks to you for that! <BR> <BR> 1. Schedule 6 eating times... Fri, 1 Jan 2016 08:56:30 EST Before I Sign the Dotted Line... ...let's re-think this gym idea... <BR> <BR> FACT: yes, it is only $15 a month so even if I don't go, it is not going to break the bank. However, if I don't go, I will feel guilty about not going and when I feel guilt, I usually want food to feel better. <BR> <BR> FACT: I dislike's not the exercise so much as the intimidation I feel - why are trainers watching me? Why are other people there looking at me? Even if they are not, I feel like they are. I spend more time wiping germs a... Fri, 1 Jan 2016 08:37:51 EST Tracking and Learning Been tracking my food at work (and the situations where I am hungry, eating out of boredom, fighting cravings, etc) and, if nothing else, it is making me aware of my feelings...for example, instead of just mindlessly reaching for a candy bar, I see that I am craving one because I am annoyed with my co-worker who is making noise by crumpling a bag of chips...I don't want the chips (or the candy bar, really), I just want the noise to stop and I'm annoyed by it. So that particular craving got st... Tue, 29 Dec 2015 05:39:34 EST Emotional Eating - The Past Revisited I was commenting on one of my friend's blogs and it brought to mind the past - dealing with the loss of my parents 5 years ago. I went through a very rough period of traveling back and forth to care for them and be their advocate while they were in a nursing home (he with dementia, she with a stroke) and as an only child trying to care for my own children and working full time while living 1.5 hours away from my parents - well, to say it was a stressful time is putting it mildly. But I hated... Sun, 27 Dec 2015 06:41:12 EST No More Excuses - My Plan is Taking Shape So here is my basic plan, which I started today: <BR> <BR> Week 1 - avoid processed, sugary food; Pre-pack breakfasts and snacks on Sunday for the week ahead: oatmeal, nuts, fruit, yogurt; soup and salad with chicken or shrimp for lunch; rearrange desk drawers at work to accommodate gym stuff; shop for and buy some decent looking work out clothes <BR> <BR> Week 2 - join gym at work and start using it in the morning; keep a calendar to track work outs and give myself stickers for each day I ... Sat, 26 Dec 2015 20:41:42 EST My DH's Gift - A Letter from Me I'm putting this into a card for my husband this year: <BR> <BR> I wasn’t quite sure how to “wrap” this gift…I can’t express myself talking as well as I can writing, so consider this my special gift to you this Christmas. <BR> <BR> I’m not sure where I went wrong these past several years in terms of taking care of me…somehow I’ve let food become my drug of choice in dealing with stress and I have been miserable. Sure, I’ve made some half hearted attempts but something – not sure what, perha... Thu, 24 Dec 2015 10:27:43 EST This Gym thing could work... Thought some more about the gym thing... <BR> <BR> I am up early if i get to work by 6:00, work out and shower, I can still be at my desk by 7:30 for breakfast, start working at 8:00. <BR> <BR> I'll keep work shoes, make up, shower stuff in my desk - extra underwear, a nice top, and socks, too, in case I forget to pack something... <BR> <BR> Go dressed in gym stuff so I'm ready to work out, carry work clothes with me... <BR> <BR> Pre-pack breakfasts and snacks for the week and... Fri, 18 Dec 2015 19:45:18 EST Gym Opportunity - Should I Join? Gym membership at work is going to be only $15 a month starting in January and they will provide lots of individual planning and support in terms of setting goals, creating an exercise plan that is geared to my abilities and level of fitness, nutritional guidance, why am I not jumping for joy? Besides the fact that if I jump I will most likely injure myself, I dislike the gym. I am self conscious around younger, fitter, athletic types...I am intimidated by some of the machines and h... Fri, 18 Dec 2015 05:58:57 EST What I learned these last 10 days... I didn't stick to my mini goal of tracking for 10 days before my really got in the way with my daughter's health, some family stress and confrontation, issues at work...I know these sound like excuses when written down, but when you are dealing with things in the course of the day, they can seem overwhelming and the last thing I think about then is writing down the lunch details of my day. <BR> <BR> That being said, I did manage to pre-pack most of my meals and snacks...I fou... Wed, 16 Dec 2015 05:46:16 EST Fibromyalgia? Anyone have Advice? My daughter has been in moderate to severe pain since early September...we thought this was a reaction to discontinuing Cymbalta. Now the doctor think the Cymbalta was masking her symptoms as her blood work has come back negative for other causes. She does not want to go back on Cymbalta (interfered with sleep, she is no longer 'depressed' which is why she went on it) unless she has no other options....OTC medications do not touch the pain. At 18, this diagnosis is hard to deal with, but it i... Fri, 11 Dec 2015 05:59:40 EST Eating Psychology Coach Okay, this may seem a bit new-age, but at a fair yesterday I met a woman who is a certified Eating Psychology Coach. We chatted for some time and I may set up a free consultation with her. She is also an ordained interfaith minister, spiritual mentor, SoulCollage facilitator, Reiki can't hurt to give it a try, can it? She referenced a book called the Slow Down Diet by Mark David which I want to take a look at before committing to this idea. I am very tempted to see where this may... Sun, 6 Dec 2015 06:47:02 EST Tracked Yesterday... ...and it wasn't pretty, that's for sure. Chinese food is delicious but so very high in sodium and calories! As if that wasn't bad enough, my stomach was pleasantly full but my mouth wanted more so I had a bit more and ate to the point of being truly uncomfortable (I think because I was out and about most of the day and had not had consistent steady blood sugar so I was 'starving' by dinner time). <BR> <BR> But I kept my promise to myself, I tracked my food...and it wasn't that the tracking... Sun, 6 Dec 2015 06:37:38 EST 10 Days - Mini Goal Set Today is 10 days before my birthday - I will be 55. <BR> I was cleaning a drawer and found my old weigh in record from the last four years I have gained 20 lbs...gained! obviously whatever plans and attempts I have made have not worked. Or, to be more honest here, I have not worked hard enough. <BR> <BR> I am setting a mini goal for myself right now. For the next 10 days I am going to track my food...the good, the bad, the ugly. I am not going to do anything resembling a 'diet'... Sat, 5 Dec 2015 10:21:02 EST What I Don't Want to have Happen to Me Yesterday I was watching the TV show "My 600 Pound Life" which I have blogged about before. The woman on the show needed her daughters to bathe her, bring her things as she couldn't move on her own, take care of her personal hygiene in ways I am too embarrassed to mention - she felt her only option was surgery and then she was close to death after a 13 hour car ride to meet with the bariatric surgeon. She pulled through that crisis but refused to do anything to help herself afterwards - we're... Thu, 3 Dec 2015 16:09:39 EST My Son's GF - an Observation While I don't dislike my son's GF, I am put off by her a bit...and I realized that the traits she has that bother me are ones that I have and was not even really aware of. For example, at the Thanksgiving Day pre-meal family football game, she sat on the sidelines not participating at all. I found this disturbing, why not get in there and have fun? Then I realized - I would be the one not playing, I didn't really like to join in group things, watching was fine with me, I didn't feel left out,... Wed, 2 Dec 2015 06:46:46 EST On Christmas Decorating.... Decluttering and dusting...housework is a good workout while wearing an air cast on my foot, which is taking the pressure off my heel but making me exhausted as it is awkward to walk in, especially doing stairs! <BR> <BR> I finally figured out Pinterest and got some good ideas there - going for a minimalist, nature inspired theme with greenery, pinecones, cranberries, some candles...I refuse to pull out the tacky, ugly, unloved decorations that we have accumulated through the years - they de... Sat, 28 Nov 2015 06:18:27 EST Yesterday I remembered my Mom My mom passed away 5 years ago yesterday...I thought about putting a remembrance thing on FaceBook but didn't want to have everyone "liking" it...I thought about her on and off all day, sometimes letting a few tears fall, asking her (as I always do) for a sign (for 5 years it's been a rainbow) that she was still nearby... <BR> <BR> Well, I think I did get my sign - Judy Garland singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" as The Wizard of Oz came on TV at 8:00 last husband was in charge ... Mon, 23 Nov 2015 05:28:34 EST Coming Up with a Plan Weighing the pros and cons of trying Weight Watchers again...supposedly they are changing things up in the next few weeks (they always do around this time of year) but the real reason I am considering it again is that whenever I try to do things on my own, I become my own worst enemy and can't stick to it for long, or I make up rules along the way to justify a few extra helpings of nuts, or I get so confused by all the diet and healthy eating advice out there that I give up completely and dro... Sat, 21 Nov 2015 16:11:45 EST Personal Stress Issues Maybe if I just list everything that is stressing me out, I can move on and deal with it. <BR> <BR> 1. Foot pain - not fixed, calling the doctor again to tell him the shot is not working and it feels worse than before. <BR> <BR> 2. Daughter has not been in school for a month - thought this was due to coming off Cymbalta, now appears something else may be going on - possibly Lyme? - She is in constant pain with weakness, brain fog...neurologist thinks she needs nerve conduction test, I think... Thu, 19 Nov 2015 05:44:02 EST Foot Update As of this morning, foot was fixed thanks to a cortisone shot because according to the dr., I pinched a nerve during the flight to Albuquerque, wearing shoes and foot swelled which compressed the the shot worked, I was good, then by this afternoon the pain returned. Hoping the cortisone will fix this or I'll be quite mad! I was feeling so good for 24 hours! Tue, 17 Nov 2015 18:37:25 EST New Job @#$%%^$&^ The new position I am in at work is a brand new position in that I am the only one full time in the US doing it (I have a backup but he is not doing it all day long) and my counterparts are off shore so not only is there is time difference but a language barrier as well. The difficulty is that I have to QC the processes that are being done and also the procedures that are being followed - without having a procedure of my own to follow! Plus, several of the things I need to either pass or fail... Sat, 14 Nov 2015 07:15:21 EST Update on the Whole30 Thing My daughter has taken this healthy food idea and is running with it, almost to the point of being obsessed. I have taken a more toned down approach, allowing for Greek yogurt, very limited pasta, a bit of bread but far, far less than what I used to eat. The only junk I have had in the past few days was a small bit of homemade fudge from a co-worker (very sweet, tasty, but I limited myself to small bit and stopped - a miracle!) and a few pieces of hard candy to calm me down when the stress got... Wed, 11 Nov 2015 06:14:44 EST First Day I did really well yesterday at a family event - no cheese or crackers, no chips or chocolate or cake (we left as dessert was coming out so we were less tempted) and I had a reasonable portion of the meal (too much cheese and pasta in all the offerings but very little clean eating offerings - just salad drenched in dressing). Also avoided alcohol and stayed away from the appetizer table after selecting a few shrimp cocktails and some raw veggies. <BR> <BR> Today now that I have more time, I ... Sun, 8 Nov 2015 08:16:51 EST Whole30 - Daughter Trying It / Me too?? My daughter has been going through what can only be described as hell, having severe withdrawal symptoms from coming off Cymbalta. She is currently on two other prescription medications and want to get off of those as well, she is fed up with what these drugs are doing to her physically even though they have helped her become emotionally stable. I have read that the Whole30 program is not a diet to lose weight so much as it is a way of eating to get healthy again, to find out if certain foods... Fri, 6 Nov 2015 21:05:40 EST I've Been Inspired by Others I have been reading some great blogs recently here on Spark and they are giving me lots of 'food for thought' about my own life and how I can work to change things up. Sometimes I think we (the people) have more insight and answers than all the articles written by professionals. I can relate to other people who are going through similar struggles and I can learn from them, try their ideas, offer some support if I can, engage in conversation rather than just being told what to do by someone wi... Wed, 4 Nov 2015 05:47:58 EST Fell Down Again These dogs are going to be the death of me - tangling my legs up in the leashes leading me to fall face down in my own driveway. I am terrified of the ice and snow coming this winter, I just cannot take them at the same time anymore. I wasn't badly hurt but I am sore all over, knees and elbows took it hardest, but also I was clutching the leash in such a way that the hard plastic poop-bag dispenser got crushed into my ribs. I had a hard time breathing afterwards, I think the wind got knocked ... Sat, 31 Oct 2015 20:53:17 EST Not Tracking - And Doing Better For some reason, the less I track my progress, the better I do - it's like if I don't call attention to it, I can keep doing it but once I start writing about it, my motivation to keep going stalls. <BR> <BR> I was pumped to write about my new plan but I'm hesitating for fear of ruining my streak. I guess I am tracking in my head, and maybe I'll use a notebook but for me, I find when I start to list my progress, it's like I've 'gotten it out' so there is no need to keep doing it. And this ma... Wed, 28 Oct 2015 05:32:28 EST Harsh Reality Check My daughter decided to 'confront' me last night about going to the gym with her. I had already put my clothes for today in the car and pre-packed my lunch so I can head to the pool before work (part of my getting back on track plan) and she starts acting like a tough love personal trainer about how she is worried about me and I can't make excuses and I can't 'try' to do better but have to actually practice doing better...she would not stop hounding me no matter how much I calmly tried to expl... Mon, 26 Oct 2015 04:53:50 EST Follow up to Re-reading my old blogs Thank you all for your comments on the previous blog. I don't quite feel a visit to the doctor is needed right now - perhaps I was wording things wrong. I feel very out of breath frequently and I know it has to do with my weight. I am what the books would call morbidly obese though I don't feel my size is so far out of control that it cannot be changed for the better. Having to exert myself through the airport and then to a meeting at work put my normally out-of-breath feelings over the top -... Sun, 25 Oct 2015 11:54:27 EST Re-reading my old blogs... ...same old story over and over and over again - my life via my blogs is a circle of motivation, small success, stress, falling off the wagon, having a binge, venting, finding motivation and then the cycle continues. <BR> <BR> I need to get off this ride - going in circles is not working for me. <BR> <BR> I've hit bottom (yet again) and this time, I am extremely concerned for health reasons. I was so out of breath several times this week I thought I was having a heart attack. My ankles wer... Sat, 24 Oct 2015 07:38:04 EST Brief Blog - Need to Catch the Plane I am traveling again this week - last time I vowed to change my habits while away and ended up going downhill and reverting to my old ways as soon as the plane took off! This week I'm not making myself any promises I can't keep - so maybe I'll do better. The weather will be cooler, maybe some more walking can be accomplished, hopefully I can control my food choices better than last time. <BR> <BR> Can't promise much posting while I'm away but wishing you all a great week ahead! Sun, 18 Oct 2015 05:45:43 EST To All My SparkFriends - Thank you! Your support on my last blog really helped, I can't thank you all enough! Knowing I am not alone in this battle is so encouraging, because I feel as though if others can do this, then maybe I can too. Sometimes it is so hard, when you are binge eating and wondering why yet you can't stop and it starts to feel like you are the only person in the world with no self control...when I am not in binge-mode, I actually feel rather positive and hopeful about everything; once the binge starts, I see a... Thu, 15 Oct 2015 05:20:43 EST I need help - hit bottom I was home the past 5 days with the intent to do a little shaping up of my bad habits...that didn't happen. In fact, I spent today in super-binge mode...almost like I was trying to make myself sick so I wouldn't have to go back to work tomorrow. I ate more crap today than I have in a month - ice cream bars, buttered popcorn, monkey bread, oyster crackers...large quantities, non-stop, feeling bloated now and miserable, just wanting to sleep and it's only 6:30 PM. Wasted a beautiful day staying... Tue, 13 Oct 2015 18:38:43 EST Pick Your Battles My DD got a tattoo yesterday on her 18th birthday because I told her she had to wait until she was 18 so she did exactly that. It's on her ribcage, of all places, she is happy with it, I am not a fan but that's me, my opinion, which I am entitled to! For some reason, if my opinion is not in agreement with hers, I am made to feel like I am wrong. That same attitude happens a lot around here, not just with her (but mostly her), and I'm tired of feeling like I am not allowed to think for myself... Wed, 7 Oct 2015 04:51:42 EST Food, Stress, and Feeling Good! Came to the realization that the less focused I am on food and calories and nutrients, the less binge eating I do and the better I feel overall in terms of stress, anxiety, depression over my weight. If I take a walk on my break at work, it's because I want to enjoy the fresh air and clear my head, not because I am trying to 'exercise'...and again, my reasons are shifting my thinking away from being stressed about how much activity I am doing to how much am I enjoying this beautiful fall weat... Sat, 3 Oct 2015 06:31:21 EST Venting about a FB Re-Post i reposted something on FB that supposedly was a quote from the Pope (I am Catholic but have not been to church in a long time) and of course, my holy roller cousin has to quickly point out that this quote was in fact, not from the Pope at all. (My extended family is up for saint-hood by the way, out-blessing and out-praising and out-amen shouting each other). <BR> <BR> I never post anything to do with religion (I feel that's everyone's personal business). This quote was rather secular in na... Mon, 28 Sep 2015 05:14:42 EST As a follow up... yesterday's blog - I am not going to jump through nutritional hoops of knowledge in my weight loss efforts - no more buying magazines based on the false promises on the covers about weight loss success if I take a certain vitamin that I can only order online or making concoctions of certain oils mixed with yogurt and seeds that make me almost 55 years old, I have to stop trying to turn my body into the thing of beauty I had in my 20's and start treating it like the precious mac... Sun, 27 Sep 2015 08:45:49 EST Traveling Again / Thoughts on Eating So they want to send me back to New Mexico in a little less than a month from now...third time in one year and I never imagined traveling for work, I started so low on the corporate ladder and I don't think I've gone up by more than rung in 10 years...oh well, I am looking forward to it, the weather will be cooler than it was in July and my new boss will be there as well so it should be fun. The people out there are so nice also - really excited to be going back for another week! <BR> <BR> I... Sat, 26 Sep 2015 06:08:47 EST Motivating Goal / Reward I am signing up to go on a quilting retreat in April. I would like to be in much better shape by the time this trip comes around so I am using it as both motivator and reward. In order to afford the trip, I am planning to pay myself a small bit of money for each day I stick to my eating and exercise goals. The small bit won't feel like it's draining the bank and yet, when the trip rolls around, I will have saved the money to pay for it and gotten into better shape along the way. <BR> <BR> Da... Mon, 21 Sep 2015 05:25:06 EST Need for Structure / Routine This past week I was on vacation with no set plans...and I pretty much fell off my good intention wagon and gave in to some binge eating, junk food, and sloth-like attitude with regards to exercise. It seems the less busy I actually was, the less motivated I was to do anything. Monday is back to work and I would like to set myself up for success once I am back in my normal daily routine - prepare healthy meals and snacks ahead of time to bring to the office, make the time to walk during break... Sat, 12 Sep 2015 07:00:41 EST