SEAGLASS1215's SparkPeople Blog SEAGLASS1215's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community I Joined the Gym My main motivation is to get my DD off my back...she says it is because she cares about me that she wants me to get fit and healthy and nags me about whatever exercise I 'think' I am doing is simply not enough...I'm not saying she is wrong, but her nagging is driving me nuts. I think she has a deep seated fear of having me become dependent on her for my daily hygiene needs if I become immobile or too fat to do things myself. I fear that too - I don't want someone else bathing me or even touch... Fri, 6 May 2016 05:45:02 EST Another "Make You Think" TV Show I thought I had seen it all...but apparently, you just never know how/when you will see something that will inspire you to rethink things. My father in law was in a car accident last night (I don't have all the details yet, but he will be okay, bruised and sore, car is totalled) and I was staying up waiting word from my husband who'd gone to the hospital... <BR> <BR> So anyway, I'm watching TV, flipping channels and there was this show on, I think it was called "My Half Ton Mom" or something... Tue, 3 May 2016 06:04:22 EST May Goals & Plan to Achieve Them In short, here are my goals, and what follows is my plan of action: <BR> <BR> 1. Simply Filing Technique <BR> 2. Planned Exercise <BR> 3. Tracking <BR> 4. Rewards <BR> <BR> 1. Follow the WW Simply Filling technique...this is where you eat very healthy non-processed foods until you are satisfied (not stuffed) and only track the not-so-great choices. You only have 42 points for the entire week for this type of food, so you really have to be careful of how you choose to use those points. I've... Sun, 1 May 2016 07:15:33 EST Moving Forward Goodbye April...a month of struggles, April has historically been a difficult month for me and this one was no exception. I have a cockeyed theory about why this is true - I was conceived as the result of an illicit affair and my birth mother would have realized in April 1960 that she was pregnant...did this freak her out? Did she consider abortion? Did she decide this early on that she would give me away as soon as I was born? I was not her husband's child and my understanding is that she wa... Sat, 30 Apr 2016 07:00:35 EST My Quilt & Other Stuff I uploaded the quilt top I made on the retreat to my background of my Spark Page if anyone wants to see it. I have to admit, I'm pretty happy with how it turned out. <BR> <BR> The retreat was a total success, despite a few oddball characters (one was simply odd, another was a bit of a *itch) but overall we learned a lot, had fun, expressed our creative selves and signed up for the next one in May 2017. <BR> <BR> I did some people watching during our quilting hours and observed some behavio... Mon, 25 Apr 2016 07:37:39 EST Quilt Retreat this Weekend I am going away for a quilt retreat with a friend - no family, no drama - leaving tomorrow and coming back Sunday afternoon. I am so excited, such a break in routine,being able to sew all weekend without feeling guilty about not doing housework or chores. I have prepared a project to work on, a simple but colorful quilt that I hope to be able to give to my DH for Father's Day (he indulges my love of creativity by letting me buy supplies, building me an area in the basement complete with great... Thu, 21 Apr 2016 05:29:41 EST It's Been a Month... ...since I seem to have let my goals and plans fall to the wayside. A month of depressing blogs about not being motivated, having too much stress, one excuse after another... <BR> <BR> Every day I tell myself "Today I start over!" and "I can do this!"....and by dinner time I've had one too many 'treats" and my nighttime eating is then all downhill and I go to bed disappointed yet again. <BR> <BR> I was so motivated when I joined WW and had that goal of losing 10 lbs in two months and then I... Tue, 19 Apr 2016 05:42:25 EST Walking Plan I had a rough week in part due to a funeral for my brother-in-law's father who had become like another grandfather to my kids...I'm hoping to get my act back together today with a renewed commitment to stay active based on his premise that a body in motion stays in motion (like that commercial). He was 84 and passed due to life long indulgence of too much alcohol (not alcoholic but it messed up his liver). Other than that he was healthy and vibrant, running or golfing, snorkling, fishing, al... Sun, 17 Apr 2016 07:13:42 EST Re-read a Few Blogs I went back to the beginning of the year and re-read a few of my blogs to help re-motivate myself...I've been doing okay but could be doing better, especially in terms of tracking my food. I always seem to let that slip and thus lose the true accountability of exactly what I am eating. I sort of track it in my head but that is not good enough. The scale is steady, going down a bit, but not in the sense that I feel I 'earned' it. Back in the beginning I was tracking faithfully and it really, t... Thu, 14 Apr 2016 05:48:24 EST WW Meeting - Discussed Support - Thank you ALL Our meeting topic was about support today and of course, I mentioned the wonderful community of friends here on Spark People that keep me going every day, that share my ups and downs (both on the scale and in life), and how this truly is where I get the most encouraging feedback one could hope for. I honestly cannot figure out how to make friends or communicate with members on the WW site - it's great for tracking the points but that's about it, in my opinion. Here, on Spark, is where I have ... Sat, 9 Apr 2016 11:15:44 EST Not Sure How to Cope with This Stress When someone repeatedly asks you "What's wrong?" and you tell them "Nothing" but they will not let it go, why do they continue to harass you until you finally DO get angry and now there really is something wrong (you feel attacked, not believed, frustrated) and then the person has the audacity to state: "See? I knew you were mad!" <BR> <BR> Seriously - I kid you not - this has been my life for the past two weeks...apparently I have a "tone" in everything I say, I roll my eyes, I breathe like... Fri, 8 Apr 2016 05:57:01 EST I Need to Get Back in Control Seem to have hit bottom yet again, can come up with several reasons (excuses) why but ultimately, the thing is, I have only myself to blame. I did not make wise choices, I ate for reasons other than true physical hunger, and I somehow convinced myself that this was okay. <BR> <BR> It is NOT okay! <BR> <BR> I am the captain of my own ship and I hereby am turning the wheel 180 degrees to get back on course and head for my ultimate destination: good health and a flexible, fit body. <BR> <BR>... Wed, 6 Apr 2016 05:47:58 EST Back to Work Today I wish my vacation had gone differently, that I didn't argue so much with my DD (I think the pain meds and anesthesia screwed up her personality for days), that I had a few more days to goof off and get minor chores done around here...but it's back to work today, and honestly, I think it will be good for me to get back into the routine of it. I think I really need the structure of bringing certain foods with me for breakfast, lunch and snacks - having the kitchen available all day is too much... Mon, 4 Apr 2016 05:34:20 EST A Better Day Yesterday there was not much relief in terms of stress but I do think I handled it better. I managed to get away for a few hours, did some major walking in, of all places, a warehouse store (those places are huge!), and tried to focus on the fact that the cause of most of my stress has just undergone surgery and is not "herself". I did not eat to stuff my feelings down and although my overall food choices could have been healthier, they have been a lot worse lately so at least that's somethin... Fri, 1 Apr 2016 07:35:26 EST Stress Eating Vent What I have learned over the past several days is that stress eating is a real problem for me (big surprise!)....seriously, this week has been one thing after another and my coping mechanism has been to shove everything that is not nailed down into my mouth. <BR> <BR> I start the day really well - healthy breakfast, vitamins, logging in to Spark and reading motivational articles...and then people start to wake up; and they push buttons; and they whine and moan and groan and pick battles; I ... Thu, 31 Mar 2016 08:01:31 EST Survived Easter I survived Easter - and I don't mean just the pastry, I mean some major family drama that was totally unexpected. A major blow up occurred btw two family members - normally I would stress eat about it but I managed to not do that. Nor did I refill my one and only alcohol infused drunk but stuck to plain club soda figuring staying sober might be a good idea. All was resolved within an hour with both parties driving away to calm down then returning to talk things over. Haven't had holiday dram... Mon, 28 Mar 2016 07:24:57 EST The Week Ahead - Preplanning This week will definitely be out of my I need to make a plan for how I am going to get myself back on track after really falling off the wagon this past week. <BR> <BR> First we have Easter, which means some once-a-year out-of-this-world pastries that I refuse to bypass as they are only bought once a year for the big family gathering. I don't need to stuff myself with them, but I would like to savor a few bites of a few different treats. I think I will have a very light breakfa... Sat, 26 Mar 2016 07:04:02 EST A Vent - Without Details - I think... I was going to write a blog about the stress in my life but you know what? I decided not to - and here's why: when I read other blogs about the struggles someone is going through, depending on my own mood that day I sometimes take on their problems and feel them as if they are my own - causing me more stress! I have enough in my own life to deal with and I don't want/need to take on more...this is not to say I don't care about each and every one of my Spark Friends - I do! - but I feel like ... Thu, 24 Mar 2016 05:56:54 EST Owning My Downfall & Moving On I'm not sure exactly when the downhill slope started yesterday, but you've seen those cartoons where a snowball rolls down a hill and becomes enormous? Well that's how bad my eating went out of control yesterday...not sure of the cause, perhaps it was working from home which threw me off plan; perhaps it was my daughter, nitpicking everything I said, asking for advise, and then copping an attitude because she didn't think I was responding to her questions correctly, no matter what I said; it ... Tue, 22 Mar 2016 05:15:51 EST Walking is My Thing I really dislike much as my daughter bugs me to join her, I just cannot stand the atmosphere (even in judgement-free zones), the machines are daunting, the mirrors are humiliating reminders of what I look like from every possible angle, the smell from other people's sweat is disgusting, I cannot help but compare myself to the skinny people (I want to be one) to the people who are heavier than me (if they can do it so can I, but they look like they are on the verge of a heart attack ... Thu, 17 Mar 2016 05:39:17 EST Mixed Feelings - Forgot My Dad Not sure how I feel about this...on March 9th, I had a perfectly ordinary day, nothing about the day made me stop and reflect about anything in particular. Yet that day is the 6th anniversary of my Dad's passing - and I forgot! It never even crossed my mind - and while part of me feels ashamed for not even remembering the day/date at all, there is another part of me that is okay with it, perhaps I have moved on from the grief and have 'let go' of some of the guilt I have struggled with over h... Tue, 15 Mar 2016 05:30:36 EST I Did It!!! When I joined Weight Watchers, they said if I lost 10 lbs in the first two months, they would refund me 2 months payments (or give me two months for free)...well, guess who did it! Exactly 10 lbs total lost in exactly two months! Woo hoo!! <BR> <BR> I seriously think having my eye on the prize so to speak really helped - it was a goal I could envision, it was attainable but I still had to work at it, and it was something I really wanted - not vague or wishful thinking - it was Specific, Meas... Mon, 14 Mar 2016 05:41:12 EST Random Updates, Nothing Special to Read Here The weather here yesterday was, in a word, perfect. 76 degrees, warm sunshine, fresh clean air, an occasional soft breeze....I could take days like that every day of the year and not get bored! Well, maybe an occasional thunderstorm and some snow at Christmas, but otherwise I'll take a repeat of yesterday anytime! <BR> <BR> Sewing machine class tonight - will finally learn how to use the wonderful but terribly under-used machine I bought 5 years ago. Figured I better learn how to use it sinc... Thu, 10 Mar 2016 05:39:40 EST Goal Setting Just an observation - writing down goals really does help you achieve them. On Friday, I wrote down a list of chores I wanted to get done this weekend - I got all but one of those done, but also added a few more - just watching things get crossed off the list was rewarding, I felt like I was making progress and not just letting the precious minutes of a too-short weekend slip by. <BR> <BR> One of my weight loss goals was to lose 10 lbs in 2 months (if I do, WW will give me a free month's mem... Mon, 7 Mar 2016 05:18:43 EST Week1 Assignment 3 - Symbol <img src=""> <BR> <BR> The symbol(s) I chose are combined in the image attached. There is a compass (small ceramic figurine thing from Red Rose tea box) which reminds me to think about where I have come from on this journey and where do I want to go? Which direction? Towards health? Or towards a life where I am not in control? There is also a small bit of a shell, white and purple...the white symbolizes purity (t... Thu, 3 Mar 2016 05:39:40 EST Back in the Saddle After what I thought was a terrible week of eating and not tracking 100%, I still managed to lose 1.4 lbs which brings my total weight loss to 8.2 since joining Weight Watchers. I have lost weight each week. How is this possible? My first two weeks I was highly motivated, this past week I wanted to give up (again) as I found myself grazing and not tracking. <BR> <BR> I did re-motivate myself, however. I was going to do the Simply Filling technique but there are too many things I would strugg... Sun, 28 Feb 2016 06:21:52 EST Switching it Up I logged in to the WW site yesterday and connected to their 24/7 chat where you can have an instant message conversation with one of their leaders. I was feeling down, not motivated, straying from my newly formed good habits...and after chatting with her, came up with a plan to switch up what I'm doing a bit to see if it helps re-spark my motivation. I'm going to switch to their Simply Filling plan which basically is not much tracking and 'eat til satisfied' but only certain very healthy choi... Thu, 25 Feb 2016 05:51:30 EST Where's My Map?? On this weight loss journey, it certainly felt like I made a lot of wrong turns and took a few detours this week - I even ran into a few roadblocks, some of my own making, others thrown up by circumstances beyond my control...where the heck is my map? I've been trying to find my way back to the right path and it seems like I get there for awhile, then bam! My binge monster whispers "Let's take a little break and check out that other trail" - you know the one, the cobblestones are all differen... Fri, 19 Feb 2016 05:31:33 EST Recharging My Motivational Batteries I really want to blame my head cold for this lack of motivation - I feel like ever since I gave in and had that stupid mini binge of white bread I cannot get myself back on track...I'm not doing awful but I'm certainly indulging in ways I shouldn't be and not moving enough. <BR> <BR> It could very well be a timing issue...the 'honeymoon phase' of sticking to the WW plan is fading plus I feel sick so the combination is making my cravings feel stronger than they actually are...and I'm giving i... Wed, 17 Feb 2016 05:06:40 EST Kitty Needs a Name <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Only 6 pounds, very feminine and petite, quiet and laid back -- total opposite of the fat, obnoxious cats we already have! Tue, 16 Feb 2016 06:10:24 EST Mini Binge I was doing so good, really sticking to my plan and eating right - then yesterday happened. I was over hungry by lunch time and had fish and chips - fried fish and french fries!! - oh the horror but it was SO TASTY!...then all was good through dinner, homemade meatball stew, not a calorie buster..and then - it hit! The binge monster knocked and I answered the door! (bangs head on wall repeatedly, why, why why?!)...I fed the beast what he demanded - white bread - four slices! - and that still ... Sun, 14 Feb 2016 05:36:01 EST Seeing (Wearing) Results I took a shot yesterday and tried on a pair of tan pants that have been hanging in my closet for months because they "shrunk in the dryer" (haha)...well, to my surprise, they fit with a bit of room to spare! I rechecked the label - size 16 - not my ideal size but let me just say this: they are not the size 20 I was wearing last month!! <BR> <em>9</em> <BR> To date I've officially lost 6 lbs, maybe one more this week...I don't think 6 lbs would mean 2 pant sizes...maybe it's the walking an... Thu, 11 Feb 2016 05:42:34 EST Update - To My Friends - Thank You I took the advice from one of my Spark friends and deleted recent blogs that included certain "vents" about certain people. I also understand now that unless I accept a friend request, anyone who adds me as their friend can still not see my page. I may also up a second account if and when the need to do so arises. <BR> <BR> Thanks everyone for your advice! <BR> Have a wonderful day! Mon, 8 Feb 2016 05:30:45 EST Attitude Changes Everything As many of you know, I have become disgruntled in my new job role (okay, I hate it most of the time) but when I was home the other day I updated my resume and went online and filled out an application for a new job...but....I didn't hit the "submit" button. I walked away from the computer and had a good long think about things. Here's what I came up with: <BR> <BR> PROS of LEAVING: <BR> <BR> I would be back to doing my old type of job which I really liked most of the time. <BR> <BR> CONS: ... Sat, 6 Feb 2016 06:33:59 EST Down 4.6 Pounds in a Week! Okay, I realize the first week is going to be higher than the weeks to come, some of it may be water-weight, etc...but dang! - I am celebrating! I've made some significant changes to my eating habits this week, changes I didn't think were possible or, I should say, do-able for me because I can be such a rebel sometimes and like to tweak the rules. <BR> <BR> I've increased my veggies without increasing my fruit - because I already eat a good amount of fruit, I didn't want to overload on the ... Sun, 31 Jan 2016 06:51:57 EST Ups and Downs This Week The Ups: <BR> <BR> - my food i choices are including more vegetables and protein <BR> - DD is weaning off medications better than expected <BR> - got new sneakers so walking won't hurt so much <BR> - hubby & I celebrated the anniversary of our very first date 36 years ago! <BR> - I rejoined Weight Watchers and have been following the program all week <BR> - met my Spark Goal of 3000 points for the month <BR> <BR> The Downs: <BR> <BR> - the number on my scale!!! <BR> - the amount of... Thu, 28 Jan 2016 05:29:50 EST Why WLS Scares Me / What I'm Doing Instead My doctor recommended WLS and I have had it in the back of my mind while trying to stick to tried and true methods of losing the weight myself...and I gave those efforts 100% for a few days then gradually slacked off somewhat...which is part of what scares me if I was ever to do WLS -- I don't think I could make such drastic lifestyle / eating changes, even if only temporary -- I am almost certain I would try to 'cheat' and either ruin the surgery or cause significant damage to my insides. <B... Thu, 21 Jan 2016 06:03:55 EST An Observation Yesterday I started the day high protein, extremely low carb and felt pretty good...was getting hungry while shopping and had a sample of a pierogi which was high in carbs but it was small, did not affect me much, then had a high protein snack. Got home and my day turned around from my original plan (went to the movies where I didn't eat a thing! Amazing, I didn't think one could sit in a theater without a tub of popcorn and candy and soda!)...anyway, prior to the movie I had a large helping... Mon, 18 Jan 2016 06:54:01 EST Atkins - "New" 40 Plan? I was reading a magazine that talked about the "New" Atkins plan where you are allowed 40 grams of net carbs per day as opposed to the original plan which allowed for 20. I'm debating whether to try this...I've been very good a bout tracking my food here on Spark lately and seem to always be extremely high in carbs, lower in protein, and I would like to reverse these two...apparently fruit is heavy in carbs, and I tend to go for the higher carb stuff more often...I have noticed when I eat a h... Sun, 17 Jan 2016 06:33:04 EST Three Day Weekend Plans 1. Clean the house - I'm stuck inside this morning due to an icy mix making the roads a mess so I want to declutter and dust (!) - it needs to be done badly! <BR> <BR> 2. Read up more on the Essential Oils kit I bought - figure out how to use them, when and why to use them, and actually start using them!! <BR> <BR> 3. Alternate working on my crochet project (rainbow afghan in jewel tones) and cross-stitch project while binge watching the football playoff games - Go Patriots! <BR> <BR> 4. W... Sat, 16 Jan 2016 07:46:07 EST Reality Check from the Doctor So I saw my doctor regarding my aches and pains and weight loss complaints and he suggested that I might be a good candidate for weight loss surgery...wait, WHAT?!? Me?? I never considered this an option, never looked into it, I've had co-workers do it, and I've seen deaths result from it (keep in mind I read death certificates all day as part of my job) as a solution?? what the heck?!? I know it works for many people and kudos to them for sticking to the rigid lifestyle changes th... Sat, 9 Jan 2016 19:39:33 EST Fauxbonichi OK - what the heck is that, you may ask? It's a journaling technique inspired by a Japanese thing called Hobonichi (which I think involves a special journal which is more expensive)...I saw it on Pinterest and decided it was something I simply HAD to try, it looked so much like something I would do being the creative, writing, artistic calendar-loving person that I am and so far (two days now) I am really loving it. Basically it is a journal that is kept up on a daily basis (I'm using a graph... Sun, 3 Jan 2016 05:32:44 EST Food Plan Time to commit to a food plan as I said I would...I've done my research, weighed the options, compared various things, and have hopefully combined the best tips and advice into something I can manage with consistency (not perfection, but consistency -- perfection, when not reached, leads to disappointment and binges, this I Know from experience). Some of these ideas I may have borrowed from my Spark Friends so here's a shout out of Thanks to you for that! <BR> <BR> 1. Schedule 6 eating times... Fri, 1 Jan 2016 08:56:30 EST Before I Sign the Dotted Line... ...let's re-think this gym idea... <BR> <BR> FACT: yes, it is only $15 a month so even if I don't go, it is not going to break the bank. However, if I don't go, I will feel guilty about not going and when I feel guilt, I usually want food to feel better. <BR> <BR> FACT: I dislike's not the exercise so much as the intimidation I feel - why are trainers watching me? Why are other people there looking at me? Even if they are not, I feel like they are. I spend more time wiping germs a... Fri, 1 Jan 2016 08:37:51 EST Tracking and Learning Been tracking my food at work (and the situations where I am hungry, eating out of boredom, fighting cravings, etc) and, if nothing else, it is making me aware of my feelings...for example, instead of just mindlessly reaching for a candy bar, I see that I am craving one because I am annoyed with my co-worker who is making noise by crumpling a bag of chips...I don't want the chips (or the candy bar, really), I just want the noise to stop and I'm annoyed by it. So that particular craving got st... Tue, 29 Dec 2015 05:39:34 EST Emotional Eating - The Past Revisited I was commenting on one of my friend's blogs and it brought to mind the past - dealing with the loss of my parents 5 years ago. I went through a very rough period of traveling back and forth to care for them and be their advocate while they were in a nursing home (he with dementia, she with a stroke) and as an only child trying to care for my own children and working full time while living 1.5 hours away from my parents - well, to say it was a stressful time is putting it mildly. But I hated... Sun, 27 Dec 2015 06:41:12 EST No More Excuses - My Plan is Taking Shape So here is my basic plan, which I started today: <BR> <BR> Week 1 - avoid processed, sugary food; Pre-pack breakfasts and snacks on Sunday for the week ahead: oatmeal, nuts, fruit, yogurt; soup and salad with chicken or shrimp for lunch; rearrange desk drawers at work to accommodate gym stuff; shop for and buy some decent looking work out clothes <BR> <BR> Week 2 - join gym at work and start using it in the morning; keep a calendar to track work outs and give myself stickers for each day I ... Sat, 26 Dec 2015 20:41:42 EST My DH's Gift - A Letter from Me I'm putting this into a card for my husband this year: <BR> <BR> I wasn’t quite sure how to “wrap” this gift…I can’t express myself talking as well as I can writing, so consider this my special gift to you this Christmas. <BR> <BR> I’m not sure where I went wrong these past several years in terms of taking care of me…somehow I’ve let food become my drug of choice in dealing with stress and I have been miserable. Sure, I’ve made some half hearted attempts but something – not sure what, perha... Thu, 24 Dec 2015 10:27:43 EST This Gym thing could work... Thought some more about the gym thing... <BR> <BR> I am up early if i get to work by 6:00, work out and shower, I can still be at my desk by 7:30 for breakfast, start working at 8:00. <BR> <BR> I'll keep work shoes, make up, shower stuff in my desk - extra underwear, a nice top, and socks, too, in case I forget to pack something... <BR> <BR> Go dressed in gym stuff so I'm ready to work out, carry work clothes with me... <BR> <BR> Pre-pack breakfasts and snacks for the week and... Fri, 18 Dec 2015 19:45:18 EST Gym Opportunity - Should I Join? Gym membership at work is going to be only $15 a month starting in January and they will provide lots of individual planning and support in terms of setting goals, creating an exercise plan that is geared to my abilities and level of fitness, nutritional guidance, why am I not jumping for joy? Besides the fact that if I jump I will most likely injure myself, I dislike the gym. I am self conscious around younger, fitter, athletic types...I am intimidated by some of the machines and h... Fri, 18 Dec 2015 05:58:57 EST