SEAGLASS1215's SparkPeople Blog SEAGLASS1215's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Christmas Day - Early morning No one else is up - just me and the dogs and cats. Peaceful, quiet, tree lit in the living room...I'm struggling with a bit of sadness, missing my parents who have been gone 4 years now, yet the holidays remind me of childhood and times past with them. The good old days, indeed they were. <BR> <BR> Today I am going to allow myself to indulge in whatever foods appeal to me, it's Christmas and I am not going to feel guilty for treats and once-a-year offerings. Tomorrow I will get back on trac... Thu, 25 Dec 2014 06:41:26 EST 2nd Progress Report - 100 day challenge I have stuck to the walking around the block every day, some days going around twice! <BR> <em>313</em> <em>313</em> <em>313</em> <BR> <BR> My table has not remained this clutter free since it was in the furniture showroom! <BR> <em>244</em> <em>244</em> <em>244</em> <BR> <BR> I haven't tracked my food, but I have started creating meal combinations to make tracking easier once I can commit to it. Christmas party food and goodies combined with an overload of stress at wor... Tue, 23 Dec 2014 05:37:37 EST 100 Day Challenge Progress Report I have walked around the block each day and kept the table clear - not doing as well on the tracking. Two out of three is better than nothing, I suppose. I know it has only been 3 days (today is day 4) but this is a huge deal for me - almost didn't do the block yesterday until dogs insisted and dragged me out there at 8:00 PM. The table being clear is such a positive visual reinforcement that I've started to keep other areas a little less cluttered as well. The tracking - well...can't really ... Thu, 18 Dec 2014 05:12:11 EST Birthday Reflections The past year, like any other, has had it's share of ups and downs but for the most part there has not been any major upheavals. I remember when I turned 50 - my goal at the time was to lose 50 lbs by age I am 54 and need to lose closer to 100 lbs. Did I waste the last 4 years? In some respects, yes. I could have been eating better and exercising more and gotten the weight under control instead of letting myself go and procrastinating and complaining without actually doing anythi... Mon, 15 Dec 2014 05:23:01 EST 100 Day Challenge I joined this team with the idea of committing to completing an ongoing challenge of doing something for 100 days. First I was thinking it would be easy but I want something that will actually be a challenge - yet not so hard that I give it up. Whatever I decide to pick, I start tomorrow as it is my birthday and I figure a good day to start. I came up with three things: one for my food, one for my exercise, and one that's not for either but will have a criss cross effect. <BR> <BR> Tracking ... Sun, 14 Dec 2014 06:49:35 EST Not Focused Work has been so busy and mind numbing this week that I could barely focus on me and my weight loss goals. Did my best to eat healthy but those holiday treats did make their way into my mouth on more than one occasion. At least Coco made me walk off a few of those calories but I must admit, I could have done a lot better this week. <BR> <BR> My boss is pushing me into a somewhat different role, a leadership position which is rewarding and stressful at the same time. Of course the holidays a... Sat, 13 Dec 2014 06:20:59 EST Who Rescued Who? My New Exercise Partner When I adopted Coco, they told me she loves to go for her walks. I thought - okay, a 20 lb dog going for a walk can't be too hard - wrong! This little dog LOVES her walks and has dragged me around the block (1 mile) at least once a day...and boy, do I need that! A furry personal trainer to get my butt out the door on cold, wet days! And she doesn't dawdle and sniff every bush -- she trots along at a no-nonsense pace, making my lungs and heart actually have to work a bit harder, so the walk ca... Wed, 10 Dec 2014 05:12:28 EST Just some ramblings...WW, dogs, Christmas Stayed the same at weekly WW weigh in which is okay with me, since I kind of indulged this past week and didn't really track or anything. Had Chinese last night which was so good but so bad for weight loss (steamed shrimp and veggies were healthy, the crab rangoon and lo mein? not so much) <BR> <BR> Dogs are doing well, new one has really fit in nicely although this morning they had me up at 3:30 and are now playing with every squeaky toy they own,waking up the entire household. <BR> <BR> G... Sun, 7 Dec 2014 04:47:56 EST New Dog - Photo <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Old dog is on the left, new dog on the right. <BR> Henry is the corgi, Coco is the pug/dachshund rescue. <BR> Already they are best pals! Fri, 28 Nov 2014 16:26:12 EST Possibly Adopting a Dog Saw the cutest little dog up for adoption through a pet rescue yesterday and - call me crazy - I am filling out an application to see about adding her to our already animal-loaded household (7 cats, 1 dog) current dog needs a companion, he is a 'dog's' dog, meaning he wants someone to play with. We actually got him to be a friend to my former dog who unfortunately couldn't battle her Lyme disease any longer and had to be put down at age 4. Very sad. The cats are fun for Henry to chase ... Mon, 24 Nov 2014 04:54:15 EST Down 2.8 this Week Not a bad start for my first week on WW. This coming week is Thanksgiving which I am hoping to stay in control as I'm not a fan of pies or alcohol and if I load my plate with turkey and veggies I should be okay. Planning to 'up' my activity as well - At work I want to walk every day at break time - the length of my building is 1/4 mile so doing a loop is 1/2 mile. I have been doing this once a day in about 15 minutes so if I bump it up to twice daily that would be good. I'd like to get back ... Sun, 23 Nov 2014 05:37:58 EST WW Again...Simple Start So far so good - I am sticking to healthy power foods and wearing my Activity Link to get my 'baseline' so I will know how much (or little) I move all day and can work on increasing that. I did sneak a peek at the bathroom scale which said I'm down 3 lbs already in 5 days (I'd believe it - lots of veggies and fruit and beans can sort of 'go through' a person). <BR> <BR> I'm not sure why it is so hard for me to follow this type of eating on my own - why I need to pay a fee so someone else can... Wed, 19 Nov 2014 04:39:00 EST Voiced My Goal I had some PT on my foot yesterday and told the therapist that my goal was to get out of Crocs and into real (normal) shoes. I then said something that seemed to have come out of nowhere, but after I said it I realized that I really meant it...somehow my innermost reason for weight loss fell out of my mouth to a complete stranger! After I spoke, it was like bells were ringing and lights were flashing in my head because I knew this would be something that would keep me motivated through the ho... Tue, 11 Nov 2014 05:10:48 EST A Few NSVs Made a delicious, healthy and hearty bean soup yesterday but I think I will be eating it for dinner all week rather than lunch so there are no 'effects' from all those beans that would be embarrassing at work (haha). <BR> <BR> Politely refused a cupcake yesterday - they look wonderful but they are actually not very tasty so it was fairly easy to say no thanks -- but the interesting thing was I was being somewhat pressured to have one and I was able to practice saying 'no' and remained polit... Mon, 10 Nov 2014 04:49:30 EST Met Two Goals - Feeling Empowered Yesterday I said I was going to clean up my cubicle at work and get my hair cut...and I actually followed through! The desk took an hour (it was a mess) but now it is clutter free, drawers are better organized, I dusted and used clorox wipes....actually looking forward to going to work on Monday! And my hair - well, it's definitely short, as in over my ears and I hope to God I can re-create the style she gave me so I don't look too manly. I basically like the cut, but in order to really wear ... Sun, 9 Nov 2014 05:46:02 EST New Plan of Attack No more <em>431</em> <em>421</em> <em>493</em> <em>422</em> !!! <BR> <BR> I cannot believe how enticing those mini chocolate bars are and how one just isn't as satisfying as 5 or 6... <BR> ******************** <BR> Working on a new strategy - - - <BR> <BR> 1. going in to my office today to clean / rearrange my cubicle so that when I go in Monday morning, the old triggers are gone. There's no time during the work day and I'm usually too stressed out - if I can go in to a 'new' en... Sat, 8 Nov 2014 04:38:51 EST Beyond Bottom Not only did I hit bottom the other day, I seem to have brought a shovel with me and decided to keep digging the hole deeper...I guess "bottom" wasn't the worst, I had to make things even more awful. I could use my head cold as an excuse but seriously, even I am not that delusional to think having a stuffy head is cause enough to eat handfuls of cookies, chocolate, and muffins when they were making me feel nauseous because I was already so darn full! <BR> <BR> I'm looking for something to f... Wed, 5 Nov 2014 05:36:38 EST November 1st The year is almost over and I still haven't gotten used to writing 2014! <BR> <BR> Unfortunately, the year is almost over and I weigh more this year than I did a year ago which is NOT how I wanted things to be...I wanted to go to Thanksgiving and see extended family and wow them with my slimmer, trimmer figure. Instead, I am still dumpy (even more so) and clothing doesn't do much to hide any of the rolls and bumps and bulges. <BR> <BR> No crash diet or 24/7 gym routine is going to work in t... Sat, 1 Nov 2014 06:54:12 EST Foot Update So this lasting pain and shoe issue has not been all in my head...apparently I had a suture that was missed and never removed and was trying to work it's way out, causing an abscess. Plus there is a build up of scar tissue that will require physical therapy to break it down. My first appt is tonight and as far as shoes go, I am going to try Crocs (how utterly unattractive!) because they are nice and wide and provide more support than the surgical boot and both feet / legs / hips will be more ... Thu, 30 Oct 2014 04:43:38 EST Hit Bottom with a Big Bang I hit bottom on the self esteem ladder the other day - actually, I fell off that ladder straight down into a pit of remorse and regret and self loathing. It was awful. I was in my car driving home after buying clothes in size 1x (which turned out to be too small - ugh!) and so upset over my reflection in the store mirror that I was crying and screaming and swearing at the top of my lungs. A lot of realizations came out that night - grief and guilt as yet unexpressed four years after the passi... Sun, 26 Oct 2014 06:06:30 EST A short vent... My foot is feeling better using the surgical boot so I will keep doing that til I see doctor next week. <BR> <BR> I've let my eating slide back into old habits and need to tackle that head on....the problem is, I feel kind of bored by the healthy food choices and salivating over the unhealthy stuff surrounding me...Halloween candy at the grocery store (and every other store too - pharmacy, gas station, even the hardware store!). Then there is the bakery aisle and people at work bringing in ... Fri, 24 Oct 2014 04:41:21 EST Not Walking, Losing My Spark... Post surgery by 6 weeks now and pain is worse than before the procedure. Can not even wear my new sneakers (I bought men's because they are wider) and now resorting to putting surgical boot back on. Sharp shooting pains are random and very intense...that could be healing pain but add that to the constant friction at the incision site and I am in agony. Worked all day using an ice bag on my foot. Seeing doctor tomorrow to make sure this is normal and if not, what to do? <BR> <BR> It's discou... Tue, 21 Oct 2014 04:53:05 EST Walking I have walked around the block for three out of four days now - this is just about 1 mile. The first day was when DH suggested it, skipped Monday, Tuesday was to relieve stress, and yesterday was because - are you ready? - I realized that it felt good the previous two times and wanted to do it again! <BR> <BR> It can be painful as my foot is still healing but I'm doing it anyway - after sitting all day at work it's the least I can do. <BR> <em>311</em> <em>342</em> <em>313</em> Thu, 16 Oct 2014 05:22:12 EST Apple Fritter is Not an Apple Ate an apple fritter on an empty stomach and realized afterwards that this was a stupid thing to do - and not just in terms of the empty calories but because it made me feel awful: tired, cranky, sluggish... then my husband suggested we go for walk. First I thought hell froze over as he is a Couch Potato and the last thing I felt like doing was moving, but something made me say okay. We went around the block (only about a mile) but it was brisk walking, I was huffing and puffing and yawning t... Mon, 13 Oct 2014 05:32:32 EST Fall Closet Cleaning and Other Stuff Found lots of clothes to donate that were too small and unlikely to ever fit again...I'm hoping next year to donate all the 'too big' clothes that I'm wearing now. Somehow put in over 12,000 steps going up and down the stairs, doing laundry, etc. <BR> <BR> Ate better yesterday, getting myself back on track after a very rough week...must get back to writing each day and crocheting at night - getting my frustration out on paper really does help and focusing on the yarn and not my stomach is a... Sun, 12 Oct 2014 05:51:18 EST One Wrong Step... ...sent me spiraling out of control the rest of the day! Yesterday was going well until we had a little gathering at work where I devoured a slice of pumpkin roll. That sent my sugar craving and hunger soaring for the rest of the day. Add some stress to that and I was done...stopped tracking, had another slice of the roll, finished off some cookies when I got home, indulged in popcorn with coconut oil on top, finished the day with a small binge of frosted mini wheats. I could feel myself fall... Wed, 8 Oct 2014 05:07:02 EST Down 3 lbs! Just had to share...motivated to keep going on WW, now that I see some movement in the right direction on the scale! <BR> <BR> <em>55</em> <em>193</em> <em>334</em> Mon, 6 Oct 2014 04:36:02 EST First Week Done For my first week doing WW the old way, I did really well...I tracked my food - the good, the bad, the ugly - and was very conscious of what I ate, how much I ate, and if I was eating for reasons other than hunger. I went over my points here and there but overall, I ate way less than if I wasn't tracking. No binges, no mindless eating...a few times where I overdid it, yes, but compared to before, a real improvement! Stayed away from cookies, candy, and processed junk...and survived! LOL! Wore... Sun, 5 Oct 2014 05:47:06 EST Non Scale Victory I was pleasantly full after dinner but my stomach was bored and craving a huge bowl of popcorn, salted with butter... <BR> <BR> I cleaned the kitchen,, fussed around here and there, and the craving continued... <BR> <BR> So I got out of the kitchen (away from food, the computer, my 'spot' at the table)...went into the living room and sat on the couch and started crocheting even though I wasn't really in the mood to. But within about 10 minutes, the popcorn craving went away and within an ho... Thu, 2 Oct 2014 04:58:46 EST Found my old WW Materials... ...and reading through them, even though they are "outdated" compared to the new version, the basics are still true. And the old plan worked for me, when I had to count fruit points (tell me a food is 'free' and it becomes a license to overindulge). I actually, years ago, lost 10% of my then high wi=eight of 170 (Oh to be back down to that hefty weight now, as I tip the scales at close to 240!). Anyway, it really got my juices flowing to give the old plan another try...counting points for all... Sat, 27 Sep 2014 12:17:06 EST Stress & Frosted Flakes I get home to DH and DS totally mad at each other and the universe...then DH gets mad at me over something DD said... <BR> I think DH has a lot on his plate (he always does, this is nothing new) but somedays he just gets over the top angry over little stupid things. He doesn't express it very well, either...not that he is violent or abusive but his words can be hurtful. And if we say this to him, he says things like "Well that's not how I meant it" - then why say it? How are we supposed... Fri, 26 Sep 2014 20:39:41 EST Moderation is NOT the Key for me When they say 'moderation in all things' they don't mean sugar or sweets in my case. I had gotten my head on straight about getting back on plan and was doing well with breakfast and a healthy snack and then...then I had a craving for a little something sweet. Just a mild craving, but it made me uncomfortable to say the least. So silly me figures one cookie with my herbal tea would be fine... <BR> <BR> WRONG! That innocent little cookie led to my downfall. It was like I opened the gate and... Sun, 21 Sep 2014 06:29:35 EST Post Surgery Having had foot surgery on Friday (after fasting since midnight the night before and being a nauseous wreck from pain meds) the only thing I was able to eat was bread and saltines. Not sure if the whole bag of oyster crackers counts as a binge like it would have pre-surgery but now that my gut is calming down and I'm off the heavy duty pain killers (I'll suffer rather than take them, I hate what they do to my head and stomach) I'm going to really make sure I start back on track with healthy s... Sun, 14 Sep 2014 04:28:29 EST Planning My Plan I think I am ready to pick myself up and start again...falling off this crazy roller coaster of weight loss one more time is the last straw. So I'm going to randomly write out some ideas, see if I can come up with a workable plan. <BR> <BR> Track the naughties...I hate tracking, really and truly struggle with this and have complained more often than not about how much I despise having to jot down everything I my new plan is to track only those foods that are not wise choices. Since ... Sat, 6 Sep 2014 18:54:08 EST Must Stop Grazing All Day! I think I have hit bottom in terms of being disgusted with this spare tire around my middle, my inability to sit comfortably in a n office chair, the struggle to tie my shoes, the lack of flexibility required in day to day living... <BR> <BR> Confession: I stood by the open refrigerator door and squirted whipped cream from the can directly into my mouth until it was full. <BR> <BR> Was that awful? No...unless you add to it that I'd just devoured 2 slices of pizza and a giant chocolate chip ... Sat, 6 Sep 2014 06:51:29 EST Bad Week Rough week -- one of our cats has been missing, and there is a coyote or ox in the area (not sure which, too dark to see clearly). Such a nice cat, I just pray that whatever happened was quick and no suffering. <BR> Work was over the top stress - I am so done with the non-stop pressure, they expect the work of 4 people to get done by two, and it's not happening and they wonder why. Really? With all those letters and degrees after your name, you people in upper management can't figure out tha... Sat, 30 Aug 2014 05:40:39 EST My Thoughts on The Writing Diet I joined the Spark Team called The Writing Diet and have since borrowed the book from the library. I am not very far in at all but let me just say, so far this book is making a huge impact on me and my choices. I am letting go of what's eating me instead of eating whatever is laying around. I'm releasing my feelings onto paper instead of stuffing them down with food. In the past few days I have come to terms with journaling my food (something I have always hated and resisted) and because of t... Tue, 26 Aug 2014 05:56:16 EST Happy Anniversary to Me <em>384</em> to me - 16 years ago today I quit smoking. Probably one of the hardest things I've done in my life, but so worth it. I would not be at all surprised if all these years, I've substituted food for cigarettes....always seemed easier to stuff my feelings down than deal with them. I'm sure I used cigarettes as a coping mechanism and over time, food became my drug of choice to numb me from unpleasant things and help me celebrate the good things. <BR> <BR> I am working on getting it... Sun, 24 Aug 2014 06:35:53 EST New Kitty - "Fiona" <img src=""> Sat, 23 Aug 2014 07:03:11 EST Musings on the Past Week The new routine of the gym did not happen this past was one of those weeks where everything seemed to either go wrong or I just couldn't get up early enough to get my butt out the door. My eating was a little better in some respects as I focused on lots more fruit and salads, only hit the vending machine once (for pretzels, not candy), tried to eat meals rather than grazing all day long. I tracked my food for about 3 1/2 days, not very good, God I hate tracking! <BR> <BR> The upcom... Sat, 16 Aug 2014 06:38:06 EST The Gym Went to the gym yesterday and went through all the moves the trainer taught me. I am supposed to space them out on different days, but I wanted to run through all of them so I remembered what they were and how to do them and wrote down the size of the weight and machine settings, etc. Felt very good afterwards. <BR> <BR> One obstacle which I overcame was seeing someone at the gym that I know - and she joined when I did - and she was working up a hefty sweat, looking like she belonged there,... Sat, 9 Aug 2014 07:43:35 EST Power of Habit #2 A little further on in the book, it talks about experiments where people who were recovering from hip / knee surgery were given booklets along with their physical therapy plan. In the back of the book were blank pages and some of the people were told to write out their action plans for how they would meet their goals each week; the other group was not told to do this. The result was the more specific the people got when writing down how they would overcome their obstacles, the better they met... Thu, 7 Aug 2014 05:33:47 EST Back to the Gym Today First time going back to the gym in a long while...fell out of the routine and now it is a bit of a struggle to get there but I packed my bag last night, woke up early, and off I shall go. Promised myself I will do 20 minutes on the treadmill at the very least - if I can do more, great. If not, at least it is a start. <BR> <em>315</em> <BR> Also packed healthy foods to eat today - planning on a large salad with shrimp and maybe some soup for lunch, Greek yogurt, nuts and fruit the rest of... Mon, 4 Aug 2014 05:27:21 EST Wrote a Letter to Mom Mom passed away 4 years ago. On the advice of my therapist, I wrote her a letter because I am struggling with guilt - not over her passing so much as over not being the daughter she wanted me to be. I was adopted and my mother wanted a baby so badly...and she wanted me to be what she wanted me to be - a pianist, a ballerina, a little girl she could dress up perfectly in dresses and hair ribbons who had aspirations of becoming a teacher or a nun. Instead, she got a rebel who lived in jeans, pr... Sun, 3 Aug 2014 16:43:06 EST Power of Habit Reading a book called The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. Very insightful as to how we develop habits / routines and how we can change them. I haven't gotten too far ain to it yet, but basically he is saying there is what he calls the habit loop: first there is a cue or trigger that tells our brain to go into habit mode and which habit to use. Then there is the routine, which can be physical, mental, or emotional. Finally there is the reward, which helps the brain figure out if this particu... Sun, 3 Aug 2014 07:09:20 EST Baby Steps & A Binge Yesterday would have been a great day on plan had I not caved in and had 10 Chips Ahoy cookies... <em>495</em> <em>495</em> <em>495</em> <em>495</em> <em>495</em> <em>495</em> <em>495</em> <em>495</em> <em>495</em> <em>495</em> <BR> Yes, 10 of them!! <BR> <em>29</em> <em>15</em> <em>198</em> <BR> I wasn't even hungry, just fighting a craving and the craving won! <BR> I did have fruit at breakfast, salad at lunch and dinner, fruit as part of two snacks ... Thu, 31 Jul 2014 05:01:47 EST ETL - Making Sense but Scary too I'm not done with the book yet, but it certainly makes sense that increasing fruits and vegetable will benefit my health overall. <BR> <BR> The scary part - Giving up dairy, olive oil, animal products...I get that my education over the years have been tainted about eating these things but it's so hard to undo years of thinking one way. <BR> <BR> I may have to take this slowly, step by step. Give up the processed stuff first - for a full week - and then, piece by piece, eliminate the stuff... Mon, 28 Jul 2014 04:44:31 EST RMR Test Had my Resting Metabolic Rate tested at the gym at work. You breathe into a machine through your mouth for about 7 minutes and it comes up with a number, which gets plugged into a computer and the trainer helps you figure out your calorie needs, weight loss goals, etc. My calorie budget is 1651per day in order to lose 1 lb a week without doing anything physical. If I add exercise, particularly weight training, my RMR will go up, effectively burning more calories per day and increasing the rat... Wed, 23 Jul 2014 06:19:07 EST PreDiabetes....possible? Been reading a bit about pre-diabetes and while my numbers at the doctor's office don't indicate any problems, my lifestyle choices are certainly pointing me down that road. How long can I spin the roulette wheel and come up healthy? <BR> <BR> The thing is, diabetes has not scared me in the past because I didn't know enough about it. Now that I am learning more, the scary reality of it is sinking in and I don't want to have to deal with the solution is to change my lifestyle to help ... Sun, 20 Jul 2014 08:07:37 EST Need to FInd the Right Motivation This may sound weird but I often think if I had some big hurdle to overcome, I would work harder and could be a success you read about celebrities who struggle with addiction and then they manage to over come it, become a role model, etc. then they humbly brag about how long they remain sober. Or let's say someone fought a battle with cancer and they inspired others with their courage and motivation and they made life style changes that helped them. Even people on shows like the ... Wed, 16 Jul 2014 05:06:49 EST