SASKGIRL81's SparkPeople Blog SASKGIRL81's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community I'm back.. pt.. 6? Yep I've tried and failed again. I was doing really well, had goals, motivation, blah blah blah and then fell hard off the horse and on to my big butt. But I'm trying again. And that's the most important part right? <BR> <BR> I'm not sure why i keep giving up on myself but I do. I've been away fro so long that blogs I wrote a while ago I hardly remember writing and have to question if it was actually me who did. Every time I put effort and time into this site I succeed and as soon as I jump ... Mon, 6 Apr 2015 18:26:21 EST Progress Pics - not for the weak stomachs out there :P This is more for my self so when i go back over blogs from time to time I can stumble across this one and be happy that even I can see a bit of progress being made even after only 25 lbs gone. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <img src=" Tue, 16 Apr 2013 16:31:00 EST Getting over a hump I did it again. I got to a certain point.. took some progress pictures and then immediately fell off the wagon. I reached 25 lbs gone and then took pictures and then my mind basically just shut down or something on me and I fell wayyy back into old habits. <BR> <BR> But <BR> <BR> This time.. I didn't give up. <BR> <BR> I messed around for like 2-3 weeks.. ate garbage and made half assed attempts at work outs. I didn't gain weight but I certainly didn't lose very much either. I finally sat... Tue, 16 Apr 2013 15:49:13 EST Zumba challenge finished! Lots and lots of numbers and other things.... Lemme just say this.. SOOO happy hell week is over! It was fun but the 60 min workouts almost killed me but at least i know I need to be better prepared next time. I'm gonna get the numbers out of the way cuz they're what I'm excited most about. <BR> <BR> Starting weight dec.30th - 294 lbs <BR> February start weight - 282.2 lbs <BR> 10 day challenge start - 277 lbs <BR> End of challenge and month - 271.2 lbs <BR> 10 day challenge loss - 5.8 lbs <BR> Feb loss - 11 lbs <BR> Total loss - 22.... Mon, 4 Mar 2013 12:40:51 EST Nonsense and Zumba challenge day 4 and 5! Woohoo it's the weekend (soon)! <BR> <BR> I am especially excited for this weekend because myself, my daughter and 2 of my friends (one is a bridesmaid) are heading off to a bridal show for the day. It starts at 11 and ends at 5. I have never been to one of these and I am excited. My wedding isn't til July 2014 but we're doing alot of diy stuff and I'm hoping this will give me some awesome ideas that are inexpensive. <BR> <BR> <em>336</em> I gotta just say this... OMG OMG OMG OMG I ca... Fri, 22 Feb 2013 15:45:54 EST Zumba 10 Day Accelerated Fat Loss program - Day 2 and 3 Let me tell you about day 2. It sucked. It worse than sucked but I don't even know the word to describe it. It was a cluster &^%$ of me trying to do the moves and it going just too fast for me to figure it out. But I didn't stop moving for the entire hour even if everything I did was wrong. It moves fast and I had only done this dvd one time before now. BIG mistake. The next time I do this 10 day challenge (which will end 2 days before my birthday on the 28th of march) I will make sure in tha... Wed, 20 Feb 2013 15:31:35 EST Zumba 10 Day Accelerated Fat Loss program - Day 1 (yesterday) I started Day 1 yesterday and I'm actually off to a good start. I decided not to take food pictures cuz it seemed kinda silly and I didn't think people would really care about what I ate. My food and fitness trackers are shared though if anyone is curious. <BR> <BR> So I woke up and said goodbye to my two older kids as they went to their grandma's to visit with their dad for a couple days and had breakfast. With this program you can eat up to 7 times a day with four mini snacks or 5 times ... Tue, 19 Feb 2013 11:51:01 EST Zumba 10 Day Accelerated Fat Loss Program I've decided my life will end in about 5 days. <BR> <BR> Why? <BR> <BR> I'm pretty sure on day 5 of this program is when my body is going to scream ENOUGH! and once I launch the dvd and start it, it'll say "I warned you!" and I'll topple over. It's been fun guys. :P <BR> <BR> I've decided to try the program even though it's gonna suck a whole bunch. Tomorrow is my Day 1 and I will write a short blog with my beginning weight and measurements and then after day 10 is over and the program is... Sun, 17 Feb 2013 15:22:29 EST An opportunity that would push me wayyyy out of my comfort zone I don't like crowds. I'm scared of people almost to the point where I'm pretty sure I'm close to anxiety attacks. Trips to the grocery store with a cart load of food and someone who comes in behind me to wait in line freak me out. I'm worried they're judging me, judging my cart load of food and thinking "no wonder she's fat" and I wanna scream "this isn't all for me!! I'm feeding 5 people!!" but I don't.. I just stand there embarrassed of myself. <BR> <BR> Yesterday I was informed of an oppo... Sat, 2 Feb 2013 17:45:19 EST The difference after a month Starting weight = 294 <BR> 4 weeks later = 282.2 <BR> <BR> Waist = 54 inches <BR> 4 weeks later = 52.5 <BR> <BR> Hips = 59 <BR> 4 weeks later = 56 <BR> <BR> Thigh = 29 <BR> 4 weeks later = 27.5 <BR> <BR> Upper Arm = 16 <BR> 4 weeks later = 15.5 <BR> <BR> Calf = 17 <BR> 4 weeks later = 16.5 <BR> <BR> Chest = 42 <BR> 4 weeks later 40 <BR> <BR> Total weight loss = 11.8 lbs <BR> Total inches lost = 9 inches <BR> <BR> I love seeing numbers move. I'm proud of my first month. Sun, 27 Jan 2013 13:54:41 EST So here's a question.... As I start eating alot better and exercising alot more I'm pretty unaware of what vitamins I should be taking besides a multivitamin. Does anyone have any suggestions? Mon, 21 Jan 2013 22:16:54 EST Good idea or bad idea? I kept missing the biggest loser but finally caught up on the 2 shows I missed and am watching the third right now (don't worry I won't spoil the end for anyone). <BR> <BR> My daughter who is 10 is watching this show with me right now while doing her homework and I can't decide whether I should keep (or even make) her watch it in the future or let her do what she wants. My family on my side is full of overweight men and women and I fear that in her future she's going to struggle a lot with h... Mon, 14 Jan 2013 22:18:39 EST Two blogs in one day?? Oh my! I need help this time... So this is pre menstrual week which is also my second week into my "new me" plan and attitude. These types of weeks are the freaking hardest to get over because I feel like I'm non-stop hungry. I've tried drinking water, I've tried having a banana or some carrots.. but my body wants salt and chocolate and cake and ice cream and everything all at once. it's not like if I have a portion sized bowl of chips my craving will be satisfied either.. it's "okay this bowl was fine.. but let's see what ... Wed, 9 Jan 2013 21:04:05 EST When bad dreams cause you to do things.. Not bad things though.. Good things! I dreamt this morning that the next 18 months fast forwarded themselves while I watched and all of a sudden it was 5pm on july 4th of 2014 and I had to find a wedding dress THAT NIGHT. I finally put one on and when i looked in the mirror as I was lowering the dress down I could see my flabby fat legs and my huge arms with that gross little ball of fat that seems to collect just above your elbow.. it was NOT a pretty picture and NOT how I wanna look in a w... Wed, 9 Jan 2013 10:30:19 EST 2013 Resolution I've never been more determined. I will lose weight this year!. I've always been the kinda person who needs a goal. Something to push for, a reason to lose weight. Now I have one. I realized that the week of my wedding and even the day is gonna be a moment where alot of people are gonna see me again after years. Which means not only will they see me possibly for the first time ever in a wedding dress but hopefully for the first time in 10 years alot skinnier than I have ever been. And that's ... Wed, 2 Jan 2013 14:16:41 EST I'm engaged! If there ever was a better way to get motivated this was definitely it! <BR> <BR> So I realize I have been away from sparkpeople off and on over the past year and a half. I'm not sure what happened but my motivation and willingness to keep pushing completely disappeared and I gained almost all the weight back minus 10 pounds. I don't have any excuses for it, I just stopped caring and started pretending again like I wasn't fat and had no problems. Heh... I lie the best to myself. <BR> <BR> ... Mon, 26 Nov 2012 14:24:25 EST Who wants to beat up my brain? My mood today is just.. ughhhhhhhhhhhkljsdhfaskdfkjasdfhldksjfhskd<BR>jafhlskdjfhlsdjkfalkd. <BR> Yup <BR> If I could snarl like a murloc all day long I totally would (HA WoW reference) <BR> <BR> I feed off you guys and your positivity. The last blog I wrote every comment pushed me more and more til I got up off my butt and looked up some spark videos to try out and I did try them out. Since then? nada. but I have been eating better so that's a plus right? And I lost 2 lbs my first week of ... Tue, 28 Aug 2012 16:37:36 EST A Plea for the Spark People Community So here I am again. Staring at my spark page and wondering what keeps making me turn my back on this page and the people and honestly, myself. I have 0 excuses for why I keep doing this, why I just log on here and scan everything and then log back off to not return for a few months. I open my email and see that people have left me comments or goodies but I just ignore it like it never happened. <BR> <BR> I don't like being fat. <BR> <BR> So, I need help. I feel like I can ignore things to... Thu, 16 Aug 2012 13:16:42 EST Tell me about when you knew you hit rock bottom After I wrote my weird blog about being back last night I had a bath and while in the bath I started thinking about how I got back into the same old habits and how even though I haven't gained all 40 lbs back that I'm getting too close to comfort to it. <BR> <BR> My problem I think is that I haven't truly hit a rock bottom. I feel like I'm still in better shape than I was.. I can still sort of run which I couldn't before and if I spend hours on my feet they don't kill me at the end of the d... Mon, 5 Mar 2012 20:11:24 EST I'm Back? I think I am anyway. <BR> <BR> Where do I start.. Well I could list all kinds of excuses for my long break from sparkpeople but I don't really see the point. <BR> <BR> I think I may have started my whole "journey" at too low of a point in my life for it to do me any real good. I wasn't just fat.. I was depressed and I felt like a giant loser and it wasn't just to do with my weight. I felt like a big phony cheering other people on with their losses or when I'd try to encourage someone who ... Sun, 4 Mar 2012 18:47:48 EST Just needing to vent - could definitely use some advice please Ex's suck. Big time suck. My ex especially. I'd like to cut off all his fingers and shove them far up his butt. <BR> <BR> Tonight seems to be a bad night. This jerk had to be taken to court because after 3 years of being broken up he was spending child support money we had agreed on, on sh!t for himself, a new boat, a new deck, quads, xbox kinect, ps3 all kinds of freakin toys instead of paying his support. So I took his stupid butt to court where he was told to pay DOUBLE what he was paying... Tue, 13 Sep 2011 23:08:58 EST It's a girl! Okay so yesterday I posted a blog about my boyfriend's brother's girlfriend and how she was being rushed to Halifax to deliver her baby because of the problems. She had a baby girl last night which is so awesome cuz I was pretty convinced that that family could only have boys. Lemme explain quick. Jason has FOUR brothers. His brother has 2 sons and we had a boy as well. So Steph having a girl (the ultrasound also showed girl but that's not ALWAYS accurate) is a HUGE deal. She finally had her ... Wed, 7 Sep 2011 10:56:15 EST My `sister in law` My boyfriend`s brother`s girlfriend Stephanie`s water broke last night. They found out months ago that her baby has a fair sized hole in her heart that didn`t close up and that there is a 10% chance of her having down syndrome. She is being rushed to the hospital in Halifax which is a good five hour drive away from where she lives to deliver there. There`s a pretty big chance right now that her little baby will have to be operated on soon after she is born to close up her heart. Please send a... Tue, 6 Sep 2011 10:58:37 EST I am a rock star no matter what the scale says! I weigh myself like it's going out of style. Twice a day for sure but sometimes more than that. It's sad really. I've asked the bf to hide that mean piece of junk so that I am forced to do it once a week but he does and I find it (he sucks at finding good hiding spots). He always looks at me and shakes his head but now he refuses to hide it anymore cuz really there is no point. <BR> <BR> <em>28</em> Why does a person put so much self worth in one small square of metal or glass (or a combin... Wed, 24 Aug 2011 19:22:40 EST All or nothing That was the attitude I had when I first joined sparkpeople. Combined with constant feelings of guilt and failure and even anxiety. I was pretty sure I was pushing myself towards a panic attack (I've had one before.. it was NOT fun). <BR> <BR> I pushed myself hard. I'd work out for 2 hours a day, watch EVERY little piece of food I put in my mouth and weighed myself 100 times a day. I cried all the time. This constant pressure was what my life had become. I didn't often read other people's... Thu, 18 Aug 2011 13:19:10 EST Not ALLOWED to?? I read a LOT of blogs on here that people, especially those that show up on my feed, have written. I don't always comment which I know I should but sometimes I just don't really know what to say or how to help. Today i read a number of blogs of people who confessed about eating a cheeseburger, going to mcdonalds, having a piece of chocolate or a bag of chips or a glass of soda/pop and then blogging about how they did this knowing they're not ALLOWED to do it. Um.. wait a second. I don't under... Wed, 10 Aug 2011 17:09:33 EST What is my problem? Ever since I've been back from our vacation I've been in a slump. Not so bad a slump that I'm gaining weight back but just where I don't have the same drive as I did before we left. I walked around for 3 weeks in a sort of "blah" state and wondered where that drive went and how come I didn't feel the same push I did before we left. I sat down with Jason one night and we were watching Big Brother and started talking afterwards and I had a realization while we were talking. Before my trip it wa... Tue, 9 Aug 2011 10:58:20 EST My Vacation to Manitoba and Nova Scotia (PICS) I know this blog is a few weeks later than I planned on putting it up but ah well. <BR> <BR> Jason had 2 weeks off work and because of this we had decided a year ago that we were going to take a MUCH needed vacation out to Nova Scotia because we had a baby almost 2 years ago and his family hadn't had the opportunity to meet him yet or my kids yet either (and some of them hadn't even met ME yet lol) <BR> <BR> So on July 1st we left and drove out to Manitoba. What was supposed to happen was m... Sat, 30 Jul 2011 19:00:53 EST I am back Finally! We are home from vacation! I'll post a vacation blog once all my pics from 2 different cameras and 2 phones are uploaded onto my computer. First things first. never going away again for 2 weeks. It was wayyy too long and by the middle of the second week we couldn't wait to be home. Every day we were moving going to visit someone here or there and we didn't really ever have one day we could just sit and do nothing. Which I guess was good.. cuz I ate like crap through my whole vacation... Mon, 18 Jul 2011 12:50:06 EST Week 9 with a 1lb gain Well I haven't been blogging much lately. I haven't really felt much like it. I've been worried about a bunch of different things.. like canada post being on strike and not getting the 2 cheques I'm waiting for before we leave for our trip. We leave friday! It seems like it snuck up on me cuz I'm totally not prepared for leaving yet. We have been slowly cleaning out the house of food that will spoil in the 2 1/2 weeks we'll be gone for but there are lots of clothes that need to be packed and... Mon, 27 Jun 2011 15:05:40 EST Pretty disgusted I usually don't write about stuff like this and just keep my thoughts in my head. But I gotta say something about the massive amounts of idiots that showed their true colors in vancouver on wednesday night. My facebook is STILL blowing up with people talking about all the destruction and people "liking" pages set up for people to tag their friends or family that were part of the destruction. My heart goes out to the people who were trampled and for the police who I'm sure tried their best and... Fri, 17 Jun 2011 12:49:45 EST For once I think I'm happy being me :) I'm not really sure what's going on with me. I haven;'t had much of an appetite but I've also had very little motivation for walking at night. I decided to walk for most of my work outs just because it's "me time" and I get to go off for about an hour and listen to my music and try to walk to the beat. It's my alone time with no baby, no kids, and no boyfriend. Just me, by myself. But even though I haven't been walking much lately I still have been losing a bit here and there. I know it could... Thu, 16 Jun 2011 13:52:13 EST Question for YOU spark friends Yes this will be a very short blog. <BR> <BR> My question is this. How many minutes do you guys work out in a week and how many calories do you burn? I'm trying to set a good goal for next week and the week after especially since I'm starting the biggest loser challenge next week and I'm wondering if I'm working out too much or not enough ( I know there's no such thing as too much :P) But I am wondering what appears to be the norm for most people. Please post your mins/calories below. Tue, 7 Jun 2011 13:08:18 EST Hey Spark friends! I need your favorite happy songs! OKay so yes this is kind of a repeat blog. A few days ago my boyfriend bought me a card and an itunes gift card for losing 20 lbs. The trouble is I can't find enough songs on my own to download. So I'm asking for YOUR help spark friends! Help me load up my ipod with some new happy tunes for when I go walking! The only music I don't like is techno and death metal screaming stuff! <BR> <BR> Tell me your favorite happy songs! Sun, 5 Jun 2011 11:15:08 EST No more slacking off! This past week and last week I've been slacking off quite a bit.. I've done my work outs and I've gone for walks but I did the bare minimum I had marked down for myself. Usually when I set my fitness tracker for the amount of calories I'm gonna burn through out the week I go usually 300-500 calories over and I know I'm going to so I make sure to eat towards the top of my calorie range. This week I BARELY made it through each work out and had to push myself to do any type of exercise. An off w... Fri, 3 Jun 2011 18:40:51 EST Tell me your favorite upbeat song Sparkfriends!!! So two days ago I stepped on the scale even though I wasn't supposed to yet and was down to 279.8 which means I've lost 20 lbs! I told Jason cuz I was so excited! Yesterday he went shopping for shoes and came home with a card and a $50 iTunes card for some new music for my iPod as a congratulations for hitting this mark. I almost cried :D <BR> <BR> So I go walking about 3 times a week or more if the weather agrees and would like to fill my iPod up. I'm asking for help from all the wonderful... Fri, 3 Jun 2011 13:58:31 EST Vacation worries - Opinions or advice please!! Ever since I started over with my new calorie range and exercises I have been doing very well. I've lost 18 lbs so far 12 of them in the past 4 weeks. I woke up this morning thinking about how our vacation to nova scotia might not be so bad after all because I will hopefully be down another 20 lbs before then or maybe more and I told Jason that at the very least I need to go for walks a few times a week while we are there. What I didn't think about is the fact that I will have absolutely no c... Mon, 30 May 2011 11:57:42 EST Where's the door?? I want out of this pity party! Over the past 2 months since I started this journey, I've gone through as many emotional roller coaster rides as I'm sure a lot of people do in a year. And it's gotta stop. I talk to my family constantly about my weight.. about my plans for the future and I get excited but as soon as I stop talking about them my head goes nuts with negativity that I've gotten from OTHER people. I refuse to let this go on any longer. I refuse to get back on the roller coaster for another ride. I refuse to let ... Thu, 26 May 2011 12:36:11 EST On to week 4! Last week was hell. I put myself through so much that I was exhausted by the end of the week. Not from working out, from trying to battle demons that have been screwing with me since I started this whole journey. <BR> <BR> I didn't work out very much last week and I also didn't eat the greatest either. I didn't go over my range at all but I did snack more than normal and I didn't drink as much water as I should have or eat as many veggies or fruit as normal either and didn't take any vita... Tue, 24 May 2011 15:27:53 EST My week 3 so far... what an emotional roller coaster! Well, this has been a weird kind of week. I forced myself to take a 2 day break from exercising to deal with the constant freaking out of everything I was doing not being enough. These past 2 days have been emotional hell. I literally put myself through the most emotional abuse I have ever received in my life but by the end of yesterday the storm was over and I could finally sit back and just be happy with my progress. I've lost 14 lbs so far since the beginning of april and 8 of those pound... Thu, 19 May 2011 18:16:33 EST Thank you to Spark People I signed up with this website a few months ago. The night of my 30th birthday actually and didn't expect a whole lot from this site. I didn't expect to find any support. I didn't expect to accomplish very much or even come back to this site after I'd been here for a week. I figured it'd be some kind of phase that would pass eventually. I thought I'd write things down and basically it'd be my way of working things out by myself cuz I was pretty sure no one would read or respond to anything I w... Tue, 17 May 2011 17:00:13 EST Week 3 - Not doing very well emotionally I've been so obsessed lately with my weight. I lost 7 lbs over the last 2 weeks but I've barely even stopped to acknowledge it. I feel like I'm on some kind of weird deadline so when I should be proud of things like that 7 lbs (4lbs this week and 3 last week) I shove it away fast and focus on seeing what I can get off the coming week. I need to slooooooooooow down. I haven't gone over my calorie range since mothers day and haven't come even very close the last part of the range. I haven't ha... Mon, 16 May 2011 17:21:53 EST My week 2 so far.. I'm still feeling pretty freakin amazing even though TOM is here. The weird thing is the huge cramps that strap me to the couch during my visit with TOM have been loosened. A lot. A month ago if you would have asked me to work out while TOM was visiting I would have told you to go to hell.. but in nicer words. But miraculously working out seems to shove them away so they're only now a minor annoyance. <BR> <BR> I'm starting to see working out now as a part of my day instead of something I h... Thu, 12 May 2011 13:56:43 EST Week 2 Mother's Day. HUGE fail of a day as far as eating went. I went a good 700 calories over the top of my range. Yup. Do I feel bad for it? Yup. Will I do it again? Oh probably. hehe. But it won't be often. And my excuse was that it was mother's day and it's my kids and the bf's fault for ordering such a HUGE breakfast that I had no choice but to eat lest I hurt their feelings. Okay I'm not really blaming it on them but I kinda wish I could. <em>20</em> <BR> <BR> But I'm back on track. One da... Tue, 10 May 2011 12:34:40 EST How about "LSEA"? (long) If you are wondering about the title don't worry, I will get to it. <BR> <BR> I was sitting in the tub this afternoon and was about to pick up a book to read when I decided I needed to think instead. I read a lot of blogs women post where they beat themselves up for doing "bad" things - eating wrong, not working out, how the scale didn't go down this week, etc, etc. I actively seek out blogs with titles that sound like self destruction so that I can maybe (hopefully) say something to this ... Fri, 6 May 2011 19:10:28 EST My new week 1 so far... So first of all CAFFEINE HEADACHES SUCK!!!!!!!! <em>24</em> I'm on day 3 and still woke up wanting to cut my head off. But I'm pushing through it cuz I know it'll be worth it in the end. I've been making out meal plans every day for the next day so that there are no opportunities for me to make last minute bad decisions of what I have for breakfast, lunch and supper. So far it's going really well. Last night we had this teriyaki beef stir-fry with jasmine rice. It came out of this cookbook ... Wed, 4 May 2011 12:18:59 EST Starting over - New week 1 So I went over my eating habits and charts and stuff for the last few weeks and I couldn't believe how many calories were coming from snacking and from PEPSI alone. I then went to my weight tracker and saw that I had set my 140 lbs lost for July 2012 and that my fitness goals were pretty high. Basically I was setting myself up for failure. <BR> <BR> This week I'm armed and ready. I've set my goals properly, reset my weight for what I am this week and for how much I wanna lose and by when an... Sun, 1 May 2011 18:05:16 EST Any advice would really help :) I have decided after reading a spark friends page to cut soda and eventually caffeine out of my diet. I know I am sabotaging my weight by drinking the amount that I do. About 2 years ago I drank probably a good 2 litres of it a day if not more. When I was pregnant with my son I cut it out completely because my taste buds went nuts and every time I'd try to drink it, it would leave a real bad taste in my mouth.. like I had just swished my mouth with water and pennies lol. I never suffered from... Fri, 29 Apr 2011 12:15:12 EST Another bad day :( I feel "blah" today. The scale has become my enemy. Something I step on every day (I just can't help it) and glare at to give me a good result and when it doesn't I spend the rest of the day walking by it wondering why it hates me so much. <BR> I haven't been getting much sleep lately and this is not because I've been staying up late. In fact I've been in bed between 10 and 11 every night and up anywhere between 7 and 8 but the hours between are tosses and turns. I think maybe I need a new... Thu, 28 Apr 2011 13:23:45 EST Guilty! Okay so I wrote this blog yesterday and basically said I was giving up on the nutrition tracker. I guess I lied.... <BR> <BR> I went through the WHOLE DAY without tracking a single food or cup of water or even the veggie/fruit serving tracker. OH THE GUILT! I ate well and made healthy choices through most of the day ( I had a 100 calorie bag of doritos SUE ME :P) but by the end of the night I felt so bad about not tracking anything that when I woke up this morning I said "SCREW IT!!" an... Tue, 26 Apr 2011 11:57:32 EST