SANDY1969's SparkPeople Blog SANDY1969's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Better days Yes, yesterday was a bit of a downer. Guess who came to visit me!?! <BR> <BR> Yesterdays blog was just a brief summary of a lot of feelings from over the past few years. Thank you all for your comments and well wishes. <BR> <BR> Am down another pound today, squeezed in another 30 minutes on the bike after I got home from work yesterday. <BR> <BR> I guess my "mini" goal is still a bit big in a lot of people's eyes. 25 pounds. As a BIG woman I know the first 4-5 would come off easy as ... Fri, 18 Apr 2014 06:23:08 EST my sob story Still trying to keep the main focus on the smaller goal, yet my mind still slips into looking to far into this and what if I just lose one more pound here, or lose 3 pounds a week instead of 2...or this, or that, ya know? <BR> <BR> I just want to be happy and CONTENT with a loss and reach a goal. I have not set a time limit on it. I just want to reach it. <BR> <BR> Emotional week for me this past week. Crying over stuff. I wish I were a stronger and more confident person. I wish I were... Thu, 17 Apr 2014 07:18:46 EST On my way. Doing things a little differently this time. Reaching towards small goals at a time instead of the bigger picture. Hopefully I will have more success than I have had in the last couple of years. <BR> <BR> First goal is 25 pounds. Losing water weight has got me well on my way with a 4 pound loss over night. Hey, I will take it! <BR> <BR> Back to work today after 4 days off. ugg! Tue, 15 Apr 2014 06:41:05 EST Shouldnt I be able to meet a goal? My accomplishment today was deciding to weigh myself and begin AGAIN. <BR> <BR> 345 is not where I want to be. I set a much smaller goal this time. I am terrible at the whole goal setter thing. I have not met one yet. When I began I just lost what I lost, and the end result was so far into my future that I didn't dwell on it. I really need to set a goal and meet it, for ME. To prove that I can do it. I should be able to do that shouldn't I? <BR> <BR> Mon, 14 Apr 2014 09:09:50 EST feel the frustration Tuesday and back to work today after 3 days off. <BR> <BR> Looking at my spark page I restarted Jan 22 at 342. Today I am 340. Not a lot of progress is it? <BR> <BR> I am really beginning to think I have a thyroid issue or something. When I first began this back in 2010 it was LOTS easier to do this. At 414 pounds in 2010 I began and continued to lose until I hit the 310-320 mark and then I stalled. FOR 2 YEARS. It's when I began inching back up that I took myself in check and now I am... Tue, 1 Apr 2014 09:19:33 EST Monday It's Monday and I have inched back up to 340 from 336 of about 4 days ago. I didn't exercise yesterday, just spent a lot of time crafting in the garage with my hubby. We have a craft show coming up next Saturday. What do you think of my 6 ft bunnies? :) <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I have my morning companion with me, my water bottle!! and I have gathered my sneakers beside me ready to put on. I have nothing but time today to ... Mon, 31 Mar 2014 07:22:52 EST Saturday Morning ......and here I am! <BR> <BR> Up at 6 am on the first of 3 days off, drinking my water and trying to get motivated to get on the bike. <BR> <BR> Grabbed taco bell on the way home last night, not good. Ate it too late. The whole day wasn't bad on calories, just shoulda ate something better and earlier. <BR> <BR> Sometimes I wonder if I have unrealistic goals. Like losing 40ish pounds in 3 months. Im a BIG girl. I know I can theoretically lose more than someone that weighs a lot less i... Sat, 29 Mar 2014 07:19:13 EST Friday No blog since Tuesday but I have logged in. Today is 10 days in a row. pounds are fluctuating a pound or so daily but ultimately towards the downward which is pleasing. Just a few days left in the month, want to go out with a bang! <BR> <BR> Rode my bike for 30 minutes today, now I have to get ready for work. The only good thing about going to work is that I can stay away from food. By that I mean not grazing all day. Keeping to set meals. <BR> <BR> Everyone have a great weekend. <BR>... Fri, 28 Mar 2014 08:32:55 EST :) Home from work, ate dinner and now I will attempt to walk the treadmill. I wont be setting any speed records. Hey any activity is better than NO activity right? <BR> <BR> I have goals dang it!! I have life to live! Tue, 25 Mar 2014 19:28:54 EST Reading the pounds away. Weigh in, same as yesterday and I can totally live with that. I skipped exercise. I was plum wore out. <BR> <BR> Today though I am back after it. Have my water bottle and my tennis shoes on ready to get on the bike. <BR> <BR> I have not been very good, well actually I have failed at every goal I have set for myself so far when I have given myself a "Lose X amount of weight by X date". <BR> <BR> I want so much to hit the 200's by my 5th wedding anniversary (June 27th). So far I am n... Mon, 24 Mar 2014 08:51:35 EST Another good day. So far so good, but I have the next 2 days off. I know I will not sleep good tonight, I am babysitting my grand daughter all night and she is 11 months old. <BR> <BR> About 1200ish calories today, I did eat a few more potato chips when I got home than I said I was going to but they are included in the calorie count sooooo....not too bad. <BR> <BR> I have been trying to talk myself into just a 10 minute treadmill walk, but truthfully after 10 hours on my feet today I really don't think I... Sat, 22 Mar 2014 21:10:06 EST Just my idiot thoughts. lol Nobody ever said you had to eat the whole granola bar at one time, did they? <BR> <BR> I have to change the way that I look at food. I CAN leave food on my plate. I don't have to force it all in to get my money's worth. Im cheap, so if I go out I want what I paid for. Then I turn around and spend MORE money on weight loss aids. Does that make sense? NO! <BR> <BR> I can wrap up that granola bar for later. If I forget about it is it the end of the world? I don't have to finish my kid'... Fri, 21 Mar 2014 07:08:14 EST Today was an ok day. That's about all I got. It was ok. I got up at 5:30 am (1 hour early) and rode my exercise bike for 35 minutes. I then worked 10 hours today. I put in over 7000 steps. I am contemplating walking on the treadmill. Yeah, we are just at the thought process right now. lol My feet are hurting. <BR> <BR> Eating, I know I am low for the day with just over 1000 calories eaten. It is 7:30 pm now. I really am hesitant about eating something so late. I have some strawberries I might munch on... Thu, 20 Mar 2014 19:42:53 EST What day is it? ok ok ok I got very discouraged again after my latest and greatest attempt at this thing. I cut back on food and upped the exercise and I logged into Spark for 10 days in a row. 10! I lost 6 pounds. I gained it all back within 2 days. 2! <BR> <BR> I finally got all my clothes off my dreadmill, ummm I mean my treadmill. I DO plan on using it. It's always easy to plan while you are laying in bed and think TOMORROW I will do it! Well today is tomorrow and now I must do it. <BR> <BR> I h... Wed, 19 Mar 2014 07:55:43 EST Same old place. Today wasn't great. <BR> <BR> I felt drained of energy. <BR> <BR> I slept bad and not for very long. I weighed myself today like I do every morning and I have gained back what I lost. 6 pounds gone and back in 6 short days. <BR> <BR> Time to revisit my old methods I guess. If I can remember what they are. I am starting to think I have something wrong with me. Tue, 11 Mar 2014 20:45:18 EST March 10, 2014 Almost noon and still in my pajamas. Flannel pajamas. But I did 40 minutes on my bike, in my flannel pajamas. Remember those plastic suits they have you wear when you exercise that were popular back in the day? They got nothing on flannel. lol <BR> <BR> I have been at this about a week straight now. Trying to create a spark streak to beat all spark streaks. Or at least any that I have had in the past couple of years. <BR> <BR> This time around I am finding it difficult to take the we... Mon, 10 Mar 2014 11:31:05 EST Sunday's count too. The salt and the lack of sleep yesterday and last night got me. Then a late night 10pm snack of tortilla chips with salsa did not help. <BR> <BR> The pharmacist bought our lunch yesterday. I had General Tso's chicken, rice and an egg roll. <BR> <BR> I ate too little in the morning and then after 2pm I ate way too much. So I am up this morning and we will rectify this with lots of water and more bike! Yes we will! <BR> <BR> I want a loss of at least 3 pounds for the week which oddly eno... Sun, 9 Mar 2014 07:05:41 EST 5 day streak. Up this am, weighed and rode bike 40 minutes, drinking water. 5th day in a row. Heading to work shortly for 8 hours of abuse...I mean serving the public. <BR> <BR> I think I could be down more weight if I could sleep better, but the last 2 nights I have woken up several times. What I wouldn't give for 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep. The most I ever get is about 6-6.5. <BR> <BR> I have the next 2 days off, they worry me. I don't have a very good track record on my days off. I will TRY,... Sat, 8 Mar 2014 08:22:01 EST Just all over the place. I've been exploring internally a lot this past year. WHY am I fat? Do I have hidden emotional issues? Am I an emotional eater? Do I just LOVE the tastes of foods? I have always tended to think that I was a food addict because I love the tastes of foods. Pizza. OMG I could eat pizza every day. Zesty meals. I don't do bland. I don't like just eating one food alone. I have to have a variety. <BR> <BR> I don't really know where I am going with this yet, I guess that is why when I blo... Fri, 7 Mar 2014 08:12:03 EST saying it out loud. Scale just barely moved this morning but at least it was down and not up. I have to say though I am a little bummed by it. <BR> <BR> I didn't eat many calories until I got home yesterday, then I had to stop myself from devouring the potato chips and dip. Dinner wasn't the greatest, Hamburger Helper and hot dogs in crescent rolls. Too many calories at one time. <BR> <BR> Water consumption was still quite high, am proud of that. No Reese's Eggs consumed in several days, MAJOR accomplishme... Thu, 6 Mar 2014 06:55:21 EST How early is it???? 5:15 am <BR> <BR> Up early to bike before work and Im about to die. SLEEEEEEEP. Got to get on my bike though, got to get these pounds OFF. Summer's coming and Ive had "inspiration clothes" for 2 years waiting on me. Wed, 5 Mar 2014 05:29:37 EST This has got to stop. Over the past month I bet I have restarted at least 4 times. I lose 2 pounds I gain back 3. *SCREAM*. I never had this much difficulty before. <BR> <BR> I MUST MUST MUST get back into the habit of exercising and not just relying on my movement at work. <BR> <BR> I must get back into meal planning and preparation. <BR> <BR> I must give up reese's cups when all I SEE are reese's cups. another *SCREAM* <BR> <BR> Sorry, vent and renewed....effort? Tue, 4 Mar 2014 07:12:34 EST here come 3 days off. Today starts a 3 day weekend for me. Which usually means a lot of Inactivity. I was try to overcome that. <BR> <BR> There are three little marbles in my pounds lost jar this morning. 3. hmm. Looks pretty insignificant. *visualizing 3 pounds of butter* OK that's a little better. <BR> <BR> I have a long way to go yet and I think I haven't really put that into perspective until recently. I was so caught up in my past success. I lost about 100 pounds and felt great, even though I was... Sat, 15 Feb 2014 09:32:49 EST Valentines Day Happy Happy! <BR> <BR> The past 2 nights my sleep has been horrible. At least my body isn't as sore today. I did squeak out another pound lost on the scale so another marble goes in the "lost" jar. (2) <BR> <BR> I am trying to talk myself into riding my bike this morning, even if it is just 10 minutes, and I have been picking up the kettle bell again these past couple of days. <BR> <BR> We went out to eat last night. I had a fish sandwich, fries and a salad, no soda, unsweetened tea. ... Fri, 14 Feb 2014 07:40:47 EST ocd? I must have some sort of OCD. This past week I went on a binge. I drank pop, ate pizza ate chips ate and ate and ate. I ate when I was full, I stayed full. I was in discomfort because I was so full. I had 4 days off in a row. Did I do anything productive? nope. I was bored. I filled my time with eating. No motivation, no drive. Just a need to stuff my face. <BR> <BR> I find that I go on these little "trips" where I NEED something. I used to play a lot of online spades. That was ... Wed, 12 Feb 2014 07:38:55 EST Evening things out So my goal for the rest of this week is to even things out and make last week's loss count. Get rid of the salt again, drink my water, exercise and reclaim my loss dangit! lol <BR> <BR> I have to go grab a bottle of water, and then get on my bike. So far 10 minutes is about all I can stand to do, but I have found it energizes me for work and my back doesn't hurt as bad while Im on my feet all day long. The program I do on the bike is all up hill. So the resistance gets harder with each ... Wed, 29 Jan 2014 06:47:35 EST Dont be discouraged. And the pounds come back. <BR> <BR> *sigh* <BR> <BR> Lose 8, 6 come back. Took the weekend "off". Could not make it to work, the weather was awful, made excuses and just plain did nothing. Ate not a lot, but ate salty things. Taco salad. Cheetos. uggh! Sugar free fruit punch instead of water. <BR> <BR> I have to truly believe that I have to eat to live, not live to eat. Why is it that we find comfort in food? Use food as rewards? <BR> <BR> Back to water. Back to work. Tue, 28 Jan 2014 08:32:44 EST Day 4 Snowin and Blowin Will I make it to work? Will I try? hmmm. <BR> <BR> SW Ohio and 17 miles of back roads. Dare I look out the window again? <BR> <BR> Barely lost a pound this morning. Ate some freakin cheese and hard salami last night with a big glass of milk. Did not eat bread. Figured I needed the protein and calcium though, just not the fat. <BR> <BR> 4 days with nary a mountain dew OR a reese's cup OR potato chips. My HUGE cravings. <BR> <BR> Stop thinking about it, thinking about it, thinking ab... Sat, 25 Jan 2014 05:50:12 EST Day 3 Well Im already doing 100 percent better than my last effort! haha <BR> <BR> Another day down. I must eat more today without binging. GOOD calories. <BR> <BR> Down another 2 pounds. It's mostly water, but it is at least in the right direction. <BR> <BR> I have a calendar I am keeping track on every day. Yeah I am an every morning weigher. I just have more accountability that way. Down 7, 36 pounds to go until my first goal of 299. Fri, 24 Jan 2014 05:33:57 EST Day 2 2014 Today I woke up and couldn't wait to get on the scale. I probably could have used some more sleep since I was up at least 3 times to go to the bathroom. Drinking all this water...ugggh! <BR> <BR> But hey I lost 5 pounds overnight. <BR> <BR> I exercised yesterday and my calories were very low. Too low I know this. It was not intentionally done I just worked late and did not want to eat at 10PM when I got home from work. <BR> <BR> I am going to try and stay away from BREAD. That being... Thu, 23 Jan 2014 07:55:44 EST 5 years Thanksgiving over <BR> Christmas over <BR> New years over <BR> Birthday over <BR> <BR> my life...if I don't kick it into gear it will be OVER. <BR> <BR> I need more energy, a better outlook on my life and job and to finally reach the 200's. That's my goals. <BR> <BR> I felt so much better when I exercised. I quit, got distracted with my grand daughter and I feel like shyt. <BR> <BR> I need a better outlook...hopefully this will come after I start feeling better. <BR> <BR> Reaching ... Wed, 22 Jan 2014 10:40:02 EST Happy New Year. Today's weigh in 337. Im feelin FAT. I haven't exercised or tracked anything in 2.5 months. Today I begin AGAIN. <BR> <BR> Gone are the old goals. Forgotten are the accomplishments I have lived off the glory of for 2 years. NEW goals, new Glory. <BR> <BR> Time to move on to the next step, the next 100, the next phase, the better me. Wed, 1 Jan 2014 08:44:19 EST my monday do over. After making a wonderfully fabulous start at the NEW me I lost 9 pounds. WHILE on my period. Then, I gained back 6. Most of the loss was water, most of the gain is again, water. <BR> <BR> Tonight the Biggest Loser starts back up. I am hoping for some inspiration. Thinking about moving my bike into the living room again instead of the back bedroom. Get it in my SIGHT. <BR> <BR> Must drink water, water, water. Slipped into the soda again, not a lot but some. <BR> <BR> The thing that p... Tue, 15 Oct 2013 08:49:33 EST Monday and off work This morning's weigh in is 322. I am down 9 pounds this month. Most of it is water from where I started over. Last night I slipped, well actually I was sort of mad and I went to McDonalds. I ate 3 cheeseburgers and a large sweet tea. Now those burgers are just tiny things but BAD I know. I still bet my calories were under for the day, and I stayed active all day, but still no real exercise. <BR> <BR> Looking back on past weigh ins I am at the exact same place I was a year ago. Just h... Mon, 7 Oct 2013 08:28:37 EST Friday, another new day to make a right choice. Down 2 more pounds. <BR> <BR> I have not re-incorporated exercise into the equation yet. I think what was discouraging me before was I wasn't seeing any change in the scale because I don't think I was eating enough for the exercise I was doing. My metabolism is all screwed up. It's very hard to figure up how many calories you really burn on an exercise bike, with multiple resistance levels for 30-40 minutes at 320 pounds. THEN, what if my body just got used to it? UGGG the variables! <B... Fri, 4 Oct 2013 07:54:14 EST 31 in 31 I was gone for a while. Was vacationing and just taking a break. Well before I left I was taking a mini break and well then I just fell completely off track. I was binging and eating until I was so stuffed I didn't want to move. Sugar and salt and soda. I know for 2 weeks I never had but maybe 1 bottle of water. SO I gained about 15 pounds in the past month. <BR> <BR> As of right now I am trying to have a new focus, new goals and new ME! I want to reach 299 badly!!! Yes 299 is a lot ... Thu, 3 Oct 2013 20:04:10 EST I cant achieve a set goal... Today my goal is about setting a goal and getting there. Makes perfect sense right? <BR> <BR> Drink 8 servings of water. That's it. Simple. Baby step. Starting again. Sun, 8 Sep 2013 08:36:11 EST Obviously going it alone wasnt working. I took about 3-4 weeks off from Sparking and being accountable. Frankly my excuses are... <BR> <BR> My back has been killing me, TOM hit me hard this month. I am getting older, my body is changing. Not just aches and pains but in other ways too. My personal life, not the greatest right now. Lots of worries and stress. My daughters boyfriend, the baby daddy decided he did not want to babysit when my daughter got a job, so I stepped in until we find someone and get things straightened ar... Mon, 12 Aug 2013 07:39:35 EST Got to moooove. No change in the scale this morning, blah! There should be dang it! lol <BR> <BR> I ate in my calories, did 30 mins on my bike, went to work for 6 hours, came home and ate a reasonable dinner, although it was canned soup (sodium???) a wheat bread sandwich with just the merest traces of peanut butter and low sugar jam and low fat cottage cheese. Then I walked 15 minutes on my treadmill. <BR> <BR> I went to turn the fan on on my treadmill, something I have never done and accidentally knock... Thu, 25 Jul 2013 08:17:23 EST Hump Day! This week I've been so fired up to do well and reach a new low. I've been exercising and logging everything down to the mustard packets! <BR> <BR> My work schedule has cooperated with me. I've had to go in at around noon all week. That gives me enough time to get in a work out without having to get up at the crack of dawn to do it. <BR> <BR> This week's goal is to lose 4+ pounds, so far I am down 2. *yay* <BR> <BR> I will have another role to play here soon. Babysitter. My grand da... Wed, 24 Jul 2013 08:26:02 EST Another Monday "Official Weigh In" 313. <BR> <BR> I do weigh myself every day and I record it on my tracker several times a week but MONDAY is the official Day. The day that I post on my Spark Page a weekly number. <BR> <BR> Yesterday I did not exercise. I did stay within my calories though, even though we went out to eat at LaRosa's Pizza for supper. <BR> <BR> I had the day off and I went out to the garage and worked on some crafts. I sweated. I don't LIKE to sweat. lol Well, I don't like to ju... Mon, 22 Jul 2013 08:11:30 EST Danger is my middle name.......ha. Craft Pics too Today is a danger day because there is no structure to it. I do not work therefore, there are no time restrictions. Like say for example if I know I have to go to work at noon. I know I have to leave at 11, start getting ready at 10 so exercise is at 9. <BR> <BR> Today I have the WHOLE day and that makes it dangerous for me because I can play all of these mind games with myself about "doing it later." <BR> <BR> I am going to the garage today though. We have a few craft shows coming up s... Sun, 21 Jul 2013 11:04:14 EST NEXT! If you are sort of following me you will know that I have been toying with the 100 pounds lost marker for quite some time. <BR> <BR> Today, this minute I have made a vow to leave it behind. It's just holding me up. <BR> <BR> I think in my mind I was just congratulating myself over and over again for losing THAT much weight, and being in a place I had not been in such a long time. Now it's time to move on and find a different place. Someplace where I've never been before. <BR> <BR> Sca... Sat, 20 Jul 2013 07:09:32 EST 713 That's how many calories I have to burn today to reach my weekly goal of 4200. I haven't met it since I set it. Good intensions......bahaha. <BR> <BR> Today I plan to meet it, although I must admit right now I am in the "fake it till you make it mode." <BR> <BR> Just trying to get up enough steam this morning to do it. <BR> <BR> Today's weigh in 314. Am at -100 (AGAIN). Probably like the 7th or 8th time I've hit it, to just float back out to sea for a time, until I rev up and do it all... Fri, 19 Jul 2013 07:56:30 EST Thank You Mickeymax :) Today it's hot here in southern Ohio. Hot and humid. Despite all of that I made a snowball. Maybe it was a tiny snowball, but tomorrow it'll be bigger, and tomorrow there will be more of them. <BR> <BR> I read Mickeymax's blog about how she's creating a snowball effect within her own life. That really got me thinking AND acting. <BR> <BR> I did not just stop with 30 minutes on my bike. After reading the strides she is making I decided to go for it just a little bit more today. <BR> <B... Thu, 18 Jul 2013 08:50:22 EST WOW~! WOW I've been analized and told I need help? lol ok. <BR> <BR> What I blogged about was just one tiny aspect of why I want to lose weight. I have blogged for nearly 3 years about various things. About wanting to be healthy for myself and my family, a better wife, to be more spontaneous and enjoy LIFE. To be a better grandmother to my new grandbaby than I perhaps was to my children because I could not be as active since I was bigger. <BR> <BR> I have also blogged about worries to my hea... Wed, 17 Jul 2013 08:21:19 EST Keepin it real Brutally honest. <BR> <BR> Everyone says they want to do this for themselves. Then there is living for their families and being a better mom/dad/wife/husband. <BR> <BR> But, to be honest that's not all. I want to look good and rub it into my ex husband's wife's face. Yes, I said it. I really did. <BR> <BR> LOL. My ex and I were divorced many years before he married this woman, in fact he is on his 3rd wife and I was #1. <BR> <BR> I have no feelings for this man. NONE. Nada. I tota... Tue, 16 Jul 2013 21:15:19 EST 7-15-13 Time. Half way through July. <BR> <BR> Time to set a goal and stick with it. My weight has went back up to 322 this morning. I have fallen back into the bad habit of pop and sugar and sandwiches and hardly any exercise. <BR> <BR> I have to get back to doing the math. Calories in vs those burned. What's it going to take each and every day to get to a goal? <BR> <BR> Goal set is 299. Time to get there, by Sept 23rd. 10 weeks 23 pounds. 2.3 pounds a week. <BR> <BR> I can not get there if I ... Mon, 15 Jul 2013 10:39:52 EST Aint it funny... That as soon as I set a goal to exercise at least 30 minutes every day this week...I no longer had the drive to do it? <BR> <BR> I don't know maybe it was TOM showing up and making my whole body ache, maybe it was seeing the scale rise because of water weight AND bad food choices. <BR> <BR> MAYBE I just have something wrong with me in my head that is working against me? <BR> <BR> My work schedule has been all over the place, mornings...nights...blah! I have slipped into soda again, but no... Fri, 12 Jul 2013 07:41:39 EST 7-8-13 Monday. Accountability Day. Weight gets recorded. Crap! lol <BR> <BR> Today's weight 319. TOM is here. So I am just going to work through it and come out of this smelling like a rose for next week right? <BR> <BR> My water and exercise has been kind of here and there. This past weekend I had a family reunion and had to drive over 300 miles in a day. <BR> <BR> My goal is to exercise at least 30 minutes every day this week. This is day 2 (according to spark). I am up. I am almost re... Mon, 8 Jul 2013 06:24:26 EST