ROADTO145LBS's SparkPeople Blog ROADTO145LBS's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Nonsensical vent i've been doing ok, recouping for surgery. No cardio is do-able at this time, other than walking which I can only do at about a snails pace so nothing really recordable. But, I have been doing some stretching/upper body things. And I have gotten really tight with my eating over the past few days. It's not 100% because it's virtually impossible to do that when I'm not cooking for myself all the time but it's pretty much 95%. <BR> <BR> Being isolated for this long has really made my mind wand... Wed, 10 Apr 2013 13:36:46 EST Reset button. Challenges. That's what life is all about. It's about being faces with adversity and seeing if you can rise to the challenge. <BR> <BR> I'm one week out from surgery to repair my lateral meniscus. My right knee is immobolized, making it hard to get around and even harder to do any form of exercise. I had a rough week because of this. My identity is exercise. That's what I do! That's who I am! And when faced with the inability to do the things i love to do (running, crossfit, spinning), I fe... Sun, 7 Apr 2013 12:03:47 EST Silver lining Today's Weight: 175 <BR> Today's Mood: Optimistic <BR> <BR> Silver living of hurting my knee and being unable to do cardio. <BR> <BR> I need to stay super tight with my diet, which is significantly easier when i don't have to worry about getting in enough calories for my workout. Luckily, I find out the results of my MRI today. Which I feel like is the deciding factor in a lot of my choices over the next few months. Will I run that half marathon? Can I do the spartan or color run? Is cross... Tue, 26 Mar 2013 07:45:35 EST Injured, physically and emotionally. Yesterday, I tore my lateral meniscus on my right knee when I was running and landed on a fully extended knee, full force. It hurts and I can barely walk. Luckily, I work for orthopedists so I'm in good hands. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> My immediate reaction was to go into panic mode. I can't exercise!? How am I going to lose weight?! What if it doesn't get better soon!? Why does this always happen to me?! <BR> <BR> I can be a ... Fri, 22 Mar 2013 10:45:43 EST Lame excuses I drew up this goal pyramid last night after reading about it's construction in Jillian Michael's "Unlimited". I think a lot of us know that we need to break out big goal down into smaller, less daunting goals. The idea of losing 10lbs vs. 30lbs seems more do-able. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> My goals are nothing short of attainable. I have walked this road before. I have lost the weight before and I had lived the life I so despe... Wed, 20 Mar 2013 19:57:46 EST I'm hoping it'll be worth it for my emotional health Man, she looks amazing! I saw her on the finale of the biggest loser and my jaw practically dropped. She has come a LOOOOONG way. I look at her before and after and I desperately try to not become sad or angry at myself. I don't have anywhere near as far of a road to go as she has gone and yet somehow, I've managed to not follow through for the past decade. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I know it's not about comparsions and that's th... Tue, 19 Mar 2013 20:45:50 EST Stop. Over. Thinking. It. I sat in the parking lot of the gym today for about 10 minutes. I had driven to the gym from work this morning and I was exhausted from not sleeping well last night as well as having eaten breakfast 4 hours previously. I was starving and i had no snacks in the car (poor planning on my part, I know) <BR> <BR> And i just sat in the parking lot. The car was still on and my hand was on the gear shift, ready to put the car in reverse and go home. "But, I ran 8 miles yesterday, I deserve a break"... Sun, 17 Mar 2013 14:28:37 EST Fat. i am a much better endurance athlete than I am with strength or sprints. I did about 8 miles today and that workout made me feel strong and powerful. The more I really delve into myself and what drives me, the more i realize, I may be a slow starter but I am a strong finisher. I'm much happier running 8 miles than doing 30 minutes of sprint training. Why? Who knows but, it's these types of challenges that will drive me forward and make me better. <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkp... Sat, 16 Mar 2013 11:36:19 EST Finding the common ground. Self awareness is hard. Taking a good long look in the mirror and being honest with myself, it's been a tough week because of this. <BR> <BR> I am an excuse queen. I find any excuse not to get things done and to make myself feel better about not getting them done. But that's only made me unhappy. It's a miserable existence. Not only do I feel bad for not getting things done but the mere act of making excuses makes me feel bad about myself. <BR> <BR> I gain strength from proving myself wron... Fri, 15 Mar 2013 20:47:25 EST Crossing bridges....too soon I hate being sick. And I hate that i've used that as an excuse to not work out for the past 2 days. I know there's a fine line because dedication and stupidity. Dedication is working out regardless of excuses or reasons. Stupidity is working out when you shouldn't because it will actually hinder your goals. I'm not sure i've figured out which route I went-- dedication of taking care of myself globally or stupidity of finding an excuse to not use everyday to each my goals. <BR> <BR> Regardle... Tue, 12 Mar 2013 20:46:34 EST I will earn my body. Today wasn't such a great day. I've been under the weather. I left work early and I did not work out because (1) I need a rest day after pushing my body so hard last week and (2) I do not feel well and can't breathe out of my nose. <BR> <BR> Unfortunately, the result was me coming home and basically eating my entire kitchen. I mean, how does my mind justify eating SO much food by saying: "well, it is paleo." That doesn't matter Lori! I know that's just a piss more excuse and I won't let tha... Mon, 11 Mar 2013 19:18:25 EST Fitness doesn't just happen, you make it happen! I'm actually impressed with myself. The alarm went off at 7am so I could work out before going out to the city today....AND I ACTUALLY GOT UP! <BR> <BR> Wait, what am I talking about? Of course i got up! I am an athlete, I am a fighter, I am a survivor. I will not be defeated by negative self talk. I will not be told I'm not strong enough, dedicated enough, fit enough. I got up to work out because exercise is my therapy. Because it is part of my life. Because, I have a personal goal that ab... Sat, 9 Mar 2013 08:32:58 EST Putting in the effort. Mixed bag today. I did some interval training which did leave me winded. It was only 30 minutes but I did work up a sweat. I feel like every time i work out, I am learning to push myself harder. And I kept telling myself: "If you're not sweating, you're not working hard enough". I think that's what's going to get me through to the next level. I started on the treadmill at 5.7 and worked up to 7.0....usually i start at 5.0. I'm learning, I need to just go for it. Start at 6.0 and work myself u... Fri, 8 Mar 2013 22:19:58 EST NOT my fault. Today was extremely difficult for me. And so today, I lean on Vince Lombardi's words: "It's not whether you get knocked down; it's whether you get back up" <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Today was a life lesson of who to trust and who not to trust. It was a realization that some of the people in my life are not good people for me and that some people may be good but may not be good for me. My immediate response in these situations is ... Thu, 7 Mar 2013 20:31:47 EST Thin, strong, proud. I feel good about myself. I feel like i got a drive. Like, I'm focused on my goal and ready to get it done. I have so many reasons to accomplish this goal ranging from my own personal health, to feeling better, to seeing a guy in a few months, to running my half marathon, to doing the Spartan race in a few months. I'm ready to stop complaining about being unhappy and start working on the things that will make me happy. <BR> <BR> Workouts should not be easy. They should be sweat producing an... Wed, 6 Mar 2013 19:29:05 EST Heading in the right direction I was out for 70 minutes today. I made 6 miles within that time. I had to stop and walk quite a bit but considering I haven't ran outside in....ages, I am proud of that. Here's the thing, I may not be here I want to be but every decision I make can either get me closer to where I want to be or it can take me further away from where I want to be. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> And with that realization, I am making the commitment to ... Tue, 5 Mar 2013 18:53:08 EST Opening your heart... Another really good date with a guy who is treating me so nicely, it makes me nervous. <BR> <BR> Now really, what does that say about me that I get nervous when someone treats me nicely? Like, I don't know how to react or handle it because i'm not used to it. I mean, he opens the car door, he bought me flowers...he doesn't attack me or immediately go in "for the kill" and try to make out with me. He is a genuinely nice guy. And that makes me nervous. Yes, partially because i'm not used to b... Wed, 27 Feb 2013 23:16:26 EST I can. Man, my run sucked today. If I can even call it a run. But, I did 20 minutes before i pooped out so I'm going to take my 20 minutes and be happy with it. <BR> <BR> I'm really trying to focus on the positive. And no longer the negative. I'm trying to turn my "I can't"s into "I can!"s. The only reason i can't is because i tell myself i can't. There's no other reason. <BR> <BR> So, I take it one step at a time. I don't beat myself up for slip ups and mess ups and I keep going. One foot in fr... Tue, 26 Feb 2013 21:08:42 EST Getting out of my own way Talk about being my own worst enemy! <BR> <BR> I've started seeing this guy, Orlando (not exclusively but we've been hanging out). And he's really nice and really in shape and truthfully, I talk a big game around him about my running and crossfit...mostly to impress him. I don't think I flat out lie to him about my abilities, just may be embellish a bit. Maybe tell him I'm capable of doing things i did 6 months ago when I was in better shape. <BR> <BR> In any event, he wanted to work out ... Sun, 24 Feb 2013 23:17:03 EST Told you so! I sell myself short. All the time. <BR> <BR> For instance, I've been consistently running for....the last 9 years of my life, about. During that time, I have run many races and have been overall successful with my results. However, I continue to tell myself that: <BR> <BR> (1) I'm not a runner <BR> (2) I'm not meant to run faster than a 10 minute mile...and at that, I usually run about a 12 minute mile <BR> (3) i'm better at endurance than strength/speed <BR> <BR> But what are those sente... Sat, 23 Feb 2013 10:35:25 EST Everyone starts somewhere.... Man, it's been really hard to get myself back on track with healthy eating and exercises. And the worst part is, I don't know why! I LIKE eating healthy. I like cooking healthy foods and exploring great recipes and ingredients. And I like exercise. I like pushing myself and sweating. So, what's the problem?!? <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Self sabotage. Spurred on by my lack of self worth. That in a nutshell. <BR> <BR> See, I didn'... Fri, 22 Feb 2013 18:52:30 EST