RISINGBLUESTAR's SparkPeople Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=RISINGBLUESTAR RISINGBLUESTAR's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community SparkPeople.com http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ That's not good advice.... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5987183 <em>41</em> <BR> <BR> <BR> The bad advice =Weigh yourself every day. <BR> <BR> Why it is bad advice: It can be extremely discouraging. That sounds like a bad reason to coin getting on the scale every morning as bad advice but it's easy to become obsessed with numbers and not progress. Making on healthy choice slowly begins to make a chain reaction, you make a healthy choice so then you make another healthy choice. <BR> <BR> What happens next is you get on the scale and then you get ... Sun, 30 Aug 2015 02:58:11 EST First day back at the gym after months http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5983559 A while ago, I got an injury that caused excruciating pain for months but today, I wanted to go to the gym. Actually, I wanted to go for a while but didn't bring myself to it until tonight. Plus, today was finally the day I felt well enough. <BR> <BR> Returning to the gym is intimidating. 👀The anticipation is the worst. Beyond that, it was fine. It was a bit crowded but instead of leaving, I just focus on details like that woman has blonde, curly hair. That guys shoes are black and green... Mon, 24 Aug 2015 02:03:38 EST The doctor..... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5983052 On Friday, I was up early and spent time getting ready to go to the specialist. I was about to walk out of the door and then emotions took over and I ended up not even going. When you are told by so many doctors to lose weight and eat just eat nothing but vegetables, your standards for other doctors start slipping away. I know the doctor deserved a fair chance but I don't know what came over me. <BR> <BR> I could kick myself for not going. Now I might have to wait months but it's my own fau... Sun, 23 Aug 2015 08:55:06 EST Doctors are bad news.....(some of them anyway!) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5981346 On Friday, I am suppose to go see a reproductive endocrinologist because the other specialists decided that might be best. <BR> <BR> The first endocrinologist I ever saw was when I was 21 and he was such a jerk! He told me nothing was wrong and that calories don't "come from the air." I told him he was an a$$ and to get out so I could get dressed. He said he would only run two tests and his office staff was rude when it came to calling. <BR> <BR> Then, I told my PCP and she said "What do ... Thu, 20 Aug 2015 08:05:37 EST Body shaming, plus size youtubers and clothes! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5977661 Good morning everyone! <BR> <BR> Today, I want to talk about body shaming. Everyone gets body shamed, thin or fat and it's ridiculous. Overweight people do not need to be told that it's unhealthy to have extra weight but that's not the main problem. The main problem is people thinking that overweight people shouldn't feel happy or confident and they should just live in shame until they're healthy or ideal. <BR> <BR> Part of health is having good mental well being and that includes confid... Fri, 14 Aug 2015 06:16:50 EST Staying optimistic despite weight gain http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5974018 Hey everyone! Hope your path to health is going well! <em>41</em> <BR> <BR> Speaking of health, there is so much I need to do to work on mine. There has been pain and other stuff that got in the way but It's time to begin trying again. <em>474</em> <BR> <BR> First of all, the weight is not where I want it to be. It's funny because when you are 20 pounds or 40 pounds lighter, you think that nothing is working and you just wish you could lose that 20 or 40lbs. Then you may gain weight... Sat, 8 Aug 2015 06:28:46 EST Falling off/Getting back on the wagon! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5879825 First of all, I am sorry I haven't been keeping up with blogs and progress. It wasn't intentional. Hope you are all doing well! <BR> <BR> Somehow, I fell off of the wagon and really hitting the ground wasn't and has not been pretty! Part of it was not caring to be around too many people. Another aspect was having health issues makes more than just health a difficulty. For example, my sister would always put a lot of pressure on me to go at a certain time and since I am unable to drive (not ... Sat, 21 Feb 2015 09:47:55 EST November, weight frustrations. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5813727 Can't believe November is here! It's not cold here but people are sick.mSo glad I got the flu shot. <BR> <BR> There is good news and bad news. The good news is that I am not diabetic and currently am not anemic (barely). <BR> <BR> The bad news is my weight is not going anywhere. It has went up and it's really upsetting. A friend of mine is diabetic and she eats bad stuff. She has been making frequent trips to the campus Starbucks and getting a drink that is saturated in carbs and sugars b... Sun, 9 Nov 2014 17:38:49 EST Anxiety http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5780897 I have been really trying to not have so much anxiety. Sometimes, it works and sometimes, it doesn't. Talk about trying everything. Chamomile, green tea, passionflower, etc. of course, I have tried more conventional treatments too. One medication that I wouldn't recommend to anyone and another one that does help but not always. Well, medicine isn't a miracle worker. There are also mindful meditation techniques and deep breathing. I guess it helps sometimes but not always. Also, avoiding caffe... Tue, 16 Sep 2014 10:08:40 EST Just rambling http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5780101 There is less than 2 weeks before classes start. I am not a happy camper about it either. I should be looking a little forward to my classes but the only thing I hope is that the guy who always smiles is in at least one of my classes. <BR> <BR> My sleep is all backwards and I have a little bit of pain in my back. I tried going to the gym early on Sunday but had to leave after 35 minutes. Didn't sleep the night before. Oh well. It was too hot and this was a bad week for getting to the gym. I... Mon, 15 Sep 2014 07:23:24 EST The plan & puppy update. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5773084 The plan: <BR> 1. Keep a food journal. Track all calories. More importantly, keep track of carbohydrates. <em>475</em> <BR> <BR> 2. Keep away from dairy and wheat ( because of likely food allergies, not to restrict. <em>4</em> <BR> <BR> 3. Cardio and weight training a minimum of 4 days per week. <BR> <em>23</em> <BR> <BR> 4. Get sleep on track. This should be number 1. It is the first priority. <BR> <em>102</em> <BR> <BR> 5. Write 3 positive things that happen every day... Thu, 4 Sep 2014 06:10:48 EST Everyone belongs in the gym! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5767850 No matter what size you are, you belong in the gym. It doesn't matter if you weigh 100 lbs or 500 lbs. Don't allow others to make you feel uncomfortable while working toward your goals! Unfortunately, there will always be jerks but if they have a problem with your presence at the gym, your body or anything about you, that us THEIR issue, not yours. The purpose of a gym is not just for fit people to stay fit or thin people to stay thin. <em>315</em> <BR> <BR> Luckily, there are some reall... Wed, 27 Aug 2014 06:57:52 EST New puppy http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5764675 <em>338</em> I am trying to get a pic of the new puppy up but it keeps appearing upside down! She can get on kitchen chairs herself and she is a ball of energy. She is mostly black with some white. I can't wait until I can get the pic right! <BR> <BR> :) Fri, 22 Aug 2014 04:46:51 EST Stuff I hate! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5763375 Nothing seems to help my thyroid issues. No matter how healthy I eat, how much I cut down or how intense my workouts are. The doctors frustrate me even more. I shouldn't have to feel nervous or worry about going. If the blood tests show up normal than it's my fault. Plus the PCOS. It just makes me want to scream. It's like your emotions become a hurricane. I used to be okay with my body before these issues. Now, I wish I could be where I was at before with my weight. Before these stupid issue... Wed, 20 Aug 2014 07:41:31 EST New scale! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5759405 Thanks for all your comments on my previous blog!! Bought a new scale. I like the Taylor brands and this one has a wide platform. I had a Taylor scale before and it lasted for 7 years. I have a health-o-meter one but it's all over the place. <BR> <BR> Of course, my weight is something to work on because the number is nowhere where I want it to be but I have been going to the gym and am working hard so I am excited to see the numbers go down. <BR> <BR> There was a girl and dad at the gym a... Thu, 14 Aug 2014 07:01:09 EST Made my appointment... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5757893 Made my appointment and am waiting for test results for my thyroid. My appt is not until Sept. And I asked for the other doctor so we will see how it goes. I was in pain today but it subsided enough for me to go and workout. Now, if only those darn numbers on the scale would go down. <em>15</em> <BR> <BR> Mon, 11 Aug 2014 22:42:56 EST Thyroid problems http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5756703 Don't think my thyroid is doing so well. I just had blood work done and I have to make an appointment with the endocrinologist. He stresses me out. I maintained my weight for 4 years, even losing some and then in November, he blamed this condition on me! It took me a long time to get a diagnosis. I don't have access to my results this time around. Don't feel like explaining. I have gained a lot of weight since November because I quit exercising for a while. When the doctor blamed me, unfortun... Sun, 10 Aug 2014 05:30:36 EST Breaking up and making up with friends http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5755502 A couple months ago, I "broke up" with a friend. She expects me to just accept that she is always busy. She was very busy before she had a boyfriend ( now fiancé) and when I asked her a few questions, she couldn't give direct answers and just said she was "super busy." I have given her many chances over the years and every time I try to resolve a conflict, I end up being the villain. I got sick of it. She is going to have her hands full anyway. Her wedding is coming up in a few months, she wi... Fri, 8 Aug 2014 02:49:56 EST Summer http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5747626 <em>298</em> <BR> Wishing everyone a healthy summer! Don't forget sunscreen! <BR> <BR> <em>91</em> Drink plenty of water and make sure to stay hydrated! <BR> <BR> <BR> :) Sun, 27 Jul 2014 16:29:39 EST The worst medication ever! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5732731 This blog is about a medication that was suppose to help with depression and anxiety. Well, it didn't. It was awful. The problem is the doctor wanted to try mood stabilizers. The first one numbed me out and partially sedated me. My brain felt all tingly. I gained 8 lbs taking that so then the doctor wanted to try another mood stabilizer. Now, this medication works for so many people and that is wonderful but it was a nightmare for me. Personally, I feel the doctor was trying to treat a disord... Sat, 5 Jul 2014 21:07:23 EST Support isn't support anymore. Not even on SP. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5720298 Weight loss is about much more than shedding pounds. It's about emotions and going through roller coasters. Some people share more than others and that's fine. Some people share because it helps them. I have always been there for people who had depression and anxiety badly. I remember this one member (she has changed her Spark name a few times now. She hit all time lows with her depression and I was always there trying to give an encouraging word. When I felt bad, her comments were nowhere to... Wed, 18 Jun 2014 01:27:14 EST Finding the right counselor is hard!! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5712372 Warning: This blog discusses god. Just letting you know in case you want to skip it. I believe and nobody can take that away from me! No rude comments either! <BR> <BR> I had a scary experience with asthma that scared me. In a way, it's a good thing because it made me more grateful but in a way, it's not such a good thing. Anyway, my counselor is leaving and she is trying to find someone else for me to work with. My one request is that they believe in God. It matters to me. Another counselo... Fri, 6 Jun 2014 21:55:33 EST Weight and a school& stuff http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5703378 NOTE: Ignore all of the grammar errors. When you are tired, it happens. :) <BR> <BR> <BR> I began taking some meds that were suppose to be weight neutral but I gained some weight. Weight that I worked hard to get off. It stinks but I will just have to try to get it back off. <BR> <BR> Dumb friends. I am tired of people not being as courteous to me as I have been to them. They are always "super busy." It's fun y because one of them was super busy but when a boyfriend came along, she had pl... Mon, 26 May 2014 09:18:35 EST Thank you! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5672374 Thanks to everyone who sent bday wishes!! :) Mon, 14 Apr 2014 21:55:35 EST Worries r getting to me today and it makes me feel a little selfish! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5662005 Worries are especially getting to me today. Tomorrow, I go back to school and have always doubted my choices. I am not good at the things that would be practical and worry that I am setting myself up for doom. It sounds so ridiculous out loud. I can be positive for an hour or a day or if I am luck, a week. It is so hard to deal with and explain to people who don't go through it. My friend is almost done with her classes and then will go into credential courses and become a teacher. We both a... Tue, 1 Apr 2014 18:46:20 EST People change + my new activity! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5659067 **WARNING: In this blog, God is discussed as are "signs." If you do not believe in those things, here is your chance to leave. I am warning you out of respect, not out of judgment. <BR> <BR> <BR> Earlier, I was missing my friends. Well, the friends they used to be. It's not the same anymore. It's a long winded story. Of course people change but I miss the long chats we used to have. <em>39</em> <BR> <BR> It's normal for people to change and for changes to occur in our lives but it's t... Sat, 29 Mar 2014 05:36:43 EST Time to get back on track!!! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5654330 I don't know how I fell off the wagon but I fell off and crashed into the ground while trying to treat anxiety and it's hard to get the train back on the tracks but here's to trying!! <BR> <BR> My plan: <BR> -sleep well <BR> -water , water, water <BR> - try to eat mostly natural things & avoid dairy (I am actually allergic to dairy, not just intolerant--allergic.) <BR> -workout by walking & hitting the gym <BR> -stress less---it solves nothing anyway!!! <BR> <BR> <BR> Reasons for wa... Sun, 23 Mar 2014 04:08:40 EST UPDATE about dog attack http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5651234 My dog is doing better. She is beginning to get her personality back. She is done with her antibiotics and happy about it. She is not fond of her stitches but she is healing well. <BR> <BR> The other dog has been reported. The owners were upset and the main owner of the dog said she was upset that we "turned on our word." We never promised anything. That dog is a danger and my poor angel was hurt because of her. I don't care that they're upset. I don't want anyone else getting hurt. <BR> ... Wed, 19 Mar 2014 01:37:38 EST Walk gone wrong! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5645012 On Saturday, my family and I were going for a walk, we had a good day and just thought it would be a good idea! Wrong! As we were walking, a dog got out of its house, came flying across the street and attacked my dog. <em>46</em> The dog picked my dog up, shook her around and bit her! my dog was on a leash and my sister tried to pick her up as quickly as she could but it was too late. My dog did survive but she is badly injured. She had to get stitches and tubes in place. She had to get... Tue, 11 Mar 2014 03:02:32 EST Stupid weight http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5640849 I am really irritated. Every time I lose weight, I can't keep it off. Before I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism and pros, I weighed 214-218 pounds. That was in 2010 and it was after losing 30 lbs. I went to a dr app In March and the scale said 218 pounds. Then in May, the scale said 278 lbs. I was asked over and over if my eating habits changed but they were the same. In 2011, I finally got my diagnoses. Fast forward to May of 2013. I weighed in at 279.5. By October, I was down to around 258... Wed, 5 Mar 2014 22:22:10 EST March is almost here. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5631104 Hello everyone. :) Hope all is going well with you. I am doing okay. Little by little, I am trying not to allow worries to get the best of me. I am learning some strategies but it is still definitely a struggle. That is okay though. Not everything in life is suppose to be easy. <BR> <BR> The doctor gave me some medicine that helps but we are staying away from anything stronger for now since he sees improvements. He doesn't want to see me again for quite a while but I asked him what if I nee... Sat, 22 Feb 2014 19:45:50 EST Swelling throat and other things.. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5621721 My throat is swelling even more and has white patches. I threw up this morning and the hacking cough is still here. Now, a very intense migraine has come to join the other things. Blah! <BR> <BR> The doctor at the student health center said it could be X Y or Z. She gave me a Z pack in case it's bacterial but said it could be viral. I don't know. Something NASTY is going around! <BR> <BR> The doctor said if I can get stress levels down and sleep better, then my body will be able to heal ... Tue, 11 Feb 2014 20:24:44 EST Coughs are everywhere! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5619986 Germs have found me! It started out with a sinus infection last month. Took the medicine but now the germs are back and stronger than ever. My throat is so sore. Worst sore throat ever. It is swollen on the left side too and it looks gross. There are white patches where it is swollen and red streaks and a hacking cough has joined the sore throat. Being asthmatic and having a cough is painful. I don't know if it's bronchitis, step throat, or what. I will be visiting the student health center ... Mon, 10 Feb 2014 02:33:18 EST 2/6 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5617046 With the anxiety and depression I struggle with, I don't know how I manage to get to school and get through the day. Well, sometimes, I'll skip a class here or there and I haven't been studying at all but still managed to get a 90 out of 100 on an exam. <BR> <BR> I was talking to a friend from middle school the other day. She said our friendship isn't over just because we went to different schools. She withdrew from the university a while ago and then went to a career college for nursing but... Thu, 6 Feb 2014 15:20:07 EST Dumb session! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5615105 Yesterday afternoon, I went to a counseling session and it really upset me. <BR> <BR> It started out fine but then she told me she doesn't think she can help me unless I take medicine. The first medication did nothing and the doctor is working with mood stabilizers, not anti-depressants because he thinks that's the ticket. Anyway, they want to try me on a low dose of Lithium and it's not something I want to stick in my body. The counselor told me that I need to trust in the doctor and that ... Tue, 4 Feb 2014 15:04:06 EST Feeling torn/could use a friend... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5613608 It's kind of late tonight. My head is filled with many thoughts about what to do. The level of anxiety and depression I go through is making things extremely difficult. (See a couple of blogs back for more info.) <BR> <BR> Tomorrow is Monday and Monday is a class day for me. I literally have to drag myself there. There is no motivation for me to go. It just feels like I am going through the motions. The other students enjoy being there or at least seem very motivated and have their eye on a... Mon, 3 Feb 2014 03:17:08 EST ABC http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5612686 A is for Age: 24 <BR> <BR> B is for Booze: none. Don't like the taste, the smell, none of it. <BR> <BR> C is for Car: None yet. One day. One day. :) <BR> <BR> D is for Dad's name: Starts with a D and isn't Dave. Don't want to share anyone's name without their permission. Privacy is important. :) <BR> <BR> E is for Ego: How about down to earth instead? We all have a little bit of an ego but too much of one, no thanks! <BR> <BR> F is for Favorite song or music: Country! :) <BR> <BR> ... Sun, 2 Feb 2014 01:43:58 EST Giant monster/I don't want to go to school anymore! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5612230 I have had stress and fears for a long time now. It started out with a little fear and the fear grew and grew and grew and now it swallows me whole like a giant monster. <BR> <BR> Yesterday, I was at school and in between classes, I went to the library and ended up having an "attack." I just found a corner desk to sit at and cry. I can't control the anxiety. We tried medicine it doesn't work and I'm not trying what the next suggestion was. <BR> <BR> I had to call my mom and sister to come... Sat, 1 Feb 2014 15:21:23 EST thyroid medicine price increase. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5610549 My thyroid medicine is now $12 more than before. I have no idea why but I am really bummed out about it. I know it may not seem like much to most people but it's a big deal to me. <em>39</em> <BR> <BR> The dosage or quantity didn't change at all! <em>40</em> <BR> <BR> That's life I guess. <BR> <BR> Beware thyroid patients. Your medication may be a pricier this month too! <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Thu, 30 Jan 2014 20:10:50 EST Note I wrote last night.. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5609342 Here is something I wrote last night when I was feeling a little better. I don't know if I will believe this note all the time but I thought it would be good to write it out. <BR> <BR> Before you believe in yourself, your heart has to heal from whatever pain it has endured. If you are still living with the pain and hurting, moving forward comes to a halt. Sometimes, we don't realize that we are hurting or we may not know the cause. Maybe we do know the cause and just don't know how to not h... Wed, 29 Jan 2014 15:22:11 EST Don't know about this doctor part 2 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5609158 I talked to my mom about the medication the doctor wants to give me and we don't think it's a good idea. It is one thing to be willing to try medication but it is another to go straight to one of the strongest medications out there. Of course I want to feel better but I do not want to feel drugged. <em>40</em> <BR> <BR> Maybe it's not medication that is the answer. Maybe it's the way I perceive the world as scary and terrifying instead of challenging and adventurous. <em>40</em> I wil... Wed, 29 Jan 2014 12:20:19 EST Don't know about this doctor... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5608407 I am a bit frustrated. Spent a good amount of time writing a blog, was about to post it and then it somehow, it disappeared into cyberspace. It said everything I needed it to say. <BR> <BR> Guess I will work on it again later. <BR> <BR> For now, I'll just keep it short. <BR> <BR> Saw the doctor today. He wants to change my medication because the current one is not helping. <BR> <BR> I am not too pleased though. He wants to go straight to a heavy duty mood stabilizing drug. <BR> <BR>... Tue, 28 Jan 2014 16:18:24 EST Need new friends. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5605829 Talked to a friend tonight. Learned more about her engagement. It's nice that things are going well for her. That is a genuine statement. At the same time, something bothers me. <BR> <BR> I have known her for 10+ years and feel like an outsider. I may hear from her here and there once in a while. She says she is always busy. She was "super busy" BEFORE she had a boyfriend. Then, this past summer, she gets together with this guy and he is accepted easily with open arms by her family. He mus... Sun, 26 Jan 2014 03:39:50 EST Feeling a little better today! :) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5605431 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/3/4/l343025748.jpg"> <BR> <BR> Today is going well so far. <em>41</em> Someone my age was talking to me and going through a similar struggle as me, except she is keeping positive. It made me feel better. <em>41</em> <BR> <BR> Went for a walk and listened to my new country CD. I am very happy with the purchase and love all the songs! <em>41</em> Music is very therapeutic. <em>335</em> <BR> <BR> <BR> Thank you for all the messages... Sat, 25 Jan 2014 15:57:54 EST Giving up/Don't care anymore! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5604436 I don't care about losing weight anymore. I don't care about school anymore. Nothing good will come of any effort put forth anyway. It's all pointless. Nobody can help to make me feel better. Not family, not a counselor, not myself, nobody! <BR> <BR> It doesn't matter if you're a good person or if you're heart is pure. Trying does not matter. What matters is being liked and well accepted. And of course, those of us who struggle with that MUST BE PROJECTING something....right? Some people ar... Fri, 24 Jan 2014 13:20:22 EST She's getting married! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5602680 My friend is engaged. The date is set for the end of the year. I don't know all the details yet. She is suppose to call later. <BR> <BR> This is the only boyfriend she has ever had and she just started getting to know him this past summer. She knew him (not really but knew who he was) a few years before that. <BR> <BR> I can't tell you if I like him or not because I still haven't met him. All I know is he must be something special in her family's eyes. He got the seal of approval pretty q... Wed, 22 Jan 2014 19:50:14 EST Don't know what to do anymore... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5596901 All of this anxiety and depression is getting to me. I go to the counseling center. I saw the Psychiatrist and he gave me medicine but it's not helping yet. It's extremely hard for me to be at school. Wednesday, I left early. I sat at a table and cried until my sister got there. I don't know if I can even make it through today. What's the point of going to school if I don't have a goal with it anyway? Get a degree and still be stuck in life? Seems pointless to me? Don't go to school and still... Fri, 17 Jan 2014 11:10:47 EST Depressed & not exercising anymore... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5591250 Feeling depressed. Still missing my old self and feeling like I'll never find her. Ugh. I just feel like I am getting nowhere in life at all. I don't have a job and it's not exactly easy finding one either and it just makes me feel like crap. It makes me feel worthless especially for my age. I never had a job and it's the only thing I want. I have not been picky either. Will anyone ever give me a chance? My sister and I volunteered at a library and our work was praised but when a library pag... Sun, 12 Jan 2014 13:44:28 EST Sick :( http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5582045 I haven't been feeling well for the last few days but today, it was awful. <em>24</em> <em>527</em> Honestly, I believe I stressed out so badly that it took a toll on my body. <BR> <BR> Stress is very damaging. I hate it. Worry solves nothing but my mind still tends to go there. Sometimes, I can manage to relax but then the next day, the anxiety comes back like a hurricane. <BR> <BR> I don't deal with uncertainty very well at all and that is what gets to me and the same stuff I wrot... Sat, 4 Jan 2014 15:49:52 EST How to enjoy warm apple pie without eating it! :) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5578437 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/3/l1388980259.jpg"> <BR> <BR> Apple pie =delicious but way too many calories. Still, having the aroma lingering throughout the house is comforting. Pie is tempting but no worries. There is a way to enjoy warm apple pie without an apple pie even being anywhere around! <em>224</em> <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/4/4/l449374671.jpg"> <BR> <BR> Candles are a great way to have the comforting aromas and not only do yo... Wed, 1 Jan 2014 19:24:57 EST