REXTINE1's SparkPeople Blog REXTINE1's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community 70 Minute Walk <img src=""> Tue, 22 Jul 2014 10:47:23 EST Great Excuses <img src=""> Wed, 16 Jul 2014 18:44:06 EST Texas The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, “Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don’t you see that sign right over your head.” <BR> “Yep,” he replied. “That’s why I’m dumpin’ it here, ‘cause it says: ‘Fine For Dumping Garbage.’” <BR> <BR> <BR> Mon, 14 Jul 2014 19:40:14 EST Tennessee A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. The trooper asked, “Got any ID?” <BR> The driver replied, “Bout whut?” <BR> <BR> Sat, 12 Jul 2014 16:53:01 EST North Carolina A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait. <BR> A passerby studied the scene as he drove by, and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was. <BR> The man replied, “I got a flat tair.” <BR> The passerby asked, “But what’s with the flowers?” <BR> The man responded, “When you break down they tell you ... Tue, 8 Jul 2014 19:57:42 EST The Breathalizer This happened to an Englishman in France who was totally drunk. <BR> <BR> The French policeman stops his car and asks the gentleman if he has been drinking. With great difficulty, the Englishman admits that he has been drinking all day, that his daughter got married in the morning to a French man, and that he drank champagne and a few bottles of wine at the reception and a quite few glasses of single malt thereafter. <BR> <BR> Quite upset, the policeman proceeds to alcotest (breath test) ... Mon, 7 Jul 2014 15:32:52 EST Mississippi The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, “Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!” <BR> Bubba replied, “Did y’all see who it was?” <BR> The young man answered, “I couldn’t tell, but I got the license number.” <BR> <BR> Sun, 6 Jul 2014 18:04:05 EST Georgia The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. <BR> He called her into his office and said, “Y’all graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?” <BR> The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, “Everything but my earrings.” <BR> Sat, 5 Jul 2014 14:05:34 EST Florida A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. <BR> “Amazing,” he thought as he flew down I-95, pushing the pedal even more. <BR> Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Florida State Trooper, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, “What am I doing? I’m too old for this... Fri, 4 Jul 2014 14:44:27 EST Golden Years After a meeting several days ago, I couldn't find my keys. I quickly gave myself a personal "TSA Pat Down." <BR> <BR> They weren't in my pockets. Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. <BR> <BR> Frantically I headed for the parking lot. My husband has scolded me many times for leaving my keys in the car's ignition. <BR> <BR> He's afraid that the car could be stolen. As I looked around the parking lot, I realized he was right. <BR> <BR> The parking lot was empty... Tue, 1 Jul 2014 10:27:02 EST Why? <img src=""> Wed, 25 Jun 2014 15:42:12 EST Warning <img src=""> Sun, 22 Jun 2014 12:55:23 EST Wake Up <img src=""> Mon, 12 May 2014 13:35:56 EST Upset Woman <img src=""> Sun, 11 May 2014 10:15:28 EST untitled <img src=""> Sat, 10 May 2014 11:23:56 EST Traffic Signs <img src=""> Thu, 8 May 2014 10:47:25 EST Top Gear <img src=""> Thu, 24 Apr 2014 20:32:26 EST Tomorrow <img src=""> Tue, 22 Apr 2014 18:04:56 EST Today's Special <img src=""> Fri, 11 Apr 2014 10:30:50 EST Baskin Robbins <BR> <BR> Two robins were sitting in a tree. "I'm really hungry", said the first one. " <BR> <BR> Me, too", said the second. "Let's fly down and find some lunch." <BR> <BR> They flew to the ground and found a nice plot of plowed ground full of worms. They ate and ate and ate 'til they could eat no more. <BR> <BR> "I'm so full I don't think I can fly back up to the tree," said the first one. <BR> <BR> "Me neither, let's just lay here and bask in the warm sun", said the second. <BR> ... Wed, 9 Apr 2014 21:30:57 EST This is a Window! <img src=""> Mon, 7 Apr 2014 17:36:31 EST LOVING WIFE! LOVING WIFE! <BR> <BR> Husband’s Message (by cellphone): <BR> <BR> Honey, a car has hit me outside the office. Paula brought me to the Hospital. <BR> <BR> They have been making tests and taking X-rays <BR> <BR> The blow to my head has been very strong, fortunately it seems that did not cause any serious injury, <BR> <BR> but I have three broken ribs, a compound fracture in the left leg, and they may have to amputate the right foot. <BR> <BR> <BR> Wife’s Response: <BR> <BR> Who i... Sun, 6 Apr 2014 17:26:19 EST The Copier <img src=""> Sat, 5 Apr 2014 16:18:41 EST Tea <img src=""> Thu, 3 Apr 2014 14:09:17 EST Target Weight I waited until 3:00PM to take the dogs for a walk today, and we didn't go quite two miles. It was only 76 when we got home, but the shade felt really nice when there was some. The sun is really hot here. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> Wed, 2 Apr 2014 16:56:54 EST T Shirt <img src=""> Tue, 1 Apr 2014 21:50:42 EST Stress <img src=""> Sun, 30 Mar 2014 18:07:37 EST Strapless <img src=""> Thu, 27 Mar 2014 11:03:34 EST Stop <img src=""> Wed, 26 Mar 2014 16:06:42 EST Squeeky Toy <img src=""> Tue, 25 Mar 2014 20:27:58 EST Split Brain <img src=""> Mon, 24 Mar 2014 13:33:28 EST Speed Limit <img src=""> Sun, 23 Mar 2014 16:28:50 EST Sometimes - <img src=""> Sat, 22 Mar 2014 20:25:55 EST Senior Driver <img src=""> Fri, 21 Mar 2014 15:25:15 EST Safe Sign <img src=""> Thu, 20 Mar 2014 10:11:37 EST Retouched <img src=""> Fri, 14 Mar 2014 15:03:34 EST Really Old <img src=""> Wed, 12 Mar 2014 12:27:28 EST Prices You Can Trust <img src=""> Mon, 10 Mar 2014 20:19:14 EST Press Yes Button <img src=""> Sun, 9 Mar 2014 17:12:29 EST Picnic Supplies <img src=""> Sat, 8 Mar 2014 10:46:06 EST Patience <img src=""> Fri, 7 Mar 2014 10:26:05 EST Out of Date <img src=""> <img src=""> Thu, 6 Mar 2014 09:03:46 EST Open <img src=""> Wed, 5 Mar 2014 09:43:44 EST Not Old <img src=""> Tue, 4 Mar 2014 14:40:34 EST No Discounts <img src=""> Mon, 3 Mar 2014 18:10:31 EST Needs Glasses <img src=""> Sun, 2 Mar 2014 09:35:35 EST Mysterious Injury <img src=""> Sat, 1 Mar 2014 11:02:48 EST Preferences <img src=""> Fri, 28 Feb 2014 08:52:34 EST Muffins, Healthy <img src=""> Thu, 27 Feb 2014 19:45:41 EST Mood <img src=""> Tue, 25 Feb 2014 09:35:14 EST