REVIVED's SparkPeople Blog REVIVED's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community starting over again (and again and again and again and again) Every single day I say I'm getting back on track and every single day for one reason or another it doesn't happen. I feel like a drug addict that just keeps using even though I promise myself that each time is the last time. Nothing seems to get me motivated. I can only think of what's happening in the moment which is usually what I want to stuff my face with. I honestly don't know how I ever did this. I think I've just "learned" too much and all the conflicting information sent me over ... Fri, 19 Sep 2014 09:34:04 EST 2/26 - check in I'm a week and a half in to being back on track, not counting the cupcake incident and i have a handful of corn chips with dinner last night. But beyond that, I've stuck to the plan. And I am starting to feel better. Its tough because feeling a little bit better makes me impatient to feel A LOT better and I'm definitely not there. <BR> <BR> But I did want to document the improvements I'm experiencing already <BR> <BR> - Sleeping better. I still feel a little wired at bedtime. In fact... Wed, 26 Feb 2014 15:39:39 EST 2/20 - feeling rundown and parenting woes I was feeling pretty good the last few days but today and yesterday I've been more lethargic again. The night before last my 3 year old had a terrible stomach ache and woke up every few minutes most of the time in pain. It was pretty distressing and affected my sleep, obviously. And then I stayed home with her yesterday and she had a few hours of pain and vomiting in the afternoon. I know it was a stomach bug, it was going around her school but I think the stress of it took a toll on me. ... Thu, 20 Feb 2014 19:56:27 EST Where I've been and where I'm going I've been gone for awhile I know. Honestly, I don't even know if spark people is as motivating for me as it once was. My views and priorities regarding food have changed so much. I don't follow the low calorie/ lots of cardio dogma anymore. I just haven't felt motivated to log on like I used to and I'm not sure if that's why or if its because I've just felt overwhelmed with getting back on track in general. But I do like the accountability aspect, even if only to myself, of being able t... Mon, 17 Feb 2014 16:54:14 EST Whole30 is not gonna happen I'm too broke. I can't keep buying stuff. I've gone through most of our produce and meat. I've got to just make due with what we have until we start having some money flow so it's a lot of bread and almond or peanut butter right now. And white potatoes. Someone gave us a huge bag of white potatoes. <BR> <BR> I was doing so well too! I'm perfectly content to eat that way. If I can just get myself off the sugar, I don't miss it. But it's out of my control and stressing about it isn't... Tue, 13 Aug 2013 12:11:30 EST Off track It's probably obvious that I've been off track. You can pretty much guarantee that whenever I go on an extended spark hiatus, it means I'm not doing well fitness-wise. I went through a pretty big rough patch this summer. There's no point in going into all the gory details but the general gist is that we had some serious financial issues and I had some serious mental health issues. So my eating took a big nosedive. <BR> <BR> I got on some medication which seems to be at least somewhat h... Fri, 2 Aug 2013 10:16:33 EST blew it well it took me all of 2 days to eat something crappy after i finished the whole30. I blame 2 things. <BR> <BR> 1. I couldn't leave the stupid scale alone. I had to weigh myself the next day and it was up a pound. And of course that messed with my head even though its completely ridiculous. I dont know why I get that way. As if a binge is going to help me get to my goal any faster! But as soon as I get frustrated with how slow things are happening, I sabotage myself. I need to leav... Mon, 1 Jul 2013 21:45:12 EST The results are in (dun dun dun) So yesterday was day 31 otherwise known as weigh in day. The results are in... kind of. <BR> <BR> See the thing is... I didn't actually weigh myself right before I started. The last weight I saw on the scale was 159. That was on day 12 of my juicing fast. I was so excited to be in the 150s. But then I crashed and burned as we all know and went on a 2 week food binge where I ate like I was never going to see food again. I have no idea what the damage on the scale from that was. I could... Fri, 28 Jun 2013 13:07:03 EST day 26 - tired and frustrated (what else is new) My husband caved today. He went back to coffee with milk. He didn't really feel amazing throughout the whole30. He's so busy running around that he never gave himself time to eat a proper breakfast or lunch so he was eating a lot of fruit and nuts and hard boiled eggs on the run. it was pretty inconvenient for him so i can't really blame him. I'm gonna stick it out these next 4 - well 3 really - days. It might be the first time I've actually stuck to a plan start to finish. <BR> <BR>... Sat, 22 Jun 2013 20:36:09 EST Day 21 - small nsv It was another rough day here in crazy town. I may or may not have been on a crying jag most of the day. I get like this every so often. I guess its partly how i deal with stress and partly menstrual. Every once in awhile i just stop being able to cope with life and spend the day flipping out. <BR> <BR> <BR> And today was that day. I was hoping the whole30 would even me out a little bit. Maybe it has to some degree but i just have so much going on it overrides the positive effects o... Mon, 17 Jun 2013 20:43:47 EST Whole30 Day 18 well the daily blogs didnt work out did they? no big surprise there. Time just seems to get away from me. By the time the kids are in bed and i can give my attention to the computer, my husband wants it! <BR> <BR> It's been pretty full on here because all the meal prep and just life with 2 kids. My energy was/is going through a slump which is kinda depressing. I keep trying to figure out if its normal or if there's something wrong with me. <BR> <BR> i went to the doctor today and go... Thu, 13 Jun 2013 20:50:40 EST Whole30 Days 9 & 10 The days are just not long enough for me to accomplish everything i need to accomplish. It's kind of tripping me out. Where does the time go? It doesn't seem like I've accomplished that much but I'm so busy all day. <BR> <BR> Yesterday was the first day that I felt great. I got started with the day as soon as I woke up and kept going and going and going. Mostly dealing with food. I still haven't figured out how to stay ahead of the food situation. Its funny because the Whole30 daily... Wed, 5 Jun 2013 22:43:40 EST Whole30 Day 8 I got up at 7 which is the earliest I've had to get up since school let out. I was a good wife and made my husband breakfast since he's on a construction site for the next few days or weeks. The kids were up too so we all had breakfast. It was nice. I'm sorta kinda transitioning them to this. I haven't bought any more dairy. I'm still giving them some grains because we have it and we're making things stretch right now. But breakfast and dinner at least, they're eating what we eat and p... Mon, 3 Jun 2013 21:58:04 EST Whole30 Day 7 One week in! bam! <BR> <BR> My sleep schedule is getting all thrown off. Staying up late and waking up late or napping making me want to stay up late again. Tomorrow Chris starts a new painting project so I have to actually get up at 7. Yikes! (I'm not really complaining.) But I'm not tired yet which means i probably wont sleep great so tomorrow is not looking awesome... would be great if this tiger blood energy kicked in! <BR> <BR> Cravings are still manageable which I'm thankful for.... Sun, 2 Jun 2013 22:50:58 EST Spring Challenge Week 15: goals and mantras Well my goal is pretty obvious - complete the Whole30. Since I can never seem to maintain consistency and discipline with ANYTHING, this should qualify as a challenge. So far so good though! <BR> <BR> It's also challenging my planning skills which I've come to learn are integral to a healthy lifestyle. I was just thinking about this today. I keep scrambling to come up with meals because I haven't really prepared ahead of time and I was thinking, "man, this isn't helping me become a bette... Sat, 1 Jun 2013 15:53:45 EST Whole30 Day 5 I think I'm turning a corner. I had a slight headache in the morning but i took some tylenol and it never came back the rest of the day. <BR> <BR> I went to the Y and did an interval strength training class with my friend. It was pretty killer considering I've barely worked out in like... i dont even know how long. I'm expecting to be very sore tomorrow and sunday. But it felt good to get a good work out in. Even though I could barely do a lot of it. My stamina is way down. In the car... Fri, 31 May 2013 22:53:06 EST Whole30 Day 4 -more of the same Well for breakfast i ended up having a juice. i just couldnt stomach doing some kind of ground turkey skillet from scratch that early. I blended a whole avocado plus some hemp protein powder and spirulina into the juice. I know it wasn't the best choice and i dont plan to make a habit of it. i also had a few almonds. <BR> <BR> for lunch i made turkey burgers and sweet potato fries. I realized half way through that i should have had more veggies but i did have veggie juice for breakfast ... Thu, 30 May 2013 20:33:22 EST Pretty sure I was the inspiration for this article Someone posted this article on Facebook today and its an extremely accurate picture of my relationship with food and nutritional well-being. It's funny but also disturbing when you're the one feeling crazy over it. <BR> <BR> So how do you have peace about the choices you're making?! That's the part I haven't figured out yet. <BR> <BR> Check it out: <BR> <link><BR>lthy-eater.html </link> Thu, 30 May 2013 15:58:55 EST Whole30 Day 3 -head trips eh. today wasn't as good as yesterday. I was pretty tired, didn't feel like doing much of anything and my head ache was definitely worse. I also had an extra 2 year old in the mix and spent the whole day trying to get 3 toddlers to play nice so maybe that was part of it. I did manage to get in a 2 hour nap which was glorious. I still didn't really want to get out of bed when i woke up though. If i didn't have to do anything all day, this whole thing would be a breeze. At least I don't ... Wed, 29 May 2013 22:50:22 EST Whole30 Day 2 -hows my eating? Much better today! I slept pretty good last night. I did wake up several times but was able to go back to sleep easily. A lot of people have said that they sleep well during the whole30 and i hope thats true for me cuz sleep is one of my major issues. I've been taking melatonin and that's helped a lot but i think it makes me kind of groggy during the day. My naturopath said it wouldn't but i think I'm more sensitive to things than most people. I'm trying not to take it now that I'm doin... Tue, 28 May 2013 21:32:54 EST Whole30 Day 1 - Life sucks I don't even feel like writing this. And I only am because I know I'll wish I did later. I'm so brain dead. I hate everyone and everything. I know a lot of my problem is the coffee thing but I don't want to give in and drink it black. I really resent that there's any substance in my life who's removal makes me feel this terrible. I just want to get off it. And I know I'm just still tired from my recent sedentary crappy eating life style plus i stayed up kinda late and then the kids were ... Mon, 27 May 2013 21:33:06 EST Starting Whole30 Well, I'm starting the Whole30 tomorrow (check out for more info) and I'm excited and terrified. Excited because I've read and heard from people amazing things about it from weight-loss to getting rid of cravings to better sleep to more energy. All of those are obviously issues for me and I'm so desperate to feel energy again at this point, its either this or a cocaine habit. Ever since I first watched Food Inc and Food Matters, a few years ago now, I've been looking for a way... Sun, 26 May 2013 10:30:54 EST My super fancy anniversary (with pics) WARNING: High mush level None of this is weight-loss related. I just felt like sharing. I'll have another blog up soon that IS weight related. I didn't want to taint my beautiful anniversary story with the negative bits. <BR> <BR> So Friday was our 10 year wedding anniversary and to celebrate, Chris surprised me by arranging for us to go to a hotel overnight. But not just any hotel - The Ritz Carlton at Reynolds Plantation - which is the fanciest hotel in all of Georgia. I have never been anywhere that fancy in... Mon, 20 May 2013 13:38:48 EST Spring Challenge Week 13 So I've got to choose something from each category of the article we were given to work on. <BR> <BR> 1. Eat Sensibly <BR> At this point I'm pretty sure I'm going to start Whole30 pretty sure but I'll broaden this to just say I'm going to cut out processed food and eat whole clean foods empathizing fruits and vegetables. <BR> <BR> 2. Exercise Regularly <BR> Now that work is (almost done for the school year) I'm going to get back to exercising at the Y. My ideal is to do some form of exer... Fri, 17 May 2013 12:17:26 EST To juice (again) or not to juice (again) I'm still trying to get it all worked out in my head but basically I'm just going in circles while I continue to eat crap and hate myself. I haven't got on the scale since I broke the fast. Basically after i broke it, i couldnt get it back together and I'm terrified to see the damage. im afraid i undid everything i did in that 12 days. Life is just hectic and I can't get a handle on the eating. I'm right in the middle of PMS too which doesn't help at all. RYDERB has been telling me about... Wed, 15 May 2013 10:08:15 EST My Blogging Disclaimer I just wanted to say thanks to everyone who reaches out and offers me support and encouragement on my blogs about my struggles. I really do love this community. I would not be halfway to my goal without the support I get here. <BR> <BR> I've always been a writer. I've always kept diaries and had pen pals and written stories and memoirs. Writing is how I process and sort through my thoughts and emotions. Sometimes I debate about blogging whats going on in my head because I'm sure people ... Thu, 9 May 2013 12:46:58 EST I ate and I suck at life. So... I ate some Mexican food last night. Esh. That's painful to write. I'm a whirl of emotions about it today. Of course at the top of the list is disappointed and guilty. I always do this. Once the craving or whatever you want to call it sets in, I can't shake it off. I don't care about anything else no matter what I say to myself until after, then I hate myself. I do this all this all the time so I'm not surprised. But I really wanted to accomplish this. I wanted to resist instan... Wed, 8 May 2013 13:25:43 EST Day 9 and a NSV Day 9 is my favorite so far. I finally broke into the 150s. I couldn't even tell you the last time I weighed 150. Over 10 years ago. I got married when I was 20 and I weigh less than my wedding pictures. I tried on some more old clothes in my closet and almost everything I've kept over the years fits. There's one dress I keep trying on that I can zip up but my boobs are still too big for it. Not sure if they'll ever be any hope for that one but I'm gonna keep trying. <BR> <BR> The ra... Sat, 4 May 2013 21:57:29 EST Spring Challenge Week 11 : Fitness Personality I got red harmony. Here are some of things I agreed with: <BR> <BR> - love to be where the action is. T <BR> - experience life through their senses, craving stimulation and adventure from the physical world. <BR> - casual and spontaneous. <BR> - prefer to go with the flow and stay open to opportunities as they arise. <BR> - typically find exercise in and of itself to be tedious. Reframing exercise as “training” is much more effective. Training to stay in shape for a sport or goal provides ... Sat, 4 May 2013 09:10:26 EST Day 8 The scale is still being all kinds of shady. Here's my morning routine. Get up, pee and weigh. So today I weighed at 160.4. Then I brush my teeth and weigh again because the number is always different the second time. So this morning weight number 2 was 161.4. That's a whole lb fluctuation in like 5 minutes folks. And then I weigh like 5 more times in a row just to see if it changes at all which it doesn't. And it didn't. So 161.4 is what I get today I suppose. This is probably all in... Fri, 3 May 2013 15:42:08 EST Juicing Day 5 and 6 and my little head trip well day 5 an 6 have been a bit worse. I've been like my own personal rain cloud. Extra moody and gloomy so allow me to rant a little. <BR> <BR> I was at least a little prepared for it since day 5 is where I quit before so I'm digging my heels in. I was happy yesterday that the scale said 161.6 which is the lowest I've been on this journey. And that was only when I juice fasted the last time but then I crashed and burned and went on a food binge so that number didn't stick around very l... Wed, 1 May 2013 18:22:16 EST Juicing day 4 Day 4 is going pretty well and i seem to hate the world a little less in spite of it being a Monday. I'm still patting myself on the back for how the timing worked out. The weekend was just what I needed to get through days 2 and 3. I've heard days 4 and 5 are the worst. And also 2 and 3 are the worst. What do you other juice fasters think? I honestly don't know. It's all kind of the same. <BR> <BR> I have great moments and crappy moments each day. I've noticed that when I start fee... Mon, 29 Apr 2013 15:10:56 EST Juicing Day 2 I'm not sure how I'm feeling honestly, it changes moment to moment. Yesterday wasn't too bad. I felt pretty good till about 4 when i got home from work. We made plans to take our kids to the park with our friends and I really wanted to back out but didn't. I didnt feel like i had the energy to do anything. But it wasnt that bad. I even messed around with my friend's hula hoop which is a 3lb exercise one and WAY easier than mine. I still cant keep mine up for more than 30 secs. The hea... Sat, 27 Apr 2013 20:39:40 EST I don't even know Ok trying again but every time I type a sentence, I start getting angry again. Writing is so therapeutic for me. So when I'm in the middle of getting my thoughts out and everything is flowing and then I lose it before I'm done, I feel like I could murder a whole city. And it happens a lot to me actually. On this stupid iPad, which is all i have at work, if you open a different tab and then go back, it refreshes and everything is gone. Like it never was. I know this. I've learned this l... Thu, 25 Apr 2013 13:19:50 EST Still plodding along I've had some ups and downs. Poor planning mostly. Always a downfall of mine. I think it's nearly impossible to do this perfectly when I'm trying to be this strict with everything I have going on in life - especially with me being as much of a food addict as I am. <BR> <BR> So I blew it several times this weekend. And then got back on track yesterday. And then I had some junk in a goody bag we got at school today. I'm trying not to let it throw me off completely. I did go to Zumba l... Tue, 16 Apr 2013 15:45:11 EST This is a title. I'm baaaack in the saddle again. I hope you read that in your best Steven Tyler voice cuz that's how I wrote it... With my Steven Tyler voice. <BR> <BR> Anywho, I've been back on track since Saturday and I feel so much better! I've cut out dairy, gluten, refined sugar, corn and eggs. I went to an ND (naturopathic doctor) and they suggested that I may have a food sensitivity. I've been so reluctant to jump on the gluten-free bandwagon. And I was deluding myself with thinking I wasn't get... Wed, 10 Apr 2013 10:08:59 EST Spring Challenge Week 3 : Vision board <link><BR>lenge-goals/ </link> <BR> <BR> Ok I did my vision board on pinterest because I didn't like the oprah thing I used last time and I couldn't find another one I liked. <BR> <BR> It's pretty self explanatory but here's a quick run down: <BR> <BR> 1. I want to work on increasing my water in take. This is so hard for me at work because I already pee in between just about every class but even still I know I'm not getting enough. <BR> <BR> 2. wo... Sat, 9 Mar 2013 18:15:19 EST I'm so tired and I hate working. Just cuz it's been awhile and one of my students is absent today so I've got the time. <BR> <BR> I'm still struggling. Really struggling. I keep thinking that I've only been struggling recently and that I've done pretty well for most of the school year. I'm not totally sure how accurate that is. I've been having issues since thanksgiving and mostly off track since then with short stints of being on track along the way. But I think it's only started to become really overwhelming recently... Wed, 6 Mar 2013 11:45:56 EST Spring Challenge Week 1: The Idiot's Guide to Nikki 1. I'm a sign language interpreter in a middle school. I love interpreting but I hate working full time and I really hope I won't have to next year cuz I just feel overwhelmed. <BR> 2. I've been married for almost 10 years and we've been together 14 years and I couldn't ask for a better husband and father for my kids. He goes above and beyond for us, is the most selfless person I know and always makes me feel loved and wanted. <BR> 3. I have 2 kids. My son Sage is 4 and my daughter Irie (Eye-... Sat, 23 Feb 2013 22:33:13 EST last FFF thing : funny pics I hope this still counts. I posted a joke on our thread but I forgot to do the other two so pretend like this is 2 separate posts ok? <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I love that last one. Sat, 16 Feb 2013 18:43:13 EST Juicing day 4 I've been reluctant to blog about this experience because I dont really have confidence that I'll make any progress in this way. And I didn't want to blog about day 1 of juicing and then quit on day 3. And also, I really dont want to hear opinions from people telling me not to juice so please don't say that. I've done the research. But i decided i want to document the experience to remember later on. <BR> <BR> So yeah I've lost 4lbs in 4 days but if I start eating again tomorrow, I know ... Thu, 14 Feb 2013 21:32:56 EST Look at my present from my sparkfriend, LEMONYLOLA!! I came home from work to find this on my doorstep. <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <BR> And pretty much had to pick my jaw up off the floor and reattach it to my face! <BR> <BR> I've been talking about, thinking about and dreaming about getting a juicer for awhile now. LEMONYLOLA and I've been emailing back and forth and then she got one and I've been living out my juicing fantasies vicariously through her ever since. <BR> <BR> Whe... Thu, 31 Jan 2013 21:32:04 EST Help me pick a hula hoop!! So my mom put $45 in my account for my birthday and told me to get a hula hoop. WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! But I have been looking at this etsy site all weekend (for weeks actually) and I can't pick out one to save my life. I can barely narrow it down!! I love all of these. Honestly, I could see myself with any of them. I can't even decide if I really want it to glow in the dark or not. I think I do but that tape is kinda ugly in the light. Which is more important? The versatility of bot... Sun, 27 Jan 2013 21:09:02 EST FFF detox challenge I really wanted to go big for this challenge but I just couldn't get around to it. I've been tossing around doing a full on detox for awhile now especially cuz i just finished my round of antibiotics and those things are nasty to your system. <BR> <BR> I admit that I get really confused about detoxing. There's so much information out there and strong supporters and strong opposers. There's people that say just eat more of a few certain things and then there's like $100 detox kits. I sta... Sun, 27 Jan 2013 10:10:25 EST ramble on where my head is right now. Just a little assessment of where my head and body are at - <BR> <BR> I'm feeling better today mentally and emotionally than the last couple days. I really dont know what was going on with me. It's like I've been pmsing even though its nowhere near time for that. Yesterday I just felt terrible - like fat and disgusting all day. I tried to do something with my hair that totally bombed and then it looked like I hadnt showered in a week. I hated the clothes I was wearing. Every time I loo... Fri, 25 Jan 2013 13:47:32 EST Food 1/22 and 1/23 Yesterday <BR> <BR> breakfast same <BR> snack apple and 1 oz cheddar cheese <BR> lunch 1 cup creamy edamame soup and 1 slice ezekial break with butter <BR> snack 6 oz 0 fat greek yogurt and 1 cup strawberries, blueberries <BR> dinner a stir fry concoction that chris made with chicken lightly covered in cornstarch a little bit of olive oil, vinegar, braggs amino (soy sauce replacement), garlic, chicken broth, egg whites, sesame oil with broccoli and some soba noodles. i probably had a cup of... Wed, 23 Jan 2013 22:10:26 EST I think I need a pep talk. Ok, I'm trying to not freak out. I don't want to drop a whole venty rant like I'm known to do on occasion. But I still need to work through my thoughts. <BR> <BR> The scale said 167 this morning and I wanted to pick it up and chuck it out the window. And I know there's no good reason for me to freak out about that. I was off track for awhile and sort of just spinning my wheels and I'm just now getting back to work. My body has done this to me before. Held on to the weight for awhile ... Wed, 23 Jan 2013 10:27:06 EST Food 1/21 breakfast same <BR> <BR> snack: apple, 1 oz cheese, other half of my smoothie, 1 sq dark choc 43% <BR> <BR> lunch: bowl of leftover penne and mince sauce from last night. 2 slices ezekial bread with butter <BR> <BR> dinner: 3 oz of mahi mahi in a marinade with ginger, 2 tsp olive oil, balsamic vineger, 3 TBS braggs amino, 3 TBS honey and 1 clove garlic. did not like it! thats why i didnt eat more. sweet potato fries coated with olive oil, garlic powder, onion powder, salt and pepper. ... Mon, 21 Jan 2013 20:51:04 EST Food 1/20 breakfast was same <BR> <BR> pb ezekial bread with 1/2 banana and coffee with tbs sugar and 1/3 cup milk <BR> <BR> lunch was apple, 1 oz cheese, 6 oz greek yogurt with 1 cup blueberries and strawberries. <BR> <BR> dinner was 2 cups penne pasta with homemade spag sauce-no sugar or oil, and grass fed ground beef. probably a cup and a half. 3 half slices of whole wheat bread (store bought, no good) with butter and lots of salad with homemade greek dressing. less that 1 tbs i think. <BR> <... Sun, 20 Jan 2013 21:52:48 EST Food 1/19 same breakfast as yesterday <BR> <BR> lunch: blt with turkey bacon, hellmans mayo, ezekial bread, tomato and romaine let. 1/2 oz chips and 1 and 1/2 cups mac and cheese - homemade. 1 square dark choc. <BR> <BR> that was bad I know. <BR> <BR> Then I made it worse and had 3 mini candy bars. <BR> <BR> Dinner was rotisserie chicken about 3 oz i guess, lots of salad with romaine, tomato, yellow pepper and hemp seed. With 1/2 tbs of homemade greek dressing, olive oil based. <BR> <BR> and a b... Sat, 19 Jan 2013 22:08:47 EST