RENZRYD's SparkPeople Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=RENZRYD RENZRYD's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community SparkPeople.com http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ Hitting MY Onederland! Pics! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5765530 For the few who have followed me from the beginning...I used to weigh 277.6 pounds and I am 5' 5 1/4" when I can stand straight up. <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/4/l1477515039.jpg"> <BR> The 2 times I was in a weight loss regime I got as low as the 194's..I have seen it twice! Never got below that due to "circumstances" that I resolved with food, not just a little food... A LOT OF FOOD! I remember gaining like 20 pounds in just 1 month!!! The time prior to the most recent t... Sat, 23 Aug 2014 13:55:57 EST Shopping Fit not Fat---what a different mindset! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5752196 Yesterday afternoon I had to a little shopping..things were looking just too baggy in some departments, and when I say departments the ladies bra boutique was the first place. Now i am not talking about Victoria's secret or Sear's but an actual place that not only fits bras for women but has sizes larger than 44 DDD. <BR> <BR> My current day to day bras have just gotten so large and roomy I had no support, so upon spending $44 dollars I was happy with my selection and went on to the next sto... Sun, 3 Aug 2014 11:08:42 EST Setting and Meeting Goals http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5732520 So nearly 3 months has passed since my last informative blog...sorry, but I have so little time to do what need to do in a day, you have to choose your battles. Mine is the gym or "exercise" time. My newest job (much better pay) is great, I get to walk up and down the stairs for 3 floors and up and down the hallways for the restroom or break room. Maybe mentally I think this enough, but I want to do more, I want those 10,000 steps every day, not some days. So that goal is one I will continue ... Sat, 5 Jul 2014 12:29:29 EST 12 little pounds... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5671130 That is what stands in my way of being able to fit the size 14 pants I have been holding onto now for 3 years or so. When I bought my first pair of size 14 pants as an adult it was when I had gone from 277.6 to 200ish pounds....BACK IN 2009! I am not sure if that is when I purchase the denim pants or if it was the following time I went from 250's to 200's the following time I tried to lose weight (in a weight loss competition). Either way they fit at 200 pounds and zipped and I could breathe.... Sun, 13 Apr 2014 11:51:32 EST A life of follow-up http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5647211 Hi, EVERYONE! A few months have gone by and I have been accomplishing some goals and I am very happy about it. Lost a few more pounds….have 82 or so to go. Finished my first race for the year a 6K and it was practically freezing…a balmy 33 degrees and raining, BUT I did 2 minutes and 10 seconds better than the year before. I am trying to get some real exercise in at least 3 times a week…and I am very slowly accomplishing this. BUT, my lung endurance I have noticed is getting better. I still a... Thu, 13 Mar 2014 19:41:20 EST Creating permanent COMMITMENT! (Not a NY's Res.) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5576659 If you have read any of my blogs in the past I am sure you are aware of my lengthly trials...I mean years! By now I should certainly be at goal right. <BR> <BR> I mean I have done so much. Logged so many hours of exercise. Drank fish tanks of water. Completed 4 Half Marathons. Completed 1 Warrior Dash. Completed other countless races...too many to count at the moment. The one thing that has not be consistant is my Commitment! Call it motivation, determination, drive or whatever you want but ... Tue, 31 Dec 2013 12:21:25 EST So WW did not really work for me... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5511741 So to be brief because I lack the time I need, WW did not work for me. I say that cause in the beginning like all new programs I was excited and I had it down....then team leaders changed, meetings stunk and my life got a little more hectic with acting like a parent to a little old 12 yr old dog. Don't get me wrong I love the responsibility (only for the dog- NO KIDS!!!). However the rewards that came and went at meetings seemed to be inconsistant. I went to one somewhere else after I did a 1... Sat, 12 Oct 2013 18:51:17 EST Phuck you Dr. F!!!!! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5426742 Yeah I know it has been a while since my last blog and now the title of this one is profane! I have been dealing with something (NOT LIFE THREATENING in the least) and it has taken some of my time and money, plenty of money. (Small fraction actually only because insurance has covered 90% of the costs, but I like my money in my accounts.) The last "doctor" I met with is the expert now because we met with eachother for 45 minutes and I did a "questionnaire". So based off the parts I was honest ... Fri, 19 Jul 2013 19:22:47 EST Last Half Marathon of the year - Tomorrow! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5390026 So I just had one of my fellow Sparkies post a really good blog. Her friend told her she could do something she didn't quite believe that she could, and yet when she tried, SHE DID IT!! <BR> I do not have the exact experience as her but I too have lacked serious training. My races have been my training and they are all about 3-4 weeks apart..talk about poor planning. <BR> <BR> 15K in March <BR> HM in April <BR> HM in May (where I PR'd by 0:1:59 and if it hadn't been for all that calf cramp... Sat, 15 Jun 2013 14:11:10 EST Second Half Marathon- Nearly a disaster! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5341013 Well of all of my K races and my first HM, this one was my first "destination" race....maybe that was it? but I do not think so. Had awesome socks, new shoe insoles, KT muscle strapping on my predicted problems, carb loaded, sodium increase...things should have gone a whole lot better...but I did not have the one thing I think I needed... T-R-A-I-N-I-N-G, if you have read a lick of my blogs you will know that the plantar faciatis I had a little more than a year ago disappeared from both feet,... Tue, 30 Apr 2013 17:49:58 EST My head, my vacation and pics! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5288781 So someone said to me, "Renee, start blogging again and get off that couch, stop eating EVERYTHING you are craving and GET MOVING!" Well, actually Spunkyducky only said some of that and I added all the rest, but I do need to do that. <BR> <BR> I do need to keep the keys going....it is just much harder when I am not at my home every night, so when I am I love spending most moments with my husband than rather on the computer. <BR> <BR> On the couch....that is more for the 2 nights a week I ... Sat, 16 Mar 2013 12:59:01 EST Down and not quite out... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5265023 Going through a thousand and one emotions right now. Just celebrated my 10 year wedding anniversary and I am excited but now the vacation is over and that joy is slowing dissipating. On the flight home whatever I caught took me down for a week and my husband is no nurse so while I was dying lying in bed any happy effects of the vacay were evaporating. Now for the most part I am healthy but so has my stupid uncontrollable hunger for fast food or just food that someone else makes. I had gotten ... Tue, 26 Feb 2013 17:19:03 EST My shadow almost looked skinny! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5213486 So one of the biggest changes to my life has been a new four legged child. As far as I am considered I rescued her from my M-in-L. There is a back story and I am not going there at least for the moment but her name is now, Ella May Fritzgerald P****** her gastly name before that was Fritzty, and before that some idiot named her Kiwi :P So now the little lady has an appropriate name. <BR> <BR> The little bugger is going to be 12 sometime before July (but don't tell her that.) <BR> <BR> So ... Fri, 18 Jan 2013 19:49:50 EST 2012, see ya in the DUST! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5182771 Ok 2012, YOU SUCKED! No you SUCKED BIG TIME! You know what you did to me, how much you made me gain and lose. You took things away from me that I loved as well as people too. You will be the rear view mirror I will not look back....I have so much more to look forward to now and I cannot wait! 3 Half Marathons, at least 2 K races, my first Warrior Dash, and some less of me that won't make it through another year. I have some pretty great co-workers, our family will be expanding with a new 4 le... Mon, 31 Dec 2012 20:23:01 EST Yes I have been quiet for a while... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5174843 Wow the last month has been nearly overwhelming but I keep going. For two months straight now I have forgotten ONE day to log into Sparkpeople and I have lost my Perfect Attendance award. :( I have only gotten in three real runs, maybe 3 gym workouts and a couple of WW meetings, and 1 self defense class that had the second class be a FAILURE cause it was at a high school and every stinking door was LOCKED and I couldn't get in. <BR> <BR> Starting the 3rd of December I began tanning and I ha... Mon, 24 Dec 2012 00:36:42 EST Vindication is MINE! (evil laugh) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5142610 So what was given to me 1.5 years ago, which caused me unbelievable anguish and mental torment, I finally am going to receive. In fact it was so bad 4 attorneys maybe 5 told me I had no right to what I was supposed to get. Even the attorney who's job it was to make sure everything went smoothly. (THANK YOU A-holes for the 60+ lbs I gained and depression was a NOT-fabulous experience!!!) I do not recommend this for anyone but when things FINALLY go as they should the anxiety and worry and all ... Wed, 21 Nov 2012 13:15:26 EST Family Pics http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5132086 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/8/l1861357324.jpg"> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/2/1/l215945050.jpg"> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/2/l1236733738.jpg"> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/4/3/l433196880.jpg"> <BR> So today we got our first real set of "family" photos in probably 6 years or so. <BR> <BR> A new phrase I was thinking of was: The day I married my best friend was just the beginning... <BR> <BR... Sun, 11 Nov 2012 22:40:42 EST WOW! I seriously lost weight this week! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5114533 I am still trying to figure out what I did, but I did it, I creamed the scale! I am still doing WW but I have been on the go and not been tracking, but mentally noting that I should, yeah SHOULD be in my range. Woo Hoo! I have a lot more to write but I have to get to a class (educational continuing credits) will finish later! <BR> <BR> *Finishing* So yeah, my new pants are baggy, good thing I got them at Ross for 12 bucks or so. At my education class I left home with an awesome 7 point brea... Sat, 27 Oct 2012 10:30:56 EST Another personal mental trial http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5111262 For those of you in Oregon or around Oregon, or with a television, us here in the state have experienced a tragic loss. I lost a spiritual sister of mine who I may have never met but it hits home. Her name was Whitney Heichel and she appears to be a beautiful person on the inside and out. Her and I never met but share very similar beliefs and we both no this crappy world will get better. <BR> <BR> Of course do to this immediate sadness I need to find a solution, a cure to my mental trial. I... Wed, 24 Oct 2012 13:16:03 EST Money Shot! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5105584 I sware this photo looked better on my mom's phone, but it is still awesome! <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/2/0/l2041548548.jpg"> Sat, 20 Oct 2012 00:32:21 EST Personal Update http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5102734 So my last two blogs created less of a response than I expected, could be the negativity in the 2nd one and then "this blog is in progress" note that was on there for such a long time...or MAYBE you all have better things to do <em>100</em> . <BR> <BR> Personal life update: All is quiet and resolved on the Western Front. Husband gave up my mother when it came to why they weren't where they were supposed to be. Kinda chatted with my mom yesterday and she wasn't going to admit to it. WHATEVE... Wed, 17 Oct 2012 15:44:49 EST What I learned from my first half marathon! and other family craziness(pics) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5100721 So after the "race" I waited patently for my wonderful husband and mother cause I was hyped for having finished my first half where I proudly wore this on my arm <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/4/0/l406584144.jpg">. Only after 30 plus minutes did my blood pressure start to rise from frustration. Thankfully a nice lady let me borrow her cell phone for a moment to call my mother.... <BR> <BR> Renee: "I am done, where are you guys?" <BR> Mom: "Oh we were waiting for you to finis... Tue, 16 Oct 2012 00:23:53 EST The Mac Daddy of Blogs = My first half marathon! (lots of pics) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5095471 Sunday, Sunday, Sunday! OH my goodness October 7th 2012! The sleep the night before was horrible <em>234</em> thanks mom for changing my mattress and box spring to an accordian! The evening before was full of me angry and sleeping on the floor and very, very few dozes. I mean REALLY she knew what I was doing in the morning she acted like my need for sleep and not waking up with a sore back was not needed....?!? <BR> <BR> So when I "woke-up" <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/... Thu, 11 Oct 2012 15:51:38 EST Nervous...Yeah! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5088542 So yesterday I came down with what I am classing as a "head cold" I have a milk allergy, (not lactose intoerant) where the odds are usually in my favor the crud won't build up and make me all congested and crap. (WHY ON THIS EARTH HAVE THEY NOT MADE A PILL FOR THIS YET!!!!!!!!!!!???!!!!) Well I lost and my eyes were sinking back into my head yesterday. Mind you my first Half is Sunday, Sunday, Sunday! So rest and Nyquil and vitamin filled water have been my thing, plus a heating pad.....it fe... Sat, 6 Oct 2012 00:33:52 EST On Your Mark, Get Set, MUD!!! (pics) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5072125 2012 Kiss Me Dirty - Portland <BR> <BR> Yep, mud. As I woke up in the morning I wasn't to sure what to expect, what would the weather be, would there only be snobby skinny b1tc43$? I mean I wasn't overly nervous but just contemplating the day. So I woke up like this <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/7/4/l748368766.jpg">, as I continued my morning that began at a nice time of 7, vs the 5am's I had been doing from my 10 & 8K's I was excited the sun had come up and I was still at ... Sun, 23 Sep 2012 22:19:25 EST Starting to feel pretty on the outside...again. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5069232 If you have read some of my blogs in the past I have mentioned how I usually feel a bit smaller than I actually am until my refelection in a window of a building or a mirror bring reality BACK! <em>198</em> Well with my most recent efforts of "races" and actually using the gym again, and losing weight again....I am starting to feel pretty again. <BR> <BR> I was hoping to have more enlightening thoughts but that is just how the truth goes. Tomorrow the 22nd of September I am doing my fir... Fri, 21 Sep 2012 13:21:38 EST FUTURE Former Fat Person http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5060588 Yep, that is right! I am going to do this I don't care how long it takes, and since I actually started losing weight we are coming on 4 years in NOVEMBER! The reason I am writing about this now is that last Sunday I did my first 10K, jogged quite a bit more that I had expected. And I am very proud of myself for that. <BR> <BR> The "professional" photos however vs my photo as my last blog ranted about is All Rolls, and I am not talking about no bakery. Well Thursday I had the opportunity to ... Sat, 15 Sep 2012 16:32:55 EST Rolls upon rolls...of fat! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5051560 Did my first 10K race today, I am using it as a practice for my Half-Marathon in less than a month, I was hoping for 1:20 but considering that was based off 20 lbs lighter I am thrilled I was off my time by only 9:28 (yep the 9:26 is an error on my bio but I will fix that soon). <BR> <BR> So as I was waiting for the start of the race I felt awesome and then I asked some older guy to take my picture.....rolls and rolls of fat is all I can see! <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/5/... Sun, 9 Sep 2012 20:41:56 EST I may not be fast... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5016695 I may not be fast and I may not beat anyone in my age bracket, but as long as I can physically still stand and put one leg in front of the other I WILL FINISH my first half-marathon! October 7th is the day that even though I ignore the calendar and close my eyes is still ever pressing forward one day at a time closer and closer. Monday it was 55 days away, today it is 53 days away. <BR> <BR> I may not be fast and I may not beat anyone in my age bracket, but I AM NO QUITTER! Wed, 15 Aug 2012 13:19:04 EST Wow! 3 months since last blog! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5002473 So, so much has happened and is changing in my life. I am in month two of my new full time job. It has it's good days oh yes indeed. The benefits are acceptable and I already got a COLA increase. In four more months I will get a merit increase when I beat probation, which I should definitely be able to. BUT NOW, I drive 1 hour in the morning and 1 hour in the evening, ICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Even though it is a raise from my past job before they reduced me to part time, I loved only have to go 5 m... Sun, 5 Aug 2012 20:45:36 EST How in the world!?! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4865125 Took my Garmin out for it's first spin! It was super awesome except for the rain and my stiff calves! Anywho, I noticed while I was on the trail which is a gravel rock base and hilly that I was coming up on 2 miles, by the way this was with way more walking than I wanted to do. So I noticed my time was still below my treadmill time! This made me dig down inside and get to moving faster...I beat my most current 2 mile time now it is 30.25! Woohoo! I can only get faster from here. Thu, 3 May 2012 17:28:31 EST Renzryd, it has a two versed meaning! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4862900 So. I do not know if in my earlier years here if I ever posted the meaning to my screen name. If I did it is a long way down and I would never expect anyone to hunt that one down. It started in college, with my car. I am Renee and this is my Ride, that is how Renzryd came to be. UNFORTUNATELY Oregon only has 6 letters in the plate! So my plate is RNZ RYD, the plate in itself and the DMV's capability of getting that right is a blog/complaint letter that I may never go into. So my screen name h... Wed, 2 May 2012 11:14:16 EST 2 Weeks in St. Thomas!! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4857708 Oh Y-E-A-H! (In Barry White voice) I love my husband soooooo much!!!! So my mother-in-law has way too many points in her timeshare. He visited her yesterday and as it came up he asked if she could book us two weeks in 2014 for our 11 year anniversary....YES! two weeks of tanning, snorkelling, swimming, playing in the white sand.....This will beat Jamaica hands down I just know it! So now I have a reward goal that should keep me on track! WooHoo! 21-22 months away though......will still have t... Sun, 29 Apr 2012 14:24:24 EST I went to my JOB Interview with a swim suit on! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4853948 Yeah, I thought that would get your attention :) So today I had my first real job interview since budgeting and VERY bad timing left me without a full time job and in June no job. Anyways, so as I was trying to dress myself then my huge tummy roll, no make that muffin top careens over my new dress slacks that I bought. Oh no! Is what I am thinking to myself, I can't look this out of control, I have to be in control for this job. <BR> <BR> With the clock ticking away before I have 40 miles t... Thu, 26 Apr 2012 21:01:02 EST I feel like someone's toilet paper! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4850383 Yeah I am not surprised BUT it still hurts and or sucks. I finally got my notice that I was being laid off. Yeah the last day is June 28th! A$$4013$ Oh you are so smart I know you will find something else....blah, blah, blah, blah, blahhhhhhhhh. <BR> <BR> If either of those two women trully felt that way then at two months short of my 2 years in the Assessor's office and 8 years for the county as a whole they wouldn't have reduced my PHUCKING hours so that I lose my 4 week severance, and a... Tue, 24 Apr 2012 18:42:00 EST To stop shopping in the Women's Department! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4845410 So if any of you who may read this and know, that while you are losing weight you try not to buy clothes that might not fit you in a month or two. So for me having been losing and gaining and losing and gaining and losing....Besides workout clothes (cause those are a "motivation" for me) I haven't been clothes shopping in a WHILE! Like years actually. Fortunately I didn't rid of all my fat clothes, but also had to get a pair of jeans here and there, usually all Walmart cause they were fairly ... Sat, 21 Apr 2012 13:20:51 EST Phuck! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4838123 Yes I know the vulgarities, but I just lost my lunch. No I am serious, I litterally lost my entire healthy lunch on the floor of my office/closet (temporary location). My salad was so beautiful, spinach, red leaf lettuce, english cucumbers, some fancy cheese, avacado, carrots, mushrooms, celery, olive oil, asiago dressing, grilled chicken, raw sunflower seeds, almond slivers and dried cranberries. I GOT ONE BITE! Then due to my failure as a hungry human being, when I got back to my desk inst... Mon, 16 Apr 2012 18:03:50 EST The scale moved down! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4833757 So these many months the scale kept creeping and creeping and jumping to the never ending weight I was gaining. Gaining back actually, cause between the 2 times since '09 I started to actually try and lose weight I had gotten to 194ish?. So, so much closer to my goal. Much of the 2nd weight gain I contribute to the passing of my step father. If you have read any of my past blogs THIS WAS SUPER HARD ON ME! In fact I even went through things I will not write about, but it was that tough. I beli... Fri, 13 Apr 2012 16:59:59 EST After reviewing last week... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4827039 I now know at least to get the scale to start moving I need to cut those carbs quite a bit! This time last year I dropped so much weight: <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/6/6/l665148650.jpg"> January 2011 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/9/5/l954226380.jpg"> January 2011 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/8/4/l840428012.jpg"> April 2011 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/4/5/l456490035.jpg"> April 2011. <BR> So this morning everything was a d... Mon, 9 Apr 2012 12:40:15 EST Bursting at the seams! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4820275 So that is almost entirely literal. I have gotten so plump again, undoing my bra my wrapping my arms around my back is so HARD! Lately I have found myself asking my husband to do it, cause I find myself straining. This past weekend we were away at the beach with his family...mind you our house is still being remodeled by myself and our living room is still not a living room so we have no couch. So this weekend we watched a lot of cable tv since we don't have cable. Trying to fold your legs on... Wed, 4 Apr 2012 12:37:43 EST I just need to remember... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4802187 what I will be able to wear if I ever shrink my body...... <em>41</em> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/7/1/l71733091.jpg"> <BR> and <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/3/7/l375729802.jpg"> <BR> Now I can try to encourage that determination I need to have.... Sat, 24 Mar 2012 02:20:28 EST Up another #%!@ lbs! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4797824 Gotta take it with strides. Not thrilled but between my head and my mouth I need to make a decision and follow through with it. A bag of chips is not meant to be an afternoon snack just because I get off work and have little I want to accomplish on my house. Then the sulking begins..... I have been trying to come up with a way to internally self motivate myself. I came up with a saying I put onto a shirt: <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/3/0/l304781864.jpg"> <BR> <B... Wed, 21 Mar 2012 01:27:07 EST My motivation roller coaster! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4767180 Up and down, up and down, up and down.......I love roller coasters BUT I seriously want to get off this one! Over a month ago is when I lost control of my job, lost my full time status and I am now so part time, less than .5 but actually .43 my benefits were lost on Wednesday at 11:59 pm. I was doing ok emotionally...mostly, but then it sets in that I feel like the biggest loser, and we aren't talking about the show! <BR> I have a new car, a fabulous husband, a sweet kitty cat, a mom that is... Fri, 2 Mar 2012 12:41:21 EST I feel I have a gun to my head! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4713686 Work is beyond momentous. I was given a notice nearly 3 weeks ago my full time position would be reduced to 16 hours! and lose all of my benefits. Little to say the union at this exact moment is not instilling any hope in me. Yesterday I asked about my severance pay, and I was told that I must leave "voluntarily" to receive my severance and because that would mean I am turning down part time hours I might not get my unemployment! The rage I am feeling woke me up at 2ish this morning. So if I ... Tue, 31 Jan 2012 06:28:24 EST Fighting to find myself again, under all this weight! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4683419 Two times already I have fought and sweat myself to less than 200 lbs, that again is TWICE! However, once that happens my brain hits a stupid eat myself to death switch, and the first time I had to remove 40ish pounds, and the second which is the most recent, I am rounding 60 pounds!!!!!!! Mind you I started this at 277.6, so things have been a roller coaster, which I love roller coasters, BUT NOT THIS ONE! In fact I am probably too fat to ride a roller coaster right now. <BR> If you may hav... Mon, 16 Jan 2012 01:36:57 EST Day 12 - Wednesday http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4496968 Yay for me! The scale is working with me and I am so happy. Down more than a pound already since Monday. 4 others at work are trying to lose weight so it really helps talking about what is and isn't working. I just hope Tom next week doesn't ruin my "mental" weight loss. <em>244</em> Wed, 21 Sep 2011 15:19:06 EST Day 9! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4491498 WooHoo! Can't wait 'til weigh in tomorrow. The scale is doing awesome. Sun, 18 Sep 2011 18:40:04 EST Day 4 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4485478 Scale is still going down, this is very good. Today I thought I was going to have a HUGE challenge but I didn't really want any of the food I put on my plate. I picked on my huge salad, and then ate chicken pieces out of the enchalada, and only had 1 small slice of cake, threw most everything else away, Yippie! Wed, 14 Sep 2011 21:51:41 EST Day 2 of yet another new program http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4479713 So on track with my food today, again, that is great. Weighed in on Saturday morning at 240.6 this morning was less, lets just see what it says tomorrow morning. I should be in full fat burn tomorrow so I better stay on track. Looking forward to the scale tomorrow. Sun, 11 Sep 2011 23:05:37 EST Need to STOP seeking food for emotional support! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4453704 Many, many things have happened in the past 4 months, many of them extremely emotionally taxing. After I won 8th place out of 192 people in a BL contest, I took a week to myself to eat that "bad" food I shouldn't have eaten. Then it became 2, 3 weeks. Then my step father who I hadn't spoken to in about 9 months, cause he forgot the truth about something that happened and ....well like I said hadn't spoken in about 9 months. He was aged at 70 and had poor health diabetes, but it was a sudden p... Sun, 28 Aug 2011 23:41:44 EST