REDVIXION's SparkPeople Blog REDVIXION's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Having a down week... I dunno why I can't seem to get out of this crap mood I've been in all week. Today has been the worst day so far.. I feel like I'm over trying to be better, I'm exhausted & just want to go back to regular days... I can't even find the motivation to work out.. I have all the resources just can't do it.. No matter what anyone's says to me it doesn't change not being motivated... Do I want to lose 50lbs by July? YES but does it look like that's going to happen?? NO!! Ugh what is wrong with me? :... Fri, 21 Feb 2014 18:43:17 EST Getting my form right.. Today was night 2 of my arm & squat challenge.. I realized after last night my form wasn't right on my squats bc i didn't feel a thing.. So today at work everyone was showing me what I should be doing.. I listed to them and man were my thighs i have co works/friends who help me get through this stuff. It would have been horrible to finish the whole month with nothing to show for it bc my form was off.... Here's to a GREAT week full of motivation :) Tue, 18 Feb 2014 22:20:38 EST Tonight it starts... Tonight I'm going to start my workout routine including 2 challenges arm & squats,, I have 7lbs to lose before my biggest loser weigh in on the 1st.. Hope I can keep my motivation.. Wish me luck :) Mon, 17 Feb 2014 18:10:58 EST Ready to fight this feeling.... I have been in a CRAP mood the last week or so. Not sure if it's the weather or hormones or just a bad week.. I have still been doing ok for the most part with my food in take.. I did make homemade banana bread last night ans have been eating it ever since... Also had mash potatoes for the first time in 1 month 14 days.. I'm not really mad about just disappointed. My exercise is still at a stand still.. Tomorrow I'm fixing up our spare room and making it my space with my elliptical, weight b... Sat, 15 Feb 2014 20:48:42 EST I'm up & I'm down... I know what I want and I know what I need to do but I just can't get motivated.. I'm still doing good on the food part.. Working out is just not my thing.. I have all the time in the world considering we don't have kids but as usually I keep making excuses.. how do I get past this & get my butt in gear?? HELP!!! Wed, 12 Feb 2014 21:15:50 EST Tattoo Therapy :) I've been in a funk so tomorrow I have an appointment for a new tattoo.. OH YESSSSS :) Sun, 9 Feb 2014 14:53:44 EST Disappointed.. I have been in a funk the last few days as many of you read in my recent blogs.. Well I did not eat very well last night or today.. I have been eating almost completely clean since 1-1-14.. Last night i had ihop, an omelet & pancakes, then today i had my normal cereal for breakfast but 2 slices of red baron frozen pizza for lunch the had margarita grilled chicken, black beans & rice for dinner.. My belly did not like it as i was in the bathroom right after we got home :( I don't really feel t... Sat, 8 Feb 2014 21:23:09 EST How to get rid of this feeling?? I'm writing another blog today bc I'm really really feeling down... Why is it so hard for me to be proud of myself?? No matter the goals I meet I see flaws. I've lost 25lbs since the end of Dec. & still look and see how fat my face looks.. It makes me sick to my stomach. How do I get past this feeling?? <em>39</em> Fri, 7 Feb 2014 20:57:27 EST Stupid FUNK... :/ I'm in a weird mood today & I'm not really sure why. I should be in a GREAT mood considering I finally fit into the jeans i couldn't even pull up past my hips on 1-1-14.. I'm also down 2 more lbs since 2-1..Maybe it's the not sleeping thing.. Ugh. I didn't exercise before bed last night thinking that was the issue & even took an OTC sleep aid ( which usually will help) & still woke up several times through out the night... It's not stress or depression bc right now I'm fine. The no sleep is w... Fri, 7 Feb 2014 16:42:35 EST Has anyone seen sleep??? I dunno what the issue is but I have not been sleeping very well this week.. I thought adding exercise to my schedule would help but it seems to make it worse. Even when i feel exhausted I can't sleep, I can fall a sleep but not stay a sleep.. I dunno what to do, it's messing up my whole day :( Thu, 6 Feb 2014 17:37:38 EST So tired today.. Ugh super tired today, way more the usual.. I think it's this stupid weather. One day it's below 0 then it's in the 50's then were having an ice storm. I wish mother nature would get it together.. I'm ready for spring so I can hike & Geocache... Come on spring :) Wed, 5 Feb 2014 20:43:29 EST This month started slow... I have the food part down but still hardly no motivation to work out :( I did do 15 min on the Elliptical yesterday & going to try to do at least that much 4 times a week.. I love to workout once i get started but getting going is not my thing, I really want to reach my goal of 10lbs this month but I dunno if it's going to happen... Trying to stay +... <em>33</em> Tue, 4 Feb 2014 21:25:16 EST YAY :) So I did my monthly weigh in for the biggest loser I'm doing with friends that started on 1-1-14, I started at 310 & hit my monthly goal I am now 295 YAY :) I'm so excited. Next goal is 285, which shouldn't be an issue bc i add exercise to my schedule this month.. Really excited to see what goal I can concur this month... Good luck to everyone with Goals this month :) Sat, 1 Feb 2014 21:05:57 EST Day 29 :) I feel so good about making it this far & so excited about getting even further. I'm feeling really great these days, I still haven't started cardio yet.. I did add a 30 day butt toning challenge to my day. It's different sets of squats & lunges.. I'm also doing triceps extensions to tone the back of my arms... Hope to see changes soon, I'm so ready for the days to come :) Wed, 29 Jan 2014 20:12:48 EST After 22 days, I ate rice :/ I've been doing great & haven't gave in one time. So last night I had some rice, it was so worth it but man did my belly disagree with me :/ I'm not upset with myself at all.. I know I'm doing great & I look forward to seeing more results in the future :) Thu, 23 Jan 2014 22:09:09 EST Finally Day 21 :) Everyone says it takes 21 days to form a habit & I could never make it to day 21 to find out.. Welp here it is FIANLLY & I have learned some new habits & have changed the way I feel about food. I have lost 13lbs & I'm feeling pretty amazing about it & that's from only changing my food habits. I can't wait to see what progress I make once i start working out... I'm so proud of myself and can't wait to see what other habits i form in the coming days :) Tue, 21 Jan 2014 18:55:02 EST Day #15 :) So I have been working on my eating habits since 1-1-14 & so far I'm on day 15 & I'm doing great.. It's definitely hard & I still have a loonngggg road a head of me but it will be worth it & that's what I keep telling myself. I have decided instead of jumping into better eating habits, sleep habits & exercise all at once and over whelming myself, I would work on my eating habits & sleep habits this month then starting in Feb. I will start working out at least 3 days a week and go from there... Wed, 15 Jan 2014 19:10:05 EST As usual... As usual I fell off the wagon, my first goal was to be under the big 300 I was 6lbs away from it and gained it all back.. I don't know how to get out of these habits, how to stay feeling like I'm worth it... This PCOS is really messing with my body & mind..I dunno where to go from here .. UGH :/ Mon, 16 Dec 2013 19:41:18 EST Here we go again... Day 1 (3) ok so this isn't really day 1 it's actually day 3 :) I feel really good about this time. I decided I'm doing it for myself, I need this for me.. I need to find myself again & like the person I am.. I love my life & I want to live it to the fullest.. I'm really good at making excuses it's to hot, to cold, I'm tired blah blah blah.. I mean it's to the point I'm tired of hearing myself say it. .. This time I have this.. I'm going to encourage myself everyday instead of telling myself I can't do ... Wed, 28 Aug 2013 16:45:08 EST Today was day 1 :) So today was day 1 back at the gym, I got up at 5am ( which I am NOT a morning person) and met up with my friend at 530 and did 30 min on the Elliptical. I know 30 min is nothing but it's a starter, I actually could have went longer but it was our first day at a new gym and we had to take care of a few things that took some time... I haven't been to the gym in about 2 months & was really surprised on how much I just jumped right back into it was working hard but could still have a conversatio... Wed, 3 Apr 2013 18:51:08 EST Starting over Here it is almost a new month and I have fallen off the train again... :( it has been a emotional few weeks. First I came off my depression meds after 7 looonng yrs then in the process of coming off my meds I lost my father in law which did not help with the emotional part of coming off the meds.. Now I'm back from New Mexico and back at work trying to get myself back on track... I came across a breaking point which was during out trip to new mexico my right leg/ankle/foot swelled up worse th... Wed, 27 Mar 2013 19:38:03 EST Day 1 all over again... Well I fell off the train for a little while but not to much in a bad way.. I'm still down 14lbs just haven't lost or gained which is good in some ways... I just signed up for the " Biggest Loser" at work it started yesterday ( Monday 2-11-13 ) and will last for 15 weeks. Everyone put in 25.00 as a join fee and we will have to pay 1.00 for every lb we gain .. I think this is going to be GREAT & I intend to stick with it and see where it takes me :) I really want to get a bathing suit ready bo... Tue, 12 Feb 2013 16:32:03 EST Welp.... Welp I have drifted the wrong direction the last few days, have ate some things I'm not proud of :( ( still no red meat & still only water ) I have not been to the gym since last wednesday either :( I plan on going tomorrow and friday HARD to try to make up for some lost time... I'm not falling off the train just hit a detour, I believe I might have also gained a few lbs back :( which gets me kinda down bc I was so close to being under 300lbs...Ugh, 1 day at a time I guess.... Wed, 30 Jan 2013 21:43:00 EST Woo Hoo Since December 31st 2012 I have lost 14lbs :) I myself don't think you can tell but everyone else seems to be noticing it :) & I'm feeling AMAZING ..Can't wait to lose more :) Tue, 22 Jan 2013 21:24:16 EST Day 14-18 :) Been doing GREAT .... 18 days later and I'm down 11.5 lbs :) not sure if that is good or not but I feel AMAZING... I been keeping up with my goal of working out 3 days a week. Had a family issue come up so been a little depressed but still hanging in there.... :) Thu, 17 Jan 2013 21:28:54 EST Day 12 & 13 :) I have still been doing pretty good... I had my cheat meal last night which was 10 boneless wings with blue cheese.. YUMMM :) I know it's really not a cheat meal bc it's still chicken but I was craving it all day and do every friday for some reason.. We also went out to lunch today and I got smothered ck which I know is not the healthiest thing but I had to change it up a bit plus I put it on my food tracker so I'm covered...Went to the gym yesterday (Friday) but didn't get to go today seeing... Sat, 12 Jan 2013 18:46:10 EST Day 11 :) Was not feeling so great this morning just super tired I think it's the energy pills I'm taking I feel great all day but the next morning before I take it I'm SO tired. I ended up calling into work late thought I was going to nap but decided to get up and hit the gym instead before I went it. Felt a whole lot better after that :) I'm down to 309.5 which is 8.5 lbs since last Sunday :) Only 9.5 to get under 300 which is my biggest goal right now... I'm going to the gym tomorrow and will weight... Thu, 10 Jan 2013 18:49:59 EST Day 10 :) Today I didn't do as great as I have been doing but it was still a good day... I had several cookies at work today :( but I'm not mad at myself bc I have done an amazing job so far & 10 days is the longest I have ever made it.. I weighed in today and am now down 8lbs :) plan on working these cookies off tomorrow at the gym...I'm definitely not falling off the train just took a detour :).. back at it tomorrow :) Wed, 9 Jan 2013 21:05:54 EST Day 9 :) Felling good today, decided to start working out right before work since I work 2nd shift. I go in at 2, so now I'm going to the gym at noon working out showering then heading to work. ( the gym is right by work) today was the first day I tried that and think it will workout pretty well..I am feeling a little discouraged today, just bc I have made lots of changes to my diet and still have not lost much weight.. I figured only water would help me drop a bit and I've reconstructed my whole menu... Tue, 8 Jan 2013 18:57:51 EST Day 6,7 & 8 I didn't get to write this weekend bc we were out of town. so here it goes, Friday night I had splurge meal after 5 days of doing GREAT I have 7 boneless wings :) Saturday we were on the road so for breakfast I have McDonald oatmeal.. Lunch we ate out but I had grilled ck, broccoli and 1/2 a sweet potato.. I just snacked for dinner but it still stayed in my cal range for the day...Sunday I did a little wore for lunch bc we got a free meal at the offroad park we were at so I had a scoop of w... Mon, 7 Jan 2013 18:47:32 EST Day 5 :) Today has been a good day so far :) It's suppose to be my splurge day but decided I wasn't going to splurge all day just one meal which will be dinner and it's going to be some boneless mild wings Yummm...I have been waiting for them all yeah I also had a cookie and 1/2 this morning ://but I have done AWESOME all week so I'm not mad at myself.. This weekend will be the big test, I usually do the worst on weekends and were going out of town, so the challenge will begin UGH I'm no... Fri, 4 Jan 2013 18:50:04 EST Day 4 :) Today was my first day back to the gym since I started the new me transformation & it was AMAZING... I felt so great after, I forgot how great that feeling was.. I set a new goal today, instead of concentrating on my weight I'm going to set a goal to workout at least 3 days a week, that way I'm not looking at my goal weight everyday and thinking how am I ever going to get there... So this goal for me is a good start.. I'm excited about to going to the gym tomorrow & feeling as great as I did ... Thu, 3 Jan 2013 21:35:20 EST Day 3 :) Today has been GREAT!! Everything I ate was healthy and I actually enjoyed it. I did eat 3 pieces of chocolate covered nuts I got for Xmas ( they are from Hawaii) but that's good considering I would have usually ate the WHOLE I just couldn't help it.. The only thing I was disappointed in myself for today was I didn't go to the gym...Working 2nd shift sucks and getting off at 1030 staying up till 2 and getting up at 9 SUCKS... but I plan on going forsure tomorrow and now I have 2 me... Wed, 2 Jan 2013 20:15:58 EST Day 2 :) Welp the last 2 days for some reason have been a lot easier then any other time before... Eating heather hasn't been a problem only water no problem... I think this time is the right time.. I know I'm getting a head of myself considering it's only day 2, I just want to stay positive this time too.. I know I can do this & stick with it... I'm ready for all the challenges a head to become a better me ... <em>104</em> Tue, 1 Jan 2013 17:56:24 EST Day 1 :) Welp it's Day 1 of a new beginning for a New Year.. I'm really excited and determined to form a better me. I'm making some major changes as of today. I bought a kids portion plate ( Winnie the pooh) and I'm going to start using that for my meals.. 4 spots protein, veggies, fruits & fat :) I also started these new pills that are suppose to help with energy which is my biggest issue so I hope they give me the push i need to stick with this. I'm going to take pics of all my meals and everything ... Mon, 31 Dec 2012 13:32:38 EST Depressed ;( Today I am thankful to be alive & have all the wonderful people I have in my life. but today I am not happy with myself, I have gained so much weight in the last 2 yrs I don't even recognize myself anymore when I look in the mirror. I look in the mirror and point out every flaw I have from head to toe. I'm so scared of hitting 30 and being as over weight as I am today or even heavier. I have always had depression issues ( seems like it runs in the family) & take meds to help keep it under con... Sun, 16 Dec 2012 21:22:50 EST Dont know where to start Ugh I'm not sure where to start, I keep falling off the wagon and gained more weight :( I'm really depressed and not happy with myself at all.. I have the best boyfriend & an awesome job but I won't ever be completely happy until I get myself together.. But where do I begin??? I have no energy or motivation....HELP!!! Thu, 13 Dec 2012 17:41:13 EST Excited Monday I went to the weight MD and he put me on Topamax, phentermine & a water pill...Already I have lost 5 lbs... I know it's probley just water weight but 5lbs is 5lbs to me... The meds have really been helping with my appetite and energy...I'm really feeling good about this time... I PRAY I can stick with it bc I am really wanting to lose 100 by spring..... wish me luck :) Wed, 12 Sep 2012 17:35:08 EST MD appointment SO I went to the MD yesterday and they put me on a 1200-1500 cal diet :( which I guess is helping me out but it sucks for them to tell you your fat.. my blood pressure was also high so they were worried about that..They decided to get me back on track with my PCOS bc that will help me lose weight ( I hope anyways) I'm just hoping this all come together bc I'm tired of being who I am these days... Wed, 22 Aug 2012 14:40:20 EST 5 miles So yesterday me my bf & little bro went hiking it ended up being about 5 miles... and let me tell you the only time I wanted to give up was when I walking up the hill to get to the truck...i could see the truck & I was outta breath but I pushed right through it thanks to the help of my bf who said he had my back :) I felt great and today oh man am i sore...whooo sooo it was well worth it...we plan on trying to hike every weekend I have off...I'm ready to be more active... Sun, 12 Aug 2012 18:30:48 EST Why I really want to lose weight I don't want to lose weight to look better.. I want to lose it to feel better & sleep better. I'm sure once I started losing, the headaches would stop the acheness would stop and the sleep would start... but getting the motivation to actually get up and do it is like pulling teeth.. I keep making excuses after excuses so I don't have to do it and at the end of the day I'm pissed bc I put it off once again...I'm only 26 I have time to get it together...I NEEEDDD to feel better... ugh Wed, 8 Aug 2012 21:45:44 EST Stress messes up everything I have been doing so good and losing weight but this weekend I messed up bc i have been working morning to night.. I feel overly tired and can hardley keep my eyes open long enough to write this.. I just need to get it back together bc i was doing great,,,ugh what to do,... Sat, 28 Jul 2012 17:52:27 EST Down 8lbs As of yesterday 7-24-12 I am down 8lbs YAY..I'm so excited about it... & I'm much more determined then every other time...I think it might be my 26th bday coming & I feel like it;s time to get it together....I dunno, but whatever it is I'll take it :) Wed, 25 Jul 2012 15:06:59 EST It's Monday.... Well I didn't go to the gym this weekend even know I really wanted to but I was just sooo busy ...I did go mon-fri last week though and twice on tuesday :) I also got my test results back from the Md and my thyroid is apparently normal but i have a V-D deficiencies so I'm going to start taking some of that should help with some of the problems I;'m having... Hope everyone is having a great day, I sure am :) Mon, 23 Jul 2012 10:35:48 EST Tomorrow's a new day Well tomorrow is the day, I'm jumping back on the healthy train :) I am ready to get myself together & get back on track..I made a food/weight journal today and added a bunch of motivational quotes in it... I will also be measuring my self tonight and taking before pics..Guess I'll post them on here so everyone can see what I'm working with....Wish me luck :) Sun, 15 Jul 2012 21:46:59 EST I'm tired of eating. You ever get to the point you are just tired of eating?? well thats me now. I'm just ready to get back on track and get myself together...when I write my goals down on paper they look doable and 90lbs really does not seem like that much when you think about it but HOW do I do it... I have a membership @ snap fitness and plan on starting back on Monday but it's hard to do when you don't have someone to tag along with you...Everyone I know either lives on the other side of town or we work diffr... Fri, 13 Jul 2012 22:05:05 EST 7-9-12 A New beginning Welp I fell off the train for a long while only like a month and gained 12lbs :( ugh... I'm going to the Md tomorrow to get my thyroid checked (bc something is going on) and also starting my some new habits.. My new goal is to eat one fruit and one veggie per meal. Also want to get back to working out...I have a gym membership and NEVER use it.,.,., I really want to get back on track I'm just not happy with myself anymore and it's making unhappy with the other things in my life....Wish me luc... Mon, 9 Jul 2012 01:11:50 EST I'm not good at this I'm really not good at this motivstion, working out sticking to it thing... I dunno y, I buy my own food, I have plenty of time but i just keep making excuses & there's NO REASON .. I just dont know how to get past this. Tue, 19 Jun 2012 21:46:18 EST Fell off the wagon Welp I fell off the wagon after 2 weeks of doing so good... Yesterday i stayed in my calories but it was all bad stuff then this morning I had to work in the am ( I am not a morning person) & i had a donut and french vanilla coffee ugh... I am just so stressed out & the bf is being a jerk so it makes it worse...I dunno what I am going to do anymore.. Sat, 26 May 2012 15:11:00 EST Hard to stay away from the scale Welp I have the scale in my kitchen & it is soo hard to stay away from it when I get up in the morning...So I got back on it this morning & lost another lb..YAY I love seeing results.... :) Thu, 24 May 2012 15:04:50 EST