RAEB84's SparkPeople Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=RAEB84 RAEB84's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community SparkPeople.com http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ The "Have To" http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3977924 I have a really major mental issue about weight loss sometimes. Up until recently, I've been pretty ok about losing weight for myself--for my general happiness, my fitness, my vanity, etc. But in December, my cousin, who had decided that she wanted me in her wedding in May (back in August she actually decided, but in December the work began), started looking at dresses for bridesmaids. Well...bridesmaids dresses are a huge pain in the ass. She wants purple--fine. But she wants a dress th... Mon, 31 Jan 2011 16:46:50 EST Return to Personal Trainer Day 1 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3922244 I've been feeling stagnant in my weights workouts for awhile, which isn't awful if I keep doing it, but I was getting to the point of just annoyance and half-assed weight lifting. I've just upped my weight numbers (200 (up 20) lbs on leg press, 35 (up 10) lbs chest press on the cable machine, 60 (up 15) lbs on lat pull down, etc), but that made me feel more like a body builder than that I was slimming my muscles. <BR> <BR> So, I resigned up for personal trainer and today was my first day ... Thu, 13 Jan 2011 17:36:15 EST Feel the Burn http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3913996 Weird things make me feel thinner. My stomach is never one of those things, but my ankles and my wrists are actually nearly the size that I would like them to be. Does that sound insane? Probably. Who thinks about the size of their ankles and wrists? <BR> <BR> I do. I fear cankles and frists. I want 9 inch ankles--oh, wait!! I HAVE that size ankles (just remeasured them). Yay!!! One thing on my body is the size I want it! <BR> <BR> I want 6.25 inch wrists, and I have 6.66 inch wr... Tue, 11 Jan 2011 12:46:44 EST Weirdos at the Gym...and Jury Duty! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3886181 Well. Day 1 of jury duty went surprisingly well. I got called for a pool in a case, and we'll see if I get a chance to stay in the trial. It would actually be an interesting one, although I might be bias because of the subject matter. <BR> <BR> The unfortunate part of this...I do have to be there all two weeks, so that temp job offer was rescinded. I knew it was going to happen, and I'm not too disappointed. I'm going to try and do a CLE program this month than as well, since I have th... Mon, 3 Jan 2011 21:31:46 EST The End of 2010...the more recent bad and good bits http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3874845 I had a VERY inauspicious end to 2010. This morning, stopping for a coffee, I was pulling out of my parking spot (SLOWLY, mind you) and was hit by this barely-legal driver. She couldn't have been more than 16. At first I wasn't positive who hit who, since I didn't see her at all until the actual CRUNCH (there was an SUV next to my SUV). After looking at the damage though, I'm quite positive it was she who hit me. <BR> <BR> Anyway. I was on my way to get my oil changed and tires rotate... Fri, 31 Dec 2010 17:34:44 EST Impressed http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3872485 I'm going to sleep so dang well tonight. I went to the gym and did nearly 2 1/2 hours of workout. Elliptical, weights, treadmill, swimming. LOTS of weights. I didn't realize how much I was doing until I looked up and realized I had spent an hour and 5 minutes already...and I hadn't even done my core stuff! <BR> <BR> I actually was at the gym for 3 hours in total. One of the reasons for that extra 30 minutes...I was stopped while I was doing wood-choppers on the all-purpose cable machi... Thu, 30 Dec 2010 18:33:16 EST If your food can go bad... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3868143 I just read this "eat this, not that" blog entry and at the end it had a tip or link or something that started with, "If your food can go bad, it's good for you. If your food won't go bad, it's bad for you." <BR> <BR> I think that's a really easy way of looking at healthy lifestyle choices (the article before it kind of grossed me out by the way--particularly in reference to fast food burgers and what they are really made of. All I can say is, "ewwwwwwwwwwww."). <BR> <BR> I would have... Tue, 28 Dec 2010 22:57:50 EST I'm going to have to say...suck it December! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3866045 So, I like Yoovie's attitude on the suck it thing. December has been a bit of a rollercoaster. Last week was pretty much me running around like a chicken with its head cut off trying to finish Christmas shopping, grocery shopping, and then running to and fro to 4 hours away to go to a funeral in the middle of the week (more celebration of life than depressing--she was nearly 90), not to mention doing the exact same to and fro journey the previous weekend to visit family. <BR> <BR> So...wh... Tue, 28 Dec 2010 00:55:31 EST Depression sets me back http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3844514 So, I've been out of a job for two full weeks now. Last Sunday I started getting a sore throat that...well, wasn't. It continued into Monday, and then Tuesday. So, on Tuesday I went into urgent care. I had to sing on Saturday and wanted to make sure I didn't have strep throat. He did the test and he came in and talked to me for about 10 minutes about what was happening in my life, my symptoms, and whether I had had any changes in my life in the last couple weeks. I found it quite embarr... Tue, 14 Dec 2010 22:35:35 EST Workout Fiend... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3814866 So, I didn't get the job I applied for. I keep pretending like they are going to call today, but I'm quite positive they won't be. I booked my trip to New Orleans in January, which I'm really excited about. Frankly, that is the one good thing about NOT getting the job. I'm going to keep applying, but I'm trying to come up with a goal for the next six weeks (and then some). <BR> <BR> My goal is to be a workout fiend. Not only is this going to keep me sane while I stress about my job, i... Tue, 30 Nov 2010 15:51:48 EST HELP!!!!! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3812458 Basically, if I had actually, consciously TRIED to have a worse weekend I know it couldn't have happened. I am not going to say that I ended up with food in my hand with no idea how it got there, because every decision (sadly) regarding food this weekend (and lack of exercise) was all on me. I have absolutely zero to be proud of for this weekend (except for throwing out the rest of the pizza that I didn't eat on Saturday night, instead of saving it for further temptation the next day). <B... Mon, 29 Nov 2010 15:40:47 EST I'm Awesome http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3788864 Last time I tried to blog I ended up not being able to save it. Epic FAIL internet! <BR> <BR> Anyway, why am I awesome (other than the obvious, of course)? My awesomeness all revolves around my workouts. <BR> <BR> Let's start with this... <BR> <BR> I've been a little bummed that my weight has been dropping so slowly lately...well, in a six week period (between September 29th and November 12th) I lost 8.55 inches!! That means I have lost over 40 inches since June. That's pretty much... Tue, 16 Nov 2010 21:55:02 EST 10%, Eating Like a Crazy Person and Really Great Workouts... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3774944 So, my eating is a little nutso. Part of it is bored eating...but since I'm actually hungry during the bored eating I'm not entirely sure if my body is just tricking me into feeling hunger when I don't really need the food (I swear, sometimes my body and I are at cross-purposes). I'm going over every day right now--but I'm staying under 1900 calories, and right now that sort of just seems like a win considering how much I want to be eating. Next I will make it under 1800 calories and then ... Wed, 10 Nov 2010 11:14:28 EST Contract with Myself...Rae 1.0 vs. Rae 4.0 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3770188 I went to a religious law school. Seems ironic considering the separation of Church and State, but most of the profs there didn't push religion onto the students...which was great for me, because I am in no way, shape, or form a religious person. However, there was one prof who made this big deal about Contracts and how all Contracts are first, and foremost, a covenant with God. He read Bible passages in class. <BR> <BR> Let's just say that even at a religious school he didn't last long... Mon, 8 Nov 2010 12:17:52 EST A bad day...but finally some recognition http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3766944 Yesterday I did something stupid. Not just a little stupid. REALLY, REALLY stupid. I've been stressed the last half of this week. More stressed than I thought I could be, but I got the impression at work that the contract position I work in was about to be finished. (cross your fingers that it isn't please!) Granted, the only commit to four months, so anytime after four months they can let you go. I've been there one full year now, and I have believed that my contract would probably be... Sat, 6 Nov 2010 23:29:46 EST Broke into the 250s...finally! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3759886 Well, as of this morning I have officially broken into the 250s. Granted, a month ago I wanted to be at that point, but I'm still happy to be here. I've only just barely cracked it at 259.8, but I'll take it. <BR> <BR> It was a tough month--I think I've expressed that one or two times here--but I feel pretty happy knowing that I still made some (a very, very small "some") progress even while I was having a crappy month (oh god a whole MONTH!). <BR> <BR> So, officially, I've lost 28.2 ... Wed, 3 Nov 2010 16:18:32 EST Perfectionism...the worst idea ever http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3756530 I never really think of myself as a perfectionist, but weight loss always brings out that traditional, cliched perfectionist in me. Granted, I hate failing at things generally, but I tend to know my limits in other parts of my life and can figure out how to push them slowly (tentatively, even). Weight loss? Not so much. I am pretty strong anyway, so I can start with a great effort and not lose my momentum for a few months...but the second I have a major setback (like sickness)? Welcome t... Tue, 2 Nov 2010 10:02:54 EST Rage for the "Fatties" http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3747405 Note: prepare for some sarcasm...starting right around paragraph 5 in particular. <BR> <BR> When I was in college we all had "anger" names for when we got a little crazy. My friend Liv was LIVid. Kelly was Chaos. I was Rage...well, because my nickname is Rae. We weren't original, as long as it started with the same sounding letter of our name, we were good to go. <BR> <BR> Well, let me tell you...Rage has come out to play over the last 24 hours. Not because I've been getting crazy, b... Thu, 28 Oct 2010 22:52:28 EST Back to Basics http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3728448 So, yesterday I had a pretty awful (not really, really AWFUL) eating day. I couldn’t tell you how many calories I had…but it was basically a gorge-fest. Not “gorge” as in gorgeous, but “gorge” as in I will be spending some serious time in the 3rd circle of Hell with Cerberus guarding me and the other gluttons. <BR> <BR> I don’t know what caused it, I just know that I got home last night and had stomach cramps because I way, way overdid the whole day. One of the great things about eating... Wed, 20 Oct 2010 12:35:13 EST Baby Steps...again...*le sigh* http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3716818 Sometimes I like to pretend that because I have eaten well and exercised almost daily for an entire summer that I'm actually a health expert now. <BR> <BR> So. Not. True. <BR> <BR> So, as I said my eating habits were beyond wonky this week. I'm giving myself a pass on last week because I was sick, and I went for simple and comforting--it just had to happen. But this week, I didn't have that excuse. Yes, I'm still in that last bit of cough-hanging-on-and-just-won't-go-away stage of ... Fri, 15 Oct 2010 09:28:36 EST Motivational problems... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3713223 I put on my activity feed that I'm having some motivational issues in the food department, and Anajak kindly asked if I wanted to share...so I am. :-) <BR> <BR> This week I finally went back to the gym. I'm happy to be back actually. Monday wasn't a full day of gyming, but yesterday I made up for it with 75 minutes there--including 60 minutes of cardio and almost 20 of weights (I'm rounding down). The gym isn't my problem at the moment though. My eating habits, however, are. <BR> <BR... Wed, 13 Oct 2010 15:48:05 EST Best Laid Plans...but that's ok! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3704606 Well, I have been off of SparkPeople (mostly) for about 10 days now. I left last Thursday for Atlanta (more on that later) and came back on Sunday, at which point I promptly developed an awful cold/bronchitis/something which made anything but sleeping rather difficult. I nearly skipped work one day, but I needed to make up my hours from last week that were missed, so I still went. <BR> <BR> I'm feeling quite a lot better now. I still can't quite go up a full flight of stairs without being... Sat, 9 Oct 2010 23:24:59 EST Leaving on a Jet Plane... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3679207 I am heading out tomorrow morning for Atlanta for a conference. I'm super excited, but I'm also nervous. I am not going to have too much control of what I can eat. All of the meals will be out. I think I'll be ok with breakfast, and if I can find a small grocer downtown I will try and pick up some apples for snacks, but the other things are going to be a bit of a free for all. <BR> <BR> I'm not going to track my calories, because that will be too difficult--doubly so without the Intern... Wed, 29 Sep 2010 10:39:26 EST The 7 Deadly Sins and Weight Loss: Pride http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3676209 I’ve been thinking about this for a few days, trying to reconcile myself with some of the issues I have with losing weight mentally. I think there are so many great aspects to losing weight when you have been overweight/obese for your whole life. I’ve been overweight/obese my whole life, ever since I was in grade school. I think it has taken me this long to reconcile the fact that the pros really do outweigh (hmm, ironic) the cons for me. They don’t outweigh them EVERY day, but most of th... Tue, 28 Sep 2010 08:50:01 EST 20 lbs and 20(plus) inches!!! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3660595 A super quickie before I have to shower for work. <BR> <BR> I thought I was at 20 lbs down officially yesterday, but sometimes my mind plays tricks on me, so I made sure to measure today to double-check. It's true! Down 20 lbs! <BR> <BR> So I thought, "Ok, let's see if I've officially hit 20 inches" (despite my having worked out a little less daily over the last 5 days then usual). <BR> <BR> My former measurements: <BR> Neck: 16.5 <BR> Chest: 50 <BR> Shoulders: 49 <BR> Waist: 47.7... Wed, 22 Sep 2010 07:28:36 EST Unintentionally bad day... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3648587 Well. In some ways this was probably a good day motivation wise, but in other ways it truly sucked. <BR> <BR> My shoulder has been bothering me just a bit. It started last week, just a twinge, but it didn't help much after my personal training session this week. I just pushed it too hard. Then I mucked up my knee a little bit too. It isn't painful, but I had a couple times when it sort of "popped" when I was walking that didn't feel very good either. I did legs strength training yest... Sat, 18 Sep 2010 00:13:34 EST Good Start... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3638986 So my short, little 18 day challenge for myself is going quite well. I have increased my calories to 1500-1900. Stayed within range quite easily the last 3 days. I'm also quite a bit more satisfied and more awake without the need for caffeine! I haven't had caffeine since Friday! Definite bonus. <BR> <BR> Working out is also going well. I did 2 hours on Sunday - yoga and cardio at the gym. One hour yesterday - just cardio. And 1 hour, 45 minutes today. Cardio and a personal traini... Tue, 14 Sep 2010 22:09:38 EST Let's Start at the Very Beginning... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3630558 Julie Andrews knew it...it's a very good place to start. <BR> <BR> I have 18 days until my first "official" check-in with myself. By September 30th I wanted to get to 250 lbs. I have adjusted that, to 258 lbs. That's what I actually SHOULD be at according to SparkPeople. It's also 10% of my body weight. <BR> <BR> Now, I'm not entirely sure if I can do 13 more lbs in 18 days. Healthily. Maybe I will have a good week and lose 7 though, so who knows. My body is sometimes wonky like ... Sun, 12 Sep 2010 13:56:42 EST 4.5 inches! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3627823 I weighed myself this morning. I'm not sure if that was a good idea or a bad one. I lost a pound. In two weeks. Hmmmmmmm. Not happy with that. Granted, I still don't know if I'm in PMS because I haven't gotten my TOM yet. I have a wonky period though, so who knows if I will get it, since I've been skrimping and not taking my BC to make sure I do get it (again, no I'm definitely not pregnant). Hence wonkiness and perma-PMS symptoms. <BR> <BR> I couldn't stop myself though, I had to ... Sat, 11 Sep 2010 12:23:41 EST Shocking! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3626793 Now, for how craptastic of a caloric week it has been for me, one would think I wouldn't be feeling too great in the self-esteem department. One would especially think I wouldn't be in any mood to be ... shopping! <BR> <BR> Well, sometimes the mood strikes at odd times. I haven't really lost one full size yet everywhere, but everything is fitting considerably looser. I had ordered boots from Lane Bryant, because I just couldn't wait until my calves caught up with the rest of my body bef... Sat, 11 Sep 2010 00:10:12 EST Just like a Hoover vac!!! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3624738 That isn't a good thing, obviously, but that is what I have felt like all week. I haven't been hungry, and I know I have been bored as all get out, but I swear I can't stop eating. I don't consider myself a binger, I am more of a grazer, but I might just be moving into that binge category. <BR> <BR> The reason I am so bored? They took away our personal use of the Internet at work. That might now seem like a big deal, most people don't get to use the internet freely at work as far as I know... Fri, 10 Sep 2010 10:09:17 EST Back to the gym...happily http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3616608 I feel so much better having gone to the gym today. I managed about 2 hours there, including 30 minutes with my personal trainer (I dripped...it was so gross...my back is going to kill in two days). It is quite amazing how much crappier I felt with two days off from the gym over the weekend. I think those days off were probably good in the long run, because I seriously rested lots of extra time, but I felt so much better after the gym today it was ridiculous. I was smiling, I was whistlin... Tue, 7 Sep 2010 21:59:18 EST Kick in the pants http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3613056 Well, if I didn't mention it (and I think I may have), I had an awful caloric weekend. Technically, for my amount of usual exercise I was fine...but for my own personal count it was way too high. Saturday, Sunday, and Monday were all too high. Emotionally I was a mess because of my calorie count and because of my issues last week personally. I was exhausted, and I barely exercised. <BR> <BR> Basically...the weekend was a disaster in the health department. <BR> <BR> Then Monday I woke ... Mon, 6 Sep 2010 21:53:59 EST Head...meet desk http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3609362 Hmmmm. Definitely having a beyond off weekend. I'm not hungrier than normal, so I'm not sure why I'm having such a difficult time keeping my calories in check this weekend. It might be because I'm tired, and I really am. I'm just exhausted this weekend. I just ate this gigantic bowl of popcorn...GI-GAN-TIC. That just isn't something that should be applied to food I don't think. <BR> <BR> I woke up, desperately wanting chocolate cake. I said "want" there if you hadn't noticed it. I ... Sun, 5 Sep 2010 16:20:43 EST Best laid plans...whoops! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3607680 Well, tonight was a total whoops night. Actually, probably a whoops day. No, definitely a whoops day. <BR> <BR> I'm not entirely sure if it is leftover emotional stress from yesterday, because I have a harder time recognizing that second day. I tend to think that I'm over something by the next day, even though I know that isn't the case. I'm not feeling particularly down, emotionally, but I'm still off in some ways. Yoga didn't wake me up today, it just tuckered me out even more. I d... Sat, 4 Sep 2010 22:25:02 EST I think I'm having an OCD week... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3606762 I'm just going to blame my period/PMS and get it over with, because I'm seriously crazy right now. God I hope it starts and gets over with ASAP. <BR> <BR> Why do I think I'm having an OCD week? <BR> <BR> I have exercised 212 minutes more than I give myself as a goal this week. <BR> <BR> I have expended 3000 more calories this week than I anticipatedby my usual goal (mostly because of the type of exercise I'm doing, not the extra time--I work HARD when I exercise, I pour sweat for th... Sat, 4 Sep 2010 14:47:14 EST Resentment and Bad Feelings... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3605030 I had a really craptastic interpersonal week. Apparently it has been Bitch Week in Minnesota, and it is making me feel bad about myself. <BR> <BR> The first incident, I was able to ignore. It hurt my feelings a bit, but I brushed it off for the most part. I didn't let it affect my eating and exercising at all, and I still felt fairly well about myself. It was a little snarky comment directed at me during the State Fair. There was a Harlequin tent there, as in Harlequin romance novels.... Fri, 3 Sep 2010 21:02:41 EST Giving up cake...HA! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3603805 I've read a few blogs in the last few days that have mentioned how little they want sweets and treats. Even cake and brownies don't appeal to them. <BR> <BR> Now, I'm all for healthy living at the moment. And within 6 months I think I'll even be able to say, "I'm all for healthy living." Period. But there is a line that I won't be crossing any time soon, and that is the cake line. <BR> <BR> I could probably give up most sweets in my life. That isn't to say I could give up most suga... Fri, 3 Sep 2010 12:23:19 EST Better than anticipated... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3601164 It's happened. It has finally happened. My body no longer likes grease. Didn't realize it was going to happen this early on (really, 3 months isn't that long to be doing this--although I'm quite proud of 3 months eating right). <BR> <BR> So last night was the famous State Fair. I planned out the things that I thought I wanted, and I planned to split most everything with my aunts and mom. Well, I didn't end up eating nearly as much as I thought I would! Well, "nearly as much" is sort ... Thu, 2 Sep 2010 16:37:49 EST Improvements... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3596615 I'm a little obsessed with my calves. I have thick calves. Not fat. They've never been fat, but they are thick. I'm built middle-heavy rather than bottom heavy and I don't have kankles (and won't, according to my PT who says that is actually genetic), so I adore my ankles. If we lived in Regency England I would be set showing my ankles off (scandalously, natch). However, my calves do not live up to the sexiness of my ankles. They are pure muscle. They are power. And they are LARGE. ... Wed, 1 Sep 2010 12:40:19 EST Does walking the State Fair counteract the crap you eat at it? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3594513 My numbers (since I've been neglecting) (1-5, 5 is highest, natch): <BR> <BR> Energy Level - 4 <BR> Sleep Quality - 5 <BR> Sleep Quantity - 7 hours last night <BR> Stress Level - 2 <BR> Hunger Level - 1 <BR> Self-Esteem Level - 4.5 <BR> <BR> So, I have been feeling pretty good this week. I'm still not getting enough sleep in, and I really need to do a little better on that, but that is definitely a process to get into overtime. I won't suddenly start sleeping 8+ hours every night. H... Tue, 31 Aug 2010 22:01:52 EST A balancing act... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3589640 One of the things that I love about my yoga class is the balance it gives me. No, not just physical balance capabilities, but life balance. I walk out having gotten this amazing, tough, sweaty workout - but I feel energized. I feel good. I feel open and happy. <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/8/2/l82080695.jpg"> <BR> <BR> Maybe it is just the yoga classes I am in at the moment, but they talk a lot about balance in class. Again, not just balance physically (alt... Mon, 30 Aug 2010 15:27:44 EST Sometimes you just need a cookie...or 12... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3586911 I didn't actually have 12 cookies (I had 2 1/2), but I did have to have some chocolate today. I was at the store to buy something for dinner (good choices), and really I've been craving. I'm sure I'm PMS-ing (although not as badly as usual), or something because I should be, but I just had this voice saying, "MUST. HAVE. CHOCOLATE." I couldn't satisfy it by saying I could have licorice (which I love), it had to be chocolate or nothing. <BR> <BR> Obviously, nothing would have been a bett... Sun, 29 Aug 2010 21:49:51 EST Ego... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3580397 One of my favorite songs by Beyonce is "Ego." My favorite (non-romance...don't hate) author is Ayn Rand, whose whole philosophy has to do with embracing ego as the ultimate good. This rubs a lot of people the wrong way. <BR> <BR> I decided at the beginning of the year to make the year all about me. Obviously this is not at the expense of my responsibilities, but considering I have very few of those that truly press on my time, that's very doable. I have no spouse or boyfriend, I have n... Fri, 27 Aug 2010 13:01:46 EST Telling someone about weight loss... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3576391 One of my problems with losing weight is that I'm constantly torn about it. I want people to notice. But I don't. I want people to say I look great, but I sometimes get upset when they do because my first thought is, "Didn't I before?" I get defensive, I get angry, and I get hurt. But I feel great when someone notices (and kind of crappy if someone doesn't) that I lost weight. It's like being in a pinball machine in my head when I lose weight. <BR> <BR> One of the articles I read tod... Thu, 26 Aug 2010 10:24:36 EST Who loves a ramble...? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3573715 First off, my levels: <BR> Energy Level - 4 (1-5, 5 being high) <BR> Sleep Quality - 5 (1-5, 5 being high) - woke up 15 minutes before my alarm though, wide awake <BR> Sleep Quantity - 6.75 hours last night (total hours) - despite waking up earlier, I'm quite energized <BR> Stress Level - 3 (1-5, 5 being high), this is pretty consistent <BR> Hunger Level - 2.5 (1-5, 5 being very hungry) <BR> Self-Esteem Level - 5 (1-5, 5 being high), still struttin' like a peacock about my inches lost. :-... Wed, 25 Aug 2010 14:19:30 EST Baby steps... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3567688 I think it is important for me to think about the baby steps. Sometimes I get a little overwhelmed with the big things and try and do those first, and then I miss the small things that I do that are good too. I had a couple of those today though, that I'd like to recognize. <BR> <BR> Four workouts over a two day weekend was a great idea. Mostly. I didn't feel bad after them, I'm fine physically--I even feel GOOD physically--but boy was I tired today. Oh man. I thought I was going to ta... Mon, 23 Aug 2010 21:44:52 EST Losing inches...LOTS of inches http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3562092 So, I have decided, being that I have absolutely zero to do on the weekends generally, I am going to aim to do two workouts each on Saturday and Sunday. I think this is very doable for me. Plus, if I aim for two and only manage one it isn't so bad. I don't think I will feel bad about that. I'm going to try this out until my first official timeline of September 30, 2010. See how it goes. 5 weeks isn't too long, I don't think, to try this out. <BR> <BR> The best part of the day today tho... Sun, 22 Aug 2010 10:33:44 EST A great day... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3560235 I'm currently still feeling a serious workout high. <BR> <BR> I went to yoga this morning. First morning back. I didn't stop sweating from the time I first moved. It poured off of me. Which, I can promise, despite the gross factor was a good thing because I was working out some serious toxins from last night. <BR> <BR> Last night I semi-decided to have a carb-fest. Part of that was not having a plan for dinner. I could have just had my protein shake and a little something when I got ... Sat, 21 Aug 2010 14:53:21 EST Emotional wreckage http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3557393 So, yesterday I was a bit emotional. I was annoyed, because one of my friends bailed on me last minute (and he isn't a very good liar, even on text, so I know he was bailing so he and his roomie could go out by themselves--why are boys dumb and feel the need to lie? Ok, off topic), and I still cry any time I think about my uncle (or anytime I even read the word "cancer" and the book I read yesterday had the heroine's high school sweetheart die of cancer--bawled). Since I was already upset ... Fri, 20 Aug 2010 14:09:20 EST