QUILTINGB52's SparkPeople Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=QUILTINGB52 QUILTINGB52's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community SparkPeople.com http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ Shoots and Ladders.... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5770889 Do you remember the game of Shoots and Ladders? When I was a young child, I remember playing it often. <BR> <BR> In the beginning of the game, it's all about taking small steps forward, climbing a few steps upward, hitting road blocks, falling down, getting back up and re-trying to get to your goal. The longer you stay in the game, the harder the obstacles become, the climb is steeper, and the "shoots" sometimes take you back to the beginning. <BR> <BR> The higher you climb, the lighte... Mon, 1 Sep 2014 05:50:38 EST I'm stuck in the past..... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5747332 Does the negativity from others change the way you perceive yourself? Or are you strong enough to still be the person you are capable of being? <BR> <BR> My maternal grandmother was a positive influence that made me WANT to "do my best in everything I did". She always told me "you can do anything you make up your mind to do". Although she has been gone 31-years, I hope to be half the person she was. <BR> <BR> Then there were my parents ~ they spent a lifetime tearing apart my world. No ... Sun, 27 Jul 2014 06:49:38 EST My depression makes me angry.... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5699394 One of the hardest lessons in life is letting go. <BR> <BR> Whether it's guilt, anger, love, loss or betrayal. <BR> <BR> Change is never easy. <BR> <BR> We fight to hold on and we fight to let go. Tue, 20 May 2014 17:07:25 EST Challenges of Life... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5468493 Many of us have different types of challenges that tend to clog up our lives ~ emotions, physical, health related, mind-games, etc. How we cope with them can greatly change how we feel about ourselves. <BR> <BR> Are you the type that meets these challenges head on? Do you succumb to the emotions and eat through it? Or do you listen to all the negativity and fill yourself full of self-doubt? <BR> <BR> I have experienced all these and more! <BR> <BR> I grew up in a 'controlling negative... Wed, 28 Aug 2013 03:18:14 EST A Dog Lover's Prayer http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5402233 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/8/7/l879046587.jpg"> <BR> <BR> A year ago, our beloved Buck was laid to rest. Then 10 months later, Wayne was reunited with him. I miss both "my guys", but am comforted to know that they are back together again. In that field of green that I often dream about! <BR> <BR> A DOG LOVER's PRAYER <BR> <BR> My prayer book's unconventional, <BR> An album scarred with age, <BR> The dogs who shared their lives with mine <BR> Stand out on every page. ... Wed, 26 Jun 2013 09:41:03 EST A Whisper, a Song and a Smile http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5378571 Thank you Pam (JUST2OFUS) - I will often thing of Wayne in this way...being as close as a whisper, a smile, and a song. <BR> <BR> April 5th, Wayne headed to Tucson, Arizona for some warm sunny days - away from the Minnesota Winter. He was staying with a guy that had the same interests of viewing the night sky and taking Astro-photography. The morning of April 11th, Wayne died - unexpectedly, in his sleep. <BR> <BR> Who knew that the quiet, shy person I met 36 years ago...would win my hea... Tue, 4 Jun 2013 23:53:44 EST Thank you!!!!!! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5322774 Thank you ALL for the hugs, prayers, love and support!! <BR> <BR> Thursday, when George and Theo came out to tell me the the "Love of my Life" had died...it felt like a freight train had hit me - full force in the chest. It took my breath away... <BR> <BR> It would have been so easy to just curl into a ball and want to follow Wayne...because half my heart died with him! All our hopes and dreams were snatched away...much too soon. <BR> <BR> But in this 'Assisted Living place' (AKA - Hell)... Sun, 14 Apr 2013 12:24:22 EST Broken Heart..... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5320314 Last Friday - Wayne left for Tucson - April 5th. He had met a guy through the internet, they share the same interests for 'viewing the night sky' and he was so excited to have a Spring Break. He would be back April 16th...in time for his next doctor appointment. He has had a miserable year with his back and he finally got approved for his Spinal Chord Stimulator. More than ready to get his life back on track again! <BR> <BR> Wayne and I had our first date - January 1977. We have travele... Fri, 12 Apr 2013 01:37:05 EST Old Challenges........ http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5285192 In case you don't follow my blogs...... <BR> <BR> On Nov 4th, 2012 I headed off to the hospital with a suspected stroke, as I lost all feeling in my right arm. The MRI proved that I did NOT have a stroke, rather I damaged my Brachial Plexus in my Axilla (something snapped in my armpit) and left my right arm use-less! <BR> <BR> Nov 8th I headed off to Cerenity Care - Transitional care unit and began a lengthy exercise program with Physical and Occupational Therapy. Amazing what 2 to 4 hour... Wed, 13 Mar 2013 11:54:46 EST Choices.... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5269891 Once again sleep eludes me and journaling always seems to help me unclutter my mind.... <BR> <BR> When I arrived in Assisted Living - someone asked "Was it your choice to come here?" <BR> <BR> Does anyone chose to have health challenges over life and living? <BR> <BR> What the youth of today don't understand ~ that in a blink of an eye ~ life as you once knew can change drastically and not for the better. So many events in our lives that we take for granted, like standing and walking. On... Sat, 2 Mar 2013 14:42:53 EST Hope......... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5210923 Today started out like many other days.....that 7:30AM wake-up to ..."Ann, here are your morning meds and I brought you toast with grape jelly". Without even rolling over in bed, I smile because Karen has brought me my "usual" for my Continental breakfast. <BR> <BR> Today was also my bath day - a weekly event and it feels SO GOOD!! Thoughts of staying in that hot shower did cross my mind - but I had to get back to my room to dress and get ready for my Occupational therapy at 9:30AM. <BR... Thu, 17 Jan 2013 01:06:22 EST Tears in my ears..... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5204315 The weekend started out like any other day....getting up early has become my "new norm". I quickly unwrapped my legs, massaged them, cleaned & completed a skin check, lotioned them up good and started wrapping them back up. To be "compliant" this will also become part of my new norm. <BR> <BR> I headed over to the dining room and noticed "the guys" weren't there yet...wheeled backwards to their room and checked to see if they were joining me for breakfast? It's always more fun when "the g... Sat, 12 Jan 2013 22:47:36 EST Roller Coaster Care.... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5194724 Many troubling thoughts are in the fore-front these days. Dooms day has arrived and I am not standing or walking. <BR> <BR> Physical therapy released me this morning and I have many mixed thoughts racing through my mind... <BR> <BR> * In the beginning, they stated they have an aggressive therapy program and WILL have me up walking before I leave. Perhaps they shouldn't make promises they don't intend to keep! And those basic exercises are aggressive? Hardly.... <BR> <BR> * They often ... Mon, 7 Jan 2013 10:34:10 EST Christmas Miracle.... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5174849 Many things are weighing heavy on my mind and this week I MUST make strides of improvement. I have until the 27th to improve from my last weekly review or I will be denied further coverage. <BR> <BR> I am at that point of plateauing - but not from lack of trying. Each day I push myself to the brink, shaking uncontrollably from the pain in my legs - fighting to get beyond my last "record breaking day". <BR> <BR> They say that my case is unique and in the beginning of my stay, they ALL said... Mon, 24 Dec 2012 00:46:48 EST Anything is possible.... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5173052 Thursday morning, I attended a "Care Conference" with the Social Worker, Erin - my Physical Therapist, and Tanya my Occupational Therapist. We discussed how my therapy has been progressing and then talked about future plans. <BR> <BR> It's a conversation that I have been avoiding - because the first time Tanya and I talked about it, I spent the rest of the afternoon staring out the window...with tears streaming down my face. Long Term Care - feels like I'm giving in and giving up and I wil... Fri, 21 Dec 2012 16:39:31 EST Face lift...... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5166974 It was one of those days.... <BR> <BR> Here in the Care Center - we "patients" are often interrupted during our sleeping hours. You would think that SLEEP would be the number 1 priority - considering the long, grueling hours that we spend in therapy each day. <BR> <BR> But never-the-less, I was awakened at 2AM for vitals, at 5 AM for an INR blood test and then at 7:20 AM because I had my FIRST therapy session - within the next 10 minutes. Obviously, not every therapist knows that I "don't... Sat, 15 Dec 2012 01:15:50 EST New Tricks..... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5164972 I'm finding that as age takes it's toll on our abilities to cope with the health challenges that we deal with each day....we learn how to adapt to our surroundings. <BR> <BR> Life here in the Care Center runs on different rules than outside in the "real world"....yet we are all human. We re-learn to move dormant muscles, learning to stretch and strengthen, improving from one day to they next. Those of us that are in Transition care learn to encourage each other as we take many baby steps t... Wed, 12 Dec 2012 23:56:36 EST Cerenity Care http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5161617 How quickly my life has changed......AGAIN! <BR> <BR> Nov 4th - while attempting to get to the bathroom, something in my right armpit snapped and left my arm - useless. It scared the heck out of me, as it was numb from my shoulder to my fingers. The EMT's and volunteer fire department spent an hour trying to get me turned in my stair chair, as my engorged legs didn't want to fit between the chair and the wall. <BR> <BR> The fire department already told me that they do NOT want me to retur... Sun, 9 Dec 2012 23:25:10 EST Rock Bottom... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5113846 In managing your life - unknown events can quickly spiral things into a tailspin and hitting "rock bottom" seems to be a reoccurring pattern I am experiencing, long before I seek out help and assistance. <BR> <BR> I think this stems from my childhood. You see my mother was an extremely prideful woman. In her mind it was totally unacceptable to EVER ask others for assistance. <BR> <BR> In 1996, I went through corporate downsizing. Prior to these events, I felt confident, safe and secure i... Fri, 26 Oct 2012 15:27:18 EST Mid-week trivial things..... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5110732 Copied this from EACHDAYAGIFT <BR> <BR> Not as easy as you might think! Copy and Paste into your own blog, change the answers to suit you. It's really hard to only use one word answers. <BR> <BR> Where is your cell phone? <BR> Store <BR> <BR> Spouse? <BR> Unknown <BR> <BR> Your hair? <BR> Jagged <BR> <BR> Your mother? <BR> Dead <BR> <BR> Your father? <BR> Expired <BR> <BR> Your favorite thing? <BR> Sleep <BR> <BR> Your dream last night? <BR> Flying <BR> <BR> Favorite drin... Wed, 24 Oct 2012 04:19:58 EST The Elephant Rope http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5085781 The Elephant Rope <BR> <BR> As a man was passing the elephants, he suddenly stopped, confused by the fact that these huge creatures were being held by only a small rope tied to their front leg. No chains, no cages. It was obvious that the elephants could, at anytime, break away from their bonds but for some reason, they did not. <BR> <BR> He saw a trainer nearby and asked why these animals just stood there and made no attempt to get away. "Well," trainer said, "when they are very young and ... Wed, 3 Oct 2012 21:28:09 EST QUILTING SISTERS... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5039458 SOMETHING FUN TO START OUT THE WEEKEND... <BR> <BR> QUILTING QUIZ: WHAT KIND OF QUILTER ARE YOU? <BR> <BR> A fast, friendly, and 100% frivolous quilting quiz. Keep track of which answers you chose: a, b, or c. Tally your results and see what kind of quilter you are! <BR> <BR> 1. When I start a quilt, I: <BR> <BR> a. Choose a pattern; audition fabrics from my color-sorted bins; oil, clean and change the needle in my machine; and begin. <BR> b. Hit the quilt shop for a few new quilt boo... Fri, 31 Aug 2012 23:33:33 EST Being and becoming... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5031168 Many years ago, I had a youth minister that was all into "Being and Becoming"....seems that's how he ALWAYS looked at life. I always thought he just needed to grow-up...but maybe he really grasped what life was all about. <BR> <BR> Now...I think it's more about becoming comfortable with who you are - being kind to yourself. Am (finally) realizing that I AM WORTHY of so many more things that I give myself credit for. <BR> <BR> On my start page....it says: I try to start every day with a po... Sun, 26 Aug 2012 00:29:09 EST PERFECT........... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5029752 Are you perfect? <BR> <BR> Thankfully, I am NOT! And lately I have begin the work of becoming myself!! <BR> <BR> There came a time in my life ~ back in October 2000 ~ when I had had enough of the verbal and physical abuse from my sister. When something in her life went sour, she took out her aggression on those around her and I was frequently in that path. <BR> <BR> I walked away from the drama and the person that created it! I did NOT need that much stress in my life...besides I still... Fri, 24 Aug 2012 19:49:13 EST Self-esteem.... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5026827 Do you ever have "light bulb moments" after reading an article in SP? <BR> <BR> This one jumped out at me and was a powerful statement.... <BR> <BR> YOU WILL NOT DO YOUR BEST TO IMPROVE YOURSELF....UNLESS YOU FEEL SELF-WORTH AND HAVE RESPECT FOR YOURSELF!!! <BR> <BR> Since I was young - I journaled my thoughts. But I am certain that I never put any focus on listing my positive traits or accomplishments. <BR> <BR> So, Monday I decided to try and list FIVE accomplishments that I had made d... Wed, 22 Aug 2012 19:02:28 EST DO OVER.......... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4995729 Do you remember when we were kids...we'd be playing some game and the results weren't exactly as we planned, so we would shout out "Do Over". <BR> <BR> This week, I've had several of those days - all piled up together! <BR> <BR> I feel like I don't matter in anyone's life. Slowly one-by-one, everyone is exiting and I just want to shout ~ Come back, it's a do over!! <BR> <BR> When you go through childhood, you look to your parents for guidance and direction. What I received was ridicule... Wed, 1 Aug 2012 03:57:32 EST I'M DONE.....I GIVE UP..... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4960466 Yup...you heard me! I'm done struggling....I give up and I give in!! These thoughts traveled through my being - ALL day yesterday. This is TOO HARD, nothing changes, nothing improves, there is too much pain...I want off the wagon! <BR> <BR> I cried a lot - gathered 'Blackie' into my arms, laid down on my bed and quickly fell asleep with tears in my ears. Actually, it felt pretty good just to lay in bed (almost) all day, stretch out and consider what my options are. <BR> <BR> But most of... Sun, 8 Jul 2012 12:07:33 EST Farewell old friend..... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4942552 Back in the fall of 2007, Wayne called to tell me that he was adopting an 8 year black boy... <BR> <BR> Our black boy, named Buck, came at a point in my life when I was dealing with major depression. I had been out of work since 2004, had become disabled and generally didn't care if I lived or died. Buck's unconditional love gave me a reason to get out of bed every morning and he quickly become the center of our lives! <BR> <BR> To some he would be considered just a pet. But to those o... Tue, 26 Jun 2012 00:42:21 EST Fabric Alert Warning.... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4927231 Chemical Warning: <BR> A recent study indicated that fabric gives off certain Pheromones that actually hypnotize women and cause them to purchase unreasonable amounts. When stored in large quantities in enclosed spaces, the Pheromones (in the fabric) causes memory loss and induces the nesting syndrome (similar to the one squirrels have before the onset of winter i.e. storing food). Therefore perpetuating their species and not having a population loss due to their kind being cut into pieces an... Fri, 15 Jun 2012 05:25:15 EST What's inside...... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4881267 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/3/4/l342013962.jpg"> <BR> <BR> A pencil maker told the pencil five important lessons just before putting it in the box: <BR> <BR> 1. Everything you do will always leave a mark. <BR> <BR> 2. You can always correct the mistakes you make. <BR> <BR> 3. What is important is what is inside of you. <BR> <BR> 4. In life, you will undergo painful sharpening, which will only make you better. <BR> <BR> 5. To be the best pencil, you must allow yourself... Mon, 14 May 2012 16:44:08 EST Tomorrow.... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4879020 Wouldn't life be perfect if.......... <BR> <BR> ...sweatpants were sexy. <BR> <BR> ...Mondays were fun. <BR> <BR> ...Junk food didn't make you fat. <BR> <BR> ...Girls didn't cause so much drama. <BR> <BR> ...Guys weren't so confusing. <BR> <BR> ...and goodbyes only meant until tomorrow. Sun, 13 May 2012 03:56:51 EST Inch by Inch.... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4803296 One of my favorite Peter, Paul and Mary songs is: Garden Song <BR> <BR> Inch by inch, row by row <BR> I'm gonna make this garden grow <BR> All it takes is a rake and a hoe <BR> And a piece of fertile ground. <BR> <BR> Inch by inch, row by row <BR> Someone bless these seeds I sow <BR> Someone warm them from below <BR> Till the rain comes tumbling down. <BR> <BR> Pulling weeds and picking stones <BR> We are made of dreams and bones <BR> I need seeds to grow my own <BR> Cause the time is clos... Sat, 24 Mar 2012 22:21:08 EST 76 Trombones http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4800421 What do you enjoy doing for exercise? <BR> <BR> Mobility challenges make walking, climbing stairs, and standing without aid - pretty miserable. So...I looked for other ways to get in movement while sitting in my chair. My chair has adjustable legs, so I am able to raise or lower the height, which helps standing up a bit easier. <BR> <BR> When I first began exercising I was using a CD from the Arthritis Foundation. It worked my upper torso including: neck, shoulders, arms, fingers, and ... Thu, 22 Mar 2012 21:22:28 EST Daily Struggles... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4781099 Welcome to my pity party...we all have them, some more frequently than others. This mornings thoughts wander back to a question from yesterday ~ "what makes you think you can travel?" Self-doubt quickly surfaced... <BR> <BR> So today I'm questioning why I try so hard every day to improve on the day before, when nothing ever changes? <BR> <BR> You see, I struggle EVERY day with Lymphedema. Don't feel bad if you don't know what this is. Thousands of people have this incurable disease, yet... Sat, 10 Mar 2012 19:28:11 EST Dad's Toolbox.... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4664847 My Dad's Toolbox <BR> Is a lot like him....sturdy. <BR> Been through a lot. <BR> Made for hard work. <BR> Held more inside, than you ever guess... <BR> Sometimes, he would ask me to pass <BR> him a tool, and I would know what he knew.... <BR> How it felt to set things right, <BR> To make things better....to care. <BR> Over the years, my dad's toolbox <BR> has gotten heavy...heavy with memories. <BR> Shiny. Time worn. <BR> Each perfect in its own way... <BR> Memories of things set right, <BR>... Sat, 7 Jan 2012 20:30:34 EST The glue and my hero... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4604766 Through the years, my mother was the glue that held the family unit together. No matter where our lives led us, mom knew what each of us was doing and would report to the others what was going on in each others lives. <BR> <BR> My mother was a care-giver....always ready and willing to help others. She cared for sick relatives; worked at church as a mentor, spiritual leader, or just answered phones; she often volunteered her time at the hospital, with VEAP and was always oncall at a moments... Tue, 29 Nov 2011 17:26:16 EST Finding Gratitude.... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4567870 Gratitude is not the same as giving thanks. I think gratitude comes from a deeper place, a place that knows the story could have ended differently and often it does. <BR> <BR> Gratitude is surviving the worst thing you can imagine and realizing you are still standing. <BR> <BR> I am grateful for the love and support of friends as I anxiously awaited tests and sighed relief when the results showed no signs of cancer...for now. <BR> <BR> Gratitude is knowing I have all the tools I need, rig... Fri, 4 Nov 2011 08:35:06 EST Companions.......... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4537532 It's no secret...I am struggling with chronic physical pain. Since April, I was able to put on my big girl panties (daily), be upbeat and continue onward. I would acknowledge the pain but wasn't willing to give in to it. There were even days that I pushed myself to accomplish a task, which I would pay for several days later. Yet it still felt like I had completed a task and allowed me to focus on future challenges. <BR> <BR> It's also no secret that my Lymphedema is out-of-control. Whil... Sun, 16 Oct 2011 00:07:46 EST KINABALU http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4500705 Mount Kinabalu is a prominent moutain on the island of Boreneo, located in East Malaysia. <BR> <BR> My quilt ~ Kinabalu is like the Malaysian mountain for which it's named, this quilt has an unmistakable richness of color and form. <BR> <BR> I often refer to the similarities between quilting & weight-loss. Just like in weight-loss, us quilters have tools ~ a mat to lay our fabrics on, a ruler to measure our strips and a cutting tool to obtain the desired widths. <BR> <BR> When I started... Fri, 23 Sep 2011 19:52:21 EST FOOD FRUSTRATIONS....... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4441673 I'm having many food frustrations of late.... <BR> <BR> Since I'm high-risk for Osteoporosis - I get yearly exams for bone density. The nurses always emphasize that the foods that are good for bone health are dairy products and your dark leafy greens. <BR> <BR> Dairy products have slowly gone by the wayside, as I have gotten older I've become intolerant to these products. <BR> <BR> The Nutritionist has a huge list of foods to help me on this healthy journey, like: dark leafy greens (spina... Mon, 22 Aug 2011 11:37:25 EST Emotional over-eating....... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4339734 I AM AN EMOTIONAL OVER-EATER!! <BR> <BR> Trust me, this is NOT just about the negativity in life. It's also about celebrating the good things that life throws your way. <BR> <BR> Think about this.... <BR> <BR> How many 'work meetings' have you attended where they did NOT provide food or drink? <BR> <BR> How often do you gather with friends or family and your time together is NOT centered around "what shall we eat"? <BR> <BR> My negative emotional eating blocked my pain, sadness, abuse, ... Mon, 4 Jul 2011 00:10:52 EST The Woman Within Me... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4336565 There is a secret buried deep within the crevices of my being. Many years ago, I built a sheltering wall around me. Food was my "tool of comfort" and any time I experienced negativity, frustration, rejection, abuse or sadness ~ I slipped deeper and further beneath another layer. <BR> <BR> Years passed by and those "walls of protection" were also keeping me from the things I desired the most. <BR> <BR> The year that my best girl-friend and grandmother died, was when I slipped into deep dep... Sat, 2 Jul 2011 02:04:12 EST I can see.... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4228482 Tuesday afternoon, when the anticipation of pre-surgery jitters hit....I called a couple friends. I actually FELT my emtions. This was a HUGE step for me....instead of comforthing myself with food, I reached out and talked about my feelings. I kept busy, trying to keep my day as normal as possible. <BR> <BR> When I walked into the hospital Wednesday ~ I had a good nights rest and felt confident it would be a "good day". Another big first....my anxiety was at it's lowest. <BR> <BR> From ... Thu, 12 May 2011 16:38:41 EST Jitter-bug...... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4224272 No......I'm not learning a new dance step.....well, not yet.... <BR> <BR> I have a case of the jitters ~ the kind that comes before heading in for surgery. The little worries that clog the mind and creates restless sleep. <BR> <BR> I've been at this point many times in my life and as I rattled off my different surgeries to the hospital nurse, I realized that last century's surgeries happened almost every 10 years apart: 1964 tonsillectomy, 1972 breast biopsy, 1982 ortho knee, and 1996 sh... Tue, 10 May 2011 22:41:06 EST Untie the knots...... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4104086 The Knots Prayer <BR> <BR> Dear God: <BR> Please untie the knots <BR> that are in my mind, <BR> my heart and my life. <BR> Remove the have nots, <BR> the can nots and the do nots <BR> that I have in my mind. <BR> <BR> Erase the will nots, <BR> may nots, <BR> might nots that may find <BR> a home in my heart. <BR> <BR> Release me from the could nots, <BR> would nots and <BR> should nots that obstruct my life. <BR> <BR> And most of all, <BR> Dear God, <BR> I ask that you remove from my mind... Sun, 20 Mar 2011 00:22:20 EST Freedom Rider...... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4080553 Every time I talk about my "Freedom Rider" I picture myself decked out in leather & straddling a big ol' Harley!! Yea.......in my dreams!!! <BR> <BR> On Valentine's Day my dearest friend bought me a chair lift ~ which I have dubbed my "Freedom Rider". In four short days after measuring my stairway, the rails and chair arrived. The installation of this bad boy is bolted into the stair treads, positioned about 12 inches from the right side-wall of the stairway. <BR> <BR> Friends no longer... Thu, 10 Mar 2011 02:18:24 EST Ta - Da............ http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4047522 This time last week, the sun was shinning brightly - snow was quickly melting and the yard was starting to emerge once again. Spring was finally coming back to Minnesota - or so one would think. <BR> <BR> Well, Mother Nature was just teasing us....because two days later the wind was making the trees sway rymthically and snow was swirling around the house. As the day progressed, the snow flakes danced, swirled and grew fatter. Soon that field out back was obstructed from view. And at the ... Fri, 25 Feb 2011 15:48:44 EST Bear facts...... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3956754 In Ely, Minnesota there is a North American Bear Center. They have cameras in bear dens and I have been monitoring them daily since the beginning of January - hoping to catch a glimpse of newborn cubs. <BR> <BR> On Thursday, January 20th, Lily was arching her back towards the entrance of the den and later that day she had her twin cubs. Lily also has a cub - Hope - from last year, which is unusual as female bears usually mate every 2 years. <BR> <BR> As my girl friend and I watched the li... Mon, 24 Jan 2011 16:04:04 EST Opportunity... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3913056 "We will open the book. Its pages are blank. <BR> We are going to put words on them ourselves. <BR> The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year's Day. " <BR> ~ Edith Lovejoy Pierce <BR> <BR> At Thanksgiving ~ I had finally hit rock-bottom, I was alone with my thoughts and decided I not just needed, but I wanted to change my "home-bound" status to something more positive. The challenge to exercise 10 minutes per day was set into motion. <BR> <BR> I didn't wait till ... Tue, 11 Jan 2011 08:40:09 EST Spirit of Christmas future..... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3858598 To the Spirit of Christmas Future.... <BR> <BR> My 5 year goal ~ have the image in my brain match the reflection in my mirror. <BR> <BR> Yearly goals - lose 50# each year. I am currently 8# shy of my first year's goal.. <BR> <BR> New Years was too far away, so Nov 27th I began my exercise challenge - am confident I can carry it to New Years & beyond. It's day 26 and I'm still going...just like the energizer bunny... <BR> <BR> I want to get back to traveling, walking a beach, swim, ride ... Thu, 23 Dec 2010 00:40:51 EST