QUIETCUPOFTEA's SparkPeople Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=QUIETCUPOFTEA QUIETCUPOFTEA's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community SparkPeople.com http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ Derailed http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5186622 i can't remember the last time i logged in to SP. and that's ok. <BR> <BR> a year-and-a-half ago my husband had a massive heart attack. he stopped breathing, had no pulse, but they were able to save him with a defib machine. he underwent a double bypass (though he still has an artery that is 100% blocked). he had a few complications that required hospitalizations, and he now has a permanent AED in his chest. he is on multiple medications and is limited as to what activities he can do. <BR> ... Wed, 2 Jan 2013 17:03:29 EST Befuddled about balance - help! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3740833 Aaargh. i have been working a lot lately. i'm happy about it since i'm getting really nice feedback from the teachers. BUT my spark & exercise has gone right out the window. i can tell i've put on a pound or two...and the body aches are back. so today they called me for work and i said "no". that's the beauty of substitute teaching: it's flexible and i can take the hours i want. SO WHY DO I FEEL GUILTY FOR SAYING NO???? <BR> <BR> i decided when i woke up, that this is the day that i get my b... Tue, 26 Oct 2010 07:10:57 EST Making Your "Current Status" a source for Motivation http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3688380 on friday night, i changed my "current status" to the following: <BR> <BR> "...is looking forward to a spark filled weekend"...... <BR> <BR> but on saturday i was feeling really tired. i was anything BUT sparked. i was going to go swimming with my daughter, but she was playing with a friend. and it was so much easier to put swimming off for another day...& the idea of a nap was really appealing. <BR> <BR> but then i remembered my "current staus". i really DID want to have a sparked weekend... Sun, 3 Oct 2010 08:20:20 EST General News...not earth shattering...just Life http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3651343 i returned to part-time work last week...i'm substitute teaching in my town's schools. just a few days per week. small steps...doesn't sound like much, but it is for this mom who's been home for the last 14 years raising the kids. also, this issue had me in a huge panic attack last spring. one that i actually had to see my doctor about. so this is real progress for me. and i couldn't have done it without the support i've gotten here on Spark. so i am sending out a huge heartfelt "thank you" t... Sun, 19 Sep 2010 08:51:27 EST the ABC's of Me... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3549208 A - August 27th - my birthday... <BR> B - baseball fan. from the red sox to little league, if it involves a bat, ball & glove i'll watch it. <BR> C - cambridge, mass., where i grew up. <BR> D - deep thinker...life is profoundly poignant! <BR> E - elated to be a part of the Spark Community! <BR> F - forty -ish... <BR> G - gratitude. i try to practice it everyday. <BR> H - hate cooking! <BR> I - Ice cream is my downfall...god, i love that stuff! <BR> J- jewelry - i make sterling silver beaded ... Wed, 18 Aug 2010 07:45:34 EST Gifts in the day... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3537924 this afternoon i planned to go to the highschool track & walk my 3 miles. i wasn't motivated but i went anyway. when i got there though, the grounds crew was sweeping the adjacent baseball field. huge red dust clouds were flying onto the track. so i scrapped that idea and drove to the meadow. i took my camera and started walking through the community garden plots. many of the flowers and veggies attract butterflies and birds, so they're lovely to walk through. today as i walked down a path, i... Sat, 14 Aug 2010 23:30:02 EST I should get the biggest piece of the Pie!!!!! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3531657 ...of the pie chart, that is! ... <BR> <BR> i was just mentally breaking down my day: woke up, served 3 breakfasts, wrote out a food shopping list, organized playdates, brought ice water to my husband (he was working a detail the next town over), went food shopping, unloaded groceries, took my daughter & friends to the pond for a walk, served 3 lunches, cleaned the kitchen, washed my husband's uniform, took my boys to the store to buy bike repair kits, came home & made dinner, & consoled 2 u... Thu, 12 Aug 2010 22:37:05 EST A new way to think about the spark wheel http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3510484 when you log in and spin the spark wheel, do you feel bummed if you only get 2 points? sometimes i do...especially if there are some high numbers on the wheel that day. and when i focus on how far it is between trophies... <BR> <BR> ...but then today when i spun it, i thought of a different way of looking at it. it was like "attendance". by spinning the wheel, i am saying "here". and then it became something more important than points or trophies. <BR> <BR> i began to think of it as sayin... Fri, 6 Aug 2010 17:58:35 EST thoughts about Thoughts http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3502979 keep your thoughts small and manageable. <BR> hold them firmly anchored in the day. <BR> when thoughts travel far into the future <BR> they get lost on that uncertain road. <BR> hold them close; then you can see <BR> that you have all you need <BR> though maybe not all you want. <BR> <BR> hold your thoughts to your own path, knowing it's the right one. <BR> keep your thoughts kind & gentle - for yourself and others. <BR> thoughts are very powerful things; <BR> they can change the course of... Wed, 4 Aug 2010 14:16:47 EST The power of exercise http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3498274 i was going to write a long blog yesterday about how awful everything was; how angry i was; how hopeless i felt about my life. everytime i started it, i felt overwhelmed by the magnitude of my problems. so i never posted my blog. here is a short, less volatile version: <BR> <BR> for the past 2 nights, my husband and i have been fighting. at one point he thought he might go stay at his mother's for a while. and then a separate issue came up which i thought we had resolved 2 months ago. but ... Tue, 3 Aug 2010 09:57:11 EST Motivation journal /response http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3481521 i just started stage 3 here on SP. i received an email about what motivates me, and finding the right motivation. <BR> <BR> for now what motivates me is the new job i hope to be doing in the fall. it will require that i be on my feet most or all of the day - 6 1/2 hours! so, i am walking 3 miles, 6x per week, and doing water aerobics. and about 3 months ago, i was looking at foot surgery - i decided to try to lose the weight first to see if i could perhaps avoid surgery. the weight that i ... Thu, 29 Jul 2010 09:46:03 EST Going through the motions http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3471097 not much to say today. i just got back from a walk around the pond. i had a good cry, as it was someplace that me & reilly walked alot. ... <BR> <BR> i am exercising through my grief, but not feeling at all energetic. i figure walking is walking for right now...it beats lying in bed. and eating is fine. i don't have much appetite...my dog used to love carrots, so i cry when i eat one. and he went crazy if i ate a pear, pawing at me til i gave him a piece...yesterday i was putting ice in my w... Mon, 26 Jul 2010 12:51:40 EST still need to write about my dog... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3465018 so now we are back from the vet...reilly went peacefully and i was with him til the end. but i'm home now, and i get the sudden thought that i need to go pick him up from somewhere. or when i put food in the trash, that i have to wrap it tightly so reilly doesn't get into it...i keep thinking he'll walk in the room...my stomach lurches when i remember that he's gone. i know it takes time...it just hurts so deeply now. i love him i love him i love him... <BR> <BR> i don't know how often i wi... Sat, 24 Jul 2010 13:48:11 EST my beloved dog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3461703 tomorrow i will be putting my beloved reilly to sleep....my heart is broken. <BR> <BR> my dearest reilly, <BR> <BR> thank you for your years of companionship...your love....and the joy you brought this family. you will never be forgotten and will live on in our hearts....someday, i know, we will see each other again.... <BR> <BR> with all our love and gratitiude, <BR> <BR> mom, kathryn, georgie, & matthew <BR> <BR> <BR> ....thank you to all my SP friends who have given their prayers a... Fri, 23 Jul 2010 11:37:39 EST My Dog - Update http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3451209 i took my dog to the vet today . i was pleasantly surprised at how understanding he & the tech were. they were very gentle too. basically, they took some urine and blood. they put him on antibiotics and pain meds ... we are awaiting the results of the lab tests to make sure he's not going into kidney failure. i should know in two days. so now my dog is home resting. <BR> <BR> there are other issues with him though: he has artritis in his hind legs. he has a moderate heart murmur. he has a g... Tue, 20 Jul 2010 13:45:44 EST Worried about my dog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3447510 i have an appointment with a vet tomorrow. my 12 (almost 13) year old dog is sick...i don't know what to expect. we may need to consider putting him to sleep. i cannot imagine my house without him. i cannot imagine his bed empty next to mine. i just don't want the inevitable to happen...i never thought this day would come... <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/8/6/l865211740.jpg"> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/6/8/l688759120.jpg"> <BR> <BR> please say some prayers.... Mon, 19 Jul 2010 13:54:43 EST ten thousand mirrors http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3439787 i have a snapshot of me taken when i was 14 years old. i am standing on the racing block, right before i was to begin a swimming race. the shot is from the back. i am wearing a very tight racing suit. my shoulders are broad and well-defined. my back is all muscle that tapers down to a skinny waist. my thighs are all muscle and my calves too. there is not an ounce of extra fat anywhere. i was working out 30 hours a week of swimming, dryland exercises, running, and weightlifting. we swam 8-10 m... Fri, 16 Jul 2010 22:27:45 EST I Can't Do This For 2 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3431150 i am working hard to become healthier and happier. it's a hard enough task even with the full support of people around you. <BR> <BR> ...my husband has been the voice of doom & gloom for many months now. he has had nothing positive to say about anything or to anyone. he is grumpy and irritable. i have talked to him about it and nothing's changed. i offer him healthy foods, but he goes for the white bread & butter as a snack. then he complains everyday "i'm so fat". <BR> <BR> like many o... Wed, 14 Jul 2010 11:49:50 EST Beware of Boredom! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3421976 today was a rather boring day. the outdoor pool was closed due to the torrential downpours we had yesterday. the rain washed some debris into the pool and they needed to clean it out. so we mostly sat around. i did the dishes, unpacked suitcases, folded laundry, and threw another wash in. i spent a long time on SP until my kids demanded the computer. i found myself wandering around kind of aimlessly. and then the oreos started to call me from the cabinet. i ignored them for a while, but final... Sun, 11 Jul 2010 23:38:25 EST "Wellness" is my mantra http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3417673 i love this concept. i love the all-encompassing approach that SP offers. as someone who was anorexic, then bulimic, and then compulsive with food, the idea of striving for wellness instead of just weightloss, is so freeing. food is no longer the focus...no longer the enemy. the idea of wellness reminds me to make nutritious choices that benefit my body. and as food is part of this bigger plan, so is exercise. i used to punish myself with exercise to make up for eating too much. now exercise... Sat, 10 Jul 2010 13:42:02 EST Vacation stress/stress busters journal http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3385855 we are leaving tomorrow for 5 days down the cape. i am thinking about all of the things i have to do: organize the laundry, pack, go food shopping, clean the house, & get my son to his baseball game tonight...then pack the car...my stomach is in knots....though only a 4 on a 1-10 scale... <BR> <BR> we have a house down there...to many people it sounds wonderful, but i NEVER get a true vacation. when we get there, i unpack, clean, cook, do laundry, chauffer and watch the kids at the beach...a... Wed, 30 Jun 2010 11:52:43 EST Using SP to Heal http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3375474 i know i've written about this in different posts, but i wanted to get it all down in one spot. i also wanted to put it in writing, to make it more tangible. and feedback always helps too. <BR> <BR> this past winter & spring was absolute hell. because of financial stress, i had to go back to work. but like most things i do, i went to the extreme, and signed up for full-time. my kids all voiced their various panic and concerns. "Who is going to be home with me?" "What if i'm alone?" "What if ... Sun, 27 Jun 2010 12:26:10 EST Living With Pain http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2529317 ugh - my foot has been an ongoing problem. but i am living with it and sort of learning to exercise despite it. then my elbow acted up...that is finally starting to fade thank god! but now my shoulder blade is excruciatingly painful. (i was diagnosed with bursitis a few years ago..overuse from swimming). i have been resting it and all that - but there is never a day that i can go without motrin. it seems no matter what i do, i never get to a place where i feel good, healthy, and most importa... Mon, 2 Nov 2009 21:53:58 EST Changes & Experiments http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2464477 tonight i went swimming. i took the kids with me, so i didn't do too many laps, but it was fun to play with them. other nights i go just for me and it feels good. i haven't been logging in my food or exercise - i'm going to try to let this lifestyle happen a little more naturally. if i log it in, i tend to be really rigid and beat myself up. i'll see how it goes: if it seems that i need to keep track of it, then i'll resume...i'm trying to really listen to what my body needs instead of reacti... Thu, 8 Oct 2009 22:49:41 EST Back from vacation http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2342392 crap crap crap. back from vacation and it wasn't a healthy one. it was chaotic and i re-injured my foot. i'm supposed to wear orthotics in my sneakers because of a chronic problem. a week of walking barefoot on the beach and in the water has caused severe pain again. even walking was impossible. i did some swimming and playing in the water, but i was really depressed from the pain. my doctor said that if the orthotics don't work, i'll need surgery. i can't even go there!...okay, enough! i'm ... Mon, 24 Aug 2009 15:41:42 EST My demons are getting smaller...they're losing weight too! lol http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2312209 my motivation can be quite a rollercoaster ride sometimes. two days ago i felt confident - convinced i was making real progress. then yesterday i crashed for no apparent reason. i couldn't give myself one good reason why i was doing this. i tried to visualize myself reaching my goal and i thought, "so what". i looked in the mirror and said, "i'm still fat, nothing's changed"....my demons were at it again. so lastnight, my kids were all getting dessert. two got ice cream, the other got cookies... Thu, 13 Aug 2009 10:46:31 EST Birthday Present http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2306993 i can't wait for autumn! the cooler days, the kids in school, the change in foliage. i am also looking forward to fall because my birthday is the end of august and i am giving myself a membership the pool so i can start swimming again. i am really looking forward to adding this exercise option to my routine. who would've thought: a few short months ago, exercise was a nagging "should" in my head. now its an exciting birthday present i'm giving to myself! <em>410</em> <em>409</em> <em>4... Tue, 11 Aug 2009 15:59:04 EST just not myself... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2300897 it's TOM...and i'm so out of sorts that i don't know what to do with myself. suddenly my life feels overwhelming. i feel the need to make a radical change. i think its all my hormones talking, but they're so hard to ignore! like a psychotic martha stewart...ugh. i'm trying to keep the eating down to a minimum. i've been able to make healthy choices (except for the cookies i had with lunch). i can't wait 'til this is over! <em>40</em> <em>28</em> <em>15</em> Sun, 9 Aug 2009 18:06:34 EST a different way of thinking http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2245745 the other day i was on the treadmill at my gym, and all of a sudden i got a thought, "you know, i think i can do this!" i had such a deep sense of being capable of losing weight, of following my plan, of sticking with it. i hadn't yet added strengthening excercises to my routine - i was taking everything slowly. but that moment i knew i was ready. i've done weights twice now, resting a day in-between. today i was sore, so i gave myself a rest day. that would never have happened before - i... Mon, 20 Jul 2009 22:46:35 EST Making Mommy Me Time http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2232619 now that its summer, and all the kids are home, i am finding that they all need me for one thing or another. yesterday i was going to go to the gym - i had a small window of opportunity before my husband had to go back to work. but my son wanted a lift to the pool. the complete opposite direction. i wasn't going to have time to get him there, go to the gym, and get back in time so my husband could go off to work. so i skipped the gym. not great but it was my choice...so now i have to figure ... Wed, 15 Jul 2009 23:17:56 EST frustrated - ugh! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2221548 my hubby is doing construction on our house. although demolition is more like it. last summer he tore down the front outside wall of our livingroom with the idea of putting in a new window. well, here it is 1 year later, and i still am looking at a gutted wall. over the winter he kept wondering why the house was so cold...today he said something about doing something to another wall. i snapped. i want him to finish 1 project!!! ...so added to this, in january he went out and spent $800.00 on ... Sun, 12 Jul 2009 00:11:00 EST food shopping http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2167547 (a lightbulb just went on over my head) <BR> <BR> ...i go food shopping once a week. i usually buy pretty much the same things. to make life easier, i keep a printed food shopping list on my computer. i change just a few items, add or delete others. that way, when i go, i can just whip around the store and save time. it's a great system, except for one small issue (that i didn't even know i had until i joined SP). i NEVER think to try new foods! no wonder i'm bored with my choices! i was re... Sat, 20 Jun 2009 22:03:36 EST too much!!! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2165448 i am so tired. i have been entertaining my kids' neighborhood friends all week. sometimes they've even stayed for dinner. my house has been a chaotic buzz of games, crafts, and snacks. and i am exhausted! i live in a great neighborhood: there are literally 40-50 kids within walking distance. sometimes i feel they're all in my house at once. my door is constantly opening with the comings and goings of all the kids. i have been trying to set aside an afternoon all to myself; where my kids ... Fri, 19 Jun 2009 22:16:59 EST orthotics http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2160876 i went for my orthotics measuring yesterday. i'm nervous about them because i really want them to cure my foot problems. and they cost about $400.00 - a huge chunk of dough to put out for something that might not help. i'm hoping insurance will take care of some of it. i just want to be able to walk comfortably and pain-free again! THEN i can get my butt in gear and really put some excercise into my routine. i feel like i'm on the bench, waiting for the coach to give me the okay to get in t... Thu, 18 Jun 2009 08:32:58 EST I sent off my first resume... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2153753 i emailed my first resume today. i have no idea when to expect a response. but of course, 2 hours after i sent it, i'm checking my email for one. i was antsy all day. i had a ton of housework to do, so i did that. but food was a problem. i didn't have the presence of mind to make good choices. i wish i'd gone to the gym and burned some excess energy that way. this job search stuff is really hard! Mon, 15 Jun 2009 20:59:01 EST A glimmer of understanding http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2148549 lastnight was my son's 4th grade graduation. there was a celebration at the school. i wore a nice pair of slacks (slightly snug unfortunately), and i bought a nice top to go with it. i did my hair - curled, dried, foofed it, and actually wore makeup and jewelry for the first time in many months. and you know, when i walked out the door, i felt okay...i felt pretty. and i realized i had forgotten that sometimes it just takes a little effort......this past winter, i was in a constant state of... Sat, 13 Jun 2009 22:21:19 EST no food in the house http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2141073 its wednesday. my food shopping day is thursday. i had absolutely no food in the house, which sounds like a good thing if your on a diet. ..wrong. when i have no food in the house, i scrounge for it. and what i usually find is not the healthiest of things. so today my food choices were pretty poor. tomorrow i will load up on fruits and veggies, and other healthy choices. i often tell my son after he has a bad game: "some days are like that"....i guess today was one of those days... Wed, 10 Jun 2009 21:42:58 EST Resume writing....blech! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2136026 i would rather go for a root canal!!! after 10 years of being a stay at home mom, and not feeling so great about myself...its so hard to write a strong resume. how do you sell yourself, when you don't believe in the product??!! i look at my resume and the facts are all so old: pre-kids, etc. ...so i beef it up with fancy words, and feel like i'm reading someone else's life story...like i'm a fraud. (the job sounds so exciting though...if by some miracle i got it...)...."sigh".... Tue, 9 Jun 2009 09:31:55 EST my daughter is watching me... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2127062 my 7 year old girl asked me what a diet is. if i gave her my version, it would sound something like this: "well, honey, a diet is something you start when you're about 11, when someone tells you that you're fat. a diet is something you start to punish yourself for eating 2 cupcakes for dessert. a diet is something you start in order to be in with the popular girls. a diet is something you start when you're trying to attract a boyfriend. a diet is something you start so you look good at your ... Fri, 5 Jun 2009 22:13:51 EST impatient http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2121069 today i drank my water and tea. walked about a mile. it was somewhat painful, and i found myself angry that i had given up SP...i wish i could snap my fingers and be at my goal weight. will this struggle ever end? or get easier? Wed, 3 Jun 2009 21:23:39 EST