QUEENCAT25's SparkPeople Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=QUEENCAT25 QUEENCAT25's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community SparkPeople.com http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ Where does the time go? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5517396 I can't believe it's been almost four years since I came to Sparkpeople. That first year and a half held a good amount of success. It was also a precursor to one of the worst times of my life (went through a bad divorce). What I'd give to turn back time and hold onto the weight loss and keep moving forward with it. <BR> <BR> With that said, yes, I gained all the weight back I lost in 2010. Three years later and I'm still here struggling with the same things. Reality definitely set in; that ... Fri, 18 Oct 2013 23:10:42 EST I'm still here. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5419941 It's been almost one year since I've wrote a blog on this page. So much has happened since then. <BR> <BR> My now ex-husband and I divorced on September 5th, 2012. My life was a complete mess. I felt like I was dying. I never thought I'd be able to move forward from that day. My heart has never hurt as bad as it did when I walked out of the court room and knew that I was no longer married. <BR> <BR> But, I have good news! My life has done a complete 180. I'm starting college next month. I... Sat, 13 Jul 2013 15:23:42 EST Trying to move on. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4995249 My husband and I have been off and on for the past couple of years. He left me again on July 5th. This time it's for good. I received the divorce papers about ten days later. Honestly, I have no idea what his problem is. I'm 99.9 percent sure that he's a Narcissist, him and his mom, who supports everything he does. She was always there to stand up for him and blame me after he blew up on me and slapped me or pushed me down. She would say, "How could you make him do this?" <BR> <BR> I shoul... Tue, 31 Jul 2012 19:28:55 EST Feeling Defeated http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4843423 Back in 2010, I managed to lose almost 50 lbs. It was very difficult, but I did it. I still remember the exact day and time that I ruined it all, when I picked up that first package of brownies and ate the whole thing. This journey has been nothing but down from there. The weight keeps piling on, and I can’t seem to stop eating. Emotional eating has been getting the best of me since that day. <BR> <BR> How I wish I could just snap my fingers and turn it all around. Knowing what I’ve done to ... Fri, 20 Apr 2012 00:05:01 EST I'm ready to KILL IT!!! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4829579 After 16 months of sitting around, moping, feeling sorry for myself, being intensely jealous of other women, feeling like I'd be better off dead, and gaining back 50lbs, I am now ready to give this my EVERYTHING. I'm gonna pull myself out of this hole of pity and make something of myself, something for ME to be proud of. I'm tired of feeling like this when it doesn't have to be this way. It DOES NOT have to be this way. I do not have to feel this way anymore. I'm gonna give all those people w... Tue, 10 Apr 2012 23:36:30 EST Update http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4606833 Well, it's almost the New Year once again. One more month to either keep gaining weight or start on my "resolutions" early. This past year has been one of the hardest of my life. My husband and I have lived separetely since January. We've actually talked about divorce a couple times. I can see that he doesn't love me anymore, and that kills me. So that means this past 11 months, I have been emotionally eating my progress away. I'm back where I started back in January of 2010. I feel like a co... Wed, 30 Nov 2011 22:25:33 EST Halloween Photoshoot http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4562447 Some friends and I got together with 2 makeup artists and a photographer for a zombie photoshoot. It was fun! Here are a few pictures from that. I'm the one in plaid, of course! <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/7/6/l765203441.jpg"> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/3/8/l383915963.jpg"> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/4/6/l461427028.jpg"> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/3/4/l34223951.jpg"> Tue, 1 Nov 2011 02:34:04 EST Goals for 10/19/11 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4542592 *Eat a healthy breakfast <BR> *No Fast food <BR> *Track all calories <BR> *Be awesome. <BR> <BR> =D Tue, 18 Oct 2011 23:43:20 EST Sick =( http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4542586 Well, I woke up Sunday morning with a horrible cough, headache, mild fever, burning lungs, ect so I haven't been doing anything toward my weight loss goal. It's weird. I have no appetite yet I still stuff food in myself just to be doing it. I have issues. I hope I find a way to get through them before I reach 500+ pounds. Tue, 18 Oct 2011 23:39:35 EST Results for 10/14/11 / Goals for Tomorrow http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4536109 Today was sorta a struggle. Talking yourself out of something eventually gets exhausting. So, I told myself I can get Taco Bell as long as I go to the gym and track all of my calories. It wasn't all that bad. Including exercise calories burned, I'm still in a deficit enough for the day that at this rate I'd lose 1lbs a week. My weight has been steadily going down 1-1.5 lbs per day since I started this blogging thing though. It's crazy how much water my body is/was holding onto. <BR> <BR> Re... Fri, 14 Oct 2011 22:28:44 EST Results for 10/13/11 / Goals for Tomorrow http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4534346 Here's how I did today; <BR> <BR> *No Fast Food. (DONE! 2 days in a row. It's a miracle lol) <BR> *30+ minutes of cardio at the gym. (DONE! 45 minutes on elliptical) <BR> *Stay within calorie range of 1200-1550 (DONE! 1481 calories) <BR> <BR> It's a bit early today, but I'm tracking these now so I won't be tempted to ruin it later. My husband and I have been trying to work on our marriage. It seems I'm the only one trying. Whenever I bring up something we need to work on, like today, he t... Thu, 13 Oct 2011 20:15:46 EST Results for 10/12/11 / Tomorrow's Goals http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4532994 Goals for Wednesday, 10/12 <BR> <BR> *No fast food. (DONE!) <BR> *30 minutes + of cardio at the gym. (DONE! Burned 386 calories in 35 minutes) <BR> *Stay within calorie range of 1200-1550 (DONE! 1360 calories) <BR> <BR> <BR> Today was great, but I'm not gonna say it wasn't a struggle. Taco Bell crossed my mind more than a few times (lol), but I controlled myself, came home, and made an actual meal. I had to drag myself out of the house when it was time for the gym, but I made it there a... Wed, 12 Oct 2011 23:11:19 EST Accountability, Goals for tomorrow. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4531396 Okay, seriously! I've been very outside of myself. I know the food doesn't put itself in my mouth but I honestly barely think while I'm eating. Earlier I was doing so good staying wtihin my calorie range then I turned into the equilavent of a ravenous blood thirsting vampire except mine was for some type of food, ANY type of food to comfort me. My mouth started watering and my hands were shaking. So of course I zoned out of reality, stood beside myself with the little voice in my head telling... Wed, 12 Oct 2011 01:06:42 EST Food Won't Bring It Back... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4504061 Last night, I was in one of those half awake/half asleep things when I entered a deep realm of thought and consideration. In this state, I realized something very eye opening; Food won’t bring “it” back. <BR> <BR> “It” being… <BR> <BR> Food won’t make my mother love me. <BR> <BR> Food won’t tell my father to call me more than once every three years. <BR> <BR> Food won’t take my bad childhood away. <BR> <BR> Food won’t bring my daughters back. <BR> <BR> Food won’t fix my marriage. <BR> ... Mon, 26 Sep 2011 01:27:58 EST How to make progress through the shame... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4501838 I started Weight Watchers meetings yesterday, and I did great for the first day. Today, however, I'm desperately struggling with my lack of control over food. My husband offered chinese food, and I said SURE. So I ate that, then I left his house and ate a medium blizzard from Dairy Queen. Yet, after eating all of that, the voice in my mind keeps saying "You've ruined it. You might as well stuff your face with whatever else you can find." Instead, I've beat myself up to the point that I don't ... Sat, 24 Sep 2011 15:45:37 EST Weight Watchers http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4499258 I've been doing a lot of thinking about my history with weight loss. The only time I was successful was back when I did Weight Watchers, with the meetings. So, I'm starting those tomorrow. I'm praying and having faith that this will work again. Many of my problems are mental and emotional, so I'll continue to work through those. I'm slowly making progress. I'm still here! Thu, 22 Sep 2011 22:41:59 EST Pathetic http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4447112 So, here I am again, fighting back tears and the urge to punch something. I've let myself down as always. Today was going great, then I gave into another fast food craving. I figured, hell, I've already screwed everything up so then I downed THREE cream filled doughnuts. My stomach was screaming by then. That's what it takes for me to stop, for me to get to the point of throwing up. <BR> <BR> I've tried therapy. It doesn't help. The only thing I can think of is...I honestly feel like I have... Thu, 25 Aug 2011 04:09:51 EST Things I do for ME! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4441068 This is quite random, but felt like sharing it. <BR> <BR> I LOVE doing my hair, makeup, and putting on my fav outfit on a day when I'll be alone. I usually take myself out to dinner, or I'll just relax somewhere and read a book or watch the sunset over the river. It's very peaceful when I dont have to worry about keeping another person entertained. <BR> <BR> This got me thinking that more people should do things for themselves like this. We only live once. Go do the things you wanna do be... Mon, 22 Aug 2011 04:12:48 EST What am I waiting for? (Random Journaling) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4437684 Lately I've been sabatoging myself. I see beautiful women and think about how that could never be me, then I go to Taco Bell and binge until I feel sick. Although I didn't do this today for the first time in weeks, it doesn't mean it didn't cross my mind. <BR> <BR> However, I did go to the gym today and managed 50 minutes of cardio in which I burned 600 calories. It felt great. It's also those beautiful women with slim and strong looking bodies that motivate me to go harder. The bigger girl... Sat, 20 Aug 2011 00:09:11 EST I'm Ready http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4424973 After the separation and pending divorce earlier this year from a man who was dearly loved and extremely special to me in ways I can't even put into words, I have managed to gain back 20+ pounds. This sounds like something bad, but I'm taking it as a learning experience. Now I know that I have a deeply seeded emotional eating problem which needs taken care of if I ever expect to be at a healthy weight. <BR> <BR> I realized that I had been trying so hard to lose weight so he would love and a... Sat, 13 Aug 2011 17:41:49 EST Confessions : Major Slip Up http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4232326 First of all, I apologize for being MIA since January. My husband and I have been separated since then. We didn't talk or see eachother at all for a good two months. And in those two months, I managed to go from 179lbs back up to 198lbs. I feel so horrible about myself at this point. I can't believe I let my emotions take over and I reached for food to comfort me. I'm seriously wondering if I should see a therapist to help with the compulsive overeating. It's ruining my life. <BR> <BR> My h... Sat, 14 May 2011 14:18:52 EST Confused about weight loss approach http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4079299 I've been having some serious binging issues since my husband and I separated in mid January, so I signed up for a weight loss program at the local YMCA for a little support. I don't have internet at my place right now so signing onto sparkpeople often isn't an option. <BR> <BR> Anyway, a personal trainer gave me a test to figure out my basal metabolic rate and it is 2400 calories. She told me to eat 1800 calories a day to lose weight. That means I'll have a 600 calorie deficet before I even... Wed, 9 Mar 2011 14:49:21 EST Soul Searching http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3967972 I've been dealing with so many insecurities lately. I know I'm the one wanting the divorce although I'm sure he wants it too now considering the things I've done lately. But the words he has said to me in the past still haunt me. Today I caught myself wondering exactly why I wasn't good enough for him. I tell myself it's because my weight. Maybe I should have lost weight faster, then maybe he would have loved me. I think maybe there must be something I could have done differently...But I know... Fri, 28 Jan 2011 03:03:24 EST Things won't change if you don't change... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3953538 It looks like my husband and I are going to at least separate for a while, but I'm thinking a divorce is in our future. It's been over a week since I've even spoken to him. Although I find myself holding back tears at times, I know in my heart that I'm not happy with him. He was always so mean to me, and never payed attention to me when I wanted it. I have to face the fact that he won't change if I let him come back. The same things will start happening again eventually. I deserve better than... Sun, 23 Jan 2011 17:42:23 EST Bad Times http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3934006 Well, my husband has been gone since Friday night. I have him on a restraining order so he can't come near our apartment or contact me in any way. After work on Friday night, we got into an argument which as usual led to him calling me names and putting down everything I do. I got tired of hearing his crap so I stood up to stand up to him then he ran toward me with a knife and threatened to stab me. I'm not taking that stuff from anyone. I'm not risking my life to be with someone who is suppo... Mon, 17 Jan 2011 15:21:03 EST Clean Eating VS. Crappy Eating http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3905449 I've been doing great with my diet and exercise since the 1st so I decided to have a "free" meal this evening. Bad idea! I feel like crap and have no energy. The bed is already calling my name. This was a good thing in disguise though because now I realize just how great it feels to eat healthy foods. <BR> <BR> When I eat sugar loaded processed foods: <BR> *I feel sluggish. <BR> *I have no energy. <BR> *My skin breaks out. <BR> *My stomach hurts. <BR> *It's hard to get through my usual work... Sun, 9 Jan 2011 01:52:15 EST A Great Start! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3879215 Today turned out to be great goal wise. I took Chalene Johnson's advice and made a to-do list. I made myself get off my butt and wash dishes, organize my room, and get my workout in. NO EXCUSES! Now I can look at it and see EVERYTHING marked off! Wow, it feels great! Being productive feels pretty awesome, even more awesome than sitting on the couch for hours which is what my husband has been doing. <em>20</em> <BR> <BR> Btw, Chalene has a 30 day challenge going on right now which basically... Sun, 2 Jan 2011 01:52:52 EST Happy New Year !!!! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3875776 I hope you all have the best year ever! We will work toward our goals together and we will ACHIEVE our goals together! We can do this! Can't you tell I'm excited?! LOL <BR> <BR> I must go to bed. Gonna workout in the morning!! <em>334</em> Sat, 1 Jan 2011 03:11:49 EST *2010 Summary and Goals for 2011* http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3874193 2010 was a great year for me health wise. Here's to more progress in the new year! <em>408</em> <BR> <BR> <BR> <em>8</em> ACCOMPLISHMENTS IN 2010 <em>8</em> <BR> <BR> <BR> <em>9</em> Lost 44 pounds! <BR> <em>253</em> Lost 5-6 inches off my hips alone! <BR> <em>312</em> Completed THREE 5Ks! <BR> <em>84</em> Decided that being a Personal Trainer would be the perfect job for me. <BR> <em>248</em> I didn't give up NO MATTER WHAT! <BR> <BR> <BR> <em>411</em> GOALS FOR 2... Fri, 31 Dec 2010 12:44:45 EST Can't even go bowling! lol http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3868508 My husband and I went bowling with his family tonight. We didn't stay long because he and his brother got into a fight and his brother threw a pitcher of ice and pop onto some other person's lane. It was quite embarassing. LOL. Anyway, here are some pics my husband took of me before we went. I think I look okay. It's weird how I don't see myself like this in my mind yet. I guess that's why we should take pictures occasionally, huh? =D <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw... Wed, 29 Dec 2010 06:08:31 EST New Year's Resolutions http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3868401 Well, it's that time of year again. People will be making their resolutions for the new year. The thing is, these require hard work and dedication to keep. Unfortunately, many people fall away from their plans and lose their excitement toward the changes they were so willing to make at one point. I'm here to tell you that you are so worth the time and effort it takes to achieve your goals, whether the goal is to lose weight or stop being such a butthole to your friends and family! You need to... Wed, 29 Dec 2010 01:35:09 EST I'm Over It! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3864040 Thanks for the comments on my recent blogs. I hadn't been feeling well emotionally, but I'm much better now. Having 11 days total off from work is enough to put me in a great mood in itself. =) <BR> <BR> Well, Christmas was good. My husband and I went to his parent's house in the morning to open gifts and eat, then I went to my dad's to visit for a couple hours. This is the usual Christmas routine for me. I managed to keep my mind off of what's missing and focused on that day and who was ar... Mon, 27 Dec 2010 03:09:03 EST Getting Through Christmas http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3861296 Today was a rough one for me. I have bipolar depression. Although it's mostly controlled by medicine now, a slight change in things around me will trigger a depressive episode. Well, that happened today. All I could think about is my daughters, my mom and dad who don't want to be a part of my life, and the fact that I have no friends because I don't know how to make them (or keep them), and my husband is a cold hearted jerk most of the time. Then all I could think about was ending it so I wou... Sat, 25 Dec 2010 01:18:19 EST I miss my girl. =( http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3860161 My daughter, Katie, called me this evening while she was opening the gifts I sent her for Christmas. She sounded so excited and even told me about the horse her grandma got her. She said, "I have a horse. Her name is Sundae - With an E!" This little girl is only five years old and she talks like she's 10 or something. It's amazing how smart she is. <BR> <BR> She called me because she lives in New Mexico; I live in West Virginia. I wish things didn't have to be this way. She quietly said, "M... Fri, 24 Dec 2010 01:48:11 EST Coming Back Slowly http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3858652 After a month or so of some major slacking off, I managed to only gain 1 pound. Today I weighed 182.4 up from 181.4. Thanksgiving threw me off...WAY off. After that day it seemed harder to find the strength to get off my butt and do something. It's been more difficult to make the right food choices. But with Christmas coming up, I'm determined not to let that throw me completely back into my old habits. So I've still been focusing on my "Eat Clean Diet." Which basically just teaches you how a... Thu, 23 Dec 2010 01:57:26 EST First Day Success W/ Frustration on the Side. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3846722 This was my first day eating CLEAN and I did wonderful. I had to add my calories up like five times to believe what I saw. It seems like I ate so much, and I'm stuffed right now but I only had 1450 calories total, which is within my calorie range for weight loss! I can't wait to see what results this brings. The energy is what I'm looking for most. This past week has been very difficult because of the cold and just not having any drive to get out of bed because of this crappy weather. But, no... Thu, 16 Dec 2010 02:58:12 EST 12/14/10 : Eating Clean http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3844817 Today wasn't much better than yesterday because I have this crappy cold, but I think it's starting to get better. I went out loafing around after my doctor appointment and ended up buying this book called" The Eat Clean Diet". After reading it for a couple hours, I was addicted. I had to force myself to put it down so I could come here to write this blog. LOL. Doesn't it make sense though? It's only logical that we provide our bodies with the highest quality fuel so they will run smoothly, ri... Wed, 15 Dec 2010 03:24:25 EST 12/13/10: Epic Fail! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3842816 Omg, today sucked so bad. I'm not even gonna begin to count the calories I ate, and no, I did not get my workout in. =( I'm very disappointed in myself although I am sick. I'm not even sure if I could make it through a workout right now. It's so hard to breathe with this horrible cold! My doctor appointment is in the morning so hopefully she'll be able to help me get rid of whatever this is plus give me some more meds for the depression. It's acting up so bad. I had my husband lay beside me i... Tue, 14 Dec 2010 03:10:31 EST 12/12/10 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3840624 I am trying something new this week. I'll be posting a blog every evening about whether or not I met my goals for the day and why. I've been falling back into some old habits lately, which isn't good. I've had a binge every night for the past week because of my depression acting up. I have bipolar depression, and the slightest change triggers it to act up, which really sucks for my diet! But there's nothing that can be done about change considering it's part of life. Some things just need to... Mon, 13 Dec 2010 01:17:54 EST Recap of my awesome weekend. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3826680 My weekend was absolutely AMAZING! On Saturday, I met up with my brother and we went to see my two sisters together. We haven't seen our sisters in ten years because they were adopted by another family due to issues with my mother. It was so great. I almost started crying, but I held back. One of my little sisters, who is 21 years old now, has autism. We were especially happy to see her smiling and having a wonderful time compared to how she used to be. The family really worked with her and ... Mon, 6 Dec 2010 02:01:34 EST The Point Of It All http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3820913 Sometimes I wonder why I'm losing weight in the first place. I suppose everyone has their reason for wanting to. Should I feel guilty that I just want to be thin so I'll be accepted by others? I think, just maybe then, someone will want to know me. Being 44 pounds down right now, I can already see a difference in the way people react around me. I can see the twinges of jealousy in a girl's eyes. I notice the couple second longer glance from a guy. This should be a good thing though, right? No... Fri, 3 Dec 2010 02:50:26 EST December Goals http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3815950 I'm determined to stick to my goals this month so I'm actually going to write them down here. <BR> <BR> *On Saturday I signed up for a YMCA membership which I plan on using at least 3 times per week, so my goal this month is to do that; Go 3 times per week! <BR> <BR> *Yesterday I signed up for Weight Watchers again in hopes that the points system will move my weight loss along faster but they went and changed the ENTIRE program around. Now I don't know how many points anything is. My goal... Wed, 1 Dec 2010 01:55:36 EST Size 18 Bags http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3803007 Somebody needs to slap me because I've lost 44lbs, but I'm still pulling on size 18 jeans when I wore a 20 at my starting weight! Something in my mind keeps saying, "You're in a size 16? This must be some sort of mistake!" So I continue to deal with fear when ordering a size lower and some sort of denial when I look in the mirror. I guess this is a case of "The mind doesn't match the body yet". I admit, I'm still pretty chunky. I'm still 40-45lbs overweight, but I look so different. Why can't... Wed, 24 Nov 2010 02:17:46 EST Frustrated w/ People! (What's new, right?) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3798712 I'm sure this happens all the time to people who've lost weight or are in the process of losing weight, but I have the occasional person who asks for help. They say, "Please help me. Tell me what to do to lose weight!" But then you tell them something along the lines of. "Well, it's all about calories in vs. calories out which basically means you need to exercise, eat healthier foods, write down what you're eating, get plenty of sleep, ect." Then the person makes some sort of stupid excuse li... Mon, 22 Nov 2010 02:28:01 EST One Rule I Break: I Weigh Myself Everyday! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3781239 It's recommended that you weigh yourself only once a week or even once a month! I just can't do that. I've tried many times. I've discovered that if I don't weigh myself every morning when I wake up, that I'll go all out with food that day. I always write in my food journal, but I'll go over my calories by at least 100-200. If I know how much I weighed that morning then I'm more aware of what goes in my mouth and how active I am on that day. This is what works for me, and that's the key to su... Sat, 13 Nov 2010 11:48:46 EST Addicted?? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3778639 A few days ago I got a message on facebook from a former classmate. She said she was worried about me. When I asked why, she told me that my workouts are dangerous. She's scared I've become obsessed and addicted with weight loss. She was worried that I was going to develop anorexia! Seriously? Not to be mean, but this girl is probably twice my size. Who does she think she is to tell me what's healthy and what's not? I sorta got on the defensive and said I'd rather be addicted to a healthy lif... Fri, 12 Nov 2010 01:49:59 EST Weekly Update and Future Goals http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3766308 The scale wasn't very nice to me today. It said I weighed 184.5 which is .5lbs higher than last week. I'm actually not disappointed though because, being a woman, this happens around once per month. =P <BR> <BR> Future Goals; Well, I've been thinking about that constantly. My current job gives me absolutely no satisfaction, so I've been thinking of becoming a personal trainer once I reach goal. I've been doing some research on the requirements so I can start studying and completing the neces... Sat, 6 Nov 2010 16:25:41 EST Ways To Feel Good About Yourself NOW! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3756041 Yes, it is possible to feel good in your own skin before you start losing weight and during. Here are a few things I do to make myself feel beautiful, on the inside and out. <BR> <BR> * Wake up one hour early and get in a good workout. Trust me, this is an instant mood enhancer. Not to mention, you'll feel amazing! Your whole body and your entire day will benefit from this. <BR> <BR> * Spend a little extra time to fix your hair just right and do your makeup in a way that shows off your bes... Tue, 2 Nov 2010 02:21:25 EST I Must Be Dreaming http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3747612 I find myself looking in the mirror more lately. I think I'm trying to remind myself that this is real. I'm really doing it this time! My clothes look great on me. My depression is completely under control. I'm happy. All of this and I still have around 50 more pounds to lose! Omg, if I feel this good now, how am I going to feel then?!!? I'm looking forward to it with tons of excitement! <BR> <BR> If you've read my updates, you've probably noticed that I'm planning a trip to Los Angeles for... Fri, 29 Oct 2010 02:06:18 EST -39lbs Progress Pictures! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3735882 Life is great!!! <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/7/5/l756808723.jpg"> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/4/7/l473052853.jpg"> <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/2/4/l244391100.jpg"> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/6/2/l624591985.jpg"> <BR> <BR> This has been a slow process, but I'd rather go slow than go fast then gain it all back by this time next year, ya know! Sat, 23 Oct 2010 22:51:51 EST