PSYCHBAMA's SparkPeople Blog PSYCHBAMA's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Haven't I learned anything??? I have been at this for two years. You'd think after two years I would have learned NOT to eat my feelings. NOT to worry when I am doing the right thing but the scale is up .5 lbs. NOT to eat when I get frustrated with life's little details. NOT to use working out as an excuse to eat what I want. NOT to beat myself up over a rough morning (afternoon, evening, etc). Apparently not since I think I broke all of those already and it's just 11:30. So I am starting over. Again. Ugh. For the gazilli... Wed, 18 Jul 2012 12:41:10 EST First weekend back So far, I have made it through the weekend without doing serious sabotage to my new plan. I will admit there were cocktails involved, but I counted them and stopped early. I ate lots of salad and did not snack. Today I am hoping to plan out some meals for the week. Meals that are relatively lo-cal and that are easy to throw together after stressed-out summer afternoons when everyone is tired and cranky. Plus we need milk so it's a good excuse to go to the store. I am thinking of exercise more... Sun, 15 Jul 2012 10:58:38 EST 2 years and a day later... I am re-committing myself to Spark. It was 2 years and one day ago that I wrote my first blog post. I had to go back and look at where I began. 30 pounds higher than what I weigh today. But I still have 30 pounds to go. So here I am. After a blow-out 4th of July week at the lake with family and friends. Eating, drinking, exercising a little, but not much. So here I am. I am not happy with myself. I have no one to blame but myself. I keep gaining but then losing 5 pounds. So I have hovered in ... Fri, 13 Jul 2012 13:22:06 EST Compliments sure are nice I went to the dr office today for a routine visit. I haven't been in the office since last year. I got on the dreaded scale. It was basically what my home scale shows which is fine. But the nurse said, "Wow, you've lost a good bit of weight! Good for you!" I was shocked. I associate doctors with talking about how we always need to lose weight. I dread that part of doctor visits. When I was pregnant, I NEVER looked at the scale because I didn't want to acknowledge what was actually on the scal... Fri, 4 May 2012 12:55:50 EST Re-focusing on weight I have been really focused on running. I finished a half marathon, after all. Then I went and rewarded myself with new running shoes. Basically like my old ones (which were almost 2 years old) but the newer version. However, after my second run in them, I developed horrible pain in my left leg. It comes and goes as far as severity goes, but it is always there. I tried taking a few days off and then went running again. It felt okay while I was running, but when I got home, the pain was back. N... Sun, 22 Apr 2012 17:49:08 EST New day, new goals I have to have goals. That's something I've learned about myself. Yesterday was the culmination of months of training, mentally and physically. I woke up this morning realizing I had to stay focused or else I would flounder. So with it being the beginning of April, great time to have a new goal. It's spring. I struggle in the spring. I don't know why- it makes no sense. But it has happened the last three years. SO, I have TWO goals for April that I think are attainable AND will help me stay f... Mon, 2 Apr 2012 08:59:21 EST Today I ran my first Half Marathon!! Wow, I NEVER thought I would say that. I have been training for months, but the last two weeks have been crazy. And then last week I was sick. But I had signed up and was committed.... My mom and my husband told me to not get injured and that I didn't have to run it. But emotionally, I was ready. It was the physical test I was worried about. My last "long" run was 9 miles and that was TWO long weeks ago. Before that, it was 12 miles. That was the furthest (or is it farthest? I never know) I h... Sun, 1 Apr 2012 18:05:04 EST 10K PR but still disappointing... I am having a pity party, I guess. So my hope is that writing about it will put it into perspective and I can move on. I ran my second 10K this morning. I ran the same race last year, so I kind of knew what to expect. I had such a high after running last year and couldn't wait to sign up this year. I have been training for the half, so this 10K came at a perfect time in my training program. I was prepped all week and feeling good. Yesterday I even decided to take a 4 mile walk, mainly for my ... Sat, 25 Feb 2012 11:48:53 EST Day before race day Nothing on my schedule for today, which is nice. Nothing except traveling to the lake to run tomorrow's race. So I am hanging out this morning with the puppy and reading blogs. I am going on a walk in a few minutes, just to stretch the legs. I had steel cut oats this morning for the first time. Put some honey and some peanut butter in them. Pretty good I must say. Better than oatmeal. More like grits. Kind of. But yummy. Have my lunch already made (leftovers from yesterday). Tonight I am goin... Fri, 24 Feb 2012 11:37:52 EST What am I thinking? So I ended up gorging on potato chips and ranch pretzel bits, but it was Fat Tuesday, after all. Yesterday was Ash Wednesday. Day 1 of my plan for giving up processed foods for Lent. I am not exactly sure (even still) what the definition is of what I am doing or giving up. My basic criteria are: <BR> 1) focus on REAL foods (one ingredient) <BR> 2) if it has to be in a package, make sure it has five or less ingredients <BR> <BR> There are all kinds of websites and books that talk about "real... Thu, 23 Feb 2012 13:25:31 EST Real food I am running running and running. Friday I ran farther than I have ever run before. 9 miles. Holy cow! That's far (at least in my mind). I did it, though. The problem was when I finished, all I could think of was that I have to run that PLUS 4.1 MORE miles to finish the half marathon in April. Can I do this?!?!? <BR> <BR> Enough with the doubts. I am trying to focus on my diet plan. Food. My weight has stayed about the same. Maybe dropped a pound or two, but not much. Anyway, I started think... Mon, 13 Feb 2012 13:23:10 EST A Master of Excuses Give me something to do and I can find an excuse NOT to do it. It isn't something I am proud of but it is something that I feel like I have to confess, in the open, to myself, so that I can recognize it and deal with it. It is 12:26 p.m. right now. I have to pick up the little guy at 2. I need to run. I don't want to. Yep, that's right. My excuse for right now- I don't want to. I've had a busy morning. I just had lunch. I need to unload the dishwasher. I need to fold the mountain of clothes d... Tue, 24 Jan 2012 13:34:44 EST New year, new start Happy new year!! Today, the first day of the new year, 2012, we got a dog! A sweet black lab puppy and so far, she is precious. I hope she sleeps as much tonight as she is sleeping right now. The boys are so excited and are really really cute about it. I have visions of running with her when she gets a little older. So it's a brand new year for our family and I need to make a couple of resolutions. I take them seriously and they help to guide me throughout the year. I like to write them down ... Sun, 1 Jan 2012 22:27:34 EST What I need I love Christmas! It is my favorite holiday for so many reasons. Now that we have kids, I love trying to anticipate what they want and provide for them, while combining it with what they need too (like new winter coats, which Santa is bringing...) It is easy, though, for me to get lost in the hoopla and chaos. Kids out of school means three lovely beautiful special children turning into occasional monsters just because they can. But I digress. I spend most, if not all, of my waking hours tryi... Thu, 22 Dec 2011 12:42:53 EST And so it begins... I haven't blogged in a month. But I have been constantly trying to move forward. Two steps forward, one step back. So in light of that, and the holidays, I bit the bullet and decided to register for my first half marathon. I am terrified! Seriously. It is April 1st (should I REALLY be running a half marathon on April Fool's Day?) in Knoxville, TN. My hubby went to grad school at UT and even though I am a HUGE Alabama fan, I thought it would be really cool to end my first half marathon in the ... Sat, 3 Dec 2011 16:48:53 EST Hitting the reset button Today is the 1st of November which is a good time to reflect and plan, given that it's the beginning of the month. I made it through October. Phew. It was crazy busy but a good month. I lost 5 pounds. Did not quite meet my goal of 100 miles for the month, which I am bummed about, but there's always this month. I think I went 90 miles. Not too bad. I can't remember what my other goals are. But today is the day that I make new goals. And with that, I changed the weight loss ticker on my start p... Tue, 1 Nov 2011 16:29:40 EST My running pet peeves These are lessons I learned today... and it's only noon... but I spent most of my 7 mile run developing this list so I decided I really needed to write it down. <BR> <BR> 1) If I speak to you, please speak back. <BR> When I was running today, there were several people that I ran past. I live in the south. When you pass someone, it's typical to speak. It doesn't have to be involved. It doesn't have to be a conversation. But I was raised to say "hello." I may say hello, hi, or even good mornin... Sat, 29 Oct 2011 13:42:24 EST So many choices... TOO many choices? I'm committed. It's gonna happen. I am going to train for a half marathon. I said it on my birthday. I've said it out loud. It's a done deal. But now the hard part. I have to pick which one. There are SOOOO many choices of half marathons. I have basically been picking 5Ks and 10Ks based on time of the year. It's been pretty easy. I have ones I like that I want to run again this year. And I try to space them out so I can train properly. Here's my problem with the half. The possibilities are en... Mon, 17 Oct 2011 22:08:53 EST It finally happened... now what? I've heard people talk about it. My fitness friends have been telling me it would happen for a while. I never believed it. But last week, it happened. Yep, I finally decided I don't like the treadmill anymore. The "dreadmill." That's what I've heard people call it. I have always liked it. It keeps me focused on my distance and a steady pace. I get to watch tv AND listen to music. I can go anytime to the gym and not worry about weather conditions or darkness. Well, that was me then. Somehow, w... Sun, 16 Oct 2011 21:36:01 EST Trying to control the chaos Not so much the chaos in my house... Boys will be boys, right? But what I am most concerned with is the chaos going on in my head. I have all these things I want to do, professionally and personally, but I can't figure out how to make sense of them, organize them, and get started on them. I feel like I need to take a retreat to get everything planned out. But life doesn't stop. The boys have activities and friends and wants and needs and a husband who is not demanding but of course has his ow... Fri, 14 Oct 2011 15:28:23 EST Life changes for the next year Tomorrow is my birthday. I always get down around my birthday because I've always loved birthdays and they always seem like letdowns. So yes, I have my own little pity party. I'll admit it. I'm not proud of it, but I'll admit it. I want attention and appreciation on the one day that belongs to me. Again, not proud of it, but I'll admit it. So anyway, enough about my selfish pity party. On to today. What have I been doing. I've been thinking about the celebration of birthdays and how each year... Sun, 9 Oct 2011 15:42:48 EST My October goals I went back and read my blog from October 1st last year. I love October! I feel really motivated in October and so it's time to set some lofty October goals. They may be lofty but I think that they are possible. So here they are.... <BR> <BR> 1) Lose 7 pounds. Enough said. <BR> <BR> 2) On the weekends, plan out the meals for the week based on what is on sale so that I can start couponing. Not extreme couponing, just regular old couponing to save some money. <BR> <BR> 3) Run/walk 100 miles... Sat, 1 Oct 2011 10:34:21 EST What I did in September I survived the stomach bug.... it hit our entire family.... but I survived. <BR> <BR> I went to my first football game of the season. <BR> <BR> I ran a 5K in under 30 minutes. <BR> <BR> I lost 5 pounds. <BR> <BR> I ran over 78 miles. <BR> <BR> I pulled a muscle or something in my lower back. <BR> <BR> I made a workout plan to get me through the end of October. <BR> <BR> I tried, again, to quit snacking so much in the afternoon. <BR> <BR> I realized that signing up my children for spor... Fri, 30 Sep 2011 14:19:26 EST If I can do this, then I can do anything Being motivated by a sense of accomplishment is a true and real thing. I realized it this morning when I was working out. Big deal, you might say. So you were working out. And? Well, what happens after the and is this... I was working out this morning DESPITE the fact that I have been incredibly tired and strung out AND the fact that my dear eldest son was up most of the night (until approximately 2 a.m.) throwing up. Last of our family to fall victim to the stomach bug. But I had promised my... Thu, 29 Sep 2011 14:40:34 EST Complaining So I wrote this whole blog entry just now complaining about my day. Then I erased it. Because I was reading back over it and realized that it wasn't going to serve any purpose for me later in my journey. Yes, I think it is important to be honest and acknowledge when we have bad days. Yes, I think it is important to try to figure out why we have bad days. I guess that's why I wrote it. But it was pretty obvious that the things causing my bad day were completely out of my control: people not sh... Thu, 22 Sep 2011 15:17:59 EST I did it!! I am sitting here in an empty house waiting for my hubby to get home from taking the boys to get donuts this morning. He didn't come to my race because our oldest had spend the night company. Though we would drag our own kids to a race, we probably shouldn't do that with others' kids. Ha! So here I am and I am so excited I had to write it down. I did it! It has only taken a year, but I FINALLY finished a 5K in under 30 minutes. 28 minutes to be exact. Well, and some seconds, but who cares. 28... Sat, 17 Sep 2011 10:17:51 EST Taking the day off before a race- am I making a mistake? I have a running training plan. It is loosely based on what I read about in books and magazines, but is basically made up based on my schedule and what I think is possible. I have run a few races before, but as I mentioned earlier, I want to finish this 5K in 30 minutes. I'm nervous. Nervous about being disappointed with myself if I don't make it. But anyway, this isn't about that. Well, maybe it is. But anyway, on my training schedule I only allow myself 1 day off a week, knowing that I'll l... Fri, 16 Sep 2011 16:57:30 EST I can't control a lot but I CAN control what I eat That is what I am going to keep telling myself today. Yesterday was a BAD BAD day for food. There was lots of chocolate involved. Today I feel icky about it. And I'm about to go to the dentist to get some fillings replaced. Gross. And I didn't run yesterday because my body is sore. I didn't want to push it. And I have a race Saturday and am terrified of not meeting my goals. Anything alone would be fine to deal with but it has all combined to be a blah day. But I decided this morning I am goi... Thu, 15 Sep 2011 09:00:26 EST Negative emotional states Yesterday I had to take my son to the dr. He's fine, just some cruddy virus, but we wanted to take him just in case. He HATES going to the dr. Since he's a little older now, he still hates it but becomes really anxious about the dr. He gets a stomach ache and magically feels fine whenever we start to go. He's been this way since we can remember. Anyway, yesterday, since I had the benefit of being able to take him to the dr without any of his younger brothers, he and I talked alot about being ... Wed, 14 Sep 2011 14:40:50 EST Getting ready It's coming. Saturday. My next 5K. I have just finished reading several blogs about people training for marathons and halfs so in the grand scheme of things, my 5K seems pretty minor. I've run several before. But this time is different. This time I am going to try to finish in 30 minutes or less. That was my goal last time. And then it rained... no, not rained.... POURED... for the entire time. I don't think I realized how truly upset I was by not reaching my goal until I went for my run on S... Mon, 12 Sep 2011 15:26:16 EST Is this what happens to an athlete? I've never been an athlete. Ever. Sure, I played softball growing up (til middle school) but that was only because I was the tallest girl in my class and I could stand on 1st base and catch the ball. I hated batting because I wasn't very good and HATED running. Hated it. Didn't help that I had asthma growing up. But anyway, NEVER an athlete. Then last year, my dad got sick and I decided I wanted to start running. Running is really, for me, a way to show I have accomplished something (by becom... Fri, 9 Sep 2011 15:30:09 EST Anything to derail a good plan Today was little guy's first day of school. Hmmm... Something called a little tropical storm changed all that. School was cancelled. Power was out all over this part of the state and tons of trees down. I should have known when I left this house at 6:30 this morning for a quick trip to the gym. I only had 3 miles on my calendar. I figured I could do that in about 35 minutes and be done. So I put my fleece on (it's cold today! yay!!) and drove to the gym. Should have known when I had to make m... Tue, 6 Sep 2011 16:33:10 EST No rest for the weary on Labor Day Our fun family vacation weekend got cut short by rain. Not just rain, LOTS of rain. We need it. I'm not complaining. But a last hurrah at the lake to celebrate end of summer turned into watching some football at the lake then coming back home to take care of mundane chores so the kids would have their regular video games/indoor activities to entertain them during the rain. So today was spent trying to get organized (story of my life...) around the house. Laundry. New cleaning schedule that I ... Mon, 5 Sep 2011 20:48:36 EST I hate my arms Okay, hate is a strong word. I tell my children not to use that word. I only reserve it for strong situations. Very rarely. But my arms... I've always hated my arms. I'm the one who, even when I was younger and "fit", never wore sleeveless. I hated to show off my arms. I don't like the look of arms. Of course, now, I am starting to appreciate the fact that a lot of people have super toned arms and they look nice. And wouldn't it be nice to wear sleeveless in this stupid heat?!? So, I have dec... Fri, 2 Sep 2011 14:03:02 EST FINALLY!!! I haven't tracked my weight here since November. That was almost a year ago. Because in November, I was at a good weight, having made good progress. My weight has been up and down about 9 pounds since then. Mainly up but then I have been working to get it down. So I was THRILLED when I weighed today and it was ONE pound less than that last tracked weight in November. No, it's not much, but that pound represents a little bit of a few-months-long weight pitfall that I have finally conquered and... Wed, 31 Aug 2011 16:23:56 EST Do as I say, not as I do I have read, on several occasions over the past few months, a variety of blogs/FB posts/tweets where people have said they would not feel comfortable going to a doctor who was overweight or a financial advisor who didn't have money or a spiritual advisor who didn't have their act together. I think the theory is that if people can't get it together for themselves then they can't help others. I worry, though, that this falls into the realm of idolatry. Who is the perfect person? Aren't we all h... Mon, 29 Aug 2011 17:16:37 EST What gets me out of bed in the morning I think I mentioned it before but my back hurts. I pulled a muscle or something and am VERY irritated by it. It's not as bad when I am up and moving around, but getting up after sitting for a while is not fun. Getting up in the morning is AWFUL! Let me preface this by saying I am NOT a morning person. Never have been. Ask my sweet husband who tries to talk to me first thing. Go away! Ask my children who try to ask me questions before the coffee kicks in. Uh oh, mommy needs her coffee. Anyway,... Sat, 27 Aug 2011 15:49:17 EST Why I feel good today I am working on figuring out my challenge. I think I need short-term and long-term. Gotta figure something out that I will STICK TO. I got up this morning with all intents of working out, even though I am off work today and was planning on spending it with my 3 year old taking care of household chores. But when I work up this a.m. my back was KILLING me. I pulled a muscle or pinched a nerve or something lifting boxes over the weekend. When will I learn to lift with my knees??? I said this th... Fri, 26 Aug 2011 17:02:08 EST I need a challenge... I keep reading people's blogs about challenges they've done and how it's pushed them to succeed. PINKBEANBOO had a great idea when there were 20 weeks left in the year and setting goals for that. But I don't know what to do with all that time. I can't get organized. I am trying to set my workout schedule based on a 5K I have coming up in September and then another one in November. But I can't get it figured out. So I am looking for suggestions. Anyone reading this have any suggestions? My gue... Thu, 25 Aug 2011 22:55:45 EST So THAT'S why I don't weigh on Monday... I made some poor choices this weekend. Well, I should stop myself before I say they were POOR choices. They worked at the time. We had beer and thai food for dinner Saturday night. Ordered out after hubby had been out of town all day at a meeting. I wanted it. It was easy. And yummy. I had run 5 miles that day. It was all good. Or was it? It probably would have been fine had I not decided to then have a HUGE plate of leftovers on Sunday for lunch. Then went to work to get organized for a big ... Mon, 22 Aug 2011 17:02:17 EST How do you act when no one is watching? I have been thinking about this a lot lately. I think part of it is because I am hypervigilant and constantly watching the people around me. I'm the one who would glance in houses at night as we were driving by, when the shades were not drawn, and see what the people inside were doing. (But, NO, I am NOT a stalker! I don't stay there or seek them out. I just am interested...) I guess there are a lot of people like that which is why reality tv has been such a hit. People are interested in how ... Fri, 19 Aug 2011 13:18:49 EST All it takes I've been thinking alot about choices and how we look at things. Life is about figuring out what you want and going for it and if that doesn't work, find a different way (or something else you want). I am still a work in progress, but I know I want to get stronger and lose weight. I am working towards it. I am running and tracking what I eat. I know it'll take time but I will get there. I am choosing to get there. No matter what. Nothing can stand in my way and if it does, I'll bounce back be... Tue, 16 Aug 2011 17:39:56 EST My embarrassing problem- everybody has one... I have been debating whether or not to actually write this for some time. And the only reason I have decided to write it is because I have been kind of flying under the radar lately, so I am hoping no one will read it. But since I have been composing it in my head, I need to write it down. So here's my embarrassing problem. I sweat. A lot. Not like a misty sweat. Sweat. The kind that rolls down your face. My whole body sweats. My arms sweat. What the he*#? When I was younger I would ALWAYS sw... Thu, 11 Aug 2011 21:25:33 EST Time for a change Today was my weigh day and I've lost another pound. Woo hoo! Of course, now, I am still one pound above what my lowest weight was in November before I went off track. Anyway, I am officially 30 pounds down from when I started last July. 30 pounds. I have been saying that for a while, because I tend to go up and down a few pounds, but this time I mean it! Seriously! So it's been 30 pounds. I still have 30 I want to go. SO I am trying to spice things up. For a variety of reasons I have decided ... Wed, 10 Aug 2011 17:34:59 EST What I should be doing I should be packing. We are leaving tomorrow for 5 days to go see the inlaws. I have a load of laundry in the dryer and one in the wash and about 16 more to do. Luckily the house is in pretty good shape (I don't like to leave town with a messy house) and dinner tonight is spaghetti from the freezer (I just wish we had a bigger freezer...) I cleaned out my car. Phew. So now, the laundry. I hate laundry. Hate it. Love, obviously, clean clothes. Love having all my clothes clean so I can just pic... Wed, 3 Aug 2011 16:51:43 EST August goals Just last night I was reviewing progress of July goals, but this morning it is August 1st. How did that happen?? So now I need to set some goals to guide me through the month. There is lots of traveling involved as we wrap up summer and get ready to go back to school. My work schedule is flexible this month which is good but means less money. Oh well. Okay, so August here I come... <BR> <BR> 1) Log in 20 miles a week <BR> This includes running and walking, which is how I really like to mix t... Mon, 1 Aug 2011 10:13:56 EST Progress on July goals on the last day of July So it's the last day of July and tomorrow I am going to be setting goals for August. But today I need to reflect on how I did this month related to my goals. We had a fun weekend at the lake with friends and I am planning my menus for the week. Then I have to go to the dreaded grocery store. I hate going on Sunday afternoons when everyone else and their mother is there. BUT I have no choice. It's the best time to go so I can go withOUT kiddos! Okay, so back to my goals <BR> <BR> 1) Lose 5 po... Sun, 31 Jul 2011 16:24:08 EST Four days is DEFINITELY a streak Today was day four. Phew. I am taking tomorrow off. As planned. We are heading to the lake with friends so I just hope I don't go crazy with the eating/drinking portion. But I did 5.3 miles on the treadmill this morning, so I feel good. Tired but good. I think I can do this. Really this time. I am sticking to my plan and moving forward. I already have my workouts scheduled for the next month so I think I am in good shape. The biggest problem is going to be when my work schedule changes, in a ... Fri, 29 Jul 2011 13:11:39 EST Does two days make a streak? I have worked out HARD two days in a row. I am really proud of myself. And I want to consider it a streak. I want to consider it a streak because if it is a streak then it will be harder to break it. At what point is something considered a streak? I'm saying it's now, so that I will be pushed to work tomorrow and the next day. I am taking Saturday off because we are going out of town with friends, but hope to be back on it on Sunday. I really feel like this time is going to make the differenc... Wed, 27 Jul 2011 15:19:18 EST Working on a schedule I am now trying to get organized with my schedule. Schedules for meals, work, kids, and working out. I have different calendars for each (well, some are combined) and I am committing to looking at them regularly so I can stick to them. I spent an hour at the gym today and got in 5.25 miles on the treadmill. Trying to make up for how I feel about the race over the weekend. And now it's time for my next one. It's in mid-September and I WILL do it in 30 minutes or less. I will! So I am off to pr... Tue, 26 Jul 2011 22:03:36 EST