PRIZM96's SparkPeople Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=PRIZM96 PRIZM96's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community SparkPeople.com http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ That's it!!! I'm going on a diet! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5726469 Now, I know, I know all you great peeps are out there thinking NO, NO, NO! It's not a "diet"! It's a "lifestyle change" and I say that with my best snotty voice! LOL <BR> BUT, I think there has come a time when I have to suck it up and face the facts! <BR> This "lifestyle change" thing ain't workin' for me! I think I have become too complacent. I have (somewhat) mastered this whole moderation thing. I really don't restrict anything, I just try to have a sensible amount of whatever an... Thu, 26 Jun 2014 15:13:57 EST Addiction: a family disease http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5715677 It's been awhile again, huh? Let's see..... <BR> <BR> Be has been really working his recovery. Which is a huge relief. He is up to about 140 days "clean". Now, I am struggling with saying that because there was a time that I swear he was high, but he swears he wasn't. He's still counting his days. I go back and forth with this. It's not good for me to dwell on it, because it's simply not anything I can change or do anything about. I'm tired of playing "detective". That's not my job. ... Wed, 11 Jun 2014 10:45:47 EST My Plan of Attack! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5691434 So, for BLC25, the Silver Round (that just has a nice ring to it) I have to blog my "Plan of Attack" for getting back on track after a challenge or slip up...... <BR> <BR> This may seem simple to ya'll, but my plan of attack is to just keep going. Keep right on ahead with my routine. <BR> <BR> This means, I don't get that oh-so-stupid idea to throw it all away and get back to it "tomorrow". <BR> It means I continue to drink my water (and increase it even if my "slip up" was full of sodi... Fri, 9 May 2014 16:32:12 EST BLC25 Fitness Test http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5688225 Well, I did it. That's a start!! :-) <BR> <BR> As a member of the Midnight Mustangs we have incorporated something very similar at the beginning and end of each round for a few rounds now...... <BR> CONFESSION TIME: I hardly EVER have participated. (Son of a *^&*%^$%# my Co-Cappies are going to shake their fingers at me!) hehehehe <BR> <BR> Anyway, so I did it since it was earning me points and all. :-) <BR> I was surprised at how quick I got fatigued during the push-ups. I wa... Mon, 5 May 2014 16:51:35 EST BLC25..... the Silver Round http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5685890 My goals for BLC25 are simple....... <BR> <BR> Uppin' those damn Fitness Minutes!!! <BR> <BR> I got a nice, shiny new calendar and went STICKER SHOPPING!! :-) <BR> <BR> My goals: <BR> 45 minutes (min 5 days/week) of Cardio-ish <BR> Lift weights 3X / week <BR> Weekends: WEC requirements, abs, stretching <BR> <BR> 45 mins of Cardio-ish = BIG STICKER <BR> Lifting Weights = STAR STICKER <BR> Abs/Stretching = various smaller sticker <BR> <BR> That's it! That's my plan! My plan is to rea... Fri, 2 May 2014 15:38:21 EST I have white pants on, Mother Nature! BRING ON SPRING!!! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5652556 I'm doing whatever it takes to remind Mother Nature that it's SPRING TIME!! hehehe <BR> <BR> And yes, that includes wearing white jeans! Oh by the way, this is a brand new outfit. Size 10 pants and MEDIUM shirt!! Oh yeah! :-) <BR> <BR> I turned 41 yesterday and felt great in my new SPRING outfit! <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/8/2/l826450237.jpg"> <BR> <BR> Soooooo it feels like forever since I've blogged and updated anything. My life is going really, r... Thu, 20 Mar 2014 16:10:47 EST My SMART Goals! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5597211 OK, BLC24 one of my "goals" is to participate to the best of my ability for all Weekend Challenges, so I guess I should get started, huh? <BR> <BR> It is a GREAT idea to put your SMART goals in writing. Getting them down on pen & paper..... or letters & screen is one step toward success!!! <BR> <BR> 1. I will lose 10lbs in 12 Weeks!! <BR> I have been battling the same 5 lbs FOREVER! I am so ready to get past it! <BR> <BR> I have my workout routine pretty down pat for the week, these ... Fri, 17 Jan 2014 16:24:45 EST More fitness minutes? I don't mind if I do...... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5535921 I have made a decision to UP those dad-gum fitness minutes! I am within 6lbs of goal and dang it! it's been like watching paint dry trying to get that scale to move. <BR> <BR> And I know, I know..... it's not ALL about the scale. I do truly believe and understand that, BUT (you knew it was coming, right? There's always a "but") I HAVE to, I mean I NEED to, I super duper really, really WANT to get to 100lbs lost!!! <BR> I will weigh 160lbs at 100lbs lost, so I'm totally not being un... Fri, 8 Nov 2013 15:16:56 EST 10/22/2013 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5520469 I have this unique knack for knowing exactly when to blog about how good we are doing immediately before the rug is pulled out from under me....... <BR> <BR> I went home for lunch yesterday to find Be high. :-( He is denying it completely, but I know. He's my husband and best friend, I know when he's under the influence of something. I am so heart broken. I'm angry. <BR> Right now we're at the point where I'm pretty much quiet and not really talking to him while he continues to deny... Tue, 22 Oct 2013 14:45:45 EST 10/17/2013 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5516243 Hi Everyone! <BR> <BR> It's been awhile since I have written any sort of "dated" blog and thought it was time. I hope it doesn't "jinx" us. :-) <BR> <BR> Things have been going pretty good. My husband has been clean for about 3 months now. I think. I only say that because I have learned something new about me..... I question EVERYTHING! It's like I am a detective searching for signs..... all of the time. I am getting on my own nerves! I understand why I am skeptical. I believe ... Thu, 17 Oct 2013 16:11:37 EST Plan? Who needs a stinkin' plan???? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5510738 I do! That's who! <em>334</em> <BR> <BR> Not only does it help me see in black and white what I need to accomplish, but it totally racks up some points for this Weekend's Challenge in the BLC!! <BR> <BR> WINNING! <BR> <BR> EXERCISE PLAN: <BR> <BR> ** I am going to continue to exercise at least 6 days/ week! <BR> <BR> **This Monday I am upping my Weight Lifting Sessions to 2 rounds instead of 1, 3 days/week! <BR> <BR> **I will do Interval types of workouts on Tues/Thursda... Fri, 11 Oct 2013 12:15:02 EST My Fall display! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5501363 Some of my Mustang teammates have requested that I post a picture of my Fall display that I was talking about working on this past weekend. <BR> Here it is: <BR> <BR> Fall Display: <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/5/0/l507680204.jpg"> <BR> <BR> <BR> Me & Hubby <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/3/9/l39392738.jpg"> <BR> <BR> <BR> Kids <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/0/l10950115.jpg"> <BR> <BR> <BR> Me & Kids <BR> <img src="htt... Tue, 1 Oct 2013 12:11:28 EST I put the scale away....... updated. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5470031 Like really, REALLY away. In the top of a bathroom cupboard-away! As in I had to use a step stool and move things out of the way to get it into the very back-away!! <BR> <BR> Get my point? :-) <BR> <BR> So, I've decided to NOT weigh in for the entire break between BLC rounds. What is that, like, 4 weeks I think? YIKES! I'm a daily weigh-er so this is huuuuuuuge, people! HUGE! <BR> <BR> My home scale measures Body Fat % and Muscle % also, so this morning I got on it and wrote dow... Thu, 29 Aug 2013 15:25:32 EST Time to clean it up a little http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5445663 So I've been playing around with the concept of cleaning up my eating a little bit. I have spent the last 2 years working my tail off and have lost 85lbs. But I've come to a complete stand still for the past 3-4 months. It's time to change things up. <BR> <BR> Baby steps though...... one little thing at a time, right? <BR> <BR> This week I have stopped putting regular peanut butter into my Protein Shakes. Do any of you have a good, clean, healthy alternative? <BR> <BR> Since I work... Mon, 5 Aug 2013 20:32:58 EST 6/19/2013 Update http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5395368 Confession: I've been delaying an update because I have noticed a pattern of me reporting how good things are going only to have it all go to hell the next day or so..... *sigh* BUT, I have to have faith..... and I do. <BR> <BR> Things have been going GREAT since I've last blogged about this stuff! Be has attended 2 AA meetings last week and we go again tomorrow. He really likes the Thursday group of men there. He bought the book. Yeah, that's huge. It was his idea too. He reads a... Wed, 19 Jun 2013 15:35:02 EST BLC22 Plans & Goals http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5381616 It's that time again...... Goal planning time! <BR> <BR> My goals for BLC22 are as follows: :-) <BR> <BR> <em>9</em> Lose 10lbs. Ideally this number very well could be higher, but I'm still concentrating on weight lifting so it comes off a little slower. Which brings me to my next goal.... <BR> <BR> <em>362</em> Rock out to ChaLEAN Extreme! It's a 12 week program.... this is a 12 week challenge. Coincidence? I think not. :-) <BR> <BR> <em>320</em> 25 BOY pushups! Th... Fri, 7 Jun 2013 15:11:30 EST 6/7/2013 Quick update :-) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5381611 I just need to say how unbelievably thankful I am to have such awesome Sparkfriends! Even people that I'm not "friends" with here are simply amazing. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. You have NO idea the impact you all have on me. Wow. <BR> <BR> Just a quick update. My husband and I "had it out" last night. This lead to lots and LOTS of talking. We've been to this place before, so I don't want to sound naive. But.... he really seems ready to fight this. He actually admitted ... Fri, 7 Jun 2013 15:04:09 EST 6/6/2013 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5380063 Well apparently 9 days is long enough. I came home to my husband high yesterday. He went to work last night (3rd shift) and came home this morning looking worse off than he did yesterday. Who knows what the story is there. <BR> <BR> We got in a HUGE fight this morning and I stormed out. I went and sat at his parents' grave sites until it was time for me to go to work. I'm a mess. <BR> <BR> I know what he doesn't need is someone screaming at him, but I just couldn't help it. I lost ... Thu, 6 Jun 2013 08:54:48 EST 6/4/2013 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5378200 I thought maybe I was due for an update of sorts. <BR> <BR> My husband continues to struggle with his addiction. I have to be honest here and say that it has progressed from prescription pills to heroin. This "progression" happened some time ago, but I haven't been able to say (write) it out loud. For some reason people don't seem to have as negative an outlook to an addiction to prescription pills as they do if you tell them you are addicted to heroin. Not that, we're going around tel... Tue, 4 Jun 2013 16:45:08 EST 4/16/2013 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5325393 It's been kind of rough for my husband the last couple of weeks. It started with the loss of a childhood friend about 2 weeks ago. The young man was 33 and died of an apparent drug overdose. Be grew up with the family. The viewing/funeral was extremely heart breaking. Emotions and tempers were running high. <BR> <BR> 4 days after that funeral, Be's cousin died. This was a cousin living in our town that Be grew up with also. Although, he wasn't close with him too much anymore. This w... Tue, 16 Apr 2013 15:30:32 EST Cardio? That's anything over 8 reps, right? :-) My BLC break plan http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5318333 I've really been doing (more) research on the benefits of lifting weights and strength training. I'm already a huge believer in the magical powers it has! ;-) But, I want to do more. So I came up with my own 4 week plan to try out during the break. Plus, I am finishing up my ChaLEAN Extreme program which the motto is "GO HEAVY OR GO HOME!" :-) The plan is to load up on ST and reduce my Cardio time during the break. <BR> <BR> I am going to finish my last Phase of ChaLEAN Extreme, sta... Wed, 10 Apr 2013 11:46:35 EST Lovin' life! :-) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5312627 I am definitely in a good place right now. A very good place. :-) As many of you know, my biggest obstacle in my life recently has been my DH's periodic drug use. Since the last big blowout, we have been writing (separately) into a shared journal. This was his idea and he has stuck with it for 30 days now. I am so proud of him. I know there has been some trying times for him, but he has came out on top. I'm not naive enough to think that a "relapse" can't or won't happen. I've been a... Fri, 5 Apr 2013 12:32:49 EST A decision has been made...... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5285515 As much as I grit my teeth and my skin crawls at the very mention of it, I've decided to do it. What's that, you ask? The 'T' word. The very thing that has me in a tizzy every time I see it on a challenge. The "I can be successful without it". The "it's so time-consuming".....blah, blah, blah <BR> <BR> Tracking. <BR> <BR> There. I said it. <BR> <BR> I'm going to do it. I started today. I am pledging to track every little (and big) thing I put into my mouth. I am even pledging to... Wed, 13 Mar 2013 16:41:48 EST My mind can be a scary place sometimes...... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5282771 BLC wants to know what's on my mind....... <BR> <BR> Hmmmmmm. Unfortunately, as much as I HATE this, I have a confession. The stupid scale is on my mind. I knew I shouldn't have done it, but I did it anyway. I'm a rebel like that. I got on the scale this morning knowing full well that I didn't make the best of choices this weekend. My rings were even snug on my fingers, so I *know* I was retaining water. Did that stop me from jumping on that scale like I owned the joint?!?! Nope. ... Mon, 11 Mar 2013 16:05:40 EST 3/4/2013 Huge Steps http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5272944 Be and I made, what I believe, to be huge steps this weekend. We woke up on Sunday morning and I started talking...... I kind of just explained to him the roller coaster that I had been on for the past few days. I talked about things I have learned from reading books like "Where is God when it Hurts" and "Waiting on God". Things I've learned from the Love Dare and things I've learned from actually paying attention in church. <BR> <BR> At one point, he just said, "Wow. You put A LOT of ... Mon, 4 Mar 2013 15:22:14 EST 3/2/2013 Super Early Morning http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5269360 If you are taking the time to read this or follow my crazy, then first of all 'Thank You'. Just be warned that my words weren't coming out very well this morning. My thoughts were hard to put into words...... <BR> <BR> I had a horrible night's sleep last night. And early, early this morning I woke up with my head spinning and my brain in overdrive. <BR> <BR> As I laid there crying, screaming into my pillow, feeling sorry for myself I turned to prayer once again. Truthfully I was done,... Sat, 2 Mar 2013 06:59:13 EST 3/1/2013... Part 2 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5269166 This is one time when I hate being right, but I was. I knew it. (Of course he denies it, because he lives in a fairy tale land where I am blind and an idiot....) <BR> <BR> My heart is broken and I am super sad. I just don't understand it. <BR> <BR> What I have learned is that *I* can't make him not do it. I wish I could. I wish I was enough.... <BR> I've learned that I can't be nice enough.....because believe me, I tried. <BR> I've learned that I can't be understanding enough.....b... Fri, 1 Mar 2013 23:23:05 EST 3/1/2013 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5268757 It's been one month since Be has gotten high. This is usually the time frame or so that things go terribly down hill. I have been extremely anxious the past few days. I tried to talk to him about it and he reassured me he was fine. He volunteered to work all weekend last week and again tonight (Friday) this weekend. He said he was trying to keep himself busy. So, this tells me that he is in fact, struggling, but is conscious about it and is taking steps to avoid being tempted. <BR> <... Fri, 1 Mar 2013 15:30:14 EST The text message that had me in tears......twice! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5263581 I got a text message from an older cousin this afternoon and I wanted to share it....... <BR> <BR> "I'm so proud of you for taking control of your life and making the changes necessary to become a better person and get your life back on track. Not everyone has that strength. Keep up the good work. Love you! <BR> Oh and also....... your ass looks hot!" <BR> <BR> OK, first of all..... LOL The whole "your ass looks hot" is a family joke and I totally laughed til I cried. But then..... Mon, 25 Feb 2013 15:22:57 EST Start of BLC20 vs Start of BLC21 (Pics) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5236265 Once upon a time, an awesome Spark friend of mine (JENBUG) sent me some clothes. Among those clothes was a pair of white, skinny-legged jeans. I literally poured myself into those damn jeans and bravely took a picture for the beginning of BLC20. <BR> <BR> Today, I put those jeans back on and took a picture for the beginning of BLC21. Now, although I am not a huge fan of how these jeans fit on my legs, I am proud to see how big they are in the belly area! :-) <BR> <BR> <img src="htt... Sun, 3 Feb 2013 21:28:13 EST Forgiveness....... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5227900 Forgiveness is a really, REALLY tough thing to understand sometimes. There is usually a negative "something" attached to it. Someone had to do something wrong in order to need forgiveness....... <BR> <BR> Sometimes forgiving someone is easy. They prove to you that they are remorseful, or they promise you changes, or they show you that they are sorry. There are many reasons why forgiveness is in order. <BR> <BR> Then there are those times when forgiveness is necessary for YOU. What if... Mon, 28 Jan 2013 22:13:12 EST Life after goal??? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5227864 How will my life change when I reach my weight goal? That's a tough question to answer. <BR> <BR> Actually, what amazes me is how my life is changing RIGHT NOW. I'm a little less than 30lbs from my initial goal weight. I have lost approx 75lbs. So, yeah a LOT has changed. <BR> <BR> I have soooo much energy! When I'm at Zumba, I am ROCKIN' IT! Others notice. :-) <BR> <BR> When I catch my reflection in the window in our kitchen, it STILL makes me do a double-take. Sometimes, whe... Mon, 28 Jan 2013 21:53:25 EST An "All about me" Update!! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5197314 It's been awhile since I've blogged and frankly I miss talking about myself...... :-) <BR> So, alas....here is an update on the craziness I refer to as life. <BR> <BR> Be and I are getting along pretty darn good. We've had some setbacks, but have overcame them. I am continuing to really rely of God to help me through some of this stuff. I'm continuing to learn about my faith and learn how to lean on God when necessary and allowing Him to take some of the burden. <BR> <BR> I've also r... Tue, 8 Jan 2013 16:59:31 EST 10/30/2012 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5118094 I was just thinking the other day that it's been awhile since I've done a "dated" blog and thought to myself that I should do one just to put it out there, how well we are doing. You know, not just do one when hell breaks loose at home. That was last Thursday. On Friday I came home to, what I believe, Be high again. <BR> <BR> So, here goes another %*(^&^(* dated blog where I try and explain why I'm still here...... Please excuse me if I ramble and not make much sense. My brain changes... Tue, 30 Oct 2012 15:35:58 EST Mid-Round Slump Blues or NOT?! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5105166 Actually that's false advertisement, because while I feel like I was in a slump about a week ago, I'm not anymore!! Last week I went through this little rough patch where I felt like everyone was passing me by. I have been stuck at a plateau for quite awhile, basically losing/gaining the same few pounds. I have been very successful in my past BLC's (um....2) and was hoping for the weight to continue to roll off, but alas, that just doesn't happen. It has slowed down. As I take a closer l... Fri, 19 Oct 2012 16:25:21 EST Run?? Who, Me??? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5080044 I did something yesterday for the VERY FIRST TIME!! I ran. <BR> <BR> I have never been a runner. Ever. Let's face it, you just don't see too many 250+ lb people out there running...... I have never really even thought about running. It's just not something that has ever crossed my mind. I have lived my life okay with the fact that, "I'm just not a runner." <BR> <BR> Until now..... recently I have wondered what it would be like. Could I ever do it? Would it kill me? I'm no longe... Sat, 29 Sep 2012 23:53:24 EST It's all fun & games til it happens to you..... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5078573 Plateau Schmateau!! Right? Ya'll can relate and agree with me on that, can't ya?! <BR> <BR> I have basically been yo-yoing between the same 2-3lbs for about 6 weeks now and it's driving me INSANE!! (Here, I realize some of you are all like, "At least you don't have far to go....") But whatever. :-) <BR> <BR> I have cried, I have whined around, I have "looked at the bright side" and yes, of course I have literally wailed around to my Midnight Mustang teammates!! Where, only ONE would... Fri, 28 Sep 2012 15:09:26 EST BLC20 StrongEnd Goals (Edited to add 'before' pics) Be warned... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5057889 It's that time again..... I need to develop a StrongEnd plan for BLC20! I love when I have to do this because it's so nice to have a plan in place! The details are laid out for me, all I have to do is follow them! So here goes...... <BR> <BR> Week 1 (Sept 15-16) <BR> Hubs and I are planning a date night on Saturday night. Since I've already quit drinking alcohol all together, this won't be a problem. Now, all I have to do is concentrate on food-intake. My plan? <BR> ~Choose healthy op... Thu, 13 Sep 2012 16:03:52 EST Oops, I did it again! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5035791 It wasn't all that long ago when I blogged about hitting the 50lbs lost, and then immediately losing some focus and going into a funk. <BR> Well....... introducing 'Funk' Take 2...... <BR> <BR> I have very recently hit ONEderland. I am soooooo flippin' excited about it! I have been waiting for this day forever it seems! All of my hardwork and dedication is paying off and I am on the downhill side of this huge mountain I am trying to conquer! Great right? <BR> <BR> Um...... that laste... Wed, 29 Aug 2012 09:38:15 EST 8/20/2012 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5023701 First and foremost, I just want to say again, how much I appreciate each and every one of you that continue to support me. I really, really don't know what I would do without all of you. With that said, I do understand if you get tired of me saying the same things over and over...... I apologize, because this blog is going to be similar to others in the past. :'-( <BR> <BR> We had a huge setback this weekend. Not so much a set back as a 'we drove a big tank over everything we've worked o... Mon, 20 Aug 2012 17:03:12 EST 8/7/2012 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5006772 Hi! It's been quite awhile since I've blogged, let alone do a "dated" blog, so I thought it was time. I always feel so much better once I put it "out there", you know? It's like handing problems/concerns/whatever over to the Universe. Getting them off of my shoulders. :-) Not sure if any of you feel that way after you blog about something, but I sure do. <BR> <BR> There isn't a whole lot to report actually. Be continues to see our counselor on his own, but has dropped it down to abo... Wed, 8 Aug 2012 13:49:30 EST Looking back..... I can smile. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4974732 My goal for BLC19 was to lose 20lbs. Period. I knew it could be done, but I also knew with all of my heart that this was a pretty big goal to strive for. 20lbs in 12 weeks seems extremely possible on paper, but in real life...... that's a little different. We always, always have these great intentions. We start out like crazy, firing on all 8 cylinders, but then_______________ happens. (Insert whatever life throws at ya.) We've all been there, right? :-) <BR> <BR> Since our fin... Tue, 17 Jul 2012 14:47:19 EST No witty title here, Folks. :-) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4941826 You know, I haven't done a blog since Blahville and it's definitely time to get that off the top of the blog list!! I can happily report that though Blahville is a place that is visited by so many at any given time, it is not a place that I want to dwell! So, I didn't. Period. <BR> Since my trip there, I learned a lot. Through so many responses from so many wonderful Sparkers I learned that many, MANY of us visit there a time or two throughout our request to find our healthy versions of... Mon, 25 Jun 2012 14:54:02 EST Blahville--Population 1 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4923003 I feel a ton better today. I still am down right p*ssed off about literally gaining 5 lbs in ONE weekend, but have decided to not let that define me and to not let it undo ALL of the success I have had this far. For me, that in itself is progress. I used to allow one bad weekend (or any other time) as an excuse to go speeding down the hill, right back to Blahville--Population 1. Not this time! Not going to let that happen! I don't like Blahville. It's lonely there. My Sparkfriends are... Tue, 12 Jun 2012 09:40:00 EST 6/11/2012 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4921289 I had a really, really rough weekend. I'm not sure where to start, so I'll probably ramble for awhile..... <BR> <BR> I came home from work on Friday to Bebop baking cakes for the Cake Wheel for the town festival this weekend. For some reason, I had it in my head that he was going to be high. Why? I don't know, but I was convinced even before I got home. So, once home, I kept searching for clues that would prove I was right. Did I find them? It truth, no. But it was like my mind was... Mon, 11 Jun 2012 09:16:41 EST A bunch of halves...... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4917941 Today brought a few milestones with it...... <BR> <BR> Fridays are the day I officially update my Sparkpage and ticker with any progress that has been made for the week. I jumped out of bed this morning anxious to get on that scale....... and I was not disappointed! <BR> <BR> Today, I have officially lost 50 lbs!!! That's HALFway to my goal!! I'm so excited! It took me about 9 months to get here. You can see I'm not moving mountains here, but every little bit added up. Personally, ... Fri, 8 Jun 2012 15:37:29 EST A "dated" blog? Maybe. With a little random mixed in. :-) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4906105 UPDATE on Be and I..... Ever since "the session" (yes, I have termed it....) we have gotten along sooooo well. I've learned that when he went back to see the counselor by hisself, he apologized to her for bombarding her with all of this "new" information. She told him that *I* was the one he should be apologizing to. Which of course, he did. Like I said before, he did have some legit points and I have been very consious (sp???? damn.) of my reactions to him and my need to "control" thing... Thu, 31 May 2012 15:48:13 EST 5/16/2012....the session http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4884515 Once again, I feel like I've been kicked in the gut. Be and I hadn't really talked much since the weekend. It was a really quiet ride to the therapy session last night. <BR> <BR> Once we got in the room, Be let loose. Starting talking about how controlling I am, or at least that's how he feels. Brought up stuff from literally 10 years ago. Stuff I never knew bothered him. <BR> He talked about how we argue over the stupidest stuff all the time. Named off 3 or 4 perfect examples that o... Wed, 16 May 2012 17:00:58 EST LOVE is in the a..... er, uh on the screen! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4882879 I am completely floored by the outpouring of love and support that has been shown to me the last couple of days! I mean it is just amazing. <BR> <BR> None of you have ever even met me and you seem to care so much. Me. You guys care about me! That is unbelievable! <BR> <BR> I have read and re-read the comments on my latest blog and tears just roll. My heart just swells. Words cannot express how thankful I am for each and every one of you. Each one of you holds a special place in m... Tue, 15 May 2012 16:21:19 EST 5/14/2012 ....it happened :-'( http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4880746 We took a huge step backwards this weekend...... <BR> What I really want to say is BE took a huge step backwards! He let temptation get the best of him on Friday. <BR> What I really want to say is..... That*&#@$%&*& SOB failed me. He lied to me. He let me down. He disappoints me...... <BR> <BR> I don't even know what to say, where to start, or how to express my feelings. I'm so heartbroken. He chose drugs over me. That's how I see it. Our counselor and the wonderful people at Al-Anon ... Mon, 14 May 2012 11:29:49 EST