PRINCESS_SOFI's SparkPeople Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=PRINCESS%5FSOFI PRINCESS_SOFI's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community SparkPeople.com http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ Sick http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5731263 I cought a virus while I was on the conference in Florida. I flew back in last Thursday and I've been sleeping since then. After the projectile vomiting ended anyway. <BR> <BR> I really like the meds my psychiatrist has put me on. I don't feel any anxiety at all. <BR> <BR> Once I get fully healed I'll make a new plan to lose the regain weight. <BR> <BR> <em>102</em> Thu, 3 Jul 2014 11:24:37 EST NSV and Greedy Hotels http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5724411 So I've been in Orlando, FL since Saturday for a work conference. It's been one misfortune after another. I had double layovers flying in which resulted a 14 hour day at airports. Grumpy and tired we checked into this awful hotel that progressively gets worse. And it's only Monday. <BR> <BR> Saturday I buy a tiny (think 1/4 bottle) of wine for $10. On Sunday, I try the red instead. Today, I go to buy the original and it has doubled in price so I buy the 2nd option again. After finishing dinn... Mon, 23 Jun 2014 20:42:56 EST Paleothic Diet http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5722160 Calories planned for today: 1,304 <BR> <BR> People at work have been raving about this Paleo diet, or "caveman" diet and I'm gonna give it a try. It fits into my calorie restriction and is very low carb. I got to eat half a chicken for lunch today and my stomach didn't feel bloated like it did yesterday when I ate rice. I feel like just cutting out the grains and dairy alone will yield a result. My body just aches after meals that usually include a bread and a cheese. <BR> <BR> Tonight I'm... Fri, 20 Jun 2014 13:35:01 EST Calorie Counting http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5721255 I think I'm going to stop doing these stupid short term fad diets and just count my calories. I'm going to net 1200 a day. I plan on going to the gym and doing cardio and strength training at least 5 days per week. I'm limited to upper body strength training for a few months because of my knee. I used to count calories way back in the day and it was just as effective without being so limiting. I can eat anything, just in small portions. Normal people watch what they eat and portion sizes. The... Thu, 19 Jun 2014 09:36:40 EST Visit to Psychiatrist http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5719888 You never really know how much is wrong with you until you talk to a psychiatrist for 10 minutes. The guy absolutely shredded me. Clinical depression this, general anxiety disorder that, social phobia here. Basically, I have more meds to take now. I'm now taking escitalopram oxalate, hydroxyzine pamoate, prednisone, mirtazapine, symbacort. <BR> <BR> <em>198</em> <BR> <BR> When is this ever going to end? Tue, 17 Jun 2014 13:20:03 EST Weekend http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5719228 I had many beers this past weekend. This morning I woke up with a giant cold sore under my nose. To add to my medical calamities recently, I might also need physical therapy or surgery on my right shoulder. And, for some unknown reason, my right foot is swollen. I wish I could trade in this body for a new one. <BR> <BR> My MIL is at it again by getting on my nerves. I've mentioned it before that she views a low weight to be the ultimate achievement in life. Whenever I gain weight, she menti... Mon, 16 Jun 2014 15:35:17 EST I want a beer http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5717315 <em>297</em> All I want to do is go home, grab a beer, go shower with the beer, put on a mud mask, and space out to Netflix. And more beer. <BR> <BR> We had a baby shower at work where hotdogs were served. I usually could eat 3-4 hotdogs easily but I took only 1 and ate the banana I brought with me. The cake was too sweet. I've lost my love for wine recently. My taste has shifted to beer and whisky. The husband and I got into a fight last night so we're not speaking to each other again. <... Fri, 13 Jun 2014 15:38:51 EST Woe is Me http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5716382 <em>198</em> I am just not having a good week. Jesus. <BR> <BR> I had dinner with my friend and I kept itching my face because that morning I woke up with these weird bumps all over. Well, they got worse and spread to my neck. I'm not allergic to anything so I went to the clinic to see what is going on. I'm allergic to something but they don't know what. They put me on oral steroids for the next week and if it doesn't improve then I'll have to see a dermatalogist. <BR> <BR> While I was th... Thu, 12 Jun 2014 09:51:34 EST Stood Up http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5715918 At lunch time yesterday my power went out. It didn't come back on until 8 PM! We had a bad storm here and the box got hit with lightning. I went back to my office and my outlet had a surge and my computer shut down. Then I went to meet my friend at a restaurant and I'm waiting and waiting... call her and she was asleep. An hour and a half away. Oy vey. So basically, it was not my day yesterday. Today I'm breaking out in some kind of hives like an allergic reaction to something. <BR> <BR> I g... Wed, 11 Jun 2014 16:39:45 EST Day 10/60 Country Club http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5715119 Yesterday I volunteered at the local country club for a charity golf tournament. I got to drive a golf cart around all day recording the score of my team. And the food and drinks were free so I cheated... a lot. Come on, FREE gourmet food doesn't just happen every day! I was weak. But it was delicious. <BR> <BR> <em>15</em> <BR> <BR> I finally got my office back. No more cubicle hell! Tonight I'm having dinner with a friend and I will try to make good choices. My house lost power at lun... Tue, 10 Jun 2014 16:39:33 EST Day 8/60 Feeling Good http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5713379 I managed to fight through the cravings yesterday and I've been sober for 3 days. That in itself is amazing. Even though my weigh in wasn't what I wanted, it was the first time this entire year that I've LOST instead of GAINED. Go me. <BR> <BR> Dinner: Talapia, green beans, cheddar cheese. <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/5/2/l520155852.jpg"> <BR> <BR> I'm going back to work tomorrow after being off for more than two weeks. I hope there isn't too much piled up but knowin... Sun, 8 Jun 2014 11:01:08 EST Week 1 Weigh In http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5712572 Current weight: 163 lbs. ARGGGGGGGGGGGG. <BR> <BR> I followed the plan like maybe 3 days this week. So yea, still 20 lbs to lose for me. I guess I'll include some before pictures for this go around. This is me at the moment, compared to the 2nd photo which is what I looked like in the same pants at 144 lbs. <BR> <BR> Now: <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/6/8/l681059652.jpg"> <BR> <BR> October 24, 2013: <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/5/5/l559424842.j... Sat, 7 Jun 2014 08:31:54 EST Day 6/60 Plantation http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5712303 I've been off the wagon since the drama hit on Wednesday and undid all the progress I've made so far. Today I had lunch with my mother in law. She took me to dine at this popular plantation restoration that has a small cafe. I got the eggplant napoleon which is eggplant with a small crab cake underneath with a side of steamed carrot and asparagus. It was the most delicious thing I've ever had. I could barely enjoy my time though because I felt down about my regain. It's all I think about now.... Fri, 6 Jun 2014 18:53:15 EST Day 3/60 Drama http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5710314 <em>29</em> Oh god, the drama. It began with my mom calling me around 4 PM on Monday about a letter she received but it was addressed to me. It was a collection notice which naturally left me confused because I never received any medical bills. Apparently, my ER trip from February had a bill that no one told me about. The hospital and doctor are two different bills and when I gave my insurance info to the hospital, the doctor didn't get it. No one bothered telling me this so he went and "so... Wed, 4 Jun 2014 08:06:37 EST Day 2/60 Enough is Enough http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5708802 I made it past day 1! I got some cravings around the mid afternoon because the day was literally dragging on and on. Then my husband tries to tempt me around dinner time. I told him NO. Enough is enough. <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/4/5/l458984014.jpg"> <BR> <BR> Still trouble breathing today. I called and finally reached a psychiatrist and have my first appointment on June 17th. So now I have regular visits with my primary doctor, a therapist, and a psychiatrist... Mon, 2 Jun 2014 10:19:07 EST Day 1/60 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5708138 The day sure is dragging. I think it's because I can't breathe. The asthma is either manageable or not, depending on what I eat or drink. A drank a lot of red wine yesterday and I can hardly breathe at all today. I also feel like someone beat me with a bat. Everything hurts. It's true what they say about drinking and age. I'm getting old at 26 and can't drink the same amount without feeling like I'm going to die. <BR> <BR> <em>198</em> <BR> <BR> Ok, I have to lose these 20 lbs I've put... Sun, 1 Jun 2014 14:06:16 EST Body Image http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5707595 The first time I thought about losing weight was when I was in 5th grade. I was small and athletic. I had just learned to speak English fluently and thought one of those "you win a million dollars" spam mails was serious. I remember telling a classmate at lunch that my family was now rich so I had to become thinner. <BR> <BR> I don't know what happened but after that my body image has been completely off. I can't recall ever being happy at any weight. I've been at goal weight countless time... Sat, 31 May 2014 17:31:55 EST Well, OK. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5706806 I went to the gym yesterday and it still didn't help so I went and bought a turkey sandwich and some wine. After about 3 glasses I got enough courage to beat the game and start the next one. If only it stopped there. I also had Chinese food and Taco Bell. But I'm not beating myself up about it. I just to have to remember that life and people aren't perfect. I got up this morning, had a healthy breakfast, wrote it down in my food journal, and went for a run. <BR> <BR> Brush yourself off and ... Fri, 30 May 2014 12:56:17 EST Bad Day http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5705977 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/7/6/l762677824.jpg"> <BR> <BR> You ever notice how it's not something big but just a bunch of little things that snowball into a bad day? I woke up too late for my dentist and in a rush I burned my pancake. Then I had to get poked and prodded for an hour. The weather has been awful for 2 days. I don't want to play the last part of Mass Effect 2 because it's scary. Yesterday I was stuck on a level with these zombie guys for like an hour. I'm terr... Thu, 29 May 2014 11:13:00 EST Supersize vs. Superskinny http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5705088 First, a bit of good news. I am down almost 3 lbs since yesterday! I am currently giving fasting another go since I am not under the pressure of work at the moment. I'm off work for 2 weeks under FMLA and I won't return until June 9th. At lunch I have my therapy appointment. I'm feeling good. I slept 11 hours today and I am getting really relaxed. <BR> <BR> Yesterday's Menu: <BR> 7 AM -- MF Eggs <BR> 10:30 AM -- MF Cookie Dough Bar <BR> 12:45 PM -- "Grilled" Talapia and steamed broccoli <BR>... Wed, 28 May 2014 10:04:17 EST Applebee's and Mass Effect 2 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5704501 My mom and I had lunch today after she realized that they needed to take my depression seriously. I had never eaten at Applebee's but they advertise healthy meal options so I thought why not. It was a nightmare. Place is empty and it still takes them 45 minutes to get us the food. I ordered grilled talapia with steamed broccoli. It was bathed in oil. It's almost like it wasn't grilled, but pan fried in oil. My stomach is killing me. <BR> <BR> I've been keeping busy by playing Mass Effect 2.... Tue, 27 May 2014 15:36:54 EST Down the rabbit hole http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5703105 You ever feel like you are no longer on the tracks? You're not even in the train? You're "flying to Hogwarts on a magical car"off the plan? <BR> <BR> I do. <BR> <BR> My doctor has doubled my dosage. <BR> <BR> I look at myself and I hate myself. I go through bouts of horrible anxiety to pure loathing and then lethargy. I am angry all the time. I cry a lot. I eat and drink a lot too. I can't look at myself in the mirror. All I see is hate. But I look normal from the outside. <BR> <BR> Last... Sun, 25 May 2014 22:19:22 EST Cleaning http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5701596 It's my first day off. I started bright and early because I couldn't sleep. I had an egg white scramble with tomatoes, green onion, and 1/4 cup of steak strips. Then I cleaned and vacuumed the house for 2 hours. I scheduled a massage because my back and butt is killing me. It's hard work to clean! For lunch I baked popcorn shrimp and made two shrimp tacos. <BR> <BR> Tonight we are having another couple over for board games and wine. I'm kinda bored now and waiting on them to get here... in a... Fri, 23 May 2014 16:00:27 EST Taking some time off http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5700302 I'm taking off two weeks from work. I just can't handle it anymore. What really upsets me about the entire issue is my parents. I'm so mad I actually want to cut all ties with them. Nevermind the fact that I'm therapy because of them in the first place but now this. I tell my mom I have depression and she brushes it off. I tell her I'm slowly getting worse, again it's brushed aside like I'm somehow making this all up. And today I tell her that I will take some time off work to really take car... Wed, 21 May 2014 21:50:38 EST Dinner with my friend http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5699049 Last night I could have made better choices. Instead of the baked fish I got a hamburger. I also know now that I don't like hamburger. It takes forever to chew. I kept chewing and chewing and chewing and there was still more left! After that I got home and fell asleep from sheer exhaustion. <em>198</em> <BR> <BR> Can hamburger come pre-chewed? That sounds gross, actually. Nevermind. <BR> <BR> What really got me, though, was my friend. I told her I was back on Medifast and she wanted to ... Tue, 20 May 2014 08:53:33 EST Spa Day http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5698255 I had a spa day yesterday. There is a new luxury spa that opened up next to the mall and I had a Groupon for two services. Oh my god. I had found heaven and it serves wine as you relax. I got a volcanic stone massage and a brightening facial. My skin is glowing. I was so impressed that I bought six more massages! <BR> <BR> <em>30</em> I got a 90 minute swedish scheduled for Saturday. <BR> <BR> I have a lot of eating out plans this week. I'm going to dinner tonight with a friend. Then I ... Mon, 19 May 2014 09:36:56 EST An awesome kind of afternoon http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5696853 I don't know if it's the medicine or I just don't care anymore but yesterday I was ready to go so I asked my boss if I could just leave work early. She said sure. I called my mom and we went to have a girls afternoon. We went to Chili's and I got a turkey club sandwich and a margarita. Then we went shopping for like 3 hours. I got some nice outfits. I even stocked up on bath bombs from Lush. The cashier was like "are these all for you?" ... "hells yea they're for me". So apparently I have a b... Sat, 17 May 2014 08:13:02 EST Week 1 Weigh In http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5695727 <em>39</em> I didn't lose anything. <BR> <BR> The truth is I've been snacking at night. Between dinner and the 9 PM meal I get some cheese or a few pickle spears. I didn't have this problem before but then again, I'm now on anti-depressants which make me want to snack. I was told to cut out the cheese, limit spears to 2 a day, and if I have to snack on anything to eat sugar free jello. <BR> <BR> Sigh. <BR> <BR> I kept telling myself it was OK because it's better than binging but the onl... Thu, 15 May 2014 13:13:33 EST Cubicle Crazy http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5694762 Since the last week of April my office is under remodel. I've been placed in this tiny cubicle in the call/support center and it's driving me nuts. I used to have a big office and 3 windows. Quiet. Peace. People knocked. It's temporary I know. I'm going back to my new office after Labor Day later this month but jesus, hurry it up. It's so noisy. These people never shut up. I haven't been inside of a death cube since I was a student! <BR> <BR> I don't mean to sound spoiled but I went to schoo... Wed, 14 May 2014 09:33:34 EST Baked Talapia http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5693993 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/0/l1071254066.jpg"> <BR> <BR> Last night's Lean and Green was baked talapia and romaine lettuce with a roma tomato. I sprinkled lemon juice and dill on the fish before baking it. It turned out quite good. The program calls for 6-8 oz of protein. After that I went to the store and got a variety of fish to cook. I got cod, salmon, and some others I can't remember. I also got some already prepared chicken for the grab and go dinner if I need to. ... Tue, 13 May 2014 08:52:58 EST The Buffet http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5693268 I didn't do so great. All that delicious food... stuff I can try all for one price. Basically, I like anything deep fried. <em>198</em> It turns out I hate sushi. I love fish and shrimp. I like chicken but only if it's white meat. The sake was also quite good. Out of habit I went and ate mostly vegetables. <em>485</em> <em>284</em> <em>267</em> <BR> <BR> I can tell the medicine is helping me and my husband seems happier as well. Yesterday when he kissed me I actually felt it, fel... Mon, 12 May 2014 10:03:22 EST I'm Getting Sick and Tired of Starting Day 1 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5692478 Damnit, it's Day 1 again for me. <BR> <BR> <em>198</em> <BR> <BR> I'm so tired of this. If I could lock myself into a room for the next month, I'd be perfectly fine. People mess up my day. People annoy me. People ruin my mood. It just occurred to me that even after months of therapy, I have no healthy coping mechanisms when dealing with stress. I just instantly freak out, binge, and hate myself. This lasts days, months, sometimes entire years. <BR> <BR> I recently got back into playin... Sun, 11 May 2014 08:42:49 EST The Bit** At Work http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5691591 Today I wanted to punch someone. <BR> <BR> Today I wanted to jump out of a moving car. <BR> <BR> Today I almost lost control and unleashed the unholy stream of words and obscenities that not only would cost me my job, but I may have actually gotten arrested. <BR> <BR> I am so angry. <BR> <BR> As you know, today I began my new journey. I'm also getting used to the new meds which remind me life is worth living. Today I had to go on a work field trip out of the city with a person who is hat... Fri, 9 May 2014 22:02:52 EST Taco Bell Last Meal http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5691215 So last night I had my "last meal" before I began fasting again. I chose Taco Bell. All of last year I kept seeing commercials for that stupid Dorito taco and I couldn't eat it because it contained beef. Well, last night I chose that and I'm so glad I did. It was the most delicious thing I've ever tasted. I ate five. <BR> <BR> <em>4</em> <BR> <BR> The memory will keep me going for a month. It was pure junk food deliciousness. On a scale of 1-10 this was a 200. It's actually the first t... Fri, 9 May 2014 10:32:49 EST So It Goes On http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5690711 I went to Medifast today and bought some of their food containing meat. They got the eggs back in stock. I am officially 15 lbs heavier than December 2013. The gym I joined opens tomorrow so I'm going to buy some cute new outfits tonight after work. <BR> <BR> Dining out on the Medifast plan will be easier because now I can order a fish or other seafood on a salad and it being OK and filling. Before, I couldn't go out for almost 6 months. That sucked. I have this love hate relationship with... Thu, 8 May 2014 16:57:11 EST My First Meat Dish http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5688911 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/3/l1378010019.jpg"> <BR> <BR> Yesterday I went to the store and picked up my first meat for dinner. As I previously mentioned, my coworker suggested steam snow crab and I was already craving broiled asparagus. It was difficult to eat. I couldn't break the shell and I cut my finger. I ended up using a meat tenderizer to smash the legs and claws so I could actually eat. <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/8/l1840343437.j... Tue, 6 May 2014 11:54:23 EST From Vegetarian To Eating Meat http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5688043 <em>551</em> I've been a vegetarian for 14 years and tonight I will have my first meat dish. <BR> <BR> This wasn't a rash decision. It has been in the back of my mind for a year now. I didn't have a reason to go vegetarian in the first place, I just did. I never suffered or felt deprived. I just didn't want it anymore. In the past year I seemed to be lingering on meat. I would stare longingly at what someone else was eating and in the past few weeks it almost smelled good. The smell of chi... Mon, 5 May 2014 12:56:46 EST Passed the Citizenship Test http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5684338 This morning I passed my citizenship test. In 30-45 days I will be sworn in and become an official American. <em>652</em> So yea, another crazy person to add to the mix. Good luck everybody. <BR> <BR> I'm doing better, a bit. At least I'm not crying. The gym needs to hurry up and open. I need to go buy cute outfits to wear. <BR> <BR> Also, after some consideration over the past few months I have decided to stop being a vegetarian after 14 years. I truly think it will improve my life subs... Wed, 30 Apr 2014 20:43:33 EST The Breakdown http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5682253 This morning I went back to work after a less than pleasant vacation. I had trouble breathing but I told myself to just get through the day. But apparently I can't control my emotions anymore. My boss asked me if I was ok and I just instantly started sobbing. I couldn't breathe and I was hunched over. They drove me home. <BR> <BR> I'm falling apart. Today I started taking my anti-depressants. <BR> <BR> Will this keep happening? Will I just break every time someone asks me a sensitive ques... Mon, 28 Apr 2014 10:03:58 EST I'm on vacation http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5676436 Finally. After over 3 years with no break and stress I get 10 days off. It's day 3 now and I am considerably less wound up. I'm even drinking less. Sometimes.. well, ok, every day I question my career choice and if choosing a different path would make me happier. I never really thought about it. I think in college I picked the first thing I saw and convinced myself that I love it. It is interesting, but I hate people. Maybe HR isn't for me. <BR> <BR> Actually, I've always wanted to be a web... Sun, 20 Apr 2014 15:15:02 EST Rock Bottom http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5666537 Well, maybe not rock bottom but the ledge right before it. <em>39</em> I'm back in the 150s and I feel like crap. I started going back to Medifast every week and it's not "happening" like it did the first time. I would follow the program and I'd get so hungry that I would throw up. I talked to them about it and it seems my metabolism has changed since I was fasting for 5 months last year. Nausea is the sign that my body is truly going into starvation mode and that's bad. I've been cleared... Mon, 7 Apr 2014 13:04:02 EST Dinner with Friend http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5646197 <em>4</em> I had Thai food for the first time at dinner last night. Honestly, I can't tell the difference between Thai and Chinese. I had the vegetable delight (steamed veggies and tofu) over rice. It wasn't bad but it wasn't great either. Not much you can really do with just those ingredients. <BR> <BR> Meeting with my friend was awesome. It was like no time had passed and I think I will make an effort to see her on a regular basis. Perhaps I could get a best friend again. I'm meeting my... Wed, 12 Mar 2014 12:55:03 EST Running Again http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5645368 I picked up running again. Not following C25K or anything, just running until I get tired and try to run longer the next day. I made it half a mile yesterday before I got winded and today I'm not sore at all which means it's just my cardio that's gotten down. Eating soups and trying to reduce alcohol intake as well. Baby steps. <BR> <BR> I'm meeting a friend tonight for dinner at some Thai place. I've never eaten Thai before but I don't really care. It bothers me that I don't have friends. T... Tue, 11 Mar 2014 12:54:40 EST Thoughts on London http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5642189 <em>189</em> I've thought about going to London for my vacation this summer. It's wildly expensive and I'd have to get my citizenship first but it's an idea floating around. I spent all morning looking for good places to eat and such. London is huge. <BR> <BR> Now that makes 4-5 times now that I've failed to start Medifast again and I'm calling it. I don't think my mind or body want to ever go back there again. Especially not so soon. So now my focus is back on being generally healthy. I ... Fri, 7 Mar 2014 12:54:38 EST Facepalm Picard http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5641389 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/4/5/l45410786.jpg"> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/9/l1943708937.jpg"> <BR> <BR> Some jerk ordered pizza at work yesterday. After that, it's all I could think about. I spaced out during meetings and only thought of melty cheesy goodness. Then I went home and ordered pizza. I've been fasting for two days so I threw up everything. Now my throat hurts and I hurt and WHYYYY. <BR> <BR> I have no self control. I'm at a loss of ... Thu, 6 Mar 2014 12:50:42 EST More Relaxed http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5640447 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/9/l1952805512.jpg"> <BR> <BR> Here's my other cat, Isis. Usually the grumpy one but she's cute sometimes. Today I am more relaxed in general. It's day 2 of being on Medifast again and I haven't felt any cravings, more like a longing. You know me, if I ever truly felt an uncontrollable craving I'd cave. Luckily, that only happened 5-6 times during my 5 month program last year. I think the less stress is coming from my sobriety. When I am hungov... Wed, 5 Mar 2014 12:58:58 EST Cold and Rainy http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5639576 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/9/5/l95037536.jpg"> <BR> <BR> That's BonBon comforting me while I rested on the couch all day yesterday after lunch. I feel better, turns out I just had food poisoning from something I ate Sunday. And I have a cold sore that is really ugly and painful.. but at least it's not the flu. <BR> <BR> Today is cold and rainy, icicles on my car. Some departments were told to go home and we are still working. Maybe I'll get off earlier. My boss mentione... Tue, 4 Mar 2014 13:57:52 EST Shaky Start http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5638615 <em>9</em> I started my Medifast again this morning. I've lost 4 lbs since I woke up. I feel like I'm getting cleansed of 2 months worth of burgers, fries, and pizza. Got sent home from work because I kept running to the bathroom. I also woke up with a cold sore so I might have the flu. No idea. I feel better though. <BR> <BR> My weigh in is Saturday morning at 11 I think. I would have done it earlier but at 7 I am volunteering for the Susan B. Komen race here. Then it's also my two year ... Mon, 3 Mar 2014 13:20:01 EST Thankful http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5638030 I read your responses to my last blog and I cried as I read each entry. It really touched me. In fact, that's why I write this blog. I had no idea how many people dealt with my kind of problem before. I felt so alone. I am keeping the fact that I'm in therapy from everyone except my husband. How can I tell? When they are the cause. I feel so guilty feeling traumatized from their actions.. it's a new level of messed up. <BR> <BR> You guys, I've been saying it for like 6 months but I seriousl... Sun, 2 Mar 2014 21:00:42 EST Hmm http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5636506 Well, my therapist believes I may be on the verge of a mental breakdown. I explained in detail of what I feel daily and the struggles I face and she said I need to immediately take action. Last week I was so stressed that I had to sedate myself every day just to make it through. I've also developed habitual night sweats. It's getting worse. <BR> <BR> Sometimes I can't tell reality from fiction. The other day I almost ran into someone while I was lost in thought. I forgot I was driving. I ca... Fri, 28 Feb 2014 23:24:21 EST