PRINCESSBEITER's SparkPeople Blog PRINCESSBEITER's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Still here, or back to start all over again. December 31, 2011, my grandmother passed away. Since then, I've been busy trying to clean out all the junk she left behind. <BR> <BR> I'm not talking about heirlooms or antiques or even keep-sakes. I'm talking about J-U-N-K! She kept everything. She kept old aluminum foil, old rags, clothes from the 60's and 70's that she couldn't wear, let alone WANTED to wear. She had shoes that were still in the boxes. She had clothes with the tags still on them. Jar lids and old newspapers. (If y... Mon, 13 Feb 2012 10:59:48 EST Learning to LIVE Each Day. "May you live every day of your life." - Jonathan Swift <BR> <BR> It seems like every day is the same. Get up, wash dishes, do laundry, get groceries, go to doctors' appointments, etc. It's all the same day. It's no wonder it's so hard to remember what day it is. They're all the same. <BR> <BR> So, what do I do to make things different? How do I shake up my life? <BR> <BR> In thinking about this quote, I feel like I've gotten so far away from actually living that I'm not sure I'll... Wed, 14 Dec 2011 23:33:03 EST Stress Journal - First Entry Stress, what can I say that hasn't already been said? <BR> <BR> Okay, so I've got a grandmother who's 88 and has pancreatic cancer. I've got a friend who doesn't get along with my grandmother, and she doesn't like him, either. They both fuss about each other all the time. <BR> <BR> They don't seem to realize, or care, that they're causing me endless stress. I have tried to get them to work together, but let's face it, they won't cooperate with me let alone each other. <BR> <BR> Today ... Tue, 29 Nov 2011 23:29:22 EST Life's Hard so get over it. <BR> <BR> That's what I keep telling myself, but it doesn't work. I'm still angry and depressed and just plain tired. <BR> <BR> I've got a little over a month to go before I get my sleep titration study. (That's where they fit you for a CPAP machine for sleep apnea.) <BR> <BR> I'm losing weight, slowly, but surely so that's a good thing. <BR> <BR> I think my biggest problem is that my grandmother is becoming senile. Quickly. She's started being cranky and forgetful a... Mon, 21 Nov 2011 13:10:56 EST Bad Week but... I still lost weight. I'm down a total of 20 pounds since I started Spark People back in March, a total of 35 pounds since I was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes last November. <BR> <BR> There was a lot of emotional turmoil this week and I ate things I shouldn't have. But, I did start back exercising so I still lost weight. <BR> <BR> I WILL do this. I will, I will, I will! Thu, 17 Nov 2011 17:33:13 EST Well, that 17 pounds are gone again! Last week I started on a medically supervised diet program, Remedy Weightloss. It was either this or surgery. I'm not ready to give up and have the gastric surgery, even though lots of people have had great results from it. <BR> <BR> It's a VERY restrictive diet, virtually NO carbs, but that's only until you get the weight off. Once you start getting close to your goal weight, they ease you back into healthy eating. <BR> <BR> Okay, so here are my first week results: <BR> <BR> Weight: d... Thu, 10 Nov 2011 19:03:23 EST Totally not about losing weight. Today I had to run a few errands in town. (I live in a very small town and that is a significant piece of information for this rant.) <BR> <BR> I went to the court house to pick up some papers for my mother. I parked in the ONLY handicapped spot by the court house. Now, normally I would not have parked there, but my knees are giving me trouble and I can't manage the steps at the other end. Also, it is perfectly legal for me since I've been legally handicapped since about 2005. So, I pa... Wed, 5 Oct 2011 14:55:28 EST What are my goals for this month? I need to get moving. My number one goal is to actually exercise 7 days a week, even if it's just walking. I have set a goal to lose 10 pounds by Halloween. With a lot of work and support, I KNOW I CAN DO IT! <BR> <BR> Yesterday I had a lot of things to think about and I really wanted to blog, but as things do, they've slipped my mind. This journey is being made especially hard for me because I'm dealing with impending death. Not mine, my grandmother's. She's got pancreatic cancer and ... Mon, 3 Oct 2011 20:23:11 EST What Next!? Okay, I give up. There is no way to plan anything. There is no way to predict what life will throw at you! <BR> <BR> Last Tuesday I was taking my grandmother to the doctor for a routine visit, just needed him to fill out some paper work. She was feeling fine, in good spirits, and not really too cranky about going. <BR> <BR> So, her home health aid comes to give her a bath and get her ready for the trip. Everything is fine. This was at around 9:30 or 10 in the morning. We have lunch... Tue, 27 Sep 2011 17:45:34 EST Should the Schools Send Parents an "Obesity Report Card?" I was just watching a segment on The Doctors about schools sending report cards to parents telling them what their child's BMI is and telling the parents that their children are obese. <BR> <BR> Would you want that? For those of us who were overweight as children, would you have wanted your school to point out the fact that you're overweight? <BR> <BR> I think most parents and children know that they're overweight. The kids on the playground point that out daily. Why would you want your... Mon, 19 Sep 2011 17:41:02 EST Ready for Fall and Another New Start I've got to get back to work. I've spent all summer going to doctors and one therapy after another and I just haven't exercised or watched my eating very well. It's time to change that. It's past time. <BR> <BR> This week is a new beginning. Again. Sun, 18 Sep 2011 12:27:08 EST Just a quick list of what is wrong with me. This is the physical illnesses, not why I am the way I am. I guess there's a difference? lol <BR> <BR> PCOS <BR> Lymphedema <BR> Diabetes <BR> Bi-polar Disorder <BR> Endometrial Hyperplasia, without atypia <BR> Sleep Apnea <BR> Morbid Obesity <BR> <BR> Is that enough? Shall we add Hypochondria to that list? My friend thinks that, he just doesn't come right out and say it. I think the doctors have always thought it, that's why they don't bother to treat me for anything. Maybe they don'... Sun, 14 Aug 2011 23:41:17 EST Choices, Choices, Choices! I have to make a very big decision. Do I get yet another D&C, I had one in February, and let them install (?) a Mirena device, OR do I just get a hysterectomy and be done with it? <BR> <BR> I have Endometrial Hyperplasia without Atpyia. This basically means that the lining of my uterus is too thick. Back in Feb., they found some polyps in my uterus and removed them. They also found some pre-cancerous cells. My doctor put me on Proveral for three months and when I went back for the fol... Tue, 2 Aug 2011 13:46:11 EST I'm doing better, now. I got some really good sleep last night, I was able to get up at 5:30 this morning and exercise and get some housework done today. <BR> <BR> Now, I'm getting ready to go to bed, but I've decided to update my goals a little. I'm not sure just what I'm going to focus on, but I know it's time for a goal make-over. <BR> <BR> We'll see what tomorrow brings. Wed, 13 Jul 2011 23:22:51 EST A Little Pat on the Back for Myself. I've had a couple of really bad blogs. But yesterday, as it's 1:30 in the morning, now, I learned that I'd actually lost 5.8 pounds since last Tuesday! And, I felt so good about that, I exercised for nearly an hour and a half! (This is my usual amount of time, so I didn't really overdo anything.) <BR> <BR> I guess I should have done it much earlier in the day, now I'm all revved up. (The iced tea that I've had tonight isn't helping the situation, either. I've been off the caffeine for a... Tue, 12 Jul 2011 02:36:07 EST Feeling a bit better today. Getting things out in the open can be cathartic. It's like emptying the trash. You've got room to put more junk. <BR> <BR> I still have all those problems. I still have to figure out how to overcome them. I still need to lose weight. <BR> <BR> I will. I have to, or I'll die. Mon, 11 Jul 2011 14:23:07 EST Okay, time to come clean. It's time I started telling everything so maybe I can move on and get real help. <BR> <BR> First, I suffer from extremely low self esteem. This was created, I believe, by my mother who put me on diets at the age of 8. Looking back, I was a chubby kid, but not really that overweight. Most likely, I would have lost the baby fat as I got older IF she hadn't harped on my weight so much when I was so young. At some point, I believe I was about 9 or 10, I decided that if people didn't like me ... Sun, 10 Jul 2011 20:26:10 EST Guilt...Is it really mine? I feel guilty about everything. When someone accuses me of something, I feel guilty, even though I didn't do it. I feel like I should take the blame for everything. <BR> <BR> This is not a new feeling. I've spent my entire life, from early childhood, believing that all that goes wrong around me is my fault. I think it's possibly why I turn to food for comfort. Food doesn't yell at me or blame me for anything. Food doesn't accuse me of lying or anything else. Food is just there. Until... Tue, 5 Jul 2011 23:25:44 EST Portion Sizes? Food Makers Need to Get Real! Has anyone ever eaten just 2 tablespoons of salsa? I don't know about you, but I could drink the stuff. And cookies? How many of those packages say just one cookie is a serving size? Too many. <BR> <BR> The people who figure that stuff should get real. If I'm going to eat a cookie, I'm going to eat 2 or even 3. Why not just tell me how many calories I'll be consuming for three cookies? <BR> <BR> If I want a cookie, I'm not in the mood to do the math. Just give me the calories in t... Mon, 4 Jul 2011 13:56:08 EST A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to PT I got my will to exercise back. I did nearly a mile on Wii Walk it Out, then I did 30 minutes of Wii Fit Plus Yoga. I feel better about myself when I exercise. <BR> <BR> I planned my whole "nutrition" day last night. I stuck to it, mostly. I didn't actually eat all that I had planned to eat, but I got enough. I'm not snacking tonight. I'm actually full. <BR> <BR> Go figure. The experts are right. Eat enough of the right kind of foods and you won't be hungry for the wrong things. <BR... Fri, 1 Jul 2011 23:36:35 EST Day 2 of PT I'm a little nervous but I think it will help. Even if the pain doesn't go away, the exercise won't hurt my health. <BR> <BR> I went Wii Bowling yesterday, didn't do too bad, but then I'm a crappy bowler. lol I played Wii Tennis, lost both games, but then I've never actually played tennis. So, I guess I'm learning. <BR> <BR> We'll see what tomorrow brings. Thu, 30 Jun 2011 15:39:14 EST Update on, well, Me! Ok, so I've been lax in doing the Spark People stuff. I've been tracking some, not all, of my food, but that's about it. I've been reading articles and posting on message boards, but I just can't seem to get motivated to get back to the exercising. <BR> <BR> Well, that should all end tomorrow. I've had this pain in my neck and shoulders for months. My doctor says it's muscle spasms. So, tomorrow I start physical therapy. Next Tuesday, I get to go to Occupational Therapy for the swellin... Tue, 28 Jun 2011 18:07:24 EST Is it Just Me... or do a lot of women tell stories about what size they wear? <BR> <BR> Here's the thing. I've seen these ads and talk shows where women have lost weight. They claimed they wore a size 18 or 20 and lost down to a size 8 or 10. Now, I see the before pics and these women look at least as big as I am, and I haven't been able to get into a 20 in years. I wear a 26/28 or 30/32 shirt, depending on the brand. (Usually I get the bigger size because I like my shirts to be baggy and not tough me a... Mon, 20 Jun 2011 14:26:58 EST Just Leave Me Alone! I really need the world to go away and leave me alone. I am CRANKY and I can't help it. <BR> <BR> First, I'm trying to eat less, and we all know that makes us cranky. <BR> <BR> Second, I'm not on the proper medications for all my problems, and I'd be willing to bet that the ones I am on are just fighting each other and making things just that much worse. <BR> <BR> Finally, I think I'm losing my mind. Ok, so that's a given. I lost most of that years ago, we just don't talk about it. lol... Sat, 28 May 2011 15:00:00 EST I hate thinking about exercise and diet! One of the things that scared me the most about going on any diet or weight loss plan or life altering adventure was, and is, the fact that you have to think about what you eat and what you do all the time. You have to plan your meals ahead of time. You have to carve out time to exercise. You have to do this every day of your life. And it never ends. If you lose the weight, you can't just stop doing all the planning. Oh no! You have to do it every day till your last one. <BR> <BR> NOT... Sat, 21 May 2011 16:06:32 EST Totally not about Spark People or Weight loss! I have a FaceBook page that I've just recently started using. Actually, it was SparkPeople that led me to look at my FaceBook page. <BR> <BR> Okay, so I found quite a few close family members and cousins and a few folks I went to high school with. One of the guys I went to school with doesn't post anything offensive, but he does "like" a lot of pictures of half-naked women. Now, under most circumstances, I wouldn't really have a problem with that, I know middle-aged men are frequently obs... Wed, 11 May 2011 16:09:59 EST I am NOT less than others because of my weight! I have to admit, I frequently get blog ideas from ready other people's blogs. Maybe that's good, maybe it's not, who knows. <BR> <BR> I read one just now on sparkers attacking themselves. Okay, so it's a nasty habit and we all do it. <BR> <BR> Self-deprecation is a a bad thing, but it is a LEARNED thing. We learn it from the kids we go to school with. When we're fat as children, we get all the teasing about it and most of the time, we hear it so much that we start to believe that we're ... Sat, 7 May 2011 13:02:03 EST ME FIRST! I spend so much of my time trying to make sure everyone else is happy that I really don't leave time for myself. I never seem to get to do the things I want to do because everyone else wants to do something else. I can't tell you how many times I've asked myself, "when will it be MY turn?" <BR> <BR> Well, it's MY turn NOW! I cannot take care of others if I don't take care of ME first. That's a real hard thing for me to do. I think most women feel that we should put our family and friend... Mon, 2 May 2011 19:53:48 EST Okay, It's May First and Time to Start a New Challenge. I'm starting the new Bootcamp challenge today. I'm also just starting all over with the whole thing. I'll be rereading "The Spark," starting tonight, and restarting the SparkDiet AND restarting the Diabetes 8-week Challenge. <BR> <BR> I don't think that's too many to start all at once because they all have many of the same elements. I do think that I totally screwed up the month of April, so that's why I'm starting all over. <BR> <BR> It's good to go back to the starting line once in a w... Sun, 1 May 2011 13:01:15 EST I'm not doing well. I've had emotional issues and health issues all April. I've been eating right, mostly, but I haven't been able to exercise much all month. <BR> <BR> So, I have decided that since May is just a few days away, and so is the end of this week, I will start over at Day 1 on Sunday, May 1, 2011. <BR> <BR> I'll continue to do my upper body strength exercises and try to keep eating right, but I'll wait till Sunday to restart with the Wii and other cardio. <BR> <BR> I'm also going to reread "The S... Wed, 27 Apr 2011 15:37:56 EST How does a grown woman lose her shoes? They've got to be in this house, somewhere. I really need at least one of the wandering shoes. <BR> <BR> Ok, so I moved from my house into my grandmother's house in order to see after her full time. In moving the contents of my closet, I managed to get a pair of dress shoes separated from each other, and completely lost the other pair. Now, I have a real need for them and I have about a half dozen trash bags full of my clothes, there's nowhere to put them in this house, to go through to f... Tue, 19 Apr 2011 18:45:20 EST Starting Tomorrow Morning... I will take the attitude that "Today is the first day of the rest of my life!" (I'll be starting my over every day, but... <BR> <BR> I will not live in the past. <BR> <BR> I will not let the negativity of others get me down. <BR> <BR> I will not get upset over things I cannot change. <BR> <BR> I will take care of ME first. <BR> <BR> I will live for today while planning for tomorrow. <BR> <BR> I will let my positive attitude inspire others. <BR> <BR> I will change the things that I hav... Mon, 18 Apr 2011 23:22:25 EST Arrrgggghhhh! I can't win. I just cannot win. I get all emotionally ready to start back on my exercising when I get some kind of infection on my upper thigh. I can't stand to walk, let alone work out. <BR> <BR> I guess I'll be doing a lot of upper body stuff this week. I WILL NOT let it stop me cold in my tracks. <em>249</em> Sat, 16 Apr 2011 16:19:17 EST So I Totally Blew the Entire Week. I had a really bad week. It started out on Monday with me being diagnosed with Endometrial Hyperplasia and progressed downhill from there. Two of the people who matter most to me are fighting with each other. They won't speak, well, my Grandmother will not speak to my friend. He apologized for what he said to her, but she will not accept it or forgive him. <BR> <BR> I need to just stop here and tell my readers, if there are any, that I am a Christian. I don't belong to any church, but I... Fri, 15 Apr 2011 18:17:10 EST I've Got My Grandmother Exercising! I was doing a fifteen minute strength video with the bands and she was watching. When I looked up, she was doing the exercises right along with me, she's 88 and in a wheelchair. Tomorrow I'll give her a resistance band and let her do all she can. I doubt she'll be able to walk, but maybe she'll be able to get in and out of her chair more easily. <BR> <BR> <em>243</em> Grandma! Fri, 8 Apr 2011 17:43:57 EST I'm Still Here! One month, or most of one, down, many more to go. I've exercised, watched what I ate, taken all my medications on time, now on to more daily tasks! <BR> <BR> For April, my goals are to actually go to bed and get up at a decent, regular time, every day; to get my normal chores done early so I can do other things later; and to find a Spark Buddy. <BR> <BR> We'll see how it goes. I'm not good at following through, but I've stuck to this longer than I have to any other life style-changing pla... Sun, 3 Apr 2011 19:40:34 EST Bad, Bad Day. Just a bad, bad day. I had an appointment to have the rest of the skin tags removed from my neck. That is NOT fun, just in case you were wondering. My mother called, from 400 miles away, and said that she was home alone with my young niece and nephew and could not breathe. She's been in the hospital trying to find out why this is happening, but they still don't know. She couldn't get in touch with my sister, so she called me. Of course I told her to hang up and dial 9-1-1. <BR> <BR> Th... Wed, 23 Mar 2011 18:56:18 EST New Goal I MUST learn to have something for breakfast every single day. Right now, I'm shooting for a Glucerna shake. I'm not a breakfast person, but I do know that it is very important to start off every day with something nutritious. <BR> <BR> Mon, 21 Mar 2011 18:55:33 EST Today I Walked Through Walmart! Normally, I use those riding carts because I just can't hold out to do all my shopping. Today, however, I made up my mind before I got to the store that I would get a regular buggy and WALK to do my shopping. <BR> <BR> It did feel good. <BR> <BR> Ok, so tomorrow I remember to actually buy the things I needed and forgot! <em>2</em> Sun, 20 Mar 2011 21:06:02 EST Today's Goal Today, I need to start eating right. <BR> <BR> I've tracked my food for about a week and I've discovered that I'm not getting enough protein and I'm getting too many carbs. (I don't believe they're the "good" carbs, either.) <BR> <BR> I know I'm worth the effort and I know that if I keep that in mind, I'll do a lot better. I don't expect miracles, I know it took 46 years to get here. I just hope it doesn't take 46 more to get fit! <em>40</em> <BR> <BR> Oh, and I can't forget to lau... Sat, 19 Mar 2011 13:51:03 EST Daily Affirmation I know I can do this. I'm worth it. Fri, 18 Mar 2011 23:47:41 EST Yea! I Lost Five Pounds! Now, I have to work a little harder on the exercise. I've been logging all my food and watching what I eat and I have been walking. I miss the Wii Fit Plus, so I'm really trying to find time to work it in. <BR> <BR> <em>244</em> Fri, 18 Mar 2011 14:14:27 EST Today is the First Day of the Rest of My Life. I sure hope it's better than yesterday. <BR> <BR> Yesterday, I didn't pay attention to my weight, or really anything else. I spent all my time worrying about what others wanted or needed from me. <BR> <BR> Yesterday, I slept all day and ate all night. <BR> <BR> Yesterday, I sat like a bump on a log and watched TV. <BR> <BR> Yesterday, I just didn't care. <BR> <BR> Today, I'm working toward changing all that. I'm seeing doctors to help me learn to manage my weight and diabetes. <BR> <B... Tue, 15 Mar 2011 18:48:33 EST