PJH2028's SparkPeople Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=PJH2028 PJH2028's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community SparkPeople.com http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ am and pm - discuss http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5818883 so… morning check-ins are so grounding <BR> giving a kiss and a hug to myself <BR> as i start the day <BR> with intentions <BR> with presence <BR> Inhale <BR> Exhale <BR> Drink water <BR> take vitamins <BR> Log first bites…. <BR> <BR> Lunch the past few days is telegraphed in by phone <BR> ANd that too has been smooth <BR> <BR> It's by mid-late afternoon the past couple of days (and in general as i look back) <BR> by 2/3pm a "snack" not well-enough PLANNED <BR> <BR> **yes, p… here's th... Tue, 18 Nov 2014 10:57:10 EST The 10 Commandments of True Happiness - Deepak Chopra http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5818293 1. Listen to Your Body’s Wisdom <BR> <BR> Our body expresses itself through signals of comfort and discomfort. When choosing a certain behavior, ask your body, “How do you feel about this?” If your body sends a signal of physical or emotional distress, watch out. If your body sends a signal of comfort and eagerness, proceed. <BR> <BR> 2. Live in the Present <BR> <BR> The present is the only moment you have. Keep your attention on what is here and now; look for the fullness in every moment.... Mon, 17 Nov 2014 11:30:42 EST Frequent Flyers and other clubs on the head http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5792218 Wow. Last blog was in July??? That's a 'tell'… for sure. <BR> Here I am, now. Sitting in a little seaside village in CA… in a rented house… with craigslist sofa a couple of chairs, …. Great fortune in these parts. Boxes. Kitchen not working yet. Eating out too much. <BR> <BR> I'm not good at transitions. <BR> Because-- my mind can't stop problem solving… and my focus on wholistic living is frazzled. What goes first is the food. And when the food is working IT takes a whole lo... Sat, 4 Oct 2014 11:25:13 EST Pants - Fit … Alice http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5731165 For as long as I can remember… that scene in Alice in Wonderland.. You know the one… the bigger smaller bigger smaller scene…. hooked me and is in my image repertoire, haunts me. <BR> <BR> I put on the MK orange jeans I bought almost 2 years ago… today <BR> yeah, the ones that had gotten Too Big…. but not SO too big I couldn't wear them <BR> yeah, the ones I considered throwing out <BR> because of the idea of 'not keeping bigger sizes… not leaving the door open'. <BR> <BR> Well… Today the... Thu, 3 Jul 2014 09:07:09 EST Don't Panic http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5730103 ahh.ha. <BR> This is not about the history. <BR> This is about NOW. <BR> And This is about ME. Moi. <BR> <BR> I've been in a panic. Accellerating. <BR> Life circumstances. Undercurrents becoming main narratives. <BR> I maintained a wt loss of 80 lbs for over a year. <BR> Then shi* happened. And I did pretty good considering. Up and down. But only 5 lb swings. <BR> Then … as challenges got more and more new and habits fell away <BR> I panicked SOFTLY <BR> softly at first. <BR> COPING ... Tue, 1 Jul 2014 20:55:12 EST annagaddadavida pranayama 'that's how the light gets in' http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5724766 okay. it makes no sense. i know. "don't you know that I'll always be true" <BR> <BR> i want to i will i am <BR> i need i wish i forecast <BR> today today today <BR> <BR> mmhmm <BR> <BR> yeah <BR> <BR> b r e a t h <BR> b r e a t h <BR> <BR> i ordered a pranayama breathing cd. for purpose of practicing REGULARLY <BR> PRACTICING <BR> dOing <BR> <BR> my joints are so freaking stiff in the a.m. <BR> and I judge it - first. then i fear. then i let go. then i stretch. <BR> some day... Tue, 24 Jun 2014 09:54:39 EST 2 places … but not at once http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5715823 Facing the separations. <BR> Paying attention. No judgement. <BR> My stuff. What remains of it… Part here, part in storage. <BR> And my dwelling -- ssssss <BR> California with Joe -- spare, cabin life, nature, . . . but need more than what's there <BR> Chicago safe house, condo, fall back… things arranged.. clothes… just a few talismans <BR> MOST of my 'stuff' is in storage <BR> <BR> Still… <BR> TODAY I am looking at separating <BR> 1) What to pack to California <BR> 2) What to leave h... Wed, 11 Jun 2014 13:40:44 EST Love Myself First http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5715580 Wake up <BR> smell the roses, smell the coffee <BR> "First rule of lifesaving…" <BR> she said <BR> <BR> Caretaking finito - be gone <BR> mama, s.o. not child <BR> <BR> forgive me if i write in code here <BR> <BR> THE POINT IS <BR> <BR> I am TODAY again declaring a Fresh Spark Start. Tracking and Basics <BR> I WANT IT <BR> I WANT TO FEEL GOOD <BR> and I'm not going to head trip why losing weight and maintaining weight is so CORE to that being possible. <BR> <BR> I've gained more than ... Wed, 11 Jun 2014 09:13:50 EST May 9 - Here today…. Tracks http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5691520 <BR> Where does the time go? <BR> Reading "The Map of Enough" -- about a woman and her fiancé who build a yurt in Montana -- for a year…. challenging her "nomad" identity forged from a childhood of moving often. <BR> <BR> I've been reading memoirs recently. Mostly women… in some kind of major Life Shift. <BR> <BR> I've been hunkered in forts while simultaneously always on the s h i f t … for all of my life. <BR> Plans and procrastinations. Exercises not done, or surely not done every... Fri, 9 May 2014 19:35:56 EST DAY ONE http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5683073 1 waffle (not two). Measure the syrup (1 Tblsp). TRACK on pc not iPhone. Connect. <BR> What works. Do what works. What has worked before… and yet be present for TODAY. <BR> "Onward and Downward" <BR> <BR> Yes. Weight is up. Even more. And the swearing on -- a few times in past months -- that lacked followthrough? Well… Let go of it. You HAVE TO. <BR> <BR> You have too. P…. I'm talking to myself. Yep. <BR> <BR> Do what worked before. <BR> DAY ONE <BR> <BR> TRACK <BR> Eat 3 meal... Tue, 29 Apr 2014 10:50:41 EST a little sad today (note to self - really) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5644531 the tears finally come <BR> after <BR> yeah… after the drive to the natl walking park where i sat and listened to npr intw with Edward Snowden and Russia expert on Putin's position looked at with equanimity <BR> yeah… after bleeding through a tampon at a coffeeshop (an enigma of perimenopause) <BR> yeah… after eating ALL the kashi bars in the car (note to self- don't buy those again) <BR> <BR> A friend of spirit is going to die this week … after a long and terrible debilitating illness <BR... Mon, 10 Mar 2014 13:53:54 EST Spring Clips http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5643876 Self Magazine clippings strewn about the table today. Time for a new collage. Picture and caption motivations. And this lovely list which I found useful but even better AMUSING ;-) <BR> <BR> 12 Ways to Think Slim -- <BR> "You don't need an overhaul of all your eateng habits to shed pounds. Adopting a few food mantras -- all backed by science can be as successful… and waaaayy easier: <BR> <BR> 1. Food is not a trophy (or reward) <BR> <BR> 2. Dessert is best on a full stomach. <... Sun, 9 Mar 2014 20:06:47 EST Listen Deeply - New Beginnings - Already in Progress (aka DOUBLE NICKELS) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5642160 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/8/6/l869066939.jpg"> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/8/3/l832923197.jpg"> thank you NonieC <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/0/l1058482226.jpg"> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/4/l1407063458.jpg"> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/9/l1992568710.jpg"> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/1/l1121389103.jpg"> <BR> <BR> <BR> Yes. <BR> Walk steady <BR> on old and new... Fri, 7 Mar 2014 12:14:37 EST day 2 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5594093 pilates mat class at new health club. though i'm not sure what is 'pilates' about it. no props. hard to hear teacher. i was the biggest gal there. perhaps the worst dressed. not sure about that. day 2 of 'good sparky eating and tracking' in my range. woohoo i have 'issues' with how i look, not knowing how i look, being 'cheap' and in the habit of 'not caring' what i put on my body as long as it fits -- not fitting into things i maybe would like … not knowing what i like… a chain rea... Tue, 14 Jan 2014 22:01:55 EST Check in 1/13/14 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5592217 Monday morning. CVAC at dawn/sunrise. Need new running shoes. Take care of feet. Take care of me. LOVE the idea of checking in weekly. I can do this. Need community. Spark Friends and local. One day at a time. <BR> <BR> "The only thing that makes sense is to focus your efforts on solutions. Have faith that you can improve the situation. Get clear about what you'd like to create and take action". <BR> <BR> Yes. I am here. Mon, 13 Jan 2014 10:52:56 EST I am here. I know how to sign in every day. Right? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5574129 Does it matter where I am? <BR> Be at the center of my own breath and find out. <BR> <BR> Do I want to stay in a couple? <BR> Do I want to "start over" again again? <BR> Be the actor at the center of my own life. <BR> No passenger-ing. <BR> Find out. <BR> <BR> Keep food and weight where they need to be. In balance. <BR> In balance. <BR> <BR> SIGN IN <BR> SIGN ON <BR> Love, Me <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/4/l1401268258.jpg"> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sp... Sat, 28 Dec 2013 21:45:54 EST Am I Taking Care of My Self ? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5549118 "What are you doing to take care of yourself" asked my friend Paula this morning. <BR> Bingo. That is the right question. <BR> <BR> The way of wood in water…. carried by the stream…. is NOT taking care of my self. <BR> Eating for comfort is not taking care of myself. <BR> Care taking / people pleasing in order to have "connection" is not taking care of myself. <BR> <BR> Healthy Boundaries IS the definition of Taking Care of My Self… and Others Too. <BR> <BR> Having them. Setting them. ... Sun, 24 Nov 2013 13:29:43 EST Help Me Please -- fear and remorse won't do anything good http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5521200 I maintained for a YEAR! Up and down 4lbs or so but stayed 155 for a year. (after losing 80-90) <BR> AND I"VE BEEN STRUGGLING WITH LIFE AND CIRCUMSTANCES AND <BR> F O O D these past months. Really since I left my old apartment - my known home, the place where all my good habits were formed. I was more able to transport my good habits while sharing house with others...though snacking and traveling brought back bad habits. <BR> <BR> Bad habits like? <BR> Don't eat standing up! <BR> ... Wed, 23 Oct 2013 10:24:06 EST I updated my page http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5519473 Today-ing is the New Ta-da (OCT/NOV 2013) <BR> <BR> It CAN be done. <BR> One Day at A Time <BR> <BR> For those looking for inspiration -- I lost 90 lbs. And have been keeping most of it off for a year!!! It took a long time. It took SPARK and Friends, and GOALS and Resolve, and Actions...One Day At A Time. It took DECLARING I WOULD DO IT. <BR> Put your mind to it. <BR> <BR> NOW it's time to KEEP DOING THAT -- Take off some more wt (including 8 LBS put back on recently.... ) <BR> <BR>... Mon, 21 Oct 2013 14:07:55 EST the wait http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5512290 The Weight-ing Games <BR> Not a game really. <BR> I took it for granted. And I've drifted. Up 10 lbs since I moved out of Winchester (apt of 20 years). 153 - 162 today. Up and down between. <BR> I weighed 162 in August of 2012 -- so says the remarkable and wonderful Spark Tracker Report. <BR> Good to know. Good to know. <BR> I was as low as 148 one day when I was not eating due to stress this summer. <BR> I've been eating for company and stress and Gravity for a month in Chicago.... Sun, 13 Oct 2013 12:13:00 EST i forgot how http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5503877 so... i'm alone in an apartment with a galley kitchen <BR> so... i'm eating alone.... and too often <BR> i got used to dinner for two.... to shopping together.... and talking through my day...instead of eating over it. I've had a string of overeating days.... <BR> <BR> Going to the kitchen as a way of transition-ing. <BR> an old way.... <BR> to be discarded again <BR> <BR> Being afraid of it...as though I have no influence is crazy though. <BR> I have influence... every day... and every ... Thu, 3 Oct 2013 21:52:20 EST whooooosh http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5486132 I'm in Chicago. September 15th. I left here at the end of June. I was truly out of my mind -- adrenal crash, hormone crash, nervous ...breakup.... etc etc <BR> Three months later... endocrinologist and supplements and celexa later... Still 153lbs (that's now the 'easy part' ???? really??? well... not easy... i had to buy a scale becuase I still fret over it... and when i go up three pounds I'm able to trim back for a few days -- STAY CONSCIOUS ..> THAT'S THE LESSON <BR> <BR> So... How... Sun, 15 Sep 2013 11:21:56 EST CC of Featured Blog Post "Lessons from Someone Who's Kept the Weight Off" http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5319437 Week of 04/11/2013 - Featured Blog Post TINAJANE76 <BR> <BR> Lessons from Someone Who's Kept the Weight Off <BR> <BR> Over the course of the past year, I've learned a lot about myself and the strategies that are important for me to use to stabilize my weight. I'm quite fortunate that I haven't experienced any major life challenges to seriously throw me off track in the past year, so I feel like I've established a strong foundation to deal with those when they do come down the road. <BR> ... Thu, 11 Apr 2013 09:35:10 EST April Fool - fooling myself (Way-Station --- Between-ness ---- Liminality...) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5311171 I tell myself.. .I'm through with love... and I'll have nothing more to do with love.... But they all know...it isn't so.... I'm just foolin' myself. <BR> <BR> These are lyrics from a great old 40's Billie Holiday tune. <BR> I used to sing. <BR> <BR> April. One more month til I am out of this apartment... and I haven't found a place yet. <BR> Thank goodness my mom has a small second home in Michigan and she is SO generous as to offer it to me to stay in as a way-station, and in-between. ... Thu, 4 Apr 2013 09:24:35 EST Scale Come-uppance ---- Spring Again http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5308486 Got up and GOT ON THE SCALE. oy. i knew it would be up. but one is never really ready for the bad news that comes with repeated eating-my-feelings. . . . which i've been doing for a coupla weeks off and on but mostly on. <BR> <BR> Up 6 lbs. Crap. And ah well... <BR> Ah well. Yep. It happens... to lots of people. And... armed again with my morning shakes and a sparky attitude (gotta get online every day maybe?).... i am going to take that 6 off. <BR> <BR> That's 'the new me'--... Tue, 2 Apr 2013 07:46:42 EST I don't know where I'm Going. I don't know where I am. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5285067 Chicago. March 2013. 155lbs. Down from 245 in 2010. Down from lifetime highest of 299 at age 17. Yoyo's and a lifetime of eating disorders, recovery, therapy, self investigation.... READING EVERYONE.... woodman and roth being the best of all..... AND ON THE WAY.... SO MUCH OF LIFE (the lives OTHER people, the THIN people must lead, or so I thought...) So much of life didn't happen -- I didn't occupy it -- I didn't inhabit. <BR> <BR> Inhabiting the space of the body. And the body ... Wed, 13 Mar 2013 10:21:15 EST Back to Basics. Onward & Forward. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5204623 Onward and Forward... was a chapter heading in a kindle book I was perusing... not about weight.. but about Mindfulness and ACT (which apparently is a new CBT). <BR> The point being that it resonated smack dab in the center of my Spark cheer here -- "Onward and Downward" !! which so successfully bolstered my GOALS, held my wishes, and steeled me warmed me at community fires. <BR> <BR> ONWARD is key. Steady, on! <BR> FORWARD...Now moment... taking actions...being in Life and not just on a... Sun, 13 Jan 2013 07:49:19 EST Where Am I and Where Am I Going http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5167818 Be Here Now? But where? <BR> It feels good to be in my Sparkpage. I love the connection to you my friends and this community. I am wanting to have you and this as my place to come to -- more than a forum, this place and you have held me to my own goals and kept me company, kept me honest, kept me funny, kept me true. <BR> <BR> I've been running away a lot - in my mind and scampering about with fears and illness and confusion over who I am and where I'm going. Some of it is midlife and m... Sun, 16 Dec 2012 04:59:37 EST Leaks or Suitcases? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5118821 Don't know what to do, where to go. I seem to be questioning EVERYTHING. And have no toehold on anything. I feel Rootless. Need community. Need work. Need structure. My relationship with Joe gives me comfort and a structure that I wonder about the overall health of. <BR> <BR> I went on line this morning to see what’s left on the market of real estate this season (nothing). I went and looked at the condo that I insanely walked away from, that is being purchased by someone else. I still... Wed, 31 Oct 2012 08:56:16 EST 159.6! Omg! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5045267 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/6/1/l611772100.jpg"> Wed, 5 Sep 2012 09:40:18 EST Barrie's Email -- BIGger LEAPS NEEDED with prosperity/abundance http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5038455 Paula, <BR> Yes of course. No one who listened to anyone with as much experience as Janice would be reckless with my portfolio. My life is always shifting and in flux.and that changes how I use my money. Im not really sure what you are asking but I do believe that the women who take Janice's classes and the women who are in Janices circle Rachel Rosenberg and Sylvia for example are people that would be beneficial to you for you to be among energy wise as well as example wise. <BR> <BR> I ... Fri, 31 Aug 2012 08:18:26 EST Swap Meet Soiree - First! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5031371 Swap Meet Soiree/Party at My Friend Barrie's House Friday Night. Women of all ages shapes and sizes. And, mostly, younger women (30's-40's) under size 12... but clothes, pants, dresses, shorts, jackets, purses, jewelry, shoes, and more... from size 2-24. LOVELY WOMEN. <BR> <BR> FIRSTS for ME -- <BR> I felt included. <BR> Yes, I had my familiar social anxiety and 'outsider' feelings -- these are emotional first and 'fat' second (though i may have come by the emotional by way of a fa... Sun, 26 Aug 2012 08:44:22 EST Where are we now... inventory (54 looking at 55) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5003266 "... are you in some hotel room, does it have a view?...." Joni Mitchell quotes are never far from my consciousness, no matter how long it's been since I've heard them or thought about them. Hmm. <BR> <BR> But that has nothing to do with the blog. <BR> Where am I now? Update. Note to self and you my comrades in Sparkville. <BR> <BR> Spark lights from the inside <BR> Changes are made gradually, gently and BOLDly, with determination... clarity <BR> <BR> Celebrating 165lbs and holding st... Mon, 6 Aug 2012 10:48:43 EST A moment this moment - taking stock (july 20, 2012) - Flare and Then http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4979231 Alone in my old run down little apartment. It's been a long time. Joe is away. I cried at the airport-- always do...cry at goodbyes...with everyone....What IS that? Now it's cooler outside and even with all the crap going on here I feel HAPPY to be here alone - with space - with only MY OWN energy wavelength and motions. <BR> <BR> Maybe I should not go to Ca and would do better to stay here and soak in my own energy. See what industrious directions or people I might call .... HOW the m... Fri, 20 Jul 2012 12:33:13 EST Pendulum - pleasures and positives - Keep On Keeping On http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4948779 Yeah... it's like that sometimes. ReAction to success... retrograde. Maybe. Or not. <BR> Clothes shopping finished for a while. Still no shoes. But a Size 12 green dress. <BR> I tend to react to positives by exhibiting some negative behavior. I've been that way all of my life. <BR> <BR> Saw doctor yesterday for tendonitis. Dr's Scale said 173 (midday, clothes on, after breakfast). <BR> This is the same number as it's been for months and months. Though, I've swung from 168-175 up and d... Sat, 30 Jun 2012 10:35:21 EST First ever Size 12 dress !! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4935222 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/6/0/l60875450.jpg"> <BR> <BR> My amazing friend Kristen was with me in the dressing room. I'm like a toddler looking into her face for validation, to see approval, to see if I should be can be happy about it. <BR> <BR> Very You, she said. Leaning toward Diane Lane in Under the Tuscan Sun. <BR> Don't have a bra that won't show. . . <BR> Bought it on sale and brought it home. <BR> Loved the feeling of celebration with Kristen! <BR> <BR> In th... Wed, 20 Jun 2012 19:26:07 EST Injuries - Will NOT Derail me emotionally. They could. But can't let them!! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4929842 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/6/3/l635226168.jpg"> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/9/2/l923890361.jpg"> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/3/l137698141.jpg"> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/3/8/l38219548.jpg"> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/9/5/l955125337.jpg"> <BR> <BR> AbraCadabra!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<BR>!!!!!!!!!!!!! <BR> Fix this!!!! <BR> Just a couple of weeks ago ... I was feeling GREAT! I was on a roll! ... Sun, 17 Jun 2012 09:27:09 EST Ups and downs and in betweens - June 2012 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4926007 Morning coffee. Slept in. Weighed in. It's Thursday. Wednesday is my weigh day. And I've skipped a couple. I weighed 173 at my infusion last Friday, shoes on after breakfast. My low weight this past 30 days was 167 a couple of weeks ago, before TOM.... and I relished resetting my stones and moving those few over, the ones that meant *below 170* for the first time *healthy* and not because of that winter uc medication mashup. . . which took me through March of this year. <BR> Ups and Downs.... Thu, 14 Jun 2012 09:36:53 EST Get back! No Ostriches (really a note to self) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4882090 Another Wednesday approaches and I'm not back yet. <BR> Last week sounded like a commitment. It felt like one. But ... What? <BR> <BR> Injuries - plaintiff knees, ankles, feet. Wah! <BR> Food - helter skelter.... not enough water... <BR> <BR> Get back. Get back to where you once belonged. <BR> <BR> Friends, this blog is for me. <BR> MUST MUST MUST GET IT TOGETHER GIRL! <BR> Water 8 glasses a day - 2 x 32oz bottles (basic basic basic) <BR> Bkfst under 350 Lunch under 350 Dinner 40... Tue, 15 May 2012 07:43:57 EST Goal 3 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4879169 Gotta get back to 160s. I'm up to 174. And... I'm saying it.... <BR> I want to lose more weight. I want to get to the 140's and see what that feels like. <BR> I knew it would happen this way. Onderland, goal 1. 175 goal 2. 145 goal 3. <BR> <BR> There are personal evolutions and changes that have to, do and will happen in order to make way for this. MACHETE in the jungle. Could happen. Could happen. <BR> <BR> Shine Your Light. <BR> Don't Dim Your Light. <BR> Work. Place. Love. <BR>... Sun, 13 May 2012 08:55:48 EST EVERY DAY -- Gauntlet Time And Do the Next Right Thing. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4868528 Gauntlet Time P. May Day. You were sick. And now with Rx's you're 'back-to-normal'. We've heard that story. So what gives? For a few months I've been waffling on every f'g subject, including my diet and exercise... and especially the way i spend my time. I felt lost without having weight loss be my "primary purpose"... and... uh... I gained some weight after mostly maintaining. Now I can ramp it up again and will. YET... Bookmark Here.... my "primary purpose" is still to be found. I'... Sun, 6 May 2012 07:36:08 EST Mirror mirror, candlewax and needing a new story http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4851334 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/2/6/l261828377.jpg"> <BR> <BR> italian restaurant wine bottles with months or years candle wax layered in drips of time -- that's what i see when i gaze at my inner thighs - - - <BR> In the mirror at the store fitting room, <BR> in the fluorescent lights, with shorts on, <BR> in the mirror so much bigger than any in my house <BR> In the mirror <BR> gazing from <BR> without <BR> <BR> Being In my Skin <BR> <BR> Candle wa... Wed, 25 Apr 2012 10:03:56 EST 14-16 ? Target Fit #s 1-6? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4849639 Tons of time yesterday in the Target Fitting Rooms. No clue. Had I. What size. What to try on. Summer is coming. And I don't want to spend $45 on shorts. THANKS to the fabulous finds at the Swap Meet organized by JENNKINCAID last month I have a few things to wear that feel extra special because they used to be hers. But I needed more... and so off I went. <BR> <BR> Fitting Rooms. Those tags for how many garments you have with you. HA! I was a machine. And so respectful in the way ... Tue, 24 Apr 2012 10:36:25 EST so here's the thing http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4839685 well ... maybe not THE thing, but... the current thing, something that occurs to me, and to mention... i guess: <BR> <BR> knowing when to push. WHEN to PUSH and When NOT to Push. This is a universal conundrum, an ongoing life lesson, a balance beam. <BR> <BR> My trainer talks about this dynamic in his own life and fitness practice, and he is an expert, an athlete. See...? You, I mean I, don't have this gray fuzzy thinking because I am remedial...it's cuz i'm human. AND... Yes... Being ... Tue, 17 Apr 2012 16:45:24 EST Scarecrow http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4807787 I'm having a hungry time these days. I don't know what to prioritize. I have resistance to much I set out to do. Resistance makes me "hungry". <BR> <BR> DIETING is such a simplification of the day. So much thought into shopping and preparing and eating/enjoying and not eating and breathing and drinking water. <BR> <BR> Can I walk and chew gum at the same time? <BR> Is that even the question? <BR> <BR> Yes. I want to lose 25-35 lbs. It would be nice. <BR> Yes. I want to EXPRESS mysel... Tue, 27 Mar 2012 18:08:21 EST First Noble Truth - Slow, Gentle, Steady, Process http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4805773 unwinding <BR> no. <BR> breathing. <BR> yes. <BR> ahhhhh. <BR> slow down. <BR> here i am. <BR> <BR> shall i tell the story? or stay with the moment? <BR> <BR> Shopping-itis... had me in familiar anxiety today. Had to come home. <BR> Able to buy food. Yes. Able to eat food. Yes. Able to make lists. Yes. <BR> Took a long while of unwinding and spinning and eating and list making.... <BR> to get to here <BR> <BR> Monday afternoon. <BR> <BR> Where am I going? What is important to ... Mon, 26 Mar 2012 14:56:54 EST grateful actions - pivot axis of perception http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4799380 contemplation is not the same as conceptualization <BR> deconstructing mind is a tool often abused... and mine is sharp <BR> "first thought, best thought" <BR> i will i am learning to sway into the motion of that <BR> less hesitation, less delay <BR> <BR> I was given clear clear evidence that Joe and I were standing in a GIFT of a house we could afford and move into right away. And I hesitated, conceptualized the pros and cons and got lost in my own mind. Was I looking for a way to reject i... Thu, 22 Mar 2012 09:04:26 EST dawn letting - in the pink breeze (Step up) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4794579 gratitude blog day 2 <BR> <BR> woke to a stiff body - tight from ... fallen arches... lack of exercise ... ... <BR> AND STRETCHED SOME <BR> reminded ing that <BR> <BR> ACTION CHANGES conditions <BR> <BR> choices are always there - remembering to remember is the practice - and today i know that practicing GRATITUDE is the muscle that needs limbering in me.... <BR> <BR> I woke to a pink light on the horizon, filling the gray light while the noisy pre-dawn bird on the nearest tree singsang... Mon, 19 Mar 2012 09:09:51 EST *daily gratitude here* http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4793410 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/3/5/l354485040.jpg">*strategy to change* <BR> kristen, my friend here in chicago, asked me how my resolve to keep a "gratitude journal" was going. Aha. Mmhmm. <BR> <BR> Practice Noticing BEAUTY and amplify that. <BR> I think i will do it on line instead of on paper. The accountability and postableness being more real-ized. <BR> <BR> I'm grateful for Kristen's friendship. <BR> I'm grateful for Joe's garden created every day with so much ... Sun, 18 Mar 2012 13:42:24 EST i was the kid - who felt big things but didn't vision or dream http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4793284 you know the one... <BR> the one who cried and cried at nursery school drop off <BR> the one who hated camp due to homesickness ... all up until the last week or two and then wanted it to last longer. <BR> <BR> f e a r f u l t i m i d f e r o c i o u s <BR> <BR> last n ight at a friends birthday dinner i met half dozen women a tad younger than I discussing all kinds of things... up to and especially their kids. I don't have any kids. I have nothing to add. I listen captivated by the Wo... Sun, 18 Mar 2012 11:59:45 EST