PJH2028's SparkPeople Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=PJH2028 PJH2028's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community SparkPeople.com http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ be kind to yourself http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5894320 being kind to myself <BR> is my priority. <BR> this means … <BR> making my own SPARK <em>469</em> a priority <BR> eating low calories (1100-1300 calories) <BR> drinking water….s <BR> closing the kitchen early…. <BR> ALLOWING THIS GOAL <BR> my goals <BR> TO MATTER <BR> to rise to the occasions <BR> to rise to the top <BR> to GIVE MYSELF A GIFT <em>88</em> <BR> <BR> <BR> E.D. History is a bitch, man. <BR> Seriously. <BR> And… <BR> Well…. it's not a death sentence. <BR> <BR> <em>4... Tue, 17 Mar 2015 00:32:19 EST hip hip - rehab means remember … and do http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5891149 hip hip <BR> hippy hippy <BR> shake <BR> side to side <BR> waddle and wallop <BR> my pants are tight <BR> i swear <BR> i swear in <BR> i swear off <BR> i swear <BR> up and down <BR> and up <BR> and <BR> f <BR> and <BR> s <BR> and <BR> me <BR> and <BR> my <BR> and <BR> HERE <BR> and <BR> NOW <BR> and <BR> <BR> 176-156 <BR> that's what its a gonna take <BR> to <BR> have my pant <em>9</em> <em>354</em> fit <BR> <BR> to have my pants fit comfy <BR> sacrifices may be made <BR> deals may... Wed, 11 Mar 2015 13:48:05 EST followup from last blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5889539 Hi again. <BR> so… I'm doing well… <BR> today <BR> <BR> At 4pm I realized (ha!) that I hadn't gotten to workout yet. Had postponed, had put off, had said to myself that i didn't want to 'force' it. <BR> So at 4pm I had a natural opening… and THAT's when I went to InShape and put in 30 minutes on the elliptical With TV - George Stephanopoulus to boot. <BR> <BR> I'm happy I got the movement in. <BR> <em>248</em> <BR> <BR> And I'm on point with food today. good calories. good quali... Sun, 8 Mar 2015 23:01:12 EST Tight Jeans - and a good day so far, let's keep it that way http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5888842 So… Hooray… Boooya…. It's 3:34pm and I've had a "good day" so far. <BR> Bkfst Lunch and Snacks On Track <BR> Calories low and Nutrition high <BR> 2 33oz bottles of water consumed <BR> Yay APPLES <BR> Not fighting with Joe -- and both of us working at it <BR> SUNNY DAY <BR> Worked out <BR> Put on jeans I forgot about <BR> and they are <BR> TIGHT <BR> TIGHT JEANS feel …. um….. harsh. <BR> Putting them on at the gym I felt the flush of regret and almost-shame (but nipped it in the bud). "... Sat, 7 Mar 2015 18:32:39 EST Poem- "Start Close In" http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5884903 START CLOSE IN - poem by david whyte <BR> <BR> Start close in, <BR> don’t take <BR> the second step <BR> or the third, <BR> start with the first <BR> thing <BR> close in, <BR> the step <BR> you don’t want to take. <BR> Start with <BR> the ground <BR> you know, <BR> the pale ground <BR> beneath your feet, <BR> your own <BR> way to begin <BR> the conversation. <BR> Start with your own <BR> question, <BR> give up on other <BR> people’s questions, <BR> don’t let them <BR> smother something <BR... Sun, 1 Mar 2015 14:58:20 EST new avatar - black bathing suit http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5884727 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/9/2/l920360761.jpg"> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/5/l1514182045.jpg"> <BR> <BR> <BR> 176 - 135 <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> BTW: This gal doesn't have 50 years of deflated skin from gaining and losing so much weight. This gal didn't weigh 299 at age 17. However…. How I THINK i look now (to myself) is not clear either. So…. Let's roll with this. <BR> <BR> AIMING for the 50's!!!! <BR> (We'll look at the last 15 lbs in s... Sun, 1 Mar 2015 10:19:33 EST WEIGHT REPORT -- Up&Down … Deconstructed and NEW GOALS http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5884723 UP AND DOWN <BR> <BR> <BR> So here's the REPORT <BR> <BR> I weighed 172 a whole bunch of times in the last year. <BR> <BR> 6/16/14 <BR> 7/09/14 <BR> 8/22/14 <BR> 1/19/15 <BR> 2/03/15 <BR> 2/17/15 <BR> <BR> and I weighed higher <BR> with 176 being my concrete ceiling (6/25/14) <BR> with a yo low of 168.2 (aug and also 11/18/14) <BR> <BR> <BR> and I weighed lower (this chapter) <BR> 170.6 7/26/14 <BR> 168.2 8/7/14 <BR> 172 .2 8/22/14 <BR> 171.2 10/7/14 <BR> 171.6 12/12/14 <BR>... Sun, 1 Mar 2015 10:12:53 EST March Goals http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5884206 it's okay to want to lose weight - move stones. <BR> What's reasonable? As a goal this month? I want to lose 5 lbs. <BR> Yes. How fabulous would that feel? Very. <BR> <BR> I will weigh myself tomorrow morning… in my bday suit. <BR> (I will not react in beatmyselfup mode if i am up after a week of eating out with out of town guests) <BR> <BR> I will go to the gym 4x this week (or more). <BR> I will work out 40min - 60min each visit. <BR> I will drink a lot of water daily. <BR> I will ... Sat, 28 Feb 2015 11:06:35 EST montage of intention http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5879863 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/2/0/l2059006595.jpg"> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/4/3/l437681871.jpg"> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/0/l1054313010.jpg"> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/7/9/l793452863.jpg"> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/3/l1305877671.jpg"> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/1/l1125434287.jpg"> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/5/8/l580589385.jpg"> <img src="http://photos... Sat, 21 Feb 2015 11:00:13 EST From Jen Louden, via Brene Brown http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5878275 “Where is the line between pleasure or comfort and numbing?” <BR> <BR> This is where I found Jen’s work on shadow comforts. It accurately reflects the data and she’s named it in a way offers clarity and connection. I love it when that happens! In The Life Organizer, Jen writes: <BR> <BR> “Shadow comforts can take any form. It’s not what you do; it’s why you do it that makes the difference. You can eat a piece of chocolate as a holy wafer of sweetness—a real comfort—or you can cram an entir... Wed, 18 Feb 2015 17:12:30 EST I''m here, I'm clear….. love myself as I love…u http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5876727 so…. what gives? <BR> mirror mirror on the wall…. whose the…. fairest/fattest of them all? <BR> I never know what I'm seeing in the mirror <BR> a visage <BR> a reflection <BR> a ghost <BR> a harbinger <BR> a memory <BR> a feeling <BR> a version of me <BR> <BR> one day i look good (to me) <BR> the next day … not so much <BR> <BR> sometimes it is how much i slept <BR> or what Im wearing <BR> A LOT of the time… it's how I feel inside <BR> bouncing <BR> off the light <BR> and through the glas... Mon, 16 Feb 2015 11:48:07 EST TitsTatsPitterPats - - ou est les operating instructions…. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5871850 What? No idea what that means. <BR> IT'S RAINING! NICE. Gray suits me. And helps to encourage a cocooning … My job to keep it positive. <BR> <BR> I'm not keeping my Self happy and buoyant on a full day basis. <BR> I am not enough engaged. <BR> I don't have enough contact(s) here in California. <BR> ISOLATION for me…. invites my 'addictions' (hate that word use… but it will suffice). <BR> <BR> Food… works as a substitute for friendship and activity. <BR> It works but NOT REALLY. <BR> "... Sun, 8 Feb 2015 13:21:49 EST Stormy Weather - really just a rant - no comments, please (i should get a journa http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5870682 "… don't know why…." <BR> <BR> Joe's sister and her family are snuggling in …. got a bunch more firewood yesterday… getting ready for "the storms". Winter rain and wind a'comin'. When I still lived in Chicago… I heard about the winter storms on the CA south coast… the greenhouse blowing off the hill… the sound of a train… the whistles off the hills. It's not like Kansas. It has it's own particulars here. Yep. Now it's Here instead of There for me. Except that… well… Whether its ME (m... Fri, 6 Feb 2015 12:52:05 EST February Goals… because I MATTER http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5867140 Okay… T…. Thanks for reminding me! Setting goals is one of the most expeditious steps to achieving them. So.. here goes: <BR> <BR> FEBRUARY -- <BR> <BR> ** I would LOVE to be in the 160's by end of Feb. That means a 2-5lb weight loss (depending on what I weigh today…) <em>225</em> <em>347</em> <em>91</em> <em>7</em> <em>68</em> <em>362</em> <BR> <BR> ** <em>194</em> WATER -- moving water… is the essence of life…. <BR> These past months I've been moving wate... Sun, 1 Feb 2015 12:34:55 EST A great week… all in all… don't let a slip take you down! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5862216 So… I had kindof a great week. I mean, I was on my 'game' insofar as hitting the gym 4 or 5 out of seven days… and moving the output up…. moving the endorphins and enjoyment up…. remembering that I enjoy the way I feel when i do. <em>244</em> <BR> that's a feel good, for sure. <BR> <BR> I made good choices most of the time. We ate beautiful fruits and fresh proteins. I stayed away from alcohol (except for entertaining Joe's sister here the other night… more on that later). Wine... Sun, 25 Jan 2015 12:44:49 EST I'm Not in my Groove http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5856406 I'm not in my groove. And I want to be. I miss it. I miss me. <BR> Snacks and extra flavors were filing in for me processing my feelings. <BR> It wasn't just that I had injuries and couldn't work out… or that I "lost it" during my big move to CA. <BR> <BR> I forgive myself for gaining back some of the weight lost in Chicago…. on Winchester Street, when my GROOVE was ON and working… when my FOCUS and routine so seemingly smoothly kept me off the scale, out of crazy, and losing weight st... Sat, 17 Jan 2015 12:04:33 EST copycat - New Year LIFE HAPPENS http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5842809 "Setting a goal simply because a new year is about to ring in invites setting a starting line and a finish line. I am not setting goals for a new year. I am (and have been) setting goals for a new life. A healthier, happier, more fulfilling life. It's not about losing weight, making more money, or getting more done in a day (although these can be happy side benefits). It's about recognizing what I value, what a quality life means to me, and how to align my daily activities to achieve these. "... Thu, 1 Jan 2015 12:22:31 EST weekly goals LIST -- post facto http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5833105 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/7/l1730954131.jpg"> <BR> <BR> Monday 12/15- Workout with PT 11am Yes*done*! <BR> Tuesday 16 - Yoga NOT DONE - shopped instead <BR> Wed 17 - ? walk outside if not raining? NOT DONE <BR> Thurs 18 PT with Antonio Yes_*done* <BR> Fri 19 Treadmill or outside NOT DONE - xmas factory <BR> Sat 20 Yoga in the AM? Hmmmm? <BR> Sun 21 tbd Hmmm <BR> <BR> Thanks Dalida for the list <BR> <BR> UMMMMMMM….. <BR> Post facto:... Sun, 14 Dec 2014 23:15:17 EST Here I am NOW (with photos) -- The Journey Is The Thing http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5828586 Hey hey! It's December 2014. Whhhhoooooooooossssshhhhhhhhh! <BR> Four years since I first logged on to Spark. And I want to CELEBRATE the COMMUNITY OF FRIENDS HERE… and I want to Celebrate My Conscious Self-Loving version of self-care around Food and Movement and… Yep… Remember to remember: <BR> <BR> To keep any kind of weight loss and movement program…. <BR> I am having and have had to stay on a path… enjoy the journey…. the journey is the thing. <BR> Let's say that again: THE... Sat, 6 Dec 2014 11:45:27 EST am and pm - discuss http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5818883 so… morning check-ins are so grounding <BR> giving a kiss and a hug to myself <BR> as i start the day <BR> with intentions <BR> with presence <BR> Inhale <BR> Exhale <BR> Drink water <BR> take vitamins <BR> Log first bites…. <BR> <BR> Lunch the past few days is telegraphed in by phone <BR> ANd that too has been smooth <BR> <BR> It's by mid-late afternoon the past couple of days (and in general as i look back) <BR> by 2/3pm a "snack" not well-enough PLANNED <BR> <BR> **yes, p… here's th... Tue, 18 Nov 2014 10:57:10 EST The 10 Commandments of True Happiness - Deepak Chopra http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5818293 1. Listen to Your Body’s Wisdom <BR> <BR> Our body expresses itself through signals of comfort and discomfort. When choosing a certain behavior, ask your body, “How do you feel about this?” If your body sends a signal of physical or emotional distress, watch out. If your body sends a signal of comfort and eagerness, proceed. <BR> <BR> 2. Live in the Present <BR> <BR> The present is the only moment you have. Keep your attention on what is here and now; look for the fullness in every moment.... Mon, 17 Nov 2014 11:30:42 EST Frequent Flyers and other clubs on the head http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5792218 Wow. Last blog was in July??? That's a 'tell'… for sure. <BR> Here I am, now. Sitting in a little seaside village in CA… in a rented house… with craigslist sofa a couple of chairs, …. Great fortune in these parts. Boxes. Kitchen not working yet. Eating out too much. <BR> <BR> I'm not good at transitions. <BR> Because-- my mind can't stop problem solving… and my focus on wholistic living is frazzled. What goes first is the food. And when the food is working IT takes a whole lo... Sat, 4 Oct 2014 11:25:13 EST Pants - Fit … Alice http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5731165 For as long as I can remember… that scene in Alice in Wonderland.. You know the one… the bigger smaller bigger smaller scene…. hooked me and is in my image repertoire, haunts me. <BR> <BR> I put on the MK orange jeans I bought almost 2 years ago… today <BR> yeah, the ones that had gotten Too Big…. but not SO too big I couldn't wear them <BR> yeah, the ones I considered throwing out <BR> because of the idea of 'not keeping bigger sizes… not leaving the door open'. <BR> <BR> Well… Today the... Thu, 3 Jul 2014 09:07:09 EST Don't Panic http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5730103 ahh.ha. <BR> This is not about the history. <BR> This is about NOW. <BR> And This is about ME. Moi. <BR> <BR> I've been in a panic. Accellerating. <BR> Life circumstances. Undercurrents becoming main narratives. <BR> I maintained a wt loss of 80 lbs for over a year. <BR> Then shi* happened. And I did pretty good considering. Up and down. But only 5 lb swings. <BR> Then … as challenges got more and more new and habits fell away <BR> I panicked SOFTLY <BR> softly at first. <BR> COPING ... Tue, 1 Jul 2014 20:55:12 EST annagaddadavida pranayama 'that's how the light gets in' http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5724766 okay. it makes no sense. i know. "don't you know that I'll always be true" <BR> <BR> i want to i will i am <BR> i need i wish i forecast <BR> today today today <BR> <BR> mmhmm <BR> <BR> yeah <BR> <BR> b r e a t h <BR> b r e a t h <BR> <BR> i ordered a pranayama breathing cd. for purpose of practicing REGULARLY <BR> PRACTICING <BR> dOing <BR> <BR> my joints are so freaking stiff in the a.m. <BR> and I judge it - first. then i fear. then i let go. then i stretch. <BR> some day... Tue, 24 Jun 2014 09:54:39 EST 2 places … but not at once http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5715823 Facing the separations. <BR> Paying attention. No judgement. <BR> My stuff. What remains of it… Part here, part in storage. <BR> And my dwelling -- ssssss <BR> California with Joe -- spare, cabin life, nature, . . . but need more than what's there <BR> Chicago safe house, condo, fall back… things arranged.. clothes… just a few talismans <BR> MOST of my 'stuff' is in storage <BR> <BR> Still… <BR> TODAY I am looking at separating <BR> 1) What to pack to California <BR> 2) What to leave h... Wed, 11 Jun 2014 13:40:44 EST Love Myself First http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5715580 Wake up <BR> smell the roses, smell the coffee <BR> "First rule of lifesaving…" <BR> she said <BR> <BR> Caretaking finito - be gone <BR> mama, s.o. not child <BR> <BR> forgive me if i write in code here <BR> <BR> THE POINT IS <BR> <BR> I am TODAY again declaring a Fresh Spark Start. Tracking and Basics <BR> I WANT IT <BR> I WANT TO FEEL GOOD <BR> and I'm not going to head trip why losing weight and maintaining weight is so CORE to that being possible. <BR> <BR> I've gained more than ... Wed, 11 Jun 2014 09:13:50 EST May 9 - Here today…. Tracks http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5691520 <BR> Where does the time go? <BR> Reading "The Map of Enough" -- about a woman and her fiancé who build a yurt in Montana -- for a year…. challenging her "nomad" identity forged from a childhood of moving often. <BR> <BR> I've been reading memoirs recently. Mostly women… in some kind of major Life Shift. <BR> <BR> I've been hunkered in forts while simultaneously always on the s h i f t … for all of my life. <BR> Plans and procrastinations. Exercises not done, or surely not done every... Fri, 9 May 2014 19:35:56 EST DAY ONE http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5683073 1 waffle (not two). Measure the syrup (1 Tblsp). TRACK on pc not iPhone. Connect. <BR> What works. Do what works. What has worked before… and yet be present for TODAY. <BR> "Onward and Downward" <BR> <BR> Yes. Weight is up. Even more. And the swearing on -- a few times in past months -- that lacked followthrough? Well… Let go of it. You HAVE TO. <BR> <BR> You have too. P…. I'm talking to myself. Yep. <BR> <BR> Do what worked before. <BR> DAY ONE <BR> <BR> TRACK <BR> Eat 3 meal... Tue, 29 Apr 2014 10:50:41 EST a little sad today (note to self - really) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5644531 the tears finally come <BR> after <BR> yeah… after the drive to the natl walking park where i sat and listened to npr intw with Edward Snowden and Russia expert on Putin's position looked at with equanimity <BR> yeah… after bleeding through a tampon at a coffeeshop (an enigma of perimenopause) <BR> yeah… after eating ALL the kashi bars in the car (note to self- don't buy those again) <BR> <BR> A friend of spirit is going to die this week … after a long and terrible debilitating illness <BR... Mon, 10 Mar 2014 13:53:54 EST Spring Clips http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5643876 Self Magazine clippings strewn about the table today. Time for a new collage. Picture and caption motivations. And this lovely list which I found useful but even better AMUSING ;-) <BR> <BR> 12 Ways to Think Slim -- <BR> "You don't need an overhaul of all your eateng habits to shed pounds. Adopting a few food mantras -- all backed by science can be as successful… and waaaayy easier: <BR> <BR> 1. Food is not a trophy (or reward) <BR> <BR> 2. Dessert is best on a full stomach. <... Sun, 9 Mar 2014 20:06:47 EST Listen Deeply - New Beginnings - Already in Progress (aka DOUBLE NICKELS) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5642160 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/8/6/l869066939.jpg"> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/8/3/l832923197.jpg"> thank you NonieC <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/0/l1058482226.jpg"> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/4/l1407063458.jpg"> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/9/l1992568710.jpg"> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/1/l1121389103.jpg"> <BR> <BR> <BR> Yes. <BR> Walk steady <BR> on old and new... Fri, 7 Mar 2014 12:14:37 EST day 2 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5594093 pilates mat class at new health club. though i'm not sure what is 'pilates' about it. no props. hard to hear teacher. i was the biggest gal there. perhaps the worst dressed. not sure about that. day 2 of 'good sparky eating and tracking' in my range. woohoo i have 'issues' with how i look, not knowing how i look, being 'cheap' and in the habit of 'not caring' what i put on my body as long as it fits -- not fitting into things i maybe would like … not knowing what i like… a chain rea... Tue, 14 Jan 2014 22:01:55 EST Check in 1/13/14 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5592217 Monday morning. CVAC at dawn/sunrise. Need new running shoes. Take care of feet. Take care of me. LOVE the idea of checking in weekly. I can do this. Need community. Spark Friends and local. One day at a time. <BR> <BR> "The only thing that makes sense is to focus your efforts on solutions. Have faith that you can improve the situation. Get clear about what you'd like to create and take action". <BR> <BR> Yes. I am here. Mon, 13 Jan 2014 10:52:56 EST I am here. I know how to sign in every day. Right? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5574129 Does it matter where I am? <BR> Be at the center of my own breath and find out. <BR> <BR> Do I want to stay in a couple? <BR> Do I want to "start over" again again? <BR> Be the actor at the center of my own life. <BR> No passenger-ing. <BR> Find out. <BR> <BR> Keep food and weight where they need to be. In balance. <BR> In balance. <BR> <BR> SIGN IN <BR> SIGN ON <BR> Love, Me <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/4/l1401268258.jpg"> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sp... Sat, 28 Dec 2013 21:45:54 EST Am I Taking Care of My Self ? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5549118 "What are you doing to take care of yourself" asked my friend Paula this morning. <BR> Bingo. That is the right question. <BR> <BR> The way of wood in water…. carried by the stream…. is NOT taking care of my self. <BR> Eating for comfort is not taking care of myself. <BR> Care taking / people pleasing in order to have "connection" is not taking care of myself. <BR> <BR> Healthy Boundaries IS the definition of Taking Care of My Self… and Others Too. <BR> <BR> Having them. Setting them. ... Sun, 24 Nov 2013 13:29:43 EST Help Me Please -- fear and remorse won't do anything good http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5521200 I maintained for a YEAR! Up and down 4lbs or so but stayed 155 for a year. (after losing 80-90) <BR> AND I"VE BEEN STRUGGLING WITH LIFE AND CIRCUMSTANCES AND <BR> F O O D these past months. Really since I left my old apartment - my known home, the place where all my good habits were formed. I was more able to transport my good habits while sharing house with others...though snacking and traveling brought back bad habits. <BR> <BR> Bad habits like? <BR> Don't eat standing up! <BR> ... Wed, 23 Oct 2013 10:24:06 EST I updated my page http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5519473 Today-ing is the New Ta-da (OCT/NOV 2013) <BR> <BR> It CAN be done. <BR> One Day at A Time <BR> <BR> For those looking for inspiration -- I lost 90 lbs. And have been keeping most of it off for a year!!! It took a long time. It took SPARK and Friends, and GOALS and Resolve, and Actions...One Day At A Time. It took DECLARING I WOULD DO IT. <BR> Put your mind to it. <BR> <BR> NOW it's time to KEEP DOING THAT -- Take off some more wt (including 8 LBS put back on recently.... ) <BR> <BR>... Mon, 21 Oct 2013 14:07:55 EST the wait http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5512290 The Weight-ing Games <BR> Not a game really. <BR> I took it for granted. And I've drifted. Up 10 lbs since I moved out of Winchester (apt of 20 years). 153 - 162 today. Up and down between. <BR> I weighed 162 in August of 2012 -- so says the remarkable and wonderful Spark Tracker Report. <BR> Good to know. Good to know. <BR> I was as low as 148 one day when I was not eating due to stress this summer. <BR> I've been eating for company and stress and Gravity for a month in Chicago.... Sun, 13 Oct 2013 12:13:00 EST i forgot how http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5503877 so... i'm alone in an apartment with a galley kitchen <BR> so... i'm eating alone.... and too often <BR> i got used to dinner for two.... to shopping together.... and talking through my day...instead of eating over it. I've had a string of overeating days.... <BR> <BR> Going to the kitchen as a way of transition-ing. <BR> an old way.... <BR> to be discarded again <BR> <BR> Being afraid of it...as though I have no influence is crazy though. <BR> I have influence... every day... and every ... Thu, 3 Oct 2013 21:52:20 EST whooooosh http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5486132 I'm in Chicago. September 15th. I left here at the end of June. I was truly out of my mind -- adrenal crash, hormone crash, nervous ...breakup.... etc etc <BR> Three months later... endocrinologist and supplements and celexa later... Still 153lbs (that's now the 'easy part' ???? really??? well... not easy... i had to buy a scale becuase I still fret over it... and when i go up three pounds I'm able to trim back for a few days -- STAY CONSCIOUS ..> THAT'S THE LESSON <BR> <BR> So... How... Sun, 15 Sep 2013 11:21:56 EST CC of Featured Blog Post "Lessons from Someone Who's Kept the Weight Off" http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5319437 Week of 04/11/2013 - Featured Blog Post TINAJANE76 <BR> <BR> Lessons from Someone Who's Kept the Weight Off <BR> <BR> Over the course of the past year, I've learned a lot about myself and the strategies that are important for me to use to stabilize my weight. I'm quite fortunate that I haven't experienced any major life challenges to seriously throw me off track in the past year, so I feel like I've established a strong foundation to deal with those when they do come down the road. <BR> ... Thu, 11 Apr 2013 09:35:10 EST April Fool - fooling myself (Way-Station --- Between-ness ---- Liminality...) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5311171 I tell myself.. .I'm through with love... and I'll have nothing more to do with love.... But they all know...it isn't so.... I'm just foolin' myself. <BR> <BR> These are lyrics from a great old 40's Billie Holiday tune. <BR> I used to sing. <BR> <BR> April. One more month til I am out of this apartment... and I haven't found a place yet. <BR> Thank goodness my mom has a small second home in Michigan and she is SO generous as to offer it to me to stay in as a way-station, and in-between. ... Thu, 4 Apr 2013 09:24:35 EST Scale Come-uppance ---- Spring Again http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5308486 Got up and GOT ON THE SCALE. oy. i knew it would be up. but one is never really ready for the bad news that comes with repeated eating-my-feelings. . . . which i've been doing for a coupla weeks off and on but mostly on. <BR> <BR> Up 6 lbs. Crap. And ah well... <BR> Ah well. Yep. It happens... to lots of people. And... armed again with my morning shakes and a sparky attitude (gotta get online every day maybe?).... i am going to take that 6 off. <BR> <BR> That's 'the new me'--... Tue, 2 Apr 2013 07:46:42 EST I don't know where I'm Going. I don't know where I am. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5285067 Chicago. March 2013. 155lbs. Down from 245 in 2010. Down from lifetime highest of 299 at age 17. Yoyo's and a lifetime of eating disorders, recovery, therapy, self investigation.... READING EVERYONE.... woodman and roth being the best of all..... AND ON THE WAY.... SO MUCH OF LIFE (the lives OTHER people, the THIN people must lead, or so I thought...) So much of life didn't happen -- I didn't occupy it -- I didn't inhabit. <BR> <BR> Inhabiting the space of the body. And the body ... Wed, 13 Mar 2013 10:21:15 EST Back to Basics. Onward & Forward. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5204623 Onward and Forward... was a chapter heading in a kindle book I was perusing... not about weight.. but about Mindfulness and ACT (which apparently is a new CBT). <BR> The point being that it resonated smack dab in the center of my Spark cheer here -- "Onward and Downward" !! which so successfully bolstered my GOALS, held my wishes, and steeled me warmed me at community fires. <BR> <BR> ONWARD is key. Steady, on! <BR> FORWARD...Now moment... taking actions...being in Life and not just on a... Sun, 13 Jan 2013 07:49:19 EST Where Am I and Where Am I Going http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5167818 Be Here Now? But where? <BR> It feels good to be in my Sparkpage. I love the connection to you my friends and this community. I am wanting to have you and this as my place to come to -- more than a forum, this place and you have held me to my own goals and kept me company, kept me honest, kept me funny, kept me true. <BR> <BR> I've been running away a lot - in my mind and scampering about with fears and illness and confusion over who I am and where I'm going. Some of it is midlife and m... Sun, 16 Dec 2012 04:59:37 EST Leaks or Suitcases? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5118821 Don't know what to do, where to go. I seem to be questioning EVERYTHING. And have no toehold on anything. I feel Rootless. Need community. Need work. Need structure. My relationship with Joe gives me comfort and a structure that I wonder about the overall health of. <BR> <BR> I went on line this morning to see what’s left on the market of real estate this season (nothing). I went and looked at the condo that I insanely walked away from, that is being purchased by someone else. I still... Wed, 31 Oct 2012 08:56:16 EST 159.6! Omg! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5045267 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/6/1/l611772100.jpg"> Wed, 5 Sep 2012 09:40:18 EST Barrie's Email -- BIGger LEAPS NEEDED with prosperity/abundance http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5038455 Paula, <BR> Yes of course. No one who listened to anyone with as much experience as Janice would be reckless with my portfolio. My life is always shifting and in flux.and that changes how I use my money. Im not really sure what you are asking but I do believe that the women who take Janice's classes and the women who are in Janices circle Rachel Rosenberg and Sylvia for example are people that would be beneficial to you for you to be among energy wise as well as example wise. <BR> <BR> I ... Fri, 31 Aug 2012 08:18:26 EST