PJH2028's SparkPeople Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=PJH2028 PJH2028's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community SparkPeople.com http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ Holy jiminy-cricket cowgirl! MOVE ON. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6468832 Hold the gosh darn planet, lady. Hold your tongue. Hold your head. Hold your judgement. Hold your disappointment. Hold fast to your dreams. "And things were going so well...there for a week or two....". "Yeah, they were. Then what happened?". "Dunno, really". "I fell"... <BR> <BR> fell <BR> diet mind? or free food mind? triggered by unconsciousness or circumstance? <BR> <BR> WW group in person ... 5 lbs immediate results.... cocktails.... slip slide away <BR> Remorse.... eating over i... Sun, 4 Mar 2018 11:06:48 EST Still here ;) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6465658 Yep! I’m proud of what we’ve done together sparkly friends. And I’m here Still and maybe for ..... a long time more. Encouraging others and seeing all of our stories helps me stay in integrity and self acceptance with all my ups and downs of life (weight but not just weight) That my BODY - size shape acceptance activity inactivity breath love pleasure withholding abundance —narrative has been so dominant in my life (that’s 60 years y’all! )&@“@&$)(). Well I realize it behooves me to call ... Thu, 22 Feb 2018 11:11:40 EST Tracking - wearing practices http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6455400 I just looked at the bottom of my Nutition Tracking page and realized that I haven't been completing my tracking every day. Hmmm. I do very well... until later afternoon.... If I made it to dinner "clean" I have had some grazing behavior tween dinner and bedtime. "Better choices" in the cabinets - you bet. But ... over calories in means over calories out. And I'm still de-icing the plane at the gate for the calories out. Injuries. Yes, really. Just as I get going...I hurt too much and... Wed, 24 Jan 2018 12:06:56 EST Remember to Remember - http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6449477 Yes! A "streak"! I'm feeling the spark-y spark... getting a little momentum. <BR> REMEMBERING -- What worked originallY? <BR> <BR> Just report/track without judgment. <BR> Simply record. <BR> Use the information as a compass to help you find your way <BR> No "good" "bad" <BR> <BR> So.... Day... what? I'm still here. <BR> Woo hoo. <BR> You too! <BR> Tue, 9 Jan 2018 14:01:35 EST Day one - by the hair of my chinny chin chin http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6447836 Wow, guys and gals. It's only 6:2o pm ... and Day One has been ... um... educational. <BR> It's been a long time since TRACKING was a bellwether, a comrade, a safety net. How I apparently need that! Wow. It really does help... to real in compulsion and "I WANT what I want... not later...now". Ha. <BR> <BR> No time like TODAY. I almost said "wtf" ... to open the gates on some evening noshing... <BR> <BR> and then I realized ... if not now...when? <BR> <BR> It does not serve me to ... Fri, 5 Jan 2018 21:32:42 EST Part 2 - Be where you are... AND MOVE .... ON! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6386983 Be a light. For your self. For your selves. <BR> Be a light. Shine bright. <BR> "This little light of mine.... I'm gonna... Let it shine" <BR> <BR> This song from so long ago... somehow DID indeed penetrate all of who I am and I have lived by it. . . . except for the dark body shadow weight of the Alice-in-Wonderland cake elixer cake elixer . . . <BR> <BR> I've worn the same clothing and sizes for 5 years! <BR> Read that again. <BR> That's astonishing after the 54 years prior. <BR> ... Thu, 13 Jul 2017 14:49:38 EST Be where you are.... and move forward. (Don't look back, you're not going that way) - part 1 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6386977 That yoga person is on Here & Now this morning on NPR. <BR> <BR> And on FB today, this reminder of YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL - NOW NOW NOW <BR> <BR> https://www.facebook.com/goalcast/videos<BR>/1479335718810280/?hc_ref=OTHER&pnref=<BR>story Thu, 13 Jul 2017 14:29:04 EST 167.5 ---- breaking the barrier. (This is a pep talk) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6342680 Wow. It's just crazy, odd, spooky--- like waking up or looking up and it always being 11 after the hour. Or always waking up at 3:59am (which has been happening to me for a while now too). <BR> Sometimes I have to weigh objects on my scale just to be sure that the dang thing isn't stuck to that number. I have blipped up. A couple of times I have blipped down. And.... (this being throughout many many months of On again Off again "dieting") <BR> <BR> THIS IS NOT A DIET. THIS IS A Lif... Sun, 2 Apr 2017 12:13:26 EST Correcting -- Up the Down Staircase - ONWARD & DOWNWARD http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6332850 Apologies to anyone reading over my shoulder today who's expecting anything more. This is more of a Goal Setting than a blog. Scale is up! (oh no! fear. loathing. shame. aha. acceptance. determination).... <BR> <BR> <BR> Sink or SWIM? S W I M. GIRL! SWIM ! <BR> Yes it's a metaphor, too. But I mean get in the pool for real. If Nicole can do it, so can you. <BR> There ARE things to do -- NEW THINGS, DIFFERENT THINGS - <BR> Yes - make it a crusade - a no matter what kind of thing <... Tue, 14 Mar 2017 11:21:09 EST Setting a fire http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6327732 I read Annieonli's blog today, titled "Tending the Fire" <BR> http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public<BR>_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=632732<BR>5&SPShared=TRUE <BR> <BR> So awesome. THANK YOU! <BR> <BR> The metaphors are so rich and right on. <BR> <BR> I gained weight while away on a trip. In fact, I ate my way through that trip. Sad to say. Sad to live it, too. No oxygen? Would that be the fire metaphor? <BR> <BR> Three years away from sweet "home" Chicago. And it isn't Hom... Sat, 4 Mar 2017 12:36:27 EST Push Shove. -- Has it come finally to the push shove that will get me There There http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6313955 Sometimes it comes down to ANOTHER Push Shove? <BR> I've been round and round with this and my self for three years. <BR> <BR> 2009-2010 Spark Successes and BIG WT LOSS <BR> 2010-2012 Sick with UC... more wt loss and untethered in many ways <BR> 2013- housing crisis, wt gains of 20# move <BR> 2013-2016 Maintain the gain and finally lose half of it. Hoevering <BR> up and down and up and down <BR> <BR> Missing the "time bound" part of Goal Achievement. <BR> Missing daily connection and ... Fri, 10 Feb 2017 12:23:57 EST Musical Pages - Musical Chairs http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6235833 Yep yep - hooray. We're here!! <BR> I heard a riff on an NPR comedy show (maybe Wait Wait?) about "musical chairs" being a frightening form of child abuse -- e.g. early training in S C A R C I T Y. And I laughed so loud, out loud. At how true that is. A childs game. Rush for what's left? What a nightmare when one looks at it like that. eh? <BR> <BR> So what do I mean by this headline today? <BR> I've been playing Musical Pages ONLINE with my identikit and weight loss "goals" and ... Wed, 14 Sep 2016 14:04:24 EST "Sweat your Prayers" - Connections - Tribe - new beloved different drummers http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6220364 <img src="http://photosaws.sparkpeople.com/guid/a10ad533-0773-4c01-a0ee-8aa15fb5cd18.jpg"> <img src="http://photosaws.sparkpeople.com/guid/96ad47cf-e833-4f9e-afb2-3c10d80fa3cd.jpg"> <img src="http://photosaws.sparkpeople.com/guid/3f429e3e-25e9-46f4-a51a-381037d5ebe7.jpg"> <img src="http://photosaws.sparkpeople.com/guid/f4c6e142-fa62-4780-bab8-51436eeb7801.jpg"> <BR> <BR> 5 days dancing 5 hours a day! Guided through and with open hearted connections. Now THIS is "exercise" that synergies w... Thu, 18 Aug 2016 13:41:47 EST August - auspicious or not - the month between July & September http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6219087 58 bday - done <BR> Esalen week of dancing - DONE ! LOVED IT SO MUCH! <BR> Re-entry to "home life" in CV ... - yeah... I' mean, yes.... ongoing flux and shift and acceptance <BR> I am pushing for a two year plan, a five year plan . . . for myself... for "the couple" <BR> The difference in our ways and means feels like quicksand a lot of the time <BR> It's up to me to fly in my way -- <BR> And I just re-discovered how important WHO you surround yourself with is... to the air cur... Tue, 16 Aug 2016 14:21:20 EST Ouji Board Round - how long? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6152806 I know I know. Yaknow? <BR> It's MY saying: "the scale is a ouiji board" <BR> And, for me, it is. <BR> Sometimes weighing myself is motivating and sometimes it backfires. <BR> Sometimes being on a schedule for the numbers works and sometimes it's a mistake. <BR> <BR> I've been eating healthy for SIX YEARS! yeah! woot! that's amazing! <BR> I've lost 245-165 75 lbs <BR> I want a "goal weight" in the 30's... <BR> <BR> Getting out of the 60's is taking a F of a Long time. <BR> ... Fri, 29 Apr 2016 11:18:28 EST BAT LENSES -- for my eyes only -- http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6149504 I WANT TO DELETE THIS BECAUSE IT REALLY IS NOT What I want to be sharing about. But... I'm leaving it here because -- well... this happened. I had this moment when I wanted to consider surgery in my future. Ugh. Or ... well... Putting it away for posterity. It's an inside job. But outsides DO MATTER TO ME, too. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> I wrote this yesterday -- <BR> <BR> My BFF got a tummy tuck last month. She reached goal weight at WW and has been Lifetime for a few months. <BR> <BR>... Sun, 24 Apr 2016 20:38:28 EST Onward & Downward - Making it Real - Making it New - Making it Honest http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6149484 I moved the scale to where I would love to find it in my not so distant future <BR> <img src="http://photosaws.sparkpeople.com/guid/1182a097-0118-4f84-b245-58d38b714319.JPG"> <BR> Admitting that I WANT THIS - Saying yes <BR> <BR> Challenging the fine line between acceptance and resignation... <BR> <BR> I'm delighted to be down from 246 from 2010 and be at <BR> <img src="http://photosaws.sparkpeople.com/guid/a7ca887c-7e01-44b6-b2a2-a4201169430d.JPG"> <BR> <BR> I've been here a long time... Sun, 24 Apr 2016 20:10:26 EST Write of Spring - Right Spring in Step - Little Engine - of Love http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6130151 <BR> <img src="http://photosaws.sparkpeople.com/guid/f0283599-0ccd-4c4d-9a4d-69f1cebe96d2.jpg"> <BR> <img src="http://photosaws.sparkpeople.com/guid/09f0fb30-33c1-4228-ab81-cd6d5aa32590.jpg"> <BR> <BR> Yes I can Yes I can Yes I can <BR> If I say it enough (which I don't, apparently).... Like the little engine that could.... <BR> <BR> Restricting and Indulging.... I've been on a see saw or a yo yo. <BR> Bring back the machete carrying chicken and the very slow turtle. <BR> <BR... Tue, 29 Mar 2016 13:06:40 EST You are what you focus on http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6051030 As the Buddha says "What you are is what you have been; what you will be is what you do now." <BR> Tue, 22 Dec 2015 04:39:47 EST So maybe I need ... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6037350 You guys. <BR> You guys here are awesome. And for you I am so grateful. <BR> Thank you <BR> and best wishes for a happy healthy holiday. <BR> <BR> I need to check in on Sparkydoodle. <BR> I may actually 'need' the connection and the spirit and the ritual. <BR> <BR> HOLIDAZE <BR> ain't no 'scuse <BR> <BR> Now... It's NOT that i overate today. <BR> It's that... When I'm not connected... When I don't track... I don't <BR> BELIEVE <BR> When I don't track... <BR> I feel like "I must be... Tue, 24 Nov 2015 19:25:24 EST I am NOT giving up! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6034250 Gosh... I can really be a drama queen roller coaster. <BR> These past couple of days have shown me that... again. haha <BR> But I take out my spark light magic wand coalminers hat spotlight <BR> and i say <BR> <BR> I AM NOT GIVING UP <BR> <BR> setbacks <BR> GDI they hurt the ego and the morale <BR> but <BR> setbacks happen <BR> and sometimes <BR> they happen like a trampoline <BR> <BR> I am not giving up! <BR> gdi <BR> <BR> Do not over restrict <BR> but do not indulge <BR> STAY ON TEH... Wed, 18 Nov 2015 13:15:46 EST Hunger Games http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6029312 Blank 133x176 <BR> Hunger: A Memoir of (M... <BR> by Roxane Gay <BR> Hunger: A Memoir of (My) Body <BR> by Roxane Gay (Goodreads Author), Tbd (Reading) <BR> 4.04 of 5 stars 4.04 · rating details · 23 ratings · 1 review <BR> From the bestselling author of Bad Feminist: a searingly honest memoir of food, weight, self-image, and learning how to feed your hunger while taking care of yourself <BR> <BR> “I ate and ate and ate in the hopes that if I made myself big, my body would be safe. ... Mon, 9 Nov 2015 13:04:42 EST where seldom is heard... a discouraging word..... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6027460 <img src="http://photosaws.sparkpeople.com/guid/e2b0ab40-2a90-4ed7-a0bb-f9e34be1e15a.jpg"> <img src="http://photosaws.sparkpeople.com/guid/39627c45-c193-496c-b779-54907ca8f879.jpg"> <img src="http://photosaws.sparkpeople.com/guid/2bdf086b-ed3e-4691-8c70-0e0302f32392.jpg"> <BR> <BR> so ... not til mid December.... <BR> still here in the victorian happy town sweet village house til then <BR> Then in Dec.... <BR> We'll move out to a different microclimate -- the valley... more rural... -- and... Thu, 5 Nov 2015 22:38:11 EST checking in - october 2015 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6011258 i love october <BR> best weather, light, smells, <BR> new notebooks <BR> pumpkins.... <BR> <BR> I haven't turned into one...yet. <BR> My intentions and efforts to step-it-up with more time on the elliptical is being successful. I'm getting more activity time. And a higher step count. <BR> I'm still not hitting 10k a day though. Room to improve! <BR> <BR> After being stuck at 167 for a very long time <BR> I'm down to 163.6 (call in 164) today <BR> Today I got a charm at my WW meeting t... Wed, 7 Oct 2015 21:41:30 EST A(In)spiring Up http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6001390 Sometimes a spark friend here really inspires me. <BR> I am so grateful for those moments. <BR> <BR> I've been reading a great book called "The War of Art" which is all about "Resistance" - in its so many forms and faces <BR> <BR> Pushing Through... <BR> Doing My Work.... <BR> whether it's creative expression or diet/exercise <BR> <BR> Friends, I've got patterns of resistance <BR> That I identify with <BR> too much <BR> <BR> When I get inspired by one of you <BR> or someone or something ... Mon, 21 Sep 2015 11:16:15 EST Resilience - see spot stay ;-) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5999052 This is the word. The one that keeps being the answer to What do I need? What do I need more of? Where is blank to be filled...etc. <BR> <BR> So... How glad am I to find a Spark article on the subject this morning? Terrifically. <BR> I will write more about my own relationship to Resilience .... in future. <BR> For now... Here is a cut-and-paste of what I found in the <em>252</em> <em>223</em> article this morning. Maybe you read it too? <BR> <BR> " There are a lot of personal ... Thu, 17 Sep 2015 09:18:29 EST NSVs WGs Goals Balance Wins http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5996628 Yes. I want to WIN. <BR> (That's an uncommon thing for me to say). <BR> What? What do I want to win? <BR> Well... I think that this weight body game story is number one... the longest narrative running and all headway pays off in SO many other areas of my life. <BR> I'd like to win the Scale Numbers <BR> I'd like to wind the Body Movement VITALITY formula replacing the calorie-burn <BR> <BR> OUIJI BOARD -- I'm in a current scale conundrum <BR> 173.6 to 165.8 in 7 weeks of WW <BR> But scal... Sun, 13 Sep 2015 13:20:23 EST All the true vows (David Whyte) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5991004 ALL THE TRUE VOWS <BR> <BR> All the true vows <BR> are secret vows <BR> the ones we speak out loud <BR> are the ones we break. <BR> <BR> There is only one life <BR> you can call your own <BR> and a thousand others <BR> you can call by any name you want. <BR> <BR> Hold to the truth you make <BR> every day with your own body, <BR> don’t turn your face away. <BR> <BR> Hold to your own truth <BR> at the center of the image <BR> you were born with. <BR> <BR> Those who do not understand <... Fri, 4 Sep 2015 14:37:35 EST RUMI poem - "Together through the Years" http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5990993 TOGETHER THROUGH THE YEARS <BR> <BR> It is for that moment when I might steady you so you <BR> don't fall, I have added my blood to an inkwell. <BR> <BR> Indelible now will be my mark on history's canvas and <BR> upon any sincere debate of God where reason finally <BR> prevails. <BR> <BR> And when you have the strength, you too may find <BR> another to hold up. <BR> <BR> They lean against each other in a storm, those cypresses <BR> grown tall together . . . through the years. <BR> <BR> ... Fri, 4 Sep 2015 14:20:19 EST inlaws, family, authenticity and ..... tell me http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5988132 So.... What do I know about Family relations? <BR> I dunno.... Mine is pretty compartmentalized... my nuclear family experience -- super super small, no extended aunts or uncles or grands. <BR> As I now reach grand age myself.... and have inlaws with multi-generations... <BR> I am having to learn some dynamics that some of y'all have known all along. <BR> I get confused! <BR> Do you? <BR> I mean.... Go along to get along. Yes. Kindness. Yes. Let things go. Show up. <BR> Some gene... Mon, 31 Aug 2015 13:53:36 EST from mary oliver - blue horses - Bless... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5975853 Here’s a catalyzing fragment from the poem “The Fourth Sign of the Zodiac”: <BR> from Mary Oliver's book, Blue Horses: <BR> <BR> <BR> I know, you never intended to be in this world. <BR> But you’re in it all the same. <BR> <BR> So why not get started immediately. <BR> <BR> I mean, belonging to it. <BR> There is so much to admire, to weep over. <BR> <BR> And to write music or poems about. <BR> <BR> Bless the feet that take you to and fro. <BR> Bless the eyes and the listening ears. <BR>... Tue, 11 Aug 2015 09:58:59 EST The road taken - Every day new day http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5975627 So... Being on the road is really hard for my "diet" comfort, really hard for my Rhythm. <BR> Steady On, for me, requires a kind of PRACTICE, a kind of discipline and rhythm and momentum. There are habits that work for keeping my food choices on point for weight loss. There are habits of behaviors that keep me centered and keeping up with daily tasks while keeping my moods and anxieties kind of steady... <BR> <BR> I still turn to food when other soothing attempts fail. Food takes th... Mon, 10 Aug 2015 22:50:53 EST KickBoard - new moves http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5947717 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hyV_kyKzSz<BR>U <BR> <BR> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iM3z1eDD<BR>cGE <BR> <BR> <BR> Oh…. THAT'S how to do it!! <BR> <BR> <BR> And how to pick WHICH kick board to use? <BR> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8wPubyYW<BR>v54 <BR> <BR> Fri, 19 Jun 2015 11:10:45 EST Taking the show on the road http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5925034 Moving <BR> Place <BR> Moving <BR> story lines connections <BR> people places things <BR> <BR> Furniture, artwork, photos, boxes of history, papers, rugs, linens, dishes, cookware, lamps and boxes and bins and <BR> my good ness …. There is so much here … Chanel…. clothes city clothes…. <BR> This life of mine here…. I want to inhabit it. I never have. <BR> Winchester scrunched and scrunched … I hoarded my things and could not see them… did not have the space to use them nicely. <... Fri, 8 May 2015 21:52:06 EST Gutterballs - reflections on closed jars … and Energetics of Next http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5918483 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/2/1/l2136556416.jpg"> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/9/l1920428170.jpg"> <BR> <BR> <BR> NEW DAY <BR> readying for travel… <BR> REFLECTION MORNING TIME <BR> <BR> so tender and something-else <BR> how joe and i are when i am about to leave for a trip <BR> it's good for Us to have these separations <BR> remembrances of proximity <BR> we forget often <BR> with the friction and blender <BR> (to say the least… we've been at e... Mon, 27 Apr 2015 11:09:13 EST journals…dreams….moments…. whoosh…. meaning-making http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5907108 Tues 4/7/15 - yeah… twentyFIFTEEN. Wow. <BR> I'm 56… turning 57 this year. <BR> Getting more body aware, more integrated -- soft tissue, structure, spirit, … <BR> And forty lbs I'd like to move off -- the better to inhabit <BR> the better <BR> to inhabit <BR> open up to <BR> me, who since infancy has held her thumb inside her hands…. grounding. <BR> me, whose posture so habitually compresses ribs to hips… concaving the center <BR> me, with the big big heart chakra <BR> me, with the big... Tue, 7 Apr 2015 12:59:32 EST spotify uplift http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5902371 Spotify!!!! Better than Pandora by… well… lots. <BR> So… dear friends and team mates <em>252</em> <em>223</em> <BR> I'm Stil Here! <BR> Had a week of assiduous tracking and lost a couple of pounds. Then a week of 'winging it'… with a glass of wine here and cooking oil unmonitored there. Not getting on the scale til Tue/Wed for checkin. <BR> <BR> Weighing and Measuring? <BR> Food yes. Me…. rarely. 1x week or 1x every 2 weeks. <BR> <BR> Movement <BR> My various injuries an... Mon, 30 Mar 2015 14:00:12 EST be kind to yourself http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5894320 being kind to myself <BR> is my priority. <BR> this means … <BR> making my own SPARK <em>469</em> a priority <BR> eating low calories (1100-1300 calories) <BR> drinking water….s <BR> closing the kitchen early…. <BR> ALLOWING THIS GOAL <BR> my goals <BR> TO MATTER <BR> to rise to the occasions <BR> to rise to the top <BR> to GIVE MYSELF A GIFT <em>88</em> <BR> <BR> <BR> E.D. History is a bitch, man. <BR> Seriously. <BR> And… <BR> Well…. it's not a death sentence. <BR> <BR> <em>4... Tue, 17 Mar 2015 00:32:19 EST hip hip - rehab means remember … and do http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5891149 hip hip <BR> hippy hippy <BR> shake <BR> side to side <BR> waddle and wallop <BR> my pants are tight <BR> i swear <BR> i swear in <BR> i swear off <BR> i swear <BR> up and down <BR> and up <BR> and <BR> f <BR> and <BR> s <BR> and <BR> me <BR> and <BR> my <BR> and <BR> HERE <BR> and <BR> NOW <BR> and <BR> <BR> 176-156 <BR> that's what its a gonna take <BR> to <BR> have my pant <em>9</em> <em>354</em> fit <BR> <BR> to have my pants fit comfy <BR> sacrifices may be made <BR> deals may... Wed, 11 Mar 2015 13:48:05 EST followup from last blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5889539 Hi again. <BR> so… I'm doing well… <BR> today <BR> <BR> At 4pm I realized (ha!) that I hadn't gotten to workout yet. Had postponed, had put off, had said to myself that i didn't want to 'force' it. <BR> So at 4pm I had a natural opening… and THAT's when I went to InShape and put in 30 minutes on the elliptical With TV - George Stephanopoulus to boot. <BR> <BR> I'm happy I got the movement in. <BR> <em>248</em> <BR> <BR> And I'm on point with food today. good calories. good quali... Sun, 8 Mar 2015 23:01:12 EST Tight Jeans - and a good day so far, let's keep it that way http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5888842 So… Hooray… Boooya…. It's 3:34pm and I've had a "good day" so far. <BR> Bkfst Lunch and Snacks On Track <BR> Calories low and Nutrition high <BR> 2 33oz bottles of water consumed <BR> Yay APPLES <BR> Not fighting with Joe -- and both of us working at it <BR> SUNNY DAY <BR> Worked out <BR> Put on jeans I forgot about <BR> and they are <BR> TIGHT <BR> TIGHT JEANS feel …. um….. harsh. <BR> Putting them on at the gym I felt the flush of regret and almost-shame (but nipped it in the bud). "... Sat, 7 Mar 2015 18:32:39 EST Poem- "Start Close In" http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5884903 START CLOSE IN - poem by david whyte <BR> <BR> Start close in, <BR> don’t take <BR> the second step <BR> or the third, <BR> start with the first <BR> thing <BR> close in, <BR> the step <BR> you don’t want to take. <BR> Start with <BR> the ground <BR> you know, <BR> the pale ground <BR> beneath your feet, <BR> your own <BR> way to begin <BR> the conversation. <BR> Start with your own <BR> question, <BR> give up on other <BR> people’s questions, <BR> don’t let them <BR> smother something <BR... Sun, 1 Mar 2015 14:58:20 EST new avatar - black bathing suit http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5884727 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/9/2/l920360761.jpg"> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/5/l1514182045.jpg"> <BR> <BR> <BR> 176 - 135 <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> BTW: This gal doesn't have 50 years of deflated skin from gaining and losing so much weight. This gal didn't weigh 299 at age 17. However…. How I THINK i look now (to myself) is not clear either. So…. Let's roll with this. <BR> <BR> AIMING for the 50's!!!! <BR> (We'll look at the last 15 lbs in s... Sun, 1 Mar 2015 10:19:33 EST WEIGHT REPORT -- Up&Down … Deconstructed and NEW GOALS http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5884723 UP AND DOWN <BR> <BR> <BR> So here's the REPORT <BR> <BR> I weighed 172 a whole bunch of times in the last year. <BR> <BR> 6/16/14 <BR> 7/09/14 <BR> 8/22/14 <BR> 1/19/15 <BR> 2/03/15 <BR> 2/17/15 <BR> <BR> and I weighed higher <BR> with 176 being my concrete ceiling (6/25/14) <BR> with a yo low of 168.2 (aug and also 11/18/14) <BR> <BR> <BR> and I weighed lower (this chapter) <BR> 170.6 7/26/14 <BR> 168.2 8/7/14 <BR> 172 .2 8/22/14 <BR> 171.2 10/7/14 <BR> 171.6 12/12/14 <BR>... Sun, 1 Mar 2015 10:12:53 EST March Goals http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5884206 it's okay to want to lose weight - move stones. <BR> What's reasonable? As a goal this month? I want to lose 5 lbs. <BR> Yes. How fabulous would that feel? Very. <BR> <BR> I will weigh myself tomorrow morning… in my bday suit. <BR> (I will not react in beatmyselfup mode if i am up after a week of eating out with out of town guests) <BR> <BR> I will go to the gym 4x this week (or more). <BR> I will work out 40min - 60min each visit. <BR> I will drink a lot of water daily. <BR> I will ... Sat, 28 Feb 2015 11:06:35 EST montage of intention http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5879863 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/2/0/l2059006595.jpg"> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/4/3/l437681871.jpg"> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/0/l1054313010.jpg"> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/7/9/l793452863.jpg"> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/3/l1305877671.jpg"> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/1/l1125434287.jpg"> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/5/8/l580589385.jpg"> <img src="http://photos... Sat, 21 Feb 2015 11:00:13 EST From Jen Louden, via Brene Brown http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5878275 “Where is the line between pleasure or comfort and numbing?” <BR> <BR> This is where I found Jen’s work on shadow comforts. It accurately reflects the data and she’s named it in a way offers clarity and connection. I love it when that happens! In The Life Organizer, Jen writes: <BR> <BR> “Shadow comforts can take any form. It’s not what you do; it’s why you do it that makes the difference. You can eat a piece of chocolate as a holy wafer of sweetness—a real comfort—or you can cram an entir... Wed, 18 Feb 2015 17:12:30 EST I''m here, I'm clear….. love myself as I love…u http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5876727 so…. what gives? <BR> mirror mirror on the wall…. whose the…. fairest/fattest of them all? <BR> I never know what I'm seeing in the mirror <BR> a visage <BR> a reflection <BR> a ghost <BR> a harbinger <BR> a memory <BR> a feeling <BR> a version of me <BR> <BR> one day i look good (to me) <BR> the next day … not so much <BR> <BR> sometimes it is how much i slept <BR> or what Im wearing <BR> A LOT of the time… it's how I feel inside <BR> bouncing <BR> off the light <BR> and through the glas... Mon, 16 Feb 2015 11:48:07 EST TitsTatsPitterPats - - ou est les operating instructions…. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5871850 What? No idea what that means. <BR> IT'S RAINING! NICE. Gray suits me. And helps to encourage a cocooning … My job to keep it positive. <BR> <BR> I'm not keeping my Self happy and buoyant on a full day basis. <BR> I am not enough engaged. <BR> I don't have enough contact(s) here in California. <BR> ISOLATION for me…. invites my 'addictions' (hate that word use… but it will suffice). <BR> <BR> Food… works as a substitute for friendship and activity. <BR> It works but NOT REALLY. <BR> "... Sun, 8 Feb 2015 13:21:49 EST Stormy Weather - really just a rant - no comments, please (i should get a journa http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5870682 "… don't know why…." <BR> <BR> Joe's sister and her family are snuggling in …. got a bunch more firewood yesterday… getting ready for "the storms". Winter rain and wind a'comin'. When I still lived in Chicago… I heard about the winter storms on the CA south coast… the greenhouse blowing off the hill… the sound of a train… the whistles off the hills. It's not like Kansas. It has it's own particulars here. Yep. Now it's Here instead of There for me. Except that… well… Whether its ME (m... Fri, 6 Feb 2015 12:52:05 EST