PINKPUSSYCAT62's SparkPeople Blog PINKPUSSYCAT62's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Happy Spring! The weather here today was perfect... sunny breezy and not too hot or cold. I love it! Spring always cheers me up... it is hard to feel depressed when everything is blooming. I have been walking and it hasn't been hard to get myself out of the house for a change. <BR> <BR> I am back after a hiatus, or more honestly, a relapse into old habits. I gained a little weight and I am back once again to get myself on the right track. On the positive side, it wasn't much weight and I am feeling very p... Tue, 8 Apr 2014 21:46:46 EST Feeling Positive I weighed myself today (first time since Jan 1) and I am up 0.5 pound, but I am totally OK with that. I was off track for about 2 weeks, and I thought I had done more "damage" than that. Once again, I perceived my mistakes to be much worse than reality. <em>24</em> <BR> <BR> I have am slowly learning that having an OCCASIONAL junk food indulgence isn't a total disaster, and moderation is really the way to go. But it is a hard lesson to learn. I always feel guilty and I have to work to get... Sun, 26 Jan 2014 15:10:58 EST Back to Basics I have really been off track the past two weeks. I won't dwell on it, but I do feel guilty. I am thinking of positive things whenever the guilty feeling hits me. Life is too short to waste time on guilt. I decided to not weigh myself since this would probably be bad news and upset me, which would lead to more eating. <BR> <BR> But it is a new day, so.... moving on.... <BR> <BR> My goals for this week are going to be simple and few. I tend to make too many goals and then I don't do any of ... Mon, 20 Jan 2014 19:22:31 EST New Year's Goals <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Happy New Years, everyone! I hope everyone is looking forward to a healthy and productive year! I have renewed my commitment to improve my health this coming year, and have made some new goals, and I would like to share them. <BR> <BR> My 2014 Goals: <BR> <BR> 1. To lose 50 more lbs. This is a reasonable, attainable goal for me, about... Tue, 31 Dec 2013 16:12:56 EST My Year in Review <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Let's look back at 2013: <BR> <BR> I had a pretty good year! My main accomplishment is that I lost 30 lbs. Woo Hoo! Yay me! (I do have a niggling little voice that says that I could have lost more, but I've been telling it to shut up.) Thirty pounds is a lot of weight! I am already feeling much better for it. The other day I carried 10 lbs. of rocks (to paint) around for awhile, and to think I have lost 3 times t... Tue, 31 Dec 2013 15:32:55 EST Moving Forward <img src=""> <BR> <BR> One of my biggest challenges is letting go of the past. I tend to mull over each mistake or difficult situation over and over to figure out what went wrong or what I could have done differently. Not that those things are bad per se, but what I am talking about is DAYS of re-running the past in my head, to the point that I am missing out and ruining my present. I am not sure of the clinical term for this unhelpful... Fri, 27 Dec 2013 22:52:06 EST Today's Plan <img src=""> Thu, 26 Dec 2013 20:13:42 EST Surprise! Wow, I have really been struggling for the past week or so, at least I felt out of control with my eating. I won't go into great detail but I honestly felt like I was overdoing it. I was tracking most of the stuff, not everything, I ate and it was too much. I also didn't walk as much as I thought I should have. <BR> <BR> But, despite all of that, I lost one pound each of the past two weeks. I honestly thought I would gain. <BR> <BR> I do know that I have been eating much cleaner than I used... Sat, 26 Oct 2013 13:52:26 EST Week Goals Thought I'd just jot down what I'd like to do this week, making lists helps me so much! <BR> <BR> 1. Walk every day <BR> 2. Track all of my food every day <BR> 3. Drink 64 oz of water daily <BR> 4. Start on my Halloween costume (I'm making a papier-mache pumpkin head mask) <BR> 5. Paint some Halloween rocks <BR> 6. Post on Spark People daily <BR> 7. Get started with the Beck program (Beck Diet Solution, a cognitive thinking program for losing weight) <BR> <BR> I am feeling pretty good. I at... Mon, 21 Oct 2013 13:41:44 EST Day one Back on Track Today was a pretty good day, despite me being in a crummy mood. My schedule was different, which threw a monkey wrench into everything, but despite that, I was on track with my eating and exercise. Yey! I decided I really need to turn it around, and not let the idiots and mean people get me down. I have to take care of myself. I have worked too hard to start gaining weight back. <BR> <BR> The weather here in Oregon has been absolutely beautiful lately... crisp but sunny and dry, my favorite.... Wed, 16 Oct 2013 21:42:49 EST Getting back on track First of all I want to thank everyone for the great, supportive comments on my last blog! <BR> <BR> I feel a little better and I am still trying to get back on track... it's going okay, but not great. <BR> <BR> I went for a walk and have been drinking my water today, which is good, baby steps. We won't talk about the giant burrito I had for lunch... <BR> <BR> Tomorrow is another day, another chance to turn it around, and I can do it! <BR> <BR> I WILL NOT GIVE UP! Tue, 15 Oct 2013 20:48:23 EST Still Struggling The other day I had to make a very hard decision and it has left me very depressed. My sister's husband has been a jerk to me since they got married, but lately his drinking and moronic behavior has gotten much worse, and he has finally crossed the line. Friday night I went out to dinner with them, and he was drunk as usual, and he started berating me, calling me "the WORST person", the meanest Aunt, saying I was scaring the kids by answering their questions about Frankenstein... He actuall... Sun, 13 Oct 2013 19:47:39 EST Struggles Sorry I have been AWOL lately.... I have been off the wagon now for about three weeks. Sheesh! I felt better for about two days after all of the stress when my inlaws were here, then a week ago, I got a stupid cold. I am feeling better now but since I got the cold, I have been ravenous and eating too much. My husband says it is psychological, but I really feel HUNGRY. Oh well... <BR> <BR> I know what I need to do to get back on track. I'll be honest and say I really don't want to do it... b... Fri, 4 Oct 2013 12:59:36 EST Much Better I am feeling much better. My in-laws are gone, my hormones have calmed down and I am much calmer. Whew! I feel normal. <BR> <BR> I am excited about my 15 lb challenge ( to lose 15 lbs by Jan 1) and I have already started working on it. I walked 1.5 miles at lunch and I have eaten very well today and drank my water. I will make a small poster and put it in my bathroom. <BR> <BR> Well, I have to go back to work for the afternoon. <BR> <BR> I hope everyone is doing great! Tue, 24 Sep 2013 14:57:02 EST And the roller coaster drops... Aaaahhhhh..... <BR> <BR> Feeling crappy. Started my period. Going through menopause. In-laws in my living room. Eating too much. The weather changed from 80 degrees Thursday to pouring rain, wind and 50 degrees today. Need I go on? <BR> <BR> I need to move ahead. Keep calm and carry on. Just keep swimming. Listen to ABBA. Dancing Queen makes everything better! <BR> <BR> I will not quit. I will not give up on myself. I can totally do this. I deserve this. It is hard right now, but it will... Sun, 22 Sep 2013 21:35:44 EST Struggling First of all my in-laws are coming into town tonight.... so I have been stressed out about that. I cleaned the house on my lunch break today and of course I still don't think it is good enough.... <BR> Also... my sister is having some trouble with her husband (and she isn't doing anything about it) and that is upsetting me. <BR> I have had about four days this week where I ate too much (two birthday parties last weekend! Cake, my biggest downfall <em>24</em> ) and I have been having those ... Fri, 20 Sep 2013 15:27:36 EST Back to work... I started back to work last Wed. after having the summer off. I am school bus driver and I like my job, but I have to wake up at 4:30, and I am not a morning person. It helps a lot that my DH works with me, so he gets up when I do and drives with me to work, but the hardest part of the day is when my alarm goes off. ugh. So, of course, it was extra hard last week since I had been getting up at 8am pretty much all summer. But I managed to survive and stay on track. <BR> <BR> I was slightly di... Sun, 8 Sep 2013 16:04:22 EST Staying Positive and 3 Accomplishments Today's lesson on Spark Coach is to list three recent achievements, and to focus on the positive things we do, rather than dwell on the negative mistakes. <BR> <BR> Here are my 3: <BR> <BR> 1. i lost 15 lbs this summer, 31 lbs. total this year. WOO HOO! <BR> 2. i have exercised almost every day this year. Wow! <BR> 3. I started a new hobby I am excited about (painting rocks) Yey for rocks! <BR> <BR> I know it's totally a cliche, but for me, it is very important to remind myself of all of t... Mon, 2 Sep 2013 11:58:55 EST September already! I can't believe it's September 1. Time to evaluate a few things. Wow, the summer went by fast. It is still pretty warm here in Portland, so it doesn't really feel like summer is winding down, but since I start back to work in 3 days, I know it is. I am looking forward to cooler temperatures and falling leaves. <BR> <BR> I am so happy about my weight loss for the summer, I lost 15 lbs. since school ended in June! Woo Hoo! That is more than I thought I could lose! <BR> <BR> I have found surpr... Sun, 1 Sep 2013 12:13:56 EST Happy Day! I am a special Ed. School Bus Driver and today we got assigned our school bus routes for the upcoming school year. I am super happy since I got the same one I had last year, which is the one I wanted. It will be a little different, two kids are gone since last year, and one new one got added, but everything else is the same. I only have 2 kids to take home in the afternoon, so I will actually get home a little sooner. Yey! I had been anxious and trying not to worry about what I would get, but... Fri, 23 Aug 2013 01:00:04 EST Busy is good! <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I have decided to transfer my daily goal list to paper... so I got this cute notepad at the dollar store. <BR> <BR> I have been doing well and keeping busy. I painted three more rocks: <BR> <img src=""> <BR> upside down <BR> <BR> i am learning (the hard way of course) a lot about painting...always use quality paints and brushes, be patient about letting th... Tue, 20 Aug 2013 13:54:17 EST Saturday's List Wow! I lost 2.5 lbs this week! Whoa! Yey me! I am so happy right now, i feel really in control of things. My plan is working! I have been keeping busy the past two days, which I realize now seems to be the key to my plan. If I get bored, I start to think too much, feel bad and then I want to eat to soothe myself. If i am busy, I don't have time for that! <BR> <BR> Today I am home alone, so I need a plan. <BR> <BR> Here is my list for today: <BR> <BR> Spark Coach <BR> eat breakfast <BR> wa... Sat, 17 Aug 2013 13:14:18 EST Busy! I have been pretty busy with babysitting the past two days...picking blackberries, playing with the kids, cleaning up etc., so I haven't been making a daily list. This is fine since I am staying busy. It is most important for me to make a list on days where I am alone all day with little to do. I definitely need structure for those long, lonely days. I will definitely do a list tomorrow. <BR> <BR> I hope everyone is having a good day! Fri, 16 Aug 2013 19:29:25 EST Daily Goal List Yesterday I had a good day, I met all of my goals, but I did spend more time on the computer than I wanted to. Oh well, I'm not perfect. <BR> <BR> This morning I realized it was the 14th and half of August is gone already! I start back to work soon which is good (I'm a Special Ed. school bus driver), it will keep my time more structured. I am anxious about it since we don't know what route we will have until next week (we bid on routes based on seniority, and mine is low, this is only my sec... Wed, 14 Aug 2013 14:39:57 EST Tuesday Goals I have been doing well on my plan the past two days, i just didn't have time to blog about it. My depression seems much better, probably because I feel so productive, something I haven't been in a long time. I have actually felt happy, and you gotta love that! Here is a rock I painted for myself: <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> ...and here are my Boredom Book and my paper Journal: (the flower designs were pre-done, I just wrote on the... Tue, 13 Aug 2013 14:34:13 EST Day 7 goals Wow, I have been writing my daily goals here for a whole week! It went by fast! <BR> <BR> Yesterday I did pretty well, I was home alone most of the day and that is my "danger zone"...LOL... I tend to get bored/anxious and eat... but I managed to reach all of my goals. I can't stress enough how much listing what to do and having buddies that I feel accountable to really are keeping me focused. Thank you SO MUCH Spark friends! <BR> <BR> I also think it is hilarious that some people commented... Sun, 11 Aug 2013 15:42:28 EST Daily goals (day 6) I am so proud of myself and happy right now. <BR> <BR> First of all: I lost 2 lbs this week! So I need to acknowledge that although I thought I was doing terrible, I really wasn't doing that bad. The new habits are actually sinking in! This is particularly exciting because it means that all of my efforts are paying off and this is WORKING! I really feel like I can succeed! Wow! <BR> <BR> I did pretty good yesterday, I was kind of tired but I managed to stay on track. The kids and I made p... Sat, 10 Aug 2013 15:01:02 EST Daily Goals (day 5) Well I did great yesterday, I reached all of my goals. I played "zombie tag" with the kids, (just imagine an overweight 51 year old jogging around with outstretched arms in a field after 2 toddlers yelling "Brains!) and picked blackberries, so I was extra tired last night. <BR> <BR> I'm babysitting again today so here's the plan: <BR> shower <BR> eat breakfast <BR> pack my lunch <BR> go to SparkCoach <BR> exercise at least 30 minutes (play with kids) <BR> go to dollar store for craft suppli... Fri, 9 Aug 2013 11:41:26 EST Action Plan (Day 4) Today I babysit my niece and nephew, they are 3 and 4, so activity and boredom are not going to be a problem! <BR> <BR> My goals for today : <BR> <BR> Eat breakfast <BR> pack my lunch <BR> visit Spark Coach <BR> walk for 20 minutes <BR> track all my food <BR> drink all my water <BR> play with kids for at least 30 minutes outside <BR> check in with my Spark buddies <BR> track my exercise and post to my team for challenge <BR> It's a big list! <BR> <BR> I hope everyone is having a successful... Thu, 8 Aug 2013 10:58:37 EST Action Plan (Day 3) I had a busy day, so I didn't have time to make a "before" list today. Yesterday I did ok, I never made it to the store, but I did well on eating, walking, drinking H20 and logging my food. Woo Hoo! <BR> <BR> Today we went for a long drive to check out some campgrounds on Mt. Hood and we ate a picnic lunch (store-bought turkey wrap, an apple and iced tea) at Timothy Lake. It was beautiful and peaceful. We are planning a camping trip up there soon. I am very picky about campsites, so we usu... Wed, 7 Aug 2013 20:16:48 EST Today's Plan (Day 2) First I'd like to report that I met all of my goals for yesterday and I also felt motivated again, which was GREAT! I got a great start on my "Boredom Book" (simple ideas for when I am alone and bored). I will work on it more today. I actually had tons of ideas for stuff, I am a very creative person inside, It's just that depression squelched that in me temporarily. It felt really good to brainstorm. <BR> <BR> I also thought up a craft I can do with my niece & nephew, aged 3 and 4 (I babysit... Tue, 6 Aug 2013 12:50:42 EST Action Plan I have been struggling this past week. <BR> <BR> Here is my plan to get back on track: <BR> <BR> Today: <BR> <BR> 1. Make a list of things I can do when I get bored and lonely. (boredom and anxiety are big stumbling blocks for me, leading to "comfort eating") <BR> 2. Track my food <BR> 3. Drink 8 glasses of water <BR> 4. Exercise at least 10 minutes <BR> 5. Visit Spark coach <BR> <BR> I'll make a new plan tomorrow. Mon, 5 Aug 2013 13:22:44 EST Struggle <em>230</em> <BR> Today I am feeling the "toxic guilt." The past few days, I have been eating more than I should have and I did not track my food all week. I 'm pretty sure I have PMS. This morning I weighed myself and I was up 1.5 lbs., the first time i have gained since April. I know in my head it is water weight and it's no big deal... but today was the first weigh in for my summer challenge and I am ashamed that I have gained. I feel terrible. I have been justifying and arguing in my ... Sat, 3 Aug 2013 12:50:07 EST Vacation triumph! <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Confession: I didn't really want to go on the vacation because I was so upset about my cat's death (see my previous blog) but surprisingly, I had a wonderful time. I guess it was a great way to distract myself from my grief. <BR> <BR> We drove to Victoria, BC from Portland, taking the ferry from Port Angeles. We stayed two days there and I had high tea at the Empress (FANTASTIC!), visited the Royal Museum, Butch... Sun, 21 Jul 2013 18:20:49 EST Goodbye <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I had to put my best friend to sleep today. Not a good time. She was the best cat I ever had and I have had a lot of cats. I have no kids so she was like my child. She was 17. A sad sad day. <BR> <BR> I really feel like eating right now and I probably will. I know it won't solve any problems or bring her back, but I can take some comfort in ... Wed, 10 Jul 2013 17:27:47 EST Cool <img src=""> <BR> <BR> The past few days the temp has been in the mid 90's here, and I have been staying indoors most of the time. We don't have A/C, so it has been a challenge to keep cool. I am one of those people that doesn't do well in the heat, and the fact that I am obese just makes it so much worse. I seriously don't even want to wear any clothes, LOL. So... since I am not working right now, I have been mostly watching TV and read... Tue, 2 Jul 2013 15:21:06 EST Camping I just got back from a short camping trip. It was too hot and there were tons of mosquitoes (I am allergic to them) so we actually came home after only one night. But i did learn something about myself on the trip. <BR> <BR> I purposely brought NO snack items, and only mostly canned goods (so we wouldn't have to do dishes) I brought just enough food to eat for the meals i planned, and no extra. And, sadly, because of that, I was totally bored. <BR> <BR> Camping in the past to me meant bas... Sun, 30 Jun 2013 15:03:13 EST My New Necklace <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Sun, 23 Jun 2013 12:43:29 EST Healing <img src=""> <BR> This quote struck a chord with me today. I am responsible for my my weight loss, but also for my weight GAIN. In the past, when I felt "out of control" and started eating a lot of unhealthy foods, I really was in control, I was just making poor decisions. No one or nothing else did that. It <BR> <BR> If I truly take responsibility for all of my actions, I can change them. And i will! <BR> <BR> <img src="htt... Sat, 22 Jun 2013 14:02:44 EST Balance Thank you Spark Friends for all of your thoughtful replies to my last blog about spending too much time on SparkPeople It really makes me feel better to know I am not the only one with these concerns. <BR> <BR> I have thought a lot about things , and I decided that what I really need is to find a BALANCE in my life. I need to spend _some_ time each day on SparkPeople, but I am going to limit it to the features that really add something to my life! SO... I am going to continue with SparkCoac... Fri, 21 Jun 2013 12:31:47 EST Anxiety So the last two days I have been feeling anxious and "off of my program". I ate some junk food, and ate too much in general and yesterday I slept most of the day and didn't exercise. <BR> <BR> I was anxious and depressed because my sister and I had a conversation about weight (she is very heavy too), and I started feeling that I spend too much time tracking my calories etc., and focusing on how to lose weight. I am afraid that all of the time i spend on SparkPeople is actually unhealthy, th... Thu, 20 Jun 2013 10:53:15 EST Perfection... <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I used to think that if I wasn't perfectly on track 100% of the time, I was "doing it wrong" or a "failure". I believed that if I made one mistake with my eating, or skipped exercise for one day, I might as well eat whatever i wanted and give up. I would feel so guilty and bad about myself that I would just start eating and that would be the end of my attempt. I thought that I would always be fat, so why bother? <B... Sun, 16 Jun 2013 12:12:36 EST A little motivation <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Looking at this picture got me outside to do my 1.5 mile walk this evening. Mon, 10 Jun 2013 23:53:45 EST My Vision Board I made a vision board today: <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> I made it (easy!) at this website: <BR> <link> </link> Sat, 8 Jun 2013 15:02:43 EST The WHY behind my weight loss <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Today Spark Coach assignment was to explore the reasons behind wanting to lose weight, the "true goal". <BR> <BR> My true goal is simple and clear: to get healthy and fit. Right now I have difficulty moving around. I can barely tie my shoes. I feel heavy and awkward. Getting up out of certain chairs is hard. Running around playing with my niece and nephew is out of the question, I simply can't run. I am also de... Thu, 6 Jun 2013 23:31:52 EST In it for the long haul... <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I have been meditating on the whole lifestyle change vs temporary diet thing. <BR> <BR> My old pattern is to be very enthusiastic for 6 months or so, then to get frustrated since I still have a long way to go, and eventually give up and gain all the weight I lost back. <BR> <BR> I am determined to NOT repeat this hurtful pattern. I am going to permanently change my habits. This is not some temporary fix, it wi... Wed, 5 Jun 2013 23:29:04 EST My latest mantra <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I like this a lot. I have this taped on my bathroom wall and I look at it every time I go in there. Tue, 4 Jun 2013 13:23:32 EST Baby steps <img src=""> Sun, 2 Jun 2013 18:12:41 EST Slow progress is still progress! I have lost 1.5 lbs. in the past two weeks, which I know in my head is not too bad, but emotionally I feel a little disappointed. I know it is progress, and that is all that really counts, but I want to weigh less than 200 lbs. as of yesterday!!! <BR> <BR> My unrealistic expectations have tripped me up more than once, so I really need to work on this issue. I want to lose like 10 lbs. every week, LOL!!!! Wouldn't that be great? <BR> <BR> My non scale victories are that my pants are definit... Sun, 2 Jun 2013 15:51:32 EST Excuses, excuses... My personal list of exercise excuses <BR> <BR> 1. I'm too tired <BR> comeback: Exercise will give me more energy, I can ALWAYS go for a 10 minute walk. <BR> <BR> 2. It's too hot <BR> comeback: I can plan to do my exercises in the morning or evening when it is cooler. <BR> <BR> 3. I don't have enough time <BR> comeback: Not true. I seem to have plenty of time to watch TV or play on the internet, so I DO have time to exercise. Start with 10 minutes. <em>100</em> <BR> <BR> 4. I'll just ... Wed, 29 May 2013 21:34:23 EST