PHISHIE's SparkPeople Blog PHISHIE's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community 141 days till Hawaii. So , i am supposed to go to Hawaii for a conference. <BR> DH and I decided to make a vacay of it--so I posted a picture of beautiful hawaiian coastline and am mentally imaging smaller version of me sitting on the beach. <BR> any emotional support is appreciated--i am just blasted STARVING even though i am not under eating (i've stayed in about 1500 cal thereabouts).. Thu, 13 Sep 2012 12:44:34 EST so where the heck are those endorphins?... so. today i'm feeling entirely blue. <BR> and i can't even blame it on PMS, 'cause it's not that time. <BR> Primal Blueprint book arrived yesterday--in case someone doesn't know, this is by the guy who has, and advocates eating and living like our primal ancestors. Somewhere within the first chapters he goes through picturesque descriptions of the ancestral family frolicking in the woods and chomping on grubs and berries and swimming in the stream, and having fun and runn... Wed, 19 Jan 2011 10:39:29 EST OMG KETTLEBELLS ROCK! bought a 10 lb kettlebell (crappy one, but figured that for the beginning it will do). gotta tell ya--this stuff is awesome. did a 6 minute workout (one of those youtube things), got my heart pumping and all the muscles going and it didn't feel tough but i know it was. <BR> <BR> thinking of switching to primal blueprint diet. bought the book (hasn't arrived yet), but i sorta shifted to more protein and practically no bread...haven't given up cheese yet... <BR> weigh in tomorrow. <BR> Sat, 15 Jan 2011 23:49:54 EST bathing suit woes going on a first ever cruise with hubby; south caribbean no less. <BR> OBVIOUSLY i need bathing suits. <BR> ordered two from on sale (of course)--why would i invest 100+ dollars into a gorgeous swimsuit that sucks in all the right places only to get skinny out of it in a few months? <BR> so. <BR> wound up buying two--one in size 18w (that was the smallest available); this one is one shouldered black number, very plain. Gotta give the people props; for chubby people the construct... Thu, 13 Jan 2011 20:36:00 EST fat list looked through my documents on google and found this gem from a few months ago as i was looking for motivation to lose weight. <BR> this is embarrassing, but i feel the need to share it. PLEASE do comment. embarrassment is helpful, makes the decisions stick in the temporal lobes... <BR> <BR> 1. if there is a medical emergency, don't want to be the fat blob that causes people to have backpains after they hoist me up <BR> 2. hypertension, diabetes, obstructive sleep apnea, strokes <BR> 3. wear... Thu, 13 Jan 2011 11:31:34 EST depressed. this is what it usually boils down to. <BR> i can't do anything half-assed. if i'm sparking--i'm in it 100%. it consumes me. exercising and taking care of myself becomes a full time job, in addition to my other full time job (which is 50 hrs a week, no less). <BR> so at this point i have been reduced to a creature that wakes up, goes to work, comes back from work, eats, gets on a treadmill and the passes out till the morning... it becomes sort of an obsession--if i miss the day of working out... Mon, 10 Jan 2011 23:07:37 EST back to the grind so my scale tells me i lost 8 lbs. <BR> frankly, I DON"T BELIEVE IT. <BR> my clothes are stil as tight on me as can be--like a frigging drum. <BR> my belly-roll is unchanged in size, and pants are very tight. <BR> am i the only one to whom this crap happens? <BR> help? Mon, 10 Jan 2011 10:35:48 EST pre-scheduled slip went to a kiddo's birthday party. <BR> of course, ate everything in sight. probably well in excess of 2500K (closer to 3K) <BR> right now it doesn't bother me somehow. First of all, i had a fairly small brunch before that, second of all, i know my next meal will be sometime tomorrow around 10-11am, and i'll be on my treadmill as soon as the kids fall asleep. <BR> i really WAS very good this past week and i WILL but burn it off, not to mention that i am waaay in advance of my workout minutes... Sat, 8 Jan 2011 19:30:27 EST beer belly So, ever since i started working out a month ago, now i have a reasonable amount of belly muscle. with a FAT LAYER on top of it. it sticks out even more. wtf?.. <BR> also, sadly enough, NOTHING fits looser. NOTHING. <BR> i did start tracking calories only this week..... <BR> <BR> on the upside, hubby joined me today--he watched entire District 9 while walkig on the treadmill. i am SO proud. <BR> Thu, 6 Jan 2011 22:36:13 EST uuugh! got upset at work--and as usual, remembered why i overeat. When i get stressed, i get VORACIOUSLY hungry and i eat everythign in sight. and then i crash. and then i have no energy at all.. <BR> it's only 1pm. i already ate more than 2/3rds of my calorie allowance for the day.... <BR> aaaagh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thu, 6 Jan 2011 12:57:12 EST I am BAAAACK! so, after a yearly hiatus when i have TOTALLY failed --and i mean totally--I am back. <BR> the failure of the last year was--too many darn things to worry about. We moved from the city to a DEEEP suburbia. we bought a house. i changed jobs. endless circuit of all kinds of things, stress, adjustment, whatever. I didn't care for a waistline and guess what--i piled on 10-15 more pounds. So now i have a privilege of weighing as much as my 6'4 husband did when we met, which is frigging RIDICULOUS ... Wed, 5 Jan 2011 09:58:01 EST it's been almost 2 months. i'm screwed. <BR> whatever 10 lbs i managed to lose by sparking in october-november--regained. <BR> feel awful <BR> really awful. <BR> can't get back on track despite continuously seeking motivation. <BR> hubby bought me a swimsuit (onepiece), and i have ROLLS of fat sticking out of all sides, and to add insult to injury i have a waist-less figure so i look like a michelin man or pillsbury dough boy (you pick). <BR> help?... <BR> heeelp?.. <BR> anyone out there?.... <BR> <em>46</em> Thu, 14 Jan 2010 11:12:30 EST ok this totally sucked So, thanxgiving has come and gone. <BR> along with it came back like 4 lbs. not gone yet. <BR> i don't know what came over me. all i wanted to do was stuff my face. didn't help that stuffing was delicious (pork sausage, cornbread, apples, celery and sauteed onions), that turkey was perfectly salted (brine with brown sugar and worcestershire sauce helped!). And i fell off the wagon. and ENJOYED falling--didn't exercise, didn't log calories, nothing for a good few days. <BR> but now i'm back. ... Mon, 30 Nov 2009 21:03:57 EST setback. Oh Lordy Lordy Lordy. I've fallen off the wagon. Between the unending crap at work and thanksgiving cooking, i've been eating more than i should and not exercising. Yesterday i had a total binge--and i binged on, of all things, PORK SAUSASGE! u know, the kind you make stuffing with. And I made killer stuffing--pork sausage, cornbread, sauteed onions, apples and celery. But, of course, before i actually put stuffing together i stuffed my face with sausage. I just felt so bad and so anxious th... Wed, 25 Nov 2009 23:58:07 EST more musings and ramblings i find that whenever i try to monitor my calorie count--it turns into an obsession. I start shopping for obscure ingredients, I actually cook (which i don't usually do, being content with stuffing my face with sandwiches from whatever my DH managed to scrounge in a store). Overall, i feel that the accountability and focus on health makes me a better person and a happier person. <BR> oh, and since my knee is not allowing me to do any sort of strenuous activity, i sorta danced for 20 minutes,... Sat, 14 Nov 2009 22:05:23 EST spa day For my birthday this year i got a spa-certificate. Figured today was as good of a day as any other one to spend it down, so i scheduled myself for a 90 minute swedish massage. And it was AWESOME. Even my kinked-out neck has a better range of motion. I think i will definitely be coming back. Sat, 14 Nov 2009 19:58:40 EST sucking on a can of diet coke, musing about my life.... Yeah yeah, i know coke is bad for you and i feel my bones dissolving as i'm swallowing this vile phosphoric acid- laden concoction down my throat, but right this second i just don't care. <BR> I've been keeping my diet thing for 3.5 weeks now, with VERY FEW SLIP-UPS. And, you know, it works. i'm about 10 lbs down, my brand new jeans that i bought right before i started calorie-counting (cute ones from Dana Buchman for Kohl's, only 20 bucks!!!!) are ALREADY too big on me. And, most important... Fri, 13 Nov 2009 13:44:30 EST went to dinner. Ok, all the day i was saving up for this, having only a lowfat yogurt for lunch and a snack of a veggie samosa thing and an apple. <BR> Got there--had 1 mixed drink <BR> 1 small crab cake (all crab, no breading really) and 1 shrimp appetizer <BR> mesclun salad <BR> <BR> AND THEN I LOST IT. <BR> REALLY. <BR> <BR> it completely did NOT occur to me that I DID NOT HAVE TO SCARF DOWN THE ENTIRE FILET MIGNON ON MY PLATE! <BR> <BR> it was heavenly. rare. delicious and juicy. i couldn't stop. real... Tue, 10 Nov 2009 23:11:57 EST incoherent ramblings last time i tried to lose weight was in 2006. my starting point was just about where i am right now after 3 weeks of counting calories. that sorta sucks because i swore that i'll never go back up there again, and i went and i went over by about 10 lbs.... <BR> My body allows me to carry a ton of weight without looking like a complete blob, but even with that it felt so good to have lost enough to walk by Lane Bryant store and think "i'm never going to need to shop there again!" Well, i kind... Mon, 9 Nov 2009 09:55:46 EST Gin Miller is kicking my booty Ok, weather sux lately, rainy and by the time i get home--it's too dark outside to go and walk (which used to be my go-to exercise back 3 years ago when i yet again tried to lose weight). So, i decided to go to another exercise--dusted off my trusty StepReebok bench (which, by the way has been one of the better 35 bucks i ever spent--yes, i bought it used off craigslist!) and dug around to find matching StepReebok DVD. FYI, this is the original step workout and THE BEST. Instructions are com... Wed, 28 Oct 2009 23:09:18 EST i have an idea! told DH that if i ever hit 150 lbs, he is taking me to Brasil and Argentina. <BR> he said he'll be ecstatically happy to do that. <BR> uuu, Brasil, with its' pristine beaches and lovely music..... <BR> Mon, 26 Oct 2009 00:04:04 EST the cost of fat. So, after the birth of my kids i was really lucky--about 1 month after they were born i was only about 6-7 over where i was BEFORE i got pregnant. After that I proceeded to gain all the weight that i lost BEFORE i got pregnant (let me tell ya, breastfeeding is a bitch 'cause it revved up my appetite and i couldn't control it anymore). So, i piled on about 35 lbs. <BR> Let's do some math. <BR> 35 lbs at 3500 cal per pound=122500 calories! These are ALL THE EXTRA CALORIES THAT I PUT INTO MY BO... Thu, 22 Oct 2009 23:48:26 EST exercise guilted myself into trying to do crunches. <BR> 1 minute latermy butt/lower back hurts and i'm DONE. i HATE it. <BR> safest way for me exercise-wise is getting outside and walking for an hour, but before i used to live in the nice and bustling place, and now in order to get anywhere crowded i have to go through either a park or a stretch along the cemetery. Somehow walking is no longer appealing. besides, i come home frequently by 7pm and can't muster any sort of energy to do any sort of ex... Mon, 19 Oct 2009 23:32:32 EST Guilt Spark message board is like a one giant overbearing ________mother (insert nationality of choice--whether be italian, jewish, or some other flavor). The message strings with stuff like: 15 min of cleanup challenge, 8 glasses of water per day challenge, no food after 8pm challenge. Holy crap, is it even possible to do all those challenges? Somehow even just a listing of all those things is enough to make me feel guilty. Not to mention that I feel guilty about not exercising--guess i'm just wa... Mon, 19 Oct 2009 20:50:53 EST whoa, you mean actually someone read my ramblings???? now that's a surprise. even though i didn't set any privacy modes, HOPING that someone will want to read it. <BR> Well, as you may have figured out, this is not my first foray into trying to lose weight. The last time came just about 3 years ago, when i managed to lose 40 lbs through meticulous calorie counting and lots of walking and practically no stress. At the time the list of motivators (or rather consequences of not following through with taking care of myself) were these: <BR> <BR> ... Sat, 17 Oct 2009 23:23:57 EST i am too embarrassed to weigh myself. seriously. <BR> i have no idea how much i weigh--i figure it's somewhere around 245-250 and lord knows i don't want to know anymore. <BR> sizewise, i kept deluding myself into thinging that i'm about size 16. well, guess what--i've long migrated into W category, and 16W is quite tight on me. i don't fit into any of my pretty clothes. Yesterday i went through the closet and put my dresses and smaller bras away for the better times. I refuse to part with them, hoping that someday i get to put o... Sat, 17 Oct 2009 13:48:29 EST