PERSEPHONE19839's SparkPeople Blog PERSEPHONE19839's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community New houseness We are done moving!! Over all the move went quick, we signed the lease mon night and were out of the other house sat night. Now I get to work on unpacking everything. I think once I get a book shelf for my room it will go quicker. <BR> <BR> As for my weight loss, even with all the junk food and fast food I ate over the past week or so, I only gained two pounds. I expected to gain quite a bit more! <BR> <BR> My mom went to the doctor yesterday, they found damage to her heart. She has to los... Wed, 3 Apr 2013 10:02:09 EST Moving... So we are moving, like we signed the lease on mon, we will be done and gone by sat. With all the packing and trips back and forth I am forgetting to eat. I am eating so little im afraid it will effect my weight loss. I got on the scale tonight, and it said 253. Granted I was wearing jeans with a ton of coins in the pockets, but still. Thats such a step backwards for me :( Thu, 28 Mar 2013 01:16:02 EST Weekends suck I did not do well this weekend. I did however do better then I used to. I ate sweet things (my husband got cakes) but I ate smaller amounts. I am eating smaller amounts of everything now. <BR> <BR> I need to remember to eat in the morning, so I dont end up rushing to eat SOMETHING in the middle of the afternoon like I have the past two days. <BR> <BR> I am waiting to hear if we have gotten the house we applied for on fri. I am scared we wont. Im so torn between calling her, and letting it ... Mon, 25 Mar 2013 10:08:58 EST Any motivation is good, right? So I really started trying to lose this excess weight in the past two or so weeks. Before that I really had the "eh I screwed up today anyways, re-set tomorrow!" frame of mind. Two weeks ago I had a really, really bad dream. I was cleaning the living room, and my two younger boys were playing, and I felt a weight hit my chest. From this point on in the dream I was watching from above. I collapsible on the floor while my boys watched. They spent the rest of the body playing around my dead body... Wed, 20 Mar 2013 14:23:16 EST I feel good, nanananana <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I feel so super motivated right now. I have lost an inch all over (arms, legs, belly, hips) and 4 inches from my bra band size. I have also lost 4 lbs. <BR> <BR> I am not sure if I feel better and more motivated because I am over "the hump" of the first few days of dieting, or if these losses are making me feel motivated. <BR> <BR> Then again, does it really matter? Mon, 18 Mar 2013 21:58:22 EST I think this is the only time losing is good..... I lost!!!!! My lack of loss is over (I think). <BR> <BR> Funny story. So last fri I was weighting myself for the weight in for my sparkteam. I step on the scale it said 238!!! I was like wtf, really. I try again, 240. I think ahhh ok, my scale battery is going dead. I lift up my scale and under the scale was a baby carrot. I put the scale back down (not ON the carrot this time) and it read the same weight. Made me sad and laugh all at once, lol. Mon, 18 Mar 2013 09:02:01 EST This is really hard :/ Im hungry, like really hungry. But I have like 100 calories left in my "range". I know this part of losing weight sucks, and I know it passes, but it is SO hard right now. ugh Sat, 16 Mar 2013 22:17:34 EST Why is this so hard?? Why is losing weight so hard for me. Am I making it hard on myself? Is my husband making it harder for me? Is my body just fubar? Even with willpower I am having such a hard time. I am not losing, and that makes me feel like it is all for nothing, and that makes me want to over eat. I make good choices, I just dont know why this is so hard. Thu, 14 Mar 2013 08:53:08 EST Another week of no weight loss Im really starting to get discouraging. My weight wens of last week was 250.4. My weight this morning was 250.2. I wish I could figure out what is going on. Mon, 11 Mar 2013 07:56:42 EST Orange crushes and bacon cheese fries So my ASL teacher (I am in school to become an interpreter) has a meet up every wens. He is deaf, many of his friends are deaf. I went last night, and I am SO sick now. <BR> <BR> I ate before I left (homemade meat loaf, normal sized pile of mashed potato and some fruit)because I know there was nothing on that menu that was good for a diet. I ended up choosing to over eat. Bacon grilled cheese called my name and made me its b&$#@. I say choosing to over eat because I need to own up to my cho... Thu, 7 Mar 2013 10:08:48 EST I fell, but I will still get up So my kids got my husbands cheesecake out of the fridge, and ate it, well most of it. As I was cleaning up the rest of it I was sticking bites in my mouth. I did not even think, I just did it. It was less then a "normal" size slice, but Im SO frustrated with myself for it. I did not give in to my cravings for sweets or more food last night when I could not sleep at 2 am, and then I go and do this. It was mindless, my "monkey brain" has not caught up to my new, improved brain. <BR> <BR> I am ... Wed, 6 Mar 2013 14:13:38 EST Food = my drug of choice I am in the process of school to (I think) become a counselor, hopefully for families with children with special needs. We were talking about mental illness, and drug addiction. My teacher was saying that people use drugs or drink was a way to deal with feelings they can not adequately express ,or to help with mental illnesses, as in self medicating. <BR> <BR> I use food to self medicate. I don't use drugs, and I don't drink (not often anyways). I use foods to try to quiet the voice inside ... Tue, 5 Mar 2013 16:05:09 EST One day at a time...... One day at a time is how I need to approach my weight loss. I have gotten on track during the day. I no longer over eat during the day, and have learned to listen to my body as to when it is full. I am still working on night times. Dinner I am fine with, it is after dinner, when my husband wants sweets that I have an issue. I stopped at one cake (little debbie) last night. But then an hour later I was hungry again and ate hummus with pita chips. Granted it was a better choice then cookies, bu... Mon, 4 Mar 2013 08:26:16 EST Clean......ish I have 99% of my house clean. I say 99% because there is always a spot that gets messed up when I am cleaning the others. I feel more able to tackle weight loss when my house is clean and organized. I was never taught as a child HOW to clean. I know how silly it sounds, you just do it! But it is not that easy for me. I have ADD, so once I get distracted I have a very hard time going back to what I was doing before, add that to having 3 kids and it is a giant mess. I get overwhelmed easily, b... Wed, 27 Feb 2013 13:48:25 EST Being ok with who I am I have been trying my whole adult life to lose weight. Never for health, as I have never had any health problems., but because "they" say I should. "They" are the media, clothing manufactures, etc. My husband met me when I was about 220 lbs, and has never stopped loving me, or wanting me. He has at times asked me NOT to lose weight, because he likes plumpy. <BR> <BR> So one night I was laying in bed and could not sleep (this happens WAY TOO OFTEN, ugh) and I was thinking, wtf am I trying t... Mon, 25 Feb 2013 07:46:05 EST Last nights blog! I am going to focus on the good of yesterday. I did not over eat. I went out of my way NOT to over eat. I climbed 5 flights of stairs and went back down. <BR> <BR> I went to be early, woke up early, and did not go back to bed after the oldest went to school. I ate oatmeal for breakfast, rather then skipping it and binging later. I filled my water bottle and it is already half gone. I have shepherds pie planned for dinner. <BR> <BR> I still need to clean the living room and make dinner befo... Tue, 5 Feb 2013 07:48:16 EST One rock as a BIG boulder :/ So picture me going along with my day (yes, I always where a pink bunny suit, what of it) tracking my stuff, being all proud of myself. Then dinner comes, and I make dinner from scrach for my family and BLAM, big boulder in my path. Why you ask? Because once I get off track the least bit I get SO lost. I cant find my way back to the happy path of tracking because how do I know if its ok to eat X later, when I dont know how much Y was worth? <BR> <BR> Im torn between just putting in what I *t... Tue, 22 Jan 2013 10:11:04 EST Gonna be less pooh sized! So we are done having children. Well, my husband is, I'm not, but he is. Some days I'm ok with this, but some times I just cant handle it. This leads to me crying, and blah blah blah. So somehow one of these nights of my crying lead to our talking about the future, and the fact that I feel like I have nothing to plan for now that the kids are getting older. So this all lead to......... <BR> <BR> WE ARE GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!!!! <BR> <img src=" Mon, 21 Jan 2013 05:30:26 EST Yo-Yo Like a Yo-Yo I go! I spent a few days at my sisters house, and that was hard on me. I did not over eat as much as I thought I would while I was there, but I did on the way back. <BR> <BR> I am also finding that my emotions play a LARGE part in my eating. I thought I have put this behind me months and months ago, but apparently not. I feel bad about myself, or something in my life, and I end up eating pasta with garlic bread, and I feel worse about myself. I had to break that cycle tonight, ... Mon, 7 Jan 2013 02:15:41 EST Day one mind spew So I am starting over again (like 100th time I think). It was nice to see a change in myself during my weight loss chunk last time. I took time off for the holidays, and did not end up gaining anything. I have been hovering around 245 now for about 2 months. I would really, really like to get under 200 this year. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I made this dream board this week, to use as my desktop background. It has different dreams... Wed, 2 Jan 2013 01:25:12 EST