PENNI68's SparkPeople Blog PENNI68's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community When did I become Food's Victim? It's funny, had you asked me about 15 years ago if food would have taken over my life and become an obsession and I would be 80lbs. overweight, I would have laughed. I was strong-willed, active, could eat anything I wanted and really didn't give food a second thought. I certainly did not sit and obsess over it for hours a day, like I do now. <BR> I would give others crap if they did not take charge of their own destiny or if they played the victim about their circumstances. Where did that gi... Wed, 4 Feb 2015 20:45:57 EST Vote for SPARK PEOPLE!!! I saw this blog in my daily email and "borrowed" it to share with all my friends!! I think it would be great for Spark People to win, they sooooo deserve it for all they do for us everyday!! <BR> <BR> The software provider Intuit is giving one small business a TV commercial on the 2014 Big Game. It's the world's biggest stage, and a lucky small business could be on it right beside some of the biggest brands. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> I think that SparkPeople should take the spotlight in the Fe... Wed, 25 Sep 2013 07:46:50 EST WOW.... I had an amazing ride to work this morning! Do you ever feel like your always rushing from here to there and never really take the time out to notice the beauty around you? I always feel rushed and compelled to move quickly from one thing to the next, but this morning was a little different. <BR> <BR> I left my house and it looked a bit dreary with some sun trying to peak through, and I thought oh well more rain today...but as I drove into work (I live in the country) the sky was very dark ... Fri, 14 Oct 2011 08:06:02 EST New Wedding Photos Hi all, haven't had much time to be on here lately and I know a few of you have been asking me about here they are!! <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <img src=" Sun, 28 Aug 2011 19:25:26 EST Wedding w/Pics The wedding was gorgeous, perfect weather, beautiful day and a lovely couple!! <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> More to come when I get some more and have a bit more time!! Thanks everyone for the well wishes and for asking about the wedding. My stepson is a very happy man!!! Wed, 27 Jul 2011 14:52:13 EST Last night I cried... Last night I cried…. <BR> <BR> At first I was not even sure why and then I realized I am lonely. I miss my mother and I miss having a best friend, someone to talk to about anything and everything. I mean isn’t that every little girls dream, to have a friend you can share your whole life with, talk to about anything, trust completely?? I have had friends that I thought were my best friend only to trust them and get hurt terribly by them. Now I have a hard time trusting people in general. It w... Wed, 25 May 2011 11:03:04 EST 50 Questions Thursday, April 28, 2011 <BR> 50 questions about me and you can copy and paste and answer too. <BR> <BR> A little show n tell in regards to likes: <BR> <BR> 1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? <BR> Not to my knowledge <BR> <BR> 2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? <BR> April 21 <BR> <BR> 3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? <BR> Not too much anymore, it seems to get worse the older I get ...LOL <BR> <BR> 4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? <BR> Chicken <BR> <BR> 5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? <B... Thu, 28 Apr 2011 13:14:18 EST Binge! Well I had a binge last night for some reason, I still can't figure out exactly why. I think it has to do with the anniversary of my mothers death and the pressure I have put on myself to lose weight before my stepsons wedding in July. I wanted to lose 40 lbs. I have only lost 3 lbs! What a joke. I get myself so stressed out when I feel under pressure that I just seem to do worse so what is the sense of time limits anyways...they just make me feel worse about myself. <BR> I felt so hungry wh... Tue, 26 Apr 2011 10:07:47 EST Mom April 19th - You should have been 64 years old today. <BR> <BR> April 20th - Cancer took you from us - 5 years ago on this date. <BR> <BR> I miss you, more than I ever thought possible, more than I ever could have imagined. Life will never be the same without you. My best friend, my confidante, the only person in the world who accepted me for ME! I miss you mom, you were a blessing and I was lucky to have you! <BR> <BR> I love you! Tue, 19 Apr 2011 12:28:05 EST Three Things About Me I've seen this on SEVERAL of my friend's pages and thought I would give it a try! Enjoy! <BR> <BR> <BR> THREE THINGS ABOUT ME...... (Then it's YOUR turn!) <BR> <BR> It's fun to learn different things about our friends.... <BR> <BR> <BR> Places I have lived: <BR> 1. Queensbury, NY <BR> 2. Gansevoort, NY <BR> 3. Argyle, NY <BR> <BR> Places I have worked: <BR> 1. Bank <BR> 2. City /Municipality <BR> 3. Trade/Vocational School <BR> <BR> Places I have been: <BR> 1. Myrtle Beach, ... Mon, 28 Mar 2011 09:42:29 EST Time to get honest! I have been spending some more time on this site lately and after seeing how much hard work some of you are putting in and seeing the results that your getting, I realized it is time to start getting honest with myself. <BR> I have never put the time and effort into myself that is required for me to be successful at weight loss and healthy living. I seem to always give it a 50% effort and not much more than that and then mope and pout and cry because I am so fat while others are thin or are ... Tue, 22 Mar 2011 12:22:19 EST Sparked Friends Today one of my teams gave the challenge to write a blog, so here I am. I love meeting those small daily challenges it really makes me feel as if I have accomplished something at the end of every day! So thanks team!! <BR> <BR> I read a blog from a "sparked" friend of mine earlier today and she was apologizing to her friends on spark because she is having a hard time in her life and will not be as active on spark for awhile. It blew my mind that she is the one going through a difficult time... Thu, 10 Mar 2011 12:22:32 EST Did I screw up me streak? Do I have to start over? Well I have been trying to do a 28 day streak of sticking to exercising and staying within my calories and logging what I eat everyday. Today is day 12 and I screwed up on Day 11. I emotionally ate last night and went over my calories for the day!! <em>46</em> ...I am so mad at myself right now!! But I am not sure, as I have never done a streak before, do I give up and start over or do I consider it an ooppssyy, I logged it, count it as being human and having a bad day and continue on my str... Fri, 11 Feb 2011 08:17:07 EST Still Streakin' I am on day 11 of my 28 day streak!! Yehhh....gettin closer everyday ;) <BR> For the most part I have been doing fine. I am a bit worried about next week as we are bringing home a new puppy and I am off work for the week so I will be staying home to take care of her. This is when I get the munchies and eat out of boredom. So I have to make myself stay focused and stay behaved, and keep busy. Shouldn't be too hard to stay busy with 3 dogs all aged 1 and under....eeeekkkk...what am I thinking??... Thu, 10 Feb 2011 09:48:17 EST Streak I am trying to do my first streak. 28 days of where I eat within my calorie range and exercise at least 5 days a week. Day 7 of the streak and still going!! I know, I know, it is only 7 days but hey that means only 21 to go!! Sun, 6 Feb 2011 19:21:44 EST Yippeee!!! Isn't it funny that when our kids are doing great, that makes us feel great as well!! My son had a terrible past couple of weeks and it affected me wicked. But this weeks things are improving for him and with that my mood is improving as well. He is a wonderful boy and he is now officially a college graduate with a four year degree in EXERCISE SCIENCE!!! Yep I said it, exercise science, can you imagine, I am fighting my weight and my kid studies nutrition and exercise for a living!! LOL...he... Mon, 31 Jan 2011 11:31:57 EST What to do? I have been on this website for years, but only seriously started using it last February, where I lost 20 lbs, probably by July...since then I have stayed with a fluctuation up and down of about a pound or two. I really need to get back to my motivation and start losing again as I really want to lose 40 lbs by July for my stepson's wedding. Everytime I think of it though I stress myself all out and what do I do when stressed...I eat!! I am so disgusted with myself right now for doing so well ... Fri, 21 Jan 2011 12:19:22 EST Raise the Roof or Let it Cave in??? It's out of my hands... So as luck would have it, Mother Nature paid a visit to my home on Weds. with a wicked wind storm that tore all of the shingles off my roof, ripped the facia off my house, ripped the shed roof off....caused water damage on the ceilings and floors inside of my house....knocked over my dog kennel, destroyed my gas grill....the list goes on and on. <BR> The beauty of this, is the insurance adjuster arrives the very next day and is very nice and it seems like they will cover most of the damage b... Fri, 3 Dec 2010 13:27:27 EST Does everyone have an Ah-Ha Moment?? Seriously what's it gonna take?! Does everyone have one of those Ah-Ha moments, where suddenly you just know that beyond any reasonable doubt that you absolutely HAVE to finally lose this weight??? When you stop making excuses and totally 100% committ to yourself because you were somehow enlightened that this NEEDED to be done NOW! Well WHERE IS MINE? I really need it!! I just saw pictures of myself at a recent party I attended and "OH DEAR GOD, IS THAT REALLY ME???!!!!............Honestly, even after losing 20 lbs. I stil... Thu, 11 Nov 2010 17:26:11 EST I lost my heart I just noticed that my last blog was about life changes and death and now here I am again such a short time later writing once again about a sudden loss. This one took my heart. My sweet lil dog had to be put to sleep on Sept. 30th, she was the daughter I was never medically able to have and she was my heart! It amazes me the complete sense of loss and devastation you can feel over the loss of a pet. If your not an animal lover I guess you will never know, lucky you! It's terrible not to wan... Mon, 4 Oct 2010 11:25:41 EST Reality Sometimes life gives us a big reality check! It seems as we age we begin to lose those family members who were our mentors and our guides through life at a rapidly increasing pace. It is a sad but brutal truth about life. It is such a weird thing to be watching your children grow and excel and celebrate in their lives and the richness they bring to ours and at the same time, have to keep saying goodbye to those very people that cheered you on and celebrated with you as you grew up. The older ... Tue, 17 Aug 2010 10:10:18 EST Panic attack......turned into spreading the spark!! I recently joined a 12 week "Nutrition Class" and attended my first meeting Tuesday night. You get weighed and supposedly measured (I didn't)....and then you are in competition with the others in the group to see who can lose the most weight in 12 weeks and you can win money. I was all excited and pumped up about these classes, but was not very impressed with the first one. It is put on by Herbalife, and although I think I can learn some nutritional stuff from this, I don't think I would have... Thu, 12 Aug 2010 13:49:00 EST Borrowed.....Who's Next.....The ABC's of me. A - Available or married? Married <BR> B- Book? Twilight Series <BR> C- Cake or Pie? Cake <BR> D- Drink of Choice? Pepsi or 0 Calorie Vitamin Water <BR> E- Essential Item? Pocketbook <BR> F- Favorite Color? Red <BR> G- Game to play or watch? Play - volleyball - Watch - baseball <BR> F&#8232;H- Hometown? Queensbury, NY <BR> I- Indulgence? Chocolate <BR> J- Job? Secretarial <BR> K- Kids and names? Stepson - Josh 27yrs........Son - Jeremy - 22yrs. <BR> L- Life is incomplete without? My fa... Tue, 10 Aug 2010 12:34:27 EST Who Am I? I have been asking myself this question alot lately! It seems that while taking care of my husband and my son, friends coming and going out of my life, my mother's death to cancer and life happening I seemed to forget who I was. Now that my son is grown and away in college and my mother is gone I question who I am sometimes. I am no longer my mother's daughter and am not as needed by my son, my husband has even become more independent. I keep thinking that losing this weight will get me back ... Tue, 3 Aug 2010 10:19:41 EST Weekend What a wonderful weather weekend we just had!! Perfect, I loved it!! Mon, 2 Aug 2010 12:29:15 EST Being Active to Feel Good! I have been trying to make myself be active for at least 10-20 minutes every day when I get out of work. It has been good!! I feel better, I have more energy and I usually end up being active for longer than I planned on which is a good thing!! I know that I feel better when I make my body move and although my back hurts a bit, overall I feel good! Now to carry it through the weekend! Here we go!! <BR> Fri, 30 Jul 2010 11:18:03 EST Uh Oh.....Doing it again! Blogging for points that is!! Have a great day everyone!! <BR> <em>213</em> <em>334</em> Wed, 28 Jul 2010 12:43:42 EST Blogging for Points!! Today I am blogging for points!! <em>334</em> Have a great day all!!! Tue, 27 Jul 2010 13:02:48 EST Planning I have lost a total of 16 pounds since beginning this weight loss journey once again, but seem to be stuck at that number. That is not good as I want to lose at least 57 more pounds, but would love to lose 67 more lbs. in total. Uugghh...I need to really start getting serious about this and start planning better, when I plan my meals and lunches I do really well, when I don't, I do really bad. I need to start taking the time for me and actually sitting down and planning my days, where to fit ... Mon, 26 Jul 2010 09:25:04 EST Ready for the Weekend! Very happy to see the weekend fast approaching, can't wait to get it started! Fri, 23 Jul 2010 11:48:17 EST A bathing suit in front of people..........eeeeeekkkkkkkkkk!!!!!!!!!!! I have been working harder this week on trying to be more positive and thankful for all the good things in my life. I actually put on a bathing suit and went in my swimming pool in front of people for the first time in many years! It felt good to just let myself relax and enjoy those around me instead of focusing every minute on what I looked like in that suit. I have to force myself everyday to be more positive and to not let my negative self talk or my bad feelings take over. It is a challe... Wed, 21 Jul 2010 08:54:36 EST Not doing good I have not been doing very good at following my plan for the past couple of weeks and the scale is going to show it, I just know it will. I think it has alot to do with what I wrote about on my blog from yesterday. The Emotional BLAH's. I feel in a rut all the time lately! I really need to start being thankful for all the good in my life and all of my blessings and stop focusing on the negative!!! That is my goal for next week, to start focusing a bit more on the positive! Fri, 16 Jul 2010 13:01:50 EST Emotional Blah's It just hit me the other day that it has been a very long time since I felt really happy inside. I mean really happy deep down with my life. It is strange to feel down so much, like I am having emotional blah's or something. I can't think of how to explain it. I use to be a very upbeat, outgoing, positive and happy person. Now I am more down and negative and keep to myself kind of a person. It is soooo not who I really am inside. I just know that until I lose this weight, I don't see these b... Thu, 15 Jul 2010 11:53:10 EST Big Bucks Finding it hard to get time to get onto spark during the day lately as it is wicked busy this time of year, which I love don't get me wrong the days fly by. But having dial-up internet at home hinders me from getting online there b/c it takes forever for anything to load and would take me an hour just to track my food for the day. Seriously thinking I am going to have to come up with the big bucks needed to get high speed internet at my house so I can keep up with my program, just not sure wh... Wed, 14 Jul 2010 07:58:13 EST WhooooHoooooo As of 3:30pm today I am on vacation for a week!!! Yehhhh.......wish I could say I was going somewhere tropical or fun, but I am having a sta-cation again this year. Got some great day things planned though including having lunch with a few of my 518 spark buddies, meeting one of them for the first time and looking forward to it, our fearless leader!! Also looking forward to not having to get up in the morning. I do have to work the second job a couple of evenings........but I will take what I... Fri, 2 Jul 2010 09:43:07 EST Jobs I can't wait for the day when I can work just one job! That day will be a blessing!! Thu, 1 Jul 2010 14:33:46 EST Positive attitude! I am feeling better today and trying to keep a more positive attitude about my weightloss. I wish I felt this way everyday, some energy and a good positive attitude. Some days I am so down and other days like today I feel great. I know my moods and my energy are based on what and how I ate the day before. I am going to have to watch this and see, if I eat junk I feel like junk, if I eat good (like I did yesterday), I feel good the next day. <BR> Hmmmmmm........interesting. Wed, 30 Jun 2010 10:00:54 EST Bad Girl I was a bad girl and snuck in a few pieces of cheese over the past few days and boy am I paying for it last night and today. I guess when the doc says no dairy, he really means it hah??!!! <BR> Stupid me!!! I learned my lesson this time for sure!! <BR> I ate bad the past few days anyways and have been sliding off track a little bit, but now that I know I probably will never be able to eat much dairy again, i need to really reconfigure my eating plan. I was unaware of how much of my protein... Tue, 29 Jun 2010 10:20:05 EST New Friends I was very fortunate to be able to meet a few of my team members the other evening and chat for awhile. It was great to put names with faces and see everyone and to hear how they are progressing and what they are doing to be successful! I have a great support group in the team 518, and am very blessed to be able to call these ladies my new friends!!! Thanks for the support and encouragement that you all give me on this difficult journey, I appreciate each and every one of you!!! <em>247</em>... Mon, 28 Jun 2010 11:36:37 EST Friday Soooooo happy that it is Friday........I need a vacation bad!! Fri, 25 Jun 2010 10:02:37 EST Isn't if funny... Isn't it funny that you can get out of bed in the morning feeling great about your progress and thinking that your looking a little bit better everyday and then someone shows you a recent picture taken of yourself and you immediately start crying. Well it really wasn't funny, it was actually painful and has ruined my mood for days now. I guess I need to make the decision to either keep broading over it, or pick myself up and be proud of the sixteen pounds I have lost and keep at the work of t... Wed, 23 Jun 2010 10:52:36 EST Panic This morning I felt in a bit of a panic because I felt as if I was losing control of my eating again. But then I came to work and signed on to SPARK and remembered that I can do this!! I just have to pick myself up and get back on track and instead of letting my bad few days ruin all my progress I am going to pick myself up and get going again. <BR> Usually when I start to panic I eat everything in sight and blow it, and I did allow myself to do that for a few days, but today is a new day and... Tue, 22 Jun 2010 11:52:33 EST Need to step it up! I guess I need to step it up here a little bit. I tend to get a little bit complacent when the scale is going down and I am not giving it 100%, then I get a little too over confident and blow it by eating too much. So last week I regained a pound because I threw caution to the wind and was hungry like heck every single day it seemed. Now this week I have to refocus and get my water in and get myself back on track again. <BR> Time to get back at it, NO EXCUSES!! Mon, 21 Jun 2010 12:32:03 EST Thinking I should exercise I need to form some kind of an exercise plan. It is the one area that I really need to get motivated in. I have lost 16 lbs. since beginning my weight loss journey (10 of that with spark!) and although it has been a slow moving process (about 19-20 wks), at least I am losing and sticking with it. I do have days where I still eat badly and I know in my own mind I will never be a "healthy" eater as I don't care for veggies, but I have made some good improvements and just watching my portions ha... Fri, 18 Jun 2010 09:48:29 EST Hungry Oh my goodness, yesterday was one of those days when I just could not seem to fill up. I felt hungry every minute of the day yesterday. I hate those days, no matter what or how much you eat u still just feel hungry hungry hungry. Hoping tonight will not be a repeat of last night and if it is, I WILL exercise self control tonight, not allow it to happen like last night. <BR> Working late anyways so that is a plus!! <BR> Thu, 17 Jun 2010 12:52:18 EST Blogging for points Just blogging for points today. Can't wait for a get together with some pals from the 518! Looking forward to some sunshine hopefull this weekend!! <BR> Wed, 16 Jun 2010 14:07:21 EST Happy I was happy to get on the scale this morning and see I was down .5 lbs. I know it's only a half a pound but I will go down anytime before going up!!! LOL....Anyways....looking forward to having a great week and trying to stay positive and have a good outlook on the slowness of this journey. Mon, 14 Jun 2010 10:16:32 EST A slap in the head! I have been boo-hooing and down since a couple of weeks ago, all because I saw myself in recent photos that were taken of me. Today I complained to a friend of mine about that, she is a bit older than me, and she said to me, "You know as you get older your happy to have any body to live in as long as it is heatlhy, you stop worrying so much about what it looks like and just start being thankful that you have one that is healthy enough to keep you going!" It was like getting a slap in the head... Thu, 10 Jun 2010 10:13:05 EST Pictures It amazes me that I can get up in the morning get dressed for the day and not feel too bad about myself, but then someone has to come along with their damn camera and ruin my day!! I don't understand why it is that I feel like I look two times bigger in pics than I THINK I look in the mirror in the morning. Just seeing a picture of myself has the power to set me into a terrible funk, a bad mood and a grouchy B*^#ch for the rest of the day!!! UUUGGHHHHH!!!! What don't people understand about ... Wed, 9 Jun 2010 13:49:46 EST Mindset Oh my goodness, my last blog sounded so down and negative. It is hard for me when I am around other women who are super confident and like to show off what they have....but I have to stop letting that beat me into the ground. <BR> I am feeling better today, more positive, just wishing this weight would come off at a faster pace. I need to get back in the slow and steady wins the race mindset. <BR> Have a great weekend everyone!! <BR> Fri, 4 Jun 2010 09:42:27 EST