PENDULA's SparkPeople Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=PENDULA PENDULA's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community SparkPeople.com http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ Away I go http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5235851 Eating Atkins. Yeah, I made good strides but holy crap. My skin got dry, flaky and my face skin started to look REALLY old. Paleo diet starts tomorrow! Sun, 3 Feb 2013 14:52:27 EST Figuring it out http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5213056 So the weight loss seemed to come to a screeching halt. So I did a little research. My answer, too much dairy, too few carbs and not enough calories. My problem has been I have been under eating. Imagine that. Too little. So Time to retweak what I am eating and work at it a little more. Lets hear it for figuring it all out!!!!!!!! Fri, 18 Jan 2013 13:16:18 EST Atkins day 15 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5209938 I have been totally without a sugar craving for almost a week now. I felt stressed out and didn't feel compelled to find a chocolate bar or a bowl of cereal. I feel the best I have in years. I am still a little tired but that kind of comes with the territory. Got up, took kids to school and even hit the gym this AM. Shower will be in order soon once I stop sweating. I am hitting about 1200-1500 calories a day. I don't miss a lot of things I used to. My attitude is improving too. <BR>... Wed, 16 Jan 2013 11:40:29 EST Yep, again....and this time it's personal. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5189942 Time to hit the weight loss resolutions and this time it's personal. i no longer like the way I look, the way I feel, and my body like it is, is actually a detriment to me going forward. I am changing, even as i type this, I am changing. Down 7 pounds from my start. I need to lose 6 times that much. At least. But I am taking each step as a boon forward. Fri, 4 Jan 2013 11:50:50 EST Reset http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5147684 Yep, I seem to do that alot. About a month and a half ago I went into work. Got everything ready for my patients and was pulled aside by my supervisor to be told I was being laid off. They didn't warn the doctor I had worked with for the last 6 years or anyone else, I was replaced with 2 newer part timers so they could save on insurance and wages. I was devastated. I had lived that job since I left nursing school. My old Friends candy corn and chocolate rejoined me. I moped and muddle... Mon, 26 Nov 2012 21:46:56 EST A little thought on exercise http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5093876 So evidently work harder, not longer is the key to be protective against Metabolic syndrome. <link>www.medpagetoday.com/Cardiology/Meta<BR>bolicSyndrome/35221 </link> If that doesn't work, let me know. Multilevel trial showing low intensity exercise has almost no benefit. But high intensity has benefits galore (Their definition of high intensity was brisk walking at a minimum). Even at 20 minutes only so just a thought there. Wed, 10 Oct 2012 11:01:29 EST Time for changes http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5076084 Ok, so on my lunch today I had 3 errands (2 of which I actually got to and 1 still waiting for after work). I know chores/errands may not seem very spark worthy but here is where they play in. One of my errands was to get a choke collar for my bad boy. I am sure you may wonder if this is a bit extreme but we had to forego our morning walk today after he TORE THE D RING ON HIS COLLAR COMPLETELY OFF, yesterday during our walk. This means I missed my morning workout in part due to not having... Wed, 26 Sep 2012 17:20:21 EST Finding what moves you and more randomness. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5075030 Long, long, LONG week and it is only tuesday. Too much on my mind. Today was crazy at work. We went to 5:45 and our last patient was scheduled for 4pm. We were just that far behind and my phone would NOT stop. Really hate these kinds of days. <BR> <BR> Stress is kind of getting the better of me. Due to the rather abysmal turnout to my last few events, the bar I have hosted at says they no longer are sure EDM events are worth hosting. This comes from the bar that hosts small time rappe... Tue, 25 Sep 2012 22:10:39 EST Time to be honest.....and move forward. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5073087 Stepped on the scale this AM and it slapped me in the face. 208.2 yep that much. I felt ill. Of course metaphorically ill I had been physically Ill in the days before. Friday had fever, chills, and aches in horrible quantities. Saturday, woke with a cluster headache and had to take nausea meds just to get that under control. Made some poor choices those days and yesterday. Up 10 pounds in those 3 days. I can blame it on water weight, or ill ness but it all boils down to personal acc... Mon, 24 Sep 2012 14:19:07 EST OVer ate.....over it. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5066758 Today I totally over ate. I know I was compensating for lack of sleep with bad choices. No more today!!! I mean it.Time to stop that and move forward. Remove the trance music from the playlist, toss on the industrial and give away the remaining candy corn. I am DONE$!!!!!!!!!! The day has several more hours and I plan to embrace the remainder properly. Wed, 19 Sep 2012 17:56:59 EST Summing up my day.............really! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5065717 So I got up with plenty of time despite the fact I slept 25 minutes more than I had planned. Got in my 30 grams of protein right away. Went on my epic puppy walk of a mile and a half and got home. This is where it went downhill. Realized I still had to pack lunches. Hustled through that. Oldest boy was late to school. Got my shower realized how late I was. Got kids to school and walked through the door to work with 1 minute to spare. Our phones were all jacked up. Our patients could... Wed, 19 Sep 2012 01:04:54 EST Motivated? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5053681 Today i woke up late. Missed my exercise, realized I still had 3 lunches to pack and was out of school friendly veggies. I ate like crap today. Tomorrow will be better. Just have to get re-motivated??? This last weekend left me in a funky funk. Gotta try harder. on doesn't get what they want eating like a piggy. :( Try again tomorrow. Tue, 11 Sep 2012 00:17:38 EST Last night......where do I begin. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5051396 So I was supposed to dj at the 406 club (Local bowling alley converted into bar). Rough start. Sound guy waited till the last minute. Then one of my connectors malfunctioned so I had to go buy a new one. Then the few people who had shown up early all sat out in the parking lot and smoked(Cigarettes and other stuff) while I was dj-ing. Within 10 minutes of them coming back in the local biker gang came in and they left. Then the Bandito(gang) girlfriends started bitching that the music ma... Sun, 9 Sep 2012 18:32:00 EST Autumnal dealings http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5047208 So it is getting chilly here in the mornings, had to wear one of my longer sleeved shirts for walking this morning. Puppy and I got in a mile and a half. We have been getting at least a mile a day everyday for a bit now. It helps my moods - ALOT! <BR> So Saturday Night I hosted "Electronic Mayhem" it was an EDM night. A hefty combination of Hardstyle, Dubstep, and Industrial. Got to wear my LED Cyberfalls(Red) with my Pigtails, my Red and black corset and my fishnet shirt. Had to lay... Thu, 6 Sep 2012 14:08:14 EST Found my inspiration for now http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5027220 Sometimes you have a hard time finding something to keep you moving. This is my new thing to keep me going. Love this gal's energy. <BR> <BR> <link>youtu.be/V-EUhY9f0ng </link> <BR> <BR> Now please don't be offended by the lyrics. X-RX can occasionally drop the F-bomb. Thu, 23 Aug 2012 00:32:36 EST Seasons are changing. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5026747 I love fall, I don't know that I can say that enough. The weather is cool enough to make my morning walks totally pleasant. The weather is cool enough that my corsets aren't a sweat box, nor are my cute 40's inspired out fits. I can go dancing and have some where to step out to in order to cool off. I can sleep soundly. The trees all change. The grass has one last gasp of green before is goes brown. Also it means my playlists get more EBM vs EDMunfortunately this results in some serio... Wed, 22 Aug 2012 17:35:23 EST Motivational music http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5017446 Because the workout needs nonstop tuneage. I stumbled across this one today and It will be part of my next power walk with my dog collared bad boy <BR> <BR> <link>www.house-mixes.com/profile/donktron<BR>ik/play/hard-house-back-to-earth-mix </link> <BR> <BR> If this doesn't make you move, I have no clue what will. Thu, 16 Aug 2012 00:10:41 EST Why bad boys can be good.... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5013898 SO in my efforts to exercise and stay motivated I tend to lose my motivation. When I don't feel like moving I get sedentary and sit in front of my computer. Well since a certain new guy entered my life I get prodded when I sit at the computer. He's loud and doesn't quiet down or give up or even get mad when I don't feel motivated. He is persistent. <BR> <BR> He is super cute, but a lot of people judge him and others like him on appearances. After all they kind of have a nasty reputati... Mon, 13 Aug 2012 16:37:21 EST Running Low and SLow http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5006691 All the good intentions in the world do not replace sleep. I would kill for a Taco Bell Fresco Bean Burrito right now. So last night I went to bed about 10:30 which is monumentally early for me. At 2:30 my hubby came home from work and explained a friend had been in an altercation and was injured, shortly after that said friend showed up and thought I could put him back together. I informed him that "If he wanted to remain pretty" he would go to the ER. His eyelid was cut open nearly to ... Wed, 8 Aug 2012 13:07:29 EST Long week, longer weekend. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5003782 Officially in need of a chill out vibe. Think I need my entire trip-hop collection and dub collection poured straight through my ears into my spirit right now. My home life is relatively stable. Sleep has been interrupted for so many days running now or in short supply that I am nearing that stage where you fall asleep sitting up. New puppy (Who is cute and super sweet) wakes up several times a night and barks, and wakes me. It's like having an infant again. Some one stole my youngest... Mon, 6 Aug 2012 16:32:18 EST The oft repeated and well purloined 50 questions http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4986671 Ok, borrowing this from King Slayer and Rusuna who borrowed it from others. lol. <BR> <BR> 1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? <BR> No <BR> 2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? <BR> a few days ago <BR> <BR> 3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? <BR> Hate it, but Iam a right-y that was made a left-y so it goes to figure. <BR> <BR> 4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? <BR> I prefer spreads to meats, thanks <BR> 5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? <BR> I have 3 human kids boy age 17, girl age 12, and boy age... Wed, 25 Jul 2012 16:54:40 EST This heat is murder http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4975364 I hate the heat. It makes me reluctant and lethargic about cleaning, chores, and exercise. It also makes me fight old cravings (The mighty Ice Cream monster). No amount of water seems to reduce it either. <BR> <BR> However that said, today my resolve was good and my day tomorrow will be better still. Getting back into good habits. It is a road, I have to remind myself of that. I cannot be upset because I am not at my destination today. I must keep going. That said working on audio... Tue, 17 Jul 2012 23:07:59 EST Ok, I am still not sure what the message but I know the communication is trying to happen. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4965417 I woke up ok, Got ready, got to work, started listen to the drug rep talk and suddenly I wasn't just thirsty, I was totally parched. Since then I have drank over a liter of water and am still thirsty. I may drink my weight in water today(Hyperbolic phrase of course). Maybe it is lack of sleep, I just do not know. It's so hot here and not cooling off af night very well at all, makes it hard to sleep. It was 81 degrees at 11pm last night with 40% humidity, that is miserable. <BR> <BR> ... Wed, 11 Jul 2012 11:47:42 EST Getting it together http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4962507 This weekend I realized how badly I have been treating myself. I don't hate me. Why do I feed myself bad food?? It is interesting how addressing how others are allowed to treat you also addresses how you feel about yourself. I am trying to not eat things that make me feel like death warmed over. No more pork, period. Pigs are smart and my stomach seems to think they are a pathogen. No more! Time to eat for health of self. Also time to allow a little wiggle room. <BR> <BR> <BR> Next... Mon, 9 Jul 2012 15:54:38 EST New ideas....and re-assesment. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4891471 So I have been really out of it for a few days and took saturday as a total shut down day. To hell with everything that day and the day after. No monitoring of food. Ate like a freaking pig. Oh well. THat's over and it felt good (although my pants don't feel so good today, too tight). Now onto being back on the 4 hour body diet. I decided to add a new strategy to it. Every gram of carbohydrates I consume requires an ounce of water. This may seem over the top but I am sure it will he... Mon, 21 May 2012 14:22:32 EST Goals.........sometimes it goes beyond the scale. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4874310 This last 2 weeks have been insanely busy. This weekend was so busy I actually caught myself wonderring if I had lost my mind to make so many obligations for myself. My conclusion was that I have over extended myself beyond all reason. I was so busy with jobs 1-4 that I let a critical logic process fail and did massive damage to my event this last weekend. So it is time to re-prioritize. I mean I really have to look at all I have going on and see not only the things that contribute mone... Wed, 9 May 2012 16:47:17 EST I didn't fall off the wagon, that looked more like a barrell Roll http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4863120 Last night I had done so good all day. Then the exhaustion kicked in. I had gone and gotten pizza for the kids. And then it was on. I ate 3 pieces of Pizza and 2 churros. OMG! I doubled my daily intake there and then. Then I was exhausted, and all I wanted to do sleep. I did sleep, a lot. This cut into all my house work needs. I still have Mount St. Dishes happening in my kitchen. That will just have to wait till tonight. <BR> <BR> If the loss of house work time weren't bad... Wed, 2 May 2012 13:18:30 EST Tale of the tape and dead lines http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4855729 1st of all I hate the word deadline but i think I need to embrace it right now. Instead of the month and a half to get my weight under control I have a week from tomorrow. I saw a couple of pictures of myself from last weekend. EEEEeeeewwwwww! That's a heck of a motivator. <BR> <BR> I was getting disappointed by the numbers on the scale so I pulled out the measuring tape. That was a smart move. I have lost 3 inches off of my waist, 2 1.2 inches off of my hips and 1/2 inch off of each t... Sat, 28 Apr 2012 01:38:56 EST On track, only 43 more days http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4833860 Ok, so the last few days have offerred a number of challenges and I have managed to overcome them. I am down 6 pounds since monday. I am actually excited about tomorrow mornings' weight. I have decided that the morning of my cheat day will be my weigh in/measurement official day for each week. I mean, lets be honest I am gonna weigh daily anyway. It is a habit and one I'd like to maintain. It keeps me alert and on track. <BR> <BR> Tonight or maybe tomorrow I am gonna go get the stuff fo... Fri, 13 Apr 2012 19:04:23 EST 1 day down 46 to go http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4829650 Ok, so today wasn't exactly optimal but it was OK. I did have a few bites of things I should not. Today was extra stressful at work and I suck at coping sometimes. Plus I came home to chaos on my lunch hour too. On the good side I did do the Ice pack on the neck thing to try to activate BAT. Also I am contemplating the cold shower thing for mornings. My hair would thank me for one thing, and anything to get the fat loss into gear. I did not make it to the gym today, nor will I do so. ... Wed, 11 Apr 2012 00:48:17 EST Time to totally be honest and be back on track. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4827362 Ok, this last week I have been horrid. If it wasn't nailed down I have attempted to eat it. Any progress I made, I threw away. I am bloated and huge. Tonight I take pictures and measurements. Lets add into the equation that today I had planned to be ontrack but the cluster headache of the day is in my way. I am trying not to pig out. To be good. Tomorrow, back to slow carb in Earnest. I have a goal now. May 26th, need to be down 15+ pounds and two pant sizes. <BR> T-Minus 48 days a... Mon, 9 Apr 2012 16:17:31 EST Slow Carb/ 4 hour body diet WOW!!! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4808851 Ok I just made it to day 8. We won't discuss the fact that I had 2 cheat days this weekend instead of one. (That was VERY naughty). I am still down 6 lbs. I lost 1 1/2 inches from my waist and an inch from my hips. 1/2 inch from one thigh. I couldn't be happier. Granted the one thigh thing is weird, but my body is pretty strange so I take unilateral shrinkage in stride. <BR> <BR> I have found my strategy for the late night sugar jones. I have found several good strategies for differe... Wed, 28 Mar 2012 11:30:23 EST I took the weekend off. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4295187 I didn't screw up my diet (ok I traded out one meal for a piece of my son's B-day cake, but otherwise stayed right on track. I simply did not exercise this weekend at all. I took it as time off for good behavior. That lone piece of cake kicked my ass though. Got out of bed to exercise this morning and had to fight overwhelming nausea. Drank 8 ozs of water and felt better. Breakfast is cooking now. I feel sore and tired today. Worn out. Taking pregnenolone supplements in an attempt to ... Mon, 13 Jun 2011 09:16:42 EST Diet modification. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4285326 So "Diet Coach" asked me yesterday about weight loss and I told him it had slowed to a near stand still. He has decided it is a fiber/carbohydrate related issue. So my new assignment........Same diet as last week only add 12-16 cups of air popped popcorn a day. PLAIN! Ok, if it works, I will do it. Down 12 pounds since I started. Only 20 more to go. Trying to insure I get my exercise in every morning. That is so critical. And 10 minutes simply does not cut it. I just want it all... Wed, 8 Jun 2011 11:04:38 EST Weekend woes http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4280340 Got more exercise thos weekend than I could have hoped for. Ate decently (even if I did miss a meal or 2). Only 0.4 pounds lost? Makes me crazy. I want Ice cream sooooooooooooo badly. My answer to that is to get home and clean and coupon. Get my overweight body back under control. Lots and lots of water today. I want to be down a pound tomorrow. I just want to be able to say "Only 20 pounds to go". Perhaps cardio while my hubby is at the gym. That'd help me feel better about it all... Mon, 6 Jun 2011 10:48:08 EST This is why we wait......... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4275460 Ok so I was frustrated. Finally got to phase 2, doing much better now. 1st off, 6 meals a day is far easier to manage than 7 and half of those 6 are now liquid. That is easier still. As per my "diet coach's" instruction I had a cheat day on Wednesday. By cheat I mean I had a single large meal, a reese's peanut butter cup, and a shot of vodka. Otherwise maintained my meal plan. I gained a pound and a half in that day and am starting to strip it back down. I never fail to be surprised ... Fri, 3 Jun 2011 18:46:07 EST Frustration and determination. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4261399 I said a month. I meant it. I held off on the exercise till The weight loss from the diet itself plateaued. I know my body and my metabolism. My body adjusts faster than anyone's I have ever seen. In 12 days it had adjusted to the new food schedule. It started to slow by day 10. On day 11 the exercise began. Day 18 now, at least 15 minutes every day, most days 20, some days even more. Keep it varied so body cannot adjust. I hate having an efficient body. It always adjusts faster th... Sat, 28 May 2011 11:14:55 EST New plan http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4228631 After hating the scale, the mirror, the everything, time has come to get serious. Finally gave in and let my husband's friend, the body builder, a former Mr. Olympia, put us on a diet. I am slowly incorporating exercise and lifting. Just what I can do at home, 20 to 30 minutes at a time for now. I want this, I want it more than I have wanted anything in a long time. I got past the 2nd day, that was abysmal. But on day 3 I am down 4 pounds. I am a believer. <BR> <BR> One month on it ... Thu, 12 May 2011 18:19:12 EST Down day success http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4125579 Today was awesome despite the myriad stressors. I started my Monday (1st day after 2 up days in a row) at only a pound above what my post down day had started. I love this diet in large part because it works so damn well and I only have to be good so long. I wish all diets worked this well, were this easy and rewarding. If that were the case I would only weigh what my long term goal weight is. So glad I am on this one this time. Tue, 29 Mar 2011 00:43:02 EST Up day? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4101877 This will be an up day. The worst part is trying to eat after a few down days. 2 pieces of Pizza and a breadstick later my stomach feels ill. Before the end of the day I need to get in at least another 300 calories. 2 major downsides to that being: 1) I'm not hungry 2) I am scared that if I push it, I may not be able to get it back under control. Frustrates me to no end but that's how it is to be me. Oh well. Maybe some Ice cream, we'll see. Fri, 18 Mar 2011 21:17:22 EST What a day. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4099565 Today at work was insane. The work took forever. Too many patients, too little time and today is nothing compared to what tomorrow will be. I am exhausted. I am finding myself back in that wierd place. Where my head is not quite right and my relationship with my body is even worse still. Just waiting for things to mellow out. I keep telling myself that. I know that's not true. Stepped on the scale at 193 today. That just seems unacceptable to me. It just tells me to "Work harder". ... Thu, 17 Mar 2011 21:15:56 EST Made it....... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4085448 Fridays are usually a binge day for me. I made it through the day. No binge.......no slips. Made it well under my goal. Tomorrow is an up day. After a day like today, though up days are far less appealing. The possibility of looking good again soon keeps getting better and better. Just waiting it out. Hope to make my goal weight by April 28th. From there it is just good. Sat, 12 Mar 2011 00:26:38 EST 3rd Down day today http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4083954 My results this week have been quite good. About a 5 pound loss. Not bad at all. Today is a down day. 500 calories or less. Always a challenge but way easier on a busy work day. Also not doing lunch with the hubby so I can save my calories for dinner. Maybe have a side salad from McD's with no dressing for lunch. It'll work well. I am looking forward to getting back into my black jeans. Fri, 11 Mar 2011 11:30:41 EST A Second Successful Down Day http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4080394 Today was truly challenging. It was a down day and we had gaming and company and fast food. I made it under 500 calories anyway. I simply avoided all other food today. Tomorrow is an up day and I can eat whatever I want. Looking forward to it, But for today I stand comfortable and victorious in the knowledge of control on a day that normally would have been an excuse to pig out. Sleep tonight is critical to make this work and I get another weigh in tomorrow morning. I will document t... Wed, 9 Mar 2011 23:35:14 EST Cause and Effect, but which is which......... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4073727 A few months ago when things were in a state of negative flux I took an unplanned hiatus from selling Avon. In that time I also felt far less than motivated to lose weight or even care about anything but just existing and eating. I am just over a week into being back selling avon now (plus my regular job which I never left). In that time I have made some positive strides in a hurry and they seem very stable. And in the last few days I have become increasingly conscious of my weight again.... Mon, 7 Mar 2011 16:07:23 EST Today was a good day....... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4026811 Made it only slightly above my food goal and exercised enough to compensatorily balance me back into the goal region. I made it through stress without resorting to food and am ready to face tomorrow. Things are getting better. Fri, 18 Feb 2011 00:28:35 EST Confidence, depression, food, and thoughts. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3770970 For years I was scared to death to sing Karaoke. I thought I had the world's worst voice. I hated to hear myself sing. My self esteem was in the crapper. THe worse I felt the worse my weight was. Well over the last month as my hubby and I have been doing his karaoke show at one of the local bars I finally have been gaining a little confidence. It started with a few songs I felt safe with, and has grown from there. I went from 1 song to 7 that I feel truly comfortable with. In there I ... Mon, 8 Nov 2010 17:26:32 EST Taking the risk http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3691705 Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to take a risk. To say yes to something you have been in denial about. It can be very freeing. And sometimes it is important to admit you are not the smartest person on the subject. Always good. Mon, 4 Oct 2010 14:12:49 EST It's not approved but.......... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3479177 Going back to the Johnson Up Day Down Day plan. It had such good results before. Also limitting the refined foods from here on out. I want to be back to healthy too. <BR> <BR> It may take a while. Setting attainable short term goals and long term ones too. 10 lbs at a time. <em>211</em> Wed, 28 Jul 2010 15:44:09 EST Open to good things part 2 (Also known as maybe not) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3471785 So the job prospect thing fell through. Money just got tighter, and I am not sure when this is going to let up. I need a light at the end of the tunnel. I am frustrated right now. Everything is late or behind. <BR> <BR> I am still open to the idea of good things. They just seem slightly less tangible now. I am still striving to get my weight under control. I just can't stand not being able to wear any of my clothes from this time last year. I don't like what I see in the mirror. ... Mon, 26 Jul 2010 16:12:44 EST