PATTYR81's SparkPeople Blog PATTYR81's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Routine. My Watchword. A new week, a new opportunity to start fresh yet again <em>224</em> <BR> <BR> Today I need to focus on taking care of MY needs. I've been out of protein drinks and fiber powder for several days now. I was busy running around taking care of family's "wants" (they are old enough to take care of their own needs). <BR> <BR> Yesterday I drove 30 min to Costco to get 'MY' items and discovered that I left my card purse at home in the softball bag. ARGH!!!!! <em>18</em> Drove back home and ... Mon, 10 Aug 2015 10:43:48 EST Do You Ever Feel Like You Are Not Heard??? I've just come to realize that I've been feeling this way for a LONG time! <em>234</em> <BR> <BR> It seems like my kids (almost ALL of the time), DH and at work (some times) totally discount what I say. <BR> <BR> Kids (14, 21, 26) will ignore my requests to do stuff and outright disobey my directives (think requests to take their laundry piles from the dining room table to their rooms and directive to NOT use data on their phones away from home b/c we're getting HUGE overage charges). ... Sat, 25 Jul 2015 11:35:06 EST Random Reporting Thoughts on My Activities I'm happy to report that my Activity Streak is progressing nicely! <em>224</em> <BR> <BR> Interesting to me is that my All-Or-Nothing attitude toward activity has morphed into 'Something is Better Than Nothing' (THANKS INDYGIRL!) <BR> <BR> While I haven't walked/jogged my Park Circuit on a Daily Basis, I HAVE increased my overall activity. Who knew I would ever go to the county fair and walk 18,646 steps??? Then 2 days later go back and walk 12,344?? True, I was pretty wiped out the day ... Wed, 1 Jul 2015 09:51:41 EST Streak-ette Becoming a STREAK!! Ya! This is Week 2 of Streak-ette. <em>224</em> <BR> <BR> I haven't yet decided when I will consider it to be a Full Blown STREAK <em>20</em> <BR> <BR> ASTOUNDING news to me: I walked/jogged 5 days last week! Low jog step day was Day 1 at 200 and I ended Day 5 with 800!! <em>198</em> <BR> <BR> Scale not moving, but legs, tummy, arms noticeably trimming up and clothes are looser! Wearing size 12 capri's again! <em>9</em> <BR> <BR> BIG MOTIVATOR: College athlete DD#2 wore my 'Siz... Mon, 22 Jun 2015 09:44:39 EST Baby Streak-ette I'm proud to report that I've made progress on my 100 Minute Plan items! <em>224</em> <BR> <BR> My first impulse is to write about what I DIDN'T accomplish. <em>18</em> - <BR> <BR> Purposefully reframing my results is that I DID accomplish: <BR> <BR> 1. At least 10 minute walk- yesterday with 200 JOG steps, today with 500 JOG steps! <em>311</em> <em>312</em> <BR> <BR> 2. ~ 5 minute clutter clearing sorting recycle bottles into bags <BR> <em>222</em> <em>262</em> <BR> ... Tue, 16 Jun 2015 20:08:03 EST 100 Minute Plan Today was the first day in what feels like forever that I woke up to an empty house. Well, no people that is. The 3 DDs, DH and DDBF are all off working and or staying with friends. Ahhhh I forgot how blissful it is to share my morning with the 3 doggies, 3 kitties and bunny. <em>338</em> <em>172</em> <em>240</em> <BR> <BR> <em>20</em> <BR> <BR> With NO distractions, I read SP posts that sparked my motivation again <em>224</em> <BR> <BR> Made a 100 minute plan (5 tasks th... Mon, 15 Jun 2015 11:13:27 EST A Better 'Back To Basics' Article I found this and need to ponder... IMO it's better than 'Rules of the Pouch'. Comments welcome! <BR> <BR><BR>racktogether/blog/2009/01/07/back-on-t<BR>rack-together---back-to-the-basics/ Wed, 25 Mar 2015 09:53:03 EST New Friend Zip Helping Me Slog DH & DD#1 came home with a 'prize' for me. I have a new walking friend! Fitbit Zip! She is AWESOME!!! She rides on my bra strap, counts steps and mileage correctly (as far as I can tell), reports calories burned and rewards me with a smiley face that gets increasingly happier the farther I walk! No nagging, just positive reinforcement! <em>224</em> <BR> <BR> I did not ask and do NOT want to know her cost! That would take some of the joy out of it for me. <em>20</em> <BR> <BR> They g... Fri, 13 Mar 2015 10:50:51 EST Truckload Thursday & Freaky Friday Something is up with me. Yes, my scale frenemy too!!! <em>40</em> <em>18</em> <BR> <BR> Truckload Eating!!! Yesterday I just wanted to eat all day! While I foods I ate were all healthy and not junk, the quanty and frequency were high. I was just HANGRY. <em>20</em> <BR> <BR> I think it was the caffeine coffee I've been drinking the past few days (1-2 c per day caff, the rest de-caf). I also tried a different sf syrup in my coffee. Oh and I also ate oatmeal for breakfast for the firs... Fri, 27 Feb 2015 09:43:08 EST Pedometer Adventures Still figuring out how to live with new pedometer... <em>246</em> <BR> <BR> I lost it after half a day - fell off my jeans getting out of the Mustang...I was SOOOO bummed! Was ready to jet back to Walmart and get another one when I found it on the lawn by the driveway <em>224</em> <BR> <BR> OK, so clipping to my jeans is not for my lifestyle. On to Alternate Plan B. <BR> <BR> Discovered that my Lee Riders have a mini pocket on the right hip above the regular pocket. <BR> <BR> (An... Thu, 26 Feb 2015 09:22:22 EST Simple is Good; Simple and Cheap is AWESOME!!! I finally MADE myself get to Walmart to buy a pedometer <em>313</em> DD#1 & I immediately took the three golden doggies on a walk... put 1907 steps on that baby! <em>224</em> <BR> <BR> Altho I work for a hi tech Fortune 100 company, in my personal life, I am decidedly low tech <em>221</em> <BR> <BR> I just don't have the interest or patience for hi tech gadgets I have to figure out. My style is plug and play. So I passed up all the glorious High dollar models with all the bells... Tue, 24 Feb 2015 16:34:23 EST Brain Flash & Head Slap I've been very disgruntled about my weight hovering around 197, but have to admit that I really haven't been willing to do all the things I was doing before when I was on the losing track <em>2</em> <BR> <BR> As I was sipping my HOT skinny mocha, I had a brain flash <em>530</em> <BR> <BR> I am 'only' 20 pounds from my goal weight!!!! <BR> <BR> Coming from almost 300 lbs, that number suddenly isn't quite so daunting. <em>521</em> <BR> <BR> I've also been whining about not gettin... Fri, 20 Feb 2015 10:14:09 EST The Beauty of Surfing SP Altho I read SP posts every day, I've gotten to the point where I only sometimes comment and my blogging has really fallen by the wayside. I think it's my perfectionist nature. In the reading moment, I can't think of anything really profound or 'worthy' to say, so I stay in my brain and keep silent. <BR> <BR> These days, often I can only manage to comment in emoticon. The great thing about my persevering in daily SP surfing is that occasionally, my comments on a thread lead to something I... Wed, 11 Feb 2015 10:04:45 EST Yesterday's Slog Something was on my nerves yesterday <em>40</em> <BR> <BR> Couldn't keep my sneaky hand out of the chip bag on DD#1's lap <em>18</em> <BR> <BR> Ate them until tummy was sick <em>527</em> Yucky day and evening, but this a.m. is better! <em>106</em> <BR> <BR> Woke up at 3 and couldn't go back to sleep... <em>24</em> looking forward to an early nap <em>102</em> and hope to take even a tiny walk <em>311</em> Thu, 29 Jan 2015 09:28:28 EST Grumpies Fading Slowwwwlllly....YAY! Woke up grumpy today <em>18</em> <BR> <BR> After reading SP posts and sipping HOT skinny mocha <em>106</em> am feeling more back to my cheerful, optimistic self <em>224</em> <BR> <BR> Big Bro is not as sick as I feared... having chemo & can't get out of bed on his own yet, but coherent and says this experience has made him 're-evaluate things'. From the context of our convo, it's specifically about his behaviors & relationships in his life. His focus was all about $$$ & what peopl... Tue, 20 Jan 2015 12:22:48 EST Going Out and About! Since I work from home, most of my outings are grocery shopping, bank and taxi driving DD#3 to her various activities. Occasionally on a Sunday I'll take an eye candy trip to Home Goods or Ross or Marshall's (on lucky days, all three!) <em>104</em> <BR> <BR> I've got 2 outings planned for this weekend...MY plans, not just accompanying DH, DD#1 on THEIR plans! <em>334</em> <BR> <BR> Today I'm going to a reunion lunch with co-workers from a past job. Same company, but the subsidary was... Fri, 16 Jan 2015 13:13:41 EST Only One? Only One and Only One-YA! Got the news my older brother has lymphoma <em>40</em> Will find out details this weekend. <BR> <BR> I guess I'm staying in 'left brain mode', cuz I only had ONE tear all day <em>46</em> <BR> <BR> My appetite is gone <em>40</em> <em>40</em> <em>40</em> , but I WAS tempted by DD#1's gluten free cookies she left on the counter.... ate only ONE. <BR> <BR> Then at 10:30 pm, got out of bed and ate ONE slice of pizza she & BF ordered for dinner as I didn't cook. <BR> <BR> This i... Thu, 15 Jan 2015 09:16:04 EST Still Climbing Out of a Hole Friday, DD#2 went back to college out of state <em>46</em> <em>224</em> <BR> <BR> Was a tough, tough day emotionally. <em>40</em> <em>24</em> made super-chaotic by cleaning ladies working, last minute laundry, packing, searching and ultimately going to dr office & replacing lost cd with MRI results.... forgot my counseling appt.... ARGH!!!! Did get her to airport on time tho barely....SW lost her suitcase sigh....then found it 2 days later. Gave her a $50 voucher, nice but didn'... Mon, 12 Jan 2015 11:44:45 EST Ahhhh... Getting Back to 'Daily Life'! I haven't blogged for a while because I get bogged down in how to fill in all the gaps of stuff that happened between postings. <em>24</em> <BR> <BR> So today I had a brain flash that I would take the Fly Lady approach and just start HERE. <em>249</em> I'm sure that my stream of consciousness writing will eventually cover all the 'adventures' (read 'challenges') I've been going thru the past months. <BR> <BR> Currently living with DH & me: Our 3 DD's, 3 golden retrievers (11 yr old... Sat, 3 Jan 2015 13:48:15 EST So Far, So Good (pic) Yesterday I managed to follow most of my success strategies. <em>104</em> <BR> <BR> It's been raining (YAY bye bye drought!), so my activity has been limited to grocery shopping and extra trips up and down stairs doing laundry. Better than nothing as my couch keeps calling to me to come sit by the fire.... <BR> <BR> Managed to stay away from sugar and sugary carbs... <em>198</em> and weight dropped significantly in one day! <em>193</em> Dang water weight, but still like lower numb... Wed, 17 Dec 2014 19:09:13 EST Note To Self: Remember Your Daily Success Strategies! I've been struggling since Halloween. On the Gastric Bypass Team page I found a thread about "Holiday Strategies". Made me realize just how far I've gotten from my DAILY success strategies. So to remind myself: <BR> <BR> +Constantly sip HOT, low/no calorie drinks <BR> <BR> +Make (and eat) weekly staple pot of soup (beans, veg or other broth based) <BR> <BR> +DONT buy crackers/breads/carbs (including candy/cookies, etc.) that I eat until I throw up <BR> <BR> +Control portions by using... Tue, 16 Dec 2014 09:50:41 EST What To Do When My Jeans R Getting Tight I'm feeling a bit bloggish today. A first for a long while. So some random thoughts: <BR> <BR> This title came to me and I liked it. Don't know if what follows relates, but it captures one of my concerns this week. <BR> <BR> Also this week I had the first primary care dr physical since 2011. <em>282</em> I've switched to a woman dr ('DO' not 'MD' but don't know what DO stands for) 10/24 is my 2 yr follow up appt with my surgeon. Stressing about not being 184 or less, but trying to convi... Fri, 17 Oct 2014 10:04:55 EST My 2 Year Surgeversary!!! I celebrated my 2 year surgiversary on 10/8 <em>244</em> <em>244</em> <em>244</em> <BR> <BR> I'm pondering writing a blog, but meanwhile, I'm still trying to wrap my head around all the changes and 'stuff' I've been thru in the past 2 years.... <em>40</em> <em>20</em> <em>224</em> <em>198</em> <BR> <BR> My lowest weight was 184 (I'm 5' 8 1/2") and wore a loose size 10 and actually zipped up a size 8 jeans!!! <em>100</em> <BR> <BR> During the stress of my dad's fina... Sat, 11 Oct 2014 10:37:46 EST NSVs Galore and it's only 8 a.m.!!! Some bad life drama is going on around me, but I am focusing on my positives. <em>224</em> Enough time to whine and vent blog later! <BR> <BR> Today I've had at least 4 NSVs (non scale victories) and it's only 8 a.m.!!! <em>244</em> <BR> <BR> So it's Monday and I pop awake at 4:45 a.m. thinking DH is gonna be late to work. <em>18</em> He is EXTREMELY punctual about work and commitments. If he isn't 30 min before start time, he considers himself late. Then he is a GRUMPY BEAR the w... Mon, 7 Jul 2014 11:40:28 EST Teeny But Effective Motivation (Pic) <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Wearing dd#2's college softball work out clothes (and her hand-me-down-team-trainer shoes) for my morning walk! <BR> <BR> Haven't walked in MONTHS!, so am proud today is Day 2. Yesterday, walked lap around park (20 min) and jogged 100 steps. Today same route, but jogged 175 steps!!! <BR> <BR> Makes my MIND feel like a 20 yr old athlete, even tho my body is WAYYYYYY lagging in this department!! <em>334</em> <... Wed, 2 Jul 2014 11:15:30 EST Random Victories - 1H 2014 At work this is the time of year where we have to self evaluate and write our accomplishments for the 1st half of the year. It is always a tough thing for me to do. <em>100</em> Why? Because I'm NEVER perfect!!! <em>18</em> <BR> <BR> In the spirit of 'continuous improvement', I've decided to try to make it fun by brainstorming all my activities and finding the 'good' in each one. I'm also doing it for my personal accomplishments. It's really HARD not to criticize myself for not doi... Thu, 26 Jun 2014 10:52:14 EST Food Reality It's a blog 2-fer today! <BR> <BR> Wanted to separate my <em>104</em> <em>224</em> stuff from my <em>2</em> <em>29</em> <em>28</em> <em>15</em> <BR> <BR> Yesterday's food plan was going well, but somehow my brain got overconfident and 'forgot' what happens when I overeat and when I eat sugar! <em>230</em> <em>227</em> <em>100</em> <BR> <BR> In the afternoon talking with DH and dd's, I mindlessly shoveled in cashew nuts (haven't been eating nuts for a week or ... Wed, 18 Jun 2014 11:21:42 EST Horse Riding! (pic) <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <BR> REALLY???? <BR> <BR> ME???? <BR> <BR> AFTER 20 YEARS???? <em>40</em> <BR> <BR> At my ~300 lb self, I was always afraid I would hurt the horse. <em>24</em> I wouldn't even ride in horse drawn carriages pulled by draft horses! <BR> <BR> Another NSV (non scale victory) and goal met! <em>104</em> <em>224</em> <BR> <BR> <em>252</em> Wed, 18 Jun 2014 10:38:22 EST 5 Day Pouch Test - So What Did I Learn??? Key Learnings for me: <BR> <BR> - I wasn't starvingly, uncomfortably hungry <BR> <BR> - I didn't have to be 'perfect' on the plan for it to work (I was 90%) It wasn't an 'all or nothing' experience. <BR> <BR> - My pouch still 'works'. I didn't 'break it'. (which I feared) <BR> <BR> - I didn't realize how often I was eating junk carbs and how much at a time I was scarfing <BR> <BR> - Eating 'just one' or 'just one bite' of junk carbs sets me off on that slippery slope to constant grazing... Sat, 14 Jun 2014 11:17:58 EST Victories: Both NSV and Scale - YAY!!! Today is day 4 of my 5 day pouch test. <BR> <BR> I'm happy to report that yesterday my energy was up and I actually got out and walked 30 min! <em>104</em> <BR> <BR> Followed the plan for the most part. However, being out & about shopping and softball practice (YAY activity instead of couch potato!) led to ff meals for lunch & dinner <em>230</em> <BR> <BR> 90% of my choices were ok (lunch: 3/4 small cheeseburger patty; dinner: 1/3 small cheeseburger patty). The other 10% was tha... Thu, 12 Jun 2014 10:26:16 EST Shopping!!! (Pic) and Long Lost (Deliberately Hidden) 'Before WLS' pic I bought a new bathing suit!!!! AND for the first time since my honeymoon, I'm not embarrassed (ok a little) to be photographed in it! <em>224</em> <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Was browsing thru my gallery....Yikes! I didn't realize how big I was! <em>40</em> <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Who else has new pics to share???? <BR> <BR> Happy Day! <BR> <BR> <em>437<... Wed, 11 Jun 2014 12:44:13 EST 5 Day Pouch Test Lately I've been struggling with binging, eating more and more junk carbs (often to the point where tummy rebels <em>24</em> <BR> <BR> Scale was up 8 lbs from my lowest weight <em>24</em> <em>24</em> <em>24</em> and steadily creeping up, up, up .... <BR> <BR> So I scoured the boards for ideas. Chose to try the 5 day pouch test. <BR> <BR> Below is an excerpt from CLYNNTHOMAS' 3-27-14 blog that gives a nice overview: <BR> <BR> "For those of you not familiar with the 5DPT - it... Wed, 11 Jun 2014 11:34:07 EST Feeling A Bit Slapped Around Today :( I was feeling pretty good after I wrote about my Yappers - got some of them corralled, handled and out of my life (for the moment) <em>224</em> <BR> <BR> Some of them included: <BR> <BR> -Sending graduation card (and check) to my dc's (dear cousin) daughter. <em>242</em> Soooo proud of her!!! <BR> -Sending sympathy cards to dh's stepmother who lost her son and to family of dh's life-long neighbor and mother-figure. <BR> -Paying bills <em>224</em> <BR> -Misc house cleaning tasks <BR>... Thu, 5 Jun 2014 12:08:23 EST Surrounded by Yapping Chihuauas! It seems like every time I take some time out for 'Me Time', the number of my 'Yapping Chihuauas' (To - Do Items) increases dramatically and their yapping decibel intensity goes up 10-fold. <em>530</em> <BR> <BR> This past week was SOOO action packed, that I didn't know where to turn or which yapper to beat down first. So what did I do??? Several times I opted out and hid from them, hunkered down in my room web-surfing on work and personal sites. Not getting anything meaningful done - ju... Mon, 2 Jun 2014 13:01:36 EST Slug vs. Hamster - Animal Alter-Egos Are Battling.... Spent the weekend spectating at dd#3 softball tournament. <em>60</em> <em>132</em> (I realize this is a tennis ball icon, but I like the color so I pretend it's a softball! :) <BR> <BR> DD#2 is home from college for the summer <em>224</em> <BR> <BR> DD#1 will be moving home from college in July. She's graduating with her 2nd Bachelors degree and has been accepted into 1 of 2 Master's programs (will hear from the other one in June) Anyway, both schools are excellent and HERE, so whi... Wed, 28 May 2014 11:06:11 EST Non-Eventful Friday - Just The Way I Like It! Fridays are a 'mixed bag' of stuff for me. <em>36</em> <BR> <BR> It's the end of the work week and usually a very easy day with a lot of co-workers taking off <em>224</em> <BR> <BR> Sometimes, I'm one of them! <em>334</em> <BR> <BR> It's also the day my house is TRASHED and laundry PILED UP despite my best daily effort to tame that beast. <em>542</em> <em>530</em> <BR> <BR> Most weeks, it's also 'therapy day' where I and my ever-understanding and patient therapist rip off... Sat, 24 May 2014 10:42:11 EST Slid Down a Smallish Chute Yesterday no ladder climbing - instead hit a chute and started sliding..... <BR> <BR> <BR> I am a numbers person. I like numbers. They give definite information. Definite information puts my mind 'at ease'. <BR> <BR> <em>207</em> <BR> <BR> My trouble is, I tend to go overboard (!) about numbers and measurements sometimes <em>40</em> <BR> <BR> These days I've managed to avoid obsessing about scale numbers. But when I started playing with Tracker, my 'numbers fascination' (comp... Fri, 23 May 2014 11:44:22 EST Toddling Up Those Ladders! Sometimes I'm amazed just how much baby steps add up and lead to toddling steps! <em>183</em> <BR> <BR> As I reviewed yesterday in my mind, I got a clear vision of the game 'Chutes and Ladders'. Thankfully, it was a ladder climbing day <em>224</em> No looooong ladders, tho, just those little step ladder size ones. <BR> <BR> After I blogged about what I've been eating, I trolled around SP and landed on the food tracker. Hmmm. Decided to play around with it and enter what I had for... Thu, 22 May 2014 10:06:20 EST Doing Something Different Yesterday went better eating-wise. <em>224</em> <BR> <BR> I guess there IS something to the strategy of planning defined snacks and meals rather than grazing, nibbling and relying on my tummy to tell me if it's hungry or not. What A Concept! <em>58</em> <em>20</em> <BR> <BR> Followed my eating plan for the day and went upstairs after dinner instead of hanging around the family room/kitchen area. Was feeling pretty good about the day when dh got home ~ 9 pm. Dang! He wanted me t... Wed, 21 May 2014 13:20:43 EST Better, But Still Stumbling and Bumbling Yesterday was a better day food-wise. No junk! <em>224</em> <BR> <BR> I was SOOOO tired (food hang over?) so I decided to have a quick nap <em>102</em> . 'Quick' extended to 2 hours! <em>40</em> <BR> <BR> Was good about having my vitamins, calcium and protein drink <em>4</em> <BR> <BR> Soothed myself in the evening sipping HOT decaf, sf tea <em>106</em> <BR> <BR> Fell off the wagon (actually I should say 'into the bag') at 9 pm when I spied dh's beef jerky in the truck. ... Tue, 20 May 2014 12:30:13 EST Grief-work, Binge Eating and Getting Back On Track I've been pretty 'silent' on SP for the past few months. Lurking, reading, with occasional comments. No real posts. Why???? I've been actively avoiding thinking about 'stuff' and keeping myself skimming thru life being busy, busy, busy so I don;t HAVE to think. <BR> <BR> I've been doing some heavy-lifting work with my trusty therapist and finally faced the fact that I have to do the work to get thru this 'stuff'. No one is gonna do it and hand me a clean silver platter. My first step i... Mon, 19 May 2014 12:04:34 EST Unstuck - Backstory and Forging Ahead! I ran out of time yesterday and didn't get to blog WHY my tax experience this year was such a hurdle. It's been WAYYYYYY bigger and more complicated than just the run of the mill IRS dread. <BR> <BR> Getting my taxes out of my life released a HUGE boulder <em>224</em> <BR> <BR> The weight of that task looming above me had me just like a deer in the headlights <em>40</em> Plus when I FINALLY made it to the tax place appt., there was a guy waiting that SOOOOO reminded me of my dad. Ev... Tue, 8 Apr 2014 12:23:09 EST Finally Unstuck! Taxes Done! YAY! I don't know many people that think doing their taxes is fun. <em>100</em> <BR> <BR> I certainly don't. For me, it's right up there with my annual & semi annual dr & dentist appts! <em>334</em> <BR> <BR> I go to a professional tax prep company. For 20 years, we sent our taxes to a CPA friend. Then he retired. So stubborn me decided I could do it myself. <em>58</em> Ya I did get it done using a the same professional company online tool--- took MONTHS, stress, frustration and yes,... Mon, 7 Apr 2014 16:26:14 EST 'Blog-Worthy' Writing? I've noticed that I've felt my only 'blog-worthy' writing is when I'm feeling upbeat and positive. Yes, writing upbeat blogs is a good thing. <em>224</em> I guess it's due to my upbringing where it was expected to be positive, optimistic and not dwell (or most times even think about or consider) on any 'bad' stuff. <BR> <BR> But what do I do when I'm feeling 'less than upbeat'??? I read blogs of people writing about their struggles and relate. <em>40</em> And most times, offer encourag... Fri, 4 Apr 2014 10:01:57 EST Stumbled But Not Down For The Count! Today I'm off on another trip to see dd#2 play college softball. I'm flying out on the early plane. Missed her game on ESPN yesterday <em>18</em> DRAT! dd#1 is also flying in to meet us and we'll have a big girl's weekend <em>224</em> <BR> <BR> I'm SO EXCITED, yet overwhelmed. <em>40</em> <BR> <BR> I've got TONS of work to do both for my job and at home. I always like to get everything 'tidy' before I go away. Not gonna happen this time. <em>2</em> <em>39</em> <BR> <BR> ... Thu, 20 Mar 2014 06:23:08 EST My Caffeine Paradox It's no secret that I LOVE coffee!!! HOT skinny mochas and vanilla lattes make my mouth Happy, Happy, HAPPY! ! <em>106</em> <em>106</em> <em>106</em> <BR> <BR> My issue here is figuring out the 'right' amount of caffeine to include in my life these days. To some people, it may seem like such a small and trivial item in the grand scheme of things, but to me, it's KEY to getting and staying in a 'stable' place mentally. When I'm in that happy spot, my physical struggles lessen. <e... Tue, 18 Mar 2014 09:51:58 EST Just Get Started! I'm still struggling with eating and weight gain. <em>29</em> <BR> <BR> Saturday was 'good' day, eating to plan, shopped and got 2 pairs of denim capri pants at Walmart (Lee Rider Slender Fit size 12) They fit PERFECTLY. I'm still trying to get my head around 'Slender Fit'??? ME????! <em>40</em> It's probably all clever marketing :) <BR> My mind still thinks 'Chubby' and my hand always starts at the 2x rack even tho I wear a medium now. <em>334</em> <BR> <BR> Sat nite went to dd#... Mon, 17 Mar 2014 11:00:53 EST Mouth Wants vs. Brain Logic = YIKES! My mind is a peculiar thing sometimes. Ok, well, most times <em>334</em> <BR> <BR> In the food/drink/activity arena, it attempts to apply the same logic to different situations and get the same result. <em>40</em> <BR> <BR> Or more often, it distorts said logic to fit the wants of my mouth and emotional brain. <em>18</em> <BR> <BR> I am struggling with a 6-8 lb weight gain that is threatening to keep trending up. <BR> <BR> For months I was hovering between 184 and 187. When I... Thu, 13 Mar 2014 09:29:33 EST Creeping Weight Gain Finally Got My Attention! About a month ago, my weight was at an all time low of 184. That's 112 lbs from my hw of 296 <em>104</em> <BR> <BR> I was feeling pretty good about my routines and actually had fleeting thoughts (worries?) of becoming a bit anexoric & actually losing too much weight. Many days I HAD to MAKE myself eat. Weird, right?? <BR> <BR> So how did I end up 8 lbs heavier??? Connecting the dots, I realized a few things were going on at the same time that wore on my emotional state. <em>39</em> ... Tue, 11 Mar 2014 10:53:47 EST Light Bulb Moment! After I whined in my last blog, I was kinda drifing around not really doing much with my mind pretty much fogged over. <em>527</em> <em>15</em> <BR> <BR> As I read some SP blogs, it came to me that my worst binging, downward behavioral spirals occur after something happens with my late dad's affairs. <em>40</em> <BR> <BR> I haven't really cried- I seem to take my sadness out by eating. <em>4</em> 54 years of habits are HARD to break! <BR> <BR> Last Friday, I got a huge packe... Mon, 10 Mar 2014 14:29:35 EST