PANDASUE2's SparkPeople Blog PANDASUE2's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Ups and downs 210. 23. 187. Those are the three numbers I'm focusing on right now. 210, the number I'm starting at right now. I've been hovering around that number for a while and it needs to stop. 23, the number of pounds I need to lose to get to my goal weight... 187. Why 187? Its the number I stayed at for over a year, the number I was happy at. Its not the skinniest, the healthiest, but its me, and its where my body liked to be for a long time. <BR> <BR> I'm sick of my clothes fitting tight. I'm sick... Thu, 22 Dec 2016 21:06:30 EST Forgetting the fat girl I was looking through some old pictures from 2010 the other day and couldn't believe that that girl was ME. 345 pounds, unhappy in who I was and where I was headed. I try to think back to that girl and its really hard. Its painful. I know how unhappy I was and that is motivation enough to keep working at maintaining. I know how to do it, I've done it. I just need to keep it up. <BR> I understand how its easy to gain the weight back. Its not easy to maintain. I think its more difficult to ma... Wed, 19 Nov 2014 13:01:46 EST Wedding Pics and an update Well, I haven't updated since.... ooooh..... August. I think its time! I really thought that life after my wedding would slow down, but really, it feels like its only gotten faster! Its been a whirlwind, and even though I wouldn't have it any other way, it would be nice to have a SLIGHT break! <BR> My wedding day was absolutely amazing. It went off without a hitch and I would do it all over again if I could. But, it will be an awesome memory that I look back on fondly! Here are a few pics: <... Mon, 17 Nov 2014 13:42:57 EST Six Weeks till my wedding. AAAHHH!!!!! I can't believe the big day, that I've been planning for for two years now is almost here! The final touches are being added, the favors and ceremony cards have been printed and just need to be cut and I have one final dress fitting and I'm pretty much done. From here on out its my bridal shower and bachelorette party! My MOH has been amazing and so much help through this whole process. I really don't think I could have done it without her! I'm so excited to walk down the aisle and marry my l... Wed, 6 Aug 2014 09:29:45 EST Owning up to my mistakes Scale the past two Mondays after heavy food/alcohol weekends... 195 and 193. By the end of last week I had it down to 188 and then started over with the heavy eating and drinking. Man... that sounds horrible. I need to own up to my mistakes, since I know what i'm doing wrong and change it! I know how to do it, its not like I haven't done it before. I just need to ignore that piece of cheesecake and not have as many drinks. <BR> My exercise is still on par tho - working out every day (except ... Mon, 5 May 2014 16:01:42 EST Pessimism: Can you change the way you think? Losing some mental weight. I've been a pessimist for as long as I can remember. Optimism has never come easy for me. <BR> <BR> I grew up as a chubby little girl, over 200 lbs by the time I was a freshman in HS. I lived in the country, didn't really have a lot of friends and only had my mom and brother around for companionship. My mom lived a pretty sheltered life, only ever dated and married my father, never lived on her own and didn't teach me about life, since she hadn't had too many life experiences of her own. My... Mon, 31 Mar 2014 11:57:13 EST Catching up I'm so glad the holidays are over!!! Mainly because of all the food that's around that I, for some reason, was not able to refrain from this year! However, I am sad that my two weeks of vacation went by so quickly... I spent the majority of it at my parents house in central Wisconsin. I used the local gym 6 of the 9 days I was there. The other days I got my exercise by shoveling my parents large driveway after each snowfall, which there was a ton of! It was a very white Christmas. <BR> I ha... Wed, 8 Jan 2014 09:22:29 EST Too much baking is making me fat! Well, I've decided that I need to come back to spark again. Spark helped me so much my first two years of weight loss that I realized its a great tool to utilize to keep you accountable. Honestly, I got a little discouraged with it because as much as I tried reached out to people, and blog while receiving feedback, I just wasn't getting very much from it. But I suppose, I'm here to lose weight, and that is whats important to me. I hadn't gone away from Spark completely, but I really wasn't ... Thu, 21 Nov 2013 08:55:54 EST Sept Recap, Oct Goals and wedding update Another month come and gone SO fast. Amazing how fast time flies by these days. It doesn't help that I have a wedding to plan for! Eek! We finally found our DJ and I think I found our photographer last night. I also found my dress and it wasn't one of the two that I posted on here! I just wasn't really feeling either of those like I wanted to. I wanted to feel some sort of pull towards one of them and they were both just kind of "blah" for me. This one I tried on and I didn't want to take it ... Wed, 2 Oct 2013 08:29:19 EST Which wedding dress!? HELP ME! I've been looking at wedding dresses off an on for a year now. I've been to 5 different salons and maybe tried on a total of 20 dresses. Feels like a lot... I know people say that you won't feel like they do on TV, and actually, I've felt quite the opposite. I can't decide and its skewing my perception of these dresses. The first dress I tried on was an A-line, I liked it, but the bottom was too plain, finally, somebody put me in a fit and flare, and I loved the shape of it. I worked hard the... Mon, 23 Sep 2013 15:01:44 EST Setting goals again. September will be my month! Its time to set some goals again. September is right around the corner (ugh!) and I need to see the 170's. These 180's are swell, but they aren't where I want to be. I feel a bit greedy, knowing I've come so far and still want to keep going. Its not much though, just a little bit more. 8-10 pesky pounds! <BR> My wedding is gonna be a year away on 9/20 and I wanna look fabulous for my wedding day! I can maintain 175 for one year, and more. I know I can. I just need to get there. <BR> <BR> G... Fri, 30 Aug 2013 13:24:44 EST Emergency brain surgery, two years on spark and one year of maintenance. Well, first of all, I'd like to thank everyone who posted on my last blog. I wrote that blog and about two hours later was driving up to Madison to see my mom, who was having emergency brain surgery. It was so unexpected that I just tossed a bunch of clothes in a bag and left. I was terrified. Luckily, she's on the mend and is doing really well. So thanks to everyone who I wasn't able to get back to! <BR> <BR> So the past three weeks have pretty much been a blur. I've been at my parents so ... Wed, 28 Aug 2013 11:13:05 EST The scale and my inches are climbing, in the wrong direction. I've lost it. That spark that I had for the first year to year and a half. Now its almost two years since I started this journey and its gone. Two years in 10 days and yes, I'm still 150 pounds down from where I started, but the scale has slowly started to crawl back up. I've lost my motivation, my healthy eating and my spark. Luckily, the only thing I haven't given on yet, is working out. However, it seems to not be doing too much for me, especially on the weekends. <BR> <BR> I measured m... Tue, 6 Aug 2013 11:00:18 EST I've lost 150+ pounds... and I still feel like I'm 330+pounds. <BR> <BR> I know how to lose the weight. I've done it. So why is maintaining 50THOUSAND times harder?! I've seen every number in the 180's probably 50 times now... I just can't seem to break past that 181. And now, its back up to 185 and climbing and I feel like I'm failing, fast. <BR> <BR> Summer is hard. I have never, ever had this much fun in the summer. I'm finally starting to come into my own and be comfortable with myself. I'm wearing cuter clot... Mon, 8 Jul 2013 15:26:06 EST I think I just need to be happy with where I am... Up and down, up and down... the scale will move within a 4-7 pound range depending on what I did the weekend before. <BR> Last weekend, again, saw 181 on the scale. Monday, after having a semi good weekend, not too much over indulgences at all, it said 184.4. Really, that's not too bad, and I know some of it is water weight. But I lose it on the weekends. I relax a little bit and don't stay as strict because I want to have fun. <BR> <BR> So maybe I just need to be happy with where I am. Wh... Tue, 4 Jun 2013 09:25:34 EST Struggling... Losing weight was easy.... Maintenance and losing my last 10ish pounds... hardest EVER. <BR> <BR> The lowest weight I've seen is 181.2, the highest recently that I've seen, 191.2. My weight fluctuates so bad after a fun weekend that, yes, I know it is water weight, but some of that weight sticks too. The scale recently, on weigh in days has been 183/184. So I know by this Friday that my weight will be around 184, but seeing that 191 on the scale last night was disheartening. Also, I put on ... Mon, 6 May 2013 11:20:49 EST Complacency... Definition: <BR> A feeling of contentment or self-satisfaction, especially when coupled with an unawareness of danger, trouble, or controversy. <BR> <BR> Wow... that pretty much defines where I am to a tee! <BR> <BR> Saturday I saw the scale go down to the lowest I've seen it yet, 182.4. What did I do Saturday afternoon? Make a batch of cookie dough and order pizza. Something in my brain clicked and said "oh, you did good this week, you can have some cookies and pizza". And I did. A LOT of... Mon, 4 Feb 2013 13:51:45 EST Some overall victories and February NO SPENDING month! Well, its been some times since I've blogged. The end of last year was filled with an overwhelming fear of going backwards that I was depressed most days. However, the week of Christmas I kicked the slump I had been on and moved past the 190's for good! It was hard there for a while. I had already put my mind in maintenance mode, and while it was good that I was maintaining, I wasn't ready to not see that scale go down anymore. I had over a year and a half of watching the scale drop and when ... Thu, 31 Jan 2013 15:05:14 EST Ramblings and such. I'm not much of a blogger. Don't normally have anything to say, or nothing that I haven't said before, and this blog isn't much different. <BR> <BR> I'm about 1.2 pounds away from being 150 pounds lighter than I was in August of 2011. I still get amazed by that number every time I think about it. Is it for real? Was that actually me that did that when I never thought that I could? It sinks in every once in a while, but most days I don't feel too much different. <BR> <BR> I've been having ... Sun, 28 Oct 2012 08:37:15 EST Isn't that fattening? Those are the words that are resonating in my head right now. I hate those three little words with a passion. <BR> <BR> I don't post updates on Facebook very often. This weekend, I did, stating that on Saturday I had had a very productive day and among other things was making a lasagna for dinner. My grandma, who always has to comment on EVERYTHING I post, wrote "Isn't that fattening?" <BR> <BR> First of all... Yes, it is. You already know the answer to that. Obviously, after losing 146 po... Mon, 8 Oct 2012 19:19:25 EST How do you start maintenance? Lately I've been thinking about how to start my maintenance mode. Right now I'm still in weight loss mode, working out seven days a week and eating 1300 or so calories a day, except Saturdays and some Sundays. In a few weeks though, or, should I say in about 10 more pounds, I'm gonna be sort of starting my maintenance. <BR> <BR> I'm lost at even how to start... <BR> <BR> Do I work out the same as I am now with one off day a week? I don't take off days right now other than maybe, MAYBE, on... Wed, 22 Aug 2012 16:17:37 EST One year later... my journey from 337 to 198 (with pics) Exactly one year ago today I was fat, miserable and a whoppin' 337 pounds. Being that large for me in the hot summers made it unbearable. I didn't go outside to do any yard work, didn't go out with friends for outdoor activities and didn't have any fun! My air conditioner broke last July for about two weeks and it was the longest two weeks of my life! I sat on the couch, stewing in 100 degree stale air, eating nothing but ice cream and freezer pops constantly. When my boyfriend and I would go... Mon, 13 Aug 2012 13:36:25 EST Meal planning nerdiness My boyfriend called me a big nerd today. I told him how excited I get meal planning up to two weeks in advance and he called me a nerd... can you believe it?! lol Yea, it really is kinda nerdy, but I like to know what I'm eating, how many calories I'll be consuming and plan for my "cheat" days. <BR> <BR> Part of the reason this life change has gone so well for me is because I don't restrict what I eat. If I'm hungry for pizza, I make flat out pizza's. (flat outs are flat bread/tortilla wra... Mon, 23 Jul 2012 15:50:08 EST What is it that they always say? Slow and steady wins the race. <BR> I hope this is the case, because right now its going very slowly! I sorta knew it was gonna be this way when I got closer to my goal, especially during the summer months. <BR> <BR> June was a great month... what there was of it. It flew by! Every weekend I was doing something where I didn't have great control over my food like I do other months. Garage sales and Birthday parties and weddings... I didn't gain any, but I didn't lose much either! Also, wit... Fri, 6 Jul 2012 11:28:41 EST Color run pics and goal recaps Back at the beginning of February I had set some goals. They consisted of: <BR> <BR> Long term goals: <BR> -Lose 67 more pounds. This would put me at my first goal of 190. I will reevaluate if I want to lose further after that. I don't know if 190 is possible. I'm so tall and have a large frame... I don't know if 190 exists in here. The Wii fit says to be at a healthy weight I should be 148. HAH! Never gonna happen! <BR> -Become a size 18 or smaller. <BR> -Run a 5k <BR> <BR> Medium term go... Thu, 24 May 2012 12:35:18 EST Now my therapist knows I'm obsessed too... I don't often write about really personal stuff on here, but this has to do with my weight loss journey as well, so I thought I'd share. <BR> <BR> My boyfriend and I have been seeing a couples counselor for a few sessions now (he had some issues with lying about certain things, we're getting it worked out). But yesterday the therapist asked us if we were going to go out for dinner tonight or at any point this week. My boyfriend made a sarcastic comment about how we don't go anywhere good an... Tue, 15 May 2012 10:10:51 EST So scared of maintaining... Lately I've been stressing out over maintenance. I have about 40 pounds to go and even though that may take me a few months... I am still really scared of trying to maintain that weight. Yes, the eating healthy and the working out isn't going to stop after I get to my goal weight, but where is that happy medium? <BR> <BR> As sad as it sounds... I feel like I'm missing out on some great food right now. It sounds pathetic, but I feel like to be this person I want to be, I can't have more than... Thu, 19 Apr 2012 15:27:42 EST 100 pounds down... with pics. For the past 75 pounds or so I've been contemplating what I would write if I ever got to 100 pounds lost. Well I'm here and I still don't know what to say! When I started this journey, 337 pounds and a size 30-32 pants and 26-28 top, I never thought I would get here. I remember the first few weeks felt like they were just DRAGGING on and on and on. There were many times I wanted to give up or give in and just over eat. But I held strong, didn't give in to too many temptations and am now at 23... Mon, 2 Apr 2012 14:26:03 EST Evaluating my Priorities - (with pics) I know that I haven't fallen completely off the wagon, however, I do feel like I've become a bit more lax in my efforts. This doesn't fly with me. I can't afford to be in the maintenance mind set right now. I have so much left to lose before I can even consider what that might include. So I have to re-prioritize, remember why I got to where I was in the first place, and why I NEVER want to go back there, EVER, EVER again. <BR> <BR> Long term goals: <BR> -Lose 67 more pounds. This would put ... Mon, 6 Feb 2012 15:24:18 EST Plateaus... in more ways than one. :-( This past couple of weeks has kind of just been exhausting. I had to give up my role as a BLC leader because I just couldn't put forth enough effort and support that the teams need due to a bunch of reasons. I really hate that I let the other leaders down and I hope to be able to get back into it at some point, but right now... I just can't. <BR> <BR> A good friend of mine and my boyfriends got into a car accident a couple of weeks ago. At first they thought it was just a broken nose and c... Mon, 16 Jan 2012 11:26:42 EST New year! New me? With everybody writing their new years blogs, I figured I would as well. I have a couple things that I haven't been able to stop thinking about and am hoping you guys can help me out. <BR> <BR> First of all... Happy 2012 to everyone! I can't believe 2011 is over and we're on to a new year yet again. <BR> <BR> Here goes... <BR> A friend and I were IMing on Friday about the Ren Faire we want to go to this summer. She said she wanted to rent a costume for it and I immediately got nervous. She... Sun, 1 Jan 2012 20:06:18 EST Ch-ch-cha-changes Well Christmas has come and gone (very quickly I might add) without too much stress or over-eating. This year, being healthier, has made me think of all the years past that I ate, ate, ate without even giving it a second thought. This year was way different. Christmas eve day was mostly traveling. The boyfriend and I stopped at Subway where I had a salad for brunch. Dinner at the grandparents consisted of ham sandwiches, cheesy potatoes, pasta salad and beans. I ate two (small) ham sandwiches... Tue, 27 Dec 2011 11:29:26 EST Weekend Recap I was really worried about this past weekend for a few reasons... <BR> First, my boyfriends family Christmas party. I know from years past that the host (his aunt) always makes pasta for Christmas dinner. Before this year, this was great... I loved pasta! Now... not so great! Pasta is something I've tried to cut out completely cause its just empty calories that only taste amazing. I didn't do too bad. I did have a a few stuffed shells and an Italian sausage link. The deserts were tempting an... Mon, 19 Dec 2011 09:55:50 EST Weights/Sizes How do you lose sizes and inches? I am losing weight just fine, but my inches are pretty much sticking. I started at a TIGHT 28 at 337 and have lost 59 pounds (now 278) and am only at a tight 26... Is it supposed to be going down more than that? I have started to step it up a bit and get back into strength training and have started using the stairmaster for about 10 minutes a day so far. I want these inches to go down, down, down!!! Am I just still too big for them to go down any? Tue, 13 Dec 2011 13:42:50 EST Health Survey - stolen from Daniellesautumn! 1. What did you eat for breakfast? <BR> Oatmeal with raspberries <BR> <BR> 2. How much water do you drink a day? <BR> Not enough. Mostly depends on the day. About 2 big glasses throughout the day at work, two more after working out and one or two with dinner. Gotta be careful or I'm up all night! <BR> <BR> 3. What is your favorite workout? <BR> Elliptical - all I really do so far. Gotta branch out! <BR> <BR> 4. What is your favorite fruit? <BR> Raspberries and Cuties (oranges) <BR> <BR>... Thu, 1 Dec 2011 16:23:20 EST Goals and Updates Hi everyone! Things have finally started to settle down a little bit over here and I finally have some time to blog. <BR> <BR> Updates from the last time... not much! Been so busy with Christmas shopping, baby showers, friends over for the weekend, cleaning and so on that I haven't had time to do much else! I have only missed two days of exercise in the past three weeks though! I'm making a very conscious effort to get to the gym whenever possible, even if I only have 30 minutes to work o... Wed, 30 Nov 2011 14:42:23 EST Am I doing this wrong? **This will probably be long and rambly...I apologize in advance!** <BR> <BR> Tuesday night I had a free physical health assessment test with my new gym (Golds). I knew it was going to be figuring out my BMI/Body Fat Percentage, where I am health wise and so on, but the whole thing kind of threw me for a loop... <BR> <BR> I get there and of course this trainger is BUFF. Muscles on muscles and physically fit. He gets some information about me and asks my weight. I tell him it is 292 and he g... Thu, 17 Nov 2011 16:15:09 EST Week 4: BLC 12 Challenge Reflection for the BLC #12, week 4- I'M ALMOST AT MY GOAL!!! I wanted to have a reasonable goal, something that I knew would be attainable after an 8 week challenge. 290, my goal, is only ONE pound away!! I'm hoping to be at 288 next week, blowing my goal out of the water. I wanted to only miss three days of working out in this 8 week period. Today was the 4th day I've missed, but I think I'm ok with that.... I'm on track and doing well. <BR> Can't wait to finish this last four weeks! <BR... Sun, 13 Nov 2011 20:11:02 EST My weight starts with a 2!!! HOLY CRAP!!! I honestly don't know the last time my weight started with a 2... Probably over 5 years ago. I don't remember... All I know is that it does now and I will NEVER, EVER see that 3 as a first number ever again!! <BR> <BR> I know this is totally doable now and it just takes patience! I remember two months ago and how mad I was that it felt like it was going soooo slow... Now, two months ago seems like yesterday and I can't believe I've taken off 41 pounds overall!! <BR> <BR> I h... Sun, 6 Nov 2011 22:15:10 EST I hate (bad) change!! I work from home so I get the mail on my lunch break. Today, I got something completely unexpected.... a letter from my gym stating that they were closing........ WHAAAT!!!!!!! Not in a month from now, not even next week... TODAY. Are you serious?! This has gotta be a joke... NOOOO!!!!! I called there right away and asked the girl if they'd be open the rest of today. She said she doubted it and was just waiting for a phone call from the GM to give the go ahead to close the doors for good. S... Mon, 31 Oct 2011 16:39:19 EST WOW!! I'm really doing this!! 3.3 pounds until I've lost 40 pounds!! That is insane to me! I NEVER thought I would have even gone this far! I hate to think about how much I have left... but it's not too far away until 50 or even 60 pounds! I'm gonna shoot for 60 pounds by New Years. That's two months and TOTALLY doable. Its gonna take a lot of will power with Thanksgiving and Christmas in there, but not at all unattainable! 290's look out.... you won't be around for long!! <BR> <BR> Halloween came and went and I was AWE... Mon, 31 Oct 2011 12:08:04 EST I feel like I'm drowning... Wow. Life just goes along, all fine and dandy, until one day.... WHACK! You have so much to do you can't keep up... <BR> For the past four weeks now, I've had a friend over on the weekends. Two different friends, rotating weekends, but people here none the less. At least my house has been staying relatively clean. But, it has messed up my diet and focus like you wouldn't believe. Before four weeks ago, I was losing seven pounds a week and sticking to a diet that was 1200 or so calories a day... Wed, 26 Oct 2011 15:20:43 EST My first compliment I got my first semi-compliment yesterday about losing weight. It was more of a "so you're losing weight, huh? Me too." type of thing, but at least it was noticeable enough for him to tell. I haven't thought it was noticeable so much... I can tell that my pants are fitting looser and my face might be a bit thinner, but for someone else to notice (my boyfriend says he can tell when he hugs me, I think he's just being sweet!) is just a good incentive to keep going. <BR> <BR> Yesterday I did my... Tue, 18 Oct 2011 10:49:28 EST Letter to myself! For our Biggest Loser Challenge #12 we have to write a letter to ourselves to read at the end of the 8 weeks... <BR> <BR> Hey you, <BR> <BR> Great job with your 8 week challenge! You ate healthy, tried hard, and worked out almost every day! You are working on becoming a fit, healthy, SKINNY you! Some of the goals you wanted to strive towards on this journey were to lose 15 pounds by the end of the challenge. GREAT JOB at exceeding that goal! When you first started your weight loss back in... Mon, 17 Oct 2011 10:21:35 EST Another 7! I think I found my sweet spot!!! Working out 65 minutes a day and eating around 1300 calories seems to give me good results. I think I'll be sticking with this routine and see what happens! <BR> <BR> I also think I'm gonna need to amend my goals. I had a goal of 300 by Christmas, but at this rate, I'll be there by Nov 1st!! I'll look into maybe doing 290 by Christmas. Something attainable but not too our of reach. Gives me something to strive for. <BR> <BR> Well my friend is here and w... Sat, 8 Oct 2011 11:43:35 EST So it's been a little while... I'm still here. I still Spark every day. I just don't know what to blog about... not a big blogger, not too witty or anything. So I just watch my calories, do my work outs, stalk other peoples pages and be on my merry way. <BR> <BR> Last week wasn't as good as the week before. I didn't lose anything, but didn't gain anything either. Just a break even week. I kind of figured I wouldn't lose anything with plans to go to BW3 one day with a friend I haven't seen in a while (though, I did watch ... Thu, 6 Oct 2011 09:19:39 EST Oh, Happy Day!! SEVEN POUNDS!!!!!! <BR> <BR> Where did that come from?! I definitely worked harder than usual this week, but seven pounds hard?! I guess so! I am soooo stoked! <BR> <BR> I love that what I'm doing is working. I have been eating around 1400 calories a day and working out every day. I haven't taken a day off in over two weeks and the next day I know that I'll be taking off is Thursday. I have to go out of town for work and have to leave really early and won't get home till really late. I'm ... Sun, 25 Sep 2011 16:38:14 EST Shoulda, woulda, coulda I tend to dwell on the things I can't do because I'm fat... Lucky for me, exercise is not one of them. Did an awesome 65 minutes on the elliptical today and felt amazing afterwards. Low calorie intake today too makes me hope for the best on weigh in day. However, watching the biggest loser and reading blogs makes me think about all the things I wish I could do... <BR> <BR> This past Sunday my work sponsored a day at Great America. They rent out the whole park for just our work and let you ha... Tue, 20 Sep 2011 23:15:23 EST Such a worry wart! So my last blog was kind of negative nancyish but I was just in that mood for some reason. I weighed in today and was at 321, down two more pounds. I am looking forward to Sunday's weigh in already hoping to be in at 319. Oh, that would be fantastic. On track for my goal of 300 by xmas! Its definitely going to take some effort during the holidays but nothing I can't handle. <BR> Just checking in with my weight lose for the week and now I'm off to bed. G'night Sparkies. Sun, 18 Sep 2011 21:29:15 EST Nervous and a little discouraged! I have seen a few posts this week from people that have been on here a while that lost a lot this week and it surprised them. I'm really happy for them and was hoping mine would be the same outcome. However, my official weigh in day is tomorrow and I am sooooo nervous. I stepped on the scale this morning to see what I should be looking forward to and it was the exact same number as last week. This week I worked out harder than usual, doing 60 minutes on the elliptical instead of my usual 45. ... Sat, 17 Sep 2011 17:32:18 EST