ONEKIDSMOM's SparkPeople Blog ONEKIDSMOM's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Thieving emotions and coping strategies <img src=""> <BR> <BR> "Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength." - Leo Buscaglia <BR> <BR> Eight years ago about now, I learned that my son was going to be deployed for the first time, as a reservist. I knew I had to do something to handle the worry and anxiety that are natural under those kind of circumstance. And stuffing the feelings with food was not going to be strong... Wed, 24 May 2017 07:41:14 EST Yeah, Jekkyl and Hyde... that's my world Seems to me that this year, in fact, dating back to last November with Fall #1 and the concussion, I have been in this cycle of low motivation / feeling I'm getting back / celebration / rebellion... <BR> <BR> Jekkyl and Hyde... I'll have a really good week... the Boston trip, for example... or last week. Then I'll slide off the side of the road... feel sorry for myself, or find myself comparing my life to the lives of others... and feeling either "less than" or worse, envious. Ugly feelin... Tue, 23 May 2017 07:46:39 EST Next? A fresh new week. <BR> <BR> Not a lot new to say... I have a rotating workout plan. I have a training nutrition plan. Life is good if we just execute the plans! <BR> <BR> For today: <BR> <BR> * Eat what's in the bag, that's why you packed it! <BR> <BR> * Remember to go to recess... Chloe the indoor pool has an appointment for after work. <BR> <BR> * Remember to breathe, prioritize, and delegate! <BR> <BR> Now let's all get out there and live the very best Monday, May 22, 2017 we c... Mon, 22 May 2017 07:30:49 EST Social challenge ahead This afternoon, my non-Sparking sister and I will be driving a ways to attend the high school graduation party of a "next generation cousin". For those of you who use the meticulous identification that my grandmother did, she's a first cousin, once removed... i.e. the daughter of our first cousin. <BR> <BR> We're not in these cousins' lives on a regular basis, other than on-line, but since the last time we went "out to the farm", it was on the occasion of our Aunt's passing, we wanted to go... Sun, 21 May 2017 15:03:30 EST Getting permission from the son... We seem to have fallen into a Friday afternoon/evening phone call from the mythical son to me. He tells me about his week and practicum (apparently yesterday he was cursed and yelled at my a little old lady patient in hospice who didn't take a shine to him); I tell him about my current triumphs and woes, and in a case like yesterday, I bump my next training desires up against his common sense. <BR> <BR> You see, this week, a biking friend of mine responded to my post of one of the heart scu... Sat, 20 May 2017 08:29:38 EST Testing those swim exercises After work yesterday, I headed for the gym, and spent 1000 yards with Chloe. Since the exercises BJ had be doing on Wednesday were to *balance* the ones I use in freestyle swimming, and to strengthen accessory muscles, it went really well. I felt strong and relaxed. Since I didn't take the Garmin or track the swim other than with the clock on the wall, I was not stressed about performance or speed. I focused on form during the freestyle lap, and rotated out with 100 yards apiece of sidest... Fri, 19 May 2017 07:59:23 EST Have I mentioned I love working with a trainer? Yes, even when she whips my little old lady fanny with her creative design of "let's try this" stuff? <BR> <BR> Yesterday afternoon, I let her know what had fired up the DOMS, what else I did in rotation of workouts, and how long it had lasted, to give her an idea of what to avoid / try... and she'd been doing her research on exercises that help swimmers, specifically, since I had said don't leave out the other two sports. Last week had been focused on exercises to help runners. <BR> <BR> ... Thu, 18 May 2017 07:25:33 EST Up for the challenge? I have an appointment with BJ this afternoon after work. This morning, I'm hoping I'm up for it. Why? Because that "easy" run yesterday afternoon whipped my fanny... my core and my hamstrings were griping at me overnight. <BR> <BR> So... here's hoping that the workday is enough time to have the recovery I need to benefit from the next workout! <BR> <BR> Meanwhile: <BR> <BR> * The food bag is packed. Remember to eat what's in it. Anything beyond that is "not my food." <BR> <BR> * Re... Wed, 17 May 2017 07:37:49 EST Yeah, that WAS a good workout Strength session on Saturday, swim on Sunday, rest on Monday, and the DOMS are still present on Tuesday morning? Yep. Hope to get an easy run in this afternoon before the front of T-boomers comes through this evening. There, wrote it down, increasing the likelihood that it will happen. <BR> <BR> Here's the loose plan: four day rotation - run day, strength day (on the books with BJ for Wednesday afternoon), swim recovery, rest day... putting a long and easy run/walk on Saturday, solo stre... Tue, 16 May 2017 07:42:20 EST Ready for Monday? You bet... all the things a weekend should be, this one was: I got enough sleep! And I got some activity in, the kind that keeps stress and anxiety away: walks outdoors, a recovery swim after a solid strength session with a trainer... feeling like an athlete again! <BR> <BR> I had more phone calls than usual from the mythical son over the course of the past week, and got reassurance that he had been in touch with his dad (dad had an anniversary of significance this past week, that of his ... Mon, 15 May 2017 07:27:36 EST If Mother's Day gives moms pampering and nurturing... today started out right, for this mother! <BR> <BR> Full night's sleep for one thing (Fitbit said 8.1 hours). Healthy breakfast (as usual). Got the recycles to the center (and observed the three others who were doing this same chore also looked like moms)! <BR> <BR> And then repaired to the gym, where Chloe (the pool) welcomed me. 900 yards of rotating strokes (my version of "intervals" in swimming... 100 yards freestyle, then 100 of side stroke, 100 of freestyle, 100 of breast and eleme... Sun, 14 May 2017 10:39:40 EST Working out to whip my little old lady butt So this was the first true session with my new trainer, B.J. We had our plotting / planning two weeks ago... today was the first workout. She'd done her research, and she did NOT take it easy on me! I got there early and had pre-warmed up, so we got right to it. <BR> <BR> It was an assessment, yes, but she started out with the "accessory" muscles for runners, and we worked on finding where I am with them all today. We worked abductors and adductors, hip flexors and core, including obliqu... Sat, 13 May 2017 11:23:45 EST On the plus side The eye doctor does not think vision was contributing to the falls over the winter. He says normally vision problems can cause falls (due to changes in depth perception) when the eyes develop significant differences... he observed that both eyes had deteriorated slightly in the past year, but not unevenly. And when he showed me the difference in the two prescriptions... a year ago and yesterday, there really wasn't a big difference. <BR> <BR> I'm getting new lenses anyway, mainly because t... Fri, 12 May 2017 07:51:57 EST Once again trying to jump start the economy... all by myself! <BR> <BR> I'm certainly working at keeping the Medical industry in business... and I'm not alone in that... I'm only paying a certain percentage, but boy it's a whopper, starting back last November, and continuing now and into the future. <BR> <BR> Then there was the great Boston Adventure... airfare, hotel, etc. <BR> <BR> But since I got home? Well, I handed the check to the deck guy. And this afternoon... new lenses for my glasses. Thankfully, with the frames, I can ... Thu, 11 May 2017 20:15:22 EST Miscellaneous Wednesday Let's see, what else is going on besides that half marathon? <BR> <BR> Well, on Monday, the last of the hail damage from a year ago that's covered by insurance was mitigated: i.e. my deck was finished. The dude had power washed it, then sanded and pounded the protruding nails back in earlier. As in last week, and the week before. But he was weather delayed, and after recent rain, wanted to wait until it was fully dry before putting on the oil based stain. It soaked up five gallons of th... Wed, 10 May 2017 08:03:01 EST Using residual as motivation for maintaining and for regaining fitness, for that matter. <BR> <BR> If nothing else, finishing (and not falling down) on Sunday made me appreciate how far I've come, even *with* the back-sliding, rocky, roller-coaster of brat versus angel, sabotage versus victory thoughts, etc. <BR> <BR> There were times in my past, I realized, when the disappointment of "losing" fitness turned into a spiral of regaining weight and giving in to the self-sabotage. Or at least was an element in the emotional mix at the ti... Tue, 9 May 2017 07:16:54 EST Recovery day - assimilation day As I usually do after a big event, I took today off work. I do this for two reasons: physical recovery and mental assimilation. Given that I did the half marathon on "residual fitness", not being as well trained for it as I would like, I anticipated that I might be a bit on the stiff / tight side today. <BR> <BR> This has proved to be the case. I swam this morning, 750 yards, rotating strokes. Mid morning I took a walk in the neighborhood, noting the day is warming up... it's supposed to... Mon, 8 May 2017 15:39:38 EST An event done on residual fitness residual: of, or having the nature of a residue... left over after part or most is taken away; remaining. My last half marathon was in November, prior to my fall and concussion. But one does not lose all of one's fitness during recovery from injury. Between that injury, and a couple of illnesses, though, I could tell I *was* losing fitness. Still, I figured I would be safe to walk this half marathon today, even with the poor training I'd done... based on what should be left over from whe... Sun, 7 May 2017 17:01:27 EST Fueling the motivational pump <img src=""> <BR> <BR> My turn for the selfie with our motivational speaker, Dave McGillivray, Boston Marathon race director, who will be running the 40th Lincoln Marathon, tomorrow, while I walk the half. He gave a great talk about his personal journey both as a runner and a race director... and even had pictures of when he came through Lincoln when he ran coast to coast in 1978 (photos of our then Mayor giving ... Sat, 6 May 2017 14:53:09 EST This year's public art project <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I noticed early in the year that a new shape of public statue had started to crop up. Some of you who've been around for a while... might remember (or might not, it's not a regular topic on my blogs) that our town does these "public art" projects, where a whole bunch of "blanks" of a given shape are created, then local artists go wild decorating them for placement in specific sponsored spot... Sat, 6 May 2017 06:36:43 EST The mile markers are up <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> No, I did not walk all the way between the signs to take their pictures... although if I did it would have been a short cut and only about 6 or 7 miles between them. <em>334</em> <BR> <BR> Picked up my packet. Said hey to several of my running buddies from years past, including coach Eddie... Fri, 5 May 2017 18:47:10 EST May the Fourth be with you... and also with me! <BR> <BR> I need that "fourth"... "force"... to keep me as Anne McCaffrey would have it, "blooding my kill" as far as food intake is concerned. Yes, we are three days out from the Lincoln National Guard Marathon / Half Marathon... and MIRAGE727 will be in town to run it. I have been cleared to walk the half, and my carb-loading has been pre-done and overdone, so have to keep myself in check for the next three days! Hydrate but don't overload on the food (or over-restrict... Thu, 4 May 2017 18:16:27 EST When you know what to do, and you know why you want to... do you ever have trouble making yourself do it, anyway? <BR> <BR> Confession: I do. <BR> <BR> 'nuff said. <BR> <BR> For today: <BR> <BR> * The bag is packed. Remember to eat what's in it, not any random junk that might appear in your life! <BR> <BR> * Remember to go to recess. <BR> <BR> * Remember to breathe, prioritize, and delegate. <BR> <BR> Now let's get out there and do the best we can with the one and only Tuesday, May 2, 2017 we'll ever get! <em>593</em> Tue, 2 May 2017 07:42:46 EST Five things This morning's Spark Coach visualization (at least where I am in the review of Spark Coach's Consistency and Motivation program) is to picture Five Things: "Picture five things you want in your life, whether they are people, goals, experiences or things. How will reaching your small goals today help you achieve those dreams, too?" <BR> <BR> What five things do I want in my life? <BR> <BR> 1. Health. Funny thing about health, when you have it, it is easy to take for granted. When you don... Mon, 1 May 2017 07:42:11 EST Bonus blog - ahhhhh! Back in the pool! Chloe, I've missed you! This is Chloe, the indoor gym pool: <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> There is no better "alone" time than in the space between one's ears while swimming laps... relax into it... focus on breathing and rhythm and form... and let the watch keep track of the laps. <BR> <BR> I was in the pool for just shy of 30 minutes this morning, and only covered 750 yards. In the first two ... Sun, 30 Apr 2017 13:14:44 EST SGCC Activity 1: Why do I want to be healthy & fit? SparkGuy and Beck coincide! <BR> <BR> The funny thing about systems that WORK is that they contain similar elements. Whether we are talking about Beck's (The Beck Diet Solution: train your brain to think like a thin person) or Siebold's, or right here on Spark... they all have you thinking about your motivation. <BR> <BR> Even before refining our aims into SMART goals (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Responsible, Time-related), there is the WHY we want to achieve ANY bi... Sun, 30 Apr 2017 09:34:29 EST The transition continues Some of the comments in response to my MRI results disclosure blog indicated that the responder would have felt anxiety. Believe me, I do, I have, but I am a rational being, as well as an emotional one, and in fact, prize that rational side. Did I mention the MRI indicated my left brain lobe is larger than the right? <em>246</em> Fascinating stuff, really. <BR> <BR> Still no scheduled test... methinks the doctor's office and the insurance company must be having "discussions" about its... Sat, 29 Apr 2017 11:13:11 EST Just a quick one I must be getting better... I was able to sleep well last night, and didn't hack up a lung (only about a quarter of one) on arising. Energy returns with better sleep... and with better nutrition. Yesterday I was able to hold the line. <BR> <BR> It's a Thursday, but it feels like a Friday. So much so that I automatically put the red top on. Why does it feel like a Friday? Because tomorrow will be celebrated as Nebraska's "unique" holiday: Arbor Day. Like Patriots' Day in Massachusett... Thu, 27 Apr 2017 07:55:52 EST Nothing either good or bad The Shakespeare quote comes to mind: "There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so". Yep, it's all between the ears. Long accepted wisdom. Had it quoted to me at my mother's knee. <BR> <BR> Well, that's the way I am going to have to view the current version of reality in my life. I have been avoiding writing about the results of the MRI... because... because... because... although I've had them in my hot little hands for a week... I'm not sure what / how they are REALLY ... Wed, 26 Apr 2017 07:24:31 EST It's Friday but it doesn't quite feel that way Travel shakes things up. I don't think I had a feeling of "day of the week" yesterday at all, it felt surreal due to the silly cold. So today... doesn't really feel like "Friday"... but it doesn't really feel like "Tuesday" either. The silly cold is going through its phases, hopefully a little better each day. <BR> <BR> Regardless: <BR> <BR> * The bag is packed. Remember to eat what's in it, that's why you packed it! <BR> <BR> * Remember to go to recess. Time away from the desk is goo... Fri, 21 Apr 2017 07:45:30 EST Back of the pack and re-entry back home I wanted to say a word or two about the "back of the packers". I watched them, Monday evening, take the time clock down in Kenmore Square. People wearing marathon bibs were still coming through when they did. The clock had 7 hours and some minutes on it at that point. A short time later they started taking the barricades off the street and allowing vehicular traffic through... those that were still "on course" would be directed onto the sidewalk to go the final mile, while ordinary people... Wed, 19 Apr 2017 18:36:59 EST The full spectator experience In case *anybody* missed it, the whole reason for my trip to Boston (which is about to end... flying home today) was to support my brother in his second running of the Boston Marathon. This is a HUGE achievement, and this year he came early enough to soak in the entire weekend experience. I came early enough to do so last year, and learned a lot that translated to this year, but some things did change. And some things changed just by his being here early enough to spread things out. <BR> ... Tue, 18 Apr 2017 06:33:08 EST Long line but moves pretty well <img src=""> <BR> Pre race pasta dinner line for Boston marathon runners and families. That line wrapped all the way around Government center. <BR> <BR> It was a good enough, efficient enough deal last year to do the night before the marathon pasta dinner, so Kevin bought tickets for us for this year too. We determined that today needed to be as close to a rest day as we could make it for him. The goal is for M... Sun, 16 Apr 2017 20:22:01 EST Easter Sunday in a crowded city <img src=""> <BR> Photo from Friday. The city of Boston is decked out for both Easter and Patriots Day. This is the firehouse just blocks from the finish line. <BR> <BR> This morning I started my walk at about 7 a.m. local time. I wanted to check the step count from hotel to Charles street, where the buses board tomorrow morning. I observed how the barricades are starting to be placed. All the way from hotel ... Sun, 16 Apr 2017 09:00:22 EST Echoes of last year. <img src=""> <BR> Just to get the photo loaded. I will edit to add the story. <BR> <BR> Saturday's tale: <BR> Kevin got to town in time to do packet pick up and expo Friday, and he wanted to sleep as long as he could this morning. So I ventured out without disturbing him with a text or a phone call, in search of batteries for my toothbrush (it died last night) and Starbucks quarter caff. By the time Kevin texte... Sat, 15 Apr 2017 16:09:57 EST Stepping around the Back Bay Since I got here a full day before my brother, and the locals are kind of busy living their lives... I've been stepping around the Back Bay, playing my mind games: runner / spectator / local just trying to live their life / worker on behalf of the city and the race... <BR> <BR> Found my way to some of the landmark places of last year. Trader Joe's was yesterday's first priority. Found my way to the Public Gardens this morning, by way of the triple blue line and the Marathon Finish line. ... Fri, 14 Apr 2017 14:39:59 EST Travel Day = Long day I had the alarm set to 3:30 a.m. because of the 6:15 a.m. flight time. <BR> <BR> Got the trash to the curb, the last minute re-arrangement of my "all carry-on" packing, and myself into layers for the trip. I was grateful for them as I always get cold on airplanes. After all, it's -79*F outside that plane's skin. <BR> <BR> Made sure the kitties were both inside, then backed out of the garage and headed for the airport. <BR> <BR> I had pre-packed my rolled oats soaked overnight in sk... Thu, 13 Apr 2017 20:08:12 EST Ready or not Yesterday morning's adventure involved making up my own music in my head to go with the LOUD clicks, horns, bells and beeps of the MRI machine while they took a look at my brain. Then the curiosity of watching the ultrasound of the carotid arteries while the noise to THAT machine was more steady beat or whoosh of blood moving. <BR> <BR> Nobody watching either machine paled or rushed out to call a doctor, so... naturally my mind went in the direction of I'm spending a bunch of money on tests... Wed, 12 Apr 2017 15:49:29 EST A little late with the pep talk... only because I happen to have a little more time this morning. I'm not going to work until after some medical tests the doctor ordered up. I gave myself plenty of room in my request for the time, figuring no sense showing up for work at 8, then having to immediately leave to get back to the car and drive across town. <BR> <BR> This is my last work day before the big trip... I don't fly until Thursday, but as is my usual practice, I take a day off before the travel day, and one after arrivi... Tue, 11 Apr 2017 09:39:30 EST About lines in the sand I've used this concept before... during tough life phases. Decide what you absolutely will NOT give up in terms of self-care. That's the line in the sand. One time it was that I would NOT give up recess, at work. <BR> <BR> Talking with my son and daughter in law yesterday, I had some things I'd been thinking confirmed: running for speed is OUT, at this point. Don't even THINK about biking. Consider alternative forms of exercise... <BR> <BR> Swimming. Baby steps. I put the goggles o... Mon, 10 Apr 2017 08:02:37 EST Time for the IR list line in the sand Sooooo... after my couple of weeks of self-pity party, and some educational conversations with my son, who is far more of an expert on traumatic brain injury than am I... <BR> <BR> and after watching myself indulge in self-destructive behavior with food throughout the self-pity party... knowing full well what I was doing... and watching the scale very obediently recording the ease with which the previously overweight can regain... <BR> <BR> I think I'm done. I say I think, because I'm ne... Sun, 9 Apr 2017 18:21:41 EST Permission from our kids So, y'all know I've been having these internal struggles. You have no idea (or maybe you do) how hard it is to NOT sign up for events! But I have avoided signing on, despite reading the Facebook posts of friends with whom I've run them before, despite the pull of pride and competitiveness. But... to fit the title... phone call from son last night gave me "permission" to not be so epic... for at least six months, considering the fall history. <BR> <BR> The Boston trip is rushing up at me.... Sat, 8 Apr 2017 10:05:25 EST Radio Silence When you want neither sympathy nor advice... and you know you're not even going to listen to your own pep talk... yep, that's when radio (spark blog) silence takes over. <BR> <BR> So you lurk, and you read the blogs of others, and you work on the fat between the ears. And pray for when the corner will be turned and "normal" and "sane", i.e. the healthy habits you've worked so hard on... become easy again. You marvel over things like "I'm tired of doing this" as though the thought were an a... Fri, 7 Apr 2017 07:57:43 EST Proof of Life Oh, yeah, my Spark buds know me. They know I talk (blog)... all... the... time. And it freaks a few of them out when I miss a day. Or worse, more than a day. One or another of them will send a Spark mail or a Goodie or something and joggle my elbow when I go on "blog strike"... just to make sure I'm still breathing. <BR> <BR> Yesterday I ran out of time and didn't blog before work. I tripped, dropped my then-empty cereal bowl, shattering it... right in my own home. By the time I cleane... Tue, 4 Apr 2017 07:56:25 EST New toy (cough) tool Those of you who followed me to Boston last year might remember the blog in which I describe that my phone drained to 2% power, right when it was most needed... time to re-connect with my brother when he crossed the finish line! <BR> <BR> <link><BR>urnal_individual.asp?blog_id=6146773 </link> <BR> <BR> It was the trip of a lifetime, and in about a week and a half, I'm going to do it again... fly out for the spectacle that is Boston on Marathon weekend... Sun, 2 Apr 2017 18:01:22 EST Visuals If I were defined purely by what I weigh at my home range, I would be identical to this: <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> If I were defined purely by the pounds I lost "the last time", it would be this: <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Yes, I dropped 2/5 of my weight... and it makes a huge difference in how one feels. <BR> <BR> BUT, even now,... Fri, 31 Mar 2017 07:15:11 EST One more perfection blog: what *is* perfect, anyway? I admit to being a little bit of a baiter, hoping for this comment to come out. One of the most positive people I know (SLENDERELLA61) defended her choice of "in a heartbeat" wanting to be perfect if she could, against my "isolation" argument: <BR> <BR> She said: "In my mind a perfect person would not be isolated. They would be cheerful and kind and patient and right always because that is what perfect is to me." <BR> <BR> Exactly: that is what is perfect to her! It all depends on how w... Thu, 30 Mar 2017 07:29:29 EST The votes are in First let me say there is NO right answer to "Would you want to be perfect if you could be?" <BR> <BR> Notice that I posed the question, but I did not answer it. Most of the commenters on yesterday did the same, not answering directly. Only THREE enthusiastic, optimistic Spark friends say "Yes!" Nine essentially said "No". The remaining 32, like myself, did not directly answer the question... may have agreed that balance in life is a good thing, or said perfection is not possible, or ans... Wed, 29 Mar 2017 07:13:05 EST If you could be perfect, would you want to be? "Sorry you're going through this rough patch..." or words to that effect. We write it to one another regularly in comments... I've said it, and I've had it said to me... but... if I could wake up one day and life was perfect (or *I* responded perfectly in every situation)... would I want it to be? <BR> <BR> This kind of harks back to the blog about "lack of drama"... but also brings up the old saying: "When you're green you grow. When you're ripe, you rot." I'd rather be growing than rot... Tue, 28 Mar 2017 06:37:37 EST When self-talk gets hung up... Oh, yeah. This is the one is about the fat between the ears that yesterday's status hinted at. <BR> <BR> Some of us are pros at second-guessing and arguing with ourselves. This goes from the childhood ponderings over "stranger danger" (how do you tell the difference between a stranger and a friend you haven't met yet?) to the kind of thing I'd been encountering since deciding NOT to race on Saturday. <BR> <BR> It gets fueled by seeing your running buddies who *did* run post their results.... Mon, 27 Mar 2017 07:53:14 EST