OAKTREE10's SparkPeople Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=OAKTREE10 OAKTREE10's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community SparkPeople.com http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ my friend... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6346474 once i went out and walked around the town. nobody even looked at me, i did see some kids looking at me and laughing, as i pounded an ice cream, i looked in a store window and didn't even recognize myself! i was just wearing my baggy pants, over-sized t-shirt, and a hoodie to make myself invisible. <BR> <BR> i felt so horrible, i went home crying and talked to my closest friend. i felt so bad, so depressed, so fat, so ugly. <BR> <BR> my friend said, "well, seriously... you ARE fat, you are... Mon, 10 Apr 2017 10:52:38 EST it is a BE-U-TIFUL day! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6346461 the sun is shining <em>67</em> <BR> <BR> i hear birds chirping <em>586</em> <BR> <BR> i smell wet dirt <em>378</em> <BR> <BR> i am gonna take things S-L-O-W <em>228</em> <BR> <BR> usually, i either RUSH RUSH RUSH <em>186</em> or i just sit on the couch all day, eating everything, wishing the day away. <em>15</em> <BR> <BR> i think that is why time goes SO fast for me. heck it is already APRIL! what the heck? where did March go, or February? it is so hard for me to be i... Mon, 10 Apr 2017 10:33:28 EST how can i start? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6323406 how can i start?i am siting here at 220.8 pounds, i see my huge stomach, thinking about how hard it is just to get up from the floor, and i am totally Unmotivated. <em>234</em> <BR> <BR> my hubby said that he was going to start with me today, but he isn't. <em>39</em> <BR> <BR> i know that i have failed SO many times, really, it isn't even funny anymore. how can i believe in myself? <em>15</em> <BR> <BR> i know that when i get done with (if i actually do one) my work out, i won't ... Wed, 1 Mar 2017 11:56:05 EST stepping stones and road blocks... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6275735 yup, i am back. i thought i might write down some things that motivate and inspire me. a list that i can look to when i don't want to work out, when i want to eat a pizza, or a pint of ice cream. and i also wanted to write down another list of things i need to avoid, so that i don't start down the giving up road. <BR> <BR> motivational/inspiring activities: "stepping stones" <BR> <BR> *music (rock, country, Christian, pop, etc.) <em>276</em> <BR> *watching inspirational videos (Biggest L... Sat, 3 Dec 2016 11:09:07 EST time to get real... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6143636 i have never been here before. i think this is the lowest and highest i have ever been. feeling the lowest, weighing the highest. i am 48 years old, and in a few months 49. i weigh more than i even did, when i was pregnant. i weigh 230 pounds. i think i am very close to what my husband weighs. i could never fathom weighing 200 pounds, then 210, then 220, and now??? <BR> <BR> i have decided to write what i feel. first and foremost, this is not a pity party. i want to be able to look back, kno... Sat, 16 Apr 2016 15:21:09 EST commitment. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5786052 oh lookie! i took another "break" and now i am back. <em>2</em> . what is wrong with me? how many times am i gonna start <em>104</em> and stop? <em>24</em> . goodness, it is like a vicsious circle! <em>39</em> . i keep SAYING i am committed, but then something, someone, whatever happens and i fall off the wagon again. <em>198</em> i give excuses, like "well, it is a holiday or birthday <em>44</em> , or maybe i was sick <em>527</em> , didn't get enough sleep <em>102</em> , ... Wed, 24 Sep 2014 10:24:33 EST DVD player not working, too humid to run????? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5720288 well, i was really about at my wits end <em>198</em> . <BR> <BR> i had planned on working out to a dvd work out, and darn, if the dvd player wasn't working! <em>28</em> what am i gonna do? i looked outside and it looked nice <em>67</em> , but it was WAY to humid, i knew that i couldn't run. i couldn't ask my hubby to look at the dvd player, he was sleeping <em>102</em> , and we DO have a treadmill <em>315</em> , but it is in my bedroom where the "bear" <em>174</em> , was slee... Wed, 18 Jun 2014 00:55:19 EST when i am my ideal weight, and fitness, THEN i will be happy. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5706715 sound familiar? although i don't consciencly say that, i guess that must be what i am thinking. i refuse to have pictures of me, because "i look and feel so fat!" i don't want to look back at those pictures and see that i actually went out like "THAT"! <em>2</em> i am SO "FUGLY" <em>15</em> <BR> <BR> i want to be totally hot and rockin' by the end of August, i am going to a DEF LEPPARD/KISS concert! <em>104</em> ! SERIOUSLY??? do i think i can lose 47 pounds by then??? <em>198</... Fri, 30 May 2014 10:38:24 EST my drinking problem... H20 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5684743 so, sometimes it is really hard for me to drink water. <em>24</em> i mean, i like it, but sometimes i just forget. <em>198</em> <BR> <BR> so, my daughter is going to Colorado this weekend <em>535</em> , so it was suggested to her to drink lots of water to help with the high elevation <em>358</em> <BR> <BR> first of all, can i say i am SOOOO jealous that she is going??? <em>18</em> geesh, i have never been, and she is just 18, sounds unfair right??? <em>24</em> <BR> <BR> ... Thu, 1 May 2014 09:44:09 EST thinking about a new FITBIT, any advice??? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5683854 so, i am addicted to my FITBIT <em>312</em> ... i love it, but i am wondering if i should get a new one. <em>41</em> . there is nothing wrong with the one i have, but they don't make it anymore, i think it is called an, "ULTRA". it clips on your bra or pants, it tracks steps <em>311</em> , stairs <em>206</em> , intensity <em>358</em> , calories burned <em>326</em> , and sleep <em>102</em> . <BR> <BR> i have seen the "FLEX", which is a wrist band thingy. does anyone have one? ... Wed, 30 Apr 2014 09:56:04 EST i do not understand sparkpeople! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5680938 <BR> <BR> so, just yesterday, i came back to sparkpeople. i haven't been on in a few months. i have been on and off for i don't know how many years. <em>24</em> i have stopped and started so many times. kinda like a fickle girlfriend <em>234</em> <BR> <BR> i just put in my status, "starting again". that was all i wrote, i was pretty ashamed to even write that <em>2</em> . never thought that there would be "likes" for it, and then people commenting, supporting, welcoming me back??... Sat, 26 Apr 2014 12:57:30 EST jealousy monster rises again... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5595904 so, here i am, working out <em>363</em> , eating better <em>180</em> (not great, but making strides). <BR> <BR> and this week, WEEK TWO, i only lost a pound <em>24</em> . yes, i know it is week two, which is notorious for little to no weight loss, but gosh, it is frustrating! <em>234</em> <BR> <BR> then on top of that, at my work (hospital), i was looked down on, that i am not pursuing a career in nursing. now, understand, i have been told many times, by many different people tha... Thu, 16 Jan 2014 12:15:11 EST my mind is playing nasty tricks on me!!!! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5588120 wow, i can not believe how my mind works! <em>234</em> <BR> <BR> i was wallowing in a great big pity party for myself, for "only" losing two freaking pounds <em>46</em> , chastizing myself for not eating less calories <em>180</em> , and not working out more <em>311</em> , when i saw that a few of my spark friends had lost two pounds also! and what did my mind do???? i was so happy for them! what a great accomplishment! <em>243</em> <em>345</em> <em>380</em> <BR> <BR> ... Thu, 9 Jan 2014 13:14:43 EST "what are your road blocks?" http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5584122 what are your road blocks? <em>24</em> my Sensei asked me this question today. he said it might take a while to find out. <BR> <BR> actually, it took me about 20 seconds! <em>40</em> <BR> <BR> what it is, is this... putting my LIKES <em>41</em> before my LOVES <em>334</em> . <BR> <BR> to put it another way... i like to sleep in <em>102</em> , but i LOVE to work out <em>326</em> . <BR> <BR> i like to eat unhealthy foods <em>473</em> <em>76</em> <em>483</em> , but i... Mon, 6 Jan 2014 10:23:23 EST new year... blah, blah, BLAH! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5579101 i want to write how sorry i am for not being here. <em>39</em> <BR> i want to write all of my excuses. <em>24</em> <BR> i want to write how depressed i am. <em>27</em> <BR> i want to write how disappointed in myself i am. <em>40</em> <BR> i want to write how disgusted in myself i am. <em>28</em> <BR> i want to write how stupid i feel for spouting off endless goals and not following through. <em>198</em> <BR> i want to write how THIS time will be different, how "I" am differ... Thu, 2 Jan 2014 09:08:38 EST stupid is as stupid does. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5508788 yup, a quote from the movie, "Forrest Gump" <em>198</em> <BR> <BR> well, have i made a mess of things. i haven't been on sparkpeople, nor fitbit! <em>234</em> i haven't been watching my food intake <em>15</em> , and i haven't been exercising <em>326</em> , i haven't been "wogging" <em>311</em> , i haven't been doing karate <em>216</em> ... <BR> <BR> you are probably saying... "DUH, tammy, i haven't heard a "peep" outta you at all! what the heck happened? i you stuck under s... Wed, 9 Oct 2013 09:52:20 EST one little baby step... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5489159 i haven't been very active on comments and blogs lately... <em>24</em> <BR> <BR> i have been trying to limit time on the computer a bit more... <em>387</em> <BR> <BR> BUT, that doesn't mean i haven't been thinking about all my spark friends and fitbit friends! <em>220</em> <BR> <BR> things for me have been very stressful lately.. just like everyone i am sure. <em>40</em> <BR> <BR> but when things get really intense for me, i usually shut down, and hide. i have done that for Y... Wed, 18 Sep 2013 10:37:32 EST a woman's week at the gym... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5487648 here is a cute little something... please excuse the bad words, but it is REALLY funny. hope you enjoy it as much as i did!!!! <BR> <BR> Dear Diary, <BR> <BR> For my birthday this year, my husband purchased for me a week of personal training at the local health club. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. <BR> <BR> I called the club and made my reservations with a pe... Mon, 16 Sep 2013 20:56:11 EST treadmill, shoes and melissa gilbert... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5478988 well, these past few days have been very stressful. some good stress, some not-so-good. <BR> <BR> just a heads up, this blog is probably gonna be all over the place... so i am sorry ahead of time. <em>24</em> <BR> <BR> money is tight for my family... just like it is for most people. my husband and i work long hours, and many days to make ends meet. (again, like most families)... our car broke down...AGAIN. in the past few months we have put over $2,000 in to it. this time, like previo... Sat, 7 Sep 2013 21:30:34 EST magic number??? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5477704 okay, all you people... i THINK i might have a "magic" number! <em>188</em> if i am correct, that number is anything BELOW 1,800 calories. <em>55</em> remember that blog about less calories or more exercise??? <em>24</em> well, although i dug in my heels, threw myself on the ground with a 45 yr old's version of a temper tantrum, i reduced my calories, to under 1,800. <em>234</em> <BR> <BR> and low and behold, the scale is MOVING down again! <em>2</em> i am still keeping my ... Fri, 6 Sep 2013 11:17:41 EST is it easier to exercise more or eat less, and more healthy? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5474759 so, here i am taking a poll... <BR> <BR> which is easier for you? <BR> <BR> is it easier for you to amp up your work outs(i.e. working out longer, more intensity, more variety, more sweating)? <em>363</em> <BR> <BR> OR <BR> <BR> is it easier for you to eat less calories, use new healthier recipes, use less salt, less pre-packaged food, cut out fast food? <em>483</em> <BR> <BR> <BR> my husband and i were discussing (well, HE was discussing "I" was ranting, moaning, complaining, gri... Tue, 3 Sep 2013 14:59:10 EST FOLLOW UP, from worthless and wasting time. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5472692 everything is quiet at my house. i just woke up from my midnight shift at work. the windows and doors are open, a light cool breeze is coming in. i hear leaves moving in the wind, and birds and other animals all around. i have my coffee in my hand, and i am feeling relaxed. this is a good time, to step back and reflect about my feelings. sometimes the blogs i write, are just a jumbled mess of raw emotions, but this time, i wanted to think though what to write. <BR> <BR> this is a long ... Sun, 1 Sep 2013 15:09:58 EST the 46- fifteen! woo-hoo! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5469915 <BR> i remember going to college, and everyone warned me about the "freshman-15"... <em>2</em> (insert scarey, creepy music here) da, da, DA!!! that is where you go off to college and GAIN 15 pounds over your freshman year. <BR> <BR> well, today, i am making a NEW motivator!!!! the "46- FIFTEEN"! woo-hoo! <em>250</em> <em>104</em> <em>386</em> <em>345</em> <em>212</em> <BR> <BR> wait... what? what is the "46-FIFTEEN" you say? well, i am so glad you asked! <em>211</e... Thu, 29 Aug 2013 12:35:29 EST worthless and wasting time. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5468756 sometimes i wonder how i can be so naive! <em>2</em> <BR> <BR> okay, so here it is... another totally rough and honest blog.... <BR> <BR> i am worthless and wasting the time, body and spirit God gave me. no, i am not trying to gain sympathy, i just came to realize what i must think of myself, if i look at my behavior. <BR> <BR> friends and family have invited me to many places and activities, and i almost ALWAYS say, "no" <em>234</em> this is not because i don't want to, far from i... Wed, 28 Aug 2013 10:08:17 EST my "dream" trainer!!!!!! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5467881 as i sit here, i dream about what if i could have a trainer, train me exclusively for a year... <em>102</em> <BR> <BR> who would it be??? <BR> <BR> since the beginning of when i first started watching Biggest Loser (about 5-6 years ago), i fell in "trainer love" with Jillian Michaels. <em>344</em> she is in your face, yelling, screaming, getting on your butt, to get in gear! <BR> <BR> then, seeing one of the biggest loser (season 7 or 9) with TARA COSTA! wow, i LOVED her, she is ... Tue, 27 Aug 2013 12:40:59 EST fighting with myself... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5465135 honesty blog warning... read at your own risk! well, that me clear this up, ALL of my blogs are honest, but some are a little more brutally real and rough... this is one of those. <BR> <BR> <BR> still here???? are you sure? <BR> <BR> <BR> last chance..... <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> okay, my brave soul... here it is... <em>40</em> <BR> <BR> <BR> so, this past week (these past SIX days i have had off), have been pretty awesome. i have been eating moderately, and exercising AND walking. ... Sat, 24 Aug 2013 19:39:44 EST some "WOG"(walk/jog) advice, please... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5464739 hello all of you crazy people who like to walk/jog/run! <em>311</em> <BR> <BR> so, i am consistently walking almost every day now. <em>104</em> (i gotta beat my fellow fitbit friends), and i have a couple of questions... <em>2</em> <BR> <BR> i live in a state where there are MANY different weather seasons <em>125</em> <em>298</em> <em>422</em> <em>444</em> ... AND i live in the country, about 10 miles from town. <BR> <BR> so... what do you do when it rains? <em>257</em... Sat, 24 Aug 2013 09:37:40 EST and that's happens when you try to rescue a turtle... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5464438 <BR> my daughter is an animal lover in EVERY sense of the word... <em>241</em> <em>175</em> <em>338</em> <em>172</em> <em>145</em> she ALWAYS has been, she is 17 yrs old, and still has such a huge heart... what? you need an example? well, to this day, any pork, beef, whatever meat, we happen to be eating, she says that pig, cow, lived a long and happy life! (side note: my son, who is 14yrs old, loves to say, "oh heck no! they were cut down in their prime!" thus a dinner figh... Fri, 23 Aug 2013 22:30:28 EST positive for everyone except myself... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5460848 i really don't want to write this blog... but dag-burn-it, here i go anyway! <em>101</em> <BR> <BR> i am already doing what i said i wasn't gonna do in my last blog... <em>198</em> i said i wasn't going to stress if the scale didn't say the weight i wanted. now, let's be clear, i didn't need it to say i was down 10 pounds from last week, but i certainly thought it was gonna be FIVE pounds! i have been eating in my ranges, exercising 5 times this past week, and getting 10,000+ steps e... Tue, 20 Aug 2013 10:07:12 EST SIX days??? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5460319 i have SIX days off from work! <em>104</em> i am so excited! <em>244</em> <BR> <BR> don't get me wrong, i have a lot to do, and am gonna be very busy, but i am so looking forward to some time away from work! if i had wings, i would fly! <em>88</em> <BR> <BR> the reason i am writing this blog, is so i can put down what i want to accomplish, and feel more accountable, since it will be out there for all to see. <em>40</em> <BR> <BR> 1. i want to exercise (work out of some sort, d... Mon, 19 Aug 2013 20:36:12 EST Christian exercise music? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5459111 yup, you read correctly. <em>41</em> <BR> <BR> i am looking for some uplifting, praise music to work out to. do you have any suggestions? <BR> <BR> it can be praise music, <em>276</em> , Christian rock <em>335</em> , just some music that i can walk fast to, or do a work out to. it can be individual songs (please give the singer or group), or it can be albums... it can be older stuff 80's, or new contemporary. <BR> <BR> i have a lot of music, just looking for some more Christian ... Sun, 18 Aug 2013 18:32:19 EST Beginnings of shin splints... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5456933 i am really beginning to walk! <em>311</em> i really like it! <em>224</em> who knew? <em>198</em> don't get me wrong, i am not walking 10k <em>365</em> a day, nor am i running <em>363</em> , but i AM walking more than i have in a very long time, and i am being consistent! <em>104</em> i am doing between 10,000-15,000 steps a day, this fitbit friend thing is really working for me! thank you all who are pushing me. <em>247</em> <BR> <BR> thing is, i am beginning to get ... Fri, 16 Aug 2013 08:41:39 EST i THINK i might have found it! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5453789 wow! <em>40</em> i think i might have found the secret key to keep going... <BR> <BR> i have been down this road MANY times (too many to count)... but i think i might know my motivational tools! <BR> <BR> #1 accountability... i have a couple of really great spark friends who check up on me every couple of days, or weekly. <em>18</em> having to be able to tell them that i am working hard, and what i have been doing, has been keepin' me in line. <em>386</em> the thought of me havi... Tue, 13 Aug 2013 10:05:46 EST discipline... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5448679 discipline... <BR> <BR> "but i want it NOW!" do you remember veruca salt, from willy wonka and the chocolate factory? well, i am feeling like her right now. she wanted an ooma loompa, right away, she wanted the boat, she wanted one of the golden geese, that lay golden eggs for Easter! (do you have her song stuck in your head yet? lol!) <em>246</em> <BR> <BR> she didn't want to wait for ANYthing. but after the boat incident (very scary boat!) <em>340</em> she decided she didn't w... Thu, 8 Aug 2013 10:53:28 EST temptations beyond the graduation party... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5446357 whew. <em>41</em> <BR> <BR> the graduation party is finished! <em>30</em> don't get me wrong, it was very exciting and a lot of fun! <em>236</em> ... but it was also kinda stressful. you know, do i have enough food, enough space, is the weather gonna be nice, is everyone gonna show up, ect... it was a great party, and it looked like everyone had a good time. <BR> <BR> well, i first want to say thank you, to all of you who gave me advice about my anxiety. <em>304</em> . i wor... Tue, 6 Aug 2013 11:25:39 EST nervous about my daughter's grad party, tomorrow... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5443041 my daughter graduated from high school, in june! whoop, whoop! <em>104</em> i am so very happy and proud for her! done with high school! on to college! i am happy that she is staying home for a bit, i am not ready for her to leave yet (lol!). going to a community college (save some money), then on to the university. <BR> <BR> so, anyway... we have been planning this whole party for her! i ordered things i know she likes and sublimely, they are some of MY favorite things to eat! <em... Sat, 3 Aug 2013 08:46:51 EST your opinion, please... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5442325 okay, so i saw on sparkpeople, that they have the new nutrition tracker connected with the fitness tracker. it is an option, for those who have been already on sparks, not an option for those just starting sparks. i guess, it balances out your food goals, by your activity level. <BR> <BR> has anyone tried it? <em>24</em> do you like it? <em>30</em> does it seem to work for you? i have a fitbit, that i wear, although i take it off when i exercise, i like to add that in myself. i u... Fri, 2 Aug 2013 13:16:01 EST work ethic equals new job!!!!! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5439559 ha-ha! did i fool you? didja think i got a new job? <em>334</em> <BR> <BR> well, KINDA, i did... <BR> <BR> i have been "starting over" with my fitness journey, i can't even TELL you how many times. <em>24</em> . i have tried SO many different ways to make it stick. the longest i have "stayed on track", was about 8 months, and i DID almost get to my goal weight/fitness level (missed it by two pounds!), that was about 4-5 years ago. <em>104</em> <em>9</em> <BR> <BR> since then, ... Wed, 31 Jul 2013 09:49:20 EST avoidance... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5437076 i am sitting here with a blank blog page. i just keep staring at the screen. this is one of the hardest blogs i think i have ever written. tears are running down my face, sadness, guilt, shame fill my MIND. again, my life has been a huge storm <em>27</em> <em>54</em> of situations, that have distracted me from my goals. i was so on fire a couple of months ago, then family, friends, job, being sick all got in the way... AGAIN. <em>198</em> i just get so overwhelmed with things, th... Mon, 29 Jul 2013 09:10:12 EST did i make a HUGE mistake??? advice please... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5377216 warning, this is a long blog... probably pretty boring, but i really need some advice... <BR> <BR> so, here i am, on my way to eating better and exercising regular, and making some real progress, feeling better about myself... my job at the hospital has been sucking the life right out of me... so, i had the opportunity to change my shift, from days... 7a-7p, to midnight 7p-7a. there were A LOT of positives to moving to the midnight shift... so i did it. i only work 2 days (nights) a wee... Mon, 3 Jun 2013 20:54:15 EST picky, picky, PICKY! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5371195 time for a confession... duh, duh DUH! <em>40</em> <BR> <BR> "hi my name is oaktree10, and i am a picky eater!" <BR> <BR> well, "picky" understatement... <em>2</em> <BR> <BR> i am as bad as a little kid. <em>183</em> <BR> <BR> it is okay when you are 5 years old, but 45?????? <BR> <BR> when i go out with friends, people HALF joke that that since i am with them, it limits their choices... A LOT. this isn't just "i don't like veggies", it is more like here, i can tell you the thi... Wed, 29 May 2013 08:27:10 EST one step forward, two steps back.... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5369694 this past week has been so taxing, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. i wasn't sleeping since my mind was so troubled with issues, i was only getting 3-5 hours a night (interrupted often). then the next day, being sleep deprived, the cycle would continue, eating to self-medicate the anxiety and sleeplessness, too tired to work out, which left me feeling guilty thus the continued spiral down. by friday, i was inconsolable. my wonderful hubby stepped in comforted me, i was ab... Mon, 27 May 2013 20:41:19 EST 6 months... (184 days) from today... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5365082 so... today is exactly 6 months from november 22nd. <em>2</em> <BR> <BR> or 184 days... eeeks! <BR> <BR> i need to pull myself together. for the most part, i have been on a good track of eating more healthy (not all the time, but a good part of the time) for the past month. i also have been exercising (doing cardio and strength training) and i have been training and studying my karate... and that has been very consistent. <BR> <BR> now i hate to be an all or nothing kind of person, ... Wed, 22 May 2013 22:22:27 EST pizzas and headaches. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5364798 WARNING, rant coming on... <em>234</em> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> so here i sit with a huge headache <em>24</em> ... it has been this way, most of the day. i don't know if it was the unstable weather or the people smoking right outside the laundry mat, but wow, does it hurt. i get migraines, but this one just seems to be a bad headache. <em>24</em> <BR> <BR> while i was sitting at the laundry mat, watching my clothes tumble around in the dryer, and reading a very old magazine, ... Wed, 22 May 2013 16:23:03 EST TRYING to live in the moment... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5361982 geesh, worrying or dreading the future and depressed about the past are two robbers of time! i KNOW this fact, so WHY do i keep going back to the past or thinking of the future? <em>198</em> <BR> <BR> i sit here and think about all the stupid stuff i did during this past week (over-eating, negative thoughts), and all the stuff that i didn't do(didn't make healthy food choices, didn't exercise enough, didn't spend enough quality time with God, hubby, kids). <em>39</em> <BR> <BR> and ... Mon, 20 May 2013 08:55:38 EST LOTS of things in my life that are changing. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5360907 well... so i am sitting here thinking about the next SIX months <em>24</em> <BR> <BR> the nearest change is that i am switching my shifts at work. i am gonna be workin' midnights! <em>102</em> i am doing this for a lot of reasons. working days is sucking the life out of me. it is a very stressful job, but during the day shift, things are even more CRAZY, the people are VERY demanding and sometimes demeaning. but i am concerned at how this will affect my progress on weight loss a... Sun, 19 May 2013 09:33:32 EST i had a HUGE binge, can i blame sparkpeople? (lol!) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5358960 well, last night was a very reveling night for me... "sparks" was down, and i tried and tried to log in and couldn't. i WISH i could say, that it didn't matter, i wrote my foods down on a piece of paper, and went for a walk... NOPE! i don't know what happened to me! it was kinda like the teacher called in sick, and the "sub", came into the classroom, and i just thought, "woo-hoo! no one to watch me! i can do whatever i want!" <em>18</em> <BR> <BR> eeks! i didn't know how much i rely on a... Fri, 17 May 2013 07:56:32 EST week 3, lessons learned... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5358279 well, week 3.... behind me! <em>20</em> <BR> <BR> i got rid of a pound( i say, "rid of" since i DON'T plan on EVER finding it again!), and a half inch off my biceps and thighs( i guess this is due to "leaning out" my muscles?). <em>24</em> <BR> <BR> well, week one, i lost THREE pounds and week TWO i lost THREE pounds, so i am thinking that my week three is like most people's week two, since that is usually the week people lose very little or not at all? <em>2</em> <BR> <BR> now... Thu, 16 May 2013 08:24:51 EST strength, not so much. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5357207 people have said that i am strong. sorry, i honestly can't see it. this isn't a pity party for myself, i just don't understand. BELIEVE me, i WANT to be strong, but i am not. <BR> <BR> i am afraid i will disappoint myself, in this weight loss to fitness journey. <BR> i am weak when it comes to eating. (especially if it is milk duds!) <BR> i am weak when it comes to having endurance. <BR> i am weak when it comes to physical strength. <BR> i am weak when comes to following through. <BR> ... Wed, 15 May 2013 09:30:28 EST old feelings coming back... not the good kind. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5355725 so, here i am... happy, making progress... you know, "good" progress. the kind where i eat healthy and exercise responsibly, losing weight in a "healthy way", not too much, 2-3 pounds a week... and feeling GOOD about it. <BR> <BR> well, guess what comes in the mail today? an invitation to a graduation party. now, this in itself, is not a bad thing, but there will be someone there, that i have always felt in competition with. she has more money (A LOT MORE MONEY), big house, traveling all ... Mon, 13 May 2013 22:49:24 EST