NOTGIVINGUP49's SparkPeople Blog NOTGIVINGUP49's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Focus on Healthy Lifestyle I think when I had lost almost 250 pounds I became too focused on weight loss and not enough in healthy lifestyle changes. Yes I learned to love how exercise made me feel and ate healthy, but the fact is I believe I was still too focused on the weight loss and the number on the scale. I need to rethink this philosophy this time. I am working on meditation and other coping strategies so I don't use food to cope as I have in the past. Health is not just about weight, food and exercise. It is ... Tue, 7 Feb 2017 23:07:33 EST Broken Feeling broken and defeated today. Despite knowing all of what I need to do to get my health back I have still been using food to cope with the stress of a new job. I feel like there must be something seriously wrong with me Why do I continue to sabotage all my hard work for food that really only comforts me for minutes. I feel defective, defeated and broken However, at the same time I am trying desperately to cling to the fact that I do have the tools to do this again. Boy do I hate that ... Sun, 5 Feb 2017 21:13:33 EST Faith & Believing Some days I have faith that since I had lost so much weight before that I can do it again. Some days I believe that I can do this again. Recently, I have manged to care for myself and exercise and eat well for 4 days out of these past 8 days, but then something happens inside me and I sabotage myself. I really do want to feel better again, but then after a few days of "success" I do everything to sabotage that achievement. <BR> <BR> I know I am not perfect and a work in progress, but I am... Sun, 22 Jun 2014 22:52:46 EST Sobering Moment I remember back a few years ago when I was so excited that I was finally able to get on a spin bike and then I was fit enough to take classes as I decreased in size. Well yesterday despite my weight hovering at 300 pounds, I tried to take a spin class. Unfortunately, I couldn't even get on the bike--my abdomen has gotten so big that it took up too much room. I was so upset and cried and cried. It was a sobering moment. Normally, I would have been so upset that I would have screw it and just ... Sun, 15 Jun 2014 21:48:18 EST What have I done? <em>39</em> <BR> With diet and exercise I had achieved a healthy lifestyle and went from approximately 450 pounds down to 201 pounds. I thought I “figured it out” and wouldn't struggle with my weight again. I loved being able to go into a regular clothing store, but more importantly I loved how much better I felt physically and emotionally. My attitude had gone from negative to positive with my weight loss and I loved that feeling. <BR> <BR> So why then did do I find myself back over 30... Wed, 11 Jun 2014 22:36:38 EST Motivation for 2014 I have been struggling this past year trying to get myself back on track. A big factor for me has been stress, but also with my weight gain I have lost myself love and positive outlook on life. This is a new year and I am done beating myself up for getting so close to my goal and then rebounding back up. I need to stop focusing on the weight I have gained and how far I have to go to get back to where I was. This year is going to be about how much I have accomplished and realizing my ULTIMATE... Wed, 1 Jan 2014 22:17:20 EST Courage <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I love this, but while you need the courage to start, sometimes you need the courage to keep going on the journey even when you've kit a detour as I have. <BR> <BR> I am have the courage and I am not giving up! Sun, 24 Nov 2013 20:48:46 EST For Whomever Needs This Today This was posted on someone's Facebook page and passed on to me from my cousin and I thought I would pass it on. <BR> <BR> For whomever needs this today: Just something to think about...Did you know the people that are the strongest are usually the most sensitive? Did you know the people who exhibit the most kindness are the first to get mistreated? Did you know the one who takes care of others all the time are usually the ones who need it the most? Did you know the 3 hardest things to say a... Sun, 13 Oct 2013 20:04:47 EST My Birthday Gift Today is my birthday and I turned 54 years old. Seeing that it is my birthday I decided I needed to celebrate me and give myself a gift--a gift of health. What better way to celebrate me than to take care of my body so I went to the gym and had a great sweaty workout on the elliptical! Then did a few abs and stretches. It was good to feel my body and appreciate all it does for me. <BR> <BR> My birthday was a reminder that the choices I make today will have an impact far into my future.... Tue, 27 Aug 2013 22:22:07 EST Hurdles Life's problems wouldn't be called "hurdles" if there wasn't a way to get over them. ~Author Unknown <BR> <BR> I really love this quote as I can just picture athletes going over what sometimes can seem like insurmountable hurdles and they eventually CAN accompish the task at hand. <BR> <BR> I saw my GYN doctor today and I was mentioning that I had a set back and felt like I have failed because I didn't reach my goal and have gained 50 pounds. She reminded me that I have still lost ~200 po... Tue, 25 Jun 2013 18:53:16 EST Fear <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I am rising to the occasion and facing my fear of being under 200 pounds! I don't feel as good as I did when was 201 pounds so I am back on track and working a lot on my inside (head stuff) again! I am done running! I am seizing the day! <BR> <BR> Won't you join me? Thu, 6 Jun 2013 22:02:08 EST Self Limiting Belief I have been reading this book called Full-Filled by Renee Stephens and Samantha Rose and was working on the exercise on lmiting beliefs yesterday. Well I discovered my biggest limiting belief: <BR> <BR> I believe that I am a disappointment and that being successful with losing weight will eventually lead to regaining the weight and to failure. I believe that success leads to failure because it can’t be maintained. As a result I sabotage myself and disappoint myself before I can disappoi... Wed, 8 May 2013 21:15:08 EST In Order to Succeed In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure. <BR> Bill Cosby <BR> Mon, 18 Feb 2013 21:26:10 EST Inside Out I am back to working on my inside thinking as I struggle with feeling that I am not good enough; not worthy. <BR> <BR> Today I was at the gym after being sick for 3 weeks so of course I could not work out at the same level I had before I got sick and before I put on weight. My trainer was telling me I was doing a good job, but during the entire work out I felt like I wasn't doing a good job at all. I couldn't internalize what he was saying. Since I wasn't where I had been I felt I was a... Fri, 25 Jan 2013 22:05:10 EST Fighting Back I have been struggling with my weight since September of last year. I had almost been in onederland, but am now back up to almost 240 lbs. I had been running from fear and searching for comfort. <BR> <BR> I had been so upset with myself- feeling flawed, weak and defective. I know what I need to do to get back my healthy lifestyle, but I have still be looking for food to cope. <BR> <BR> Albert Einstein said: <BR> Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting differ... Thu, 24 Jan 2013 21:51:18 EST Life is Always Unfinished Business Life is Always Unfinished Business <BR> <BR> by Richard S. Gilbert <BR> January 2010 <BR> <BR> In the midst of the whirling day, <BR> In the hectic rush to be doing, <BR> In the frantic pace of life, <BR> Pause here for a moment. <BR> Catch your breath; <BR> Relax your body; <BR> Loosen your grip on life. <BR> Consider that our lives are always unfinished business; <BR> Imagine that the picture of our being is never complete; <BR> Allow yourself to be a work in progress. <BR> Do not hurry t... Sat, 19 Jan 2013 20:13:06 EST Found my Compass Well today was a better day all around. I stayed busy by going to spin class and then shoveling snow for 2 1/2 hours. I figured if I did that I wouldn't be eating. My eating was much better as well. I am feeling better about myself today. Not so much like a failure. Just hate that I have to keep doing this weight thing over and over. Guess that is life. I need to be reminded that we are not perfect and sometimes we backslide, but that doesn't mean we have failed. It just means that we go... Sun, 30 Dec 2012 21:54:37 EST Running on Empty Ever since I did my first 1/2 marathon walk 3 months ago I have been struggling. At the time of the walk I was proud that I accomplished my goal, but at the same time it came at a cost. I have not been the same since then. I sustained a calf pull and blisters from the walk, but more importantly I feel like I have been trying to get my life back since. <BR> <BR> I have been very stressed with work, and have been back to using food to cope. I am running away from my feelings and stuffing the... Sat, 29 Dec 2012 22:33:24 EST Stress Managment Techniques Effective stress management has been especially difficult for me these past few months. I have not done well effectively balancing my stress and a healthy lifestyle. I do well for one day and then the next I go back to using food to manage my stress. As a result I have gained 20 pounds since September, but I am bound and determined to get back on track. <BR> <BR> Stress is a part of life so I need to keep working on finding more effective ways to cope with my stress. I have tried chew... Fri, 14 Dec 2012 21:49:30 EST From an Ex Couch Potato to a 1/2 Marathon Walk! Yesterday I walked over 1/2 Marathon (13.53 miles) for the Jimmy Fund which is a cancer research fund for the Dana Farber Institute in Boston, MA. Last year was my first year walking and I completed a 5 mile walk then which was less than a year after having a total knee replacement. <BR> <BR> I am more physically active than I have ever been so I thought I would challenge myself even more. I thought just maybe it was possible for me to do the 1/2 marathon (13.1 miles). At first I reall... Mon, 10 Sep 2012 21:46:25 EST Sarah & Beth Beth (EPARK4232) and I were able to meet again this year in Providence. She is in Providence for the Rock n'Roll 1/2 Marathon tomorrow. It was so much fun seeing her again! It is so awesome to be able to meet a Spark Friend! <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Sarah & Beth in Temple Lobby <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Beth at Rock n' Roll 1/2 Marathon Expo 2012 <BR> <BR> <img ... Sat, 18 Aug 2012 21:10:40 EST Another Non-scale Measure of Success Today I had my yearly physical and my doctor was extremely pleased with my success thus far. She said I was "ACTIVE" and as a result my blood pressure and pulse run low (BP was 86/50 and pulse was 60). I have finally gotten my HDL (good cholesterol) into a normal range with my exercise. I bust my you know what, but it is finally 67! <BR> <BR> The best measure of success today was when the large size blood pressure cuff was much too big! I now have an arm size that fits comfortably in a ... Fri, 10 Aug 2012 22:56:00 EST I Will NOT Quit Pledge copied & pasted from SHAWFAN's Blog: <BR> <BR> "I Will NOT Quit" Pledge <BR> <BR> Saturday, June 30, 2012 <BR> <BR> Share and spread the Spark! <BR> <BR> <BR> "Today, I promise I will not quit. <BR> <BR> I pledge that no matter, how many ups and downs I pass through, I will continue on my journey. <BR> <BR> I pledge to make a NEW START today, and forgive myself for my past, and to stop being so critical of myself. <BR> <BR> I pledge to take control of myself, to stop making exc... Wed, 11 Jul 2012 13:44:56 EST Compare Yourself to You This past weekend I was climbing stairs and I looked over at this gentleman and found myself comparing myself to him. He was climbing those stairs like he was flying. I on the other hand was not going nearly as fast. As I continued to reflect I realized I was trying to compare myself to a young athletic male who was probably 25 years my junior. I then realized that there is always going to be someone who can do something better or faster. Comparing ourselves to someone else only makes u... Mon, 9 Jul 2012 23:00:12 EST Persistence Pays Off My journey to living a healthy lifestyle did not come easy. It took many years and many, many attempts. I would grow weary, fall down, and have a negative attitude that I was destined to be fat. I never believed I could find lasting change. At my heaviest weight (approximately 450 pounds) it was inconceivable that I would ever be more than a couch potato; that I could ever change my lifestyle. Every time I tried to lose weight I wouldn’t be able to keep it off and ended up heavier than... Sat, 30 Jun 2012 23:02:17 EST More Non-Scale Victories I constantly have to remind myself that my weight loss journey it isn't always about the number on the scale. We are on a healthy lifestyle journey for the rest of our lives. What we do for ourselves today will impact on our lives as we get older. <BR> <BR> Today I was able to get back on the Precor Adaption Motion Trainer Machine. The last time I was on the piece of equipment I ended up in the emergency room from knee pain. I since had my knee replaced and today I did 30 minutes on th... Sat, 23 Jun 2012 23:01:55 EST Stress Stress <BR> <BR> <BR> A young lady confidently walked around the room while leading <BR> and explaining stress management to an audience with a raised glass of water. <BR> <BR> Everyone knew she was going to ask the ultimate question, <BR> 'half empty or half full?'... <BR> She fooled them all..... "How heavy is this glass of water?" <BR> she inquired with a smile. <BR> Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz. <BR> <BR> She replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. <BR... Thu, 31 May 2012 16:43:45 EST Remembering Mom My mother passed away almost 8 years ago so I find Mother’s Day to be a difficult day. While I miss her terribly today I am celebrating her teachings and love. We became closer the last few years of her life and I used to bring her roses not only on Mother’s Day, but often “just because”. <BR> <BR> Since her passing I have learned not to be so hard on myself and do not strive for perfection like I used to do. She has guided me as a child, but also since her passing. I have learned to ... Sun, 13 May 2012 18:29:54 EST TRX Rip Trainer Today I tried something new at the gym with my trainer. It is called the TRX Rip Trainer. It lookes easy, but I really was sweating. I did these exercises for 50 mins and it is quite the workout both for your arms, legs, and core. Here are some pictures of me in action. <img src=""> <img src=""> <img src=""> <img src="http://photos-... Wed, 25 Apr 2012 22:50:46 EST Body Image Distortion Apparently I am struggling with picturing and realizing my true size. After loosing over 240 pounds I often picture myself still 300 pounds or more. My mind has not caught up with my body. I can look in the mirror and see my body size accurately, yet if I close my eyes and imagine my body then or at a later time my body image becomes distorted and I see myself much larger. <BR> <BR> This body distortion spills over into my clothing size as well. Today my friend Barbara gave me a top tha... Sun, 1 Apr 2012 17:36:23 EST Updated Pictures Down Almost 240 pounds! You have asked for them so here are some updated pictures of me. The following pictures were taken of me after I climbed stairs for 30 minutes. I needed to take a break and hydrate so while I was down and had the pictures taken of me, but I got right back up and climbed for 15 minutes more! <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <img src=""> <img src=" Mon, 19 Mar 2012 21:02:10 EST Goals for Biggest Looser Spring Challenge My goals for this challenge are to maintain a positive healthy lifestyle and enjoy the journey. that said I would also like to loose 12-13 pounds during this 10 week challenge. With that loss I would be in "onederland". It would be such an amazing achievement to go from ~450 pounds to "onederland" with the tools of SP, self love, and a healthy lifestyle. I can feel my excitement building! <em>104</em> <BR> <BR> While I so want to get to onederland this challenge, I will not be defined ... Fri, 16 Mar 2012 22:07:32 EST Recent Non-Scale Milestones I have focused too much on the number on the scale at times. I am now only weighing in once a week at the gym and am focusing more on my behaviors. <BR> <BR> As a result I have been noticing other changes---physical changes. I have noticed I can see almost ALL of my thighs now. I don't have my abdomen resting on my thighs anymore when I am sitting in a chair. I know many of you can't relate, but I know I have some SP friends who know exactly what I am talking about. <BR> <BR> I have notic... Thu, 15 Mar 2012 21:16:27 EST I AM Going to Make it After All! I am dedicating this blog to Mary Tyler Moore. When I was younger and watched the Mary Tyler Moore show I used to think I would never make it; would never achieve my goals or anything. I was nobody special and wouldn't amount to anything. <BR> <BR> Boy has my world changed. As I reflect back on my life as a 450 pound woman, life seemed impossible. Daily tasks like getting up off the couch, climbing stairs, taking a shower were all so difficult. I felt that I was destined to be that "fat ... Wed, 14 Mar 2012 14:32:44 EST Weight Tickler Adjustment Just wanted to assure my spark friends that I have not gained weight since the end of the winter challenge. Since I joined SP I have used my home scale for weigh ins and that scale is very inaccurate. My scale had me ~10 pounds less than I really am. I have corrected my tickler to reflect my true weight. I am now going to weigh myself once a week at the gym where there is an accurate scale. <BR> <BR> As I get closer to onderland I want to see and know that the number on my ticker is my ... Wed, 7 Mar 2012 22:12:45 EST Reflections of this BL Winter Challenge As I re-read my letter I wrote to myself at the beginning of this challenge I am reminded of my healthy lifestyle accomplishments. While I did not reach my goal this challenge I realize that that was a lesson in and of itself. We do not always reach our goals on the first attempt. My weight loss journey has taken me 10 years from my highest weight to my current lowest weight. I have had to continue to learn patience. Definitely not easy for a ex-perfectionist. <BR> <BR> This challenge I ha... Mon, 20 Feb 2012 20:05:39 EST Joy of Spinning <img src=""> <BR> <BR> The smile on my face shows the joy I feel when I am on a spin bike. It is just remarkable to me to see in this photo how much I have changed my lifestyle. No longer a couch potato, now I spin to win in the "game" of life! Mon, 6 Feb 2012 22:53:38 EST Fought That Failure Feeling Today I tried a mat Pilates class for the first time. I kept getting cramps in my hamstrings and quads and was frustrated. No one in the class had taken Pilates before, but I was the only "fat girl". I kept struggling in the class and found I couldn't sustain most of the moves so after 10 minutes I was done. I felt like I was the fat girl who couldn't do anything right; I felt like a failure so I got up and left the class. The instructor offered to show me some modifications, but I didn't wa... Wed, 11 Jan 2012 22:23:20 EST My Spark Story Published! Losing a person’s worth of weight <BR> Sarah Forrester gains a life <BR> By Nancy Kirsch&#8232; <BR> Friday, 06 January 2012 03:28 <BR> <BR> Food is love, except when it’s not. For Sarah Forrester, 52, food was how she numbed her feelings and kept people at bay. Subjected to physical and emotional abuse by her father, now deceased, Forrester, of North Providence, was morbidly obese. <BR> <BR> “You don’t get to be 450 pounds and not have some reasons for it,” she said. In a speech she gav... Fri, 6 Jan 2012 09:24:09 EST The Best Gifts of 2011 I have received the two most precious gifts this year and I gave them to myself. The first gift I gave myself was the gift of self love and acceptance. It has taken me my whole life to learn to love myself, but I done it and can truly say “I love myself”—warts and all. <BR> <BR> With my new found self esteem came a desire to take care of myself and my body. I started to make healthier food choices. No, I wasn’t perfect, but I have learned that is ok. I have learned and achieved moder... Fri, 23 Dec 2011 22:27:43 EST Letter to Future Sarah Dear Future Sarah, <BR> <BR> You have accomplished so much, but sometimes you forget to acknowledge how far you have come. You tend to minimize your accomplishments so I am going to remind you now. <BR> <BR> You have spent almost your entire life feeling as though you were not good enough. This past year you learned to love yourself and feel good enough just as you are. You realize you do not have to be prefect nor can you be. You have learned to accept you will make mistakes-that's what m... Thu, 15 Dec 2011 23:28:20 EST December Goals I have refocused, but have found myself tempted with all the holiday foods around. I have set a goal of being down 6 pounds by 1/1/12 (a little over 3 weeks time). <BR> <BR> How am I going to stay focused? I thought of something that I saw on a past Biggest Loser Show: My long range goal is to be under 200 pounds so I am going to put the number 199 (in black marker) on my forearm to help me stay focused. It will be a reminder for me when I am tempted to eat because of stress or food ju... Thu, 8 Dec 2011 22:20:26 EST Going in the Wrong Direction I have had tremendous success with SP and I am so grateful, but today emotionally I feel as though I am going in the wrong direction. I have been so stressed at work and it is getting to me, even physically. Today I discovered I have a serious skin problem again. The one an only other time I had this was when I was stressed from my last job. Then I attributed it to my weight. The fact that my weight is down and it just occurred with my being stressed with this job speaks to the fact that str... Thu, 10 Nov 2011 11:00:11 EST My Speech I am giving a speech regarding my journey this coming Sunday at a church where my personal trainer is the Pastor. could use some feedback so please read and give me your thoughts. <BR> <BR> Since I am in church I thought I would share a confession. When Carl initially asked me to speak today I thought he was nuts. I thought “I am nobody special.” I did not believe I had anything worthwhile to say. Then I stepped back and reflected on how I have overcome my life’s challenges. I began to ... Mon, 26 Sep 2011 22:54:50 EST Jimmy Fund Walk Pictures Finally got the pictures from my charity walk this past Sunday. Thought you might like to to see them. Enjoy! <BR> <BR> <img src=""> Leaving for the Walk <BR> <BR> <img src=""> Leaving for the Walk <BR> <BR> <img src=""> Getting on Bus to the start at Boston College <BR> <BR> <img src=" Thu, 22 Sep 2011 22:26:39 EST I HAVE Changed My Life! This past Sunday I did a 5 mile charity walk for Dana Farber Cancer Institute in Boston. It was a just a surreal experience for a variety of reasons, but mostly because just a few months ago I never would have believed I could have walked so far. <BR> <BR> I was reminded by my friend Susan that just about 7 months ago I was unhappy with what I perceived was a lack of progress after my total knee replacement performed on November 30, 2010. If someone would have told me that I was going to d... Wed, 21 Sep 2011 11:13:23 EST Another Goal Reached Many of you know I have been training for a 5 mile charity walk that is less than 2 week away. Last week I had problems walking-seems I have developed hamstring tightness so I have been stretching faithfully. Well today I tried my walk again since I was feeling better. I am proud to say I that not only did I reach my 5 mile goal, I surpassed it! I walked 5.4 miles. I had to stop many times due to the discomfort I was feeling in my butt, but nevertheless I achieved my goal. <BR> <BR> Now I ... Mon, 5 Sep 2011 21:32:51 EST Another Goal Accomplished--Jacobs Ladder With Pictures For months I have been wanting to climb Jacobs Ladder which is a piece of cardio equipment at my gym. I have tried several times and could not do it. I knew it was partly a fear factor as I am afraid of heights. <BR> <BR> Today I decided I was going to face my fear and achieve my goal. I had a lousy day at work again today, but did not eat over it. In fact I was bound and determined to make that frustration work for me by conquering this mountain called Jacobs Ladder. <BR> <BR> Well ... Tue, 23 Aug 2011 20:41:16 EST From Couch Potato to Spin Class I used to be a major couch potato. My life revolved around food, watching TV, and feeling depressed. Exercise was not in my vocabulary. As a result, I ballooned up to 450 pounds. <BR> Today I am changing my life. I no longer see obstacles in my way of achieving my goals. About three years ago I had set a goal of just being able to get on a spin bike. It was a hurdle I wanted to climb and accomplish. About 2 months ago I finally was able to get on that spin bike and cried when I did.... Sun, 21 Aug 2011 20:44:00 EST A Surreal Experience I had a very surreal experience today. I went to the movies with some friends and was sitting next to this woman I know who has gained a lot of weight this past year. I kept looking at her and seeing myself when I was so much heavier. I saw her struggling like I used too; struggling to fit in the seat, to find a place to put my pocketbook because I had no lap, and to find a place for my arms. As I looked at her I saw her as a reflection of past self and then I look down at me now and saw ... Sat, 13 Aug 2011 22:07:36 EST