NORCALCAT's SparkPeople Blog NORCALCAT's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Mom is so amazing... She is just taking this dad is a mess! It is so strange to see my strong as an ox Dad fall apart...he never fell apart like this when his mom died. He has been talking t me about how his life will be so empty after mom goes. They have been best friends since July 20th, 1962(the day the were married). To see one is to see the other - inseparable. I am worried about him, but I know that he will be okay - we all will. <BR> <BR> My brother is coming to their house after Christmas ... Sat, 9 Nov 2013 19:37:59 EST I restarted my journey... I was at 196.6 - I am 189.0 as of this morning. The wright is taking longer to get off....but I am doing this...BY GOD! <BR> <BR> i went to an OA meeting - was a great motivator for me...I am reading You: On a Diet with TeamIndyGirl - very interesting book...enjoying it very much. <BR> <BR> Life is calm right now...hubby is fishing, daughter at work, son on his computer....wondering when the SWHTF.... Sun, 8 Sep 2013 16:05:21 EST Darn Scale! I really HATE my scale! For months, I have been the same weight - then the batteries went out in it. Put new ones in - and I have gained 10 pounds! Went to my neighbors house to check it out - and sure enough...10 pounds! DARN IT ALL! Thu, 11 Jul 2013 20:26:39 EST We said our final goodbyes yesterday - It was time for Oreonna's funeral. We came together and bonded over a sweet young girl who had so much going for her. We laughed and cried - we talked about our memories. We hugged each other - knowing it was because of her that we cared more. She gave us gifts that we never knew about until she was gone. She taught us how to love more, laugh more and how to be a friend. She showed us that it was okay to hold onto childhood dreams..she showed us how to ge human - to be true to ourselves... Sat, 6 Apr 2013 23:58:18 EST Yesterday was so hard... We had to tell the kids. The teacher and I put them in a class circle, and with the help of a counselor and Hospice, we told them that Oreonna was gone. The look of shock, disbelief and utter sadness killed us. We all cried...and told stories about this wonderful girl. We went out to the garden and planted flowers for her. We hugged, we sobbed, we held each others hands. We talked about how even though she is gone, she will always be our friend...she will always be with us. The boys to... Tue, 26 Mar 2013 10:57:47 EST Why? I received a phone call yesterday from one of the teachers I work with - one of our students died on Friday morning. She was only in 4th grade - 10 years old. She had just had her first crush on a boy...she was amazing. She wrote an essay at the beginning of the school year about how she believed in Unicorns and they "farted" rainbows - so that was how rainbows were made. She made me laugh - she was so full of love...I saw such a future for her. Now, it is gone...she is our angel in Heav... Sun, 24 Mar 2013 19:54:42 EST Okay - BOBINVA's Idea...5 things I am thankful for... #1 - Always - My two kids...would be lost without them!!!!! <BR> <BR> #2 - I woke up. <BR> <BR> #3 - I have a job I LOVE! <BR> <BR> #4 - My dog, Sasha - she loves to walk with me and stays by my side all night(she sleeps next to me on the floor). <BR> <BR> #5 - My mom, dad and brother - my support group. <BR> <BR> Okay - I feel better this morning...thank you Bob! <BR> <BR> P.S. - #1.1 - my wonderful Spark Friends who make each step easier and pick me up when I am down...Love you all! Wed, 6 Mar 2013 11:24:57 EST Today is Tuesday - you know what that means? I am making another blog entry! <BR> <BR> I am having a hard time sticking to my plan of eating...I want to lose weight so much...I am just not motivated enouigh right now. I hate when I let crap interfear - I hate when I let it win. <BR> <BR> I do not have much to say - I am tired of whining! Tue, 5 Mar 2013 21:09:14 EST Sunday, Sunday.... Darn - how I hate those Cadbury Cream Eggs...and the cute bunny. I could eat them all year long. Thankfully, I have not seen the orange cream filled biggest weakness of all... <BR> <BR> Been having a rough time sticking to my plan of eating...trying to figure out how to get rid of the anxious feelings I have been having. Trying to just let things go and dwell on the kids. My life. <BR> <BR> I am also trying to come to terms with the fact my mom was given 1 to 2 years... Sun, 3 Mar 2013 18:57:21 EST The first six days of restart... Were okay. Goodies at work fit into the plan - I made it work for me. Lost 6 back to walking for me. <BR> <BR> My husband is another subject all together. Seems everything I do is wrong and I never do anything for him. So, last night - he stormed off again...came back wasted...and I told him that I was tired of arguing. Something needs to be done about all of this. I can't take it. He said "I don't want to argue anymore either", Today - he stayed in bed ALL DAY! Got ... Sat, 1 Dec 2012 21:31:05 EST And day one of the restart was..... Okay. I walked at work and I walked last night. It is supposed to rain from Wednesday to Sunday - but, I have an umbrella! <BR> <BR> I am trying to just handle things one at a time - even if it takes more than one day to figure it out. The stress is not letting me sleep well. But if I could lose 90 pounds, I can do this again! I know I can. I have to keep positive - I have to do this for me. I have to be positive about everything in my life - even if it is the worst. Tomorrow is a n... Tue, 27 Nov 2012 10:39:54 EST After 19 pounds gained and so much time lost... I think I am back. I am still under way too much stress, but, I need to do this for me. No one else but me. I am tired of being the bitter, mean, cranky old lady. I want to be happy - I need to be happy. I joined a few OA type groups on Yahoo - reading what they have gone thru and are going thru has helped me so much. I need to find my HP again - I need God to help me thru this. I cannot be alone with myself. <BR> <BR> And that is another reason why I need Spark People. I cannot do t... Sun, 25 Nov 2012 19:20:24 EST Hello, my name is Cathy.... And I am a compulsive overeater. I have been fighting the "want/need" to eat sweets for over 3 months. I feel like a complete and utter failure. I am so stressed out at home, that I have turned back to food to comfort me. Nothing else fills me like food. Nothing else makes me feel complete. I have a need to eat even though I know that I am over-full! I am ashamed of myself. My pants are getting tighter. I need to stop. I am looking for an OA meeting in my area. <BR> <BR> Does anyone... Sun, 18 Nov 2012 00:29:16 EST I have a confession to make to you... I have lost my spark. I seem to have lost it in the last 2 weeks - and I do not know how to get it back. I am depressed....I am stressed....and I am gaining weight. <BR> <BR> Does anyone know any tricks on how to get it back? My day starts out good - but by the time I get home from work at 1 - it just goes downhill. I am not exercising like I should. Where did the person who wrote the last blog entry go? I want her back. <BR> <BR> I am binge eating again. Not too bad...yet. But I kn... Sun, 26 Aug 2012 12:08:09 EST What losing 90 pounds has taught me.... Nothing feels as good as seeing my ribs for the first time. Nothing tastes that good...nothing. Also, seeing my Dr. after losing the weight is SO rewarding. And the looks that people give me....yes...this is so good. <BR> <BR> But the best the self-confidence I have gained. I do not loathe myself anymore. I am not embarrassed to be seen with ME in public. I can fit into the small seats anywhere! I am aware of my body more, I actually like going places. I used to be a hermi... Thu, 5 Jul 2012 17:52:21 EST I did it! I have hit my first MAJOR goal! Oh...I cried....I really did. I have hit my first MAJOR goal. I have lost 83 pounds by my 45th birthday(this Wednesday I will be 45). I weigh what it says on my drivers license. I have not seen this weight since the beginning of 9th grade(1981). Oh....I am so amazed. I stuck with it...I can do it! <BR> <BR> I called my mom and made her cry again. My kids are proud...even the butthead hubby is proud. I am not a quitter...I am a mover and doer! Oh...this is an amazing day for ... Sun, 4 Mar 2012 18:03:19 EST It is so hard... to keep the motivation going. I weigh myself every morning - why? - because I just have a love/hate relationship with the scale. I want to be in control, and when I see a gain of any size, I freak. I get scared that I will not get to my goal weight by March 7. I want something in my life I can control, and I feel llike I can't. Other parts of my life are such a mess, and this I thought I could control. <BR> <BR> Control, what an awful word. No one can control everything. We can pret... Fri, 24 Feb 2012 10:11:03 EST I am at Mom's house.... And she told me she might have had a small heart attack while she was in the hospital. sigh... But she looks good and I am getting a lot of hugs. <BR> <BR> Plus...I am now in Extra-Large shirts! I fit in my husbands clothes! I am so happy! My mom cried when she saw me...she is so very happy for me. I am so emotional right now...but trying so hard not to cry - show anything. <BR> <BR> I am afraid I will fail at meeting my goal weight of 165 by the 7th of March. I am 169.4 as of this... Sat, 18 Feb 2012 16:27:43 EST My weight may be changing... but things at my house aren't. I thought things were getting better..until I see - for discreet dating and one night stands. <BR> <BR> COME ON!!! I have had enough of this crap! <BR> <BR> I am now in a size 14 jeans...I am weighing less than what I weighed when I started high school...but nothing is ever enough for him. I never will be enough. But, I am okay. It still hurts, I will not lie. But, I am okay. Two can play these games...and I will not lower myself to his l... Mon, 6 Feb 2012 18:02:42 EST IT'S NOT CANCER!!!! My mom is fine - just a very bad infection - the Dr. is very upbeat about this! <BR> <BR> THANK YOU!!!! to all of you for your support and prayers! Fri, 18 Nov 2011 21:39:32 EST Mom went to the hospital today... and had her biopsy done. She called me before I went to work, and said her left lung was hurting(that is where the tumor is). She will have a follow-up soon...then we will know. <BR> <BR> <BR> And the hubby is not talking to me. He and I got into a little tiff(seems he says I tell him he is always wrong) and is sick of it, so he won't talk to me. Damn man came back after he said he was leaving! Can you say "he is such a 4 year old"? So, I am not giving in and neither is he. His probl... Tue, 8 Nov 2011 23:15:13 EST Mom went to the Dr...... and they said that she has a dime size tumor. They do not know if it is cancer, so she will go next week and do a biopsy/bronchial scope. She is very sacred....her sister died of lung cancer in 2005. <BR> <BR> My husband looked at me and said "Do you want to go down there for a few days?". I told him I should wait until the results are in before jumping to conclusions. But it was nice that he offered......and very strange. <BR> <BR> He has been nice for almost a month....I am pretty ... Sat, 5 Nov 2011 12:43:50 EST I had an OMG!!! moment today! My daughter and I went shopping for a few hours this afternoon...and I decided to try on jeans. <BR> <BR> I ended up crying in the dressing rooms at Ross. <BR> <BR> I am now a size 16 - not 24(like I was). <BR> <BR> I haven't seen this size since 1982(9th grade)..... <BR> <BR> I still get goosebumps thinking about it... <BR> <BR> And, of course, I had to buy a pair of jeans! Sun, 30 Oct 2011 23:03:54 EST Update on my mom.... My mom's regular Dr. received a copy of the report for her lungs... and said it looked good!!!! There is still a black spot on her lungs - they will do a scope of her lungs in a few weeks to see what it is and take a biopsy. Her Pulmonologist appointment is still next week, but her GP Dr. knows how she can worry. Not to mention her lids and husband(dad is beside himself right now). <BR> <BR> <BR> Thank you all for your support and wonderful words - I appreciate them! Thu, 27 Oct 2011 10:09:56 EST My new struggle..... is with my mom. Her new thing is now lung cancer...the new Dr. thinks she might have it and had her do a dye test yesterday - we won't know anything till next week.... <BR> <BR> I hate this - because it makes me feel stressed and want to eat. I will not give is still there. <BR> <BR> Will it ever go away? Tue, 25 Oct 2011 16:55:49 EST Okay - this is getting so exciting for me! I have met my second goal early - and now weigh a weight I have not seen since big hair bands and spandex - 1986 to be exact! Oh my gosh - I am so pumped up! So excited! So worried.... <BR> <BR> You see, I am getting that worry bug - the "you will fail once you meet goal" bug. The little voice in my head that tells me I am not worth it. But I argue back, "I am worth it!" "I can do this!". "I am working my butt off for this!" I think the voice might be getting scared now - I think I a... Sat, 22 Oct 2011 13:27:29 EST Sometimes, it doesn't seem to work... and sometimes, it does. Sometimes, I make the wrong choices, but I know they are temporary and I made the right choice when I changed my "lifestyle" and made a decision to change once and for all for the better. <BR> <BR> I get so angry, so depressed when the weight doesn't come off faster. I feel like I am making the right choices, but the body is still holding on to the old me. Is my body not wanting to change? Does it feel comfortable in the old me? I have had many conversations w... Tue, 4 Oct 2011 00:00:27 EST O! MY! GOSH!!!!!! I have lost 42.2 pounds! I now weight the same weight I was when I met the hubby 23 years ago! I haven't seen this weight since 1988! Thank you Spark People....Thank you, Thank you, Thank you! Sat, 24 Sep 2011 23:53:39 EST I received the news that.. my mom is in the hospital. My mom is sick with emphysema and she has pneumonia. Bacterial pneumonia. And she is in Denver visiting her mom(Grams is 97). She went in on Saturday, but did not call me til yesterday at noon. The doctor has yet to tell her when she will be let go. <BR> <BR> I am in California...and I cannot go and be with her - I call her often, but only for a few minutes because I do not want to tire her out. <BR> <BR> My mom is my best cheering section....we t... Mon, 29 Aug 2011 23:43:08 EST I played hooky from work tonight... I needed a night to just be away from it all So, I am on Spark People, being with people who understand how I feel and how my new life is making me so happy! <BR> <BR> I have learned something this week....I am stronger that I ever thought I could be. Even when my life was so bad this week, I never gave up and kept going on my path to healthy me! I have had a very hard week with the spouse and my second job, and I never once gave a thought to giving up and becoming the person I never wa... Sat, 27 Aug 2011 21:30:59 EST I was on a "plateau" for a week or 2 - then - all of the sudden -BAM!!!!! - I lost weight! WOW! <BR> <BR> I have been walking at work on my break (the school track) and now the other 2 aides I work with are walking with me! So much fun! <BR> <BR> So 16.8 more pounds till I hit goal number 2 - it is in sight for me! <BR> Sun, 21 Aug 2011 12:04:18 EST First day of school... and everyone noticed my weight loss!!!! <BR> <BR> Oh..the kids...the hugs I got today! I love this job...I am working with a teacher I worked with last year - in first grade - then next week I will be working with another teacher - I just do not know who yet! <BR> <BR> I walked the track at the school on my break today - one mile. Then went on another walk in the late afternoon with a friend - over a mile. This has been a very tiring day for me! <BR> <BR> Life is going good for me! Wed, 17 Aug 2011 23:46:53 EST I have been up and I have been down... but I am not giving up! <BR> <BR> My morning job starts up next Wednesday(I work at a school) and I am so excited about it!!!!! I love those kids and I never am bored! <BR> <BR> Fri, 12 Aug 2011 23:40:56 EST Another loss! I am down 28.4 pounds! This is so exciting for me! I am grateful for Spark People and everyone here - I love this so much more than WW! <BR> <BR> Thank you all for cheering me on! Wed, 3 Aug 2011 18:18:53 EST Day 6 - and huge hugs to you all... First - I want to thank each one of you for all of the comments you have left - I read all of them. They give me strength to go on - to make it thru another day. <BR> <BR> We did marriage counseling about 13 years ago - the therapist called him an idiot - and we never went back. I did counseling in 2005 - and I wanted him to go, too. But he was working 70 hours a week and then he went out on disability - the rest is not pretty. I did something - I did not talk to him about our finances... Tue, 2 Aug 2011 23:52:33 EST GOALLLLLL! My first goal! I just had to weight myself this morning(I know - bad me), but I just had a feeling - and I am now officially 26 pounds lighter! 26..OMG! And no one can stop me now! <BR> <BR> And about the husband...he is talking tome today - very short answers. The fact that I did not back down and cry...I think he is a little nervous! <BR> <BR> Also - went over his friends house last night before work to let him know our daughter was home alone - and his 2 friends noticed the weight lo... Fri, 29 Jul 2011 15:14:30 EST Each day is so different. Sometimes this is so easy...sometimes it is so hard. Each day i try to make the best choices for me...and at the end of each day, I feel like I have accomplished something. I feel like I am taking charge of my life - I am doing good for me. <BR> <BR> Sometimes, I feel selfish about kids depend on me. But, if I do not make this change, I won't be here for I will take my selfish time and look forward to the rest of my life with them! <em>283</em> <em>232</em> <em>195<... Mon, 4 Jul 2011 13:18:18 EST Sometimes it is so hard not to give in to the urge to eat.... I eat when I get emotional....and this week had been very hard for me. My husband and I have a very rocky marriage, and he knows that I am an emotional eater. The thing is, he just doesn't care how I am feeling. He never really has. This is one of the main reasons why I want this new plan to work. <BR> <BR> After he puts me down, I give myself a pep talk. I know I am a good person, I know I can do this, I want to do this. I want to win. I want to show him that he can't hurt me anym... Sat, 2 Jul 2011 19:30:03 EST My new weight! I have now lost 14.4 pounds! Yes!!!!! <BR> <BR> And I do feel daughter has mentioned that it looks like I have lost son, too! My daughter asked "What does it feel like to lose almost 15 pounds?". I took her into the kitchen and gave her 3 sacks of flour to hold on to and told her "This is what 15 pounds feels like, and now it is off of my body.". She just looked at me and said "OH!". <BR> <BR> So, I am feeling good and working it all out! <em>345</em> Wed, 29 Jun 2011 18:41:10 EST I am so sick of tile! Since the fiasco with the bathroom started, I have had to look at tile...all shades, sizes, textures...ceramic, porcelain, stone, granite...AHAHHAHAHA! My head hurts and I feel so out of my league! <BR> <BR> We are going boring beige....we could not agree on anything! It was not one of our finer moments. <BR> <BR> But, I did not let the stress get to me - I did not sway from this new plan of mine. I am doing great! I am sticking to my if I could get out and exercise more... ... Tue, 28 Jun 2011 20:39:08 EST Okay...I got a new scale.... as I didn't have one in my house. I have been using the scale at work. My new scale says I weigh 6 pounds lighter - and since this is the scale I will be using - I think I had better reset the ticker at the bottom of my blog....Good news! I hope so. <BR> <BR> I do know that when I went to the Dr. and I was weighed - I weighed less then when I weighed in at work? So, new scale, new weight. newer me. <em>192</em> Fri, 24 Jun 2011 13:37:22 EST! Seems it is time to remodel the bathroom! The shower has been leaking - we know this. Just did not know it had been leaking for 9 years! So, new bathroom, here we come! <BR> <BR> I hope we can get thru this without fighting...... <em>234</em> Thu, 23 Jun 2011 21:43:45 EST I am a Looser! And it feels soooo good! I lost 1.4 pounds this week.....and I am very happy with that! <em>41</em> Thu, 23 Jun 2011 01:24:39 EST Yesterday I saw my best friend of 36 years!! The last time I saw her was 1997 - and our daughters were 18 months old(they were excited to see each other, too!). I also saw another great friend and her daughter(also the same age as mine). I got to see my brother(lives in a different state - and my niece). <BR> <BR> So, I tried to be good - and even though I went way over the tracker allotment for calories and fat, I think I still did very good! <BR> <BR> And I got lots of hugs. <BR> Mon, 20 Jun 2011 12:17:15 EST I did it again... I weighed myself before I should have - and I found I gained .5 pounds <em>39</em> <BR> <BR> <BR> Why did I do this to myself? And why did I gain weight? Sat, 18 Jun 2011 23:37:06 EST My daughter asked me today Why are you losing weight? <BR> <BR> I am going to be thinking about this for a while... <BR> <BR> 6/20/2011 = My daughter is 15, almost 16 and I weighed 242 last weigh-in. I know I need to loose weight. My daughter just loves me! <em>41</em> Sat, 18 Jun 2011 16:34:10 EST Friday and I am feeling good! I am on such a positive "high" this week.... Fri, 17 Jun 2011 11:58:49 EST I wanted to say.... Thank you to you all for your support!! This place really is wonderful...makes me wish I had done this years ago when I first joined. <BR> <BR> Oh well... I am going to do it now!!!! <BR> <BR> Thank you all again!! Thu, 16 Jun 2011 14:06:45 EST Week one - 5.4 pounds GONE!!!! WEEE! This was the best news for me! I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs I DID IT!!!! <BR> <BR> Thank you all! <em>104</em> Thu, 16 Jun 2011 01:35:21 EST Life after 0ne week of Spark.... Okay - things are beginning to be better...not too stressed today and I am looking forward to weighing myself tonight. My daughter says that she notices that my face looks "slimmer". That is the first place I lose the weight. so...I do know it is working, and I am not too grumpy! <em>211</em> <BR> <BR> <BR> So - the next entry I do - I will be posting the weight loss!!!! <em>244</em> Wed, 15 Jun 2011 14:53:40 EST