NIXXI321's SparkPeople Blog NIXXI321's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Getting Down to Business Looking at all this wedding stuff has made one thing incredibly clear; it's time to get serious about my weightloss. I've been saying for more than a decade that I was going to get healthy and instead I am just a few pounds shy of my all time heaviest weight. Jay thinks I'm beautiful the way I am and I love him for that. I'm not even saying that I disagree. My weight does not define me. But I know myself. I know if I do nothing and get married at this size, I am always going to be kicking mys... Mon, 24 Jun 2013 09:34:19 EST NEWS! First off, thank you so much to all the people that wished me a happy birthday last weekend. Jay and I went to the Grand Canyon for my birthday so I didn't have much internet. Actually, I barely had phone reception. However, I did come home to an inbox full of well wishes. So thank you all so much for that. <BR> <BR> As for the next bit of news, I brought home a beautiful souvenir from the Grand Canyon. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR... Sun, 16 Jun 2013 11:10:15 EST Uphill Battle So I did it. I asked Jay if he would help me stay accountable and not only did he agree, he actually seems excited to do this! Yesterday we went bike riding at the park. We only 5 miles before I tapped out but I know if he hadn't have been there I would have stopped at 3. The spot right above my knees were burning and my butt is still sore but I hung in there. He wants to go again today and do 10 miles this time. I think 10 mayb be ambitious considering how sore I still am but I will go. I'd ... Fri, 10 May 2013 14:15:25 EST REBOOT! Yes, Sparkpeople's prodical daughter has returned with sad gainage to report. I'm going to blame Jay for this one because everyone knows that fat and happy go hand in hand. You celebrate more. Which for a girl like me means plenty of eating out and fruity drinks served with colorful umbrellas. Then to make matters worse he says that he loves me regardless of size -- the jerk. <BR> <BR> I'm kidding, of course. I'm so lucky to have a guy that sees past the fat to the girl inside and loves me n... Tue, 7 May 2013 08:38:54 EST The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly THE GOOD: My cold is offically over! Huzzah! My nose and lips are still chapped but I'll take that over teary-eyed, runny nosed, sneezing death. I've even been sleeping through the whole night. I just wish I weren't still so tired when I woke up this morning. <BR> <BR> More in the good column is that I saw Hansel and Gretel 3D this weekend. I liked it. It didn't change my life or anything. It was no Avengers but it was good and even Jay liked it (Versus the 3 day rant you all were spared af... Mon, 28 Jan 2013 14:11:58 EST Reasoning with Unreasonable Forces Okay cold, you can release your deathgrip on me now. You've stolen my entire weekend. Two beautiful days of perfect weather and all I wanted to do was sleep thanks to you. So now that I'm stuck back at work, couldn't you at least let me work without the fever and chills, the hacking cough, the sneezing, and the dibilitating fatigue. Please. Mon, 21 Jan 2013 15:46:17 EST Calorie Burn Calculator So I was mentioning that I wished there was a way I could calculate how many calories are burned during sex and a friend of mine sent me this: <BR> <BR><BR>/calculator.cgi <BR> <BR> Sex and Foreplay are on the list. <em>334</em> Fri, 18 Jan 2013 12:25:14 EST Sleepless in South Carolina Every now and again, for no reason that I can find, I'll have trouble sleeping. It's not that I can't get to sleep. I can fall asleep in 5 - 10 minutes (try not to be jealous). My problem is dreams. For a big chunk of my life, thanks to a sleep disorder (disrupted REM), I didn't dream but maybe twice a year. And the nights that I did dream were always the worst nights sleep. I woke up feeling MORE tired than when I went to sleep. Not to mention that more often than not they were nightmares. ... Wed, 16 Jan 2013 11:32:10 EST 19 Minutes and the Computer Blues I don't know what my problem is today. I slept but I didn't sleep well so I woke up wanting to break the alarm. I spent too long in the shower so I didn't get to have my quiet breakfast time. Instead I was eating cold leftovers over the sink and shoving a pita and random veggies in my bag. That actually turned out really good though. Just pita, avocado, and tomatos with cucumber slices instead of chips. Highly reccommended. <BR> <BR> Other than that though the day has been dragging. Not only... Thu, 10 Jan 2013 16:41:43 EST Progress I Won't Find on a Scale I'm about halfway through week 2 of 2013 (AKA the year of the Nixxi) and I had some non-scale progress to report. <BR> <BR> At work I've been taking the stairs more. Not everyday but maybe every other day because 4 flights may not sound like much but the first time I did it I felt like I was going to die. My manager saw me in the hallway and actually stopped to make sure I was okay. It was a little embarrassing explaining that I'm on death's door because of a few stairs but when I got to tel... Wed, 9 Jan 2013 15:51:04 EST A - Z *Stolen from NikkiCole* A - Available or Married: Neither. I live with my boyfriend and if I'm going to marry anyone, it's going to be him. <BR> <BR> B - Book: Where the Red Fern Grows - Wilson Rawls (Though I just finished The Hunger Games trilogy and it was fantastic. Highly reccommended.) <BR> <BR> C - Cake or Pie? Pie. I love pie. Though I've never really met a cupcake I don't like either. <BR> <BR> D - Drink of Choice: Water is my default. Water with lemon if I'm in a restuarant but if I really need flavo... Tue, 8 Jan 2013 12:37:54 EST Shake It So I bought this Shake Weight a million years ago (2011 I think) and never really ended up using it. In my efforts to find out how many calories it burns I've come across dozens of blog entries and forum posts where people are blasting this thing. <BR> <BR> Admittedly, the 6-Minute workout doesn't appear to burn many calories (only about 50) but I have to say that it kinda kicked my butt. By the end of the first minute I was starting to feel it. By the end of the 6 minutes I was sweating an... Tue, 8 Jan 2013 08:50:37 EST We've got more than a weight problem... In fact, the weight isn't even the real problem. Fifteen or 20 extra pounds could be the holidays or genetics but for people like me with more than 100 lbs. to lose, we've got a head problem. Something more than puberty got us to this point. I know for me it was years of escaping into books, games, movies, art, anything that could get me out of my real life for a while. Activities that kept me almost completely immobile while boredom snacking/emotional eating continued to pack on the pounds. ... Mon, 7 Jan 2013 14:23:26 EST 9 POUNDS!!!! I just went to weigh myself and that's how much I lost this week! I mean I know a fair bit of that is water because I've been drinking water like crazy this week but holy cow! That's 9 less pounds I'm carrying around. Nine less on my knees and feet. This was exactly how I was hoping to start the new year! <BR> <BR> AHHHHHHH! (Happy Screams) <BR> <BR> This makes me want to workout. I'm so PUMPED right now! <em>334</em> <em>244</em> Sat, 5 Jan 2013 14:28:49 EST I'm Being Stalked by the Girl Scouts Seriously. I don't know how I ended up on their mailing list but I got an email today reminding me that it's almost cookie season and I should save the date for Feb. 8 to go out and load up on my favorite crack filled confections. It's suspicious how they knew how to find me. Maybe when you look up a certain number of weightloss websites it alerts the super secret headquarters of the Grand Scout Master (think NSA only cookie powered and far more dangerous). They've got me on a list now diggin... Fri, 4 Jan 2013 10:48:42 EST The Chain Gang <img src=""> <BR> <BR> This was such a great idea I had to steal it! Every paperclip equals a pound and there are 100 clips. I have more than that I want to lose but this is a good start. I'm actually excited. I can't wait to start losing weight so I can shorten the chain. Thu, 3 Jan 2013 14:16:41 EST Man, I don't just fall off that wagon... ...I hit the ground with a thud and let it drag me half a mile. I did absolutely HORRIBLE this weekend. Eating out, eating junk, overeating, and now today was the cookie exchange at work. So I ate way too many cookies yesterday and did the same today. <BR> <BR> My body hates me right now. <BR> <BR> I feel blah and ugh. I just want to take a nap and sleep off the reprocussions of what I've done. If only it really worked that way. Since it doesn't, starting right this second I'm back on the ... Mon, 17 Dec 2012 12:14:03 EST Wow, that photo challenge was short lived... All hail the Resurection Queen! <em>334</em> I disappear and come back to life so often I should have my own Marvel comic. Seriously though, I am going to get back to that photo challenge. In fact, I'll take a new photo when I get home from work. (Yes, I'm at work. Don't tell nobody.) <BR> <BR> Don't worry though. While I haven't been keeping up with my blog I have been trying to track my food and exercise a little more. Especially this week. I didn't go overboard with Thanksgiving. I did... Fri, 14 Dec 2012 10:43:11 EST Photo Challenge - Week #1 I've decided to create my own photo challenge. Every week I'm going to take a full body shot of myself. Maybe when I'm done I'll do like a sped up slideshow like a flipbook to see my progress. I figure this will do a couple things. First it will force me post a blog at least once a week. I need something to help keep me accountable. Plus, I think it might encourage me to work a little harder so that there is actually progress and not just a bunch of pictures of me getting older and wearing di... Wed, 21 Nov 2012 12:25:56 EST Ugh! Lesson Learned So I've been back up to 290 for about a week and a half. At first I didn't really feel any different. My clothes were a little snug which is just annoying in colder months when I like to layer. Otherwise, It was pretty much the same. <BR> <BR> Yeah, I'm feeling the difference now. <BR> <BR> All I did was walk around the mall yesterday and today my back is screaming and my feet are still a little sore. I didn't think 10 lbs. really made that much of a difference. Not at my size but sheesh. ... Wed, 21 Nov 2012 08:14:00 EST Mah Dreams! In the last month I've attended on wedding, officiated another, and I still have 2 friends planning their weddings for next year. With all this wedding stuff floating around I've started thinking about mine. More than the decorations or food, I've been thinking about the pictures. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I don't want wedding pictures someday with flabby arms and cankles. I know no matter what it will be the happiest day of my ... Fri, 9 Nov 2012 23:00:10 EST Back From Outer Space Bet you all thought I was gone for good. Truth be told, I wasn't so sure myself. Actually, that's not true. I always seem to find a way back to this site. It just usually takes a year to get to that point. <BR> <BR> So... PROGRESS. It was only a couple months this time. I mean my disappearance still sucks. If I had just stuck things out the first time I joined this site I would be my goal weight by now but I can't let my brain go there. Leaving sucks but coming back is good and doing it fas... Fri, 26 Oct 2012 15:42:37 EST Nixxi Suspected Dead. News at 11 ... Thu, 2 Aug 2012 20:51:07 EST I Claim this Land in the Name of Queen Nixxi I've decided I want to go to Antarctica. <BR> <BR> This is by no means a new decision. It's actually something I've wanted to do for most of my life. Ever since I was a kid and heard that no one actually lived in Antarctica. No one even owned it. In my tiny, ginger mind that meant that it was open season and I was going to plant my flag on that frozen tundra and claim it for my own. Some kids dream of being president. I wanted to be queen of my own continent. I was like 98% sure that gig ca... Tue, 24 Jul 2012 19:19:10 EST Breaking Radio Silence So I know that you guys haven't heard from me all week but that's because I've had a lot happen. <BR> <BR> Last Saturday I ranted all about the scam of a proprietary school I work for. Well, Tuesday I had an interview, 20 minutes after I got home from the interview I found out I got the job, I put my notice in that night, and Wednesday I started working for TCC (Thomas, Cooper, & Co.) However, until NEXT saturday I'm still working for ITT. Even though I'm happy to be leaving and there are ... Sat, 21 Jul 2012 10:38:10 EST BLC #15 - WUB (AKA 5% Update and 95% Rant. Sorry.) I'm tired. I'm tired in every possible way for a person to be tired and I know that it effected my weight loss this week. I did clock in more time than my SparkPeople fitness thing suggests but I know that I was capable of more. I could have been better and I just didn't. I think stress is getting to me. They cut my hours back about a month ago and considering I was paycheck to paycheck before, now I'm not even treading water. I've sent out so many applications that I think I'm starting to hi... Sat, 14 Jul 2012 14:45:30 EST Blessed You know, I didn't cry last night when that mouth breathing bottom feeder shouted things out the window at me but I teared up just now reading the responses my SparkFamily had to it. Thank you so much guys. Thank you and I love you. I don't know you. I've never met most of you but I do love you. Whenever I need support you are there. Whenever I need a kick in the butt you are there too but you always do it with such kindness and respect. That's not something any of us usually get in the real ... Thu, 12 Jul 2012 12:49:42 EST Heckle This A few weeks ago Jay and I were listening to the radio where some DJ was blasting those gyms that only accepted morbidly obese clientele. The argument was that it was discrimination and I suppose in a way it is. <BR> <BR> However, you don't see a lot of skinny people getting heckled for having the audacity to eat in public. Or deal with people cringing when they just want to sit down next to them on the bus. And you don't really see thin people having strangers shouting things out windows or... Thu, 12 Jul 2012 00:27:09 EST BLC #15: Fitness Schedule &hearts; MONDAY: Rest (Since today was spent driving home and working) <BR> <BR> &hearts; TUESDAY: Walk! Only instead of going by the distance, I'm going to go by the time. For 30 minutes I'm going to go as hard and fast as I can without stopping. I've been doing the same mile and a half for weeks. I think it's time to push myself. <BR> <BR> &hearts; WEDNESDAY: Jury Duty. I hesitate to plan much. I don't even know if I'll be able to work let alone workout but I hope I'm able to do both. Tho... Mon, 9 Jul 2012 23:57:52 EST [BLEEP] boats! I'M ONNA HELICOPTER Y'ALL!!! !!!UPDATE!!! The video is fixed! Magically because I didn't do it. XD Mon, 9 Jul 2012 19:02:08 EST More Than One Way To Win First off, thank you all so much to the people that replied to my last blog entry and encouraged me to dust myself off and just do the best I can. I would love to tell you that it was enough to straighten me out and I did great for the rest of the weekend but... that really wasn't the case. We had internet at the resort but the server was RIDICULOUSLY slow so I wasn't able to track things. I had a philly cheese steak sub on Saturday, then way too many chips and salsa later that night. Sunday ... Mon, 9 Jul 2012 18:35:55 EST So far... not so good :s My goal for myself this week was to not fall into celebratory pitfalls and I totally did. I was doing pretty well with my food on the 4th of July until the sun went down and the wine coolers came out. I had 4 of them. FOUR! That plus a Mistic and I was a cool 1000 calories over. Ugh. You would think that would have been enough to set me straight but my sister, her husband, and the baby are in town and her preggo cravings demanded steak burritos. I could have said no. Hell, I could have stoppe... Fri, 6 Jul 2012 09:06:37 EST Monthly Goal Blog (MGB): July As part of the BLC #15 thing that I'm part of we're supposed to post our monthly goals and make them SMART (S-pecific, M-easurable, A-ttainable, R-elevant, and T-imely). I really like this. I think it will keep me ground and allow me to inch my way to my bigger goals by setting up smaller monthly goals. And if I don't then at least I'll be able to figure out what I'm doing wrong. So here goes... <BR> <BR> NUTRITION: <BR> <BR> &hearts; Stay within my SP Nutrition range daily <BR> &hearts; ... Wed, 4 Jul 2012 13:58:35 EST One Last Thing... So I was talking to Jay (the boyfriend) today and I finally broke down and asked Jay if he had a tendency to gravitate to bigger girls or if I was his first. Did he have a type? Am I his type? <BR> <BR> He told me that while he had dated girls of all sizes and coloring that he'd always been drawn to shorter, curvier, redheads. And he'd dated redheads, short girls, and curvy girls but that I was the first he'd ever been with that had all three. Then he told me that he loves my hips. Those sam... Wed, 4 Jul 2012 02:09:56 EST Family Trips, Fireworks, and 1st Degree Burns <em>283</em> <em>232</em> <em>283</em> Wed, 4 Jul 2012 01:36:08 EST A Little Inspiration <img src=""> <BR> <BR> There was this post, like a mental exercise, where I was supposed to envision myself at my goal weight. As hard as I tried I couldn't see myself as anything but big. It's been really bugging me. How can I strive for something I can't even see? It's no wonder I've never had much success in the past. I'm so deep into this fat girl mentality that I can't even fantasize about being thin. What's worse was realizing that... Sat, 30 Jun 2012 22:18:51 EST Quickie Okay, this is going to be pretty short because technically I'm supposed to be in bed right now because I have to wake up at ridiculous o'clock tomorrow for work. I just wanted to do a quick update. Not that there is much to update. Despite eating out the last few nights I think I've done pretty good. Not with the work out stuff and I still haven't hit 10,000 steps yet but food wise I've been on target. I'm going to have to step it up if I want the scale to reflect it though. <BR> <BR> In oth... Sat, 30 Jun 2012 00:02:51 EST Blame It On The Rain You know you love my sweet Milli Vanilli reference. Tue, 26 Jun 2012 22:09:25 EST Now I Just Need that "After" Photo I know that I've already blogged twice today but I've been reading a lot of blogs and seeing a lot of before and after pictures and I realized that I didn't have a before shot. I mean I have head shots but those can be deceiving. So here it is. Nixxi in all her fluffy glory! <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <img src=""> <img src=""> Mon, 25 Jun 2012 00:56:19 EST Burger Joints, Boyfriends, and Battles to the Death My Jay Pic of the Day: <BR> <BR> <img src=""> Sun, 24 Jun 2012 23:52:35 EST McDonalds Was Not Worth It I was out running around and on the way home I decided to stop at McDonalds. I'd had a light breakfast so by 1 I was starving and I figured I could handle the extra calories. Of course, I didn't know 3 chicken strips, a small fry, and some Hi-C would be 850 CALORIES!!!! Then to add a little injury to insult, my body (no longer accustomed to fast food) rebelled. It was touch and go there for a minute but I survived. Now I'm just left with this feeling of blegh. How did I ever eat this junk bef... Sun, 24 Jun 2012 14:33:41 EST Shake It Off While things may never really be alright, things are better for now. My mom and I are on good terms and right about now she's probably helping my sister with my nephew's birthday party. There's been some happy news. My sister is pregnant again! :D I was the first one she told. Everyone else is going to find out at the party today but since I wasn't able to get off work, she called and told me yesterday. We're both hoping this one is a girl because my brother-in-law would freak if I started dr... Sat, 23 Jun 2012 13:34:18 EST I Love You But Sometimes I Really Don't Like You It's been a while since me and my mom have gotten into it. When I was a teenager we fought all the time. They weren't just arguments either. They were verbal brawls that left us both beaten and broken. I carried around a lot of pain and anger. So much so that eventually I sort of shut down emotionally. I actually scared myself. A friend of mine died in college and I just felt numb. I didn't even cry. I feared that I was becoming a sociopath. The fact that I feared something like that probably... Thu, 21 Jun 2012 18:11:53 EST Protein Power! Yesterday I tracked all my food and nailed everything! ...Except my protein. I had meat/cheese/eggs at every mea. I even had a protein bar as a snackl! So I'm doing things a little different today. I'm protein loading. I wasn't too hungry when I first woke up (thank you crampy girlie time) so I did a little Zumba then made some breakfast. Bacon, eggs with a little cheese, salsa, and avocado, and strawberry yogurt. At a whopping 588 calories (since it's more like brunch I'll allow it) only 32... Wed, 20 Jun 2012 11:47:33 EST Nature, Your Timing Sucks! You knew. You knew! That I was finally getting a night alone with my sweetie tonight and you come strollin' in all "Oh hey! You totes wanted your girlie time early, right? You are welcome." <BR> <BR> You whore. <BR> <BR> I was already chomping at the bit. Now I'm going to have to wait another... what? How long are you going to hit me with it this time? Three days? Five days? A week? Just long enough to not only screw up tonight's agenda but this weekend too. <BR> <BR> Boo. You suck and I ... Wed, 20 Jun 2012 08:15:08 EST *Cue Bass Filled Intro Music* My very first EVER video blog entry! ...I apologize in advanced. XD Tue, 19 Jun 2012 14:21:09 EST Three It's terrible to think of how much of my life has been defined by the tragedy in it. I'm not so delusional or self centered enough to think that there aren't millions of people that have had it worse. Or so much of a martyr that I've ignored the good things that have happened. In some ways I have been incredibly blessed but I have had to overcome some pretty messed up things in the past (some of which I'm still overcoming). I never wanted to be one of those people that let their pasts get in ... Mon, 18 Jun 2012 02:58:00 EST Today I am Beautiful I don't look any different than yesterday but today I feel it. The sun is shining. I'm wearing my favorite dress. My make-up is flawless and the last thing my boyfriend said to me before leaving for work was "I love you, baby. Have a great day." Even though I still have to go to work, I don't think this day could be any greater because today I'm beautiful and it has nothing to do with how I look. :) Thu, 14 Jun 2012 14:59:38 EST The Problem with Dieting My issue with weight really started in high school so I've had about a decade to absorb every scrap of dieting material known to man. Adkins, Protien Power, Low Fat, Low Calorie, Low Carb, No Carb, Whole Wheat, Paleo, Raw Foods, Meal Substitutes, pills, drops, little shaker crystals. Name a dieting fad, any dieting fad, and I've probably read something about it. I'm a big advocate for information but I do think that it gets to a point where you've all but read yourself into a corner. <BR> <B... Tue, 12 Jun 2012 23:33:52 EST Hello Again Well, I didn't go a whole year between entries this time. So... progress! <BR> <BR> A lot has happened in a year. I'm down from 300 to between 280 and 285. It fluctuates. Though I've pretty much stopped going to the gym. I should really start going again. I haven't been completely inactive though. Jay keeps me somewhat active. Lots of walking and we've even been kayaking. I got to be careful what I eat around him though. The boy has the biggest sweet tooth I've ever seen. It's incredible to... Sun, 29 Apr 2012 09:25:39 EST