NINJALINDA's SparkPeople Blog NINJALINDA's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community chemo, round 2 Well, here I sit, and I survived the first (and arguably worst) round of chemo. Yay-go me! I was beginning to wonder, shortly after treatment #4, when I made the mistake of going out in public (grocery store) for an ever so brief trip...and obviously caught a cold. OMG...thought I was going to die? Yes, yes I did think that. I survived, though, and with the new found determination to wear a face mask EVERY time I go into public. And to avoid going into public if at all possible in the first p... Sat, 10 Jan 2015 13:38:04 EST Chemo Well, here I am almost halfway through the first type of chemo I have to take. I'm still alive - yay! Other than that fact, life as I know it is pretty darned different. <BR> <BR> In some ways chemo hasn't been as rough as I expected it to be, but in other ways it's been worse than expected. I'm learning in many ways that I just can't 'expect' or count on things being one way or the other! I expected to be dealing with lots of nausea. There has been some, to be sure, but not nearly as much a... Sat, 29 Nov 2014 12:34:20 EST Cancer That's really an ugly word, isn't it? Cancer. As far back as I can think in my family history, no one had it, other than my Dad with prostate cancer. Now, it's striking my house for a second time. This time it's me, with breast cancer. <BR> <BR> I've been having mammograms since I was about 35, and never a problem. Just had one in March, and it was beautifully problem free. Heck, I didn't even have a hint of a whiff of a clue that anything was amiss until mid to end of August. But the diagno... Sat, 25 Oct 2014 09:34:42 EST This might go long. Bless you if you read to the end. My journey here on Sparkpeople (and my life health journey) has been long. It has also come full circle. But that's not the point of this post. Let me explain. <BR> <BR> I have always been an active person, but I've been a lot of weights throughout my life. I've been thin and I've been heavy. I've been healthy and I've been unhealthy. Thin hasn't always equaled healthy and heavy hasn't always equaled unhealthy. Four years ago I was thin & healthy (and happy). Then my husband got sick, and d... Thu, 9 Oct 2014 22:57:43 EST Starting over...again...and apparently at less than zero! I decided sometime recently that I needed a total restart, which took effect Monday. Yeah, this is the time I'm 'really' gonna do it...blah, blah, blah...No prophetic declarations out of me this time. The proof will be in the results - or lack thereof. <BR> <BR> I'm seriously back to basics though. Tracking all my food, trying to set reasonable goals, looking to get some exercise every day - or at least almost every day. Came up with a new 'points' system to evaluate every day & give me some... Wed, 1 Oct 2014 15:15:28 EST Bound to get better sooner or later. Hmm...looks like later Well, I took my cat to the vet today for the nasal flush. Had high hopes this would be the ticket, but we all know what can happen with high hopes. Picked up my cat this evening, and he sounds just as bad as he did when I dropped him off this morning. Now I have to decide whether to subject the poor thing to surgery - in hopes that it will help - to the tune of $300. Oh, and today's vet visit was $276. (And the chiropractor was $115) <BR> <BR> I hate being in a downward spiral like this. I k... Mon, 15 Sep 2014 21:36:30 EST When your 'small potatoes' problems come in 50lb sacks, or death by 1000 paper cuts Life has been on the 'UGH' side lately. I feel a little guilty for feeling that way, though. I have enough perspective to step back, look at things objectively, and realize that it's mostly minor annoyances that I'm dealing with. Even minor annoyances, though, add up when there's enough of them. <BR> <BR> Don't know if I've blogged about it, but my shoulder has been unwell for about a year and a half. A year ago May I went to my doctor, who gave me some exercises that didn't work, so he sent... Sat, 13 Sep 2014 20:29:55 EST Whatever to do? Sometimes life gets interesting. Sometimes it's complicated. Sometimes it's confusing. Sometimes...all of the above! <BR> <BR> A little over a year ago I took a leap of faith at work. Left the office & co-workers I'd been with for 22+ years and took a job in our home office. I knew the work would be way different. There were people there I knew, but it really was leaving (mostly) everything I knew, going to a location over an hour away from my previous job, betting that the new job would wor... Tue, 12 Aug 2014 22:56:24 EST Disappointments Disappointments. They happen. Many times they make us mad, or sad, or frustrated with ourselves. This blog is not about that. Sometimes we get disappointed and we had nothing to do with it and there was nothing we could do to make it different. <BR> <BR> I have three sisters, and we are very different from each other. We span a 16 year age gap, but we're pretty darned close I'd say. Even so, we rarely get a chance to be together. Years ago, and for several years running we would get together... Tue, 13 May 2014 20:04:27 EST Day four mantra Today I will take the following step toward my goal: I will understand that I control what goes into my mouth. <BR> <BR> Pretty simple concept, huh? We all know that we ultimately control what goes into our mouths. But how many times do we give ourselves a pass? It's a celebration. It's my birthday. It's Christmas, or Easter, or the 4th of July. <BR> <BR> My nemesis (of late) - it's bowling night. So of course, I'll drink (too many) beers and go over on calories. It's only once a week! And ... Thu, 1 May 2014 22:38:40 EST Day three mantra Today I will take the following step towards my goal: I will begin organizing my life in a manner that bends toward success. <BR> <BR> You know what the commercial says. 'Life comes at you fast.' And it's true. It doesn't take much at all to put you into 'reaction' mode. Our lives these days are full and fast paced. Situations and priorities can change in a flash. If you are unprepared, disorganized, not paying attention? Your goals can be forgotten and you can be heading in the opposite dir... Wed, 30 Apr 2014 12:58:58 EST Day two mantra Today I will take the following step towards my goal: I will take control of my thoughts, and positive thinking will guide my actions. <BR> <BR> Have you ever been so focused on what you can't do that you don't even think about doing what you can do? OR have you ever been so ingrained into a habit that you just 'know' that it would be impossible to change it? In both of these situations, you set yourself up for failure. Why you DO that? <BR> <BR> Now, I'm not going so far as to say that I w... Tue, 29 Apr 2014 20:52:51 EST Mantra challenge My sister and I are pairing together in our fitness & health journey. Every week I give her a plan and she gives me one. This is our second week, and she has challenged me to daily mantras this week. I am to fill in the blank daily with this statement, 'today I will take the following step towards my goals___.' <BR> <BR> Today I will take the following step towards my goals: I will put disappointments behind me and/or use them to motivate me. This mantra came to me today via my scales. Start... Mon, 28 Apr 2014 19:15:06 EST I got up the nerve... ...and went to the batting cage today! I don't know why it took 'getting up the nerve' to do it. It was really simple, and nobody gave a rip enough to watch me so I didn't even have to worry about being embarrassed. <BR> <BR> My son originally agreed to go with me, but he got busy seriously cleaning his room, and lord knows when a 24 year old son decides to clean his room you really shouldn't get in the way of that! So I ventured there alone. <BR> <BR> The guy working the counter was reall... Sun, 27 Apr 2014 18:14:06 EST Getting back to it means finding out just how out of shape you are... Tomorrow will make a full week of being 'back at it,' and boy, have I found out just exactly how out of shape I am! It's funny - you can convince yourself that you haven't let it slide THAT bad...until you start trying to DO stuff again, lol! <BR> <BR> This week I started strength training again. A pitiful little effort two days a week, but hey, ya gotta start somewhere. I guess I can take *some* solace that I used 8 lb weights, considering I had to build up to even use 5 lb ones when I very... Sat, 26 Apr 2014 18:09:14 EST Day three, and I haven't blown it yet-lol! It's funny. It's almost like I'm waiting, looking around the corner for my motivations to expire. Over the past two years, the time would come when I'd make 'the plan!' I'd run headlong into it...and just as quickly putter and sputter out. Man I don't want that to happen this time. I keep looking over my shoulder to see if the diet boogey-man is sneaking up on me! <BR> <BR> Decluttering my life - that's what I'm doing. Getting rid of the excess stuff, both around me...and around me! I can't ... Wed, 23 Apr 2014 19:47:57 EST Cautiously optimistic It's always a good thing when you decide to get your act together diet and exercise wise and get a plan together. It's even a better thing when you drop three pounds on day two of your renewed focus. Think I can do that again tomorrow? Haha...I wish! <BR> <BR> I'm cautiously optimistic because I've made this renewed commitment several times in the past couple of years, only to fall flat and backslide several weeks or months into the plan. I think I'm really ready to change my life this time.... Tue, 22 Apr 2014 19:01:32 EST I'm too old for this! Or maybe I'm just too fat for this, lol! Tonight was the first softball game for the team I'm on at work. I gonna be sore or what? I have not picked up a glove or bat in 30 years, but I played a double header tonight. All things considered I didn't do too bad. Played 2nd base and stopped a couple of grounders, though I didn't make the throw in time to get the out. Missed a few fielding opportunities by being an old slow fart. BUT...I didn't strike out! That's a plus. <BR> <BR> Hope... Mon, 21 Apr 2014 23:24:49 EST Went to my crappy free gym today - and guess what? It really wasn't so crappy! Ya know what, I just need to get over myself. Take advantage of the opportunities that I have. Stop waiting for things to be 'perfect.' Because they never really are perfect, are they? <BR> <BR> So this is my new challenge - look for the opportunity every day. Like tomorrow. I won't be able to work out tomorrow - meetings ALL day long. Fortunately, there's bowling after work, so I'm going. Wednesday I'll be working from home - no gym at home. But I do have weights... Mon, 10 Feb 2014 19:10:39 EST There must be snow in the forecast... I went to the grocery store this afternoon, and it seemed everyone in the county was there! 3:30 pm on a random Sunday, and the grocery rivaled an approaching holiday, or the Super Bowl, or the first of the month! WTH? <BR> <BR> All I was trying to do was a little double couponing. I'm trying really hard to bring my food budget down. After wrestling with my budget yesterday, I noticed that food, both groceries and eating out, is one of the few areas where I can affect any change. I'm going t... Sun, 9 Feb 2014 17:34:49 EST Sometimes being a grownup sucks I've been through the highs & lows of thinking I found an awesome deal on a gym, and then realizing that what was advertised wasn't exactly what I'd thought. In the past I would have thought, 'oh well, not the great deal I thought but I can deal with it.' This time I thought, 'let me think about this for a minute before I commit.' <BR> <BR> Pros: I know I would use this membership. I have used it fully before. I've belonged to this gym (not this specific one, but same franchise) and I know w... Sat, 8 Feb 2014 19:05:15 EST When will I learn? When it seems to good to be true... You know the rest of the sentence. So yeah, that gym deal? Not quite so sweet as I'd thought. Sure, there's a $9.99 monthly, no joining fee, no contract, no annual fee membership. What the ad didn't make clear was it was for equipment use (machines & free weights) only. If I want to take any classes (the primary reason for my excitement) - well the price is $29.99 monthly, plus a $40 annual fee, plus a $1 joining fee. So let's call that $33 monthly, shall we? <BR> <BR> There are some perks i... Fri, 7 Feb 2014 13:22:49 EST You will not believe what has me over the moon excited! As I age and (hopefuly) mature, it's amazing what now excites me. Getting a full GOOD night's sleep, a fantastic BM, finishing my you can see I REALLY know how to have a good time! But I even surprised myself at what just totally pegged my excitement meter this week. <BR> <BR> I was driving in to work and realized I needed to get gas, so I got off the interstate to swing by my very convenient cheap gas station. As I headed back to the interstate towards work, what did I see but a ... Thu, 6 Feb 2014 12:39:39 EST January's over and the verdict is...meh... The good news is - I'm still here plugging away! I tried to keep it simple in January, hoping for major success in simplicity. Life decided to throw me multiple curves. Kinda figures. Not giving up though, oh no! <BR> <BR> Results? I started the month weighing 188 and change. Headed north of 190 before I finally got things moving in the right direction. Weighed in yesterday at 186.6. Not great success, but hey, down is down. Still a long way to go to get to my first goal (165). Hopefully I c... Sun, 2 Feb 2014 16:15:15 EST Hello, Linda? This is the real world. We need you over here... I thought I was starting this re-boot off simply. I have two, count them, two little goals. The first of these goals is tracking nutrition. Not even saying I'll stay in range, just tracking. Well, I'm doing a fairly decent job on that one. Didn't track this past Saturday (out of town), or the Saturday before (just really busy), but other than that I've tracked faithfully. Now, I'm not anywhere near being in range, which makes me feel like I'm failing, but I know in terms of the actual goal, I... Tue, 14 Jan 2014 09:54:08 EST Nailed it? Heh...might take more than a week... Well, I've completed a full week since my 'comeback.' Remember me proclaiming that, 'I'm back, and this time I'm gonna nail it'? Uhm...we might have to redefine nailing it, or at least give me a bit (lot) more time to accomplish this goal. <em>198</em> <BR> <BR> What have I done this past week? I've floundered. I've fit & started. I've hit, and I've missed. I can't say I've given consistent effort, but I can say that I haven't quit. I had two major goals: tracking (all nutrition daily),... Fri, 10 Jan 2014 20:34:40 EST Starting over...again. Except this time I'm gonna nail it! I think I'm finally there. I think both my head and my heart are ready to do this. In other words, I've been dicking around with this for so long that I think I'm finally tired of dicking. I know I'm tired of buying bigger clothing! <BR> <BR> So - how am I going to do this? I'm going to do what I've always known I would have to do to be successful! Damn, why did it take me two years to figure out what I already knew? Who knows, but I think I've finally gotten it through my thick scull. <BR> ... Thu, 2 Jan 2014 19:11:58 EST My give a damn's busted Did you know that's actually a song title? Not being a country fan, I didn't realize that song existed until I googled for 'love gone wrong' songs - for a work project, thankfully! While the actual song lyrics don't fit my situation at all, the title - sadly - does. <BR> <BR> I'm in a very strange place lately, and frankly I don't like it. My nature is to be happy, and in some situations I still am happy. My overwhelming general mood, though, is depressed. Resigned, maybe? I don't know. <BR>... Mon, 4 Nov 2013 13:03:11 EST Met somebody today Question is...did he meet me? LOL! So I've decided I'm extremely tired of sitting home alone (except for the cats), with TV as my entertainment. Not that there's anything wrong with loving up on cats, or being entertained by TV. I'm just done with that being ALL I do, other than go to work or clean house, or take care of other responsibilities. <BR> <BR> I determined that there was no one at work I was going to meet, and no one at church I was going to meet, and no one in my neighborhood I w... Mon, 30 Sep 2013 22:21:00 EST Bloggus interruptus I'm interrupting your regularly scheduled vacation blog to give you an 'OMG, today' blog. Though I've yet to fill you in on Colin' s move in and first 10 or so days at Radford, I'll skip ahead to today. Colin came home for his birthday weekend (18 today), with a secondary goal...ok...maybe primary goal of leaving his truck at home and taking his motorcycle back to Radford. A good plan, I think, as fall in the mountains is perfect for riding. And I thought to myself, 'Self, you want to get a m... Sun, 1 Sep 2013 21:51:35 EST Dominican Republic part 2, with pics? Part one ended with the first full day in the condo. Before I start part 2, lets see if the pic upload works from my laptop...nope not happening. Oh well...I'm gonna get ya'll a picture blog somehow, some day! <BR> <BR> So day 2 at the condo. We wake up and make 'coffee' in the little espresso maker on the gas stove. We follow the directions Andrea gave us, to the best of our memory. The last part of the directions were something like, you'll know when it's done. Well, how we would know rema... Sat, 31 Aug 2013 12:31:42 EST Back from the Dominican Republic, kid off to Radford, back at work... Gosh, a LOT has happened since I last blogged! Had an awesome vacation - short, but great. Moved Colin in to Radford. And now back at work and having a BUSY life. I've been meaning to get this blog up for days, and even tried last night but got disgusted when my computer refused to upload photos from my trip. We'll see if I can get any to plop in today. <BR> <BR> On August 12 we traveled to northern VA to say with my sister's youngest son & his family. This was fantastically fun, as I haven'... Wed, 28 Aug 2013 08:45:45 EST The moment I've been waiting for! Ah, vacation! It is bliss, is it not? I haven't even left yet, and still I'm attempting to savor every moment. It usually slips by so fast. I want to enjoy every second! <BR> <BR> Vacation officially began for me at 4:30 pm today, and doesn't end until 7:30 am on August 22. That seems like a long time! Tonight, I'm just chillin'. Tomorrow will be packing and preparation. I really need to get my house in order (somewhat) in hopes that it will still be (somehow) presentable, or at least 'ok' w... Fri, 9 Aug 2013 21:29:45 EST Strange mix of appreciation and annoyance Have you ever had someone 'reach out' to you in a way that you sort of appreciated...but found yourself annoyed by it at the same time? If you haven't experienced this let me tell you, it is a weird mix! <BR> <BR> It happened today at the work gym. I see the same people there all the time, and after a while you start to feel 'familiar' with them even if you don't know them at all. I guess this lady felt 'familiar' enough with me today to 'help' me. <BR> <BR> I was doing my ST thing, lifting... Tue, 6 Aug 2013 14:00:21 EST Vacation countdown has begun! Gosh, where the heck has the summer gone? Hard to believe this is my last week of work before vacation to the Dominican Republic! A week from tomorrow I'll meet my sister & her husband to travel to northern VA to spend the night with my nephew...then Tuesday on the plane. I hope the (almost) week in the DR will go as slowly as a week at work. HA! It will probably be shorter than a weekend! <BR> <BR> Of course, this is a bittersweet time, because as soon as I get home - time to take my baby t... Sun, 4 Aug 2013 19:30:56 EST Pity party? Eh, maybe... Today was not my usual day. I'm normally an upbeat, positive kinda gal. Always looking on the bright side. Everything's gonna be ok. The sun will come out tomorrow...ok, might be pushing it there. <BR> <BR> I hate to admit that it was stepping on the scales this morning that pushed me over the edge. I'm a daily weigh-er - and I'm used to the fluctuations. I don't get rattled by the 'blip' up, 'cause I know it will be followed by the 'blip' down. But this morning, something snapped, and in a ... Fri, 2 Aug 2013 21:43:31 EST Note to self Dear Linda, <BR> <BR> You are 50 years old. I know that in your mind you are still young and vibrant, ready for any adventure. I know that you don't feel like you are 'old.' But face it, you are older than you used to be, and you just can't run with the big dogs any more. <BR> <BR> You are 50, and you still have to go to work. And you have to get there early in the morning. Which means you have to get up really early. What did you think you were doing last night - staying up until all hours... Mon, 29 Jul 2013 20:56:08 EST Just another day in bizarro land I like wine. I'm quite friendly with beer as well. Some might say I like them too much, and there is weight to this argument. (Ha ha...I'm punny!) For this reason, among others, there are times when I declare intentions to limit the alcohol intake. Grand proclamations spew forth from my mouth, generally followed by humble admissions of not following through on the grand proclamations. I live this cycle for a bit until at some point I strike a balance, for a time, and make some progress. <BR> ... Fri, 26 Jul 2013 09:51:29 EST Living in bizarro land I love my fitbit. I hate my fitbit. My fitbit has me confused! I love it because it is making me move, move, move! I'm continuing to exercise on my lunch hour in the old way - which is mostly a non-fitbit event. Generally I get 4 days in on my lunch hour at the gym - 2x strength training & 2x cardio (usually elliptical). I don't wear the fitbit for either activity. On my afternoon break I've been going for a walk, and then many times after work I'll catch another walk in the evening after din... Wed, 24 Jul 2013 21:13:12 EST #fail If you are following my (mis)adventures, you know what that title means. I didn't drop the weight in time to win my diet bet. Instead of a day late and a dollar short, I was 3 hours late and $25 lost. <BR> <BR> I have to give myself credit. I was close...was I ever close. Final weigh-in for the game was 7/16 at midnight PST...which translated to 7/17 3am my time. When I got home after work yesterday, my weight was up about a pound and a half. This is normal for me - I usually weight anywhere... Wed, 17 Jul 2013 08:16:18 EST When shooting oneself in the foot, should you be happy you're a good shot? It didn't seem like THAT big of a blunder. As I sit here contemplating it...I guess it was all in the timing. Let me explain. <BR> <BR> You may have read my blog a while back where I was trying out a new 'thing' called diet bet. It's an internet thing where you enter a game with other players, each betting a certain amount (depends on the game) in a bet that you can lose 4% of your body weight in 28ish days. Those who win split the pot (minus admin fees). I was all excited about it...except ... Tue, 16 Jul 2013 14:31:34 EST That's my story, and I'm sticking to it! I've never been much of a whiner, and that's a good thing. <BR> <BR> The end. <BR> <BR> (Having one of those days where if I write any more than this it will be a whine. I don't want to whine. The current whining in my head is enough to piss me off at me! Ever had one of those days?) Sun, 14 Jul 2013 16:46:07 EST Dominican Republic? Why not? (Where is it-LOL!) Several days ago I read my sister's blog about vacationing in the Dominican Republic in August. I was jealous - a REAL vacation. We touched base about rescheduling some plans we'd had that during the time she would now be gone, when she threw out, 'If you have about $1000 laying around, why don't you come with us?' I thought - could I? Dare I? Then I checked the dates she'd be going...and it overlapped when I have to take Colin to Radford. Oh well, I thought. <BR> <BR> But then I re-thought.... Tue, 9 Jul 2013 22:05:16 EST ?!?! There are the things that make you go, 'hmm,' and then there are things that make you go, 'WTF??' I just went to the rest room - at work - and before my butt hit the seat I noticed something on it. Grabbed some toilet paper to wipe the seat, and it looked like...cake crumbs? <BR> <BR> I had stopped in the break room (right across the hall from the rest room) just before hitting the potty to refill my water. Which I leave on the table in the break room until I finish my 'business', thank you ... Fri, 5 Jul 2013 10:25:38 EST Gadget infatuation. Gadget overload? We'll see. I first heard about it six or so months ago. I knew I wanted it as soon as I heard about it. But I had to wait. Couldn't justify it...yet. Earned enough to purchase it when I did my sister's taxes. But wasn't time. Had to be SURE that's what I wanted to spend $100 on. was time. <BR> <BR> My fitbit arrived yesterday. Got it all set up yesterday evening, and I was pretty sure I was going to love it. I've used it for a full day now, and yes...I LOVE it! I can already tel... Wed, 3 Jul 2013 22:31:23 EST Maybe this is why they say to find an exercise you love? I'm having a hard time believing this is actually the case. Somehow in my mind (a scary place, I know) couldn't be this easy. How can it possibly be that riding my bike for 45 minutes burns in excess of 600 calories?? It must be true, though, because I do trust the spark fitness calculator to be pretty accurate. <BR> <BR> Again, somehow in my mind running would burn way more calories than biking. Now granted - I'm not setting any speed records when I run. But I do know what my perceive... Sun, 30 Jun 2013 14:01:54 EST It was a slow one at work. That doesn't mean nothing was happening! Life continues rapid fire. Got a call from #1 son first thing this morning - Carmax had called him with the news the price had dropped $1k on the car he wants. So I told him to get his hindparts down to the credit union to see what they could do for him in terms of a loan. Sean called me back an hour or so later. They had approved him for a loan, and for the same rate that would have required a co-signer at Carmax. <em>244</em> <BR> <BR> Of course, the credit union needs proof of insuran... Fri, 28 Jun 2013 18:23:01 EST Not fitness or nutrition...just a life blog... If you read my blogs with any regularity, you know many of them have to do with fitness. A lot have to do with nutrition, or my struggles to eat healthfully, in range and nutritiously. Today is just a 'how my life is going' blog. Yeah...I guess I do my share of those too! <BR> <BR> Life has been fast and furious of late. It's been like a series of hurdles to get over. Not like obstacles I have to struggle to get past, so much. Many have just been the ordinary life stuff that crops up. Stuff ... Thu, 27 Jun 2013 22:18:43 EST Who's proud of me? Why me, of course! I had every excuse not to do it. No one would have thought worse of me if I didn't do it. But I did it, I really did! Let me tell you about it. <BR> <BR> This month I'm doing daily mini goals. Today I picked a hum-dinger for myself - 15 minutes of fitness. I knew that this day of orientation at Radford would be a long one, and one not packed with fitness opportunities. When I saw the schedule for the day...was I ever right about that!. <BR> <BR> Colin and I arrived early, and got checked in... Mon, 24 Jun 2013 22:56:00 EST Reset week one I'm nearing the end of the first week of my reset. I've had ups and downs. Challenges coming rapid fire. And I'm not even fully through the week - that happens Sunday. So how's it going, you ask? <BR> <BR> Pretty well, I think. So well, in fact, that I'm praying I don't follow my usual pattern and blow it over the weekend. Of course, my first thought is to evaluate what's going on according to results on the scale. I'm down 3 lbs from Monday morning's weigh-in, though realistically I dropped... Fri, 21 Jun 2013 21:11:53 EST